Have you ever been boarding an airplane and said to yourself, “There’s got to be a more efficient way to do this”?
People love to debate the quickest way to get people and their luggage aboard an aircraft. Every airline has its own method, which largely revolves around boarding people with some kind of status—first-class/premium seats or loyalty program status—first, followed by the nonstatus coach folk in various groupings. (I personally like to spend as little time as possible on the actual airplane, so I’ve never understood the “perk” of early boarding. I guess you get your pick of overhead bin space, but that alone isn’t worth it to me.) Airlines are always tweaking their methods, both to be more efficient and to keep their customers happy.
But none of them do it in the truly most efficient way. And why not? Well, because people are involved.
If humans were robots we could program to do what we want them to do without getting their knickers in a twist over not getting to be first, we could theoretically board airplanes in a way that would minimize bottlenecks and get everyone seated quickly. But alas, we are not.
And what is the most efficient way? I would have assumed it would be back-to-front, but it’s not. As a video from CGP Grey explains, boarding methods that intuitively seem like they might work best actually don’t. There are several reasons for this, from the unpredictability of who is going to struggle to get their carry-on bag into the overhead bin to the fact that, as the video points out, “The human inability to follow instructions is breathtaking.”
The video is really fascinating in addition to being entertaining. (There’s poetry involved.) Check it out:
So it turns out the best way to board is every other row, back to front, window seats first, followed by the same pattern with middle and then aisle seats. Seems perfectly logical.
And the only barrier to this method is getting people to line up in a specific order? That doesn’t seem like it should be that hard of a task. Southwest Airlines already does that with its boarding groups (everyone gets a number and lines up accordingly), though they don’t have assigned seats. Has no airline ever even given it a try? Seems like it might be worth a shot at least.
And if nothing else, at least now we know that we’re doing it all wrong. If we’re going to be inefficient, we should at least be aware that we’re doing it on purpose.
In the cold winter months of late 2013-early 2014, gunshots and smoke filled the streets of Ukraine’s capital city of Kyiv. Protestors were met with violence. Many were fatally wounded. This event became known as Ukraine’s Revolution of Dignity, and from it arose a distinctive poetic style: one that perfectly captures the tragic, complex experience of war.
Borys Humenyuk fought in the Revolution of Dignity, and found therapy writing poems on his tablet, posting them to the internet whenever he had the opportunity. He mentioned in an interview with a local Ukrainian newspaper, “sometimes, instead of yelling or crying, I want simply to shoot the skies. Some people do so – fire from their automatic guns in the sky – I write verse.” Now he is a beloved artist of his country, fondly nicknamed “The Ukrainian version of Ernest Hemingway.”
Now, the people of Ukraine mourn in the wake of violence yet again. Just before dawn on February 24, Russian President Vladimir Putin ordered a series of missile attacks on the city of Kharkiv, and the invasion has spread across central and eastern Ukrainian territory. One of Humenyuk’s most captivating poems titled “When You Clean your Weapon” reflects on his experience in a completely different war. And yet, even years later, the words still carry weight. And they help connect us to those who are suffering, even (for some us) miles and miles away. It doesn’t take away the suffering, but art and empathy are always a healing salve in one way or another.
“When You Clean your Weapon” tells the story of war from the perspective of a young soldier, who treats his gun like a child, swaddling it and shielding it from the rain. This happens before the young man has even held a real child. He climbs into the earth, which takes him in like a womb. For a moment, he remembers his connection to nature. But then he shoots. And never again can he get rid of the smell of gunpowder. For he and the war are now one.
The poem captures how humanity is lost on the battlefield, even to those who survive. We become one with the weapon, instead of each other. Violence repeatedly gets chosen as the solution, and yet perpetuates the same problematic cycle … trench after trench. The truth is, the weapon is never clean, once it’s fired.
“When You Clean Your Weapon” by Borys Humenyuk
When you clean your weapon
When time and again, you clean your weapon
When you rub strong-smelling oils into your weapon
And shield it from the rain with your own body
When you swaddle it like a baby
Even though you’ve never swaddled a baby before —
You’re only nineteen, no baby, no wife —
The weapon becomes your only kin
You and the weapon are one.
When you dig trench after trench
When you dig this precious this hateful earth by handfuls
Every other handful reaches your soul
You grind this earth between your teeth
You don’t, you never will have another
You climb into the earth like into your mother’s womb
You are warm and snug
You’ve never felt this close to anyone before
You and earth are one.
When you shoot
Even when it’s at night and you don’t see the enemy’s face
Even when night hides the enemy from you and you from the enemy
And embraces each of you as her own
You smell like gunpowder
Your hands, face, hair, clothing, shoes —
No matter how much you wash them — smell of gunpowder
They smell of war
You smell of war
You and war are one.
This poem comes from an anthology series of several poems titled “Words for War: New Poems from Ukraine,” translated by Oksana Maksymchuk and Max Rosochinksy.
There’s an old trope in movies and TV where a criminal will return to the scene of a crime shortly after it was committed. It’s a great way to create a sense of drama and to give an easy way for the heroes to catch the perpetrator, but does it happen in real life?
It doesn’t make much sense for a criminal to put themselves in a position to get caught, but neither does committing a crime in the first place.
If a criminal does return to the scene, it’s often so they can relive some of the sensations they felt while committing the crime.
Such was the case with alleged dog-napper Kyle Gariepy, 29.
On Friday, May 7, 2021, the Cambridge Police Department in Massachusetts reported that a 13-month-old German shorthaired pointer named “Titus” was stolen out of a parked vehicle. The department released footage of the alleged dog-napper walking the dog over the Boston University bridge.
Yesterday at approximately 12:32p, an unknown suspect broke into and entered a vehicle that was parked atu00a0620 Memorial Driveu00a0& stole a 13-month-old white German Short Haired Pointer out of the vehicle. The suspect was then observed walking the dog over the BU Bridge into Boston.pic.twitter.com/titQ0WvPMM
The dog was wearing an orange collar with the name “Titu.”
If anyone has any information about this incident, they are strongly encouraged to call the Cambridge Police at 617-349-3300. #CambMApic.twitter.com/iUQAO62u9L
— Cambridge Police👮🏽 (@CambridgePolice) May 8, 2021
The next day, members of the local 7NEWS crew, including Juliana Mazza and photojournalist John Guice, posted up in the parking lot where the dog was stolen to report on the theft. While the news crew was setting up, they noticed a man who looked like the person in the surveillance cam footage walking a dog that looked like Titus.
Guice walked over to the man, whose name is Kyle Gariepy, and struck up a conversation with him while the news team rolled the camera. Mazza then walked over and asked if she could pet the dog so she could surreptitiously see if he had a name tag.
When she found out the dog was Titus, she asked the man why he didn’t call the number on the tag and he said his phone was “broken.” This begged a follow-up question. It’s been a day, why haven’t you contacted the owner or the authorities?
#ICYMI: I HAD to repost this story told by the lovely @MeganAlexander of @InsideEdition ! It aired last night after #7News at 6pm!pic.twitter.com/KvW176Q6xQ
Gariepy gave a very strange excuse for why he had the dog.
“He was just barking in the car, and I walked past the car, and I thought it was supposed to be a dog I was dog walking,” Gariepy told the crew. “It wasn’t a kidnapping. It was just a simple mistake.”
Why in the world would someone ask him to walk a dog that was in a parked car?
Gariepy’s story didn’t add up, so the news crew called the police and Gariepy stood there and waited until they arrived. Gariepy was arrested and charged with larceny of more than $1,200, and breaking and entering into a vehicle to commit a felony.
Just need to say how grateful I am to my photojournalist that day, John Guice! He actually spoke with the man first about how beautiful Titus was. As I walked over I quickly realized we found the dog and had the suspect. Wouldnu2019t have been possible without him!https://twitter.com/InsideEdition/status/1391913529243049984u00a0u2026
Later, the police called Titus’ owner Greg Siesczkiewicz and asked him to come and pick up his dog.
“I’m thrilled to have Titus back. I think, he is thrilled to have me back,” he told Inside Edition.
“I’m just glad that the person came back and I’m just glad that you guys were there,” Siesczkiewicz told 7NEWS. “If anyone ever sees this who questions the value of media, social media, broadcast media, this proves it.”
In 1994, Pulp Fiction made Quentin Tarantino one of the most famous filmmakers in Hollywood. What did he do with his newfound clout? Direct an episode of ER, of course. Ten years later, in the time between Kill Bill: Volume 2 and Death Proof, he stepped behind the camera for another TV show: CSI, a one-off gig that earned him his only Emmy nomination (his role as an Elvis impersonator on The Golden Girls was sadly overlooked). Those are, to date, the only times Tarantino has directed for TV. But Deadline reports that he’s in “early talks to direct one or two episodes” of Justified: City Primeval, the Justified limited series with Timothy Olyphant reprising his role as Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens (not to be confused with Space Raylan):
Tarantino and Olyphant worked together on the director’s most recent film, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. There also is the filmmaker’s devotion to Elmore Leonard, who created the Givens character… He optioned several Leonard titles during his career and has talked about possibly directing one of his Westerns, Forty Lashes Less One.
One Leonard adaptation that actually got made is Jackie Brown, based on his 1992 novel Rum Punch. If you want to make a case that it’s Tarantino’s best movie, well, you wouldn’t be the only one.
Tarantino also worked with Olyphant’s Justified co-star Walton Goggins on Django Unchained and The Hateful Eight, and you can hear his voice in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. There’s no word on whether Boyd Crowder will, like Raylan, be in City Primeval, but if he is, one thing’s for sure: his hair will look incredible.
Earlier this month, it was reported that Snoop Dogg had acquired Death Row Records’ brand, but was still hammering out negotiations for the accompanying catalog. Today, Billboard reports that he’s officially completed those negotiations and now owns the masters for both of his albums under the label, Doggystyle and The Doggfather, as well as those for his 213 associates Daz Dillinger and Kurupt, along with Lady of Rage and the compilations and soundtracks Death Row released throughout the ’90s. The terms of the deal were not disclosed.
However, that impressive collection of music does not include a few of the most well-known Death Row releases. Dr. Dre’s The Chronic is set to be returned to Snoop’s longtime collaborator sometime next year (August at the latest), while Tupac Shakur’s seminal classic All Eyez On Me and The Don Killuminati: The 7 Day Theory (as Makavelli) have already reverted to Amaru Entertainment and the Tupac estate.
Snoop might not miss those exceptions much in the long run, as Billboard notes both of his albums are Death Row’s best sellers. Meanwhile, his newly released BODR (Bacc On Death Row) — his first release for the album in 25 years — is already generating revenue to the tune of 10,000 units, while Doggystyle alone was worth 169,000 units just in 2021. Billboard puts the total revenue for the catalog at around $6 million last year. Combined with the branding — which handles merch and licensing of the Death Row logo — Snoop’s adding about $50 million of value to his name. Billboard notes, however, that Snoop may not have paid that much to MNRK, which previously held the rights to Death Row, due to it no longer having an interest in the brand and having a tendency to return rights to artists, as it did with Dre and Pac.
Snoop says he wants to turn Death Row into an “NFT label,” which holds interesting prospects for the future, while his former protege Bow Wow revealed plans to release his own final album under the imprint earlier today.
After Britney Spears successfully ended her conservatorship last year, fellow child star Amanda Bynes is now following close behind. The former Nickelodeon prodigy has filed court documents to end her conservatorship, which her mother was temporarily granted in 2013, and then reinstated in 2014. The conservatorship is for both her person and her estate, according to Page Six.
Bynes’ lawyers told People that the actress is more stable than she used to be, and wants to end the conservatorship. “Amanda wishes to terminate her conservatorship. She believes her condition is improved and protection of the court is no longer necessary.” Last year, a judge granted the conservatorship to be extended through 2023.
The actress was a huge star in the early 2000s, starting on All That then creating her own sketch comedy The Amanda Show, and starring in a slew of hit movies like Big Fat Liar and Easy A. In 2013, a judge granted Bynes’ mother Lynn with temporary conservatorship after the actress was temporarily sent to a psychiatric facility for setting her neighbor’s driveway on fire. Bynes later admitted she was struggling with mental health issues and drug abuse. She met her now-fiance at an Alcohol Anonymous meeting in 2019.
Recently, Bynes received a degree from the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising and has been reportedly interested in making fragrances. Her hearing is scheduled for March 22.
Isaiah Stewart really wanted to make his elementary school’s basketball team. He doesn’t remember exactly how old he was — he guesses he was about nine or 10 — but at the time, tryouts were ongoing and he was determined to not miss them.
The problem: Stewart’s dad, Dela, was not able to get him to school that morning. Stewart has spoken at length in the past about the role his father has played in his life, instilling values of hard work, determination, and pride in him from the time he was young. One way he did this was to lead by example, working long days in construction to provide for his family.
On that one particular day, Dela heading into work early in the morning meant Isaiah had no way to get to tryouts on the other side of Rochester … well, there was one.
“I convinced my brother to wake up with me and we walked to school,” Stewart tells Dime. “So, we lived on the west side, my school was on the east side, so we got up early, walked to school. I think that just shows work ethic and how bad I wanted it at a young age.”
That work ethic and desire to do whatever he needs — even if it’s not exactly going down the path of least resistance — has helped Stewart get to the NBA, and is on display whenever he suits up for the Detroit Pistons. Now in the midst of his second year in the league, Stewart is part of a young core of players who the Pistons hope will lead them back to prominence.
This sort of rebuilding job is not easy. Since making the Eastern Conference Finals in 2008, the Pistons have made the postseason three times. They were swept in the first round in each appearance. They’ve finished above-.500 once in that time. All of this has happened for a franchise that has a rich history of winning in a specific way — from the Bad Boys of the 1980s to the championship-winning squad in the mid-00s, Detroit basketball has always been about putting on a hardhat and going to work.
It’s not difficult to see how a guy like Stewart is a cultural fit for this sort of team. A five-star prospect out of La Lumiere School in Indiana and a first-round pick out of Washington, Stewart came into the NBA with big time credentials. Despite this, Stewart says he saw plenty of skepticism about how his game would translate.
As a 6’8 center who didn’t come into the league with a reputation for being a freakish athlete or a lethal jump shooter, Stewart saw people writing him off before he ever stepped on the floor. Add in the fact that the COVID-19 pandemic meant rookies didn’t get Summer League or a proper preseason to ease their way into the Association and Stewart had to learn everything on the fly.
“The way I play and everything, and being a strong player going against a lot of grown men at 19, there’s a lot of welcome to the NBA moments,” he says with a laugh.
Still, Stewart was willing to whatever was necessary to contribute as a young player. He knows that there is always going to be a place in the league for a guy like him, someone who is willing to do the dirty work and never take a possession off. Mistakes on defense, he knew, were easier to swallow (both for himself and the team’s coaching staff) if they were the result of playing hard. It helped Stewart be comfortable switching onto guards on the perimeter, one of those aforementioned bits of skepticism he faced coming into the league. “I played in the 2-3 [zone] in college, and they didn’t think I was able to guard guards,” he says. “I proved I can do that from the day I stepped foot in the NBA.”
While he concedes he’s struggled to hit threes this year (he’s converting them at a 16 percent clip), Stewart took pride in the fact that his jumper started falling in the second half of his rookie campaign — he knocked down 20 percent of his threes before the All-Star break as a rookie and 34.5 percent of them after. He’s also confident that all of this will come, and that even if he hits bumps in the road, they’re all parts of a process.
“I just feel like you reap what you sow,” Stewart says. “If you’re working hard, and you’re putting in the work, you’re gonna get good things out of it. Might not be now, but when it does for me, you can say, ‘I know I put the work in for it.’
“The funnest thing to do,” he continues, “is prove doubters wrong and make doubters believers.”
This goes for more than just the man affectionately known as Beef Stew. The Pistons are banking on a ton of younger guys to usher in a new era of excellence. Trade deadline acquisition Marvin Bagley is the latest member of their youth movement, and Stewart thinks they’ll fit well together as they continue to gel. Reigning No. 1 overall pick Cade Cunningham is one of the best rookies in the league, while Saddiq Bey and Stewart were first and second-team All-Rookie selections, respectively, last season. Of the team’s 14 players who have appeared in at least 20 games this year, nine of them are 25 or younger.
It hasn’t yet translated to wins — Detroit is 14-45 this year, the second-worst record in the NBA. There are flashes of promise across the roster, but the goal is to build something sustainable so playoff berths are the norm, not the exception. And with guys like Stewart in tow, the Pistons are building up a roster that is willing to stay focused on their long-term goals and put in whatever work is required to get to that point.
“We feel like it’s worth it,” Stewart says. “And know the wins might not be showing now, but we know it’s gonna show later. We also know it’s not an easy process. It ain’t easy, but it’s going to happen with working hard, and putting trust in your work. And at the end of it, we feel like we gonna get good out of it.”
In a terrifying sign that we’re undoubtedly living in the Biblical End Times, Fox News praised President Joe Biden‘s Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson on Friday. That’s right, the Fox News. We’ll give you a moment to collect yourself.
The surprising moment went down during America Reports as Fox News anchor and chief legal correspondent Shannon Bream had nothing but positive things to say about Jackson. Via Mediaite:
“She’s got a sterling resume, as noted there. Harvard undergrad, Harvard Law School,” Bream said on America Reports. “She clerked for Justice Breyer, the very man that she’s said mentored her, the man she wants emulate and be able to – she said, I can’t fill his shoes but I’m maybe going to fill that seat. That’s what she aspires to now.”
Surely, this was a fluke, and the next Fox News pundit would have something negative to say about Biden’s pick. Guess again. Fox News contributor and legal scholar Jonathan Turley also heaped praise on Jackson calling her remarks on being chosen by Biden as “pitch-perfect.”
“They were terrific in terms of laying out the great honor that’s been given to her, but also these compelling aspects of her life,” Turley said. “There is a life story to be told here. Hers is a particularly impressive one.”
If you’re confused by this turn of events, join the club. We have no freaking clue what’s going on here, and we’re not necessarily complaining, but… it feels like a trap, right? Definitely has the feel of a trap. Stay on your toes, people.
Our commitment to hunting down the best fast food chicken sandwich knows no bounds. We’ve already launched an extensive investigation in search of the best chicken sandwich build — it’s Popeyes, no surprise — but that got us thinking: Who is actually cooking up the best chicken? If you strip away the dressings, the bread, the accouterments… is Popeyes still the GOAT?
That’s how we came up with today’s challenge: the naked taste test. Just chicken patties — no place to hide.
We’ve done the naked taste test before, with fast food burgers, and the results of that one surprised us. Stripped of the fixins, our ideas about who made the best fast food burger shifted. A lot. Since chicken sandwiches are fast food’s current favorite snack, it’s only fair that we put their patties to the same test.
With no condiments or pillowy buns to grab my attention, I’ll be able to focus on each fillet’s flavor, the crunchiness of breading, the breading-to-meat ratio, and the texture of the chicken itself. As a result, all of the chicken breast fillets that come drenched in sauce — Wendy’s Hot Honey Chicken, Arby’s Buffalo Chicken Sandwich, etc — have been removed. Sound fair? Let’s eat and crown a true champ!
13. McDonald’s — Crispy Chicken
Dane Rivera
Price: $3.90
Tasting Notes:
Last year, in an effort to cash in on the chicken sandwich craze, McDonald’s launched a trio of new chicken sandwiches, all built around a newly reformulated chicken fillet recipe. This new sandwich is the best chicken sandwich McDonald’s has ever offered.
Unfortunately, that still doesn’t make it good. It has a truly odd aftertaste; dull, bitter, and a little dirty. It doesn’t taste marinated in pickle brine so much as lightly grazed by a pickle. It has the ghosts of flavors — a wisp of pickle, the specter of pepper — but mostly just dry, stringy chicken that’s a chore to chew through.
The Bottom Line:
McDonald’s Crispy Chicken is one of the chain’s least processed foods, but also one of the most lacking in identifiable flavors. Go figure.
KFC, a place with f*cking ‘chicken’ in the name, shouldn’t be able to make a chicken sandwich this bad. There is no excuse. They might as well not make a chicken sandwich to begin with because this is straight-up garbage. The chicken is dry and tough, the batter tastes like eggs, and despite looking like the crunchiest thing on Earth, the texture is disturbingly soft. It has no redeeming qualities, which really puts into perspective how bad McDonald’s is. I hate KFC’s chicken sandwich this much, and there’s still something worse.
The Bottom Line:
Don’t eat this. Kick it down the street, run it over with a car, don’t even let bugs eat this garbage. KFC, if you’re reading this, stop making chicken sandwiches. Please, we beg you.
I love that Jack in the Box’s chicken sandwich is called “The Cluck.” I don’t need fast food brands to get creative or cute with their chicken sandwich names (looking at you Burger King Ch’King) but there is something fun about rolling up to a drive-thru and saying “Hi, can I get the Cluck?”
Unfortunately, that’s where my adoration ends. Like a lot of these bottom-of-the-list chicken sandwiches, this one is dry, incredibly dense and hearty, and way too salty. It also suffers from the same problem as all fried food from Jack in the Box: it tastes vaguely like Curly Fries.
You may think that’s not a bad thing, because you love curly fries, and we don’t blame you, you’d have to be a monster not to. But curly fry flavor isn’t great when it’s constantly hovering over the flavors you’re supposed to be tasting like an unwanted guest. You come away from this chicken feeling like you tasted something fried in old oil.
The Bottom Line:
Not the worst thing on the Jack in the Box menu, but if you’re really craving chicken from the Box, you’re better off ordering strips or nuggets.
Carl’s Jr.’s attempt to compete with Popeyes was to drop a hand-breaded chicken sandwich that matched the quality of the brand’s hand-breaded chicken tenders. On that front, Carl’s Jr.’s big chicken sandwich relaunch has been a success. Like McDonald’s, this is the best chicken sandwich that has ever been on the Carl’s menu, replacing that addictive, but school-cafeteria-quality $1 spicy chicken sandwich that used to be the only option on the menu. This new version is just a few missteps away from being a great chicken sandwich.
The hand-breading is great and noticeable. You can see tossing waves in the batter, and the fillet is well covered with a nice ratio of breading to meat. But the batter itself is kind of flavorless. All you really taste is salt, and coupled with the dry meat, this results in a chicken sandwich that desperately needs its accouterments to make it work.
The Bottom Line:
Most of the flavor of this sandwich comes from the sides, so if you want the best chicken sandwich at Carl’s Jr., skip the classic and reach for the Hot Honey or Bacon Swiss.
The Spicy Chicken is a very slight improvement over Jack in the Box’s Spicy Cluck Sandwich. Side note, why couldn’t this have been called the Spicy Cluck? I digress. What this chicken has going for it is a spicy cayenne kick that masks some of that ghostly curly fry fryer flavor (try saying that five times fast). The breast here is also a bit more substantial and meaty.
Unfortunately, it’s still pretty dry, so while more meat will deliver a more substantial meal, it also takes more effort to chew through. That probably matters less when you have cheese, bacon, and sauce on the sandwich, so I won’t hold it against this fillet.
The Bottom Line:
Jack in the Box’s best chicken fillet, but that’s not saying much.
I love Wendy’s, and I especially love Wendy’s chicken sandwich. So the most shocking result of this experiment was finding the Wendy’s Classic Chicken in the middle of the ranking. I truly believe Wendy’s is a few menu tweaks away from taking the top spot from Popeyes for best chicken sandwich. Yet when you taste just the fillet, that feeling couldn’t be more wrong.
The breading has one flavor: salt. And while the quality of the chicken is a step up from everything lower on this list, tender meat is not enough to bump this chicken any higher.
The Bottom Line:
Wendy’s makes a great chicken sandwich, but their standard Classic Chicken Sandwich is shockingly middling.
I have to hand it to Burger King. The brand is bad-to-middling at just about everything they do — they make bad fries, horrible milk shakes, bitter and burnt coffee, and the Whopper is one of the worst fast food burgers you can buy — but the Ch’King is in another class. We do a lot of food rankings here at Uproxx, and I’ve personally placed Burger King at or near the bottom of many of them. But the Ch’King, which was launched last year, gives me hope that the brand is changing for the better.
The Ch’King is Burger King’s best menu item. It may not be top-five worthy for the purposes of this list, but it is an objectively good chicken fillet. It’s well seasoned, with a nice balance of cracked black pepper and garlic powder, it’s crispy and craggy, a perfect sponge for soaking up whatever sauce you douse it in. I really don’t have anything bad to say about this sandwich. There are just a handful that taste better.
The Bottom Line:
If you’re at Burger King, order the Ch’King. It’s the best thing on the menu in any iteration.
Oh how the mighty have fallen. Okay, granted, landing just outside of the top five isn’t that much of an ‘L,’ but as I said before, I truly believe Wendy’s Asiago Ranch Chicken Club is one of the best fast food chicken sandwiches your money can buy. But that’s not because of the chicken.
The spicy version of Wendy’s fillet is a step up from the flavorloess homestyle version, but just barely. When biting into this sandwich your palate will be met with a black-pepper dominant flavor and a strong cayenne pepper kick that lingers with a steady, sustained burn. The chicken isn’t the juiciest, but it’s not dry either, and it breaks from the rest of the fillet easily and isn’t laborious to chew through.
But let’s be real here, all that spice is meant to mask the mediocrity of the chicken’s actual flavor. It works, but think of how much better this chicken could be if Wendy’s put a little more effort into either the sourcing or the preparation.
The Bottom Line:
It hurts me that Wendy’s fillet isn’t top-five worthy, but the various sandwich builds and the spicy cayenne kick is enough to make it come across as a sandwich capable of punching above its weight.
We’ve finally reached top-five territory! Before I get into the merits of this particular breast fillet, let me just say that any of these sandwiches could be someone’s favorite. They’re all delicious winners in our book and are definitely worth ordering. Chick-fil-A believes so strongly in their chicken sandwich that they actually call it the “Chick-fil-A Chicken Sandwich.” This is the restaurant’s namesake, and for good reason. While this chicken is a little drier than the birds ranked above, it’s tender enough and the flavor is fantastic. A medley of fragrant and spicy garlic, onion, and black pepper greet your tongue, settling into a briny, complex finish courtesy of the pickle marinade.
The fillet is pressure cooked, which keeps it from being as crispy as some of the more traditional deep fried fillets, but the breading adheres to the meat no matter how chaotic your bites, delivering a consistent flavor from first bite to last.
The Bottom Line:
Chick-fil-A’s chicken breast fillet was, until very recently, the best fast food chicken sandwich in the universe. Without this sandwich being so good we probably never would’ve gotten the Popeyes chicken sandwich, so for that we’ll always look at this fillet fondly. But it’s no longer the best.
This is f*cking stupid. As you can clearly see, Raising Canes’ chicken sandwich isn’t so much a chicken sandwich as it is three individual chicken tenders thrown in a bun and doused in housemade thousand island-style sauce. This hurts it in our definitive chicken sandwich ranking, and it’s going to hurt it in this chicken fillet ranking because… well it’s not a fillet. It’s the fillet equivalent of three kids stacked up inside a trench coat. For that reason alone it doesn’t get the top spot. Having said that, at the end of the day this is a ranking that’s all about flavor, and on that score I have to hand it to Raising Cane’s. This is some damn good chicken.
It’s crispy, and strikes the perfect balance between salt, cracked black pepper, and garlic powder. The breading to meat ratio is perfect, it’s craggy enough to soak up Cane’s sauce, and provides a nice audible crunch (though some pieces deliver on this better than others). Yet it’s not over-battered to the point that some of your bites are nothing but breading. All of that earns this chicken top placement, but the real highlight is the meat itself.
This is fast food’s best chicken. It’s juicy, tender, citrus marinated. It tears away nicely with each bite, and practically melts in your mouth. Raising Canes has one thing on the menu, chicken, and they do it exceptionally well. But the chicken sandwich is the most low-effort thing on the menu, and that includes the coleslaw.
The Bottom Line:
Delicious, worth every bit of hype this chicken has ever received. But c’mon, Raising Cane’s. Give us a proper chicken sandwich! Take a chicken breast, pound it out, bread it, and Popeyes will forever be a footnote in the history of chicken sandwiches.
The non-spicy fillet may be Chick-fil-A’s namesake, but the Spicy Chicken is their best menu item. Added to that complex pickle finish is a mix of smokey paprika and a fair shake of cayenne, overall leading to a more distinct and memorable flavor. It has everything the original Chick-fil-A fillet has, the same semi-soft but consistent pressure cooked batter, the same tender bite, but it manages to have more flavor. And that makes it a better bird in our book.
The Bottom Line:
Kick it up a notch by ordering the spicy deluxe and add some pepper jack cheese to this medley of spicy flavors.
Next to Raising Cane’s, Shake Shack has some of the highest quality chicken in all of fast food. It’s fresh and never frozen, antibiotic free [Ed. note: there is some debate about whether this designation actually means anything, and whether “antibiotic free” — no antibiotics in the meat, which is always true by law — is the same as “raised without antibiotics”], and the chicken is so tender that I had to take a close-up picture of it just to show it off. Like Carl’s Jr., Shake Shack hand-breads the chicken and it has those beautiful tossed flour waves in the breading — which is light, crispy, and full of onion, garlic, and black pepper flavors. The chicken has a soft mouthfeel, you can truly taste that it isn’t frozen.
It was a real toss up between the top two, but this chicken just wasn’t quite as juicy as our number one. Like everything at Shake Shack (except for the fries) a lot of care and craft was clearly put into this sandwich. But there’s a reason you think “burger” when you hear the words “Shake Shack.” This chicken sandwich still plays second fiddle to Shake Shack’s true virtuoso of flavor, the Shack Burger.
The Bottom Line:
It’s great, easily one of the best chicken sandwiches you’ll ever eat and probably the best sourced. But it doesn’t taste better than number one.
I desperately wanted this plain taste test to result in a surprise number one, but alas. Once I bit into this fillet it was more than clear — Popeyes chicken sandwich is truly the GOAT. No other chicken sandwich tastes nearly this good. The sourcing probably isn’t as good as Raising Cane’s or Shake Shack’s, and the pricing reflects that you’re dealing with lower-quality bird, but dammit if it doesn’t taste the best. Hell, you don’t even need the pickles, mayo/spicy sauce, or the bread. I’d happily eat this shit with a knife and a fork like George Costanza eating a Snickers.
The chicken is tender and so juicy, bursting with mouthwatering flavor. It’s fried to a perfect golden brown, the breading a medley of buttery, sweet, garlicky, peppery flavors that ricochet across the palate and cause salivation between bites. It has a subtle hint of spiciness to it. I’m not sure why Popeyes hasn’t given us a proper spicy version of this sandwich when they already have a spicy breading on hand, but it almost doesn’t matter.
This chicken sandwich is so good that Popeyes doesn’t have to do a single thing to it to make it better. But that doesn’t mean they can’t. Add cheese to it, throw in an order of macaroni and cheese, put some fries in their — it’s a delicious canvas for your imagination.
The Bottom Line:
Truly the best chicken sandwich in the fast food universe, the hype is fully justified. If Michael Jordan was a chicken sandwich, he’d be Popeyes. Fast food chicken doesn’t taste better than this.
After nearly two years of false starts and a few strong mixtapes to hold fans over, Conway The Machine‘s long-awaited Shady Records debut, God Don’t Make Mistakes, has arrived. Made up of 12 tracks with guest features from Annette Price, Beanie Siegel, Jill Scott, Keisha Plum, Novel, T.I., and more, God Don’t Make Mistakes is the culmination of the Buffalo rapper’s career to date, which saw him and his Griselda Records cohorts Benny The Butcher and Westside Gunn (also featured on the album on the lead single “John Woo Flick,” naturally) sign to Shady Records in 2019.
So far, though, the standouts of the album appear to be a pair of tracks that, on the surface, couldn’t be more different, but are in reality vintage Grisela presentations. One, “Stressed,” features a relative newcomer, Wallo627, who contributes a spoken-word outro giving a passionate pep talk to Conway, reminding him “you’re back, now you’re back at one hundred.”
The other, which you can check out up top, has a much splashier guest list. “Tear Gas,” which features a smooth beat courtesy of G Koop, Cosmo Beats, and Vidal Garcia, has guest verses from rap game veterans Rick Ross and Lil Wayne, who come through to match their host’s complex delivery with punchline-laden raps of their own. However, it’s still Conway’s show, and longtime fans needn’t worry — the Griselda capo’s Shady debut fits right in amongst the rest of his extensive catalog with haunting beats and hardbody rhymes.
God Don’t Make Mistakes is out now via Shady Records. Get it here.
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