Category: Viral

On next week’s episode of People’s Party with Talib Kweli, Jasmin Leigh and Kweli chop it up with Hannibal Buress where they got into some of the comedian’s early struggles to find a place for his unique brand of comedy and his stated desire to mostly riff on his own personality as an actor. The comic teased his acting range while discussing his scene-stealing role as Lincoln Rice in Broad City.

“That character, were you given free rein to develop that character?” Kweli asks. “Because it seems a lot like you.”

To which Buress replies, “Yeah, I don’t really stretch too much as an actor, you’re going to get me how I am that day.”

That confident nonchalance and a distinct, deadpan delivery have endeared Buress to audiences time and time again, whether he’s playing Lincoln in Broad City, a character named Hannibal in High Maintenance, a character named Hannibal in 30 Rock, himself in Crashing, or even burning it up on the stage doing stand-up. But before Hannibal carved a place for himself (playing himself) in the stand-up and in the comedy television world, he was struggling to find a home for his work as a short-lived writer on 30 Rock and SNL.

“I don’t think I was really suited for sketch writing at that time,” says Buress of his SNL stint. “I think I was better suited for something more on camera or working in tandem with somebody… And then 30 Rock, it was dope but it wasn’t for me to be in the writer’s room just for what my energy was and my level of focus. I have ADHD, and it was undiagnosed at the time but just being in those types of settings, I wasn’t functioning, I didn’t function at my peak at all.”

It’s hard to imagine that Hannibal Buress — a well-known workaholic in the comedy world who juggles multiple projects per year — was ever not functioning at his peak. To hear how Buress’ cabin fever working in writer’s rooms led to him redoubling his efforts on the standup scene and how his early career successes (and struggles with ADHD) led to where he is now, check out the People’s Party clip above.

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Earlier in the week, rumors that Wonder Woman 1984 would abandon its October intensified as the box office results for Tenet began rolling in. However, there was no official word from Warner Bros. until now.

In a statement to fans, director Patty Jenkins confirmed that Wonder Woman 1984 has bumped its release date and will hit theaters on December 25, 2020. Via Variety:

“First and foremost let me say how much Gal and I love all our devoted Wonder Woman fans around the world, and your excitement for ‘WW84’ couldn’t make us happier or more eager for you to see the movie. Because I know how important it is to bring this movie to you on a big screen when all of us can share the experience together, I’m hopeful you won’t mind waiting just a little bit longer. With the new date on Christmas Day, we can’t wait to spend the holidays with you!”

While industry watchers assumed delaying Wonder Woman 1984 was inevitable, Variety speculates that the move was for two reasons: First, to give Tenet more room to increase its box office haul with a significantly longer theatrical window. Second, the Christmas release date is practically wide open, giving Wonder Woman very little competition. While it’s not mentioned in the report, this move will undoubtedly affect Dune, which Warner Bros. plans to release in December. That film will most likely be pushed into 2021, but as of this writing, an official decision has yet to be made.

Starring Gal Gadot in the title role and Jenkins as director, Wonder Woman 1984 features the Amazon warrior battling the mysterious Max Lord (Pedro Pascal) and the deadly Cheetah (Kristen Wiig) while set in the neon, excess of the 1980s. Chris Pine also reprises his role as Steve Trevor, who has somehow returned from the dead.

(Via Variety)

Hannah Montana was hugely popular in its time, and like most things that were culturally iconic, nostalgia-driven fans want more years later. Some of these intellectual properties do get rebooted, and it turns out Miley Cyrus isn’t opposed to reviving her famous character.

During a recent radio interview, Cyrus was asked if she would like to bring back Hannah Montana, and she responded, “I would love to. Timing is everything. It’s like wine: After a certain amount of time, you pass a line where… or a good vintage T-shirt. You know how a T-shirt gets kinda old and crappy, but then the longer you have it, the more vintage and more value it has? It’s just gonna keep adding and gaining value.”

Cyrus also discussed the type of relationship being a public figure at a young age has given her and her fans, saying, “I have a really unique relationship with my fans. I think not many artists get to kinda say that they grew up, you know… my fans came to my sweet 16. I had a birthday party at Disneyland and invited all my fans, ’cause that was kinda like my friends and family growing up.”

It’s not clear if Cyrus meant she wants to bring back the Hannah Montana show or just the Hannah Montana character. It might be a challenge to bring the show back plot-wise. In its final season, Cyrus’ character, Miley Stewart, guests on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno (as Hannah Montana) and reveals that she is actually Miley Stewart and that Hannah is a made-up persona. So, a Hannah Montana revival would have to address that somehow or break continuity.

Dame D.O.L.L.A., who is known just as much for his clutch fourth quarter performances as he is for his lyricism, combines the two skills to pay tribute to his most immediate predecessor and parallel in both, Kobe Bryant. On “Kobe,” Dame is joined by his Front Page Music cohort Derrick Milano and rap legend Snoop Dogg, dedicating the track, which appears on the NBA 2K21 soundtrack, to the NBA icon who defined “clutch” for a generation and inspired millions.

Produced by Ayo & Keyz, the song originally appeared only on the game, but after a positive fan response, Dame decided to give it a separate release. The news that the track would get its own release hit the social media sphere on Thursday via Lillard’s Twitter account.

When the track dropped, Lillard included a picture of him posted up on the sideline before a Blazers-Laker game in which every seat at Staples Center included a Mamba shirt.

Dame has previously said that being on the cover of this year’s 2K game — which features a special Mamba Edition that pays tribute to Kobe — inspired him to “pay tribute to Kobe through music.” Whether you’ve picked up the game and have heard the track already, or if you’ve yet to hear it, you can listen to Dame D.O.L.L.A.’s “Kobe” with Snoop Dogg and Derrick Milano above.

2 Chainz and Lil Wayne pay homage to historically Black colleges and universities in the video for their collaborative single “Money Maker.” Shouting out such schools as Alabama State University, Clark Atlanta University, Florida A&M University, Lincoln University, Morehouse College (of course), Oakwood University, Southern University and A&M College, and Tennessee State University, Chainz and Wayne utilize a Black college marching band to recreate an interpolation of Guy’s “Piece Of My Love.” The end result is a celebration of a piece of Black culture that often goes overlooked, but has a huge impact on the world.

The song is one of the singles from 2 Chainz’s upcoming album, So Help Me God, which is due September 25, and a reunion of sorts for the Collegrove collaborators. Chainz also confirmed earlier this year that a sequel to their fan-favorite joint mixtape would be coming out soon. Meanwhile, Wayne is also considering another collaboration of his own: another joint tour with longtime friend and frequent partner-in-rhyme Drake. Meanwhile, his infamous No Ceilings mixtape also made a return to streaming services recently — albeit, with some major changes.

Watch 2 Chainz and Lil Wayne’s ‘Money Maker’ video above.

So Help Me God is due 9/25 via Def Jam Recordings.

It’s not often we write about casting announcements, but we’ll make an exception for The Harder They Fall. The all-Black western movie for Netflix produced by Jay-Z was already a must watch due to a) it’s an all-Black western movie produced by Jay-Z; and b) the previously-revealed involvement of Idris Elba and Jonathan Majors, who’s currently doing Emmy-worthy work on Lovecraft Country. But get a load of the rest of the cast: Atlanta‘s Zazie Beetz and Lakeith Stanfield (she was in Joker; he wants to be the Joker), Da 5 Bloods standout Delroy Lindo, and possible Best Director nominee Regina King.

My professional opinion of that cast is: Yes.

The script, by Samuel and Boaz Yakin, follows outlaw Nat Love (Majors), who, upon discovering that the man (Elba) who killed his parents two decades previously is being released from prison, reunites with his gang to track his enemy down and seek his revenge.

The Hollywood Reporter notes that the cast is currently “in cowboy camp, learning the skills of gunslinging and horseback riding, but will head to New Mexico for the shoot,” which is a fun thing to imagine. If Netflix wants to make a documentary about the filming of The Harder They Fall, with footage of King pretending to be impressed by Elba riding a horse only to give him a sarcastic “ooh,” I I would leave it playing on repeat for 24 hours. That’s a promise.

(Via the Hollywood Reporter)

As the loss of Chadwick Boseman continues to resonate across the world, his Black Panther co-star, Michael B. Jordan, shared one of his favorite and hilarious memories with the late actor.

In a tribute posted to Instagram on Thursday, Jordan uploaded the classic viral clip of Boseman and himself repeatedly cracking each other up during an interview with Kerrang! Radio. The two actors were challenged to “The Compliment Game,” which requires them to take turns delivering a compliment to each other as straight-faced as possible. Whoever laughs first, loses. They didn’t make it far!

Jordan went first, and he barely got out a few sentences complimenting Boseman on how his beard “somewhat connects” before the Da 5 Bloods actor completely lost it. He could barely contain himself, and the situation didn’t improve when it was his turn to compliment Jordan. While trying to make a quip about Jordan’s eyebrows, Boseman lost it again, cracking up Jordan in the process.

It’s truly a happy and hilarious moment between the two, and you can watch it below along with Jordan revealing how much he misses Boseman’s laugh:

In the days immediately after Boseman’s death, Jordan shared a lengthy, heartfelt tribute to the late actor and how he always cherish their time together, particularly the last conversation they had:

One of the last times we spoke, you said we were forever linked , and now the truth of that means more to me than ever. Since nearly the beginning of my career, starting with All My Children when I was 16 years old you paved the way for me. You showed me how to be better, honor purpose, and create legacy. And whether you’ve known it or not…I’ve been watching, learning and constantly motivated by your greatness.

“I wish we had more time,” Jordan wrote before proudly declaring Boseman his king.

(Via Michael B. Jordan on Instagram)

They. doesn’t have their eyes on the R&B world and what they are up to. Instead, since the duo’s formation and first release with their 2015 Nu Religion EP, singer Drew Love and producer Dante Jones strived to zag when the industry zigged. They. was one of the first to usher in the heavy guitar sound over 808-laden beats and they’re well aware of how their sound influenced the rest of the game. But, as it occurs with trends in music, They. watched their sound land in different corners of the game while losing its unique touch, an influence that they are proud of but one that forced them to zag once again.

From their debut album Nu Religion: Hyena to their most recent release with 2018’s Fireside EP, They.’s influence on the game is undeniable through their pen and production contributions to a number of artists over the years. Drew Love has helped pen songs by the likes of Ty Dolla Sign and Jeremih (“Goin Thru Some Thangz”), K. Michelle (“Ain’t You” & “Take Two”), and more while Dante Jones’ production skills can be found on Alina Baraz’s 2020 album It Was Divine, Emotional Oranges’ The Juice Vol. 1 and Vol. 2, and more.

After staying quiet for the majority of 2019, the duo is preparing the release of their sophomore album, The Amanda Tape. A work in progress for the last year and a half, the project got its name after They. and their engineer discovered they were in relationships with different women who were coincidentally named Amanda. The Amanda Tape presents the emotions within a relationship; from the highest highs to the lowest lows and everything that lies in the middle.

Following its three singles, “Count Me In,” “Play Fight,” and “All Mine,” the producer half of They., Dante Jones, spoke to Uproxx about The Amanda Tape, what it was like creating it in the midst of a pandemic, and what they hope to accomplish with their upcoming album.

This year has been crazy, to say the least, so before the music, I just wanted to ask how are you doing mentally?

I’m good man, I’m good. Obviously we were thrown a big curveball with the whole COVID sh*t and it just seems like it’s all just kind of building up from there. It’s definitely been a transformative year for sure, a lot of growth, a lot of changes, I’m just rolling with the punches and trying to keep progressing towards the goals, getting the music out and stuff like that throughout all the different circumstances and sh*t that’s going on. I get to spend a lot of time with my family and stuff like that that I usually wouldn’t get to. I think we’re just all navigating things in our own way, just about maintaining and pushing forward.

Your upcoming album The Amanda Tape will arrive in the midst of a pandemic. Did you work on it prior to or during the pandemic? What pains did you experience while trying to be creative during this time?

We’ve been working on this project off and on for the past year and a half. We started working on it right around the time we finished up the Fireside EP, this gonna be the end of 2018, so we’ve been chipping away at it ever since then. When the pandemic hit, we had just been writing for a year and a half, and what that afforded me the opportunity to do was really slow down, finish everything, reign everything into one concise vision […] When it comes to creating man, it’s off and on. I feel like I’ll go through weeks where I’m super inspired, it’ll be like a 2-3 week period, and then it’ll be the same thing the opposite [way] for the next two weeks. It’ll be like, “Oh sh*t, I feel like I can’t come up with anything. I’m tired of looking at the same walls, at the same screen over and over again.” It comes and goes in waves.

With your most recent “All Mine,” the song’s concept kinda made me laugh in my head. I feel like it’s the epitome of “give an inch, take a mile.” The door to this relationship and this girl are still a bit open, but you bust it open because just cracked isn’t enough for your liking. What sparked this song and this shift in direction for y’all?

A lot of the time, I’m usually the one that walks into the studio with an idea of like “We’re doing this today” or “Today, we’re doing this.” I’ve always grown up like a big brother, the one who’s in charge, sometimes I just carry myself like that. That day, I walk in and I was like, “I want to make some hard R&B, something cocky, something The-Dream would say. That first Dream album, that Love Vs. Hate sh*t.” We were like, “Alright, f*ck it let’s do it.” I think that at the time when we were writing the record, Drew’s — the name of the album is The Amanda Tape and that comes from both of us being in relationships with girls named Amanda at the same time. Drew and his Amanda broke up and, slowly but surely, she’s sending out little smoke signals like, “I’m with a new guy,” blah blah blah. In that moment we were just like if we can channel that into like “Alright cool, I know you got your new man, your new dude or whatever, but don’t get it twisted. You know what’s up, we were together for a year and a half, this n**** is here for the moment.” I think it was just channeling that energy and that confidence into something that really came out dope. Sonically, we wanted it to feel like it was a Bill Withers song or something like that whenever the record first kicks off, but yeah I think we walked in with so much intent and such a chip on our shoulders when we wrote that record that it just came across from top to bottom.

I read in a previous interview that The Amanda Tape explores all the emotions relevant within relationships. As Black men, we often experience difficulties expressing love and the emotions that come with it. Did y’all experience any of these difficulties and are they discussed on the album?

I think that right now we just have so much material, so many things that are fresh and new, it definitely gave us a lot to talk about. Even more so as Black men, we’ve got that much more pressure on us on a day-to-day basis from the amount of things we have to contend with. I feel like we’ve done a good job of putting out that perspective. I was writing something yesterday and we were just like, “F*ck there’s so much sh*t going on in the world, I lowkey want to speak more on what it’s like to be a Black man in an R&B sense.” It’s been done a little bit, you have guys like Anthony Hamilton and people like that who I’ve always felt like he could really talk about love but he could also talk about the world, political sh*t, and stuff like that. I want to find a way to do that in a fresh way too, just the mindset that we’re in right now. It’s a tricky time man, you’re navigating this minefield, this relationship minefield, where sh*t can go wrong on both sides.

Heading back to your debut album Nu Religion: Hyena, you both were emphatic on not having features for it. However, for Fireside, we saw the other side of that spectrum. Where are you both for The Amanda Tape and who can we expect to hear if you can share some names?

The entire ethos of the first album was us trying to prove ourselves. We want to make the sh*t that most left-field — I’m making sh*t with chromatic melodies and all sorts of craziness. The whole album was just about flexing and proving ourselves, “Yeah, we’re here. We’re dope.” The next one was more about collaboration and expanding on the sound and also, to be honest, gave more clarity as to who we are as artists and actual people, not necessarily show what we can do, it’s like really reining it in and being hyper-focused. Whereas this album, it’s the best of both worlds. We definitely have moments where we’re showcasing our talents, but overall we really just wanted to tell a story more so than anything else. The features that we picked whether it be Tinashe, we have Juicy J coming up soon, we got Wale who just sent over a verse that we really really love. I think it’s just really about completing a narrative as opposed to collaboration or bringing people into the world or anything. We were really dead set on telling a story and only including the pieces that made sense for that story.

You mentioned in that same interview last month that you’ve got 10-11 songs so far ready to go, what’s the number looking like now?

There are 10 songs on the project and then we got a lot of additions and surprises and stuff coming after the initial project, but the main body of work is 10 songs.

What’s the one song from the album that you’re excited for fans to hear?

I’m definitely excited for all the songs. We write a lot so when we cut it down to 10, I feel like I gotta love all 10 in different capacities. I’ll say one record that I’m really excited for is “Losing Focus” which is featuring Wale and is one of our more personal songs, very introspective and kinda got a different ’90s bounce. Another one I’m really excited for is called “Mood Swings” which is just an uptempo R&B joint, something I’ve been really trying to tackle honestly for like years. I feel like I always wanted to make an uptempo kinda like 112 or Jagged Edge [track], but completely up to date, 2020 kind of vibe, but I didn’t know how to do it until I actually was able to do it. That’s probably one of our favorite records off of there too, we got a mixture between that 112 type of uptempo energy, but it still sounds modern. The next single that’s coming out is called “S.T.C.U.” featuring Juicy J which was just a dope bucket list moment. I grew up a big fan of rap, Southern rap in particular, and obviously a big fan of Three 6 Mafia, so just to have that on the resume and to have him be a part of what we’re doing was a big moment within itself.

What do you hope to accomplish with The Amanda Tape?

Whenever I’m working on music, my intent is always — when people zig one way I want to zag the other way. I want to be the one introducing new ideas and perspectives. When we came out with the first album, or honestly even the first EP, we were definitely one of the pioneers of putting the 808s and guitars with melodic stuff. We were one of the first to do it. You go back to 2015 and listen to “Motley Crue” and there was really nothing else that sounded like it. The sound’s always going to evolve, but the intent is exactly the same. With this new project, it’s always about trying to channel the energy of the music that I grew up with and putting it into something fresh, new, and different that’s going to inspire people to try something different. I think on this new project, we were really about to do that by channeling the ’90s R&B and early-2000s R&B and making that into something that’s fresh and new.

The Amanda Tape is due October 23 via Avant Garden/Island. Get it here.

There’s was just one game on the slate on Thursday night — Game 4 between the Rockets and Lakers in what ended up being a relatively easy win for L.A. to take a commanding 3-1 series lead and put Houston on the brink of elimination. So you’d think it’d be light work for the TNT crew.

But those guys never let us down. One of the high points of the broadcast came after the game, when Kenny, E.J., Shaq, and Charles welcomed newly-hired Nets coach Steve Nash to the program, and didn’t pull any punches about asking Nash the tough, hard-hitting questions.

We’re talking, of course, about what he’s done with those MVP trophies he won over Shaq back in the day — the primary one being the 2004-05 award in which Nash edged out the then-Miami Heat big man. You knew going in that Shaq wouldn’t be able to resist a little light ribbing at his former teammate, but he probably didn’t expect for Nash to have the perfect comeback.

The guys actually did have a serious discussion about the accusations of white privilege levied against Nash since he became coach of the Nets. Several high-profile media members have argued that Nash “skipped the line” to land his first head coaching gig without having to pay his dues and come up through the ranks. Nash balked at the notion, saying that while he agrees that white privilege is a problem in America, he doesn’t agree that it applies in this case and has pointed to examples of Black players who have been hired without coaching experience.

Regardless, it was some quality television, as usual, for the TNT broadcast crew on Thursday night.

The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE — Bless you, Ted Lasso

I assume there are lots of good and very explainable reasons for this, but I cannot get myself to watch anything serious or heavy right now. I’m an episode and a half behind on Lovecraft Country, a very good show that feeds bad guys to monsters. I haven’t even started the docuseries on the NXVIM sex cult even though it fascinated me to no end when the articles about it started pouring out. I still haven’t finished I May Destroy You even though everyone I know who has seen it is raving about it. I want to watch all these things. Maybe I will. I hope I will. But right now I just want to watch Ted Lasso.

I reviewed Ted Lasso a few weeks ago. I said then, and I’ll repeat now, that it is so much better than it has any right to be. It is incredibly sweet and charming and it features a bunch of attractive people learning how to be nicer to each other. Jason Sudeikis sports a terrific mustache, something close to a Ron Swanson. Last week they introduced a character named Dani Rojas who is a very excitable young man who smiles all the time and chants his own name a lot. I love him. If anything bad happens to him, if he even gets a parking ticket, I will be completely inconsolable.

It’s to the point that I’ve stopped watching the screeners for the show because I want to save them. New episodes come out every Friday and I have turned it into a routine. Ted Lasso has become my Friday night show. It’s good to have a Friday night show, something fun and enjoyable and lower stress to ease you into the weekend. For a long time, I would rewatch episodes of Parks and Recreation or New Girl. Sometimes I would watch those old Characters Welcome USA shows, which got a weird dismissive reaction from some fancy people when television became very prestige-y, as though there’s not room for both Breaking Bad and a show about hotshots in sunglasses solving crimes at the beach. It’s good to have that balance in your life.

I don’t have it now, though. I’ve swung the other way completely. My brain is braising in its own juices between the pandemic and the election and everything else happening in the world. The sky was just straight-up orange in San Francisco the other day. That’s not what’s supposed to happen. I don’t want to pile bleak and dark television shows on top of that. I want to watch American football coach Ted Lasso reach the troubled youths on his British soccer team. It helps that the show appears to be targeted specifically at the “people named Brian who are me” demographic, which is the only assumption I can make after they invoked the Allen Iverson “practice” rant last week.

Ted Lasso is a very good show. I don’t want you to mistake it as some fluff because of the way I’m discussing it here. It is well-made and funny and will make you feel good. Sometimes that’s all you can possibly ask for out of a television show. Especially on a Friday night. Ted Lasso is a perfect Friday night show. The world has rarely needed one more.

ITEM NUMBER TWO — Meanwhile, on Holey Moley…

The season finale of Holey Moley was this week. I’m very sad about it, in part because I will miss our nation’s finest television program and in part because the finale did not feature either of my two favorite holes, Double Dutch Courage or Polcano, both of which are just excuses to send limbs and torsos hurtling toward the water in potentially dangerous ways. How can you not have the windmills or the zip line?! Come on! I want to see more clobbering. Ugh. Feed my bloodlust, mini-golf show!

There was one fun development, though. They introduced a brand new hole called Clownin’ Around. That’s it in the GIF up there. The contestants got strapped into some spinning astronaut thing and then had to try to putt while upside-down, thanks to a ball that was magnetized to the surface. Really just a lot going on. And none of that was the best part. The best part was this.

After every missed shot, a clown walked up and smashed the contestant in the face with a whipped cream pie. Blammo, right in the kisser. My favorite part was that it happened, again, after every missed shot. So, like, yes, everyone got smashed while hanging upside-down from moon boots, but some of them got smashed a second time after missing their standard second putts. I have always said golf needs more pie-smashing. It would make things so much more interesting. Brooks Koepka missing an 8-foot putt to lose the British Open and then a clown runs out and smushes a whole whipped cream pie into his face as the winner is celebrating. That would be good television. Great television. I’m trying to help here. Listen to me.

ITEM NUMBER THREE — Congrats to the happy couple

David Harbour and Lily Allen got married this week, which was a surprise for me because I didn’t even know they were dating. I suppose that’s more on me than anything else. Apparently it was reasonably common knowledge, or at least something find-out-able. I don’t know why I’m making a big deal about this part. It’s not like they were supposed to tell me, personally, that this was going on. I mean, it would have been nice. I could have grabbed them a gift. And I’m really a lot of fun at weddings. I mingle with all the children and grandparents, I give a great speech, sometimes I have a drink or two too many and start giving people rides on my wheelchair. Their loss, really.

It does look like they had fun, though, if the Instagram photos with fake Elvis are any indication. Sayeth the groom:

In a wedding officiated by the king himself, the people’s princess wed her devoted, low born, but kind credit card holder in a beautiful ceremony lit by the ashen skies courtesy of a burning state miles away in the midst of a global pandemic.

Refreshments were served at a small reception following.

Hmm, I wonder what kind of refreshments one has after a shotgun Vegas celebrity wedding officiated by a man pretending to be Elvis Presl-

Yeah, I suppose this checks out. They seemed to have a very nice time. Without me. I’m not upset.

This all also serves as a nice reminder that Lily Allen has a bunch of fun songs that sound upbeat and fun but are actually mean as all hell, which I love. There’s this one and this one and my personal favorite, this one…

… which is a song about what a loser her little brother is and uses his real name for the title and guess what: her little brother grew up to be Alfie Allen, best known as Theon Greyjoy from Game of Thrones and the punk Russian monster who killed John Wick’s dog and set the events of the entire franchise in motion. That’s a lot to think about! She should update the song with all the crappy things his characters have done. Maybe after the honeymoon.

ITEM NUMBER FOUR — I’m listening…

Hey, did you want an updated version of Scarface set in the present day and directed by Luca Guadagnino of Call Me By Your Name? Well, I hope you did because you’re probably getting it anyway! Let’s see what he has to say about all of this.

“The truth is that I’m interested in the Tony Montana character. He’s a symptom of the American Dream. And I think that these movies are made for their times. My own Scarface will arrive 40 years after the previous one. I think the important thing about these movies is not the fact that they’re lush and fundamental like Brian De Palma’s one. The important thing is knowing that Tony Montana is an archetypal character.”

I can dig that. Tony Montana is an extremely American character, in that he started out hungry and then consumed and consumed and then bought a tiger and killed his best friend and tried to have sex with his sister and then ended up full of cocaine and bullets and dead in his mansio-…

Wait. It appears I have veered away from the subject. I do that sometimes. But Guadagnino actually makes a good point. It is a classic story, a tragic one about the rise and fall of a man who wants everything and ends up with nothing. We can — and probably should — make a new one every 40 years. That’s reasonable. Like how we make a Scrooge movie every few Christmases. But with drugs. And guns. But otherwise the same. Kind of. Tell me more.

“The important things are: A. It has to be well done, the script has to be great – and it is. B. Our Tony Montana has to be current. I don’t want to imitate anything. C. This movie has to be shocking.”

Okay, I kind of can’t wait to see this now. I’m picturing Timothee Chalamet in a Miami nightclub with an Uzi and… hmm. What’s shocking? An elephant? That speaks Spanish? And supports Trump? I don’t know. It’s probably good Luca Guadagnino is doing this instead of me.

ITEM NUMBER FIVE — Diana Rigg knew her way around a good zinger

Diana Rigg passed away this week. Most people under the age of, oh, let’s say 45 probably know her best as Olenna Tyrell on Game of Thrones, which is fair, because she was so good in that role. Just endless zingers and burns, all the time, whenever someone crossed her. Sometimes when they didn’t cross her. Sometimes she was just hilariously mean for no apparent reason, which does not seem like a fun trait in a person you know but is very fun to watch from the safe distance of your own home. She also — spoilers here, I guess — assassinated Joffrey at his own wedding via poison she hid in someone else’s necklace. That was cool. I’ve never rooted for a child’s death harder. I felt great about it. No regrets.

Diana Rigg had a long career before that, though, including a role as London fashion magnate Lady Holiday in The Great Muppet Caper, a movie I just wrote about last week. She delivers a string of zingers in that one, too, most of them directed at her sleazebag brother Nicky (played by a scenery-chomping Charles Grodin), but at least one vicious fireball directed at this poor model.

Maybe you don’t think this is all that bad. Maybe you think her lines as Olenna Tyrell were meaner and more hurtful. That’s fine. You’re allowed to have your own opinion. But do me this favor: Next time you see a woman dressed in a fancy designer dress, walk up to her and say “That outfit’s the pits” just as dismissively as you possibly can. See how that works out for you. Report back.

My point here is that Diana Rigg was pretty great. The Muppets agree.

You know you lived a good life if the Muppets write a tribute to you when you pass.

READER MAIL

If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.

From Ryan:

I assume you saw the news that Fast & Furious 9 is officially going to space. I know you’ve been beating this drum for years so I imagine it feels great to be proven correct. My question is this: If they do indeed go to outer space in this movie, how can they possibly raise the stakes for the next movies? Where can you go after you’ve been to space? It is quite literally the final frontier, after all.

Ryan, this is an excellent question. I believe you are referring to the quotes from Michelle Rodriguez this week that (kind of) (maybe) confirmed the previous quotes from Ludacris that at least one character ends up in the cosmos in the upcoming, delayed ninth Fast & Furious movie. Here is her exact quote, for the sake of accuracy:

“Oh, no way! How did you guys find that out? See what happens? People start talking behind the scenes, man. When a movie doesn’t come out and forget about it, things get out. Nobody was supposed to know that… Oh, well, no, I’m not, I’m not, I’m not lucky enough to hit space, but we did get a female writer and showed a lot of love, I think, on this one.”

Okay, three things about this:

• If they do indeed go to outer space, this will be the second time I called a ridiculous plot development, after I predicted the appearance of a submarine in the eighth movie
• There still remains a 40-50 percent chance this is all just trolling, which would be cruel in a very specific way that targets me, personally
• I really like that I got to type the phrase “confirmed the previous quotes by Ludacris” just now

To answer your question, I… I kind of don’t know. Things start getting weird after space. Like, is time travel on the table? The series has been teetering on the edge of sci-fi for a bit, with its magnet planes and scenes where The Rock removes his own cast by flexing super hard, but… yeah, time travel is probably too much. Maybe Vin Diesel will jump the Grand Canyon in a neon Honda. It’s all very exciting, these unknowns in front of us. And we still don’t know how Han is alive after his death was depicted in multiple movies. Is this a necromancy situation? Did they bring him back with voodoo?

Everything is on the table, in every possible way. It’s thrilling.

AND NOW, THE NEWS

To Italy!

A brown bear dubbed “Papillon” after repeated escapes from its enclosure in Italy was recaptured 42 days after its most recent escape.

Papillon, a 4-year-old male bear officially known as M49, escaped from its enclosure at the Casteller wildlife park in Trentino province July 27 by climbing over three electrified fences and breaking through a barrier of metal bars.

I respect this bear so much.

The bear was returned to Casteller, where officials said work is underway to strengthen the enclosure and prevent future escapes.

“No jail can hold me,” said Papillon the Bear, out loud, in English but with a thick Italian accent (“No jail-a can-a hold me”), in both every daydream I’ve had since reading this story and in the screenplay for a Lion King-style live-action film titled Escape Bear that I will have completed by Sunday evening at the latest.

Papillon had previously escaped twice in 2020. Officials said he was recaptured from a previous escape in April, and the bear escaped again only hours later with a female bear from the park.

And now my screenplay has a love interest. This is all coming together so well. Do you think I should invite him to the premiere, or should I just put out a press release with the date and location and let him figure it out himself. I think he might prefer that option. I have no doubt that my sweet boy Papillon the Bear can figure out how to escape his enclosure again and get from Italy to Hollywood. It’ll be great marketing. And then the story of his journey will be the sequel.

Welcome to the Papillon The Bear Cinematic Universe.