The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE — Go ahead, re-watch this movie, you’ll see

I had always considered The Thomas Crown Affair one of my favorite movies. I’ve seen it a bunch of times, well into the double digits, usually on some basic cable channel on a rainy weekend. It has everything I want in a movie: heists, Pierce Brosnan, Rene Russo in a series of designer turtlenecks that cost more than your monthly student loan payment, etc. And so, in an attempt to chill out on a recent weeknight, I pulled it up on HBO’s streaming service to watch it yet again, to enjoy a classic fun movie that would not stress me out or make me grind my teeth with rage. It was a good plan.

Something funny happened, though, very shortly after I clicked play. I started… really hating Thomas Crown. I did not see that coming. I thought I loved Thomas Crown. He was smooth and brilliant and a real rascal. He looked great in a suit. He put together elaborate art heists. Those are all things I like and aspire to. But this time, which I realize now was actually my first full watch through in a number of years, something else became clear: Thomas Crown was a real piece of shit.

I should have realized this much earlier. I know that. Some of you are probably reading this and shaking your head right now, like, “Yeah, no shit, Brian.” In my defense, I am often blinded by cool stuff like elaborate art heists and can be as dense as a bowl of mayonnaise. It’s true, though. It’s not like it was hidden in any way, not even from the start. The guy is a mergers and acquisitions ghoul who crushes his competition for fun. This is what he says immediately after squeezing a small business in a negotiation.

To be fair, again, that’s at the very beginning of the movie. Maybe he grows from that point, learning the value of people over money and learning that it’s not always about w-… nope. Nope, he does not learn a single lesson at any point in the movie. He’s like The Grinch if, instead of returning the stolen Christmas gifts to the Whos in Whoville and joining them for a Christmas feast, The Grinch taunted them about it for a week and then gave the gifts back in a way that made them look stupid. And stole the New Year’s feast on his way out the door.

The man is a menace, a first in line candidate for the guillotine in a fictional sequel where the people rise up against the fat cats. Look at some of the other stuff he did, typed out in cold black-and-white without the charm of Pierce Brosnan to dull their impact:

• Hired and framed some guys to pull a doomed robbery that he used as a cover, then identified them in a police lineup
• Stole a priceless work of art from a public museum — where everyone can enjoy it, including schoolchildren — and kept it in a hidden compartment in his office where only he could see it
• Gaslit Rene Russo about three different times
• Forced New York City’s public officials to waste a significant amount of time and resources to chase him around in a game of cat and very wealthy mouse
• Got away
• Convinced Rene Russo to give up her career and freedom to live a life on the run as a fugitive

What a jerk. What an absolute scumbag. You could make a not-unconvincing argument that the real good guy in the movie is the cop played by Denis Leary who has a healthy disdain for everything that happens in the entire movie and never does anything wrong and just gets crapped on constantly by the entire world. At one point in the movie, he tells Rene Russo’s character about his failed marriage and the story basically amounts to “one night my wife didn’t come home and the next day she was married to a urologist.” That’s a Shakesperean tragedy in one sentence. That poor man. He doesn’t need Thomas Crown’s shenanigans. Give him a break. Geez.

I’m sure a big part of this realization is the timing and the way the world has changed since the movie came out. We’re going through our second major financial crisis since then. It’s a little harder to relate to bored billionaire corporate raiders than it was in the late-90s. I apologize, kind of, if I’m coming across as a spoilsport and ruining a fun movie for you. Please believe me, this all hurt me more than it hurts you. And yet, here I am, writing all of this down and wishing for an alternate ending where Thomas Crown gets tomatoes heaved at him in the middle of Times Square. It’s unsettling. I was so much happier when I knew nothing about anything.

Maybe that’s the lesson here. Either that or “maybe just watch Logan Lucky instead, because that’s a fun heist movie where the little guys win and stick it to a bunch of jerks.” That’s actually a good lesson regardless of context, now that I think about it. I’m glad there’s a silver lining here. This has been a rough few days for me.

ITEM NUMBER TWO — Let’s check in with some quarantined celebrit-… oh my

Well, here’s Matthew McConaughey, in character as a person named “Bobby Bandito,” teaching you how to make a facemask to battle the coronavirus, which he, at one point, refers to as “the corona v.” I love it. It’s delightful. Look at him go. The man created a character and trekked into the woods behind his house and filmed a damn monologue. Things are so weird and unsettled lately that I’m not sure we all realize how weird this is. Imagine if he keeps doing this character once we’re in the clear, just making scrambled eggs in a bandana mask in like June 2028. He might, too. We’ve all seen his Lincoln commercials.

Either way, I think it’s safe to say this was the strangest thing a quarantined celebrity did this w-…

Ah, right. This is Martha Stewart drunkenly commenting gibberish on an Instagram photo of little chicks, then immediately owning up to it. It comes just one week after Ina Garten made a cocktail as big as the moon in her own quarantine video. The Hamptons are out of control. I love it. I also love that Martha explained it a second time. Read it in your head in her voice. You can practically hear her gritting her teeth with rage.

Either way, I think it’s safe to say this was the strangest thing a quarantined celebr-…

Hmm. It appears Armie Hammer has lost his mind. And a substantial amount of his hair. And some of his shirt. Whatever is happening here, whether he’s channeling Joe Exotic or early 2000s Chuck Liddell or just messing around with the clippers after a humongous Barefoot Contessa inspired cocktail, I love it. Get weird, Armie Hammer. Famous people have so few opportunities to let their look go wild just for fun. Live your life, buddy.

Still, I think it’s safe to say this was the strangest thing a qu-

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a champion. Bless you, January Jones.

ITEM NUMBER THREE — We are not making a big enough deal out of Marshawn Lynch just being on Westworld now

We’re just not. It’s shameful. A big chunk of the blame falls on my shoulders because it is literally my job to highlight interesting and fun things that happen on television and bring them to your attention. I accept that. I will do better going forward. I’m trying right now.

It is profoundly wild, though. Like, Marshawn Lynch, a very famous professional football player who once punctuated an athletic marvel of a touchdown run by leaping into the end zone backwards while grabbing his entire crotch with his free hand, is playing a character on Westworld. A real character, too, not some “Ed Sheehan in Game of Thrones” publicity stunt. He’s been in multiple episodes. He has had numerous lines of dialogue. Just this week he called another character “Little Lord Fauntleroy.” He’s an associate of Aaron Paul’s character, who is very important to this season and is becoming more important with each episode. His partner-in-crime is played by Lena Waithe, a legitimate multi-hyphenate talent. This is a real thing that’s happening and, I think, we’ve all been entirely too casual about it to this point. It’s even crazier that it’s Westworld, not some network-y procedural. This is a twisty turn-y prestige drama here. It’s got big names and big pedigree. Freaking Anthony Hopkins was in this sucker. It would be like if, oh, I don’t know, let’s say if Rasheed Wallace popped up as a police officer in Ozark. Which I now want to happen. I might even start watching Ozark if it did.

Anyway, this is me attempting to do my part. Now it’s your turn. I know we can’t go outside to tell strangers in the street right now, so you’ll have to get creative. Maybe write “Marshawn Lynch is on Westworld” on 100 helium balloons and release them out your window on a windy day. That would be a start. People need to be aware of this.

ITEM NUMBER FOUR — I am pleased to report that Bosch has sideburns now

The new season of Bosch just dropped on Amazon. I am very excited. More excited than I have any right to be. I’m only a few episodes into this season but please be assured I will be done no later than Sunday afternoon. I am on record in many forums as being in the tank for any show where a hotshot loose cannon detective gets results while playing by his own rules, and Bosch is the purest version of that show on television. It’s also the best possible version of that kind of show, with veterans of The Wire both in front of and behind the camera. It’s a good show. That’s my point.

A couple observations from the little bit of the new season that I’ve seen so far: One, Bosch has sideburns now; and two, the damn FBI is getting in the way of his murder investigation

Hell yes. You know a cop show is about to get good when the FBI shows up to bigfoot the investigation. They’re going to screw it up and Bosch will be livid. It’s already started. Look at this absolute gem of an exchange from the second episode, which I have slightly condensed to get the point across.

“Stay in your lane.”

“My lane has no lines.”

Yes.

YES.

Wait, is a lane with no lines is even a lane?

What does that mean?

Who cares.

Doesn’t matter.

I’m so happy right now. I think I might cry.

ITEM NUMBER FIVE — Jenn Bryan, please collect your free ice cream sundae

This week, in my recap of Better Call Saul, I made an offer. I said, and I’ll just go ahead and quote myself here, “Whoever picked out the ‘Land of Enchantment’ t-shirt for Mike Ehrmantraut is now entitled to one ice cream sundae on me.” I had a good reason for making this offer: it was wonderful. Mike Ehrmantraut is the crankiest, grumbliest character on television. He barely speaks. He communicates mostly through sighs and eye rolls. He is the least likely character — possibly in the history of drama, dating back to the Greeks — to be seen wearing a bright yellow t-shirt with “Land of Enchantment” written on it. Everything about the whole thing was perfect and hilarious and I thought it would be funny to offer to buy an ice cream sundae for the person responsible for making it happen. It was mostly a joke, for funsies. But then…

I suppose I’m boxed in here. I can’t very well take it back now, can I? I don’t even want to, partially because I’m a man of my word and partially because quality work deserves to be recognized, preferably with ice cream. Jenn Bryan, if you are reading this, please feel free to contact me and I will send you a gift certificate to Dairy Queen or something. A deal is a deal.

READER MAIL

If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.

I recently saw a promo for an episode of New Amsterdam which ended with a doctor breathlessly shrieking, “We’re running out of time!” By my calculations, that line has now been said in every doctor show, ever. I know you’re a fan of the bad guy saying to the good guy, “You and I, we’re not that different.” Please name 5 other lines we are almost guaranteed to hear in various genres.

A few of my favorites in no particular order…

1. The classic exchange where a government official flies to the woods to recruit a retired person back to the field by saying “Because you’re the best there ever was.”

2. A cranky judge giving a lawyer leeway in a line of questioning against his better judgment by saying “I’ll allow it… but watch yourself.”

3. Not a specific line but I’m a sucker for a character saying the title of the movie during the movie.

4. “It’s quiet out here. Almost… too quiet.” This also works with “That was easy. Almost… too easy.”

5. Literally any time a detective is taken off the case by a fed-up chief who drink Pepto Bismol straight from the bottle and complains about the mayor “having his ass for this.”

There are many more. Some aren’t even actual lines of dialogue. I’m a huge fan of people flicking a lit cigarette into a trail of gasoline that leads to something that explodes. Just tremendous. I kind of want to start smoking again just to do this once.

AND NOW, THE NEWS

To Spain!

Look, I’m not saying I miss basketball so much that it’s driving me a little cuckoo, but I will say that — very shortly after clicking play on this otherwise lovely video of quarantined nuns playing a game of full-court hoops in their formal nun attire — I started mumbling at my computer screen like I was watching an actual NBA game. At about the 0:25 mark, one of the nuns grabs the ball in the corner near a large plant and throws it to another nun who is closer to the basket and I got mad that she passed up the wide-open corner three. Like, for real mad. I didn’t throw anything but it did bother me in a very authentic way that I have chosen not to think about anymore in case it reveals something troubling buried deep inside me. Let’s move on!

The beauty of this is that, in addition to being a video of nuns playing basketball, if also gives me a very good excuse to post the GIF of Diane Keaton in The Young Pope shooting a basketball with just the worst form you’ve ever seen.

Thank you, Spanish nuns. You have done the world a great service this week. Now, please, get someone out there to coach you up a little bit. The playoffs are coming.

Hip-hop is moving as fast as ever. Luckily, we’re doing the work to put the best music in one place for you. This week, there were videos from Earthgang, 50 Cent and Post Malone. There were also new tracks from Playboi Carti, Kid Cudi, Peter Cottontale and Chance The Rapper. Here’s the best of the rest:

Jean Deaux — “Moody” Feat. Saba

From the don’t judge a song by its title files: Jean Deaux and Saba’s “Moody” is an uptempo trap collaboration where the two have fun over a simple-yet-catchy synth melody.

Deante Hitchcock — “I Got Money Now” Feat. J.I.D

Use Atlanta artist Deante Hitchcock’s “I Got Money Now” as your stimulus check anthem. The Atlanta artist collaborated with J.I.D on a nothing to something anthem where he proclaims, “I was havin’ withdrawals now I’m at the bank makin’ deposits.”

Moneybagg Yo — “1 2 3 ” Feat. Blac Youngsta

Moneybagg Yo and Blac Youngsta remind us of brighter days on “1 2 3,” a flashy single from Moneybagg’s Time Served album.

TOBi — “180” Feat. Kemba

Bronx MC Kemba lent an introspective verse to the remix of TOBi’s “180.” He imparts the already reflective track with more weight, rhyming “I was pure as Eve ‘til I showed up in this industry / as the only covered in leaves when I realized these n****s not like me.”

Lil Keed — “No Dealings”

Lil Keed tells the haters “be quiet you a itty bitty” on “No Dealings,” a bare exhibition of his elastic delivery over a melancholy guitar. The track is another single from the forthcoming Trapped On Cleveland 3.

Currensy & Fendi P — “Smokin Potnas”

Currensy and Fendi P get animated on the Pink Panther-flavored visual for the title track of their recent collaborative album, where the ever-prolific Currensy lets us know he’s been “spendin’ that dough since the chirp phones.”

Boosie — “Right Dea” Feat. Dee Rogers

Boosie took time off from wild live streams and upsetting half the world with his bigotry to release “Right Dea,” an ode to ass seemingly tailor-made to be the soundtrack for more debauchery on his NSFW quarantine streams.

Quando Rondo Songs

Like most artists, Quando Rondo is apparently holed up in the house laying down records. He dropped off two earlier this week. Quando’s heartfelt “Nita’s Grandson” is a bluesy stream of consciousness where he pays homage to his Grandmother and culls through his life stresses. “Who Died” is a gritty portrait of the unforgiving Savanah streets.

Skyzoo — “We (Used) To Live In Brooklyn, Baby”

Skyzoo offered up another taste of his upcoming The Bluest Notes project with “We (Used) To Live In Brooklyn, Baby,” where the consummate Brooklynite laments, “sometimes I sit back, reflect on the place that I lived at / and how it was I can’t get back” over dour jazz instrumentation.

Too Short — “Pull Up” Feat. Trae Tha Truth

A pair of OGs unite on “Pull Up,” a piano-driven celebration of nights where they “get f*cked up and don’t know how to act.” Hopefully, we’ll all get to live out the fun vibes expressed on this record sooner than later.

Ambjaay — “Blow The Pickle” Feat. Wiz Khalifa

LA rapper Ambjaay is out to prove his “Uno” single, which blew up on TikTok, was no fluke. He’ll definitely get the attention of many with “Blow The Pickle,” a raunchy track that’s not at all about women putting cucumbers in their mouth. The colorful video for the track showcases him and Wiz in a stadium with a hoard of buxom women.

Tokyo Jetz — “Respect”

Tokyo Jetz isn’t for the games on “Respect,” the first single from her upcoming Stimulus Package EP. She lets her man know, “I ain’t goin’ back and forth, this ain’t The Young And The Restless” and also informs suitors “I need all apologies in blue hundreds and some head.”

Fenix Flexin — “RIP Mac P Dawg”

Shoreline Mafia’s Fenix Flexin paid his respects to fallen friend Mac Dawg, who was tragically killed in a shooting earlier this month. The sentimental track, with lines like, “RIP, know I miss you with a passion,” will resonate with others who are losing their loved ones in this treacherous moment.

Michael Christmas Tracks

Boston’s Michael Christmas dropped off a two-pack of singles early this week. “Lil Bit O’ Weed” is a fun, melodic single about a good time, while he gets analytical about the rap industry over a wailing vocal sample on “Young and Foolish,” where he notes, “If I never get to rich I won’t be bitter cause I got the best fam-a-lam.”

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Bad Trip, a hidden-camera prank movie from the co-creator of Jackass starring Eric Andre, Lil Rel Howery, and Tiffany Haddish, was scheduled to come out in theaters today, April 17. But it was pulled from the schedule, like every other movie until July, due to the ongoing coronavirus pandemic with no new release date announced. The bad news: Bad Trip isn’t getting a theatrical release. The good news: you can watch it now.

As spotted by a Redditor, Bad Trip is available for rent on Amazon, where it costs $5.99. “From a producer of Jackass and Bad Grandpa, this hidden-camera comedy follows two best friends (Eric André, Lil Rel Howery) as they go on a cross-country road trip and learn valuable lessons about life, love and friendship along the way,” the official description reads. It’s one of the first films to appear on Amazon through the company’s deal with South by Southwest, where Bad Trip was supposed to premiere.

As the New York Post previously reported:

South by Southwest Film Festival, which was scheduled to kick off March 13, will stream many of its movies on Amazon Prime instead of at the IRL event in Austin, Texas. Films that were slated to premiere at the fest included Judd Apatow and Pete Davidson’s The King of Staten Island, as well as hidden-camera comedy Bad Trip with Eric André, Lil Rel Howery, and Tiffany Haddish. They haven’t yet been confirmed for the virtual film festival, though.

They have now. You can watch Bad Trip here, and watch the trailer below.

(Via the New York Post)

Phoebe Waller-Bridge did the pandemic form of a “visit” with Stephen Colbert to promote the charitable streaming of a Fleabag stage performance, and Colbert revealed himself to be the kind of viewer who likes a good fan theory. More specifically, the host revealed that he’s been thinking too much about the Amazon TV show’s second-season fox. You know, the fox who stalked the Hot Priest, and the fox whose meaning was never really explained on the show, but of course, fans have speculated upon its symbolism. Maybe it represented the priest’s anxiety or conflicted state, and some have suggested that the fox chases the priest and brings him back to Fleabag. No one really knows, though!

Well, Colbert offered his best guess at what the animal signifies — “I think the fox is the Hound of Heaven” (a reference to the Francis Thompson poem) — which led Waller-Bridge’s jaw to drop. She expressed wishing that was her answer, and then Colbert started reciting the poem from memory:

I FLED Him, down the nights and down the days;
I fled Him, down the arches of the years;
I fled Him, down the labyrinthine ways
Of my own mind; and in the mist of tears
I hid from Him, and under running laughter.

Aaaand then he skipped to the ending:

“Ah, fondest, blindest, weakest,
I am He Whom thou seekest!
Thou dravest love from thee, who dravest Me.”

If one embraces what Colbert is suggesting, the poem’s final passage urges people not to run from God. Whether that applies to the Hot Priest or Fleabag, who knows? Fleabag was a professed athiest, and the Hot Priest chose God, so it makes more sense for this poem’s meaning to apply to him. Waller-Bridge seems thrilled to add this context to her work, but it’s not exactly Fleabag canon, just some nerdy fun.

Watch Colbert’s theorizing (and Waller-Bridge’s reaction) after the 5:00 minute mark below.

Clubber Lang got a raw deal.

Like you, most likely, I’ve had some, uh, extra time on my hands sitting here at home in my New York City apartment. And I’ve been watching a lot of movies. Some of these are movies I’ve never seen before. (For example, I watched the Humphrey Bogart/Lauren Bacall movie Key Largo for the first time. For some reason I thought it would be a leisurely romance set on an island – this is probably because of the Bertie Higgins song of the same name that I hear once an hour on the Yacht Rock station – as opposed to a movie about mobsters. Anyway, way more people get shot in Key Largo then I ever imagined.) But, other times, I watch movies that make me happy. And over this past weekend, I watched Rocky III and Rocky IV back to back.

Before we get to Rocky III, I did want to address Rocky IV for a quick second, which is probably the Rocky film that’s most absurd, and it’s also the most written about because it’s so absurd. Though it is also insanely appealing for a couple of reasons. It’s surprisingly short, clocking in at just 90 minutes. And since Stallone didn’t use Bill Conti’s score, he instead loaded it up with so many songs that would go on to be radio hits, the whole film basically acts as a 90-minute MTV video. The movie is known for basically being one montage after another, which is true, but each montage is set to a great song. There’s one in particular where Rocky is just driving around as we see flashbacks from the previous three Rocky films and the first 20 minutes of Rocky IV set to Robert Tepper belting “No Easy Way Out.” Anyway, yes, Rocky IV: highly recommended!

When Creed 2 came out in 2018, it was remarkable that it was less a direct sequel to Creed and more of a direct sequel to Rocky IV – getting into all the minutia of what happened to Ivan Drago after he was humiliated by losing to Rocky Balboa. At the time, I spoke to Creed 2 director Steven Caple Jr. and inquired if there’s a chance a similar treatment could happen to the antagonist from Rocky III, Clubber Lang, played by Mr. T. He responded, “I’m not going to lie. There was a moment where I got pretty stingy and was thinking about Clubber Lang. I was like, dang, wouldn’t it be cool if we brought in Clubber Lang?”

After rewatching Rocky III, I think this is a fantastic idea because, for some reason, Clubber Lang remains Rocky’s most underrated foe. And there’s a lot of interesting material to mine out of Rocky III because, as I watched, I found myself rooting for Clubber Lang.

Now, for a lot of reasons, 2020 is a lot different than 1982. (This may sound nuts, but back in 1982 humans were allowed to have contact with other humans.) But a big reason is I think we as an audience are more in tune with seeing stories from different angles. At least, with Rocky, in 1982, we rooted for Rocky. Now, this doesn’t seem like such a straightforward point of view. Because in Rocky III, Rocky comes off like a spoiled asshole. Now, this is by design. But the movie expects us to start rooting for Rocky as he’s mourning the loss of his trainer, Mickey, and he starts training with his formal rival, Apollo Creed. This time around, this did not happen for me. I remained fully on Team Clubber Lang. In Rocky III, it’s Clubber who comes from nothing and nowhere and becomes the champion based on pure desire. The theme song to Rocky III is “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor. This is a song about Clubber Lang, not Rocky Balboa.

There’s one particular line of dialogue that Clubber says that made me like him even more. When he’s being followed by a camera crew, he says, “I live alone. I train alone.” This movie is so weird because it wants us to hate Clubber so much. Oh, he’s mean! He yells at the press! He’s even a jerk to Apollo! (Okay, I’ll concede that maybe Clubber should see a professional about his anger issues. He does seem to have a temper.) And I think that line about him living alone and training alone is supposed to make us think, oh, what a strange guy. But I find it endearing. Rocky Balboa has access to the best trainers on the planet, and now here’s a guy who does it all by himself and becomes the champion of the world. Again, Rocky III bends over backward to try and make us dislike Clubber by basically telling us over and over that he’s a mean guy. But the facts are the facts: Clubber Lang was a self-made fighter and what he did was more impressive than anything Rocky ever did, yet the movie treats him like garbage. Enough! Clubber Lang is the real hero of Rocky III.

“Oh, but he killed Mickey,” you’re probably saying. Again, this movie secretly knows that Clubber is the hero of the story so it has to add in tricks like this to get us, the viewer, to dislike Clubber by insinuating that Clubber killed off a beloved character in Mickey. And I’ve always had it in my head that Clubber basically killed Mickey, but rewatching this again, I believe this is false. First of all, Mickey first has an issue when Rocky is fighting Thunder Lips. Mickey clutches his chest. He’s asked what’s wrong, he says, “Oh, it’s my heart,” then no medical attention is sought whatsoever. On what planet is a heart condition just treated like it’s a bought of indigestion? Mickey should have been taken to a hospital immediately.

Then, before Balboa v. Lang I, Rocky and Clubber get into a pissing match before the fight. Now, it’s Mickey who sort of charges at Clubber yelling, “Get him outta there!” Clubber then deflects Mickey away, who then has a heart attack. Now, here’s the really crazy part: Mickey still doesn’t go to the hospital. He claims he just needs to lie down. They do call for a doctor, but it’s a comically long time before a doctor arrives, which seems almost impossible at a heavyweight fight where doctors would be in abundance. And, somehow, Mickey is still alive after the fight ends. That is a remarkable amount of time that Mickey is just lying there in the locker room, not being taken to a hospital. To blame any of this on Clubber is absolutely insane. There’s no reason Mickey should have died that night and the blame is on Rocky for not calling an ambulance.

During the movie, Clubber often complained that the press wasn’t treating him fairly and that they were all in the bag for Rocky. Clubber is correct. And the movie is indicative of this claim, too. Clubber is clearly the hero of the movie. A boxer who comes out of nowhere. He has no trainer. He lives alone! And then beats the pampered champion who, we find out, had been fighting less-than-worthy challengers and refused to give Clubber his shot. The only reason Clubber got a shot at the title – and won! – is because he became “mean” and finally called Rocky out on all this in person. Clubber realized that the only way he could get what he was due was to become a jerk. If I were Clubber Lang, I’d also be a jerk. Being the obvious hero of a movie, but treated as the villain would make anyone a little ornery.

So, yeah, it’s time for Clubber Lang to get the respect he’s due, and the only way for that to happen is for the character to be resurrected by a Creed movie.

You can contact Mike Ryan directly on Twitter.

Despite physically distancing in Denver for the past four months and leaving the house just four times, Denver Broncos star Von Miller announced this morning that he tested positive for COVID-19.

In an interview on the “Today” show, Miller, who is asthmatic, said his illness began with a simple cough. After a few days, his partner told him that he sounded different when he spoke, so he used his inhaler, figuring it would go away. When that didn’t work, Miller said his assistant encouraged him earlier this week to get tested for COVID-19, at which point he did, and after two days, found out about his positive diagnosis.

NFL star @VonMiller of the Denver @Broncos opens up about his diagnosis with coronavirus. He became the second known case among NFL players.

“It all started with a simple cough,” he says. pic.twitter.com/QW7pkR7mFj

— 3rd Hour of TODAY (@3rdHourTODAY) April 17, 2020

Because he is in a risk group for the infectious disease considering his asthma, Miller said in the four times he left the house, he never even got out of the car. Whether in those trips to pick up food or through his contact with workers who have come and gone from his home, Miller ended up becoming infected, showing just how transmittable the disease can be.

Fortunately for Miller, he said on “Today” that he is beginning to feel better and none of the symptoms have been too bad. Miller became the second NFL player to come out publicly regarding a positive diagnosis, after Rams offensive lineman Brian Allen.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel answered a question about determining how and when to lift the mitigation measures most countries have put into place during the coronavirus pandemic, and her answer shows us what it looks like to have a scientifically competent person leading a country.

Merkel is an honors graduate with a PhD in quantum chemistry, which undoubtedly makes her one of the most qualified heads of government in this pandemic. Germany, despite being hit hard by the virus, has managed to start flattening their curve and has a far lower death rate than most other countries. (This New York Times article explains some reasons for why that might be.)

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Merkel explained why lifting lockdowns is a “fragile” situation that requires caution over overconfidence and described how exponential growth works. In clear terms, she showed how even a small increase in the reproduction number—how many infections an infected person causes—makes a huge difference in how taxed the health system will get.

Angela Merkel uses science background in coronavirus explainer

www.youtube.com

Even with a translation from German, Merkel Comments on Merkel’s video shared on Reddit show how much people appreciate a smart, educated, well-spoken person in charge—and how stark the contrast is with certain other leaders.

“Well, that’s a Politician that understands basic numbers. Most others will try to deliver a speech they don’t understand and butcher it.”

“I’m flabbergasted seeing a politician explain the effects of exponential growth with cause and effect. This is so refreshing…”

“I don’t understand. Why isn’t she saying how great she is and how high the ratings will be for this clip?”

“Weird right? Also I am massively confused, but it feels like she uses long coherent sentences and I’m not used to that.”

“When you are suddenly proud to be German and don’t know how to deal with it. No, really. By comparison to many other countries, this must be my favorite response. I’m really not a fan of her politics at all, but I’m good with her response to this crisis.”

On the one hand, seeing a leader who not only understands the science but can explain it simply is indeed refreshing. On the other hand, it shines an ugly spotlight on leadership that clearly does not understand the science and can’t explain even the most basic concepts in full, coherent sentences.

And what’s really sad is that no one even has to name a name for people to know who fits that bill.

Well done, Chancellor Merkel. Let us know if other countries can arrange to temporarily adopt you as our leader, please.

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Contrary to his Twitter bio, John Legend is more than just Chrissy Teigen’s husband. He’s also an eleven-time Grammy winner who aims to promote joy through his music. The singer released “Bigger Love” Friday as an anthem for being carefree. The empowering track arrives as the lead single off Legend’s upcoming album, which is slated for a summer release.

Peppered with reggae influences, “Bigger Love” boasts expansive and rhythmic percussion. With his signature soaring vocals, Legend sings of ignoring the negative aspects of the world and focusing on the good. “We ain’t going no place but up / Nothing can stop this, no one can top us / We got a bigger love,” Legend croons.

In a statement, Legend said the track celebrates all things love: “This song is a celebration of love, resilience and hope. I wrote it last year, before any of us could have imagined what 2020 would become. The message of the song is that love can help carry us through these dark times and music can bring us joy and inspiration. I hope it brings some light to people’s day and maybe inspires a dance break!”

Legend will debut “Bigger Love” live on Global Citizen’s televised One World: Together At Home. Curated by Lady Gaga and hosted by late-night talk show favorites, the TV special benefits healthcare workers that are on the front line.

Listen to “Bigger Love” above.

Finding the “best” bottle of bourbon — or any whiskey for that matter — is a tough task. There’s just so much of it out there. Hell, this year alone I’ve ranked bottles as best under $30 (I also did that with rye, scotch, and Irish whiskeys), best over $30, and best way way over $30. It can all be confusing and frustrating for the uninitiated.

Now the good news, there are reviewers and judges all over the world (and right here on this site!) trying their damndest to help you figure out which whiskeys really are “the best.” Of course, that word itself isn’t easy to define. Judges of big competitions, like the recent San Francisco World Spirits Competition, have specific characteristics they look for but sometimes it still comes down to a special magic something.

To help you understand why some whiskeys get chosen as standouts, we’re breaking down* the 12 top American whiskey picks from the 2020 SF World Spirits Competition. These are the cream of the crop — Double Gold and “Best In Show” winners — as chosen by people who spend their lives sipping the best of the best. These whiskeys are also fairly widely available for delivery. Though, to be fair, there are a couple of bottles that are in a very expensive and very rare category.

*Two bottles that we didn’t have the chance to taste because of the quarantine have been noted.

Best American Blended Whiskey — FEW American Whiskey

ABV: 46.5%
Distillery: FEW Spirits, Evanston, IL
Average Price: $47.49

The Whiskey:

FEW offers a solid grain-to-glass craft whiskey experience. This expression is a blend of their signature bourbon and rye whiskeys cut with whiskey made with cherrywood-smoked barley malt whiskey. There’s no age statement on the bottle but each whiskey is nuanced and well mellowed, creating a fascinatingly unique American whiskey.

Our Tasting Notes:

This is kind of the best of all worlds if you dig on rye and bourbon. There’s a clear sense of apples, cloves and cinnamon, clear vanilla, and wet brown sugar next to a hint of that cherry smoke. Fresh ginger sharpness marries with oak, black pepper, and caramel apples. The spice heats up on the short finish with a slight sense of dark chocolate that leans dry and spicy.

Best Flavored Whiskey — Catskill Provisions New York Honey Rye Whiskey

ABV: 40%
Distillery: Finger Lakes Distilling, Burdett, NY
Average Price: $43.50

The Whiskey:

This flavored whiskey is made from a rye whiskey made by Finger Lakes Distilling. The mash bill of 80 percent rye and 20 percent barley make this one pretty bold on the rye side. The whiskey then makes its way to Catskills Provisions where it’s infused with local, fresh honey from upstate New York.

Tasting Notes (from the blender):

“Indulge in our smooth, rich flavor with hints of toffee, burnt orange peel, and golden raisin.”

Best Bourbon (Best Small Batch Bourbon Aged 6 To 10 Years) — Barrell Bourbon Batch 021 10-Year-Old Cask Strength

ABV: 53.1%
Distillery: Barrell Craft Spirits, Louisville, KY
Average Price: $84.52

The Whiskey:

Not only was this expression deemed the “best small batch bourbon” but the absolute “best bourbon” overall this year. This dram is comprised of 18 barrels chosen for three main attributes: Corn-focused and buttery, the woodiest notes present, and the easiest drinking lower-proof bourbon. The barrels ranged from ten to 14 years old and hailed from distilleries in Indiana, Tennessee, and Kentucky with the final product blended and bottled in Kentucky.

Tasting Notes:

Blackberries touched with a hint of tanginess lead to black tea, light rushes of tobacco, ground cardamon, toasted oak, and a note of fresh peppermint. Fatty and sweet marzipan sits next to dark chocolate nougat while mingling with a minerality, peaches, fresh honey, orange, orchard flowers, and more of that blackberry tang. Finally, the sip reels off with mild spice, bitter cacao, dried roses, anise, and mellow, almost tart warmth.

Best Straight Bourbon — Woodinville Straight Bourbon

ABV: 45%
Distillery: Woodinville Whiskey Co., Woodinville, WA
Average Price: $42.99

The Whiskey:

This Washington state bourbon is another great grain-to-glass craft whiskey experience. The classic mash bill of corn, rye, and barley is all grown in Washington specifically for the distillery. The new oak is aged on-site for 18 months outdoors, rain or shine. The oak is then slowly toasted and then deeply charred before the hot juice goes in for a five-year rest.

Tasting Notes:

Toasted oak and a slight bitterness from the char mingle with a ripe black cherry fruit sense. Dried herbs and fresh mint cut through the heavy hand of oak with doses of vanilla and caramel pushed to the background. The fruit, spice, and herbs come together on an oaky final note, with a wisp of smoke billowing underneath the sip.

Best Small Batch Bourbon Aged Up to 5 Years — Kings County Distillery Bottled-in-Bond Bourbon

ABV: 50%
Distillery: Kings County Distillery, Brooklyn, NY
Average Price: $60.99 (Half Bottle)

The Whiskey:

New York’s Kings County has been a mainstay on the awards circuit since they started. The craft distiller uses New York grown organic corn and English malted barley in its mash bill. The bourbon is then aged in small format oak and bottled at higher proof under federal regulations, hence the “bottled-in-bond” moniker.

Tasting Notes:

Malts create a biscuit-covered-in-butter-and-honey base with a sense of Christmas spices alongside bright and fresh cherries. Those spices carry on as the cherries turn into dried fruit and bitter chocolate comes into play. A rich salted caramel sweetness peaks as dark fruits and spice combine for a big finish.

Best Small Batch Bourbon Aged 11 Years and Older — Eagle Rare 17-Year-Old Kentucky Straight Bourbon

ABV: 50.5%
Distillery: Buffalo Trace Distillery, Frankfort, KY
Average Price: $501.50

The Whiskey:

This is one of the five classics that are part of Buffalo Trace’s yearly “Antique Collection” release. This expression is classic Eagle Rare 10 which is simply aged an additional seven years. The 17-year-old barrels are hand-selected for an exemplary small-batch quality.

Tasting Notes:

Dried tobacco mixes with cedar, old cinnamon sticks, and dried fruit soaked in sugar. The tobacco carries through the palate as a rich sense of vanilla peeks in beside hints of worn leather, spice, and oak char. Rich toffee rises next to cacao bitterness as the spicy final note lingers next to a whisper of tobacco smoke.

Best Single Barrel Bourbon Aged Up To 10 Years — Baker’s Single Barrel Bourbon

ABV: 53.5%
Distillery: Jim Beam, Clermont, KY
Average Price: $249.99

The Whiskey:

Hailing from the Jim Beam rickhouses, Baker’s Single Barrel is a unique and refined bottle of bourbon well-worth seeking out. The juice is aged on the higher floors of the rickhouse and the barrels are hand-selected for exactness in quality.

Tasting Notes:

This is a single barrel, so iterations will vary. Based on my dram, expect an opening of dark blackberries next to bourbon vanilla and caramel. That vanilla carries through as oak helps usher in sharp spice and a hint of licorice and roasted nuts. Expect the vanilla to carry on to a spicy, warm, and velvety end.

Best Special Barrel-Finished Bourbon — Bardstown Bourbon Company Collaborative Series “Phifer Pavitt Reserve” Bourbon

ABV: 53.5%
Distillery: Bardstown Bourbon Company, Bardstown, KY (sourced)
Average Price: $139.99

The Whiskey:

Bardstown Bourbon’s Collaborative Series partners well-made whiskey with unique finishing programs. This expression is a nine-year-old Tennessee straight bourbon that’s transferred to French oak from Napa Valley’s Phifer Pavitt Winery. The whiskey spends an additional 19 months in that oak.

Tasting Notes:

Marzipan, black pepper, and cherries greet you. The black pepper mellows to more of a white pepper and cinnamon spice mix as the marzipan carries through with a clear sense of plummy oak wine barrels. Bourbon vanilla pops in alongside the spice with a long, svelte finish.

Best Tennessee Whiskey — Davidson Reserve Tennessee Straight Sour Mash Whiskey

ABV: 50%
Distillery: Pennington Distilling Co., Nashville, TN
Average Price: $53.99

The Whiskey:

Tennessee whiskey is finally making a comeback and Davidson Reserve is a fine example of that resurgence. The Tennessee whiskey is made from locally grown corn and rye with a touch of barley that’s twice distilled and then filtered through new sugar maple charcoal a la the Lincoln County Process that makes Tennessee whiskey so unique. The juice is then aged for a minimum of four years before going into the bottle.

Tasting Notes:

Crème brûlée infused with real maple syrup creates a base for dried red berries. Malted crackers covered in buttery caramel mingle with the burnt sugars from grilled fruits and a slight marshmallow sweetness and texture. All of that sugar is cut by a rush of fresh mint sprigs that helps usher in a short and, yes, quite sweet finish.

Best Rye Whiskey — Parker’s Heritage Collection 13th Edition Rye Whiskey

ABV: 52.5%
Distillery: Heaven Hill, Bardstown, KY
Average Price: $399.99

The Whiskey:

This rye is all about the nuances. This edition is comprised of a small batch of 75 barrels that are hit with fire twice as long as usual, creating a deep black char and rippling for the juice to rest in. The whiskey is then aged exactly eight years and nine months on a high floor of the Heaven Hill rickhouse.

Tasting Notes:

That char imparts a sense of smoke next to dark chocolate bitterness, pine resin, banana, and vanilla. Dark spices and sharp black pepper arrive with a note of fresh honey as a counterpoint. That woody pine, char, chalky bitterness, and spice combine on a long and warm end.

Best Craft Distiller Whiskey — ASW Distillery Maris Otter Single Varietal Single Malt Whiskey

ABV: 54.2%
Distillery: ASW Distillery at American Spirit Works, Atlanta, GA
Average Price: $53.99

The Whiskey:

This is going to be a tough bottle to get a hold of as only so many were made. This expression comes from the brainchild of homebrewers and has deep roots in beer malts. The whiskey is Scottish whisky distilling meets American bourbon aging. The mash bill is 100 percent English Maris Otter Malt and distilled in Scottish pot stills. Then the juice goes into medium and medium-heavy charred new American oak, adding that bourbon element.

Tasting Notes (from the distiller):

“Black cherry, Cardamom, Fudge, Lemon.”

Best Other Single Malt Whiskey — The Notch Nantucket Island Single Malt Whisky Aged 15 Years

ABV: 48%
Distillery: Cisco Brewers Triple Eight Distillery, Nantucket, MA
Average Price: $350

The Whiskey:

This one is going to be really hard to come by. The dram also hails from brewers turned distillers and also utilizes a 100 percent mash bill of Maris Otter Malts. It’s treated like scotch via pot still distilling and then aging in ex-bourbon barrels (mostly from Buffalo Trace) for 15 long years.

Tasting Notes:

Dried apples and pears lurk alongside bourbon notes of caramel and vanilla. Sweet cherries flutter past as rich pipe tobacco, libraries full of worn leather, oak, and mild spices mingle on the palate. Finally, the dram comes to a close with a flourish fresh green peppercorns, toasted oak, and a final hint of tart fruit.