Category: Viral

It’s been three weeks since Cardi B surprised the entertainment world and announced her divorce from Offset. While many thought the Migos rapper was caught cheating again, Cardi B revealed that the reason for their divorce was not infidelity, but rather, it was rooted from the two not seeing eye to eye anymore.

“I just got tired of f*cking arguing. I got tired of not seeing things eye to eye,” she said on Instagram Live last month. “When you feel like it’s just not the same anymore, before you actually get cheated on, I’d rather just leave.” While the two may not be in love anymore, Cardi will certainly not stand to see her now ex-husband attacked on social media as she responded to a pair of fans following their comments about Offset.

According to Complex, fans labeled Offset a “bad man,” a comment that pushed the “WAP” rapper to respond and condemn the label. “He a dumbass not a bad man,” she said in now-deleted tweet. “Cause out of everybody that tried to steal, finesse me into working with their brand for less he got people coming for me with CORRECT CONTRACTS and never ask for a dollar or benefit like every1 else. N****s is n**** but a bad personality he not.”

In another deleted tweet, which People captured, a fan told Cardi “We don’t like offset sis and its our right to drag him when we sit fit,” and that seemed to cross the line for Cardi. “I don’t give a f*ck if you don’t like him,” Cardi said in response to the fan. “I don’t talk to him but you not going to disrespect my child father I will slap the sh*t out of you in curtesy of Kulture ..If he die, go broke, you not the one that’s going to raise my kid & you not the 1 who pays for her sh*t.”

(via Complex and People)

Cardi B is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

On a recent episode of .Wav Radio, Chase B and Travis Scott invited Bryson Tiller to the show to chop it up with them as well as share new music the two artists had in store. While much of the excitement came from the unreleased tracks Scott and Tiller shared, one of which is titled “Blunt Talk” and would be their first song since 2016’s “First Take,” the two also got serious during their discussion and spoke on what it’s like raising Black daughters in today’s unstable climate.

Travis spoke first and said it was extremely important to protect “our young Black daughters” and ensure they are told all the necessary things to navigate the world as safely as possible.

I feel like it’s way more important now to protect our young Black daughters, women. You know what I mean? And making sure they had the knowledge of just how to carry yourself, how to move in this world, how to be strong, how to not even be scared to take that risk on any idea. Jump out on any type of creativity because now more than ever, it’s like they have the vision. You know what I’m saying? Whether it’s for anything a man can do, anything a woman can do. They got the pure vision.

Bryson later chimed in with an answer of his own, revealing how much of a source of inspiration his daughter is to him when it comes to his creative endeavors before revealing his thoughts on the Breonna Taylor shooting, which occurred in his home state of Kentucky.

My daughter’s super creative, man. And she’ll be giving me ideas for crazy stuff. Listen to my music in the studio and vibe with me. It’s crazy what’s going on though, especially back in my hometown. You all know they just calling Louisville the epicenter for what’s going on with Breonna Taylor and everything that happened. And man, I ain’t never seen nothing like it happen in my life. I was just like, “Wow.” I’m 27 years old. I been dealt with racism plenty of times. You know what I mean? Growing up, walking down the street, just normal. It was normal to me

The conversation between Bryson and Travis comes at high points in their respective careers. Bryson is fresh off the release of his third album, Anniversary while Travis just notched another No. 1 single thanks to “Franchise” with Young Thug and MIA. You can listen to the .Wav Radio episode here.

The state of the movie industry continues to be in flux, as many theaters remain closed or extremely limited and many films continue to get pushed back or see digital releases. The latest appears to be an intriguing Pixar film that had already seen its release schedule shuffled around.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Soul will see an exclusive release on Disney+ in time for Christmas Day. This comes after the film was initially pushed to November due to the COVID-19 pandemic. But as theater chains like Regal close their doors and lockdown restrictions remain in place or seem likely to be reinstated as coronavirus case counts remain steady or even rise in hot spots, movies continue heading to streaming services and on-demand rather than risk a theatrical run.

For Disney, the decision to move for a Disney+ release follows it debuting its live-action Mulan to the service, at least initially. But unlike Mulan‘s premium price in addition to the monthly or yearly streaming costs, Soul will apparently be added to the service free of charge.

Unlike Mulan, which carried a premium price of $29.99, Disney+ customers can watch Soul at no extra charge. In markets where the streaming service isn’t available, the film will play on the big screen. Dates are to follow.

“We are thrilled to share Pixar’s spectacular and moving Soul with audiences direct to Disney+ in December,” Walt Disney Co. CEO Bob Chapek said in a statement. “A new original Pixar film is always a special occasion, and this truly heartwarming and humorous story about human connection and finding one’s place in the world will be a treat for families to enjoy together this holiday season.”

The move makes the Pixar film more like Onward, which was in theaters in early March when lockdown measures shuttered theaters. Disney eventually moved the film to Disney+ much earlier than anticipated, one of several movies that saw moves to streaming platforms in the initial months of the pandemic and life in quarantine.

The start of the 2020-21 college basketball season is approaching but, while the Wichita State men’s basketball program will be in search of a 12th consecutive 20-win season, there is reported turmoil surrounding the program’s head coach. CJ Moore and Dana O’Neill of The Athletic bring word of an internal investigation conducted by the university on alleged misconduct by head coach Gregg Marshall.

The report details multiple allegations, with its full text certainly worth a read. One specific allegation involves Marshall and a physical altercation with a player during the 2015-16. The Athletic’s report indicates that former Wichita State player Shaq Morris was chastised during a practice for dirty play, with Marshall using an expletive and shoving Morris in kicking him out of practice before allegedly following him and punching Morris “between the shoulders near his neck.”

In another alleged incident, Marshall “attempted to punch” a Wichita State student, through a car window, after following the student and chiding the individual for utilizing Marshall’s on-campus parking spot without permission.

“I’m aware the university conducted interviews and I fully participated in the process,” Marshall said in a statement to The Athletic. “I look forward to having it wrapped up as I continue to focus my energy on our team.”

Marshall has been the head coach at Wichita State since 2007-08 after arriving from Winthrop. He has led the Shockers to seven NCAA Tournament appearances, including the 2013 Final Four.

The 2020 BET Hip-Hop Awards are a little over two weeks away and while fans will have to wait till then to learn if their favorite acts go home with an award, the award show has already announced one winner for the upcoming award show. Master P will receive the I Am Hip-Hop Award at the BET Hip-Hop Awards on October 27.

The award comes after the network debuted the No Limit Chronicles docuseries earlier this year, one that looked back at the rise of Master P’s No Limit Records. Upon receiving the award, Master P joins Snoop Dogg, Lil Wayne, Rakim, LL Cool J, and Lil Kim as names who have won the honor in the past.

The news comes just a little over a month after Master P shedded light on his “Uncle P’s Louisiana Seasoned” food line, one he claims he created in order to have a food company for Black people by Black people that would also give back to the Black community with each purchase.

“When you look at Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben, a lot of those products are mockeries of African-American people and couldn’t even feed our communities,” Master P said in an interview with CNN. “With Uncle P, the more we make, the more we give. And the only way to give is by owning these products.”

As for the 2020 BET Hip-Hop Awards, the show will be hosted by The 85 South Show’s DC Young Fly, Karlous Miller and Chico Bean while Lil Baby, Big Sean, City Girls, 2 Chainz, Burna Boy, Gucci Mane, Jhene Aiko, Mulatto, and more will perform at the show.

Perhaps when you think of Canadian whisky, your mind doesn’t travel beyond the likes of Crown Royal and Don Draper’s favorite brand, Canadian Club. But there’s a whole world of high-quality whiskeys north of the border just waiting to be discovered. This is especially evident in 2020, thanks to one lesser-known brand that’s seen a lot of press of late.

In a move that definitely raised some eyebrows, a Canadian whisky was named “World Whisky of the Year” in the Jim Murray Whisky Bible. Since then, the whisky scribe has come under fire for his allegedly sexist, certainly sexually charged spirit descriptions. Regardless, Murray’s selection of Alberta Premium Cask Strength Rye is certainly a testament to the expression’s quality.

“It is a bold and earthy whisky with notes of banana, toffee, and light spice,” says Jackie Keogh, bartender at The Lobby Bar at Four Seasons Resort in Orlando. “Alberta Distillery whisky may not be commonly found in the U.S., but it’s of such high quality that it’s is used in the Whistle Pig 10 year. If you are seeking a new and bold adventure for your palate, then this is the whisky to try.”

After you try the Alberta rye, you’re sure to crave more suggestions from our northern neighbors. To help in that aim, we asked a few bartenders for help. Check their picks for the best Canadian whiskeys to discover this fall below.

Gooderham & Worts Four Grain Whisky

Peter Fielder, bartender at Wingtip Club in San Francisco

Gooderham & Worts Four Grain Whisky. Because it has been recently released in the U.S., the mash bill includes rye and wheat (rarely seen together) and the higher 88 proof gives it substance.

Black Velvet 8 Year

Karla Green, bartender at ON3 in Louisville, Kentucky

Black Velvet 8 year is an aged Canadian whisky worth checking out.

Black Velvet is a household name in the whisky world, but even I, a two-decade veteran in hospitality, was shocked to learn they had an aged expression. This blended whisky is surprisingly smooth, and, yes, velvety. As I’ve expanded my taste buds, I’ve become more curious and also impressed at the quality of “priced-right” labels.

Forty Creek Barrel Select

Jarred Craven, founder of Craven Cocktails and USBG bartender in Los Angeles

There are many quality Canadian whiskies available, but if you want one a little off the beaten path you should check out Forty Creek Barrel Select. The flavor profile isn’t going to blow your mind, but you can find it for around $20. That makes it a great way to explore some other Canadian whisky options to see if it’s an area you’d like to dig into further.

Alberta Dark Batch Rye

Jackie Keogh, bartender at The Lobby Bar at Four Seasons Resort in Orlando

Alberta Distillery is the oldest distillery in Western Canada and produces some of the finest 100% rye whisky around. Their philosophy starts with the quality of ingredients and the belief that ranch hands deserve to drink great whisky at a great price. The prairie grains are sourced by local farmers and blended with the highest quality water from the snow-capped Rocky Mountains.

Caribou Crossing

Carlos Lopez, bar manager at Stiltsville Fish Bar in Miami

Caribou Crossing, a Sazerac brand product. It’s pricier than your average Canadian whisky but worth every drop. This award-winning, single barrel whisky is rich, smooth, and highlighted by hints of honey and vanilla.

Collingwood

Jess Thorson, bartender at TORO Kitchen & Lounge in Snowmass, Colorado

Collingwood. It is great for any cocktail and is affordable compared to other whiskies of similar quality. This blended whisky is first aged in oak barrels before being rested in a vat with Maplewood staves. The result of an extremely mellow, rich whisky with hints of maple syrup, caramel, and vanilla.

J.P. Wiser’s Deluxe

Zach Wilks, bartender at Anthony’s Chophouse in Carmel, Indiana

J.P. Wiser’s Deluxe is a killer bottle that is made at the old Hiram Walker distillery in Windsor. Canadian whiskey is interesting to me as often all of the grains are mashed, fermented, and distilled separately and that gives the blender a lot of control over the final flavor profile in the bottle.

Lot 40 Rye

Frederic Yarm, USBG bartender in Boston

Lot 40 is an amazing whisky made with 100% rye in the mash bill for plenty of grain-derived spice that is balanced by toffee, vanilla, and dark fruit notes from the long aging in wood.

Pendleton

Andy Printy, beverage director at Chao Baan in St. Louis

Pendleton Canadian Whisky should be more known than it is. Light body and hints of vanilla and custard give way to a more robust finish of oak and baking spice. Light and clean, with just enough barrel to finish like an American style whiskey.

Writer’s Pick:

Pike Creek

This complex whisky is first aged in Hiram Walker’s Canadian Club barrels before being rested in ex-port casks. The result is a sweet, rich whisky with hints of dried fruits, caramel, and vanilla.

After being forced to alter their festival plans for 2020, just as many other showcases were forced to do, Afropunk has returned with the details for their musical showcase. Opting to go virtual for this year’s festival, Afropunk announced their 2020 iteration, which is going under the name of Planet Afropunk, will return during the weekend of October 23-25. Fans who tune into the livestream can expect to see performances from Smino, Masego, Ari Lennox, Mereba, Moses Sumney, Duckwrth, Tiana Major9, Tiwa Savage, Tobe Nwigwe, and more at this year’s festival. The festival will also see Amanda Seales and Dulcé Sloan of The Daily Show with Trevor Noah appear as speakers.

Sharing the new lineup to their Instagram page, the festival’s promoters shared a message with fans that hoped to ramp up excitement for Planet Afropunk.

This year’s festival holds a very special place in our hearts. While we will convene during one of the most uncertain of times we trust that this global uncertainty will connect us deeper than ever before.
While the thought of losing some things (like mosh pits) at this year’s festival due its digital form hurts we know that what is gained is just as beautiful.

Afropunk also revealed that all of its festivals, which includes Afropunk Brooklyn, Afropunk Paris, Afropunk Atlanta, and Afropunk London, will all come together as one for the Planet Afropunk festival. “For the first time our entire global community will be in the same room. We get to witness artists from each other’s hometowns all together. The power of music is to unite, and we get to take it one step forward.”

Welcome to Wednesday Night’s Alright, my Uproxx Sports column where we compare AEW Dynamite and WWE NXT, the two shows that air on the best night of the week for wrestling. This week saw the return of Ember Moon to the NXT ring, and a brutal AEW dog collar match with a surprising finish.

Best Segment: Gargano World

I have mixed feelings about Johnny Gargano. He seems like a chill dude in real life, and he plays a great heel. On the other hand, I’m still burnt out from his year or so of hour-long TakeOver matches, to the point that I have a hard time connecting with his matches regardless of length. Candice, on the other hand, they never gave us a chance to get burnt out on, so I’m still all in on her. But the two of them playing heels together has been a lot of fun, and nothing beats them walking their dog in their suburban neighborhood in matching pink and blue track suits. It’s delightful.

Indi Hartwell giving them a TV just to make a point to Candice is also interesting. I love Johnny putting her down as soon as he hears her name, and then changing his tune as soon as he finds out she bought them a TV. And I’m interested to see where this leads for her and Candice. Hartwell seems to have a lot of potential, and my Australian friend who knows her from the indies is a huge fan, so that bodes well. And if Candice finds a friend, possibly a tag partner, who aligns with her current worldview and is just as mean as she is these days, how will that sit with Johnny?

Runners Up

Jon Moxley sat in a bar and cut a promo on Lance Archer, which was good, as he always is. I loved how he talked about Archer stalking him across the globe, like it took a lot of investigating to figure out where he was after he debuted on Double Or Nothing last year. I also enjoy Jon’s fatalism, how unbothered he seems by the possibility of losing to Lance. Of course, I don’t think he will lose to Lance. I think he’ll probably lose to Kenny, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Only Chuck Taylor and Trent could make a whole thing about calling their rivals “weenies.” It’s the sort of playground nonsense insult you’d expect from the company that brought you “suffering succotash” and “tater tots,” but the way the Best Friends are playing it like that just makes it more insulting to FTR, and honestly it kind of does. After all, the photoshopped hot dog costumes aren’t that much worse than what WWE supposedly wanted to dress them in before they left. This is the kind of thing FTR came here to escape, in other words, but the Best Friends keep dogging them with it. And as much as I love Chuck and Trent, I’m ready to watch Dax and Cash beat the ever-living hell out of them next week, so let’s go.

Finally, the show ended with MJF interrupting Chris Jericho’s 30th Anniversary Celebration to give him a present, which turned out to be a clown holding a framed poster of MJF. This came after a match that seemed unworthy of the occasion—I’m sorry, but the second most interesting wrestler in that match after Jericho was Serpentico, and I don’t even know anything about that guy—and it almost made up for it. When Jericho smashed the picture of the clown’s head, I thought maybe he was going to tell MJF that having spent 30 years as a pro wrestler, he really thinks that’s what framed pictures are for. Jericho and MJF’s polite passive-aggression is still fun, but I think it needs to reach another stage pretty soon.

Most Exciting Upcoming Show: Halloween Havoc

As part of WWE’s ongoing quest to use all the WCW trademarks so Cody can’t get his hands on them, they’re doing Halloween Havoc in three weeks. It’s just a special episode of NXT instead of a TakeOver, but it makes up for that by being hosted by Shotzi Blackheart, who is absolutely the perfect choice. I do hope, and I think the odds are pretty good in this pandemic era, that they make some real effort to set the Halloween mood beyond just whatever Shotzi does. I want to see a graveyard set up around the entrance ramp, and hopefully they’ll do that Halloween costume battle royal they usually do at the NXT House Show closest to Halloween (since House Shows aren’t a thing anymore, it’s their only chance to dress up). Basically I want costumes and decorations and candy, and I want Shotzi to be dressed as a different monster every time she comes out. Is that too much to ask?

Runners Up

AEW Dynamite is officially celebrating its first anniversary with next week’s episode. It’s really exciting that they’ve been on the air for a year, but I’m more excited by the occasion itself than what they’ll be doing for it, which seems to be just “Dynamite but with bigger matches” which they do at least once a month. I’m sure it’s going to be a good episode, but it’s not going to be a costume party. Plus it will only have one women’s match.

Best Promo: Kenny Omega

Kenny Omega talking about being in the upcoming tournament for Number One Contendership isn’t much, but it does give us a closeup look at new jerk-ass Kenny, which is more insight than the Young Bucks just showing up and superkicking whoever’s standing there (a cameraman this week). So let me speculate for a minute: The Young Bucks are definitely heels who kick people for no reason. Omega’s talking like a heel but hasn’t really done much yet. And Cody specifically promised us this week that he’s not turning heel, even though he came back with dark hair and dark clothes and immediately won back the title he’d just lost on the show he helps run.

So maybe Kenny beats the hell out of Hangman in the tournament, then takes the World Championship off of Moxley, then Cody turns heel and the two of them reunite with the Bucks as a new Heel Elite. Things totally seem pointed in this direction, right? Cody can say he’s still a good guy, but he literally launched this company by visually promising not to become Triple H, and here he is booking himself to beat everybody. You can’t pretend that’s not happening for long.

Runners Up

Ember Moon opened NXT with an endearing promo about being back and not letting anyone stand in her way. It’s dorky, but she’s very up front about that. She’s not pretending to be a War Goddess Werewolf anymore, which I think is a better choice for her. Just be Ember. Or Athena. Adrienne. Be yourself, is what I’m trying to say here. WWE’s never going to let you actually be magical anyway, so you’re better off just being a person. Inevitably, she’s interrupted by Io Shirari, who’s interrupted by Rhea Ripley, who’s interrupted by an attack from Dakota Kai and Raquel Gonzalez. It’s the sort of thing that happens on Raw a lot, but at least it seems less annoying with a shorter ramp.

Dakota and Raquel get a chance to explain themselves later on backstage. Raquel’s excited to get any chance at Rhea Ripley, clearly, and Dakota has no patience for Ember showing up and demanding things that she thinks she deserves. It’s standard heel stuff, but these girls are good at it.

Cameron Grimes has a quick backstage moment to explain his attack Dexter Lumis, but what he says is nothing compared to how good he is at walking and then turning around when you hear his name. Just with his walk and his face, he can make you want to watch him get punched real hard. That’s a natural heel, that is.

Best Match: Brian Cage vs Will Hobbs

Probably a dark horse choice, I realize. But while there was some wild stuff that happened this week, there was also this fantastic wrestling match between two guys who are built like Masters of the Universe action figures and never seem to get tired or slow down. They went hard at each other for nine minutes, with not a rest hold in sight. This definitely got me excited for more Will Hobbs, much more so than weeks of him being one of Jon Moxley’s only two friends. So I’m glad he doesn’t seem interested in joining Team Taz. I like him as a big beefy babyface, and the bit commentary revealed about his brother helps with that, as long as they don’t overplay it. Anyway, my larger point is that sometimes I’d rather watch a very good wrestling match than two guys in dog collars trying to kill each other with a chain (although that’s good too).

Runners Up

TH2 had a strong match with FTR, although it mostly served to set up the Best Friends segment. TH2 are great wrestlers, and it seems like they could be doing more than this, but I guess this is a necessary role in every story.

I really enjoyed Serena Deeb and Big Swole, although it was too short and had a long commercial break in the middle (an AEW women’s match, in other words). I’ve talked a bunch about how I hope AEW uses Serena as a trainer, but this reminded me that she’s also still really great in the ring, and could totally have a run as Women’s Champion before she gets too tied up with training. I always enjoy Big Swole as well, but there’s no denying being in the ring with a veteran like Deeb elevates her to a whole other level.

Kushida vs Tommaso Ciampa had a match that would have been a best of the week contender if that guy nobody likes hadn’t shown up and ruin the ending. Go away, Dream, nobody likes your style.

The Main Event of NXT was Dakota Kai and Raquel Gonzalez versus Ember Moon and Rhea Ripley, and it was a pretty good way to bring Ember back into the ring. She’s not as smooth as I’d like her to be, but I’m sure that will come back with time. Considering her return never leaked, you have to assume she hasn’t been in the Performance Center (or wherever NXT trains these days) in a while, so she’s still got some ring rust to work through. Fortunately she was sharing the match with two of the absolute best NXT have plus the very promising Raquel Gonzalez.

So, about that Dog Collar Match. First of all, they had Greg “the Hammer” Valentine in the audience, looking like one of the witches from The Lords of Salem, to remind everybody about his match with Roddy Piper at the first Starrcade. AKA the one Dog Collar Match lots of people who are still alive might have seen, or at least can look up on a Network that shall remain nameless.

I was right that the brutality of the gimmick worked great for Brodie Lee, and that it’s exactly the kind of old school thing Cody loves doing. What I didn’t see coming was the brutality Cody would find within himself by the end, when he wrapped up Brodie’s face like some kind of chain-mummy before hitting that final Crossroads. I wish Brodie Lee could have kept the belt for longer, but I can’t really object to the finish. Between the use of that chain and how much commentary put over Cody working out and bulking up since his loss, it all made sense. I just hope the Dark Order and Mister Brodie still have good things to do coming out of this story.

That’s all for this week. Join me next time, for the AEW Anniversary Show and whatever big matches NXT runs to try and compete with it.

When the NFL announced that they were going to be trying to proceed with the schedule as it normally is this season, it raised some eyebrows, and five weeks into the season it’s creating some problems as well.

Much like in baseball, where they had to make massive changes in the wake of outbreaks on the Marlins and Cardinals, the NFL is dealing with its own issues with the Titans and Patriots. However, unlike baseball, doubleheaders aren’t an option for the NFL and by not having the foresight to schedule in some extra bye weeks to make up for the possibility of teams not being able to play due to internal outbreaks. As such, they’ve already seen the Titans have to miss a week of action due to positive tests, with their game with the Steelers being rescheduled for Week 7 — and Pittsburgh’s game with Baltimore flipped to Week 8 to take advantage of the bye weeks those two had.

However, as the Titans have had more positive tests this week, with the league investigating player-organized workouts when they were supposed to be staying at home, and the Patriots likewise seeing Stephon Gilmore test positive after Cam Newton was forced out of action this weekend — with their game against Kansas City pushed to Monday — the league is scrambling once again to figure out the schedule. According to ESPN’s Adam Schefter, the Titans and Bills game scheduled for Sunday is being pushed all the way to Tuesday, which would move the Bills-Chiefs game on Thursday to Sunday of Week 6.

That is all incumbent on the Titans not having more positives, which could cause another postponement and move Bills-Chiefs back to Thursday. As for the Patriots game against the Broncos, there is a report from Mike Klis out of Denver that the league is exploring pushing that game to Monday night once again.

The Patriots are still not practicing, while they continue to have more tests that have, thus far, come back negative thankfully.

Like so many other entities, the league is putting the onus on the players to not contract the virus and pushing the blame to them for it, when they should’ve had a more complete plan in place to handle these situations that were almost inevitable with rosters as big as they are in the NFL and teams traveling from city to city. They did a great job of keeping things under control in training camp, but the ease with which the virus can travel through a locker room once one case pops up requires swift action and the ability to shut things down so you can do enough testing to know you don’t have an outbreak.

The issue with the NFL’s plan is how reactionary it is, with players being able to play so long as they continue testing negative, not accounting for the fact that the incubation period for the virus can be up to six days before it shows up on a test (see: everything happening at the White House). As such, you can have players test negative, play in a game, and then test positive, like Gilmore, and you suddenly put the entire team, plus their opponent, at risk. Had the NFL pushed its season out a bit longer and built in two extra bye weeks to allow for easier rescheduling of games and for teams to shut things down once cases popped up, they likely would’ve been in a better position for a situation such as this.

Instead, they’re scrambling to make things happen and working off of hope that they can get through this without more teams having these same issues. Everyone is hoping that’s the case, but hope isn’t a good enough plan. Someone had to be willing to admit the possibility of this happening and build in some added cushion, because teams ending up with a couple extra weeks off is a better outcome than having to rewrite your schedule each week and try pushing games into the middle of the week.

The day after the 2016 election, I started rewatching The West Wing on Netflix. I guess I wanted to keep a sane, if somewhat idealized, version of the presidency and the White House within my vision. Martin Sheen as the down-to-earth yet dignified and devout President Jed Bartlett has comforted me since the series first aired, and the cast of characters serving in his cabinet almost feel like familiar old friends.

So when a friend shared a fanfic-style 2020 West Wing scene, I was intrigued. By the time I finished it, I was highly impressed and thoroughly delighted.

Los Angeles-based TV writer Jelena Woehr posted the script in a Twitter thread last week, the day Trump was diagnosed with COVID-19. The scene opens with former President Bartlett obviously just reading the news of the diagnosis and telling his wife Abby about it. The phone conversations that ensue are remarkably true to the show’s writing and characters—like, you can actually hear their voices as you read it. Woehr nails the show so thoroughly it’s almost spooky.

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Here’s Woehr’s whole WW2020 thread, shared directly as written. Enjoy.

JED BARTLETT: *peering at news* Abby, did you see this?

ABBY: don’t get your blood pressure up. it’s not your concern anymore.

JED: well, of course it is. can’t a man be interested in current events?

ABBY: just tell me you won’t call–

JED: get Toby on the phone, will you?

TOBY: yes, sir, I’ve heard.

JED: do you think he’s faking it?

TOBY: no, sir, I don’t. I don’t think his ego would allow it.

JED: should I make a statement?

TOBY: what kind of statement, sir?

JED: I don’t know. “I told you so?”

TOBY: no, I don’t think you should say that.

JED: have you talked to C.J.?

TOBY: I called, but she was dancing barefoot on the lawn under the full moon. she hung up on me.

JED: *snort* WOMEN.

ABBY: *clears throat*

JED: what I meant to say was, have you spoken to Sam?

TOBY: on the other line, sir. I’ll merge the calls.

SAM: good evening, sir. how are you feeling?

JED: I’m married to a doctor. I’m feeling nostalgic for the outdoors.

TOBY: the president thinks he should make a statement.

SAM: don’t say “I told you so.”

JED: I wasn’t going to.

TOBY: *cough*

JED: I might have considered it.

TOBY: sir, CJ’s calling. should I merge her in?

JED: yes, for god’s sake.

CJ: (out of breath) good evening, sir.

JED: I heard you were dancing.

CJ: a little bit, sir.

JED: did you do the jackal?

CJ: It’s the WAP now, sir.

JED: I hope the P stands for “Pope.”

CJ: no, sir

JED: CJ, don’t you think it’s somewhat unseemly to dance when a man has contracted a dangerous virus?

CJ: can the First Lady hear me?

ABBY: I’m here.

CJ: Mrs. Bartlett, do you have some sort of music-playing device with you? I want you to look up an artist named Megan–

SAM: Abby, don’t do what she’s telling you to do.

ABBY: that’s Dr. Bartlett. I’m looking, CJ.

JED: I believe we were talking about me.

TOBY: yes, sir. a statement. I still think it’s a bad idea.

SAM: there’s nothing to say that won’t sound vindictive or false.

JED: what if I’m feeling vindictive?

TOBY: then that’s all the more reason not to say anything.

JED: god, you lily-livered intellectual elites pain me sometimes.

TOBY: sir, you’re a Nobel laureate.

JED: get Ainsley on the phone.

CJ: you know who she works for now, right?

AINSLEY: good evening, Mr. President. I imagine you’re calling to gloat?

JED: you have a vivid imagination.

TOBY: he’s calling for advice. he thinks he should make a statement.

AINSLEY: sir, I work for the Lincoln Project. I don’t think it’s right I advise you.

SAM: I do.

TOBY: you do?

SAM: sure. we’re on the same team on this one.

AINSLEY: your making a statement might benefit us, and not you.

JED: what benefit am I worried about? I’m retired.

ABBY: your legacy.

JED: is secure.

ABBY: your children.

JED: are rich, grown, and happy.

SAM: he’s thinking of saying “I told you so.”

JED: it was just a first draft. Toby will write the real thing.

AINSLEY: you shouldn’t appear vindictive.

SAM: that’s what I said.

AINSLEY: something statesmanlike.

JED: I’ve been statesmanlike this whole time. I wore a mask.

ABBY: I made you wear a mask.

JED: Dr. Bartlett made me wear a mask. and in statesmanlike fashion, I obeyed my wife.

CJ: where are you planning to place this statement?

JED: I don’t know. I hear Chuck Grassley found a messenger pigeon.

TOBY: the pigeon was dead, sir.

JED: oh. well I suppose it’s not very good at its job, then.

TOBY: about as good as the postal service these days, sir.

JED: where would you suggest placing the statement, CJ?

CJ: I could give it to Danny.

JED: isn’t he retired?

CJ: semi-retired. he freelances.

JED: Danny, then. all right. we can give it to Danny. Ainsley, what should I say?

AINSLEY: should I bring George in on this?

JED: Conway? no. he’s a nincompoop. blows this way and that with the wind.

TOBY: well said, sir.

JED: I want your opinion, Ainsley, not your bosses’.

AINSLEY: well, I think you should say that although you disagree on many things, you know what it’s like to experience an illness in office.

JED: that’s soft. you don’t want me to be soft on the guy.

SAM: it’s smart, sir. never interrupt your opponent when he’s losing votes.

TOBY: he’s not our opponent. we don’t have an opponent. if we had an opponent, Josh would be on this call!

JED: good point. Toby, get Josh on the call.

CJ: sir, Josh is–

JED: In Portland, yes. they have phones in anarchist jurisdictions, right?

TOBY: he’s in jail, sir.

JED: an actual jail?

TOBY: as opposed to what kind?

JED: I don’t know. some sort of mock U.N. thing, for kids.

AINSLEY: please don’t put anything about mock jails in the statement, Mr. President.

SAM: why didn’t Josh call me? I should be his phone call.

TOBY: he called me.

SAM: I’m his attorney!

TOBY: well, maybe he doesn’t want to get out of jail just yet.

JED: I can’t still pardon him, can I?

TOBY: no, sir.

JED: God, I miss it sometimes.

CJ: the presidency, sir?

JED: just the part where I could tell all of you to shut up and make it stick.

JOSH: good evening, sir.

JED: I thought you were in jail.

JOSH: I am in jail, sir. what can I do for you?

CJ: while Toby and Sam were busy arguing about who Josh should have called, I called the jail and asked for Josh.

JED: Josh, should I make a statement or not?

JOSH: you should make one rip-roaring hell of a statement.

JED: should I say “I told you so?”

JOSH: did you tell him so?

JED: I tried. he wouldn’t return my calls.

JOSH: then no, that’s lying.

JED: and you’re going to tell me I only get to do that while in office, I suppose.

CJ: what if you just send your well-wishes to the youngest one?

JED: the tall one?

CJ: is that a dig at me?

TOBY: he really is quite tall.

AINSLEY: he’s a child, sir. don’t bring him in.

JOSH: well-wishes are “bringing him in?”

AINSLEY: in a statement to the press? yes.

JED: I suppose you’re right. I won’t wish him well. in fact, I’ll wish him nothing at all.

TOBY: you could say you’re feeling fortunate to have been well-advised while in office by health experts, including the First Lady.

JOSH: that’ll just bring up M.S. comparisons.

SAM: how about you don’t say anything about him at all?

TOBY: make it about the American people.

SAM: in a time of crisis—

CJ: *snorts* it’s not a crisis, it’s the first good news this year.

SAM: in a time of great uncertainty…

TOBY: a time of yearning for stability…

SAM: …a time when America, stuck in a beleaguered present, longs for a mythical past and a promised future…

TOBY: …it is clearer now than ever that today’s challenges shape tomorrow’s opportunities.

SAM: …as a nation, we grieve deeply together, and we rise together.

TOBY: and—bear with me, sir—today’s unprecedented trials remind me that America has yet to keep her founding promises to her citizens.

SAM: liberty. equality. prosperity. for too many American families, these ideals remain out of reach.

TOBY: my time to lead has passed.

SAM: today, I am proud to follow a new generation—a rising force that fights for what it believes in.

JOSH: hey. still in jail for fighting for what I believe in over here.

ABBY: maybe you’re an honorary youth?

TOBY: we’re riffing. please don’t interrupt when we’re riffing.

ABBY: that’s “please don’t interrupt, DR. Bartlett.”

TOBY: yes, ma’am.

JED: say something about my children. Zoe’s doing such great work at that awful socialist rag.

SAM: I am inspired most of all by my daughters, fearless in their devotion to their values and their nation.

TOBY: my time in the oval office affords me a unique vantage point from which to observe today’s trials and tribulations.

SAM: and what I’ve observed most keenly is the unquenchable spirit of human kindness.

TOBY: presidents don’t save lives. nurses and teachers do.

SAM: so when you ask me if I think the country can survive this current crisis?

TOBY: I think a country is not so much defined by those with the most power, but by those with the least.

SAM: the real business of America takes place not in the Oval Office, but in classrooms.

TOBY: and on street corners, where too many Americans, too many veterans, sleep at night.

SAM: and in the streets, where our youth are proud to march together and call for change.

TOBY: I know my successor in the White House will receive the best medical care in the world.

SAM: I only hope that—with the leadership of more citizens, and fewer politicians—there will come a day when I can say the same of every single mother, every newborn child, and every senior citizen.

TOBY: add a God Bless America, and you’re done.

JED: CJ, did you get all that?

CJ: huh?

ABBY: you really should see this video CJ is showing me. it’s really something. you say *you* did that dance?

CJ: well, not quite like they do it.

JED: please tell me someone wrote all that down.

AINSLEY: I did, sir. on tape.

JED: of course. the republican.

JOSH: you can’t record this. you’re in a two-party state.

AINSLEY: relax, I’m joking. I just took notes. I’ll type them up for you.

JED: should I add something in about voting?

CJ: sir, if anyone hasn’t decided whether or not to vote by this time, you won’t sway them.

JED: so that’s it. that’s the statement. no well-wishes, but no I-told-you-so.

TOBY: that’s the statement.

JED: Zoe will ask why I didn’t give it to her.

CJ: you can’t give Jacobin an exclusive, sir.

JED: well why the hell not?

CJ: because I already texted Danny.

JED: fine. we’ll give it to Danny. but if there’s any followup, Zoe gets it.

JOSH: you just called her publication a “socialist rag.”

JED: and? she may be redder than a baboon’s behind, but she’s my daughter.

ABBY: Jed!

AINSLEY: it’s okay, Ma’am. Presidents are coarse now.

JED: see? even the republican is on my side.

AINSLEY: we have very few decent sides to be on these days, sir.

JED: give that nutter Conway my regards. and trip his wife down the stairs for me, will you?

TOBY: you’ll send CJ the final language?

AINSLEY: already did.

JED: excellent. now, if there’s nothing else to do, I’m going back to bed.

SAM: sir, Josh is still in jail.

JED: call a nurse or a teacher to get him out. politicians and intellectuals are passé.

ABBY: wait! CJ, don’t hang up. I need to know how to get one of these leotards.

CJ: planning to learn the WAP, ma’am?

JED: good-NIGHT everyone. *hangs up phone*

ABBY: I wasn’t done!

JED: you don’t secretly hate Christmas or anything, do you?

ABBY: You know I love Christmas.

JED: Let’s go upstairs, Dr. Bartlett.

ABBY: Lead the way, Mr. President.

I feel like we need a “The End” here.

Seriously, though, wasn’t that remarkable and delightful? Woehr has gotten a lot of well-deserved attention and praise for the imaginary reboot and says she’s planning more for people who loved the thread. (Also, here’s her LinkedIn profile because somebody in television seriously needs to hire her.)

Thanks for bringing a bit of The West Wing into the craziest part of 2020, Jelena! It’s the levity and inspiration we didn’t know we needed.