“My girlfriend dumped me because I made her smile too much.”

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“If you’d asked me before quarantine, I would’ve told you there was no hope.”

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It’s been 30 years since In Living Color premiered and the occasion of that anniversary sparked a thought: while there’s little competition for Saturday Night Live‘s crown as lords of sketch comedy right now, the launch of that show did spark a minor arms race. All of a sudden, new options rushed in, creating fertile ground for innovation and inspiration that’s still being felt. What stands as the best of these shows across that 30-year span and how has SNL evolved, impacted, and been impacted by the changing landscape? That’s what we decided to explore in this ranking of the top 20 sketch shows of the last 3o years.

Before we get started, however, let’s discuss the rules of engagement: 20 is an arbitrary number that, unfortunately, cuts off notable options like The Whitest Kids You Know, Little Britain, Tracey Takes On, and others. We don’t feel good about that, but we’re moving forward. To try and define each show’s unique contribution, we’re also submitting a bunch of sketches that you can click out to, certainly sending you down a YouTube wormhole. If you don’t like those sketches, suggest your own. If you don’t like the rankings, let us know about that too. These things are, of course, wildly subjective, but we did our best to weigh a mix of cultural import and impact, inventiveness, continuing cult affection, and outright hilarity when making these choices. And then we put a bunch of show titles in a hat.

20. The Birthday Boys

The Birthday Boys’ style drew comparisons to early Kids In The Hall and other all-timers as they gently poked at cliches like heartstring twisting human interest stories and rom-com fairytales across just 20 episodes on IFC.

The Sketch:

Next time you’re stressing about work, why not think about the possibility that… absolutely nothing follows your fated demise? Starting off on an up note!

19. A Bit Of Fry And Laurie

Starring Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie, A Bit Of Fry And Laurie never found broad awareness and adulation in the US. Still, the whole 26-episode run is easily devoured as the two wits have a lot of fun with language, the perceived constraints of a television show, and each other while demonstrating why there is continuing interest in a formal reunion.

The Sketch:

The relatable experience of being bugged by a stranger gets very dark and very weird very quickly as Laurie plays it straight against Fry’s increasingly ridiculous, baby talk-obsessed dog daddy.

18. Human Giant

Launched on MTV with visions of multi-format dominance in 2007, Human Giant paired director Jason Woliner with rising comics/performers Aziz Ansari, Rob Huebel, and Paul Scheer, and quickly gained a cult following for its deep dark comedy. Unfortunately, the show ended after two seasons, but the members of the group all went onto individual success while occasionally crossing paths with each other.

The Sketch:

Not a sketch, but a look back at the highlights from a bonkers, star-studded (Tim & Eric, John Krasinski, Nick Kroll, Bill Hader, Kristen Schaal, John Mulaney, and on and on) 24-hour takeover that the crew did on MTV at their height.

18. The Ben Stiller Show

In 1989, Ben Stiller joined SNL with a want to make short films but bailed after a little more than a month. Three years later, he found a better outlet for his talent with The Ben Stiller Show, though the show would be short-lived. If you don’t have an intimate understanding of the ’90s or a passion for pop culture excavation you may get lost in some of the references and topics, but its edge and wit transcend.

The Sketch:

Check out the craft on display as Stiller echoes his future Meet The Parents co-star Robert De Niro’s menacing machismo and the show echoes Martin Scorsese’s style notes in this amazing merger between Cape Fear and The Munsters.

16. That Mitchell And Webb Look

Like Fry And Laurie, the other UK import on this list, the strength of the chemistry between this duo (with a full body of work together beyond this series) elevates the material. Specifically when they’re playfighting.

The Sketch:

It’s said that everyone is the hero of their own story but what if the villains became self-aware? That’s the premise of this oft celebrated Mitchell And Webb sketch.

15. MADtv

With SNL hampered by bad press, cast turnover, and whispers about its waning influence at their highest level since the mid-’80s, the ground was ripe for MADtv to pick up where In Living Color had left off after it concluded its run a year earlier on FOX. But while it obviously didn’t take SNL down and didn’t produce as many iconic moments as a lot of other shows on this list, in the grand scheme of things, it was a success, earning fans (including myself) with its broad approach and edge (for edge’s sake, sometimes) during a 14-year original run.

The Sketch:

Michael McDonald proved to be one of MADtv‘s most reliable figures across his 10-season run, and Stuart, a weird man child, may be his best-remembered character, popping up 38 times. This clip is over-the-top and punctuated by scat humor and a dated pop culture reference. It’s a little mean and a yet, it’s still funny. Also, hi Kathy Bates!

14. The Dana Carvey Show

The Dana Carvey Show‘s on-camera (Carvey, Steve Carell, Stephen Colbert) and behind-the-scenes talent (SNL legend Robert Smigel, Louis CK, Charlie Kaufman, and on and on) shockingly mattered very little when it came to its ability to stay on the air. Blame it on the fact that it lived on ABC in the mid-’90s, a reality that kneecapped its chances at finding an audience. Still, the show left a mark with a small collection of sketches that offer just a taste of the gutsy, boundary-pushing comedy that would have soared on a network with a stronger stomach.

The Sketch:

Hold in your heart the knowledge that a sketch about rocking-chair lounging hate mongers followed the grunts and low-lift comedy of Home Improvement in 1996. Shocking it never found a spot on TGIF.

13. Portlandia

Portlandia mined the absurdities of Pacific Northwest living and hipsterism. Leaning on Fred Armisen’s near peerless talent for deep-dive character work and highlighting Sleater-Kinney rocker (and now writer and director) Carrie Brownstein’s vast comedic and creative talents, Portlandia stands, appropriately enough, as a sketch series with a very specific sensibility and charm.

The Sketch:

It would have been so easy to go with the first breakout, “Dream Of The ’90s,” but nothing stands out right now like the binge-watch wormhole reflective sketch where Fred and Carrie lose all sense of time while powering through Battlestar Galactica.

12. I Think You Should Leave

Only two sketch shows (SNL and ITYSL) are active on this list. Because of that, Tim Robinson’s wild one-season-old Netflix series carries with it, not just hope for years of greatness, but also hope that streamers and networks recognize its success and search harder for their own version, creating opportunities for more voices to get a shot. After all, success begets success. And a show earning accolades like, “the most flat-out most hilarious sketch-comedy program since Chappelle’s Show” qualifies as a success. With only six episodes in the can it’s impossible to put I Think You Should Leave in the conversation for the top 5, leaping over shows that were consistently good for years, but check back following a second season and this list might look a little different.

The Sketch:

Horror can often be mined for the most honest laughs and Will Forte absolutely brings it as a creepy and creepily intense traveler wrapped up in the long-awaited bliss of his revenge fantasy… until.

11. Kroll Show

Nick Kroll has tapped into our awkward and horny nostalgia with Big Mouth, but before that, he did a very good job of portraying excruciating people. Teaming with the likes of Jon Daly, Jenny Slate, Jason Mantzoukas, and others, Kroll Show found humor in the low-level terribleness of vacuous and/or douchey characters, offering the chance to laugh at reality TV culture and false bravado rather than cry over its creep.

The Sketch:

Once upon a time, there was a reality show called Cheaters that broadcast people at the worst moment of their lives — right in the middle of finding out that they were being cheated on by their partners. The host actually got stabbed. This Bobby Bottleservice sketch offers an alternative approach — what if that, but instead the host used the situation as an opportunity to score?

10. Inside Amy Schumer

While other sketch shows on this list often dance around the subject of gender politics and relationships, Inside Amy Schumer charged ahead with swagger, cutting through the bullsh*t and social hangups to find a space where the show could both comment and find laughs along the way that were capable of connecting with a broad audience. But the show was, of course, focussed on more than just that, additionally poking at other social conventions and attitudes with Schumer often willing to play the fool or take things to an uncomfortable place.

The Sketch:

Amy stumbles upon a goddesses’ picnic and into a cutting conversation about culture and how it values female celebrities.

9. Upright Citizen’s Brigade

You can’t mention the show without considering the impact that the founding group (composed of Amy Poehler, Matt Walsh, Matt Besser, and Ian Roberts) has had on improv and comedy, opening theaters/training grounds that has created an unrivaled talent. As for the actual Comedy Central series, it buzzed with energy and irreverence, running a thread from start to finish while, overall, building on the group’s awesome contributions to the early days of Late Night with Conan O’Brien.

The Sketch:

Breaking my own rule and linking to two. Prostitute Barista, if for nothing else than Poehler’s matter-of-fact demeanor while Walsh’s horror builds over the details of her character’s resume. And the legendary Ass Pennies, a hyper-exaggerated example of how far people go to assert social dominance.

8. Tim And Eric Awesome Show, Great Job

Every show on this list has made its own mark, but there’s also a sameness to them that reflects the nature of what sketch shows are. Tim And Eric, on the other hand, stands out with a show that looks and feels furthest from all the others as it draws from a broader set of inspirations like public access TV and David Lynch while making a strong impact on comedy culture.

The Sketch:

I’m probably making a big mistake by not going with something Steve Brule or reminding us all of the majestic beauty of Tayne the Paul Rudd lookalike dancer. Instead, I’m going with this satirization of local price wars that finds surprising laughs by piling extreme reactions and examples of brinkmanship until everything runs out of air.

7. In Living Color

From the mind of Keenen Ivory Wayans, In Living Color was the ultimate SNL destroyer, created to court a younger audience with a vastly more diverse cast and focus. But the show became more than alternate programming for FOX in the early ’90s, using a blend of big comedy hooks, mindfulness, dance, and hip-hop influences to expand the reach of sketch comedy and topple the idea that being a prime time network show meant you had to consistently play it safe. Not all of it holds up (some of it really doesn’t), but no one can say Wayans and crew didn’t take chances.

The Sketch:

Everyone thinks about the incredible bendable Jim Carrey and his array of wild characters, but so much of In Living Color‘s success came from the power of its ensemble. David Alan Grier, Tommy Davidson, and Kim Wayans did a lot of the heavy lifting, but it was Damon Wayans, and not Carrey, that should be remembered as the show’s true star. Here’s a Homey The Clown sketch. Clowns are supposed to be happy and hopeful. Homey don’t… oh, you know.

6. Key & Peele

There’s an interesting subplot about comics who have pivoted from other sketch shows to flourish free from their constraints/house styles — specifically Tim Robinson, Ben Stiller, Bob Odenkirk, and Keegan Michael Key and Jordan Peele. After languishing on MADtv, Key and Peele brought a fresh focus to conversations about race and stereotypes while also often leaning into silliness once they got the chance to run their own show on Comedy Central. While other shows may have penetrated our consciousness more deeply or influenced comedy culture more profoundly, Key & Peele may have been, from episode to episode, the most consistently above average, rarely outright whiffing when it set its sights on a target.

The Sketch:

Intense and unexpected, I don’t know that we needed a harsh peek behind the curtain of Family Matters, but I never want to let it go.

5. The State

MTV in the early ’90s represented a gentle cultural rebellion. They were remaking news for a new generation, at the forefront of a musical movement, and standing behind inventive comedy that seemed as though it was being broadcast with little adult supervision. And then a few years later Kurt Cobain was dead, The State, Liquid Television, and The Jon Stewart Show were gone, and Jenny McCarthy had taken over. That is, perhaps, an oversimplification, but there was a moment of punkish charm that flitted out in a flash and The State was a big part of it, bringing incredible electricity to everything they did. Their second sketch is literally everyone running through the setup of a late-night talk show and I don’t know why but it felt so fresh compared to the more staid offerings on SNL. And it also still holds up. You’ll have to go the physical media route but there’s a timelessness to the material that isn’t there with a lot of other things on this list. There are also no weak links in the cast — look at the careers carved out by its alums, working together or on their own projects. The State became a wave that continues to influence and participate in a large cross-section of relevant comedy.

The Sketch:

I can’t find a good clip of Louie and the Last Supper so we’re going to spin the wheel of awesome… winding up with this mix of cheery sitcom tropeiness and human tragedy to demonstrate the next level creativity and range of The State.

4. Saturday Night Live

It really isn’t fair to rank SNL against these shows. Nearly none of them have had to try and do a full 22-episode season and create while dealing with broadcast standards and rules. They certainly haven’t had to turn over their cast because of the passage of time or deal with being looked at constantly as a measuring stick for other’s greatness. I consider myself an SNL apologist with a defensive streak born from a decades-long love for this thing that first taught me what funny is; a thing that is a crazy kamikaze mission every single week owing to the unreal complexity required to not screw it all up.

But… but… despite getting substantial contributions from almost every member of the Avengers of comedy over the last 30 years (I mean, holy hell, from Myers to Sandler to Ferrell to Fey, Poehler, Fallon, Samberg, Hader, Rudolph, McKinnon, and on and on) and creating standout moments with impressive regularity, SNL can’t possibly claim that top spot. Because it isn’t as dangerous as it was when Lorne Michaels started the whole thing (a period that, perhaps unfairly, isn’t being counted since we’re judging the last 30 years), meaning it isn’t going to get in trouble or wow you while trying. That doesn’t mean that it’s safe, per se. There’s a middle ground that it has long occupied. And that’s fine. No one could possibly sustain the brashness and rebellion of youth. Every show on this list save for MADtv came undone before it could disassemble and reassemble and deal with the weight of success and becoming a brand. But the show, and its creator, have endured. SNL is very good, very often. But it’s the establishment now and there’s no getting around what that means when comparing the show to ones that can more freely move in the space.

The Sketch:

SNL’s strengths are its production values and access to top tier talents that come in, takeover, and create things that likely couldn’t be made on another show. Especially now. The trio of John Mulaney New York-y musical numbers really stands out as an example of that, specifically the first one, set in a diner.

3. Kids In The Hall

Also produced by Lorne Michaels, Kids In The Hall wasn’t coming for SNL‘s crown. The goal was more clearly to be a companion piece and a vessel for indie-tinged comedy that the mothership couldn’t replicate. Thing is, they were too good to exist in the shadows and too pure to get sanded down for the masses. And yet the formula was simple with seemingly clean-cut Canadian nice boys Dave Foley, Kevin McDonald, Bruce McCulloch, Mark McKinney, and Scott Thompson hiding their horns and finding creative ways to take mundane interactions and moments to extreme and surprising places. A trip to a record store was an invitation to Doors fan boot camp and a chance to break on through. Frustrations and anxieties were amplified. Silly, rowdy, lawless, smart, absurd, and occasionally surreal — the Kids In The Hall earned their moniker. If SNL showed me what funny was, Kids In The Hall taught me what cool was.

The Sketch:

“Citizen Kane” is the Citizen Kane of Kids In The Hall sketches, showcasing a snackable breakdown spurred by the most frustrating man in the world.

2. Mr. Show

Bob Odenkirk is all over this list. He produced and often appeared on Birthday Boys, he wrote and starred in The Ben Stiller Show, he wrote on The Dana Carvey Show, wrote and appeared on the Tim & Eric Awesome Show, wrote on SNL, created and starred in Mr. Show (and With Bob And David), and his work has surely influenced nearly everything else. Odenkirk is, full stop, the most important figure in sketch comedy history — save for Lorne Michaels — and Mr. Show is the finest example of his talents, thanks to the incredibly fruitful creative partnership with David Cross (dating back to The Ben Stiller Show). Debuting in 1995 just after or just before the demise of some of the more daring shows on this list (The State, Kids In The Hall, In Living Color, The Ben Stiller Show), Mr. Show proved to be a home for cast-off sketch comedy fans (and talents) in search of inventiveness, blending a rebel spirit with proficiency and a clear mastery 0f the form. There’s a reason Mr. Show always lives at or near the top of these lists.

The Sketch:

The contrasting styles between Tim & Eric‘s “Prices” and Mr. Show‘s “Fairsley Difference” are interesting. The premise is basically the same: two rival businesses competing for the attention of customers, but while the Tim & Eric approach quickly devolves into clip art chaos, Mr. Show takes its time, stretching out the lies by Odenkirk’s Fairsley narrator as the slow-rolling beat down on Cross’ Gibbons continues, mining laughter from his impotence to stop it. Both are commenting on an evil element of capitalism, but Mr. Show is saying more about how Goliath runs the table on David now, sans consequences for straight-up lying and other misdeeds. Also, I can’t help but also call attention to “Blow Up The Moon” for the very relevant send-up of anti-science morons and herd mentality.

1. Chappelle’s Show

What it comes down to is that thing that I said about SNL and danger: how shows and performers respond to it limits or frees their creativity. And while others near the top of this list took plenty of chances and danced with the danger, Chappelle’s Show craved it. I think Dave Chappelle does too. I didn’t always realize it, but I think that’s why he goes to places, comedically, that most others avoid. He is as unafraid of the consequences of pissing people off or missing on something as he is tantalized by the idea that he might be able to figure it out and do what others think is impossible — create the perfect joke. Chappelle’s Show‘s focus was multifaceted, creating indelible moments while joking about being Oprah’s baby daddy, exploring the real internet, poking at cultural appropriation with a race draft and the nature of bigotry with Clayton Bigsby, often reaching a rarefied space with material that was surprising, unforgettable, and occasionally even profound.

The Sketch:

The above-mentioned sketches all good rest here as a prime example of Chappelle’s Show‘s greatness, but to close this whole thing out if just feels right to close on a double dose of Charlie Murphy as Chappelle helps play out tales about Prince and Rick James in two of the most uproariously funny sketches in the history of the form.

This week the coronavirus stimulus checks have started to roll out to those who filed their 2018 and 2019 taxes and signed up to receive federal funds through direct deposit. If you’ve met the minimum qualifications for a payment — your annual income is below $75,000 and you e-filed your taxes — it’s likely you have your money already. If you don’t, it’s for one of two reasons. Either you’re just one of the unlucky few who hasn’t received theirs (funds will be distributed over the next three weeks) or you were listed as a dependent on your parents 2019 taxes.

In our breakdown of the coronavirus stimulus bill, we mentioned that some people would inevitably fall between the cracks and bureaucratic language of the bill, and one of those vulnerable groups it turns out is young people between the ages of 17 and 24. Here is where it gets frustrating: If your parents listed you as a dependent, then they’ll receive an additional $500 added atop their stimulus check, so long as you’re 17. So if you were listed as a dependent in 2019, between the ages of 18-24, and in desperate need of funds because either you’ve suddenly found yourself out of work, or your parents don’t support you financially, you’re unfortunately out of luck. Elaine Maag of the Urban-Brookings Tax Policy Center told Vox that by her estimations that equals out to about 9 million people who won’t receive any federal funds for coronavirus relief.

That’s that, unfortunately. Sorry, but we don’t have any good news for you and the IRS is not offering a remedy to your particular situation. For those of us 25 and older who still haven’t gotten paid, the IRS launched a handy tool yesterday to help track your refund. Unfortunately, a lot of people who qualify for the $1,200 check are getting the following message from the IRS:

“Payment Status Not Available. According to information that we have on file, we cannot determine your eligibility for a payment at this time.”

Don’t worry, this doesn’t necessarily mean the IRS doesn’t have your information. A lot of people are getting this message, some filed their 2019 tax returns late, some filed 2018 but not 2019, and some filed their taxes as soon as they received their returns back in January and February so it doesn’t seem to be related to WHEN you filed your taxes. It’s likely an IRS glitch or temporary message as the IRS continues to process the returns.

Visit the IRS website to check the status of your money but keep in mind that an excess of three logins per day will lock you out of the system for 24 hours. So check it once, and if you received the above message don’t expect to see your funds until at least tomorrow.

Prom seasons is nearly upon us, but there’s one problem: Schools are closed in 25 states due to the coronavirus outbreak. It’s one of countless bummers to befall our nation as we endure a disaster unseen since the 1918 flu pandemic, and while there’s no replacement for dressing up in tuxes, attaching corsages, and awkwardly slow-dancing to a hot number spun by one of your teachers, at least someone is trying to offer the next best thing: John Krasinski announced on Friday, April 17th, he’ll step in as your prom DJ.

The actor, filmmaker, and apparent DJ broke the news on Instagram, with a TikTok video of dressed up in a blue tux, and at one point in casual quarantine clothes, singing along to “Lady in Red.” “That’s right class of 2020,” he wrote in the caption. “I’m DJing your prom with some friends this Friday night 8EST/5PST!! Click link in bio for invitation! See you then!” He then dropped the #SGNProm.

Krasinski didn’t reveal who the “friends” would be, but this follows a fairly common trend among entertainers, who, trapped in their homes, bored out of their minds, and no doubt itching to delight audiences, have turned on their webcams and beamed new material out along the information superhighway.

Krasinski is one of countless Hollywood players whose work was rescheduled as the outbreak worsened; you’ll still have to wait till September to see A Quiet Place Part II, which he wrote and directed but, as you may know, does not star in. One perk of all this horror is that he can add DJ to a CV that already includes beloved Office alum, David Foster Wallace adopter, Michael Bay action star, and Tom Clancy hero.

You can tune into Krasinski and company’s DJ set on Friday the 17th at 8pm on this YouTube channel.

HBO Max has just announced that is very much in the J.J. Abrams business.

In a new press release, the upcoming streaming service has given series orders to three major one hour dramas from Abrams’ and wife Katie McGrath’s Bad Robot production company. One of those series will feature characters from DC Comics’ Justice League Dark universe, which has struggled to make its way into theaters. The supernatural take on the Justice League is now full steam head on HBO Max, however, but with very little in the way of details, according to The Hollywood Reporter:

JLD debuted in DC Comics in 2011 and is a team featuring magic-based characters such as Zatanna, Deadman, Swamp Thing and John Constantine. Over the years, Warners has attempted to get a big-screen version of the ground with filmmaker such as Doug Liman and Guillermo Del Toro coming and going. Warners-backed streamer DC Universe also had a short-lived drama series based on Swamp Thing and produced a Constantine TV series for NBC with the character ultimately folded into The CW’s Arrow-verse. (The fate of DC Universe as a home for scripted originals remains murky at best.)

As THR notes, launching a Justice League Dark series on HBO Max may not bode well for DC’s other streaming service. As for the two other Bad Robot series coming down the pipe, here are the official details straight from HBO.

Duster:

Set in the 1970’s Southwest, the life of a gutsy getaway driver for a growing crime syndicate goes from awful to wildly, stupidly, dangerously awful. Morgan is currently a writer on “The Walking Dead”. Previously, she was a co-executive producer and writer of AMC’s “Into the Badlands” and “TURN: Washington’s Spies,” and was a writer for NBC’s “Parenthood” and Showtime’s “Shameless.” Produced by Warner Bros. Television.

Overlook:

A horror-thriller series inspired by and featuring iconic characters from Stephen King’s masterpiece The Shining. “Overlook” explores the untold, terrifying stories of the most famous haunted hotel in American fiction. The project reunites Bad Robot, King and WBTV, who previously collaborated on the acclaimed psychological-horror series “Castle Rock” for Hulu.

HBO Max is scheduled to launch in May 2020.

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Saturday Night Live comedian Michael Che announced the devastating news that his grandmother had died of COVID-19 on April 6 in an Instagram post. He said he was “obviously very hurt and angry that she had to go through all that pain alone,” but he was “also happy that she’s not in pain anymore.”

Everyone handles grief differently, and Che explained that he was going through “the whole gamut of complex feelings everybody else has losing someone very close and special.”

A week and a half later, Che has announced that he’s doing something to honor his grandma—paying rent for the month for all 160 units in the public housing complex his grandmother used to live in in New York.

In response to a comment, Che explained that his grandmother had lived in the New York City Housing Authority building more than three decades ago, before moving south. But, he wrote, “it’s crazy to me that residents of public housing are still expected to pay their rent when so many New Yorkers can’t even work. Obviously I can’t offer much help by myself. But in the spirit and memory of my late grandmother, I’m paying one month’s rent for all 160 apartments in the NYCHA building she lived in.”

“I know that’s just a drop in the bucket,” he continued. “So I really hope the city has a better plan for debt forgiveness for all the people in public housing. AT THE VERY LEAST.” Che then called on Mayor DeBlasio, Governor Cuomo, and Diddy, saying “Let’s fix this! Page me!”

Channeling grief into giving is a beautiful way to honor someone who has passed away, especially in a time when so many are in dire need of assistance. No doubt having a month’s rent covered will be a nice surprise and at least a slight ease of burden for families in that apartment building.

Well done, Michael Che. Let’s hope your generosity spreads to others who have the means and the heart to share the wealth.

‘SNL’ Star Michael Che’s Grandmother Dies From COVID-19

www.youtube.com

I stan them even more now.

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Previously on the Best and Worst of NXT: Io Shirai became the new number one contender for Charlotte Flair’s NXT Women’s Championship, Ever-Rise fell again, and Johnny Gargano and Tommaso Ciampa finally ended their four-year feud with a balls-kicking swerve. Wrestling’s gotta wrestling.

If you’d like to read previous installments of the Best and Worst of NXT, you can do that here. Follow With Spandex on Twitter and Facebook. You can also follow me on Twitter, where everything and everyone is terrible.

And now, the Best and Worst of WWE NXT for April 15, 2020.

Before We Begin

It’s been a hard week to exist in or around WWE. To present it apolitically and without comment, Linda McMahon’s SuperPAC promised to spend 18.5 million dollars in Florida just before Florida named WWE, which I feel compelled to remind you is cartoons and stereotypes pretending to fight, an “essential business.” WWE then had a conference call where they assured investors that they had 500 million cash in hand to weather the storm only to then immediately release over 20 wrestlers and furlough a bunch of producers, writers, and trainers in the middle of a global pandemic to save about $700,000. WWE Superstars are essential, except when they aren’t, and they’re employees, except when they’re actually independent contractors, and WWE can’t put on shows without them, unless your football league just went out of business and you’ve got to keep the Stonks man happy.

In short, wrestling being declared an essential service during a pandemic because of well-timed political donations and then firing a bunch of its non-employee employees after bragging about turning a profit anyway and having 500 million on hand is the most carny shit of all time. That’s the latest in a seemingly endless series of reasons why it’s hard to watch and support the shows, ESPECIALLY when you can imagine how terrible most of these people feel going out and doing a live show during a plague while their friends and co-workers are still in the process of finding out they’re being let go when they need their jobs the most.

Now that I’ve typed that out, I’m going to assume 30% of the comments section will be “actually” posts from armchair economists and the Corporations Are People Too crowd, skip those completely, and try to write about the wrestling show in the context of the wrestling show. I like and appreciate the wrestlers, even when I don’t, independently of the honestly pretty monstrous corporation in charge of them. But it’s 2020, right? Which one of us DOESN’T work for an evil corporation?

Best: NXT UK

Up first this week is Finn Bálor vs. Fabian Aichner. It’s the pamphlet you read while you wait for your Finn Bálor vs. WALTER novel to arrive. Aichner is solid and occasionally very good, but he’s still just the color-corrected, real-life version of Red and Green from Smackdown vs. Raw. Finn foots him to death, as you’d expect, in the same way he’ll presumably foot-kill Alexander Wolfe and Marcel Barthel while we tread water hoping Finn and WALTER can get to the same place at the same time, stay healthy both in the ring and in the dangerous world outside of it, and hopefully have some fans around to watch it. Honestly, just send Dominick Mysterio out there with some Dvořák and a greatcoat and see what you can get out of it.

Finn returns later in the night to interrupt Velveteen Dream (trying to win the Cat Game from Super Troopers by saying “Adam Cole” in full as many times as possible in one conversation) and tell him to be kerful about attributing “greatest ever” status to NXT Champions. They’ll have a one-on-one match next week — another one you really wish fans could be around for, to make it special — because Adam Cole is dedicated to socially distancing out by the pool and letting his girlfriend’s thriving, self-perpetuating dentistry bring in the household capital.

Best: This Charlotte Flair Video Package

Maybe It’s Over: Xialiyah, The Legend Continues

Xia Li and NXT Lifer Aliyah have been feuding on and off since September of last year, and hopefully this decisive, three-minute win with a finisher for Li ends their Gargano and Ciampa-esque run together. The best these matches ever get is, “not embarrassing,” because bless her heart, Aliyah has been in NXT longer than Iron Mike Sharpe had that cast on his arm.

I’m not a huge Xia Li fan right now either, but she’s got a very clear upside, and it’ll be even more clear when she gets a finisher better than a Trouble in Paradise to the back you have to be in Child’s Pose to take. Wrestlers (read: Aliyah) have GOT to stop selling that like it’s a knockout blow. Being “knocked out” isn’t the only way you should be pinned, you know? Sometimes the idea is that a part of your body is hurt too much for you to kick out. At the very least, a part of your body is hurt so badly you’re in shock or too busy reacting or something to pay attention to the count. If you get knocked out from a kick to the middle of your back you’re either the weakest person in the company, or your opponent’s got super strength and just kicked your spine in half, Mortal Kombat-style.

Just A Setup For Next Week: Kai Another Day

In other women’s division news, the Tegan Nox and Dakota Kai beef has pivoted into a tag team match (player) after Nox defeats Raquel Gonzalez with Shotzi Blackheart running interference on Kai’s interference. Kai tries to cheat, because I guess Shawn Michaels also has to help Diesel win matches now, and Shotzi shows up (sans tank, sadly) to even the odds. Gonzalez falls victim to the Payback counter, is sapped by the Divas Memorial Distraction Roll-Up, and takes the pin. Next week it’ll be Nox and Shotzi (tag team name: SHAX) versus Kai and Gonzalez, for momentum.

Worst: That’s Not An Anaconda Vice

Dexter Lumis squashes Tehuti Miles and wins with the “Anaconda Vice,” which is not the Anaconda Vice. The way Merrin Dahmer over here is doing it, it’s a head and arm choke, like the one Jake Hager’s been doing. This is like when WWE decided any running knee strike was a “Shining Wizard.” If you’re going to put your name next to Hiroyoshi Tenzan’s and CM Punk’s, you need to at least bother to secure the arm and do it right. Watch your tapes, Hannibal Summerisle.

Speaking Of Funny Murderer Names

Killer Kross makes his formal, in-person debut (kind of?) this week by attacking Tommaso Ciampa. He’s now known as KARRION KROSS, which is what Jesus was doing before he was crucified. Kross is working a Ke$ha gimmick, so I’m excited for when his wrestling goes more acoustic and he starts doing covers of country matches.

Note: I am aware that my Kesha jokes are already 11 years old, so if you’re not a dying old person like me, here’s a replacement joke. “Kross crawls over Ciampa’s body and says the words, ‘tick tock,’ setting up their next six months of unnecessarily choreographed, 15-second dance battles.”

Best: KING CUERNO ALERT

Despite taking off his mask and wrestling at live events as “Jorge Bolly,” WWE’s called an audible and wants El Hijo del Fantasma to be — get this — El Hijo del Fantasma. Crazy, right? I’m hoping this brilliantly talented motherfucker with the best consistent dive in wrestling history gets to be more like Andrade and less like the Lucha Dragons, and that he has little to nothing to do with cruiserweights being kidnapped by randos in luchador masks in the Full Sail parking lot. Although I’ll be honest, if it’s revealed Fantasma ordered those abductions so he could kill them, stuff them, and mount them in his trophy room, I’ll lose my shit.

Wish they’d let him keep the more unique mask design, though. WWE likes to homogenize those luchador masks until there’s no actual design, and you can barely tell the dragon guy from the cat guy, or whatever. Global homogenization and assimilation doesn’t do design or individuality any favors, I guess.

Best: The Interim Cruiserweight Championship Tournament Begins

As mentioned:

• it’s ridiculous that this tournament’s happening at all, given that Jordan Devlin’s not exactly sitting at home refusing to defend the championship, it’s the goddamn world’s fault, despite how much I like the miniature G1 setup
• Drake Maverick was announced for this and then let go almost immediately after, so given his comments about it on social media it’s hard to go into this with anything but cautious discomfort. Although I guess that could be said for almost anything happened on live, “essential” wrestling shows during a global health disaster

With all that understood, yeah, Akira Tozawa vs. Isaiah Scott is a good match. I’m always down for one of these surprise “actually Akira Tozawa’s gonna WIN now” bouts. Tozawa’s one of my very favorites, and one of the worst low key creative crimes of the past several years is signing THAT guy and turning him into an average, relatively personality-free cruiserweight like the rest of them. There’s not a huge difference between Tozawa and most of the people he wrestles aside from the fact that he’s Japanese and barks sometimes, which does a tremendous disservice to him being creatively off the wall and one of the most legitimately entertaining weirdos in wrestling.

Best: Keith Lee Is Adorable And You Should Love Him

Not a lot to say about this video package other than, “to know Keith Lee is to love him,” and possibly, “OH MY GOD LOOK AT KEITH LEE AS A BABY.” My only complaint is that Dominik Dijakovic didn’t crawl up from out of the water in the background and demand another North American title shot.

Best, But Also I Miss Fans: Timothy Thatcher Debuts As NXT Tag Team Champion

Finally this week we have Stallion Matt of the BroserWeights being forced to pick a replacement for Stallion Pete by Stallion Regal and ending up with Stallion Timothy Thatcher. They’re defending the BroserWeights’ Tag Team Championship against Pony Strong and Pony Fish. I think “Pony Strong” is just a stallion, isn’t it? Also, a “Pony Fish” is technically a hippocampus. So it’s two stallions including one substitute stallion against an additional stallion and a sea-horse.

Anyway, (1) Timothy Thatcher is a great replacement for Dunne, as he’s basically what would happen if Oney Lorcan and Danny Burch did the Fusion Dance and dressed up as Drew Gulak, and (2) I love that Pete Dunne’s wearing a WWE 2K19 jacket, and not a WWE 2K20 one. Pete knows what’s up. In case you’re wondering, Kyle O’Reilly didn’t make the show because he has diabetes, and if you’re immunocompromised in any way you should be staying the hell away from people right now.

This was easily the best match of the night and a strong way to debut Thatcher, although like a lot of these situations, it sure would’ve been fun to hear the roar of the people in the crowd who knew the name. Although if that was the case Pete Dunne would just be here? Anyway, Thatcher’s a tremendous addition to the show, and I hope Vince McMahon never sees him, decides he’s boring, and gives him a character where he’s a dorky loser who is boring and sucks. I also hope that when WALTER can finally show up again, Thatcher joins back up with him and helps Finn Bálor and Matt Riddle learn important lessons about mat sacredness.

Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week

Mr. Bliss

I’m sitting here thinking “Tehuti Miles out here dressing like Dwayne Wayne,” and then Byron says “Loomis looks like he’s from a different world” and now I’m afraid Byron can read my mind but screws it up just like he screws up everything else.

AddMayne

Taylor Swish

I’m waiting for the report that WWE has cut back on catering, so Undisputed Era, Riddle, and a bunch of other guys are sitting in a circle as Asuka cooks them Korean BBQ on a tiny copper grill.

Baron

Byron: Thatcher doesn’t even have a social media account
Seth: Hmmmmmmmmm

Dexter Lumis should just go sit in the stands for the rest of these tapings and stare at Byron.

troi

Marcel Barthel sounds like the name of a snooty cartoon mouse

The Voice of Raisin

It’s the second most unfeeling, coldest, and murderous Thatcher in UK history!

EvilDucky

Keith Lee pouncing Adam Cole into the cheap seats will NEVER not make me laugh

notJames

The way Tozawa’s clutching his head after that running senton, maybe Lawler meant to call it the rammin’ noodle moonsault.

Mac&CheeseMainEvent

*Matt Riddle eyes private jet and nods*

Riddle, to himself: “Hmm. I got to break Pete out of the UK and bring himself back to the states. And there is only one way for me to get there and I’m looking at it—-”
*hand comes down on Matt’s shoulder*
Triple H: “Riddle. Today is not the day.”
Riddle: “I tried, bro.”

That’s it for this week’s Best and Worst of NXT. At least it was better than TakeOver, he said for the first time ever.

As always, make sure to drop down into our comments section and let us know what you thought of the episode, and if you liked or laughed at anything in here, give us a share on social media to help us out. It helps more than you know, especially during all this COVID-19 nightmare where we’re trying to keep freelancers lancing freely writing about almost wrestling shows.

Join us here next week for Jack Gallagher getting taxidermied El Hijo del Fantasma, Drake Maverick vs. Jake Atlas in a match that will make us have a lot of complicated feelings, KUSHIDA vs. Tony Nese, and Dakota Kai and her mom vs. Tegan Nox and her weird friend from school. See you then!