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For some people, “no” is the hardest word they’ll ever say. It’s understandable, telling someone no can create a tense social situation and we all want to be seen as a nice person.

The problem is that never saying “no” to things we don’t want to do can lead to a terrible build-up of resentment for our friends, family, or coworkers. It can also lead to feelings of low self-esteem because you can’t manage to stand up for yourself.

Left unchecked, this problem can lead to a sense of despair because your life no longer feels like it’s yours.

“There’s a well-used term for people that say yes to everyone and everything. It’s called being a people-pleaser,” communications expert Mat Apodaca writes. “It’s not bad, of course, to help out when asked to or pitch in when needed. The problem arises when you say yes to everything.”

via Pexels

So the question becomes, how do you learn to say no?

Apodaca has some practical advice to help you learn to say “no” to your boss, colleagues, and people in your personal life.

To Your Boss

Saying “no” to your boss can be tricky because you don’t want to lose your job. Plus, there are a lot of advantages to being known for going above and beyond the call of duty.

However, people respect those who have the confidence to say “no” and it can be seen as a positive trait by an employer. As Warren Buffet once said, “The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything.”

Apodaca suggests the best way to say “no” is to reframe the boss’s request in terms of workflow.

“I really appreciate you thinking of me for this project. Currently, I was planning on spending this week/month on projects X,Y, and Z. As I recall those were high priorities.”

“Wow, thanks so much for bringing this to me. Right now I have a full load working on project X & Y. Would you prefer I set aside that work and spend my time on this new project instead?”

via Pexels

To Your Colleagues

If a colleague comes to you with a request that you don’t want to do, Apodaca suggests that you be cordial and supportive, while letting them know that there isn’t enough time for you to take on another project.

Try this:

“That’s a very exciting initiative to be heading up Brian, you must be stoked! Thanks for asking for my help with the survey piece of it. Truth be told, this is not what I’d consider an area of strength for me, I’d probably slow things down. Lisa is pretty good at those, you might ask her.”

Or …

“You know I normally love doing this type of work Beth and I really appreciate you asking for my help with the layout part of it. Unfortunately, the timing isn’t good, our boss Mark has me working on a presentation to the ELT for next week.”

In Your Personal Life

We’ve all had that favor for a friend or family member that we just didn’t want to do. Whether it’s helping them move, watching one of their kids for the weekend, or giving them a ride to the airport.

Apodaca has a rule that he’s “always happy to help someone, providing they are doing the main work.” For example, if your child is complaining about not having any money, make them a budget so they learn to take better care of the money they have.

Another rule is to do the favor on your time. If someone wants help moving or hanging their Christmas lights, you tell them when you’re free. That way you have some control over the situation, and if your schedules don’t align, then you get out of having to do something you didn’t want to do in the first place.

In the end, having healthy relationships is all about setting appropriate boundaries. “Boundaries are essentially something you create in order to live the type of life you want to,” Apodaca writes. “It’s sort of like a set of guidelines that you have set in your life. From time to time, you share them with others depending on the situation.”

The new year is right around the corner, why not make creating new, healthy boundaries part of your 2021 resolutions? If you don’t want to, it’s fine for you to say no. But you already knew that.

Have you ever been part of a group project and had the overwhelming urge to punch one of your partners?

Of course you have. We all have. Even those of us who aren’t prone to violence can understand the urge. In fact, we’re all engaged a big group project right now called The Coronavirus Pandemic, and there are whole lot of people in the U.S. group who are just begging for a smackdown. Still think the virus is a “hoax”? Thwap. Wearing your mask as a chin diaper instead of covering your mouth and nose? Whpsh. Toting your AR-15 to the state capitol to threaten public officials because they insist on trying to protect public health? TKO time.

Apparently, those of us who are feeling a bit punchy these days are in good company. A new study has found that octopuses occasionally punch fish that they cooperatively hunt with, seemingly just because they feel like it. Though it’s not clear exactly why they do it, scientists say it doesn’t appear to be an act of aggression. Some think that they might do it out of “spite” or to influence better hunting behavior.

In other words, Mr. Octopus is hunting along with some annoying group of fish until he’s finally like, “Dude, you’re bugging the crap out of me. Stop it.” Thwack. Or “Dude, you’re fudging everything up. Knock it off.” Thwack.

Some scientists also think octopuses will throw a punch in a self-serving, I’m-taking-that-just-because-I-can of way. “Dude, back the hell up. That prey is mine.” Thwack.

Why some angry octopuses punch fish

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If we want to get a bit more scientific about it, octopuses are known to hunt collaboratively with fish so that they can cover more area and increase their chances of catching something. In a new report published in Ecology, scientists describe how one kind of octopus in particular, the big blue octopus (also known as day octopus), seems to express displeasure with their hunting partners by randomly lashing out, using “a swift, explosive motion with one arm.” Or in other words, punching.

That’s the word the scientists actually use. Punching. Yay, science.

It seems that the humor is just inherent in the visuals. Eduardo Sampaio, one of the study authors and a Ph.D. student at the University of Lisbon, found it hilarious when he first observed the behavior from the cephalopods he was studying. “I laughed out loud, and almost choked on my own regulator,” he told Live Science in an email.

It might seem like the most logical explanation is that the octopus is simply knocking the fish away from the prey it wants. Sampaio explained that that is what some scenarios indicate.

“Despite collaborating, each partner will always try to maximize its benefits,” he told Live Science. “In the cases where prey is readily available, the octopus seems to use ‘punching’ as a way to control the partner’s behavior in a self-serving way.”

However, the researchers also observed that there were instances where there didn’t seem to be any benefit to the octopus to punch the fish. More research is needed to figure out what that’s all about, but that’s where the “spite” speculation comes in.

It is quite something to witness—the octopus and fish swimming along nicely together when all of a sudden one of those tentacled arms flies out and punches a fish out of nowhere. It’s also fun to speculate whether the octopus is just being a big old bully or if that fish actually deserved it.

We can come up with whole storylines for why Mr. Octopus feels justified in sucker-punching his partner. Maybe the octopus is in a bad mood and the fish is just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or maybe the little guy is just super needy and hovering, and it’s the octopus’s way of saying, “Back off. Just because we work together doesn’t mean we’re gonna be friends.”

Octopuses are, after all, one of the most intelligent animals on earth. My guess is if they’re punching the creatures they’re working with, they probably have a good reason for it.

When two of the internet’s darlings get together, well, that’s amore. Excuse me, I mean that’s show business! Harry Styles has swiftly become one of the foremost pop stars in the world following his legacy-cementing album, Fine Line, so any move he makes is newsworthy. But add in Phoebe Waller-Bridge, beloved star and creator of the hit series Fleabag? That’s like internet catnip, and the fans are going a little crazy tonight after seeing apparent proof and rumored confirmation that Waller-Bridge will indeed be starring in Harry’s next music video for “Treat People With Kindness.”

After the splash of “Watermelon Sugar,” a video that’s “dedicated to touching” was released during a global pandemic that forbids just that, Harry’s next video is guaranteed to have viewers equally up in arms. Though the source of the rumors that Phoebe is involved remains unclear for now, fan accounts like Harry Styles Daily (@hsdaily) have been circulating a GIF of the two in what certainly looks like a clip from a music video:

Then, the official Fleabag account on Twitter replied to a meme from the show about the character Harry with a knowing reaction GIF:

Although “Treat People With Kindness” is one of the weaker tracks on Fine Line, it’s certainly a sentiment that could do with some good PR these days. No word yet on official release date, but that clip looked pretty much done, didn’t it?

Gucci Mane’s has had a pretty great 2020, but nothing beats this: On Wednesday, the Atlanta rapper and his wife, Keyshia Ka’oir Davis, announced the birth of their first child, Ice Davis. They delivered the news on their respective Instagram pages, with Gucci posting an elegant picture of his wife and a caption that read, “My wife just gave me a 7lb 1 oz baby boy his name ICE DAVIS 12/23/20 thank you Mrs Davis.” Keyshia shared a similar picture with the caption, “He’s here!!!!!!!!!!” while writing his name, birth date, weight, and a #ThankYouLord hashtag. She added, “OMG he is soooooo darn CUTE & PERFECT.”

Gucci and Keyshia first announced the pregnancy back in August over Instagram posts, with Gucci proclaiming that “life is great.” His wife’s message fell on the humorous side of things, with her writing, “I ain’t athletic but on @laflare1017 D I did gymnastics.” The birth comes three years after the couple tied the knot at a luxurious ceremony in Miami. Ice Davis will join the children the couple have from previous relationships; Gucci has a 12-year-old son while Keyshia has three children.

Gucci Mane is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

LeBron James and the Los Angeles Lakers have Wednesday night off as they were among the four teams that tipped their seasons off on Tuesday. James and the Lakers collected their 2020 championship rings prior to a loss to their in-town rival Clippers, with LeBron suffering an ankle injury that caused him to miss the final minutes of action.

LeBron insists he’ll be ready to go for Christmas Day, but in the meantime plans on getting plenty of attention from the medical staff for that ankle and drinking lots of wine, which he says will help his recovery. James, being the hoops junkie that he is, was excited to settle in with a bottle of wine and fire up his NBA Gametime app for the opening night of basketball around the rest of the league, but was reminded once again of the frustrations of trying to watch games from the app.

It is a time honored tradition among NBA fans to get frustrated by trying to watch League Pass, whether through their TV providers — which don’t always have an HD option — to working through the app that sometimes has its hiccups and odd presentation quirks like showing games as “LIVE” when they don’t tip for some time. It’s always fun when we get to see James, the everyman, dealing with the same frustrations as the rest of us. That James is voicing these problems he has with the app on Twitter also provides some hope that we might see some action taken to fix these issues, which would also be nice.

Last week, Swae Lee revealed a hard drive with “all my songs” had been stolen from him at Los Angeles International Airport. He even offered money to get it back. “I got 20K for anyone who found my hard drive @LAX T2 delta airlines this morning,” he wrote in an Instagram post. “All my songs are on there.” Luckily for him, he revealed in a GQ interview that the hard drive has been successfully found.

That said, Lee did reveal that, had he not been able to retrieve the hard drive, he had MP3 versions of the songs as back-up. “It’s like a movie, bro,” he said, laughing off the whole situation. “But I’m not really stressing. I’ve dealt with worse sh*t than this.” So what happened? During an Instagram Live session, someone chimed in, claiming to have the drive but adding that they would need a payment of $150,000 in return. The person later added way they would also accept a photo or a guest feature with Lee and Drake together. While the hard drive is now well on its way to Lee, it’s unknown what deal — if any — the two worked out to initiate its return.

(via GQ)

California has seen tens of thousands of new COVID-19 cases are reportedly daily. Hospitals are reporting low ICU capacity. Numerous counties are under mandatory stay-at-home orders. And yet, as per CNN, in the last couple weeks, former child star-turned-Republican and Christian activist Kirk Cameron has repeatedly organized mass Christmas caroling. And people are pissed that he’s putting untold lives at risk so he can sing and celebrate the holidays.

Not that Cameron doesn’t know what he’s doing. In an Instagram post from December 11, Cameron made clear it was both a celebration of a religious holiday and a thumb in the eye to authorities who have asked people to not endanger even more lives than have been already.

“We are going to be celebrating our God-given liberties, our constitutionally protected rights at this time at Christmas to sing Christmas songs to gather, to assemble, and to sing about the birth of our savior,” Cameron said in a video, encouraging people to meet him in the parking lot of the Oaks mall in Thousand Oaks, California.

Sure enough, dozens of people showed up, mask-less, shoulder-to-shoulder, and partaking in one of the activities that most spreads COVID-19: singing. Cameron’s pro-caroling post didn’t mention the fact that over 300,000 Americans have died, the 1.9 million cases in California alone, nor the hospital workers whose lives are now at increased risk thanks so that people can “Sleigh Bells.”

Cameron’s events may have attracted dozens, but they were condemned online by countless more. One critic was Tracey Gold, who played his sister on Growing Pains, the ’80s sitcom that made his name.

“Checking in with my dear brother Mike. @KirkCameron,” she wrote. “As your more intelligent sister I want you to know that I disapprove. I’m worried about you brother AND your family. Wear a mask. Stay home. Sing later.”

Cameron was also slammed by other former child stars.

Other entertainers condemned him, too.

Some lumped him in with other Hollywood (or former Hollywood) Trump supporters.

And others pointed out what he’s doing, which is endangering lives.

Cameron doesn’t have a great track record when it comes to Christmas revelry. Back in 2014 he starred in Saving Christmas, a comedy in which he unloaded on the secularization and commercialization of the holiday. While it made nearly $3 million at the box office — far, far lower than the faith-based hit Fireproof, which grossed nearly $35 million — it also nabbed four Razzies, including Worst Picture and Worst Actor. The Razzies tend attack pretty easy targets, but especially in light of recent events, this one seems about right.

(Via CNN)

Occasionally you read a story that sounds so much like a movie script you question whether it’s real or fake. The tale of how Flamin’ Hot Cheetos was invented is one of those stories.

Ankith Harathi shared how the beloved spicy snack came about in a viral Twitter thread, and it’s a must-read.

Harathi wrote:

“A janitor making $4/hour walked into a Fortune 500 company boardroom. Shaking, he took a seat opposite the CEO.

‘So I had an idea…’ he nervously began.

Years later, that idea would become an iconic consumer brand and make him worth ~$20M.

Here’s how that meeting went 🧶👇

Richard Montañez grew up in Cucamonga Valley, California, sharing a one-room cinderblock hut with 14 family members.

He dreaded school. Barely able to speak English, he’d cry to his mother as she was getting him ready for class.

When asked, all other students in class would eagerly shout out their dream job: Astronaut, Doctor, Racecar driver.

Richard had nothing to say. ‘There was no dream where I came from.’

He dropped out of school in 4th grade and took odd jobs at farms and factories to help make ends meet.

Some years later in 1976, a neighbor let him know of a job opening for a factory janitor at the Frito-Lay plant down the road. The $4/hour pay was more than he’d ever made.

As he was getting ready for his first day of work, his grandfather pulled him aside and said:

‘Make sure that floor shines. And let them know that a Montañez mopped it.’

Richard made it his mission to be the best janitor Frito-Lay had ever seen.

He spent his off-time learning about the company’s products, manufacturing, marketing and more. He even asked salesmen to tag along and watch them sell.

In the mid-1980s Frito-Lay started to struggle. The CEO announced a new initiative to all 300,000 employees. ‘Act like an owner’ Trying to empower them to work more creatively and efficiently.

Montañez listened.

Then, he called the CEO.

‘Mr. Enrico’s office. Who is this?’
‘Richard Montañez, in California’
‘You’re the VP overseeing CA?’
‘No, I work at the Rancho Cucamonga plant.’
‘Oh, so you’re the VP of Ops?’
‘No, I work inside the plant.’
‘You’re the manager?’
‘No. I’m the janitor.’

The CEO got on the line. Loving the initiative, he told Richard to prepare a presentation, and he set a meeting in 2 weeks time.

Stunned, Richard ran to the library and picked up a book on marketing strategies. Then, he started prepping. 9) 2 weeks later, he entered that boardroom.

After taking a moment to catch his breath, he started telling them what he’d learned about Frito-Lay and the idea he’d been working on.

‘I saw there was no product catering to Latinos.’

On the sales trips he shadowed he saw that in Latino neighborhoods Lays, Fritos, Ruffles, and Cheetos, were stocked right next to a shelf of Mexican spices. Frito-Lay had nothing spicy or hot.

The Latino market was ready to explode, Montañez explained.

Inspired by elote – a Mexican street corn covered in spices – Richard had created his own snack

He pulled out 100 plastic baggies. He had taken Cheetos from the factory and coated them in his own mix of spices.

He’d even sealed the bags with a clothing iron, and had hand drawn a logo on each one.

The room went silent.

After a few moments, the CEO spoke, ‘Put that mop away, you’re coming with us.’

Flamin’ Hot Cheetos became one of the most successful launches in Frito-Lay history. They went on to become a viral, pop-culture sensation.

Richard became a VP and amassed a $20M fortune.

Not bad for a boy from Cucamonga.”

This story has so many heroes. First, Montañez’s grandfather, who taught him to work hard and take pride in his work no matter what it was. Second, Montañez himself for having the gumption to share his idea, the initiative to quickly gather the skills he needed to present it, and the courage to approach the CEO in the first place. And finally, the CEO who was open-minded enough to hear an idea from one of his enormous company’s janitors and give him the accolades and position he deserved.

Montañez now gives speeches to help inspire others to honor their uniqueness and embrace standing out from the crowd.

See more details of his story—including how he had simply looked up the CEO’s phone number in the phone book, not really knowing that that’s not something people did— in his interview on The Passionate Few:

How The Multi-Billion Dollar HOT CHEETOS Idea Was Born! (Creator, Richard Montanez Interview)

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James Harden had come under fire in recent days after a video showed him maskless at some sort of event in Houston. While initial reports claimed he was at a strip club, Harden claimed that was not the case, and he was at a venue celebrating the business successes of a friend.

Of course, while some people were hung up on the strip club element of this, the real issue was that Harden went somewhere without a mask. Even though he had previously tested positive for and beaten COVID-19, the league announced on Wednesday that The Beard was, indeed, in violation of its health and safety protocols put forth for the upcoming season.

The news came in the midst of a press release regarding the Houston Rockets’ game against the Oklahoma City Thunder getting postponed due to the team’s inability to field a roster because of a myriad of positive COVID tests and close contacts.

It had previously been announced that both the NBA and the Rockets would investigate the video of Harden, which popped up on the site Black Sports Online. It is unclear what role Harden played in incriminating himself here — he posted a statement to his Instagram account explaining what happened and gave away that he did, indeed, go out maskless — nor is it clear if he will face any sort of punishment. As Steve Aschburner of NBA.com wrote out after the protocols were released, “Players violating the safety guidelines may face a loss of pay proportionate to any lost availability due to quarantines or reinstatement steps. Other penalties may include formal warnings, fines, suspensions or educational sessions.”

There was almost never a believable scenario in which the NBA would get through the 2020-21 season without postponements due to COVID-19 testing and contact tracing protocols, but the league certainly was hoping their first postponed game would not happen on the first full night of the season.

However, that’s exactly the case for the Houston Rockets, as their opening night game with the Oklahoma City Thunder is having to be postponed to a later date due to a positive test on the Rockets and contact tracing that has ruled out half of the team for Wednesday night’s game.

The issue for the Rockets stems from a positive test result from Kenyon Martin Jr. along with two others that were positive or inconclusive, and the subsequent contact tracing that found a gathering of much of the team — including John Wall and DeMarcus Cousins — at an apartment to get haircuts. On top of that gathering, James Harden’s latest escapade to what he described as “an event, not a strip club” that was documented on social media was ruled to be in violation of the league’s health and safety protocols and he was then ruled ineligible to play on Wednesday as well, making it so they could not field the minimum requirement of eight players.

The hope, of course, is that the positive/inconclusive test results are limited to the three from Wednesday, because a positive test rules a player out for 10 days at minimum with no exercise, with two days of individual workouts following that are required to be supervised after. The Rockets next game on the schedule is not until Saturday in Denver to face the Nuggets, and the testing results over the next few days will be critical to whether they can field a team for that game.