ER doctor Tarek Loubani has printed around 1,000 face shields during the coronavirus crisis, working in his spare time from his basement.

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Close your eyes and imagine a red star. Can you actually see it?

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This week’s newsletter: The resilience and shamelessness of turning these tough times into a social media marketing campaign, and a PSA about those infamous get-followers-quick “giveaways.”

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For some, working from home provides time to binge watch shows, master some dishes in the kitchen, get reading done, and tackle new projects. For others, the sheer idea of being stuck in one place is anxiety inducing. Inertia keeps them going. Inertia keeps them sane. Inertia is their calm. Many pro athletes fall into that category — staying static isn’t exactly in their very nature, and between being used to traveling, constant motion, and structured workouts, athletes gain strength from routine. Much of that routine is rooted in that very inertia.

When that’s taken away, a sense of self can be lost. While some of that can be filled with video games (which admittedly help many players as a relative substitute for meditation), time with family, or other hobbies, the workouts alone are still needed. Like many in the workforce today, pro athletes more so than others identify with their profession. When their job is taken away, when that sense of community is removed, it can be isolating and lonely and be an utter drain on self-confidence.

That’s where Alex Toussaint comes in. A senior instructor at Peloton, Toussaint uses his background and his own personal journey to inspire riders in his classes, many of whom are pro athletes themselves. Masked by leaderboard names where they can stay relatively anonymous, Peloton rides allow them to track their metrics, compete and chart their own personal growth, get hyped up by contoured playlists, and use the teaching Toussaint gives to feel as though they’re getting the personal touch they’d be getting from their trainers in their respective sports. It’s not the same as on-court time, or live reps, which are irreplaceable.

But it does scratch an itch many other workouts can’t, as it’s been hyped by everyone from Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt to Cam Newton and the Golden State Warriors. Classes can be taken live – although true live classes have been paused through the end of April – or on demand, and often clusters and groups will pick a recorded class to take at a certain day and time as a chance to build community and compete against each other.

Many pro athletes have gravitated towards Toussaint specifically for his style and approach. For that, he feels a responsibility to those riders, just as he does his advanced cyclists, or those stepping on the bike for the first time. UPROXX Sports had the chance to speak with Toussaint about his experience, and his role in an athlete’s fitness journey in strange times.

Martin Rickman: I’ve noticed more athletes, more pro guys tend to ride with you than anyone else. Do you have a reason for that in your head or something that you feel like has really connected with those guys?

Alex Toussaint: I think for me, just being like a young kid growing up, always wanting to be a pro athlete, always having dreams that they can enter the NBA. I think that I bring my competitive athlete’s side to my Peloton approach. Also, I went to military school, so I have a real militant boot camp discipline format of how I structure my class. Then on top of that, the music that I play, like I said, I was a kid growing up wanting to be a pro athlete like some of these guys who are taking Peloton now. So I’m listening to the same music I listened to in the locker rooms, the same stuff they’re using on pregame warmups.

I think there’s a relationship where it’s like they’d get on the bike, they’re still getting that full on pro athlete mindset kind of workout with the same music that they’re accustomed to while they’re training for what they’re training for in their respective sports. I think that’s why athletes are tending to navigate towards my rides, just with that similar relationship going on.

What is it about the bike that really resonates with really peak competitors, whether it’s Olympians, PGA tour athletes, NBA players, NFL players? Do you think it’s the metrics available or is it the sense of community that even when you’re by yourself, you feel like you have a team behind you?

I think that honestly, it’s the combination of everything that makes the Peloton bike what it is. I think it’s a combination of the hardware, the software, the instructor that’s on it, the music that’s playing. I think it’s really a combination of everything. There’s not one piece that’s really left out. I think it just also, allows the athlete in the comfort of their own home to keep to, to have that competitive edge, whether they’re competing with other athletes that they know are riding or whether they’re competing against themselves and improve your score the last time I got on the bike. Regardless, I always allow them to have a competitive edge and there’s always a level to evolve your game, evolve your hustle. So I think for them, it’s a no brainer.

How did the Cam Newton ride come about in the first place and what was that experience like? How has that kind of shifted your mindset and how you developed classes moving forward with the knowledge that everyone has their own style, but they also have their own audience and you tend to make your rides fit kind of the people that look to you for those sorts of experiences and those sorts of workouts?

Well for me, I think when it comes to my design of class, I’ve always prided myself on being able to teach to every sort of demographic, whether it’s a rock ride, a hip-hop ride, ’80s pop ride, 2000s, whatever the case may be, I find myself being able to teach a wide variety of classes. I think the athletes are just navigating towards my HIIT rides, my Tabata rides and my hip-hop rides a little bit more as what they’re accustomed to. Whereas if the Peloton community, somebody who’s just hopping on for the first time, they might not be ready for a HIIT ride just yet, but that’s okay because I have a pop ride available, I have beginner rides available. So I make sure that I have, actually, every Peloton instructor to be honest with you, we make sure that we teach a wide variety of classes. That way, our members can take a wide variety of classes with whatever instructor they want to.

With the Cam Newton ride specifically, was that something that came from his side when you guys noticed that he had a bike or did you guys reach out to him directly? I noticed that response. That seemed like one of the more popular rides from a total rider standpoint of any of the ones that I’ve taken.

Yeah. That ride came about super organic. To be honest with you, Cam’s team reached out to Peloton and me being a fan of Cam Newton, it was a no brainer for me. So when I met Cam, before he came to New York, I designed a 30 minute HIIT ride, something that I knew was going to be challenging for him, but most importantly, challenging for our members too. I didn’t want to make it just strictly about Cam, even though that he was coming. I wanted our members to also have an open runway to feel accepted into this ride. So that ride was designed for everybody, but within the music itself, I made sure that I made it a little bit more than the Down South hip-hop side, the football kind of anthems and things like that. It was a beautiful concept. I think that in the future, we could possibly make other things like that happen with other athletes, but that was definitely one of my top highlights since I’ve been at Peloton for sure, and even in my career as an indoor cycling instructor.

How proud are you that you can look to this community that you have this opportunity here to keep people growing and keep people focused? Even for myself personally, the bike has been one of the more stabilizing forces in the last few weeks here as everything else seems like it’s been turned upside down. Not only that, to have the entire community behind you, but to have some of these athletes and these visionaries, these guys that I’m sure even you look up to really committing to taking your rides and making that a part of their wellness journey and also, their mindfulness to try to keep pushing forward in that uncertainty.

Especially, now more than ever like for me, when I started my fitness journey, I was asking that individual who was lost after college, had nowhere … was not really having a direction in life and kind of in a dark space. I actually got on a bike the first time in a sense of that gave me that positive light that I was looking for. I never thought that I’d be on the opposite stage of it and be teaching it. Now, that I’m in a position where I could provide light to others and just give other people encouragement and love, especially in a time that we’re all going through this together, I feel now more than ever it is my duty. There’s a quote out there, I forgot who said it, but like when you’re in a position, “those who can, must,” and I feel like especially now more than ever being at Peloton, that I’m in a position to provide light to others out there. So right now, it’s my duty and that’s what’s keeping me going to be honest with you.

With regards to the leaderboard and seeing more and more of these guys who are kind of surprises taking the rides, have you noticed more people being vocal about their public leaderboard names, especially from the athletes? Because a lot of the time, I know at least on some of the Facebook groups, people were trying to investigate, “Oh, this is this person, we think. This is maybe Michael Phelps. This is maybe this guy.” Now, people are sharing their leaderboard names more frequently, especially some of the more high profile guys. You guys always knew who was who because you have the access to that, but it seems like it’s really helping the rider base knowing that we’re all in this together. Everyone can kind of ride together.

Yeah, I think that’s a major shout out for the athletes who are actually doing that because they know that the community out there, we’re all in a position where we have no sports right now. I think it’s just showing the people out there that they’re everyday humans just like us and they need to do things to stay on point just like us. So I think it’s just a call out to the community to be open, to be out here just to support one another and especially right now, it’s less competitive and more just a community to encourage one another out there. I think it’s a beautiful thing of what the athletes are doing when they’re probably showing the leaderboard names. That’s a big shout out to them.

Who has been the most surprising person in the time that you’ve been teaching who popped up?

To be honest with you, it’d probably be Rory McIlroy or Cam Newton.

What has the anchor of being able to continue teaching, continue performing, continue pushing forward, what has that given you from a sense of calm that has allowed you to continue to kind of reflecting that back outward, to give that inner strength back to people who desperately need it? Because a workout journey can be a voice for people who don’t necessarily, I guess vocalize their feelings or emotions all that often, but it’s a chance to channel that energy in a really helpful and positive way.

Yeah, I think now more than ever for myself has been a very humbling experience to being able to teach in a time like this. Obviously, I’m going through the same feelings that a lot of other people out there are going through. Even now more than ever, to be honest with you, I feel like I’m teaching a little bit more vulnerable. I have a little more vulnerability in my classes just because of what’s going on, a lot of emotions. I’m just thankful to be in a position where I could express my emotions in a safe space. I feel like Peloton’s a beautiful safe space where I can express my emotions openly to the people and for them to also support me.

Just knowing that when I get up and get on that stage and the community is out there, pedal stroke for pedal stroke, I’m giving them light. To be honest with you, they’re giving me the same light right back. So for me, it’s been a humbling experience and I’m just blessed to be a part of this company. I’m blessed to be a part of this community. To be in a position to be an instructor is even more of a humbling experience for me. So yeah, that’s just all thanks to the man above, for sure.

You talked about your military background and also, the athlete background that people have. It seems like the tide has really turned from a male masculine perspective to be a little bit more open, to be willing to share those feelings, whether it’s guys like DeMar DeRozan or Kevin Love sharing their vulnerabilities and things like that. Something I’ve been really proud of in being a member of the Peloton community is that we can be open with that, that those things are there, that our scars are who we are. I feel like it has helped kind of stem that conversation and push that conversation forward. How has it helped you and how are you noticing from a male perspective we’re able to kind of break down some of those walls and take away some of that toxic masculinity that’s really hurt the community in the past?

Yeah, I totally agree. I think shout out to DeMar DeRozan and Kevin Love and certain players that have stepped up and been vocal about it. For myself, I’m 28 years old. I’ve been in therapy for more than half of my life and it’s been such a journey for myself. I’ve always relied on therapy, but at this point now in life, Peloton’s kind of been my form of therapy in other ways too. Meditation, various forms of therapy to keep me on point and going. I think right now more than ever, we’re at a time where it’s okay to be vulnerable because there’s no individual out there who’s going to out success their childhood traumas or scars. I think for us as men, we tend to walk around with a lot of pain and then we kind of redistribute that pain onto others when we could fix that. We could deal with our internal issues, figure out why we’re moving a certain way or feeling a certain kind of way.

Once we address that, we can turn that pain into power and turn that power into love and then spread that love. That’s what my message is always been about at Peloton. That’s how I’ve been with my entire journey in my last eight years of teaching cycling. I’m very, very authentic in my craft and what I express. I think for me, when it comes to my journey extremely, I only talk about what I’ve been through, what I’m about to go through or what I’m going through in the moment. That’s why I think it’s such a beautiful thing, especially right now, with men being a little bit more vocal because as a person who always hold back my emotions and now I’m on the opposite side where I could be vulnerable and express myself and not feel judged about it, it’s a beautiful feeling. I want everybody to understand and take that time for yourself and really deal with that pain, that internal pain, because you could turn that into power and really save lives out here, for real.

With just how tight knit the instructors are and you guys always kind of feeding off each other, learning from each other, sharing playlists around, doing everything that you do, how hard has it been in these like weird quarantine areas where you’re entering a studio when you don’t have an audience there, but you also don’t have the other instructors there to kind of push and drive you guys? How are you guys keeping each other connected?

Well, obviously we’re definitely doing the Zoom chat frequently to make sure that we’re seeing each other’s face and making sure everybody’s vibe is positive. But the best part about this, we’re supporting one another in each other’s classes. We all are home riders, so we all have Peloton bikes or treads. We’re taking each other’s classes and we’re on the leaderboard live with you. So it’s amazing. When I was teaching class and Becs Gentry celebrating her birthday, to see Robin Arzon out there taking class, [Peloton Founder and CEO] John Foley showing love, we got Jess Sims out there. So for me, as an instructor to see my colleagues at home taking class, honestly, it’s the highlight of when I’m up there live too. That’s one of the biggest things that’s been bringing me joy teaching live is knowing that the community’s there, but my instructors are there taking classes supporting one another.

Each season, HBO’s hit show Insecure features a score from today’s hottest artists. For the series’ upcoming fourth iteration, lead actor Issa Rae is taking the reins and curating the show’s soundtrack. Each week, a track from a different artist will be released ahead of the new episode’s premiere. Rae leaned on rapper Jucee Froot to put her best foot forward for the Season 4 premiere. Jucee Froot responded with the irresistible track “Eat Itself.”

Written for the series, “Eat Itself” features Jucee Froot’s recognizable raunchy flow over a heavily-layered beat. Sampling Kingpin Skinny Pimp’s 1996 track “Lookin For The Chewin’,” Jucee Froot lays down her verses.

In a statement ahead of the track’s release, Issa Rae praised Jucee Froot and the other artists she worked for the soundtrack’s curation: “I absolutely love working on the music for Insecure and this season is no different. Not only did we continue to select songs that elevate our storytelling, but we also had artists and songwriters create original music for the season. The soundtrack is the perfect mix of some of my favorite songs from the season and I’m excited to share it with fans of the show.”

Atlantic Records President Kevin Weaver echoed Rae’s excitement, saying, “Issa Rae is a cultural icon, a unique tastemaker and a creator of tomorrow’s trends. We believe this series, and this new season of the show, are the perfect vehicle to support her musical vision to curate and A&R music from a diverse arsenal of incredibly special artists that speak so uniquely to the series she has created.”

Listen to “Eat Itself” above.

Insecure premieres 4/19 at 10 p.m. on HBO.

Some of the artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE — Go ahead, re-watch this movie, you’ll see

I had always considered The Thomas Crown Affair one of my favorite movies. I’ve seen it a bunch of times, well into the double digits, usually on some basic cable channel on a rainy weekend. It has everything I want in a movie: heists, Pierce Brosnan, Rene Russo in a series of designer turtlenecks that cost more than your monthly student loan payment, etc. And so, in an attempt to chill out on a recent weeknight, I pulled it up on HBO’s streaming service to watch it yet again, to enjoy a classic fun movie that would not stress me out or make me grind my teeth with rage. It was a good plan.

Something funny happened, though, very shortly after I clicked play. I started… really hating Thomas Crown. I did not see that coming. I thought I loved Thomas Crown. He was smooth and brilliant and a real rascal. He looked great in a suit. He put together elaborate art heists. Those are all things I like and aspire to. But this time, which I realize now was actually my first full watch through in a number of years, something else became clear: Thomas Crown was a real piece of shit.

I should have realized this much earlier. I know that. Some of you are probably reading this and shaking your head right now, like, “Yeah, no shit, Brian.” In my defense, I am often blinded by cool stuff like elaborate art heists and can be as dense as a bowl of mayonnaise. It’s true, though. It’s not like it was hidden in any way, not even from the start. The guy is a mergers and acquisitions ghoul who crushes his competition for fun. This is what he says immediately after squeezing a small business in a negotiation.

To be fair, again, that’s at the very beginning of the movie. Maybe he grows from that point, learning the value of people over money and learning that it’s not always about w-… nope. Nope, he does not learn a single lesson at any point in the movie. He’s like The Grinch if, instead of returning the stolen Christmas gifts to the Whos in Whoville and joining them for a Christmas feast, The Grinch taunted them about it for a week and then gave the gifts back in a way that made them look stupid. And stole the New Year’s feast on his way out the door.

The man is a menace, a first in line candidate for the guillotine in a fictional sequel where the people rise up against the fat cats. Look at some of the other stuff he did, typed out in cold black-and-white without the charm of Pierce Brosnan to dull their impact:

• Hired and framed some guys to pull a doomed robbery that he used as a cover, then identified them in a police lineup
• Stole a priceless work of art from a public museum — where everyone can enjoy it, including schoolchildren — and kept it in a hidden compartment in his office where only he could see it
• Gaslit Rene Russo about three different times
• Forced New York City’s public officials to waste a significant amount of time and resources to chase him around in a game of cat and very wealthy mouse
• Got away
• Convinced Rene Russo to give up her career and freedom to live a life on the run as a fugitive

What a jerk. What an absolute scumbag. You could make a not-unconvincing argument that the real good guy in the movie is the cop played by Denis Leary who has a healthy disdain for everything that happens in the entire movie and never does anything wrong and just gets crapped on constantly by the entire world. At one point in the movie, he tells Rene Russo’s character about his failed marriage and the story basically amounts to “one night my wife didn’t come home and the next day she was married to a urologist.” That’s a Shakesperean tragedy in one sentence. That poor man. He doesn’t need Thomas Crown’s shenanigans. Give him a break. Geez.

I’m sure a big part of this realization is the timing and the way the world has changed since the movie came out. We’re going through our second major financial crisis since then. It’s a little harder to relate to bored billionaire corporate raiders than it was in the late-90s. I apologize, kind of, if I’m coming across as a spoilsport and ruining a fun movie for you. Please believe me, this all hurt me more than it hurts you. And yet, here I am, writing all of this down and wishing for an alternate ending where Thomas Crown gets tomatoes heaved at him in the middle of Times Square. It’s unsettling. I was so much happier when I knew nothing about anything.

Maybe that’s the lesson here. Either that or “maybe just watch Logan Lucky instead, because that’s a fun heist movie where the little guys win and stick it to a bunch of jerks.” That’s actually a good lesson regardless of context, now that I think about it. I’m glad there’s a silver lining here. This has been a rough few days for me.

ITEM NUMBER TWO — Let’s check in with some quarantined celebrit-… oh my

Well, here’s Matthew McConaughey, in character as a person named “Bobby Bandito,” teaching you how to make a facemask to battle the coronavirus, which he, at one point, refers to as “the corona v.” I love it. It’s delightful. Look at him go. The man created a character and trekked into the woods behind his house and filmed a damn monologue. Things are so weird and unsettled lately that I’m not sure we all realize how weird this is. Imagine if he keeps doing this character once we’re in the clear, just making scrambled eggs in a bandana mask in like June 2028. He might, too. We’ve all seen his Lincoln commercials.

Either way, I think it’s safe to say this was the strangest thing a quarantined celebrity did this w-…

Ah, right. This is Martha Stewart drunkenly commenting gibberish on an Instagram photo of little chicks, then immediately owning up to it. It comes just one week after Ina Garten made a cocktail as big as the moon in her own quarantine video. The Hamptons are out of control. I love it. I also love that Martha explained it a second time. Read it in your head in her voice. You can practically hear her gritting her teeth with rage.

Either way, I think it’s safe to say this was the strangest thing a quarantined celebr-…

Hmm. It appears Armie Hammer has lost his mind. And a substantial amount of his hair. And some of his shirt. Whatever is happening here, whether he’s channeling Joe Exotic or early 2000s Chuck Liddell or just messing around with the clippers after a humongous Barefoot Contessa inspired cocktail, I love it. Get weird, Armie Hammer. Famous people have so few opportunities to let their look go wild just for fun. Live your life, buddy.

Still, I think it’s safe to say this was the strangest thing a qu-

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a champion. Bless you, January Jones.

ITEM NUMBER THREE — We are not making a big enough deal out of Marshawn Lynch just being on Westworld now

We’re just not. It’s shameful. A big chunk of the blame falls on my shoulders because it is literally my job to highlight interesting and fun things that happen on television and bring them to your attention. I accept that. I will do better going forward. I’m trying right now.

It is profoundly wild, though. Like, Marshawn Lynch, a very famous professional football player who once punctuated an athletic marvel of a touchdown run by leaping into the end zone backwards while grabbing his entire crotch with his free hand, is playing a character on Westworld. A real character, too, not some “Ed Sheehan in Game of Thrones” publicity stunt. He’s been in multiple episodes. He has had numerous lines of dialogue. Just this week he called another character “Little Lord Fauntleroy.” He’s an associate of Aaron Paul’s character, who is very important to this season and is becoming more important with each episode. His partner-in-crime is played by Lena Waithe, a legitimate multi-hyphenate talent. This is a real thing that’s happening and, I think, we’ve all been entirely too casual about it to this point. It’s even crazier that it’s Westworld, not some network-y procedural. This is a twisty turn-y prestige drama here. It’s got big names and big pedigree. Freaking Anthony Hopkins was in this sucker. It would be like if, oh, I don’t know, let’s say if Rasheed Wallace popped up as a police officer in Ozark. Which I now want to happen. I might even start watching Ozark if it did.

Anyway, this is me attempting to do my part. Now it’s your turn. I know we can’t go outside to tell strangers in the street right now, so you’ll have to get creative. Maybe write “Marshawn Lynch is on Westworld” on 100 helium balloons and release them out your window on a windy day. That would be a start. People need to be aware of this.

ITEM NUMBER FOUR — I am pleased to report that Bosch has sideburns now

The new season of Bosch just dropped on Amazon. I am very excited. More excited than I have any right to be. I’m only a few episodes into this season but please be assured I will be done no later than Sunday afternoon. I am on record in many forums as being in the tank for any show where a hotshot loose cannon detective gets results while playing by his own rules, and Bosch is the purest version of that show on television. It’s also the best possible version of that kind of show, with veterans of The Wire both in front of and behind the camera. It’s a good show. That’s my point.

A couple observations from the little bit of the new season that I’ve seen so far: One, Bosch has sideburns now; and two, the damn FBI is getting in the way of his murder investigation

Hell yes. You know a cop show is about to get good when the FBI shows up to bigfoot the investigation. They’re going to screw it up and Bosch will be livid. It’s already started. Look at this absolute gem of an exchange from the second episode, which I have slightly condensed to get the point across.

“Stay in your lane.”

“My lane has no lines.”

Yes.

YES.

Wait, is a lane with no lines is even a lane?

What does that mean?

Who cares.

Doesn’t matter.

I’m so happy right now. I think I might cry.

ITEM NUMBER FIVE — Jenn Bryan, please collect your free ice cream sundae

This week, in my recap of Better Call Saul, I made an offer. I said, and I’ll just go ahead and quote myself here, “Whoever picked out the ‘Land of Enchantment’ t-shirt for Mike Ehrmantraut is now entitled to one ice cream sundae on me.” I had a good reason for making this offer: it was wonderful. Mike Ehrmantraut is the crankiest, grumbliest character on television. He barely speaks. He communicates mostly through sighs and eye rolls. He is the least likely character — possibly in the history of drama, dating back to the Greeks — to be seen wearing a bright yellow t-shirt with “Land of Enchantment” written on it. Everything about the whole thing was perfect and hilarious and I thought it would be funny to offer to buy an ice cream sundae for the person responsible for making it happen. It was mostly a joke, for funsies. But then…

I suppose I’m boxed in here. I can’t very well take it back now, can I? I don’t even want to, partially because I’m a man of my word and partially because quality work deserves to be recognized, preferably with ice cream. Jenn Bryan, if you are reading this, please feel free to contact me and I will send you a gift certificate to Dairy Queen or something. A deal is a deal.

READER MAIL

If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.

I recently saw a promo for an episode of New Amsterdam which ended with a doctor breathlessly shrieking, “We’re running out of time!” By my calculations, that line has now been said in every doctor show, ever. I know you’re a fan of the bad guy saying to the good guy, “You and I, we’re not that different.” Please name 5 other lines we are almost guaranteed to hear in various genres.

A few of my favorites in no particular order…

1. The classic exchange where a government official flies to the woods to recruit a retired person back to the field by saying “Because you’re the best there ever was.”

2. A cranky judge giving a lawyer leeway in a line of questioning against his better judgment by saying “I’ll allow it… but watch yourself.”

3. Not a specific line but I’m a sucker for a character saying the title of the movie during the movie.

4. “It’s quiet out here. Almost… too quiet.” This also works with “That was easy. Almost… too easy.”

5. Literally any time a detective is taken off the case by a fed-up chief who drink Pepto Bismol straight from the bottle and complains about the mayor “having his ass for this.”

There are many more. Some aren’t even actual lines of dialogue. I’m a huge fan of people flicking a lit cigarette into a trail of gasoline that leads to something that explodes. Just tremendous. I kind of want to start smoking again just to do this once.

AND NOW, THE NEWS

To Spain!

Look, I’m not saying I miss basketball so much that it’s driving me a little cuckoo, but I will say that — very shortly after clicking play on this otherwise lovely video of quarantined nuns playing a game of full-court hoops in their formal nun attire — I started mumbling at my computer screen like I was watching an actual NBA game. At about the 0:25 mark, one of the nuns grabs the ball in the corner near a large plant and throws it to another nun who is closer to the basket and I got mad that she passed up the wide-open corner three. Like, for real mad. I didn’t throw anything but it did bother me in a very authentic way that I have chosen not to think about anymore in case it reveals something troubling buried deep inside me. Let’s move on!

The beauty of this is that, in addition to being a video of nuns playing basketball, if also gives me a very good excuse to post the GIF of Diane Keaton in The Young Pope shooting a basketball with just the worst form you’ve ever seen.

Thank you, Spanish nuns. You have done the world a great service this week. Now, please, get someone out there to coach you up a little bit. The playoffs are coming.

Hip-hop is moving as fast as ever. Luckily, we’re doing the work to put the best music in one place for you. This week, there were videos from Earthgang, 50 Cent and Post Malone. There were also new tracks from Playboi Carti, Kid Cudi, Peter Cottontale and Chance The Rapper. Here’s the best of the rest:

Jean Deaux — “Moody” Feat. Saba

From the don’t judge a song by its title files: Jean Deaux and Saba’s “Moody” is an uptempo trap collaboration where the two have fun over a simple-yet-catchy synth melody.

Deante Hitchcock — “I Got Money Now” Feat. J.I.D

Use Atlanta artist Deante Hitchcock’s “I Got Money Now” as your stimulus check anthem. The Atlanta artist collaborated with J.I.D on a nothing to something anthem where he proclaims, “I was havin’ withdrawals now I’m at the bank makin’ deposits.”

Moneybagg Yo — “1 2 3 ” Feat. Blac Youngsta

Moneybagg Yo and Blac Youngsta remind us of brighter days on “1 2 3,” a flashy single from Moneybagg’s Time Served album.

TOBi — “180” Feat. Kemba

Bronx MC Kemba lent an introspective verse to the remix of TOBi’s “180.” He imparts the already reflective track with more weight, rhyming “I was pure as Eve ‘til I showed up in this industry / as the only covered in leaves when I realized these n****s not like me.”

Lil Keed — “No Dealings”

Lil Keed tells the haters “be quiet you a itty bitty” on “No Dealings,” a bare exhibition of his elastic delivery over a melancholy guitar. The track is another single from the forthcoming Trapped On Cleveland 3.

Currensy & Fendi P — “Smokin Potnas”

Currensy and Fendi P get animated on the Pink Panther-flavored visual for the title track of their recent collaborative album, where the ever-prolific Currensy lets us know he’s been “spendin’ that dough since the chirp phones.”

Boosie — “Right Dea” Feat. Dee Rogers

Boosie took time off from wild live streams and upsetting half the world with his bigotry to release “Right Dea,” an ode to ass seemingly tailor-made to be the soundtrack for more debauchery on his NSFW quarantine streams.

Quando Rondo Songs

Like most artists, Quando Rondo is apparently holed up in the house laying down records. He dropped off two earlier this week. Quando’s heartfelt “Nita’s Grandson” is a bluesy stream of consciousness where he pays homage to his Grandmother and culls through his life stresses. “Who Died” is a gritty portrait of the unforgiving Savanah streets.

Skyzoo — “We (Used) To Live In Brooklyn, Baby”

Skyzoo offered up another taste of his upcoming The Bluest Notes project with “We (Used) To Live In Brooklyn, Baby,” where the consummate Brooklynite laments, “sometimes I sit back, reflect on the place that I lived at / and how it was I can’t get back” over dour jazz instrumentation.

Too Short — “Pull Up” Feat. Trae Tha Truth

A pair of OGs unite on “Pull Up,” a piano-driven celebration of nights where they “get f*cked up and don’t know how to act.” Hopefully, we’ll all get to live out the fun vibes expressed on this record sooner than later.

Ambjaay — “Blow The Pickle” Feat. Wiz Khalifa

LA rapper Ambjaay is out to prove his “Uno” single, which blew up on TikTok, was no fluke. He’ll definitely get the attention of many with “Blow The Pickle,” a raunchy track that’s not at all about women putting cucumbers in their mouth. The colorful video for the track showcases him and Wiz in a stadium with a hoard of buxom women.

Tokyo Jetz — “Respect”

Tokyo Jetz isn’t for the games on “Respect,” the first single from her upcoming Stimulus Package EP. She lets her man know, “I ain’t goin’ back and forth, this ain’t The Young And The Restless” and also informs suitors “I need all apologies in blue hundreds and some head.”

Fenix Flexin — “RIP Mac P Dawg”

Shoreline Mafia’s Fenix Flexin paid his respects to fallen friend Mac Dawg, who was tragically killed in a shooting earlier this month. The sentimental track, with lines like, “RIP, know I miss you with a passion,” will resonate with others who are losing their loved ones in this treacherous moment.

Michael Christmas Tracks

Boston’s Michael Christmas dropped off a two-pack of singles early this week. “Lil Bit O’ Weed” is a fun, melodic single about a good time, while he gets analytical about the rap industry over a wailing vocal sample on “Young and Foolish,” where he notes, “If I never get to rich I won’t be bitter cause I got the best fam-a-lam.”

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Bad Trip, a hidden-camera prank movie from the co-creator of Jackass starring Eric Andre, Lil Rel Howery, and Tiffany Haddish, was scheduled to come out in theaters today, April 17. But it was pulled from the schedule, like every other movie until July, due to the ongoing coronavirus pandemic with no new release date announced. The bad news: Bad Trip isn’t getting a theatrical release. The good news: you can watch it now.

As spotted by a Redditor, Bad Trip is available for rent on Amazon, where it costs $5.99. “From a producer of Jackass and Bad Grandpa, this hidden-camera comedy follows two best friends (Eric André, Lil Rel Howery) as they go on a cross-country road trip and learn valuable lessons about life, love and friendship along the way,” the official description reads. It’s one of the first films to appear on Amazon through the company’s deal with South by Southwest, where Bad Trip was supposed to premiere.

As the New York Post previously reported:

South by Southwest Film Festival, which was scheduled to kick off March 13, will stream many of its movies on Amazon Prime instead of at the IRL event in Austin, Texas. Films that were slated to premiere at the fest included Judd Apatow and Pete Davidson’s The King of Staten Island, as well as hidden-camera comedy Bad Trip with Eric André, Lil Rel Howery, and Tiffany Haddish. They haven’t yet been confirmed for the virtual film festival, though.

They have now. You can watch Bad Trip here, and watch the trailer below.

(Via the New York Post)

Phoebe Waller-Bridge did the pandemic form of a “visit” with Stephen Colbert to promote the charitable streaming of a Fleabag stage performance, and Colbert revealed himself to be the kind of viewer who likes a good fan theory. More specifically, the host revealed that he’s been thinking too much about the Amazon TV show’s second-season fox. You know, the fox who stalked the Hot Priest, and the fox whose meaning was never really explained on the show, but of course, fans have speculated upon its symbolism. Maybe it represented the priest’s anxiety or conflicted state, and some have suggested that the fox chases the priest and brings him back to Fleabag. No one really knows, though!

Well, Colbert offered his best guess at what the animal signifies — “I think the fox is the Hound of Heaven” (a reference to the Francis Thompson poem) — which led Waller-Bridge’s jaw to drop. She expressed wishing that was her answer, and then Colbert started reciting the poem from memory:

I FLED Him, down the nights and down the days;
I fled Him, down the arches of the years;
I fled Him, down the labyrinthine ways
Of my own mind; and in the mist of tears
I hid from Him, and under running laughter.

Aaaand then he skipped to the ending:

“Ah, fondest, blindest, weakest,
I am He Whom thou seekest!
Thou dravest love from thee, who dravest Me.”

If one embraces what Colbert is suggesting, the poem’s final passage urges people not to run from God. Whether that applies to the Hot Priest or Fleabag, who knows? Fleabag was a professed athiest, and the Hot Priest chose God, so it makes more sense for this poem’s meaning to apply to him. Waller-Bridge seems thrilled to add this context to her work, but it’s not exactly Fleabag canon, just some nerdy fun.

Watch Colbert’s theorizing (and Waller-Bridge’s reaction) after the 5:00 minute mark below.

Clubber Lang got a raw deal.

Like you, most likely, I’ve had some, uh, extra time on my hands sitting here at home in my New York City apartment. And I’ve been watching a lot of movies. Some of these are movies I’ve never seen before. (For example, I watched the Humphrey Bogart/Lauren Bacall movie Key Largo for the first time. For some reason I thought it would be a leisurely romance set on an island – this is probably because of the Bertie Higgins song of the same name that I hear once an hour on the Yacht Rock station – as opposed to a movie about mobsters. Anyway, way more people get shot in Key Largo then I ever imagined.) But, other times, I watch movies that make me happy. And over this past weekend, I watched Rocky III and Rocky IV back to back.

Before we get to Rocky III, I did want to address Rocky IV for a quick second, which is probably the Rocky film that’s most absurd, and it’s also the most written about because it’s so absurd. Though it is also insanely appealing for a couple of reasons. It’s surprisingly short, clocking in at just 90 minutes. And since Stallone didn’t use Bill Conti’s score, he instead loaded it up with so many songs that would go on to be radio hits, the whole film basically acts as a 90-minute MTV video. The movie is known for basically being one montage after another, which is true, but each montage is set to a great song. There’s one in particular where Rocky is just driving around as we see flashbacks from the previous three Rocky films and the first 20 minutes of Rocky IV set to Robert Tepper belting “No Easy Way Out.” Anyway, yes, Rocky IV: highly recommended!

When Creed 2 came out in 2018, it was remarkable that it was less a direct sequel to Creed and more of a direct sequel to Rocky IV – getting into all the minutia of what happened to Ivan Drago after he was humiliated by losing to Rocky Balboa. At the time, I spoke to Creed 2 director Steven Caple Jr. and inquired if there’s a chance a similar treatment could happen to the antagonist from Rocky III, Clubber Lang, played by Mr. T. He responded, “I’m not going to lie. There was a moment where I got pretty stingy and was thinking about Clubber Lang. I was like, dang, wouldn’t it be cool if we brought in Clubber Lang?”

After rewatching Rocky III, I think this is a fantastic idea because, for some reason, Clubber Lang remains Rocky’s most underrated foe. And there’s a lot of interesting material to mine out of Rocky III because, as I watched, I found myself rooting for Clubber Lang.

Now, for a lot of reasons, 2020 is a lot different than 1982. (This may sound nuts, but back in 1982 humans were allowed to have contact with other humans.) But a big reason is I think we as an audience are more in tune with seeing stories from different angles. At least, with Rocky, in 1982, we rooted for Rocky. Now, this doesn’t seem like such a straightforward point of view. Because in Rocky III, Rocky comes off like a spoiled asshole. Now, this is by design. But the movie expects us to start rooting for Rocky as he’s mourning the loss of his trainer, Mickey, and he starts training with his formal rival, Apollo Creed. This time around, this did not happen for me. I remained fully on Team Clubber Lang. In Rocky III, it’s Clubber who comes from nothing and nowhere and becomes the champion based on pure desire. The theme song to Rocky III is “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor. This is a song about Clubber Lang, not Rocky Balboa.

There’s one particular line of dialogue that Clubber says that made me like him even more. When he’s being followed by a camera crew, he says, “I live alone. I train alone.” This movie is so weird because it wants us to hate Clubber so much. Oh, he’s mean! He yells at the press! He’s even a jerk to Apollo! (Okay, I’ll concede that maybe Clubber should see a professional about his anger issues. He does seem to have a temper.) And I think that line about him living alone and training alone is supposed to make us think, oh, what a strange guy. But I find it endearing. Rocky Balboa has access to the best trainers on the planet, and now here’s a guy who does it all by himself and becomes the champion of the world. Again, Rocky III bends over backward to try and make us dislike Clubber by basically telling us over and over that he’s a mean guy. But the facts are the facts: Clubber Lang was a self-made fighter and what he did was more impressive than anything Rocky ever did, yet the movie treats him like garbage. Enough! Clubber Lang is the real hero of Rocky III.

“Oh, but he killed Mickey,” you’re probably saying. Again, this movie secretly knows that Clubber is the hero of the story so it has to add in tricks like this to get us, the viewer, to dislike Clubber by insinuating that Clubber killed off a beloved character in Mickey. And I’ve always had it in my head that Clubber basically killed Mickey, but rewatching this again, I believe this is false. First of all, Mickey first has an issue when Rocky is fighting Thunder Lips. Mickey clutches his chest. He’s asked what’s wrong, he says, “Oh, it’s my heart,” then no medical attention is sought whatsoever. On what planet is a heart condition just treated like it’s a bought of indigestion? Mickey should have been taken to a hospital immediately.

Then, before Balboa v. Lang I, Rocky and Clubber get into a pissing match before the fight. Now, it’s Mickey who sort of charges at Clubber yelling, “Get him outta there!” Clubber then deflects Mickey away, who then has a heart attack. Now, here’s the really crazy part: Mickey still doesn’t go to the hospital. He claims he just needs to lie down. They do call for a doctor, but it’s a comically long time before a doctor arrives, which seems almost impossible at a heavyweight fight where doctors would be in abundance. And, somehow, Mickey is still alive after the fight ends. That is a remarkable amount of time that Mickey is just lying there in the locker room, not being taken to a hospital. To blame any of this on Clubber is absolutely insane. There’s no reason Mickey should have died that night and the blame is on Rocky for not calling an ambulance.

During the movie, Clubber often complained that the press wasn’t treating him fairly and that they were all in the bag for Rocky. Clubber is correct. And the movie is indicative of this claim, too. Clubber is clearly the hero of the movie. A boxer who comes out of nowhere. He has no trainer. He lives alone! And then beats the pampered champion who, we find out, had been fighting less-than-worthy challengers and refused to give Clubber his shot. The only reason Clubber got a shot at the title – and won! – is because he became “mean” and finally called Rocky out on all this in person. Clubber realized that the only way he could get what he was due was to become a jerk. If I were Clubber Lang, I’d also be a jerk. Being the obvious hero of a movie, but treated as the villain would make anyone a little ornery.

So, yeah, it’s time for Clubber Lang to get the respect he’s due, and the only way for that to happen is for the character to be resurrected by a Creed movie.

You can contact Mike Ryan directly on Twitter.