Following the success of Big Daddy, his third movie in a row to gross over $100 million, star-friendly studio Sony offered Adam Sandler his own production company: Happy Madison, named after his breakout comedies Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore.

Sandler’s hot streak continued for years to come (between 1999 and 2011, only one live-action comedy he starred in, Little Nicky, failed to cross the $100 million barrier). It also allowed him to work with his buddies, including, for better or worse, Rob Schneider, Kevin James, Allen Covert, and David Spade, whose new movie, The Wrong Missy, came out on Netflix this week. Despite an enjoyably unhinged performance from Comedy Bang Bang favorite Lauren Lapkus, The Wrong Missy does not appear on this list of the best Happy Madison movies. Maybe it’s because I’m a Sandler apologist, and because I love one-star movies that I enjoy like a five-star movie, but it was tough only choosing 10 titles from the filmography, which dates back to Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (also not on the list). I was already leaving off The Master of Disguise. No, really.

Ready to begin? Terrific.

10. Grandma’s Boy

Grandma’s Boy might be the most Happy Madison ever. Look at that image! It’s two unconventional male leads in their 30s, one of whom is dating a woman ridiculously out of his league, smoking pot and playing video games next to a monkey. This, I should say, is not a bad thing. Some of the best Happy Madison are supremely stupid, and Grandma’s Boy is very, very dumb. It stars Allen Covert as the titular grandma’s boy, a video game tester who lives with his grandmother and her friends after being kicked out of his house because his roommate spent the rent money on sex workers. Grandma’s Boy uses a different word to describe their profession, just one of many well-meaning, but lightly problematic things throughout the film (the racial politics: not great!). But it has the always-wonderful Linda Cardellini singing “Push It,” which forgives a lot of sins.

9. Sandy Wexler

One of my favorite things about Happy Madison movies is the random collection of people in the cast (Taylor Lautner, Steve Buscemi, and Vanilla Ice? You do you, The Ridiculous 6.). I mean, would you say “no” to Adam Sandler. For instance, here’s the cameo list for Sandy Wexler, my favorite of Sandler’s straight-to-Netflix movies:

Jewel, Darius Rucker, Jason Priestley, Gary Dell’Abate, Arsenio Hall, Quincy Jones, Judd Apatow, Janeane Garofalo, Pauly Shore, Kevin Nealon, Lorne Michaels, Dana Carvey, Chris Rock, David Spade, George Wendt, Penn Jillette, Henry Winkler, Tony Orlando, Al B. Sure!, Brian McKnight, Vanilla Ice, Jimmy Kimmel, Conan O’Brien, Louie Anderson, “Weird Al” Yankovic, Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds, Mason “Ma$e” Betha, Jay Leno, Lisa Loeb, Jon Lovitz, Budd Friedman and his wife Alix Friedman… Mike Judge makes a vocal cameo as Beavis and Butt-Head during the end credits. Professional wrestlers Rikishi and David Otunga have brief roles.

That is a wild assortment of vaguely to extremely famous people. Imagine the wrap party, with Conan and Jay Leno breaking Panera-catered bread, Henry Winkler talking about fish with Pauly Shore, Hootie and Jewel remembering the 1990s. Oh, to be a fly in that hypothetical scenario. Cast aside, though, Sandy Wexler is better than The Ridiculous 6, The Week Of (which has its moments), The Do-Over (which doesn’t), and Murder Mystery because, as Vulture‘s Jesse David Fox wrote in his extremely thorough Sandler ranking, “the plot is just him going from one of his friends to the next and laughing at the ridiculous characters they’re doing.” Sandy Wexler isn’t a passion project in the traditional sense, but it’s a project full of passion for entertaining oddballs. It’s the most heartfelt of Sandler’s Netflix offerings, and maybe his entire filmography.

8. Click

Before writing this post, if you had asked me where I was going to rank Click, I would have said top five, easily. Maybe even in the top three. Then I re-watched Click for the first time in years, and unfortunately, it’s not as good as I remember. Even for a Happy Madison movie, there’s a lot of fat-shaming and gay jokes (at least Little Nicky had the “excuse” of coming out in the 1990s), and schlubby family-man sentimentality is never a good fit for Sandler. But Click has one genuinely terrific performance. No, it’s not that punk O’Doyle kid, seen for the first time since Billy Madison. It’s Christopher Walken as the mad scientist/angel of death who hands Sandler the universal remote control, in that it’s a remote that controls the universe (get it?). He leans into the character’s punctuated weirdness, delivering lines like “he’s always chasing the pot of gold, but when he gets there, at the end of the day, it’s just Corn Flakes” with an inspired specificity.

Another good thing about Click:

I love films.

7. 50 First Dates

Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore have made three movies together: The Wedding Singer, which is great; Blended, which is very bad; and 50 First Dates, which is… fine.

It’s maybe the movie on this list I’ve seen the most often, because it’s always on TV, but the repetition does the romantic-comedy no favors. Sandler and Barrymore are cute together, but it’s tough to not question the premise, with Sandler’s Henry having to convince Barrymore’s Lucy to repeatedly fall in love with him after a car crash leaves her waking up every morning with no memories of anything that happened after the accident. The ending, which is supposed to be sweet but comes off creepy, is particularly uncomfortable: a confused Lucy wakes up on a boat, married to a man she doesn’t know with a daughter she doesn’t remember. But it’s to Sandler and Barrymore’s credit that they’re so likable together, they mostly pull this horror movie premise off.

6. Little Nicky

Little Nicky somehow looks both extremely expensive and hilariously cheap, which works in its favor. It’s a ramshackle affair about one of Satan’s three sons, Nicky (Sandler), traveling to Earth to trap his escaped brothers Adrian and Cassius (Rhys Ifans and Tommy “Tiny” Lister Jr.) in a silver flask, so the frozen gates of Hell can re-open… and their dad (Harvey Keitel) will stop disappearing… and also Nicky falls in love with Patricia Arquette… and Kevin Nealon has boobs on his head… and Dana Carvey plays a shrill-voiced basketball referee. It’s a lot, but it’s also nothing, a series of barely-connected sketches that, frankly, I find it hilarious. If the Devil showing a pineapple up Hitler’s butt (crown-side first!) is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

5. Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill is the “chaotic energy” of movies. I mean:

In order, we have Adam Sandler, as Jill, thinking Skype is an anti-Semitic joke, which is barely a joke; Adam Sandler, as Jill, squishing a small horse; Shaquille O’Neal in a ham commercial; Adam Sandler, as Jill, waving at a shirtless Adam Sandler, as Jack, while she’s sitting on the toilet; Johnny Depp wearing a Justin Bieber shirt at a Lakers game next to an in-disguise Al Pacino; Adam Sandler, as Jill, talking to Jared Fogle (uh oh!) at a party; Al Pacino interrupting his own play to brag that he can “smell horny” from across the ocean; and the I Think You Should Leave car guy. The only thing crazier than the plot of this movie — where Adam Sandler plays fraternal twins Jack and Jill, including a scene where (to quote one of my favorite Letterboxd reviews ever) “Al Pacino wants to bang woman Adam Sandler but woman Adam Sandler doesn’t want to bang him back so man Adam Sandler bangs him” — is that it made $150 million at the box office. Game Night, a fellow studio comedy, was a considered huge hit in 2018, and it only made $117.7 million. Is Jack and Jill a good movie? No, of course not, but it’s laudably bonkers, and Sandler’s commitment to making Jill as annoying as possible is fascinating in some perverse weird way. Plus, it has the Dunkaccino rap, which I’m forever thankful.

Jack and Jill?

4. Mr. Deeds / Anger Management

I’m sorry, but I can’t separate the two. Not that they have much in common, other than coming out within a year of each other and making a ton of money, but they’re both in that “pretty good, but could have been better with some tweaks” area.

– The good in Deeds: Winona Ryder; the “Space Oddity” scene; “sneaky sneaky.”
– The bad in Deeds: the foot scene; the child abuse; making Peter Gallagher a bad guy.
– The good in Anger: JACK NICHOLSON.
– The bad in Anger: Rudy Giuliani (Sandler had some problematic favs).

I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch either Mr. Deeds or Anger Management, but I wouldn’t click to another channel if I saw either playing at 3 p.m. on a Sunday.

3. The House Bunny

The House Bunny is my Legally Blonde. That is not a knock on Legally Blonde, a very good movie; it’s a compliment for The House Bunny. Both films have blonde female protagonists who aren’t taken seriously because of the way they look, but where Elle Woods must convince the stuffed-shirts at Harvard Law School that she’s worthy of being a lawyer, The House Bunny is about a former-Playboy Bunny who becomes the house mother for the least popular sorority on campus. It’s low stakes, but that’s exactly what I like it about. There’s a lot you could read into The House Bunny, about ageism, and sexism, and don’t judge a book by its cover, but to the movie’s credit, I don’t think it’s aiming for messages. It’s an entertaining farce, anchored by a never-better Anna Faris and future-stars Emma Stone and Kat Dennings. “Instead of the Mahi-Mahi, can I get just the one Mahi, because I’m not that hungry?” is just funny, y’know?

2. Funny People

Funny People might be Adam Sandler’s definitive performance. More than Happy Gilmore, more than Punch Drunk Love, more than even Uncut Gems.

He’s extraordinary as George Simmons, a movie star making shitty-but-successful comedies like MerMan who returns to stand-up comedy when he’s diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia, channeling the rage that’s simmering beneath the surface of most of his characters and his every-man likability. Seth Rogen, too, gives a top-tier showing as Ira Wright, who’s hired by George to write jokes for him as they tour the country; I’d say it’s surprising, but Rogen has long been an underrated actor. Funny People suffers from many of the same problems as director Judd Apatow’s other films, particularly the excessive run time, but there’s an honesty to it, full of joy and anger and sadness, that you don’t get from a lot of wide-release studio films, let alone wide-release studio comedies. While it would have been fun to see Sandler as the Bear Jew in Inglourious Basterds, it wouldn’t have been revelatory, like he is (Eminem, too) in Funny People.

1. You Don’t Mess with the Zohan

While doing research for this list (watching Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star), my 19-year-old half-brother asked me to name my favorite Adam Sandler movie. Billy Madison or The Wedding Singer or Uncut Gems, if that counts, I responded, before turning the question back on him. “I know this is a weird choice,” he started, but I already knew what he was going to say, because I love it, too. You Don’t Mess with the Zohan isn’t my number one Adam Sandler movie, but it’s number one in the Happy Madison-verse.

Imagine the pitch meeting.

STUDIO HEAD: “Thanks for coming into today, Adam. What’s up?”

SANDLER: “So, I have an idea for this movie. It’s an action-comedy called You Don’t Mess with the Zohan. I play Zohan, an Israeli counter-terrorist who dreams of moving to the United States and becoming a hairdresser against the wishes of his parents.”

STUDIO HEAD: “I…”

SANDLER: “I’m not finished. At the end of the movie, Zohan will unite the Israelis and Palestinians, and one day, someone will write ‘it’s clear Zohan loves the ladies, regardless of age or size’ on the movie’s Wikipedia page.”

STUDIO HEAD: “I’m not…”

SANDLER: “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan will make $200 million at the box office.”

STUDIO HEAD: “You son of a bitch, I’m in.”

Zohan is one of the few likable characters Sandler has played in the Happy Madison era, and because it’s a comedically heightened universe, where no harm comes from dropping a piranha in your Speedo, you also buy that impossibly-beautiful woman would throw themselves at him. It’s a winking improvement on, say, Kate Beckinsale being married to Sandler’s grumpy architect in Click, or Jessica Biel sincerely asking fake-gay firefighter Chuck to touch her breasts in I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry.

What’s the bigger shame? That Sandler and Judd Apatow, who co-wrote Zohan, haven’t worked together beyond the top two movies on this list, or that Zohan hasn’t been inducted into the Marvel Cinematic Universe yet. (It worked for another New York-based Sony character.) Has Captain America settled the Israeli-Palestinian conflict after decades of strife while styling women’s hair in his free time? He wishes.

Heading into 2020, the new year was slated to be a big one for TDE as a number of the label’s artists were either confirmed or rumored to release albums this year. Reason was slated as the first act to release this year, while names like Kendrick Lamar, Schoolboy Q, and Isaiah Rashad were expected to arrive later in the year. However, as we near the halfway point in 2020, aside from TDE Appreciation Week and the singles that resulted from it, the label has yet to make any of the noise fans expected it too, but with Reason still up first, hopefully things will change with his latest single.

Following his “Trapped In” track, Reason brings labelmates Schoolboy Q along as the two west coast rappers connect for “Pop Sh*t.” As described by Reason, the single is “not be a single type record, this will not be ‘might not make it,’ this is rap at its core.” Produced by Kal Banx, Reason first announced the track with a short video that found him attempting to escape from his bad side. After evading the villain for some time, Reason eventually came face to face with his nemesis where he is forced to surrender.

Check out Reason’s release from TDE Appreciation Week, “Might Not Make It.”

Press play on “Pop Sh*t” in the video above.

Despite their lengthy time and popularity in hip-hop, Future and Travis Scott have brought their talents together on just a few occasions. The first came in 2015 with Travis’ “3500,” which also appeared on his debut album, Rodeo. Nearly four years later, the two would reunite this time on Future’s behalf thanks to “First Off” from his The Wzrd album. Getting back to work for a second consecutive year, Future and Travis work their magic once again on Future’s newly released album, High Off Life.

Dedicated to their beloved flashy diamonds, Future and Travis Scott’s “Solitaires” finds them thriving off their chemistry once again. Laying down a dark hook, Future slides through with a pep in his step for his first verse. Laying down a verse of his own, Travis Scott comes through with some thoughts of his own before going back and forth with the ATL rap star. The track arrives hours after Future had fans go one a scavenger hunt through 149 websites to his “All Bad” collaboration with Lil Uzi Vert, which will also appear on High Off Life.

In addition to “Solitaires,” High Off Life comes equipped with 21 songs in total and features from Drake, Meek Mill, Young Thug, Lil Uzi Vert, DaBaby and more.

Listen to “Solitaires” in the video above.

High Off Life is out now via Epic. Get it here.

Following an equal amount of singles and album delays, Joyner Lucas shared his sophomore album, ADHD. The 18-track effort saw appearances from Young Thug, Timbaland, Logic, Fabolous, and more, but one of its standout records came thanks to an equally standout visual. Dropping “Will” days before the album’s arrival, Lucas paired the single’s with a visual that found himself in Will Smith’s shoes — his film shoes at least. Reenacting scenes from Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air, Pursuit Of Happiness, Bad Boys, Men In Black, and more, the video was a warm way to honor the legendary actor.

A month removed from meeting for the first time ever over a zoom call, where they both watched the “Will” video, Smith and Lucas have decided to add a new chapter to their story with a remix of “Will.” Kicking off with Lucas leading the way, Smith steps into the spotlight and grabs the mic to lay off a verse of his own where he reminds listeners of his hip-hop past, one that came “back before there was streaming sales,” Smith raps. “Way before all the iTunes and the fans had to get CDs still.”

Soon after the video’s inital release, Will Smith would praise Lucas for the video saying, “I am humbled and honored. One of the lines in there, you say, ‘You inspire people and you don’t even know it.’ It has been my intention from day one to into the world and just put positive energy and to be able to use my creation to inspire and elevate and empower. I just love what you’ve done — it’s creative… Hope to meet you one day.”

Press play on the remix is above.

ADHD is out now via Twenty Nine Music Group. Get it here.

After sharing their own projects in 2020, Trippie Redd and PartyNextDoor have joined forces for their new single, “Excitement.” The single arrives after Trippie Redd shared the deluxe version of his 2019 album, A Love Letter To You 4. The revamped release features eight new songs with help from Chance The Rapper, Young Thug, and more. On the other hand, “Excitement” follows PartyNextDoor’s PartyMobile album, one that arrived nearly three years after his last project, as well as a guest appearance on DVSN’s recent album, A Muse In Her Feelings.

Uptempo in nature, “Excitement” comes through as an ideal track for a daytime drive as the production eases its way to the track’s climax. With PartyNextDoor stepping to the mic first, Trippie emerges soon after belting the lyrics to his own verse. Showing appreciation to the significant other in their lives as well as their physique, Trippie continues to shower his love with praise while pleading with her to join him in seeing a new side of life. To close out the track, PartyNextDoor returns with a reminder that it is more than their bedroom magic that keeps him around.

The new song also arrives after Trippie Redd shared a video for his Young Thug collaboration, “Yell Oh.” The video found the two rappers fleeing from their enemies.

Press play on the video above to hear “Excitement.”

PartyNextDoor is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

---

View Entire Post ›

Knowing how to competently talk about whiskey is tough. Enough that it creates a barrier for many lovers of the brown stuff. There are just so many damn words to learn that it almost feels like you have to go back to school to get a grip on them. On top of that, different cultures sometimes have completely different terms for the same thing, adding a layer of confusion.

With World Whiskey Day coming up, we decided to cut through as much of the bullshit as possible by compiling a comprehensive A-Z list of whiskey-related terms. If they’re not here, you probably don’t need to know them. We have, however, tried to shy away from the super-scientific words — they’re just too inside baseball unless you’re an actual distiller. Yes, there are a few science-y words on this list, but that’s simply because try-hard whiskey aficionados like to toss them around (feel free to roll your eyes at them when they do).

Hopefully, this whiskey 101 guide will help you understand the vernacular of the whiskey world. It should also give you a few pointers on the process involved in making whiskey and even tasting it. If you have any local whiskey slang to add, please sound off in the comments!

A

Angel’s Share

The whiskey that evaporates into then air while it ages in the rickhouse/warehouse over the years.

Other terms to know:

• ABV — Alcohol By Volume.
• Age — The number of years the whiskey was aged. Or the age of the oldest barrel used in a blend.
• Aging — The process of aging whiskey in a barrel.

B

Bung Hole

The whole in which is the barrel is filled and emptied. It remains corked while aging takes place.

Other terms to know:

• Barrel — An oak vessel for aging spirits.
• Bottled-in-Bond — A whiskey that’s aged according to specific federal oversight of aging facilities and bottled at 50 percent ABV.
• Blend — A mix of two or more whiskeys from different distillations from different distilleries and often different grains.
• Ball of Malt — Irish term for a glass of whiskey.
• Beer — All whiskey essentially starts out as beer (a mash of fermented grains) before it’s distilled.
• Bourbon — An American whiskey made with a corn-dominant mash bill and aged in new American oak.
• Barley — The main grain used in most non-U.S. whiskies.

C

Congeners

A scientific term that gets thrown around a lot. They refer to the chemical compounds — like esters — that survive the distillation process and carry certain tastes into the unaged spirit.

Other terms to know:

• Cut (Heart) — The middle section of the spirit (between the foreshot and feint) coming off stills that actually goes into the barrels.
• Cask — An oak barrel used for aging.
• Cooper — The barrel maker.
• Cooperage — Where barrels are made.
• Charring — Blasting the inside of a barrel with fire to create char.
• Char — The fire-burnt inside of a barrel, varies in depth from (generally) one to five with five being a heavy char.
• Chill Filtration — A cooling process that removes substances that tend to cloud whiskey expressions when it gets cold.
• Column Still — Also called a Coffey Still, using continuous and mechanized distillation.
• Condensation — What happens when the distilled vapors are turned back into liquid via cooling.
• Cask Strength — Whiskey bottled directly from the cask without meddling.
• Caramel — A coloring agent for whiskey.
• Campletown — A regional designation for Scotch whisky.
• Color — The clarity and color of a whiskey.

D

Draff

The organic residue left from the grains and cereals after the mashing that’s later dried and sold as animal feed.

Other terms to know:

• Dram — Whiskey glass, usually from Scotland. Or, as our Vince Mancini says, “a shot that studied abroad.”
• Dusties — Old bottles that are sitting untouched in collectors’ cellars.
• Drum Malting — The process of germinating raw barley in large drums with local water and constant churning to create malt.
• Distillation — The process of turning the “beer” or “mash” into clear spirit or alcohol.
• Doubler — A type of pot still for second distillation that amps up the ABV.

E

Expression

A specific varietal from a single distillery or blender. These can vary by aging (time or process), blending, barrel selection (location of the barrel in the Brickhouse or unique barreling technique), or different mash bills.

Other terms to know:

• Ethanol — This is what alcohol actually is, chemically (C2H5OH).
• Esters — A chemical compound by-product of distillation that carries flavors into the spirit.
• “E” — The “e” in the term “whiskey” from Ireland and the United States compared to “whisky” from the rest of the world.

F

Fake Tan

Whiskey that’s been colored by artificial agents or caramel.

Other terms to know:

• Floor Malting — Very old-school method where the raw barley is soaked in water and then laid out on a floor to germinate into malts.
• Fermentation — The process of turning malt grist, water, and yeast into the beer that’s the base for whiskey.
• Foreshot (Heads) — The first part of the distillation that’s too rough to be barreled, so it’s often redistilled with the feints.
• Feints (Tails) — The ends of the first distillation process, after the cut, that’s often mostly water and redistilled with the foreshots.
• Filling — The act of filling barrels.
• Finishing — Taking whiskey from a standard barrel and refilling it into another barrel to add more flavor and depth.
• Flipper — Someone who buys high-end bottles and then resells them at a marked up price on the secondary market.
• Finish — The lingering tastes and feelings of a whiskey.

G

Grist

The milled malt that then goes into a mash tun with water.

Other terms to know:

• Green Barley — Germinated but un-dried barley malts.
• Grain Whiskey — Often distilled with wheat and corn to be blended with a straight whiskey.
• Glencairn — A classic whiskey tasting glass.
• Glen — A narrow valley in Scotland.

H

Honey Barrel

In Kentucky parlance, this is the perfect barrel from the sweet spot of the rickhouse that’s aged for the right amount of time that almost magically (read: luck) makes the best-tasting barrel of bourbon.

Other terms to know:

• High Wine — The spirit from the first distillation which is sent directly for a second distillation.
• Honey Hole — A retailer that sells high-end bottles at average retail prices.
• Highlands — A regional designation for Scotch whisky.
• Heather — A wildflower from the Scottish highlands that’s supposedly always “present” on the nose of Scotch whisky.
• Holler — A small valley in the Ohio River Valley or Appalachia in the United States.

I

Islay

A regional designation for Scotch whisky. Known for tasting smoky/ peaty.

Other terms to know:

• Islands — A regional designation for Scotch whisky. Unlike Islay whiskies, these expressions feature a wide range of flavor profiles.
• Irish Whiskey — A triple distilled whiskey aged in ex-bourbon and ex-sherry casks for at least three years.

J

Juice

A slang term for whiskey after it’s distilled and while it’s in the barrel or bottled.

Other terms to know:

• Japanese Whisky — A malted barley whisky — blended and single malt — originally made to mimic Scotland’s whisky culture.

K

Kiln

The process and room where wet, germinated malt is dried with heat from various sources (peat smoke or dry air, etc.).

Other terms to know:

• Kentuck Chew — The process of nosing, sipping, and tasting Kentucky Bourbon.
• Kentucky Hug — The warm, lingering finish seen in many high-quality bourbon expressions.

L

Lyne Arm

The horizontal tube between a pot still and worm wherein the vapor starts turning back into a liquid.

Other terms to know:

• Low Wines — The spirit created by the first distillation.
• Loch — A Scottish lake.
• Lowlands — A regional designation for Scotch whisky. Generally, light and mellow in flavor.
• Lomond Still — A pot still that operates similarly to a Coffey Still that’s sometimes used in Scotland.
• Legs — The streams inside a whiskey tasting glass that denotes age and alcohol content.
• Lincoln County Process (Leaching) — The process in Tennessee wherein whiskey is filtered or mellowed with sugar maple charcoal.

M

Mash Bill

The mix of grains and cereal used to make the initial mash.

Other terms to know:

• Malt — The grains or cereals that are germinated and then dried which become the base of the mash bill.
• Mill — The machine that turns malts into grist.
• Mash(ing) — The step where the grist (ground malt) is added to water with sugars before fermentation.
• Mash Tun — The tank wherein the mashing happens.
• Master Distiller — The person who oversees every step of the process of making whiskey.
• Master Blender — The person who oversees the maturation, blending, and bottling of the whiskey.
• Maturation — The process of aging whiskey in barrels.
• Moonshine — An unaged whiskey made at an illegal still.

N

Neck

The top of a pot still that allows vapor to travel into the Lyne Arm.

Other terms to know:

• New Make — Another term for White Dog or whiskey before it’s aged.
• Noser — The person at the distillery or blendery who specifically noses the whiskey for quality control.
• Nose — The smell of the whiskey when “nosing” the glass as you prepare to taste it.

O

Oxidization

This is what happens when air and congeners meet in the barrel and burn off the harsher edges of the spirit, allowing certain flavors — brought along by the sugar in the barrel’s wood — to take center stage.

P

Peat Monster

A whisk(e)y, often scotch, where the malts are kilned with heavy peat smoke which becomes the dominant taste in the finished product.

Other terms to know:

• Peat — A bio-fuel from just below grassy sod used to dry wet malts after germination with its signature blue smoke.
• Pot Still — A classic bulbous still.
• Pagoda — The shape of a kiln room roof which allows for ventilation (archaic).
• Purifier — A device attached to the Lyne Arm to trap harsher alcohol and redirect it for redistillation.
• Phenols — The chemical compounds released in peat smoke that enter the malts.
• PPM — The “theoretical” Parts Per Million of phenols in peaty whisky.
• Proof — Twice the ABV.
• Poitín — An unaged (white) Irish whiskey.
• Palate — The taste of the whiskey.

Q

Quaich

An ancient wooden whiskey-drinking vessel with handles on either side. Originally fom Scotland.

R

Rickhouse

A storage building for barrels of whiskey (mainly U.S.).

Other terms to know:

• Rye — In Canada, the umbrella term for all whisky. In the U.S., a whiskey made with a rye-dominate mash bill and aged in new American oak.
• Reflux — The recondensed spirit that doesn’t make it to the Lyne Arm and falls back into the still for redistillation.
• Rare — Whiskey either produced in non-standard batches or from a shuttered distillery or brand.
• Refill — A reused cask or barrel.
• Run — The spirit that passes from the still into the spirit safe.

S

Spirit Safe

A brass-framed, glass box where the spirit flows (directly from the spirit still) for testing by the master distiller for quality.

Other “S” terms to know:

• Spirit Still — A secondary, smaller still for additional distillations.
• Spirit — The unaged alcohol made via distilling.
• Sherry Butt — An oak barrel from Jerez, Spain that once held sherry.
• Shell Condenser — The tube around the Lyne Arm where water is pumped in to cool the arm.
• Steep — The process of soaking grains in water to start germination.
• Saladin Box — A method for drying germinated barley in a box with a perforated bottom where hot air is pumped through.
• Speyside — A regional designation for Scotch whisky. Typically either light, smooth sippers or rich and sweeter.
• Single Malt — A whisky made at a single distillery during a single season with malted barley.
• Single Grain — A whiskey made from a single grain other than barley at a single distillery.
• Single Pot — An Irish whiskey made from unmalted and malted barley in a pot still at a single distillery.
• Single Estate — When all the grains come from a single farm.
• Straight Whiskey — A bourbon, rye, or Tennessee whiskey that has to spend at least two years aging and barreled below 62.5 percent ABV.
• Small Batch — The process of blending a few choice barrels from a single distillation at a single distillery.
• Singel Barrel — The process of bottling a choice whiskey directly from a single barrel with no additives or filtration.
• Scotch — A whisky, blended or otherwise, from Scotland.
• Spent Lees — The residue left in a still after distillation, waste.
• Sláinte — The Scot-Irish Gaelic term for “health” a la “cheers!” when toasting.

T

Tater

A whiskey hypebeast who chases high-end bottles but rarely knows what they’re talking about.

Other terms to know:

• Tennessee Whiskey — A type of whiskey from Tennessee with a corn-focused mash bill that’s filtered through sugar maple charcoal and aged in new American oak.
• Toasted Barrel — A barrel that’s been air-dried before either charring or filling.

U

Uisce Beatha

Also, Uisge Beatha in Scottish-Gaelic, the original term for “whisky” which is a local translation of aqua vitae, or water of life.

Other terms to know:

• Unicorn — A very hard-to-find and much-sought-after bottle of whiskey.
• Underback — The vessel wherein the mash passes from the mash tun to the washback and cools before fermentation.

V

Vatted Malt

A whisky that is blended from two or more single malts with no other grain whiskies involved.

Other terms to know:

• Viscosity — Denotes a thicker whiskey with more defined legs in the glass.

W

White Dog

An unaged (or barely aged) American whiskey, often distilled with a high-corn mash bill.

Other terms to know:

• Wort (Mash) — The sugar-loaded liquid from the mash tun.
• Washback — The fermentation tank where yeast is added to the wort from the mash tun.
• Worm — The coiled tubes that run off a still through a water vat to cool the vapor back into a liquid.
• Warehouse — A storage building for barrels full of whiskey.
• Wash Still — The first and larger still for distillation.
• Worm Tub — The wooden vat the holds the coils after the Lyne Arm that’s filled with water to help the condensation process.
• Whiskey Thief — A long brass tube used to taste test whiskey from the barrel.
• White Lightning — A form of moonshine.

X

X Waters

An archaic term for Irish whiskey that was originally called “Strong Waters” which became X waters.

Other terms to know:

• XXX — Tripled distilled moonshine or whiskey.

Y

Yield

The amount of alcohol that one ton of malt can, well, yield.

Other terms to know:

• Yeast — The live fungi that eat sugars to create alcohol and carbon dioxide during fermentation.

Z

Zymurgy

The study of fermentation in brewing, winemaking, and distilling.

---

View Entire Post ›

Top Chef All-Stars LA was back this week, taking the chefs to the mountains “a few hours outside of Los Angeles” (was it Big Bear? why can’t we just say Big Bear?) for a Summer Camp challenge. That meant ziplines, tents, campfires, and Padma wearing some hilariously fashion-y boots inspired by some abstract idea of rustic life.

Hold up, are those side pockets? Dammit, mom, I told you not to throw out my cargo pants!

But before they got to play horseshoes and make s’mores, the chefs were forced to roll that beautiful bean footage, for a bean-based challenge sponsored by, who else, Bush’s baked beans. Last season’s winner, Kelsey Barnard Clark was there to guest judge. Apparently the talking golden retriever had a prior engagement. On the one hand, ugh, another product placement-driven challenge. On the other, creating a dish where beans are the main course in 30 minutes using canned beans is hard as shit.

This challenge also dredged up some painful memories for yours truly, as last week my fiancée and I got into a heated argument over whether the correct lyrics were “beans beans the musical fruit… (me)” or “beans beans the magical fruit… (her).” It’s true, I can often sound like a know-it-all in arguments (making it not especially fun to argue with me), but in my defense, it’s hard not to sound like a know-it-all when you are clearly correct. It’s musical fruit, because the more you eat, the more you toot. As in, the sound a horn makes. Ie, music. If it was magical fruit, the more you ate, the more you’d… I dunno, pull rabbits out of hats or grow magical beanstalks and cuckold giants or whatever. Am I in the wrong here?! I FEEL LIKE I’M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!

Anyway, the contestants did some impressive bean work, though I couldn’t believe no one pointed out the flaw in eating seven bean dishes the same day you travel from sea level to the mountains. Poor Padma was probably all farty and bloated that entire weekend.

Maybe they were trying to amp up the drama by filling the contestants full of beans, taking them to the mountains, and sticking them in a small room together. Magical Elves? More like Machiavellian Elves! (Magical Elves is the production company that makes Top Chef, FYI). Anyway, say what you will about beans, it kept anyone from making another crudo.

Incredibly, not a single second of fart-based drama made the final cut. Maybe that was part of Bush’s product placement rider. Instead, the contestants packed off for a day of Summer camp fun followed by an early morning challenge of every chef’s nightmare scenario: Cooking brunch for 400 hungover moms. To make matters worse, it was to be served buffet-style, with two dishes per chef, using only whatever ingredients the camp actually had available (to be guest judged by season 15 winner Brooke Williamson, aka Biscuits).

Before the chefs set off on their goof-off tour, Padma urged them “don’t break a thumb” in a way that sounded suspiciously more like a hex than a word of caution. “Nice opposable digits you got there. Be a shame if something happened to them.”

After a night in which 400 drunken Karens singing karaoke downstairs kept the chefs from getting much sleep, it came time to divvy up ingredients and plan a menu. Only then did the chefs find out how few ingredients there actually were. They only had enough eggs for two of the chefs to plan eggs as a main, but halfway through prep both of those chefs abandoned the egg component of their dishes. (Admittedly there are few things harder than trying to make eggs to order for 400 people).

No egg dishes at a buffet brunch?!? Damn, I would’ve burned that place to the ground. Incredibly, the karaoke Karens didn’t say a thing. Maybe we’ve been wrong about Karens? Or we were right all along, and all you have to do is distract them with a mimosa and a Voltaggio sighting.

POWER RANKINGS

7. (even) ((Eliminated)) Lee Anne Wong

AKA: Frazzle. Aka Loud Mom. Aka 911. Aka The Teflon Wong. Aka Chefzilla. Aka Steamy Ray Vaughn.

I have a slightly softer spot for Lee Anne after eating her food and being very impressed, but what we all assumed was inevitable from episode one or two on this season finally happened: Lee Anne has been eliminated. RIP Teflon Wong, some bad food finally stuck to her.

Not right away though. First, Lee Anne made a bean empanada that actually won her the quickfire. She received $10 grand but no immunity. She also had a top-three finish in the last quickfire, believe it or not, in the episode before last. But as they say, that and 99 cents will get you two tacos at Jack in the Box. For the brunch, Lee Anne planned a Cinnamon Roll donut and a berry clafoutis — which I’ve since learned is basically a giant baked pancake-cum-coffee cake. This was designed to save Lee Anne the hassle of trying to serve pancakes to order. The ol’ casserole dodge.

Those dishes didn’t sound half bad, but Lee Anne unfortunately failed to notice that the oven was set to 100% steam. And thus her plan for fruity clafoutis turned into a Steamy Ray Vaughn.

It might’ve been fine if her donut had measured up, but instead, everyone said it was dense and bad. I don’t know why people try to get so fancy with donuts, making it out of cinnamon roll or red velvet or putting fruit loops on top like at Voodoo Donuts. Just fry some goddamn dough and get out of the way! Donuts are perfect the way they are. You think Krispy Kreme made a billion dollars because their donuts were fancy? They got rich because their donuts were donuts.

In any case, Lee Anne is finally gone so we can get down to the nitty-gritty. I’m happy that I happened to catch her on a good day (her upside down cake was honestly life-changing and I don’t even like dessert) but she seemed to screw something up every week. My hunch says she wins Last Chance Kitchen and finds a way to return yet again, and then in the finale gets her foot run over by the production van or something. Then has to return next season.

6. (-1) Stephanie Cmar

AKA: C-Monster. Aka Underdog. Aka C-Truffle.

Stephanie started the episode making excuses for why she couldn’t think of a bean dish (maybe the trees were out to get her like in The Happening?) which is never a good sign. Not that it’s easy to come up with a bean dish as a main course. She eventually came up with a bean hamburger, and promptly got busted down to the bottom three.

In the elimination challenge she cooked up a “breakfast salad,” which is apparently some kind of hash concoction with eggs and bacon and bread and cheese and stuff. Which earned her reviews like “this is like something I’d make for my toddler” and “it tastes much better than it looks.” Eh, I love a hearty dish that looks like throw up on a plate but tastes amazing, especially for breakfast, so I’m forced to respect it. It was also the only one of 14 dishes to include eggs so it probably saved them from a riot. She also made biscuits for the biscuit queen and got rave reviews.

All of which means… decent performance for C-Monster this week? So why do I still feel like she’ll be the next to go home?

5. (-1) Brian Malarkey

AKA: Shenanigans. Aka Grandpa Fancy. Aka Squirrely. Aka The Imp. Aka Leprechón.

Last week, the Leprechón shattered all expectations and looked like a frontrunner running the front of the house. This week, he returned to the middle of the pack. He began with a bean-bacon puree served with jalapeño, grilled underneath burning pine needles — a typically impish idea that didn’t win him any raves from the judges. In fact, Padma all but armpit farted at the very notion. Nonetheless, he stayed out of the bottom three.

Not so in the elimination challenge, where Shenanigans managed to monopolize the tomato sauce, half the eggs, the steak, and chorizo for a chorizo-shrimp stew that took two hours and still came out flavorless. This after he planned and then abandoned a shakshuka. Shakshuka sounded like a bad idea to begin with — I’ve never been to Isreal but it’s only ever been bland when I’ve had it. Plus, Kelsey landed on the bottom for it the last time it showed up on the show, when she tried to serve it to that finicky manlet of a country star. In the end, Squirrely ditched it and his chorizo stew turned out bland anyway.

Lucky for him, Shenanigans was saved by his other dish — steak with hollandaise sauce — which everyone loved. Still, the dude had half the ingredients in the pantry and managed to finish in the bottom three. Unless there’s another challenge that involves hypnotizing investors or conspicuously bare ankles it’s not looking great for Grandpa Fancy.

4. (+2) Karen Akunowicz

AKA: Good Witch. Aka Glenda. Aka Aunt Kitty. Aka Rosie The Triveter

Karen conceivably could’ve gone home last week if Big Kev hadn’t martyred himself for his failed plantation food scheme, but this week she totally redeemed herself. First she cooked up some top three beans (white beans and kale) and then she did it again in the elimination challenge with corn cakes and grits. I do love some corn for breakfast. She also proved Lee Anne’s worries misplaced when she easily made pancakes to order, and even gave appetizer cakes to the moms waiting in line. Moms love not having to wait for food.

I’d love to make a joke about Karen being at home cooking for a horde of Karens, but honestly, Karen isn’t very Karen for someone named Karen. She seems more like a Sarah or maybe a Melanie to me. Anyway, Karen is back to looking strong but just behind the favorites, which is basically where she’s been all season.

3. (even) Bryan Voltaggio

AKA: Flatbill Dad. Aka Bry Voltage. Aka Kyle Shanahan. Aka Linkin Clark Griswold. Aka Family Bry.

Bry Guy is extremely Bry every week but this week took the cake. Has there ever been uttered on this show a phrase more dadly than “No beans about it, I want to win!”?

Simply incredible. A slow clap for that one. Family Bry Voltaggio belongs in the Dad Joke Hall Of Fame. Yet he landed in the bottom three of the quickfire yet again, for once again cooking a really good dish that didn’t fit the challenge. He made steak with beans, trying unsuccessfully to convince the judges that his bean marinade made the steak a bean component (how much can you even marinade in 30 minutes?).

Bry stayed on-brand in the elimination challenge, chuckling to himself as he said: “I love it when a plan comes together, ha ha ha!”

He gets a slight dad point reduction for not turning to the other contestants right after and saying “The A-Team! Come on!” A true dad identifies the source of his quotes.

In a mom-feeding challenge, a pure dad like Linkin Clark Griswold was obvious eye candy for the hungry horny moms, and he exploited this advantage — serving up some white tablecloth-worthy roasted carrots and a potato shallot cake with bacon (I made potato pancakes last week. Underrated food.). Potatoes and bacon? Yes, exactly. Of course, he ended up winning. I don’t know if this mean’s he’s turned it around for good, but it’s a good sign.

2. (even) Melissa King

AKA: Zen Master. Aka Dimples. Aka Shutterstock.

Romaine? No, mane. Yes, it was a rough week for Melissa. She overreached in the quickfire, during which her bean dumpling didn’t quite come together. I would excuse it by saying a dumpling is an extremely high degree of difficulty in 30 minutes, but Lee Anne did win with a bean empanada.

Then in the elimination challenge, Melissa played it passive, choosing from the leftover ingredients. Which led her to the disastrous decision to make a damn romaine salad — looking barely dressed and garnished with sad grapefruit. Salad for breakfast? Oh hell naw. I don’t even want to see lettuce on the same plate as my eggs. You ever go to a breakfast place where they try to give you mixed greens with your eggs instead of potatoes? That’s a place I won’t be going back to. Couldn’t she have at least grilled the romaine? Melissa is the leafy green grilling master! I don’t get it.

Thank god she also made a ham congee that everyone seemed to like. Despite this bad performance, I’m chalking this episode up to Melissa being slightly too nice and keeping her at number two. Hopefully this will be an important lesson, a wake-up call to stop trying to make friends and start throwing elbows. Box those fuckers out, Melissa! You gonna let Shenanigans take all the beef? Hell no, that’s your beef. Beef is for closers. (Melissa, if you’re reading this please let me be your pump up guy).

1. (even) Gregory Gourdet

AKA: Kravitz. Aka Hepcat. Aka Lids. Aka Pollos Hermanos.

Gregory opened and closed with a top-three finish. What else would you expect? The man is a magician. He cooked up a roasted mushroom and tomato dish that initially he was going to serve with an egg but ended up swapping it out for spinach. Spinach! That was a move that would’ve gotten any other contestant sent home but in Gregory’s hand almost got him the win. His other dish was… a damned fruit salad. Even Tom refused to “wax poetic about a fruit salad,” yet there Gregory was in the winner’s circle.

What can you say? He’s killing this thing.

Vince Mancini is on Twitter. Read more of his cooking commentary in UPROXX’s Cooking Battles and Viral Cooking. For past Top Chef Power Rankings, go here.

---

View Entire Post ›