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When Better Call Saul started, the big question on everyone’s mind was “When will lowly Jimmy McGill, the sad-sack younger brother of legendary attorney Chuck McGill, transform into the fast-talking Saul Goodman character we meet in Breaking Bad?” This was understandable. Saul was right there in the title. It wasn’t a difficult equation to put together.

A strange thing happened on the journey from there to here, though. With the fates of so many characters already spelled out for us (Jimmy/Saul/Gene: Omaha Cinnabon; Mike: dead; Gus: dead; Hank: dead; Huell: motel), the focus shifted to the characters whose fates we don’t know. Most notably, it shifted to Kim Wexler, a character who plays a huge part in this series and no part at all in the one that takes place after this series. This leads to the not-unreasonable conclusion that something happens between now and then. Something bad. At the very least, something… not good.

That day is getting closer. It might even be here as soon as this coming Monday’s season five finale. I’m very nervous. Some of you are too, I imagine. And so, to help us all, collectively, deal with that nervous energy, I have created a list of a few potential outcomes for Kim Wexler, ranked from least to most likely. Please note that this list is not exhaustive. Other things could happen. Some of these are just excuses to make pretty terrible jokes. I’m sorry. I’m struggling here. Cut me some slack, okay?

8. Stays married to Jimmy, no harm comes to her at any point, exists perfectly happy and healthy throughout the entire run of Breaking Bad without being mentioned or alluded to a single time

Yeah, no chance. It says a lot about how unlikely this is that I have it ranked before the joke-y entries. I just don’t see how it’s feasible, for a million reasons, but mostly because it would mean she stuck with him through his entire criminal rise and then he just up and left her to flee to that Omaha Cinnabon without so much as a goodbye. Say what you will about Jimmy McGill, he’s not that guy.

The only reason I’m even including this option is because I now kind of want a second spinoff that runs on the exact Breaking Bad timeline but just shows us Kim Wexler’s perspective of the whole thing. That would be fun. Something to consider.

7. Leaves Jimmy for Lalo and they have three children who grow up to be an unstoppable combination of ruthless, crafty, and charming, and the whole family eventually moves to Hawaii and takes over the entire state

You saw Lalo’s face when she was yelling at him. There were sparks in that room if not a crackling open flame. You saw that, right? No? It was just me? Possibly because I adore Lalo even though he’s a diabolical monster? Maybe because of his mustache? Hmm. I will need a few moments to think about this. Possibly more than a few. Give me the weekend, at least.

You can’t deny that they’d be an unstoppable team, though. Lalo’s charisma and athleticism and ruthlessness combined with Kim’s drive and quick-thinking. They could take over the drug market for the entire Southwest. Or, as I indicated above, move to Hawaii and take over the whole chain of islands instead. I think they would like Hawaii. I have this image in my head of Lalo in a tourist-y flower print shirt, with his feet up on a patio table and an umbrella drink in his hand. Kim is still in a suit jacket. She has work to do. She’s the brains of this operation.

6. Gets hired by the cartel after they hear a report from Lalo about how formidable she is as an adversary and advocate

Still very much in the long-shot category only because I suspect Kim Wexler would sooner die than represent a massive international drug cartel in its legal proceedings. She just quit Mesa Verde, for heaven’s sake. If you’re having moral quandaries about helping a financial institution push money from one pile to another, you’re probably not jumping from that to being in-house counsel for a group of wealthy drug dealers.

It would be a little funny, though, to see Kim go full-on Cartel Lawyer, all the way up to and including the flashy Mercedes and reflective Aviator sunglasses. It would also be funny to see Jimmy’s reaction to this scenario, with Kim essentially becoming a better and more successful version of the thing he was headed toward becoming. The man has an inferiority complex as wide and deep as the Pacific Ocean. This one might break him. It would be fun to watch, though. Bob Odenkirk is a treasure, especially when he’s spiraling.

5. Moves to California, changes her name to Ellen Swatello, and eventually joins the law firm of Infeld Daniels, making Better Call Saul somehow a prequel of both Breaking Bad and Franklin & Bash

I don’t see how any of us can rule this one out. Not at this point, at least.

4. Gets dumped by Jimmy, who, in a moment of moral clarity, realizes the choices he’s making — and has already made — will put those around him in danger and he can’t bear the thought of it

Doubtful but not impossible. Jimmy is in a very bad place right now, with PTSD from the gunfight and what appears to be sun poisoning on 50 to 60 percent of his body. Lalo just showed up at his apartment and terrorized his wife and his goldfish. He could do anything in the next few days. He could do this, he could run to Hawaii himself before Kim and Lalo take over and then return in time for Breaking Bad, he could try to learn how to play the guitar. Pretty much everything is on the table for him right now, decision-wise, provides it ends with him running that shady law practice out of that strip mall in time for Walter and Jesse to come calling.

It’s an exciting time.

3. Ends up dead

No. I do not want to talk about this one. I do not want to think about it. I will be inconsolable if this show kills off Kim Wexler, one of the only characters left worth rooting for on the show and one of the best characters on television, full stop. Do not do this to me. I’m begging you.

We are in a dicey place right now, though. Kim is “in the game,” to quote Mike, and she just cussed out a powerful sociopath who has killed before. Also, she quit her high-paying job to follow her dream of defending the powerless, which is at best a half-step less ominous than “after I do this one last job, you and I are going to open a cute little breakfast spot on the beach.” It’s terrifying. Put her in a bulletproof vest every day until Lalo is disposed of.

2. Ends up in jail

This would be even crueler than death, in a way. Death is sadder and more final, sure, but the idea of Kim, the mostly straight shooter who occasionally grifted expensive tequila from wealthy numbskulls, ending up in prison, possibly for or related to something Jimmy did or was involved in, well… that would be a real kick in the pants for all of us. There are a bunch of ways it could happen, too, starting with Lalo framing her for something to punish Jimmy, especially now that Lalo saw her in action. He knows she’s the competent one, the protective one, the one who puts Jimmy back together when he falls to pieces.

Get a good mental image of Kim standing in a jail cell as the bars roll closed in front of her. Hear that lock clunk and lock sound. It stinks. I hate it

1. Breaks up with Jimmy before this all gets really nuts

Three reasons this option comes in at number one:

• She should have dumped that loser a long time ago, for any number of transgressions, but “continuing to lie to her after he promised not to, occasionally about gunfights he was in that brought a suspicious murderous lunatic to the front door of her home” is as good a reason as any, if she’s looking for something fresh
• It is the happiest possible realistic ending for her and I could really use that right now, even if the Breaking Bad universe is not exactly known for giving characters happy endings
• Leaves the door open for Kim, who grew up in Nebraska, to leave New Mexico and move back home, where she could eventually bump into a very familiar-looking mustachioed Cinnabon manager in an Omaha shopping mall, which is so perfect and sweet an ending that it has no chance of working out as smoothly as I’m picturing

Whatever. Let me have this one.

The 2020 NFL Draft class is a strong one, but there’s no position that features more talent top to bottom than the wide receiver class. There are legitimately 10 receivers that you could talk yourself into as a first-round talent and there’s depth beyond that late into Day 2. As such, someone talented will inevitably become a Day 3 steal.

Our wide receiver Big Board is the largest of all position groups because, well, we couldn’t help ourselves but highlight a ton of guys. There is a clear top tier, and you’ll find all three receivers as WR1 on various boards depending on who you talk to. The top tier is effectively a football personality test, asking whether you prefer the technician, the all-around monster, or the speedster. It’s going to be fascinating to see who rises and who falls on draft day, but what’s undisputed is there is an incredible amount of talent at a position that’s never been better across the board (or more important) in the National Football League.

Tier 1

Jerry Jeudy: Scouts, coaches, and fans have drooled over Jeudy’s technical skills for the past two seasons, as he’s the been college football’s best route-runner basically since arriving on campus in Tuscaloosa. He has the productivity to match, with nearly 2,500 yards of receiving over the last two years and 24 touchdown catches to boot. He has big play ability, although he fit more into a role of reliable possession receiver next to two burners last year with the emergence of Henry Ruggs and DeVonta Smith. Make no mistake, Jeudy can still pop the top off a defense when needed and has plenty of athletic ability to go along with sure hands and off the charts footwork.

CeeDee Lamb: Lamb dominated the Big 12 for three years at Oklahoma, and has been a big reason why the Sooners passing attack has been so dynamic with three straight transfer quarterbacks (two of whom took home Heismans). He is a big, physical receiver with terrific speed and can out run, out jump, and out muscle most defensive backs. His production is almost identical to Jeudy’s over the last two seasons (2,500 yards, 25 TDs) and within this tier it really comes down to what you prefer. Lamb is an all-around beast, Jeudy is the elite technician, and Ruggs is the burner. All three will go pretty early in the first round and for good reason.

Henry Ruggs III: His speed is stupid. It is possible to be fast in the SEC, but it’s really, really, REALLY hard to make other people look slow in the SEC. That, however, is the kind of speed Ruggs possesses, and unlike traditional burners, he can do more than just blow by an opponent and sometimes catch the football. He’s not as polished as Jeudy — in fairness, no one is — but his route running is solid, he’s not afraid of battling with defensive backs (even if he won’t always be able to win said battles), and he has paws that can reel in passes. Still, his speed is next-level, and he’ll immediately be one of the fastest players in the NFL from day one. A threat to score any time he touches the ball, Ruggs caught 98 balls for 1,716 yards and 24 scores in three years for the Tide.

Tier 2

Laviska Shenault: While he seems like a pretty nice guy, some of the stuff that Shenault does on the field is flat-out mean. He’s 6’1 and 227, and while his 4.58 40 at the combine was a touch disappointing, he plays faster than that indicates. Where he’s unreal, though, is how his physicality and consistent hands let him win battles all over the field. The dude has a whole lot of dog in him, bringing a level of nastiness and toughness to the position that coaches will adore. Some injury concerns exist, and the production isn’t quite what you’d like out of a potentially elite WR1 — 149 catches, 1,943 yards, 10 touchdowns — although he wasn’t exactly in an elite offense with consistently excellent QB play or guys around him on the perimeter to help out like any of the aforementioned three players.

Justin Jefferson: Like most offensive players from LSU, Jefferson absolutely exploded last season. The production cannot be denied: 111 receptions, 1,540 yards, and 18 touchdowns in a single season is stunning over the course of one year. At 6’1 and 202 with a 4.43 40 and a 37.5-inch vertical, Jefferson has the physical profile you want to see, and when you watch him play, he’s a physical receiver with reliable hands and the ability to make contested catches look easy. It says a lot about this draft class that he is not a clear-cut WR1, and he has the potential to become a superstar. He was so dominant against Oklahoma in the College Football Playoff that they are now legally required to build a statue of him in Norman.

Tee Higgins: It’s pretty wild that Higgins isn’t a lock to be a first round pick this year, which is more due to the depth of this year’s class rather than an indictment of his production at Clemson. Higgins was a monster in his time with the Tigers, hauling in over 2,000 yards of passes and 25 touchdowns the last two years, and he’s got the ideal frame for the modern NFL receiver at 6’4, 215 pounds. He’ll be an impact starter from Day 1, and for a team needing a physical, red zone threat late in Day 1 or early in Day 2, he’ll make a quarterback and offensive coordinator very happy.

Jalen Reagor: Reagor’s production suffered due to instability and ineffective quarterback play at TCU, but he’s an absolute burner with decent size (5’11, 206) and will come in and give some offense some serious juice next season. He also is an electric punt returner, and in the NFL, if you can bring special teams versatility you’ll always increase your value. He can be a dynamic playmaker in the right system.

K.J. Hamler: There is a drops issue that Hamler needs to clean up, and at 5’9 and 178, it’s fair to question how his frame will handle the kinds of hits he will take in the NFL. The good news on both accounts is that when he gets the football, it is incredibly hard to hit him. He has game-changing speed (see: here) and jaw-dropping agility, earning himself the nickname The Human Joystick. As the WR1 for a less-than-stellar Nittany Lion receiving corps in each of the last two years, Hamler caught 98 balls for 1,658 yards and 13 touchdowns. While I would like to see him not try to score every time he touches the ball, he did this against Maryland as a result, and got a first down on this play, so what do I know? Also a dangerous kick and punt returner.

Brandon Aiyuk: The Arizona State product is a favorite of some draft folks because he can flat out go get the football. He’s got decent size (6’0, 205) but his ability to rise above defenders makes him special. He jumped 40 inches in the vertical and had a 10’8 broad jump. He isn’t the most physical guy and has some work to do in the strength area, but he’s quick (4.5 in the 40), has excellent hands, and produced a ton of big plays for Sparky last season.

Denzel Mims: A bit of a project, but if he works out, Mims is going to be very good. His physical profile is among the most impressive in this receiver class: He stands 6’3, 207, ran a 4.38, and was among the top-10 receiver performers in the vertical, broad jump, and shuttle. He also boasted the top three-cone drill time at the combine. A four-year college player, Mims caught 186 balls for 2,925 yards and 28 touchdowns at Baylor. He competes and plays hard, he’s just not a finished product as a receiver. Still, he can go and get the football (watch him pluck the pass below) and has shown impressive playmaking ability. Iron out some wrinkles and this young man will be a star.

Tier 3

Donovan Peoples-Jones: A very, very tough evaluation. The former No. 1 receiver and No. 12 overall prospect in his recruiting class, Peoples-Jones never quite looked like the potential matchup nightmare he can be during his time in Ann Arbor. Of course, he was never in a situation that took advantage of his considerable physical tools (6’2, 212, and the best vertical of anyone at the 2020 combine), as the Wolverines mixed less-than-stellar QB play with an offensive scheme that didn’t ask him to be a playmaker. His production, as a result, was meager — 103 catches, 1,327 yards, 14 scores in three years — but there is a whole lot to like here. Has some speed (4.48 40), relentlessly attacks the ball when it is in the air with fairly reliable hands, and plays with quite an edge. A dangerous option in the return game, too, as he housed a pair of punts on 89 returns over his tenure.

Van Jefferson: Van Jefferson might be one of those guys that goes late in Day 2 and after a few years of strong productivity at the NFL level, you wonder why he wasn’t more productive in college. The answer is, he played at Florida, which hasn’t exactly been an elite passing offense in, oh, I don’t know about a decade. However, Jefferson is a skilled route-runner with great footwork, solid hands, and projects to be a really helpful slot guy at the next level. Watch his LSU tape belo to see him show out against a really good secondary and see where his potential could be.

Bryan Edwards: Speaking of guys that might fare better in the pros after playing in lackluster SEC East offenses, meet Bryan Edwards, a physical specimen at receiver for South Carolina who has solid, if not eye-popping, numbers and could end up being a really nice find for someone late in Day 2 or on Day 3. He’s 6’3, 212 and had 71 catches for 816 yards a year ago in just 10 games. Those are strong numbers for a guy in a mediocre at best passing attack, and he might be a guy that pops at the next level.

Chase Claypool: As I said in our most recent mock, Claypool is this draft’s premier bully at receiver. His physical profile is the most impressive of anyone at this position — 6’4, 238, and runs a 4.42 with a 40.5 inch vertical — with some pretty solid production to back it up, catching 150 passes for 2,159 yards and 19 touchdowns despite the Fighting Irish never having elite quarterback play during his tenure in South Bend. Reliable hands, and while he’s not particularly quick, he will bowl over smaller defensive backs. As a red zone target and someone who can physically impose themselves on a defense, he’s as good as you’ll find in this class, even if he might not boast All-Pro upside.

Michael Pittman Jr.: Speaking of monsters on the outside, Pittman is 6’4, 223 and thrived in a much improved USC passing attack last year despite some mid-season QB shuffling. He pulled in 101 catches for 1,275 yards and 11 TDs, all of which led the Trojans, and had a number of games where he was just flat out dominant, including a monster game against Utah that is easily his most impressive tape of the year. You want to see more consistency game-in, game-out, but that might be a USC issue, not so much a Pittman issue. He’s got serious upside and it wouldn’t be hard to see how someone might fall in love with him as a Day 2 pickup.

Tyler Johnson: I love this dude. A prospect with a high floor, Johnson received some of the best coaching that a receiver can get by nature of playing for P.J. Fleck. He route-running might be second only to Jeudy in this class, while he has an unfair advantage over other receivers by nature of the suction cups he has on both of his hands. He stands 6’1, 206, and put forth some stupid numbers as a Gopher — 213 catches, 3,305 yards, and 33 touchdowns. He can suit up for any NFL team right away and serve as a potent option on the outside.

Tier 4

Collin Johnson: Johnson’s a tough evaluation because he only played in seven games for the Longhorns last season due to a hamstring issue, but at 6’6, 222 pounds, you can see why he’s an intriguing prospect. He’s not the quickest, but he’s big and physical and can be an excellent red zone target if nothing else for someone to scoop up in the back half of the draft.

Quartney Davis: Davis is a big slot receiver at 6’1, 201, and while he’s not the twitchy athlete some of these other slot guys are, his size plays to his advantage. He was never the most productive at Texas A&M, but then again, few have been in recent years there. He’ll be a Day 3 pickup and for the right team that wants a bigger slot guy that can battle through traffic, he’ll be a nice find.

Wild Cards

K.J. Hill: A career slot receiver, which sounds like a knock, but it’s meant here as the highest of compliments. Hill isn’t the kind of guy who will snatch the ball out of the air, but he’ll get himself open, fairly reliably catch the football, and help his team win games. He’s going to end up being his quarterback’s best friend, even if he doesn’t get drafted particularly high.

Lynn Bowden: We put him as a wide receiver despite the fact that we have zero idea what position he actually plays. His real position is “Football Player,” in part because Kentucky used him the same way that your pop warner coached used his team’s best player: Put him at quarterback and expect that he’ll just do some cool stuff. He’ll probably be listed as a receiver, but he can play WR, RB, and gadget QB in the NFL. He’s fast and smart and quick and we here at Uproxx love him dearly.

Cole Kmet: The only tight end really worth discussing in the top half of this draft is Notre Dame’s Cole Kmet. At 6’6, 262 he’s got excellent size and strength, with a solid outing at the Combine with a 4.7 in the 40 and 37 inch vertical he will be the likely target of any team really in need of a tight end on Day 2. He caught 43 passes for 515 yards and six touchdowns a year ago at Notre Dame and in an otherwise thin class, he’ll be the top prize.

From 1998 to 2002, Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were one of, if not the, highest-profile couple in all of entertainment. Their sudden break-up was apparently a messy one for a number of reasons, and in the time since, Spears hasn’t spoken much about it. Now, though, she decided to address it in a new Instagram post.

Yesterday, Spears shared a video of herself dancing to Timberlake’s 2018 single “Filthy,” and in the caption, she called her and Timberlake’s split “one of the world’s biggest breakups.” She also wrote about the respect she has for Timberlake’s musical abilities, saying, “This is my version of Snapchat or TikTok or whatever the cool thing you’re supposed to do these days !!!!! As you can see I’m not really dancing folks …… I’m just very bored. PS I know we had one of the world’s biggest breakups 20 years ago …… but hey the man is a genius !!!! Great song JT !!!! Pssss if you KNOW WHAT’S GOOD !!!!!!”

Timberlake himself took to the comments, responding with a crying laughing emoji and three raising hands emojis.

Spears later uploaded another similar video of herself dancing to “Filthy.” As of this post, the first video has over 2.6 million views, and the second has topped 2.1 million.

Spears has remained active online during the ongoing pandemic. Last month, for example, she jokingly/mistakenly claimed to have run the fastest 100-meter dash of all time.

Since announcing her pivot to a solo career, Paramore’s Hayley Williams has been steadily releasing new music for months. The prolific singer shared her EP Petals For Armor I a few months ago, and she’s now setting her sights on a full-length effort. The singer continues to preview her upcoming release with “Why We Ever.”

Alongside the track’s release, Williams explained “Why We Ever” is about an introspective period in her life:

“In Dec 2018, i bought protools, an interface, and some speakers and decided to learn something new. these moments are from my first go at it (we’re talking out of time/phase/tune… etc!)… i was at the lowest point i’d been in some time. my sadness shows. now i look back and credit this night as being the beginning of a new season of my life, where i hold myself accountable for learning to love better. i’ve let myself down a lot in love. this was the start of recognizing my bad patterns and acknowledging that i’m ready to grow out of them. thank you @micahtawlks for helping finish and reimagine this one for the album.”

Ahead of the track’s release, Williams showed how busy she’s been in quarantine. During an at-home livestream, Williams performed a cover of Tegan And Sara’s 2004 track “Call It Off.”

Listen to “Why We Ever” above.

Petals For Armor is out 5/8 via Atlantic. Pre-order it here.

Hayley Williams is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Previously on the Ins and Outs of AEW Dynamite: ‘The Man’ Dr. Britt Baker wrestled with blood all over her face, Best Friends experienced the Ultimate Venom Arm, and Matt Hardy challenged Chris Jericho to an “Elite Deletion” in a rural North Carolina backyard.

If you’d like to keep up with this column and its thinly veiled Best and Worst format, you can keep tabs on the Ins and Outs of AEW Dynamite tag page. I’m also recapping Dark, which you can keep up with here, and you can keep track of all things All Elite here.

Follow With Spandex on Twitter and Facebook. You can also follow me on Twitter, where everything and everyone is terrible.

And now, the Ins and Outs of All Elite Wrestling Dynamite for April 15, 2020.

All In: They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?

As expected, Murderous Mohawk Lance Archer continued his dominance over such high-ranking peers as 3-foot-8 Marko Stunt and the Enhancement Talent Agency’s own Alan Angels with a decisive win over Humorist Colt Cabana in round one of the TNT Championship Tournament.

What I really enjoyed about this is how Colt never seemed like he had much of a chance to win, because why should he, but he still wrestled it like he COULD win. Like he WANTED to win. That’s something a lot of people who are about to lose fail to remember, and I appreciate it a lot. Colt’s outmatched, but he keeps fighting and trying things. He looks like a guy with a gameplan, win or lose, trying to turn years of experience and success into the right combination of … whatever to stop this giant, enraged Texan with braided quilts growing out of the top of his head. Colt never just looks like he’s in there to take moves, and it not only makes him look better, it makes LANCE look better, and makes the match like five times more enjoyable to watch.

Also, bruh, if it took Cody 20+ minutes to put away Shawn Spears, he’s going to need to bring a harpoon gun into the ring with him to survive Lance Archer. Best of luck!

The Doctor Is All In

So you know how Colt looked like he was still thinking and working and trying to win, even though he had a snowball’s chance in the Devil’s armpit somewhere around the equator in Hell? I like that Britt Baker doesn’t just use the “I’m a role model” thing as thing to say because people are booing her — Bayley, I’m looking in your direction — but actually tries to apply some warped heel logic to it. She’s not just saying “I’M THE BEST, ACTUALLY,” she’s setting up visual aids (in cursive) in her office so she can explain how she actually fought fair and is actually the winner while, based on the ending shot, someone sits in the chair waiting to be taken care of. Somebody went to the dentist and the dentist was like, “hold on, I need to cut a promo about how much of a bad-ass I am for surviving a deviated septum without anybody to cheer me on.” Hilarious.

DBBDMD gets a win over Cassandra Golden, wisely adopting the curb stomp in the ropes as a temporary finisher while “putting your hands in other people’s mouths” is a major health hazard. Two side notes:

• Chris Jericho is still great on color commentary, especially when he’s complimenting Britt Baker for being a smart businesswoman and breaking people’s teeth to create her own patients
• Cassandra Golden needs a talk show segment called, “The Golden Hour”

Inner Circle Zoom Meetings Should Be The Entire Two Hours

Firstly, bless Chris Jericho for doing a Brady Bunch parody, realizing there aren’t enough members in the Inner Circle to do the Hollywood Squares-style Brady Bunch grid accurately, and filling in the extra squares with two of “the hounds” and a bottle of sparkling wine.

Secondly, there’s almost too much to laugh at here. The sudden, unexplained closeup on Ortiz’s stuffed animals. Sammy Guevara loudly complaining about being called a fake Latino while butchering the Spanish language like he’s Peggy Hill. Jake Hager making his kids do “earmuffs” so he can use the word “shit” on a conference call. Chris Jericho doing an absolutely horrible job of making his own breakfast (while wearing sunglasses and a dramatic blazer, in his own house, in the morning), screaming at his assistant for not being able to find him any toilet paper, and dropping jokes like, “what do you call an idiot who’s been missing for weeks, and likes horses?”

Thirdly,

Honestly, just give Jericho a comedy variety show every week that loosely equates to what Southpaw Regional Wrestling would look like in prime-time on TNT in 2020. We can pick back up with the wrestling parts when things chill out.

All In: Orange Cassidy’s ‘Male Wares’

There’s something so sincere about the announce team of Chris Jericho and Tony Schiavone. When Tony’s with Jim Ross and Excalibur, you can see him doing his best to be professional and by the book. When he’s with Cody, he’s ostensibly out there with his boss. With Jericho, Tony has that same looseness and affability that made his WCW Saturday Night announce team with Dusty Rhodes one of my favorite ever. Tony’s not afraid to have a conversation, make jokes, laugh, and still manage to effectively call a match. It’s infectious positivity, which is a rare resource right now. Plus, how do you NOT laugh when Jericho’s loudly announcing I WOULDN’T FALL FOR THAT and screaming about how you shouldn’t kiss girls during matches? I just wish Daniel Bryan had read that rule eight years ago.

Kip Sabian versus Charles Taylor is a fun match that gives Sabian a much-needed win heading into the TNT Championship Tournament. He’s not going to beat Dustin Rhodes, mind you, but it’s nice that they took a minute to show how he might, since he’s mostly been struggling against jobbers on Dark and needing girlfriend hurricanranas to put him over even the lowest ranked opponents. It multitasks as a way to formally align Sabian and Jimmy Havoc, as well, and prospectively set up a Best Friends and Orange Cassidy versus Sabian, Havoc, and Penelope Ford match. Orange Cassidy versus evil female valets for Best Feud.

Jobbers Of The Week

Here’s Justin Law, who is somehow not a wrestling cop. You may remember him as Rudy from the film Rudy. He’s on job duty against Shawn Spears, who is doing well in regard to wins and losses but is somehow even MORE lost as a character with Tully Blanchard under quarantine. He’s “heartless” now, which is funny, because he was just on Dark aping Tommaso Ciampa. Sure. Whatever. It’s Shawn Spears.

More notably this week we get another appearance from Suge D, pronounced “sooj dee” by Tony Schiavone, better known to recent AEW audiences as “Pineapple Pete.” He’s just here to eat as much shit as Sammy Guevara’s able to shovel into his mouth, but I’ve got to say, it’s great to see Sugar getting TV time for a major wrestling promotion. That guy’s been doing largely thankless work on the indies for like a decade.

All Out: 31 Minutes Of Jake Hager

This was the dirt worst.

I thought about making that my entire recap of the match, because even thinking about it a day later makes me want to roll my eyes and collapse into narcoleptic slumber. I don’t know who saw Hager go a shaky, intensity-free 15 minutes with Dustin Rhodes at Revolution and think, “you know what would’ve made this better? If it was twice as long, and the arena was empty. And Jim Ross was doing commentary by himself.” You could’ve put 5,000 fans in the stands for this and you would’ve gotten the same crowd reaction.

I don’t know how the quarantine created this love affair between pro wrestling and long, drawn out, heatless “brawls” in silence. Edge vs. Randy Orton at WrestleMania felt like a chore to get through even though they were doing good character work, because commentary didn’t know how to call it and it felt more like they were wandering around backstage in a video game trying out all the spots instead of fighting. Johnny Gargano vs. Tommaso Ciampa did everything Edge vs. Orton did but worse, had NO commentary, and went longer. Now you’re asking JACK SWAGGER to go half an hour in a scenario those four dudes couldn’t make work?

Just to say it, because I haven’t said it in the column this week, I appreciate anybody still out here busting their asses and working hard to entertain me at the risk of their own personal health and safety. But man, when the 20 minute Billy Gunn versus Tye Dillinger match from Dark is head and shoulders better than your 30-minute World Championship match, it’s time to look at what went wrong. It stands about 6-7, went to “skewl” in Oklahoma, and makes its kids put on earmuffs so it can say “shit” into a phone. Let this be the end of Jack Swagger as anything in professional wrestling beyond a big guy with a dumb look on his face who stands around in the background and helps better wrestlers get through beatdowns.

Taz’s breakdown of Hager’s finisher was dope, at least!

All In: Top 10 Comments Of The Week

Beerguyrob

It’s a shame Dynamite is pre-taped, if only because I’d love to hear Jericho drop the names of released WWE people he’d like to see picked up.

“Oh man, Ski-a-vone, I’ve seen tougher guys on Bulgarian tanks!”

Wendell Baugh

Jake Hager is the most not it chief in the history of things that are not it.

Pdragon619

Pineapple Pete’s finisher should be the Pina Collider

Clay Quartermain

Tonight, the Dark Order declares bankruptcy and Brodie Lee lays off everyone not named Uno or Stu.

Baron Von Raschke

I am really preferring Jimmy Havok, Angry Fan to Jimmy Havok, Death Match Specialist.

SexCauldron

Hager vs Mox. I’ve never been in more agreement with a crowd

Dave M J

There are people who are all “I don’t get why people don’t like Jake Hager around here”

This match is why. This exact reason.

Mr. Bliss

Jericho could make my parents divorce enjoyable.

Nermal

I love Sabian as this hot, dumb loser who couldn’t beat a paper bag in a wrestling match solo but keeps stealing wins because of his girlfriend. It’s not a revolutionary thing but I think the two of them just execute that story and all the stuff around it (inopportunely timed makeouts, matching outfits and nicknames, and blatant, obvious cheating) really well.

AddMayne

Mrs. Hager 5 minutes ago: Jesus, Mox just beat him already

That does it for this week’s column. Thanks for reading about Dynamite! If you’re able to leave us a comment below, give the column a share on social media, and make sure you’re back here next week. Things are weird and hard all over, like Val Venis, and we appreciate you being here to read our thoughts on wrestling shows. Thank you, sincerely.

See you next Wednesday for Dustin Rhodes vs. Kip Sabian and Sammy Guevara vs. Darby Allin in the TNT Championship tournament, a sure to be excellent Orange Cassidy vs. Jimmy Havoc match, and Kenny Omega being invulnerable due to having the power of God AND anime on his side.

Around here, much of yesterday afternoon was spent trying to keep up with WWE’s mass release of onscreen talent and furloughs of backstage employees, which came in the wake of a conference call from Vince McMahon to WWE workers, in which he announced major cuts across the board. It was a rough day in wrestling, and there may be more to come.

For now, things have slowed down a bit. There have been some releases from NXT, including Deonna Purrazzo, MJ Jenkins, Aleksandar Jaksic, Alyssa Miles, Jon Quasto, and Dan Matha, as well as on-air talent Josiah Williams, who was a featured player on the WWE PC YouTube page. Purrazzo’s tweet on the subject indicates that she’s been wanting her release, and doesn’t necessarily view this as bad news:

Jenkins’ tweet, on the other hand, is heartbreaking:

We hadn’t seen much of Jenkins since the 2018 Mae Young Classic, but she had a great look and plenty of potential, and it’s a real shame she lost her job under these sad circumstances.

NXT trainers Serena Deeb, Ace Steel, and Kendo Kashin have been furloughed and will hopefully be brought back. Deeb was re-hired by WWE just a couple of years ago after being released as a wrestler for questionable reasons almost a decade earlier, so you’d like to believe they’ll do better by her this time around.

Spanish announcer Jerry Soto and writer Andrea Listenberger have also been released, and it’s always possible that more backstage personnel have been released or furloughed without their names coming out so far.

According to Dave Meltzer on Twitter, these personnel cuts will save WWE about $703,000 per month, not the $4 million figure that’s been going around. That number, says Meltzer, accounts for other expenses that have been eliminated like the planned headquarters move.

There are still rumors of more talent cuts to come, although the Wrestling Observer says that any further releases are expected to come from NXT, not the Main Roster.

Near the end of Parks and Recreation’s fourth season, Leslie Knope — the show’s tireless public servant hero played with dizzying energy by Amy Poehler — sits with her boyfriend Ben Wyatt (Adam Scott) and waits for a recount to confirm that she has just lost a hard-fought city council election. It’s a moment of rare calm on a show best known for big characters and outrageous plots centered around the various quirks of small-town government, and the stillness of it is made all the more palpable by the whirlwind of events that got us there. In that moment, Leslie has just come to the end of a months-long road of personal and professional trials that she hoped would culminate in a lifelong dream come true, only to find that the journey may be cut short. That’s when her best friend, Ann (Rashida Jones), comes in and tells her that the recount margin is still the same (just 21 votes), but this time, Leslie is the winner.

Leslie smiles as tears fill her eyes, and Parks and Rec fans everywhere follow suit. It’s a moment that plays even now, nearly a decade after it aired, as deeply fulfilling not just because our hero gets what she always wanted, but because this remarkably warm, often ridiculous comedy really made it feel like Leslie earned it.

In the modern media landscape, politics and cynicism seem to go hand-in-hand, and they have since well before Leslie Knope and her merry band of friends ever appeared on our TV screens. No decision by a political leader, no matter how large or small, can avoid dissection from 20 different angles. No government program, no matter how benevolent, can avoid being viewed in terms of “optics” or “messaging.” No one who holds public office can just come out and say something, no matter how sincere, without being picked apart. Countless pieces of entertainment, from Scandal to The West Wing, have reflected this environment in their own ways, and Parks and Recreation is no different in that regard. But in a way that even The West Wing at its most idealistic never quite managed, Parks and Rec represents a singularly great attempt to humanize politics and politicians not by turning away from the cynicism of the modern political ecosystem, but by confronting it.

We, as Parks and Rec viewers, know that Leslie Knope is nothing if not sincere, and the show’s way of portraying its characters as outsized personalities only serves to further highlight this. Because the show is so willing to go to cartoonish lengths to give us a version of Leslie that is almost superhuman in her sense of duty and loyalty, we can tell that all those framed photos of world leaders she hopes to emulate are not just there for optics. She’s the real deal, so by the time the fourth season’s election storyline kicks off, we don’t doubt her commitment to being a great public servant.

We also don’t doubt that the city of Pawnee, Indiana is going to throw every possible curveball at Leslie as she tries to win a city council seat. Pawnee is, like Leslie, an exaggerated creation blown up to such proportions that we can’t help but see its many joys and flaws with perfect clarity, which is why it’s not surprising at all when Leslie’s opponent turns out to represent the worst instincts of the town. Bobby Newport (Paul Rudd) is a likable, if dumb, heir to the fortune of the local hometown candy company. He’s easygoing and friendly and eager to please, but he’s also really just running for city council because he thinks he can win, and he’s willing to smile and shrug his way through it all just to make his father happy. He is a perfect mirror image of Leslie: selfish where she is selfless, compromising where she is principled, and entitled where she is driven, with the same cartoonish proportions that come with all Parks and Rec characters.

As the season-long story progresses — as Leslie’s underdog staff botches events, and Bobby’s family money buys him a savvy Washington insider to help him win — the sense of Leslie and Bobby as polar opposites each trying to navigate a comical small-town race is what drives the story forward, but that’s not what makes our eyes fill with tears when Leslie eventually wins. For all its exaggerations and zany world-building and silly one-liners, what makes Parks and Rec‘s major political storyline work is actually something much more human.

As her campaign fails, Leslie does not respond with chipper determination or cock-eyed optimism. She does not shrug off the careless mistakes and frustrating defeats. We get to see her superhuman facade crack as she struggles to win an election that she feels she’s tailor-made for capturing. We get to see her angry, dejected, and at times even downright petty. More importantly, we get to see her take up some of the cynicism of modern political messaging and maneuvering, as she gives in to ideas like pandering for endorsements and crafting attack ads. We get to see her despair at the idea that someone like her, who’s worked so hard and come so far, will somehow still fail anyway.

Then she wins, and we share Leslie’s tears because the cynicism was there, but it never won. Cynicism exists in Parks and Rec, and like everything else on the show, it sometimes arrives in comical quantities, but the secret to the show’s remarkably compelling political narrative is that it never lets cynicism be the final emotion. Looking back on the show now, that’s an approach that’s an increasingly important part of its legacy.

One of the most anticipated shows coming out this year (at least for anyone who misses seeing Philip Jennings’ sad face, which should be everyone) is HBO’s Perry Mason.

Based on hard-boiled characters created by author Erle Stanley Gardner, who have appeared in novels and radio and TV shows since the 1930s, the drama series “follows the origins of American fiction’s most legendary criminal defense lawyer, Perry Mason,” according to HBO. “When the case of the decade breaks down his door, Mason’s relentless pursuit of the truth reveals a fractured city and just maybe, a pathway to redemption for himself.” The city: Los Angeles. The year: 1931. The case: a “child kidnapping gone very, very wrong.” The teaser above: doesn’t give away many specifics, but it does have Matthew Rhys saying, “The way I see it, there’s what’s legal… and there’s what’s right.” That’s all I (and a thirsty HBO and Robert Downey, Jr.) need.

Perry Mason, which also stars John Lithgow, Tatiana Maslany, Juliet Rylance, Chris Chalk, Shea Whigham, Stephen Root, Gayle Rankin, Nate Corddry, Veronica Falcon, Jefferson Mays, Lili Taylor, Andrew Howard, Eric Lange, Robert Patrick, and a ton of old-time hats, premieres on HBO on June 21 at 9 p.m. EST.

Matt Berninger has had an illustrious career as lead vocalist in The National. While the band released their latest record I Am Easy To Find last year, Berninger has not stopped making music since then, especially if it’s for a good cause. The singer recently released a cover of INXS’s “Never Tear Us Apart” to benefit the Australian bushfires. Now, Berninger appeared on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert to give a virtual rendition of a Mercury Rev cover (of “Holes”), which originally appeared on a 7 inch to benefit Planned Parenthood.

For the cover, Berninger performed the song with his friend Stephen Altman on keys. The two previously collaborated together for “All I Want,” their song with Julien Baker that raised funds and awareness for Planned Parenthood. Berninger gets creative for the virtual concert, using a harmonica to color the piano’s harmonies on the 1998 track. “Come to you as friends / All those endless ends / That can’t be tied / Oh, they make me laugh / And always make me cry,” Berninger belts with his signature smokey delivery. “Thanks, Steph, thanks, Stephen,” Berninger concluded the set. “See you in person soon, I hope.”

Watch Berninger cover Mercury Rev above.

7 Inches For Planned Parenthood, Vol. 2 is out now via 7-Inches For. Get it here.