Six years from now, the COVID-19 baby boom will hit kindergarten. Though it’s hard to imagine right now what school will look like at that point (somewhat normal, hopefully?), Leigh Hedgeworth Jones of Naples, Florida has predicted what taking attendance will be like.

And oh my, is it hilariously accurate.

Kids, meet your classmates, Baskin, Charmin, Pandemica, and Kah’Rona.

It’s a joke, but you know some parents are going to go there. You just know they are, because this is 2020 and nothing is too outrageous to imagine.

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Like most people, podcaster John Roderick has been passing time in quarantine by revisiting the classics — namely, Star Wars. In a now-viral tweet, Roderick shared a question from his young daughter that has been tormenting Star Wars fans ever since Revenge of the Sith revealed that only C-3PO had his memory wiped, not R2-D2, following the events of the Prequel Trilogy:

My daughter just asked, “R2-D2 was there for the whole story and never had his memory wiped so why didn’t he just tell Luke that Vader was his father at some point?” I just sat there dumbfounded until she shrugged and walked away.

As Roderick’s daughter correctly notes, not wiping R2-D2’s memory means the spunky robot spent the whole time during A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back knowing full well that Anakin Skywalker is Darth Vader. He also knew that Luke and Leia are brother and sister, yet never divulged that fact either despite the two sharing a very awkward kiss. (Nice looking out, Artoo.)

Roderick’s tweet found its way in front of Luke Skywalker himself, Mark Hamill, who’s usually not afraid to dive into Star Wars lore on Twitter. He’s just as much a fan of George Lucas’ world as everyone else. Only this time around, even Hamill was stumped and had to bail on attempting to explain the pretty significant plot hole:

I read this tweet, thought long and hard… then just shrugged and walked away. #NoPlausibleAnswer

You can see Hamill’s reaction below:

As for a definitive answer to this conundrum, well, there isn’t one, which probably explains why Hamill bounced. Again, Star Wars fans have been mulling this one over for years. The best theories they can come up with is that R2-D2 actually did have his memory wiped sometime before meeting Luke, or he’s just a robot who’s not programmed to divine human relationships, so he just assumed Luke already knew who his father was and that Leia is his sister. Anakin being Darth Vader was simply no big deal to the little guy.

And then there’s this very plausible Reddit theory from sirlionel13:

I think it has more to do with his personality in general. He doesn’t tell anyone any more than they absolutely need to know at any given time. He doesn’t tell C3P0 that ignoring the restriction on the escape pods to launch off to Tatooine was a direct order from the Princess. He doesn’t tell Luke that his finding Obi-Wan Kenobi was important for the sake of the entire galaxy. No one even considered giving him a memory wipe at the end of the Clone Wars, even though he knew Luke and Leia survived, and where they were, and that a fugitive jedi was with one of them, and that the other was being raised by someone plotting against the newly formed empire – like they trusted him to hold out against interrogation, even when as a machine he could have information extracted directly from his memory.

R2’s just a sneaky, witty, compulsive liar, pretty much.

R2-D2 is secretly the most badass droid ever made who’ll never crack under pressure? We can get down with that theory.

(Via Mark Hamill on Twitter)

Roc Nation Sports, Jay-Z’s sports management agency, is adding the Ball brothers to its list of clientele, ESPN’s Jonathan Givony reports. Lonzo already plays in the NBA with the New Orleans Pelicans and has switched his agent three times since entering the league, starting with Harrison Gaines and then signing with Creative Artists Agency last year. LaMelo is currently rehabbing a foot injury while preparing for the 2020 NBA Draft and LiAngelo plays for the Oklahoma City Blue in the G-League.

“This was a family decision,” LaMelo’s agent, Jermaine Jackson told ESPN. “This is now an extended family. They put together a beautiful game plan with Jay-Z. The basketball game is about to change. They are going to create something totally new.”

“This is something that they are building from the ground up together,” Jackson told ESPN. “They are brothers and they love each other and that’s how they roll. It’s all love. They don’t separate from each other.”

While Jackson will still rep LaMelo, Roc Nation’s President of Basketball Raymond Brothers will be the primary agent for all three of the Ball brothers. Jay-Z’s music label, Roc Nation, expanded to include a sports division in 2013 and currently represents the likes of Kyrie Irving, Spencer Dinwiddie and Danny Green in the NBA.

Givony also noted that LaMelo, a possible No. 1 draft pick, is still considering his sneaker endorsement options and that one of his new agency’s first tasks will be to handle those negotiations.

Nav aims to continue his prolific artistry into the new year. Following 2019’s record Bad Habits, the Toronto rapper is ready to usher in a new era. Nav unveiled his upcoming record Good Intentions, and it features verses by his frequent collaborators Gunna and Travis Scott, as well as a posthumous feature from the late Pop Smoke.

Nav announced his upcoming release via an album trailer. Compiled from home-recorded clips, Nav’s Good Intentions trailer gets fans excited for his fourth studio release, which is out everywhere May 8. “I had goals written down of going No. 1,” Nav said in the trailer. “I had a vision board in my room with all the things I want. This year, I pretty much got all of them. I believe in [the] law of attraction a lot.”

Ahead of announcing his forthcoming album, Nav joined forces with Gunna and Travis Scott for the widely energetic track “Turks.” The song was a quick hit and expeditiously appeared near the top of the Billboard charts upon its debut. But “Turks” isn’t Nav’s last collaboration with the two rappers, as Good Intentions will see guest verses from both Gunna and Scott.

Watch Nav’s Good Intentions album trailer above.

Good Intentions is out 5/8 via XO. Pre-order it here.

Some of the artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Once upon a time, two of rock’s great Davids — Dave Grohl and David Bowie — had an email exchange, and it seems like it wasn’t so positive. That’s the story Grohl tells, anyway, in an upcoming post on his “Dave’s True Stories” Instagram page.

Billboard has an exclusive early look at Grohl’s next tale (which is set to drop this week), and in it, he starts writing about how he got an email from Bowie, in which the legend told him to “f*ck off”:

“‘Well, that’s settled. Now f*ck off.’

Frozen in my living room chair, my stomach dropped like a lead weight as I stared down at my laptop screen in horror. Fingers trembling above the cold keyboard, I read and re-read those two sentences over and over again, praying that perhaps it was just some sort of typo, some kind of cruel autocorrect disaster. But…it was no mistake.

David Bowie had just told me to f-ck off.

Believe me, it wasn’t the first time my battered ears had heard such colorful language, but from the ‘Thin White Duke’ himself? What could I have possibly done to illicit such a soul-crushing reaction? Was it something I said? Or, had I done that thing that I always do when faced with a bonifide legend, nervously displaying all of my most annoying tendencies? (There are many, trust me) I retraced all of our brief encounters together over the years, digging back into….My Life with David Bowie (God, how I wish that were the title of my book….).”

If you’re not caught up, check out Grohl’s other story posts here, and follow the account to learn soon what peeved Bowie so much.

The NBA 2K League, like every other sports entity, has been preparing for the upcoming season with uncertainty about exactly how it will look. However, unlike the NBA, WNBA, NHL, and MLB, being an eSports league affords them an opportunity to craft a plan for starting on time with their players all participating from home.

On Monday, the 2K League announced they would indeed be starting their season on May 5, with six weeks of planned remote gameplay with players from all teams, as well as announcers, all working from home. All 23 teams will participate in the remote season, with games being broadcast on the league’s YouTube and Twitch channels.

“We are thrilled to officially tip off the 2020 NBA 2K League season remotely and hope the excitement of NBA 2K League competition provides both new and returning fans with a fun way to stay connected and engage with our league during these unprecedented times,” said NBA 2K League Managing Director Brendan Donohue. “Our players have been quarantining with their teammates as they prepare for the season and will now have the opportunity to compete against one another and show they are the best players in the world.”

The remote season schedule will take place as follows, with four matchups happening each Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, starting at 7 p.m. ET.

May 5 – 8 Regular Season – Week 1
May 12 – 15 Regular Season – Week 2
May 19 – 22 Regular Season – Week 3
May 26 – 29 Regular Season – Week 4
June 2 – 5 Regular Season – Week 5
June 9 – 12 Regular Season – Week 6

Each team will play eight matches over the six week remote period, with matches played in a best-of-three format and each series win counts as a regular season win and each series loss will count as a regular season loss.

On the latest episode of People’s Party With Talib Kweli, Soul Plane director Jessy Terrero stops by the Uproxx offices to detail his peculiar rise through the entertainment industry. After getting his start as an extra in Juice, Terrero became a highly sought music video director for 50 Cent, G-Unit, and more, actually taking a pay cut to get in on the ground floor with the Queens rap crew. Videos directed by Terrero include Lloyd Banks’ videos for “I’m So Fly” and “On Fire” and 50’s videos for “Candy Shop,” “Outta Control,” and “Wanksta.”

As he explains to Kweli, the budgets for G-Unit’s videos were much lower than Terrero’s rate, but the Queens-bred director saw potential in the hometown hero. “I’m jumping on this because I believed in this from my neighborhood and the rest is history,” he elaborates. “We created a good chemistry and just started rocking from that point.” Terrero says, at one point, he was so closely associated with G-Unit that, “I used to go to the club and people used to run up on me. People don’t be running up on Dave Myers because he’s working with Jay-Z… Me and 50 just built a great relationship.

People’s Party is a weekly interview show hosted by Talib Kweli with big-name guests exploring hip-hop, culture, and politics. Subscribe via Apple, Spotify, or YouTube.

The star of Sunday night’s episodes of The Last Dance was Dennis Rodman, as the eccentric Hall of Fame forward took center stage as the documentary dove into the Bulls-Pistons rivalry, Rodman’s addition to the team, how much he helped Jordan and Pippen, and how Phil Jackson managed Rodman’s unique personality and needs.

The story that stuck out for most was Rodman being granted a 48-hour vacation to Las Vegas in the middle of the season, but not returning on time and forcing Michael Jordan to go get him. Carmen Electra, Rodman’s ex-wife, recalled how that went down, with Jordan banging on the door and dragging Rodman back to the team while she hid behind a couch.

The documentary only scratched the surface of Rodman’s off-court escapades, but luckily for those wanting more Rodman-Electra stories, Greg Braxton of the Los Angeles Times spoke with Electra recently to get even more insight into her relationship with The Worm and reveal some more wild stories. There are many in the interview, but the one that sticks out the most is Electra recalling the time Rodman blindfolded her and drove her, on his motorcycle, to the Bulls facility and then they had sex all over the place.

“One day when the Bulls had an off day from practicing, Dennis said he had a surprise for me,” she said. “He blindfolds me and we get on his motorcycle. When he finally takes my blindfold off, we’re standing at the Bulls practice facility, center court. It was crazy, like two kids in a candy store. We were eating Popsicles from the fridge and pretty much having sex all over the damn place — in the physical therapy room, in the weight room. Obviously on the court.”

She bursts out laughing. “To be honest, I don’t think he’s ever worked out so hard in his life.”

I’m really not sure there is anything else to add to this, other than it’s extremely Rodman and I would pay really good money to watch Michael Jordan read this story and realize he probably sat on those training tables the next day. I imagine it would look something like this.

It’s entirely possible that someone has rapped Dr. Seuss stories before, but I’ve never seen it. Now that I have seen it, the rhyming children’s classics I’ve read over and over to my kids are never going to be the same—and not in a bad way.

Filmmaker Wes Tank has taken some of Dr. Seuss’s most popular stories and rapped them over Dr. Dre beats in a mashup so perfect it’s a wonder it hadn’t been done a million times before.

Check out his rap of the tongue-twisting Fox in Sox. If you’ve ever tried to read this book out loud, you know how challenging it is not to flub, especially the second half. To rap it like Tanks does is an incredibly impressive—and enjoyable—feat.

FOX IN SOX | Dr. Seuss Raps over Dr. Dre Beats

www.youtube.com

The comments on the videos are almost as entertaining as the videos themselves. Here’s what people are saying about the Fox in Sox rap:

“All of a sudden the coronavirus isn’t the illest thing out there.”

“Am now convinced Dr.Seuss was some rapper’s ghost writer.”

“I’ve listened to this maybe 7 times so far. Still not sick of it.”

“Yo, the tweedle beetle battle bit was fire.”

Tank also rapped the cautionary environmental tale, The Lorax.

THE LORAX | Dr. Seuss Raps over Dr. Dre Beats

www.youtube.com

And people loved it.

“I’m devastated to think that there are only a finite number of Dre beats & Seuss books. Please don’t ever stop.”

“I didn’t think rapping dr Seuss books was something I needed in my life but now I know better.”

“This is way better than the movie was.”

“Omg I just told my seven-year-old there was a new Doctor Seuss rap video, and now he’s jumping up and down screaming with excitement, and begging to go to bed… 😂😂😂 Thanks?!”

How about a little One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish?

ONE FISH, TWO FISH, RED FISH, BLUE FISH | Dr. Seuss Raps over Dr. Dre Beats

www.youtube.com

And the comments keep on coming:

“This guy just filled a niche I didn’t even know existed.”

“Dr. Seuss’ books weren’t part of my childhood. Rap isn’t really my thing. Why do I find these videos so awesome? Because they are amazing!”

“You are frighteningly good at this.”

“3:05 is the literal definition of how to hit a beat with ferocity.”

So far, it looks like Tanks has six Dr. Seuss/Dr. Dre videos on his YouTube channel, which you can check out here.

Well done, Wes Tanks. (Personal request—do The Sneetches next, please and thank you.)