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Previously on the Best and Worst of NXT: Timothy Thatcher, who looks like Drew Gulak if Gulak came from California instead of Pennsylvania, debuted as NXT Tag Team Champion. Finn Bálor showed up to make a date he wasn’t going to keep, and Tommaso Ciampa was attacked by the White Rabbit.

If you’d like to read previous installments of the Best and Worst of NXT, you can do that here. Follow With Spandex on Twitter and Facebook. You can also follow me on Twitter, where everything and everyone is terrible.

And now, the Best and Worst of WWE NXT for April 15, 2020.

Worst, Then Best: Montage Of A Dream Deferred

Finn Bálor was supposed to face The Velveteen Dream in the night’s main event, but there was a Finn incident — a Finncident, if you will — backstage. Two referees found a Finn Bálor t-shirt next to an overturned garbage can and Finn was nowhere to be found, which can only mean something terrible has happened. Top bets include “stuck by Imperium and thrown into Lake Osceola,” “abducted by two mysterious masked men in the Full Sail parking lot,” and, “didn’t want to leave his house and roll around with someone in their sweaty underwear during a global pandemic.” One of the three. Tom Phillips puts it into the proper context:

“In the wake of one of the more distributing scenes in NXT history, tonight we are faced with another.”

Now left without an opponent, Velveteen Dream opens the show with a promo talking about “new levels” causing “new devils,” because he’s been playing a lot of Ghosts’n Goblins on his 3DS. He’s interrupted by Adam Cole, who believes (or at least asserts) that Dream is the one who vanished Bálor so he could worm his way into an NXT Championship match. Assuming that’s true, Cole does the only reasonable thing and sics the available, non-immunocompromised members of Undisputed Era on him. Good Guy Keith Lee makes the save to set up a tag team match for the main event, and remind us how fun it is any time he’s able to check Adam Cole into oblivion

Unfortunately for Dream, Lee is ALSO attacked only a few minutes into the match by the nightstick of former Cobb County prison guard Damian Priest. It looks like Dream’s going to have to go it alone until, suddenly, Dexter Lumis is in his corner. No entrance, not even a shot of him climbing up onto the apron, just a hard cut to a different camera angle and boom, there he is. And brother, it just works. Who knew that Velveteen Dream’s best friend would be the other guy who crawls around on his belly and stares at people? It’s like two snakes finding each other in the terrarium. Bless whoever was like, “Prince should accidentally become friends with a serial killer.” How good would that movie be? AND THE SOUNDTRACK.

I don’t know how, but Dexter Lumis showing up like a murderous Orange Cassidy to take the hot tag and heroically stomp the shit out of the NXT Champion felt like NXT’s first inspired decision in a while. Maybe since they came to USA Network. I just wish they’d been able to do this in front of fans, because oh man, Full Sail would’ve started up the “holy shit” chant right around the time of that standing dropkick.

This Week In The Largely Unnecessary Interim NXT Cruiserweight Championship Tournament

Drake Maverick wrestles the first of his purported final three matches in WWE as somehow even LESS than an independent contractor, and takes a hard loss to Jake Atlas. You know, one of two things is going on here. One, Maverick’s firing was either a work, or they reneged on it when they saw the social media outpouring for his goodbye video. Or two, they laid a guy off for real and are using his upcoming inability to provide for his family during a societal collapse as a wrestling storyline. The first one would be a huge slap in the face to everyone else who did get laid off for real. The second one means they’re outright exploiting him, and/or planning to pat themselves on the back for giving him his job back after they book him to win. It’s not like he could, say, win actual, real-life competitive sports matches to win a championship and save his job. WWE controls the narrative and everything in it. So either way, it’s just a confusing, bad situation. “Real life sadness due to unemployment and confusion” is a “ripped from the headlines” plot we don’t really need to see on escapist TV shows right now.

It’s a shame that it feels so iffy, because Drake Maverick is awesome and deserves a spot on the show, and Jake Atlas is out here busting his ass with cartwheel DDTs and a complex introspection on the nature of self-worth and masculinity. I’m surprised they didn’t have Los Conquistadores roll up in a mini-van and kidnap them for sounding like human beings.

SPEAKING OF THAT;

This week’s most important moment is the debut of lucha libre institution and recent cowboy taxidermist El Hijo del Fantasma. His WWE look is more Lizmark Jr. than El Fantasma, but I guess every luchador in the company has to more or less look the same. On the topic of look changes, he’s up against Gentleman Jack Gallagher, who if you haven’t been watching 205 Live is now covered in horrible nautical flash and dresses like he’s the star of a gritty British prequel to Christmas. Have you ever wondered what Santa was like BEFORE he started delivering presents??

Hijo del Fantasma breaks out his signature dive here, which will never have a better name than the Lucha Underground version, the Arrow From The Depths Of Hell. It’s notable that he accidentally clips the top rope with both feet but is still going fast and hard enough to eat Gallagher up. That sort of thing usually compromises the entire move and leads to some bad situations. You could shoot El Hijo del Fantasma with an actual bow and arrow and he’s gonna follow through with the dive.

Afterward, Fantasma’s foolishly hanging out in the Full Sail parking lot, the nation’s leading site for cruiserweight abductions, and has to fight off the same masked men who kidnapped (and murdered?) Raul Mendoza and Joaquin Wilde.

A quick note from the Best and Worst of NXT for April 1:

I’ve got to say though, it’s pretty weird that these guys are wearing Black Shadow and Dos Caras masks without, you know, being Black Shadow or Dos Caras. I hate that NXT has become a promotion where they expect fans to not know anything about wrestling. Especially when Dos Caras is a former four-time world champion’s dad, you know? As @luchablog correctly pointed out, if NXT used Tiger Mask and Jushin Thunder Liger masks here, maybe American fans would realize how weird it is for WWE to use easily identifiable wrestling legend iconography for unidentified kidnappers in a throwaway segment. Y’all don’t have the Conquistadors’ masks somewhere in storage down there?

This week, the kidnappers are wearing Conquistador masks.

Wait, does this make me an accessory to kidnapping?

In this week’s final tournament match, KUSHIDA (which is going to be hard for me to stop typing in capital letters) defeats Tony Nese, because of course he does. The announce team is still WHOAAA SHOCKED at KUSHIDA’s top rope Hoverboard Lock transition even though he’s already done it in NXT several times, but it’s dope, and WWE spent like five whole years being stunned by John Cena’s top rope leg drop, so it is what it is. Give me a Kushida vs. El Hijo del Fantasma final or give me death. You don’t want to see Fantasma dive 15 feet out into the aisle and get arm-barred on the way down?

Best: Hands Down

Mia Yim defeats Jessi Kamea, who has given up her adorkable Mae Young Classic dancing nerd gimmick to wrestle in what Lacey Evans might wear if she was a New Japan Young Lion. At least she has a last name again! And shout-out to that Erik Watts-style missile dropkick. Jessi is truly a high flyer of the highest magnitude:

After the match, Yim is confronted by La Reina Charlotte Flair, and the two exchange pleasantries about past NXT encounters before Flair completely and utterly burns her by calling her a “good hand.” Oh, and in case you’re one of the many who misheard it, Charlotte said the deepest division, not the “Divas division.” Although calling the NXT women’s division the “Divas division” would be tremendously condescending.

Perfectly Fine: This Tag Team Match

Tegan Nox teams up with Shotzi Blackheart to face Dakota Kai and Raquel Gonzalez in a tag team match that was set up last week, and it’s perfectly cromulent wrestling. It feels like the Kai and Nox story should’ve ended (or at least should’ve gotten paused) after one of those Kai gimmick match wins, but in the era of Gargano and Ciampa, do feuds ever really end? The best news is probably the return of Shotzi’s bumper-car entrance, reminding us that NXT currently features a character whose gimmick is, “green-haired werewolf with horns who gets around in a go-kart-sized tank.”

Also On This Episode

Chelsea Green and Robert Stone are my favorite characters from Too Hot To Handle.

Here’s Damian Priest wearing a beanie and cutting a promo on a rooftop, confirming my suspicions that his character is just Chris R from The Room. “WHERE’S MY FUCKING MONEY, KEITH??” I believe this makes Matt Riddle and Timothy Thatcher Johnny and Mark, respectively.

Finally, please enjoy the re-imagining of Johnny Gargano and Candice LeRae as a Peanuts character and a pastel goth who joined The Dark Order over dinner. You’ve gotta love the intense tonal shift between smooth jazz and BLACK AND WHITE SHAKY CAM. Someone at Full Sail watched Zach Braff stare into a broken mirror in Garden State and thought, “yes, this is the quality of symbolism for me.”

Gargano:

“You can play by the rules as much as you want, but let’s be honest … the NXT that I love has become a toxic wasteland where the good people are taken advantage of, and the horrible people thrive, and are rewarded for it.”

That’s not new, man, that’s called working for WWE. Sami Zayn and Neville did a whole bit about it.

Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week

AddMayne

Vince when he finally watches Dark Side of the Ring

SexCauldron

Dakota Kai made me sign up for 3 subscriptions to Columbia House then stole all the CDs I got for a penny

FeltLuke

Io: Why do I want to face Charlotte? Because i want to show her…

Every Internet Snark in Unison: HOW TO DO A MOONSAULT!

Baron Von Raschke

Here’s to you, Drake.

EvilDucky

If Lumis just randomly starts showing up and causing indiscriminate chaos towards faces AND heels, I could get WAY into that

Caz

Adam Cole is Dennis’s personality with Mac’s face and Dee’s hair

troi

You know Candice is evil now because she has black lipstick

who knew kidnapping Dj Z would be way easier than King Cuerno?

The Real Birdman

Was looking for a drunk/sad Zack Ryder in the background of this Chelsea Green vignette

Mr. Bliss

Gargano: “And we’ll be the first married couple to reign supreme”

Steph watching at home: “Hunter! What a great anniversary present! A couple we can squash to remind everyone who really reigns around here! Thank You, babe. I’ll call my trainer tomorrow!”

The only other thing to mention is that “Karrion Kross” and whatever they’re calling Scarlett Bordeaux are basically doing Death Proof and Planet Terror at the same time. They’re going to rule NXT with THREATENING STOCK FOOTAGE! Thinking about wrestling them? DON’T.

That’s it for this week’s Best and Worst of NXT. We’re not sure you ever actually read this part or do what we ask, but hey, it would really help us if you commented down below and shared the column if you liked or laughed at anything. The world’s tough, and that makes this kind of thing a lot easier.

Join us here next week for Charlotte Flair versus a Good Hand, and the Big Priest Man taking on Keith Lee for the North American Championship.

After years of talk about the idea of a two-night WrestleMania, it finally happened this year, but under very specific circumstance that (knock on wood) are unlikely to be repeated. The COVID-19 pandemic meant that they couldn’t have the originally planned event at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, and also that the Hall of Fame Ceremony and NXT TakeOver were cancelled entirely, creating extra space and a desire for a show that wouldn’t go on as long in one big chunk, since the experience of watching it with no live, cheering crowd was already going to be weird enough.

But now that the seal has been broken on a two-night Mania, it’s easy to wonder if that might become the standard. At least one person at the top of WWE likes the idea. Triple H, both a Hall of Famer and the Executive Vice President of Global Talent Strategy & Development at WWE, was asked about it and definitely likes the idea.

As Triple H pointed out on Corey Graves’ official WWE podcast, After the Bell, WrestleMania has become such a big multi-day event anyway, that taking it to two nights makes a lot of sense, even if it might prove hard to schedule.

I think it was much more enjoyable than the 8 hour extravaganza. I think at some point that’s probably what it should be. It’s just become so big…it started out as a concert that ended up being a festival, and it’s this week-long thing. Thursday would have been Hall of Fame. Friday was SmackDown. Saturday was going to be TakeOver. Sunday would’ve been WrestleMania. Monday would’ve been Raw. It’s a week-long festival, and I think that big main stage attraction needs to be those two nights…that’s a major shift and that doesn’t come easy.

You can talk about scheduling complications all day, but if Triple H thinks it should happen and it doesn’t happen, the obvious assumption is that Vince McMahon is against the idea. And that’s understandable. He created WrestleMania, after all, and he’s not the biggest fan of new ideas that didn’t come from him. Still, now that the idea’s in the air, a two-night Mania might be inevitable.

Car Seat Headrest is armed with gas masks in their latest videos and ready for whatever this year has in store for them. The group is ushering in a new era four years after their last LP, Teens Of Denial. Car Seat Headrest has previously shared the tracks “Can’t Cool Me Down,” “Martin,” and “Hollywood.” Now, the group has debuted their upcoming record’s stunning, seven-minute centerpiece, “There Must Be More Than Blood” with an acoustic video.

“There Must Be More Than Blood” arrives mid-way through Car Seat Headrest’s upcoming LP, Making A Door Less Open. The single boasts vocalist Will Toledo’s signature coarse vocals and the song’s accompanying video is a quarantine-style commentary on the current state of the world.

The band’s “Martin” visual touts Toledo, dressed as his alternate ego Trait, in a full hazmat suit washing dishes for the video’s entirety, and “There Must Be More Than Blood” is its acoustic follow-up. Sporting the same gas mask, Toledo sits in his room and strums along to the acoustic track on guitar. “There must be more than blood that holds us together / There must be more than wind that takes us away / There must be more than tears when they pull back the curtain / Of this much I am certain,” he sings.

Watch the “There Must Be More Than Blood” video above.

Making A Door Less Open is out 5/1 via Matador. Pre-order it here.

Festival season would have been upon us if a global pandemic hadn’t spread. But while Coachella may be postponed and several others canceled, Warner Music Group is aiming to cure the festival blues. The group announced the virtual PlayOn Festival in support of the World Health Organization. The online festival boasts some of today’s hottest artists like Cardi B, Ed Sheeran, Charli XCX, and more. Now, PlayOn Fest has more exciting news in the works. Upon sharing the set times for each artist, PlayOn Fest has added even more musicians to its star-studded lineup.

Touting the catchphrase, “Music is not cancelled,” PlayOn fest aims to have performances by some of today’s chart-topping musicians. Along with sets from artists like Anderson .Paak, Lil Uzi Vert, and Death Cab For Cutie, PlayOn Fest tapped Lizzo and Brandi Carlile to join the lineup.

After securing the full lineup, PlayOn Fest has shared the entire three-day schedule. Friday kicks things off with a set from Ed Sheeran, then ends the night with The War On Drugs. But, after The War On Drug’s set, there will still be music all through the night. Coldplay appears on the livestream at 3:45 a.m. and continues the endless stream of music. Saturday’s midnight slot arrives as a tribute to Nipsey Hussle. PlayOn Fest will stream the late rapper’s Victory Lap release performance. The entire festival concludes mid-day Monday with a final set from Wallows.

Check out the PlayOn Fest full schedule above.

The three-day event kicks off 4/24 at 12 p.m. EDT. Watch it here.

Some of the artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

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Tom Brady is getting used to life in his new digs. The future Hall of Fame inductee left the New England Patriots this past offseason, opting to head to Tampa Bay and become a member of the Buccaneers. There is, obviously, a major adjustment period that is going to come with this — he’s learning a new playbook, the tendencies of new teammates, the demands of new coaches, all that stuff.

There’s also the less obvious stuff, like the fact that Brady is becoming a member of a new community. This leads to cool things, like getting new neighbors and learning new restaurants, but can also lead to some weird situations, like an incident that occurred on April 7.

According to TMZ, Brady went to the home of his new offensive coordinator, Byron Leftwich, for a sit-down after joining the team. The issue is that Leftwich and his neighbor, a man named David Kramer, have homes that look pretty similar to one another, and as Kramer told it, this led to Brady walking into his home on accident.

“I literally was just sitting here and I watch this tall guy just walk into my house,” Kramer told TMZ. “He didn’t even look at me. He just like dropped his duffel bags down on the floor and just kind of like looked up at me and I’ll never forget the look on his face.”

Kramer — who found the incident funny — said that Brady was unsurprisingly in shock over the mix-up, and that after he apologized, he picked up his stuff and bolted out of the house. Brady isn’t exactly known for his speed, but if there was ever a time to show off the wheels, I suppose this was it.

Charli XCX has been making an album with real-time input from her fans online, and now she has followed up “Forever” with her latest How I’m Feeling Now song, “Claws.” The track features contributions from 100 Gecs member Dylan Brady, who produced and co-wrote the song, and with whom Charli has collaborated on a number of occasions.

In a recent Zoom meeting with fans, Charli discussed some ideas she has for the song’s upcoming video: “I’ve got two ideas. One involves me in a bikini on a scooter, and one involves me making out with Huck, my boyfriend, on a green screen for the whole video, kind of inspired by Shawn Mendes and Camila [Cabello] when they made out on Instagram, because that was really hot and fun. So those are the reference points, but we’ll see which one happens.”

It’s not clear which idea she is going with at this point, as she has posted photos in recent days that suggest either one could happen.

Charli also recently spoke about the nature of How I’m Feeling Now as a whole, saying in an interview, “The songs on this album aren’t literally about being in quarantine and being isolated, but […] all of the work I’m creating, whether it be the music and the production and the artwork, it is all indicative of the time we’re in, because it’s all that I can do. […] It felt like — and don’t take this out of context — for me, and the kind of artist I am, and the kind of fan base I have, it was kind of the perfect time for me to make something that could comment on this and get everybody involved.”

Listen to “Claws” above.

How I’m Feeling Now is out 5/15.

Charli XCX is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

A24’s Midsommar auction doesn’t begin until April 27, but don’t bother saving your kronas: you’re going to get outbid by Ariana Grande.

The pop star revealed her intention to buy the instantly-iconic flower dress worn by Florence Pugh in the 2019 horror movie on Instagram, writing, “I’m crying / also I’m bidding as soon as possible.” She tagged the Little Women actress, who replied, “DO IT! Halloween will never be the same.” But Grande, who always goes all-out for October 31 (this Twilight Zone costume is a mood) was one step ahead of her: “I WAS ALREADY PLANNING TO HAVE IT MADE ANYWAY BYE.” She has competition, however.

Watch Taylor Swift swoop in at the last second and out-bid them both.

Anyway, this isn’t the first time Pugh and Grande have bonded over social media. Earlier this month, Pugh addressed the negative comments she’s received online over the 21-year age gap between her and her boyfriend, Scrubs star Zach Braff. “I am 24 years old. I do not need you to tell me who I should and should not love, and I would never in my life tell anyone who they can and cannot love. It is not your place,” she said, captioning the video, “Being hateful is not trendy.” Grande had Pugh’s back and, uh, chest?

If you feel like out-bidding Grande or Halsey for the 33-pound Midsommar dress, described as “the original 10,000-silk-flower May Queen gown from Midsommar‘s fiery finale,” or any other piece of A24 merchandise for a good cause, head here.

(Via Bustle)

As the NFL becomes more and more of a pass-first league, teams are always looking to build a defense that prevents opponents from letting it fly. A great way to do this is to stockpile Edge talent, and fortunately for teams that have a need at that position heading into the 2020 NFL Draft, they’ll have plenty of options.

The latest edition in our tiered Big Board series takes a look at some of our favorite Edge players available. There is a very obvious No. 1 player here — spoiler alert: it’s Chase Young — but heading into Days 2 and 3 of the draft, there are guys who have what it takes to make an impact at the next level, even if they’re not a finished product just yet.

Tier 1

Chase Young: Arguably the best prospect in the entire 2020 NFL Draft, Young is an absolute beast on the edge. He had a preposterous 21 tackles for loss with 16.5 sacks for Ohio State last year despite the entire world knowing they needed to send help his way if able. He has the measurables and the skillset to be a dominant edge rusher in the NFL for a decade-plus.

Tier 2

K’Lavon Chaisson: The second edge rusher expected to go in this year’s class is the LSU outside linebacker, who had 60 tackles, 13.5 TFLs and 6.5 sacks as he burst on the scene this season for the Tigers after missing most of the 2018 season with an ACL tear. He’s got tremendous get off on the edge and bounced back well from that injury to show that he’s worthy of a first-round pick. He’s a superb athlete and if he taps fully into his potential could be a serious problem at the NFL level.

Tier 3

A.J. Epenesa: Scary size and length — 6’5, 275 pounds — dude just looks like he should be an All-Pro defensive end. As technically sound as you’ll find coming out of college and quite powerful, Epenesa put up big numbers the last two years, racking up 86 tackles with 30.5 TFLs and 22 sacks. Is hardly the quickest guy at the position, nor is his bag of tricks on pass rushes all that deep. The power he is able to generate, though, is special, and he know how to use his hands. So smooth that you wonder if things just come easily to him or if he’s not trying, but man, he could be a load if properly coached up. Hey, on that note…

Yetur Gross-Matos: Another guy who passes the eye test: 6’5, 266 with arms that look more like helicopter propellers. Has some weird tape in that he struggled against a number of good teams Penn State played last year, but had his best games against bottom feeders and, for some reason, Ohio State. Good flexibility for a guy of his size, he’s still a bit of a work in progress in terms of diagnosing plays and having a plan beyond his initial plan — James Franklin has stressed that he believes Gross-Matos’ best football is ahead of him. Quite talented, though, and productive the last two years: 94 tackles, 34.5 TFLs, 17 sacks.

Zach Baun: Can just copy and paste everything that gets written about Wisconsin edge rushers and apply it to Baun. Not the most physically imposing guy — 6’2, 238 pounds — but his motor is startling, his football IQ is off the charts, and he puts himself in position to make plays. Was everywhere for the Badger defense his senior year, accruing 75 tackles, 19.5 TFLs, and 12.5 sacks. If he can overcome his merely ok athleticism, he can do some things in the league.

Marlon Davidson: The big Auburn defensive end had some wondering if he needed to move inside as he was up to 303 pounds at the Combine, but there’s some question about whether he has the size to stick as a tackle. We’re putting him with our Edge group because he’s a gifted pass rusher (7.5 sacks a year ago for Auburn) and most seem to peg him as an end in either a 3-4 or 4-3 scheme. There’s serious buzz about him cracking into the first round, as he’s a great athlete for his size and has tremendous burst off the ball to go with great strength.

Tier 4

Joshua Uche: A dynamite athlete, Uche is still a bit of a work in progress out of the University of Michigan. Hasn’t played a ton of football, seems like he could be the type of guy who gets molded into a pass rusher. Of his 33 tackles last year, 10.5 were for loss and 7.5 registered as sacks. A quick and twitchy rusher who lacks the size you might like (6’1, 245 pounds), Uche isn’t a plug-and-play guy, but you see the flashes of a potential situational nightmare.

Julian Okwara: Exciting prospect. Okwara mixes the physical profile you want from an NFL DE (6’4, 252 pounds) with the flexibility and burst to eat up opposing offensive tackles and a switch that never is flipped off. A broken left fibula prematurely ended last season, and as such, he had 19 tackles, seven TFLs, and five sacks in nine games. As long as he doesn’t consistently get overpowered by offensive linemen at the next level, he’s a guy who can stick around for some time.

Darrell Taylor: The Tennessee standout led the Vols in sacks and tackles for loss last season (8.5 and 10.5, respectively) and is a phenomenal athlete. He’s got the prototypical build with the mixture of speed and strength teams want out of a rush linebacker, and the big question for him is putting it all together. It wouldn’t be a surprise to hear his name called relatively early on Day 2 because his highs are very high and some defensive coach is going to be convinced they can tap into his full potential and make him a star.

Curtis Weaver: Weaver presents one of the Draft’s oldest conundrums, in that the Boise State end was highly productive at the college level thanks to a great motor and technique, but lacks the high-end athleticism desired by the NFL. He’ll likely be a later-round pick due to that, but based on college production, he absolutely belongs on the board.

Terrell Lewis: Lewis is red-flagged by some teams due to his medical history and that will push him down boards as he missed most of 2017 and 2018 due to injury (upper arm and ACL). However, he’s a terrific athlete and a great frame at 6’5, 262 with some room to fill that out if needed. Adding more strength would benefit him and some team in the mid-to-late rounds will be intrigued enough by the raw talent and potential to take a risk on his injury history and relatively low experience at Alabama.