Tool released their long-awaited new album Fear Inoculum in the summer of 2019, but their touring plans got cut short by the pandemic. Like a non-insignificant amount of people around the world, Maynard James Keenen had to deal with the coronavirus, which he contracted in February but only just publicly revealed in a recent interview.
Keenan was speaking with the Arizona Republic about dealing with his band’s plans being thrown off by the pandemic when he mentioned off-hand that he had COVID-19, saying, “I was still recovering from having gotten COVID at the end of February. I’m still dealing with the residual effects. But it was ugly. I survived it, but it wasn’t pretty. So I definitely had to deal with that.”
When the interviewer expressed surprise at that revelation, Keenan responded, “I kind of didn’t want to run around screaming it. But it’s real. And there’s after-effects. I had to go through some major medications to undo the residual effects. Still coughing. There’s still lung damage.”
He was then asked if he was feeling OK now, and Keenan revealed that he is still dealing with the effects of the virus, well over half a year later: “Well no. I still have the cough. Every other day, I have these coughing fits because my lungs are still damaged at the tips. And I just got over the inflammation that was going on with my wrist and hands. I had an autoimmune attack on my system in the form of, like, a rheumatoid arthritis. Basically, from what I understand, it attacks weird spots and it’s random. So that’s what I got. That was my prize.”
There are many perfectly valid reasons to have an issue with Mel Gibson, especially if you’re Jewish, a woman, gay, Mexican, Black, or Weird Al Yankovic.
The Grammy-winning “Albuquerque” singer (it’s not his most well known song, but I will take any excuse to mention “Albuquerque” that I can get) recently caught wind of Gibson’s new film, Fatman, in which he plays a drunk and angry Santa Claus who’s being hunted by Justified favorite Walton “John Bronco” Goggins. “Why didn’t they just call the new Mel Gibson vehicle “Weird Al’s Intellectual Property: The Movie’?” Yankovic tweeted, along with artwork for “The Night Santa Went Crazy,” a violently jolly single from Bad Hair Day, and “Fatman,” a cartoon that appeared on The Weird Al Show.
He is correct to be upset, even if he’s joking, as “The Night Santa Went Crazy” is a perfect song and Gibson inspires headlines like, “How Does Mel Gibson Still Have a Career?” (Do not answer that question. It’s too depressing to consider.)
Why didn’t they just call the new Mel Gibson vehicle “Weird Al’s Intellectual Property: The Movie”? pic.twitter.com/bwO0l1Zyo4
If Gibson’s next movie involves fly rabbis, we’ll know Yankovic is on to something. Here’s more on Fatman.
To save his declining business, Chris Cringle (Mel Gibson), also known as Santa Claus, is forced into a partnership with the U.S. military. Making matters worse, Chris gets locked into a deadly battle of wits against a highly skilled assassin (Walton Goggins), hired by a precocious 12-year-old after receiving a lump of coal in his stocking. ‘Tis the season for Fatman to get even, in the action-comedy that keeps on giving.
Fatman comes out on November 17, but The Weird Al Show is available right now!
With the X-Men finally a part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe thanks to Disney’s billion dollar acquisition of Fox, there’s now the daunting task of casting a new Wolverine actor who will have to compete with Hugh Jackman’s career-defining time in the role. Ever since Jackman walked away from the role in the epic swan song, Logan, several actors have tossed their hat in the ring to strap on the claws, and the latest would-be Wolverine is a Hemsworth brother, who’s hoping to more permanently join his God of Thunder sibling in the MCU.
While sitting down with Screen Rant, Westworld star Luke Hemsworth revealed that he’s been eyeing up the mutant role ever since he made a brief cameo in Thor: Ragnarok.
I learned to draw through comic books, copying comic books since I was about 10 years old. Spawn was a big one for; I really loved Todd McFarlane’s Spawn. And then Batman – I would have fought Rob Pattinson for those gauntlets. And Wolverine! I’m like, “Come on, just pass them on, mate. Let’s give it to another Aussie.” I’ll have to grow some chest hair, but I’m ready for Wolverine.
While Hemsworth might have an in with the MCU thanks to being Thor’s brother, the list of actors who want to play the surly, clawed mutant is practically growing by the day, and there are some heavy hitters in the mix. Here’s a brief rundown of potential Wolverines, and we’re sure there are even more out there.
Keanu Reeves: Keanu Reeves hasn’t been shy about the fact that he’s always wanted to play Wolverine on the big screen. But while the John Wick actor thinks the time has passed for him on account of his age, Marvel Studios head Kevin Feige has repeatedly said that he’s always thinking of ways to get Reeves into the MCU.
Antony Starr: With the success of season two of The Boys under his belt, Antony Starr‘s chances of landing the Wolverine role have to be looking pretty good right now. When asked which X-Men character he’d like to play in the MCU, the Homelander actor was not shy about going straight for Logan.
Jason Momoa: During the 2019 Celebrity Fan Fest in San Antonio, Jason Momoa told fans that he’d love to play Wolverine and revealed that he grew up loving the character. While landing Momoa would be a major get for the MCU, we’re pretty sure he’s locked down tight by Warner Bros. and DC Comics, especially after the huge success of Aquaman. But if letting Momoa play Wolverine boosts his box-office draw even more, we could see Warner Bros. being open to sharing the lovable beefcake.
Fayssal Bazzi: While promoting his work in the Cate Blanchett Netflix series Stateless, actor Fayssal Bazzi threw his hat in the ring during an interview with Uproxx, and his very convincing case has the same elements as Hemsworth: “I’m Australian, I have a hairy chest, I can be the next Wolverine!” Bazzi also isn’t a big name, but going with an unknown actor is exactly the formula that worked so well with Jackman, who only had a few Australian soap operas on his resume when he scored the role thanks to Dougray Scott being forced to quit the first X-Men movie at the last minute.
Tom Payne:Prodigal Son star Tom Payne brought a unique angle to his pitch for playing Wolverine. The actor, who also had a memorable role as Jesus on The Walking Dead, told Comic Book back in April that he’d be bring a more “height-appropriate” portrayal to the role. (Fun fact: Wolverine is actually very short in the comics unlike the over six feet tall Hugh Jackman.) Thanks to being a “smaller person,” Payne says the food budget and work required for him to bulk up would be much lower. “You have to eat so much and spend so much money on food. I think I would have to work out a bit less but, still, it’s a huge thing.”
Taron Egerton:Rocketman star Taron Egerton replacing Jackman has been one of the longest running rumors since Disney acquired the X-Men, but they are just that, rumors. While Egerton has made it clear that there’s nothing behind the constant online chatter, he is flattered and not adverse to taking the part. “That anyone thinks I would be good for the part is really flattering. I love Marvel, but it’s just fan stuff. There is no grounding for those rumours,” he told British GQ.
Hugh Jackman (a stretch, admittedly): Yup, that’s right. While Jackman has repeatedly closed the door on returning as Wolverine, there are unconfirmed rumors that Marvel Studio head Kevin Feige is still trying to talk him back into the role. For the record, these rumors fall way in the online speculation territory and fluctuate between Jackman fully returning to the part or just making a brief cameo in Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. We wouldn’t put much stock in any of the rumors, but Jamie Foxx is playing Electro again, so anything can happen at Marvel right now.
Earlier this summer, Chicago rapper Cupcakke returned to the spotlight after announcing her retirement last year with “Lemon Pepper,” a standalone, upbeat anthem whose proceeds were donated to the Minnesota Freedom Fund. She followed up with “Discounts,” a roaring display of her talent for spitting eye-popping punchlines, a couple of months later. She continues her comeback today with “Elephant,” another bars-only example of just how dangerous her pen game is.
On “Elephant,” Cupcakke returns to full “rapper’s rapper” mode, blasting her way through a rapid-fire, three-minute verse packed with her signature, raunchy humor, sprinkled with some topical jokes to keep things extra zesty. There’s even a shot at Tory Lanez, who was recently charged with felony assault for allegedly shooting Megan Thee Stallion.
If her recent run is any indication, it looks like Cupcakke has refocused on music and might just be working on a new project to kickstart her once-promising career. 2019, she went on a spree of attention-grabbing social media antics in order to announce her retirement, revealing in a since-deleted video, “I will no longer be doing music. And all of my music will be coming off of every platform.”
She explained then that her decision was based on her worries about the effect her music could have on young fans, and her need to cope with a few personal problems, including a gambling addiction. While it’d be nice to see her fully back in the music game, as long as she’s in a better mental space, we’ll take these sporadic, low-stakes releases.
This story sounds wilder than a Marilyn Manson concert but could probably slide right into HBO’s The New Pope (in which Manson did briefly appear last season). I’m getting off track here because what actually happened here is equally wild. A priest in the town of Pearl River, Louisiana entered into a very compromising position with two women, one of whom happened to be a dominatrix and the other? An adult film star. The most important part of this whole story, though, is that they were having a threesome on an altar that was clearly visible from the street.
As NOLA.com reveals, a passerby noticed something unusual (on September 30) about Saints Peter and Paul Roman Catholic Church. Someone appeared to be burning the midnight oil inside because the lights were on much later than normal, and this passerby got an eyeful when they approached to take a closer look. He whipped out his phone camera to gather evidence for the police, who promptly took the trio into custody, but he wasn’t the only one recording this hot mess:
Peering inside, the onlooker saw the small parish’s pastor half-naked having sex with two women on the altar, according to court documents. The women were dressed in corsets and high-heeled boots. There were sex toys and stage lighting. And a mobile phone was mounted on a tripod, recording it all.
…
Police allege that the person “observed and had video of Ms. Cheng and Ms. Dixon” using plastic sex toys while engaging in intercourse on the altar with Clark, who was still partially wearing his priestly attire.
Reverend Travis Clark was arrested and booked, along with Melissa Cheng and Mindy Dixon, though the Archdiocese of New Orleans (nor the police) initially didn’t offer up any of the lurid details to the local community.
New details, however, have emerged in court filings that paint a lurid picture of a priest recording himself engaged in sexual role play while desecrating a sacred place within the church. Public records additionally show that one of the women, Mindy Dixon, 41, is an adult film actor who also works for hire as a dominatrix. On a social media account associated with Dixon, a Sept. 29 post says she was on her way to the New Orleans area to meet another dominatrix “and defile a house of God.”
As it turns out, the trio was booked on obscenity charges, which seems fitting given that (allegedly) the “obscene acts occurred on the altar, which is clearly visible from the street,” according to local CBS affiliate KLFY. Of course, the “allegedly” term might melt away soon, given that the adult film star in question, Dixon, apparently bragged about it last week on social media.
As for Clark, he’d been reverend-ing at the Saints Peter and Paul Roman Catholic Church since 2019. No doubt, he’s probably seen his last Sunday service there. Parishioners of the church, however, can rest easy knowing that some sort of ritual has been performed to de-taint the defiled church’s altar.
In Roman Catholic tradition, the altar is among the most sacred of church spaces, serving as the focal point of the Mass and the place where a priest consecrates the Eucharist during the sacrament of Holy Communion. According to church law, known as canon law, when sacred places are violated they must be “repaired by penitential rite” before they can be used again in the Mass.
Days after Clark’s arrest, Aymond went to Saints Peter and Paul and performed a ritual to restore the altar’s sanctity.
The last time we talked with Antony Starr of The Boys, he told us why it’s good to be so bad as Homelander. We spoke about how Starr often gets recognized on airplanes after his Supe botched a transatlantic plane rescue (before casually dooming all passengers to death to save his own reputation), and Homelander’s kept the awfulness going through Season 2. He did, however, get a run for his Vought International money in being the baddest Supe (and most outstanding supervillain), due to Aya Cash’s Stormfront and her Nazi ties as the weekly episodes continued to unfurl.
Still, Homelander hung in there, determined to laser the hell out of anyone who annoys him. He was finally able to move past losing (read: killing) his mother figure and that milk addiction. Homelander briefly found love, but everything crashed down around him during the season finale that landed on Friday, October 9. Now, everyone who matters is gone or detests him, and Homelander found himself coping in his own wretched way. Oh boy, I was surprised to see him finish the season with a scene that showrunner Eric Kripke revealed had been cut by Amazon from Season 1.
As Kripke originally wrote in a Reddit AMA, that part was the “ONE SCENE that Amazon said F*CK NO, you have to cut.” Kripke didn’t understand the decision (given that the show included a superhero orgy, a head-busting oral sex scene, and more), but this scene involved Homelander being lectured by Elisabeth Shue’s Madeline Stilwell. He reacted by standing at the top of the Chrystler building, where he “pulled his pants down and started jerking off, mumbling ‘I can do whatever I want’ over and over again until he climaxed all over New York City.” As Kripke put it, “Antony was the BEST in that scene,” and I gotta say, the scene still fares well (if I can rate that) in Season 2.
Granted, the refilmed scene now plays out in a different context. Queen Maeve had threatened to expose his evil deeds to the public if he didn’t stop terrorizing his fellow Supes, and she also told him that he was unworthy of love. Even though that’s probably true, Homelander was sufficiently rattled enough to release his pent-up aggression upon NYC. Well, Antony Starr was gracious enough to discuss the “jerking off” scene with us ahead of the season finale. Yes, of course, I asked, so let’s do this.
There’s a particularly graphic scene of yours that we must discuss. We won’t spoil it beforehand, but it’s nuts. Eric Kripke said that Amazon cut it from Season 1.
Yeahhhhh. [Laughs] I know the one!
And to my surprise, it now lives.
Well, they used that scene to replace another scene, which didn’t quite work. And it took me a minute to wrap my head around it, but now, I’ve grown to love it. It’s definitely — oh, that scene, how do I describe it? — a moment of pure weakness and need, which I think fits with one of the fundamentals of the character. He’s the strongest physical character on the show but the weakest character, psychologically.
People are going to have strong reactions when they see it, but it really tells us where Homelander is, going into Season 3.
It’s one of those things where, like a lot of things in this show, outwardly it’s easy to get distracted by the visuals of it. Like so many scenes in this show are big, and they’re out there, and there’s a lot going on or something very intense visually, but if we look at what’s going on in story terms, usually, it’s quite about what’s going on in the character. And I think that full-circle moment.. and the phrase that he’s uttering in that scene?
“I can do anything I want.” Yes, that felt very… urgent.
The first time it was ever spoken, it was a moment of self-realization and emancipation, but this is going full circle in a very desperate, needy, and dare I say, vulnerable condition. Really desperate trying in a very mixed-up way to find himself again. To me, it’s a moment of pure identity crisis where there’s all sorts of — again, it’s very difficult to describe without ruining it for anyone who hasn’t seen it! — there’s all these different elements of this character coming at once, and trying to dig something up from the past that has made him feel powerful before. Yet it’s quite clear (if you look at what’s going on internally) it’s not working. It’s a desperate grasp, so I was like, “Oh wow, that scene’s gonna go there?” But to me, it works.
‘The Boys’ Season 2 finale is now streaming on Amazon Prime.
Just over a year ago (no, seriously, this season has been going on for that long), Houston Rockets general manager Daryl Morey sent out a tweet supporting protesters in Hong Kong who took to the streets in protest of the Chinese government. It set off a fire storm — one which occurred while a few NBA teams were in China — which led to the government pulling NBA games from state-run network CCTV altogether.
There hasn’t been any games on that channel for the duration of this NBA season, something that Adam Silver mentioned has caused some bottom line struggles for the league. But that is shaping up to change on Friday, as multiple reports indicate that Game 5 of the NBA Finals between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Miami Heat is slated to air on CCTV.
In its statement, CCTV cited the NBA’s assistance with fighting COVID-19 in the country as a reason for restoring broadcasts. The league donated more than $1 million and medical equipment to China earlier this year. The league and some players have expressed support for China during the past year.
“During the recent Chinese National Day and Mid-Autumn Festival celebrations, the NBA sent their well wishes to fans in China,” CCTV said in a statement. “We also took note of the league has been continuously delivering goodwill [to China], particularly making positive contributions to Chinese people’s fight against COVID-19 pandemic.”
The league’s relationship with China, beyond the TV information, has come under scrutiny by politicians in the United States, particularly right-wing politicians who claim that the league is cozying up to the country. An example of this came when United States senator Josh Hawley sent out a statement alleging that the NBA was “kowtowing to Bejing,” which led to Adrian Wojnarowski of ESPN replying “f*ck you.”
Labrinth had a huge gap between his first and second albums: Electronic Earth dropped in 2012, while Imagination & The Misfit Kid came out in 2019. He stayed busy with a bunch of efforts between and since then (like winning an Emmy for his work on Euphoria), and now he returns with more new music.
His latest is “No Ordinary,” as part of Microsoft’s new Xbox Series X and S launch campaign, “Power Your Dreams.” It’s the kind of epic and upbeat track perfect for starting a journey, which makes it perfect for the launch campaign.
Labrinth explained his recent experiences in the music industry in an interview last year, saying, “I didn’t love the music industry much because I felt like it was more about a kind of fame game than it being about music. The way I started out was instantly commercial and instant pop. I had a lot of opinions around me at the time about trying to capitalize on the success I’ve previously had but that was boring to me. I was just like, ‘I want to go and figure out what I actually want to say as an artist, and what I want to create, and what I want to put into the world.’”
The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.
— GLOW was a very good and very fun show. I love good and fun shows and think there should be more of them. Any time one gets canceled — even in a situation like this, where the previously greenlit fourth and final season was scrapped for COVID-related reasons — it bums me out a lot.
— GLOW was a smart show with cool stuff to say about women and work and figuring out how to get through life and becoming an adult and finding your own family when you would otherwise be alone. It did all of these things while also doing a number of very silly professional wrestling scenes. I have, on a number of occasions, mentioned what a sucker I am for shows that dance successfully across that serious/goofy line. GLOW was one of those shows that could make you laugh or tug your heart halfway out of your chest, sometimes in the same episode.
— It is certainly not the most important reason on this list, at least not in the grand scheme of things, but at one point GLOW introduced us to a crappy teen rock band named “Shitpope” whose big showstopper was an anti-Reagan anthem called “Mourning in America,” and the mascara-wearing shirtless lead singer made sure to specify for the audience that it was “mourning with a U.” Also, this guy was in the band and I’m still convinced, even though I know for a fact it’s not true, that he’s a Kyle Mooney character. Any show that does all this should get to end on its own terms.
Netflix
— Between GLOW getting canceled this week and High Fidelity getting canceled by Hulu earlier this summer, it has been a real brutal run for smart and fun shows about women getting cut short for stupid reasons. It’s not even just those two. Netflix killed off Tuca & Bertie, Showtime just shut down On Being a God in Central Florida after one season despite its previous renewal, etc. But those are the two that are sticking with me because I liked them so much.
— Netflix gave Ryan Murphy $100 million to make various shows about murder but they can’t free up enough money to hang onto a cool show about lady wrestlers who care about each other? Get outta here.
— It stinks especially when a streaming service cancels a show because, like, what then? Anytime a network or cable show is canceled, you hear the drumbeat among its fans who hope/beg/plead for it to get “saved” by a streaming service. But when the streaming service is the one doing the canceling, it gets dark fast. The show I can think of that made the streaming-to-cable jump is One Day at a Time, another warm and fun show that Netflix axed after a few seasons.
— In some ways, it seems like the end of an era, even though I should have been smart enough to see this coming. Streaming services started out as this oasis of content where everything just lived peacefully in massive numbers. But that was the first step. What it led to was growth and algorithms and very specific user data information that gave them numbers they could use to make very cold decisions about the products they offer. There’s a future in all of this that I don’t like. At least network executives could sometimes be shamed into keeping a good show around an extra year or two through passionate fans yelling at them about it. This feels more like three accountants looking at a spreadsheet and selecting “delete cells.” Again, I know this is naive of me to pretend like it was going anywhere else, but it still stinks.
— I will miss Alison Brie doing her hilarious Russian accent and flinging herself off the top rope of a wrestling ring.
Not a fan of any of this, frankly.
ITEM NUMBER TWO — Just a fantastic week for movie trailers, really
We have discussed the upcoming holiday movie Fatman before. In fact, I’m pretty sure we discussed it here in this column the week it was announced. I say this not to pull an “I KNEW ABOUT THIS BEFORE THE REST OF THE INTERNET,” because I am juuuuuuust barely not that obnoxious. I say just to state the obvious: the premise of this movie is basically perfect, and was so even when it was only available in text form. Here, look.
The action-comedy directed by Ian and Eshom Nelms centers on a neglected 12-year-old boy (Chance Hurstfield) who hires a highly skilled assassin (Walton Goggins) to take out Chris Cringle (Mel Gibson) after receiving a lump of coal in his stocking. Cringle proves himself a worthy adversary as he is not so jolly or festively plump, and more so skilled in weaponry after being forced into a partnership with the U.S. military to save his declining business.
A child hires a hitman to kill Santa. I could not possibly love it more. And that’s before we get to the part where the hitman is played by the great Walton Goggins and is credited on IMDb as “Skinny Man.” I could maybe do without Mel Gibson as Santa, for reasons that have nothing to do with his performance, which will probably be great because his performances were never the problem. You know the reasons I’m talking about. You’ve heard or at least are familiar with the audio. The pluralization of “reasons” is not a typo. It’s not an ideal situation.
This all comes up now because there is a trailer for Fatman, and it is just about as delightful as its premise. Does it feature a broken and beaten Santa trying to retire before being lured back into some sort of action with one last job? Yes. Does it feature Walton Goggins behaving like a maniac, shouting “FATMAN” at the top of his lungs and all-in-all just being as perfect as one expects Walton Goggins to be when one sees Walton Goggins is playing a hitman who is tasked with killing Santa Claus? Of course. Does it feature a haunting cover of “Jingle Bells” for no clear reason beyond “because that would be hilarious”? Baby, you know it does. I am very much on board for this strange and possibly deranged film. This one and the Dolly Parton Christmas movie I mentioned last week, the one where Christine Baranski fulfills her destiny by becoming a Scrooge-type character in a holiday movie. Yes, I’m aware that the two movies could not be more different once you get past the holiday theme. No, I do not want to examine my excitement about them anymore. Let’s just call it a Christmas miracle and move on.
And when we move on, let’s move on to this: the trailer for The 355, which also dropped this week:
This movie is about a group of lady spies led by Jessica Chastain who are trying to prevent an international incident. Within the first 45 seconds, we have an “I’m putting together a team” moment and a “because you’re the best, that’s why” moment when she tries to recruit Lupita Nyong’o. I have no complaints about any of this and I suspect I will watch this movie 700 times when it makes its eventual appearance in the basic cable rotation. I could easily see TNT running this and The Accountant back-to-back some Friday night. I’ll be in heaven.
ITEM NUMBER THREE — All hail the Chaotic King
The thing not enough people realize about Timothy Olyphant is that he’s a goof. Yes, sure, he looks terrific in a cowboy hat and delivers a witty one-liner as well as anyone. But the man is an unrepentant goof, just as silly as your most childish uncle, right down to the devious smile and the mischievous twinkle in his eye. Perhaps you did know this. Perhaps you’ve seen him yoink entire interviews right of the road in service of a joke. Perhaps you’ve seen him torment late-night hosts who just want to ask him about his latest project. Perhaps you listened to his podcast appearance with Conan, where he kept interrupting the host to read his own entirely fictional advertisements. Timothy Olyphant is the best.
Anyway, you don’t have an excuse to not know about it now, in part because I just told you and in part because you have either seen or should see his appearance via Zoom on Seth Meyers’ show this week. Part one is up there and is a masterclass in sewing chaos, starting right at the beginning when he gets up and goes offscreen to make a drink.
Part two might be even better.
I’ll tell you what I love: I love an actor or actress who treats the whole Hollywood machine with exactly the amount of respect it deserves, which is about *thismuch*. I don’t know if I’d want everyone to behave like this because it might get to be a little much, even for me. But drop it in every now and then to remind everyone that this is all a pretty dumb exercise that we all just decided to accept as normal? Yeah. Heck yeah. Especially if the person doing it has a habit of showing up in cool shows and being cool in them in addition to being a lovable rascal. Real double whammy, this Olyphant guy.
ITEM NUMBER FOUR — I’m sorry but I respect it
20th century fox
Entertainment Weekly’s James Hibberd has written a new book-length oral history of Game of Thrones. Little tidbits are spilling out in the pre-release promo push, from cruel on-set pranks to revealing anecdotes and so on. There will probably be more tidbits in the coming days. People love tidbits. I do, too. In fact, I’d like to tell you about my favorite tidbit to date. It’s this one.
According to Hibberd, the fourth season battle between Pedro Pascal’s Oberyn Martell and Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson’s The Mountain was shot in a Croatian amphitheater that overlooked a stable of yachts. A deal was made that each of the yachts would back off a quarter mile so they wouldn’t be in the shoot during filming. “Everybody agreed to do it—except one person,” says director Alex Graves. That person, according to “multiple people working on Thrones,” was Bruce Willis.
My reasons for liking this so much are twofold:
The reveal at the end of the paragraph that it was Bruce Willis made me gasp and cackle for reasons I still do not fully understand
Bruce Willis is behaving exactly like Dennis Frank’s character thinks he’s behaving in Die Hard 2, which has always cracked me up, because hero cop John McClane is telling him about a shooting in his airport and his reaction is all like “Whatever, hotshot” for reasons I also still do not fully understand
It continues, thank heavens.
“[The yacht] circled trying to say, ‘Fuck you, I’m in your shot,’ a couple times and we were all laughing because we were aimed away from the water at that time anyway.” Crew members called the attempted sabotage an act of “yacht rage.”
I’m sorry. I am. But I adore the idea of Bruce Willis sitting on his yacht in a Croatian lake and just deciding on a whim that he’s going to ruin the dragon show for an afternoon. Good for him. And given the way things ended for Game of Thrones, you could make a decent argument that history has vindicated him.
It is funny to picture Dennis Franz as the director he’s tormenting. Just red-faced and shouting at anyone within shouting distance. A fun visual for you to take into your weekend.
ITEM NUMBER FIVE — Book chat
FOX
I read The Dog of the South by Charles Portis this week. I had been meaning to read it for a while because a lot of people whose opinions I respect have spoken highly of it. I’ll tell you what, buddy: they were not wrong. The book is 40 years old and still an absolute blast from beginning to end. It’s beautifully weird, too. It toes that line between nothing happening and so much happening, like a Coen brothers movie. The premise is simple: There’s a guy named Ray and his wife leaves him for a doofus named Dupree and he tracks them both from Arkansas to Central America to find out why and to retrieve his car and personal effects, which they took. But that’s barely what it’s about. The whole thing is one digression after another, furious action building to nothing, anarchy introduced every few pages through new characters with ridiculous opinions about life and the world. A pelican gets struck by lightning. It’s great.
It is also powerfully funny in almost every paragraph, in an offbeat way that made it obvious to me in hindsight that someone like Bill Hader would love it and want to option it for a movie even though it would be an impossible movie to make. From a great piece about the book at The Ringer:
In a quixotic gesture, Hader obtained the film rights to The Dog of the South, fully aware of the virtually impossible challenge of bringing such an elusive and internal-monologue-driven novel to the screen in any recognizable form. “It’s incredibly hard to make it a movie. Part of what makes Portis fun is that you’re sitting at a bar with this unassuming guy and he’s telling you this hysterical story, but if you went home and told that story to your girlfriend or husband, it wouldn’t be as funny because Charles Portis isn’t telling it. Unless he’s sleeping with your girlfriend or husband, I guess.”
Yes, this just about sums it up. What a fun and good book. Go to your library and see if they have it. I bet they do. And they’ll just let you walk out the door with it as long as you promise to bring it back. Some kind of world we got here, man.
READER MAIL
If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.
From Henry:
I remember you saying a while back that The Right Stuff is one of your favorite books. It’s one of my favorites too. I give it as a gift to everyone and have re-read my old paperback copy at least five or six times. I’ve been seeing the commercials for a new series based on the book that’s going to air on Disney+ and I’m getting really excited. Are you getting excited, too? I don’t know many people who have come out and said they enjoyed the book as much as you, so I figured this was the place to come.
My friend, thank you. Both for being a fan of my favorite book ever and for reminding me that I had not done book chat in a while, which is how I ended up doing that section on The Dog of the South. This was a good email.
Unfortunately, this is where I deliver the bad news: The Right Stuff, the TV show is… fine. It’s fine! I imagine people who have not re-read Tom Wolfe’s masterpiece more than once — people unlike you and me — will like it. It’s a pretty straightforward story about the first astronauts and their families and it follows the general trajectory of the book pretty closely. I’ve seen the first few screeners and… yeah. It’s fine. It’s really fine!
What it is not, however, is the same as the book or even the movie. For example, there is no Chuck Yeager. Like, none. Not even a little. He doesn’t show up once. It’s an understandable omission from a storytelling perspective because he never becomes one of the astronauts in that initial program, but still. Come on. The chapter about him in the book — titled, accurately, Yeager — is legendary for a reason. It might be my favorite chapter of any book, and it’s on the shortlist for my favorite piece of writing. It’s weird to consume a project called The Right Stuff based on the book The Right Stuff and not mention Chuck Yeager a single time.
I don’t know. I’ll probably still watch the rest of it. And please don’t let me dissuade you if you were planning to dive in. But be prepared going in that’s it’s not going to be the same as the book. Which is fine. Just maybe less so for you and me, Henry.
A creature from the late Cretaceous period smashed sales records on Tuesday in an auction that also included works by Picasso, Pollock and Monet, leaving auction watchers wondering which anonymous buyer now owned a multimillion-dollar Tyrannosaurus rex.
Okay, yes, this article has my attention. An anonymous buyer purchased a full T-Rex skeleton at an auction. I must know everything about this all at once. Please, continue.
The T. rex skeleton, nicknamed Stan, closed the 20th Century Evening Sale, nearly quadrupling its high estimate of $8 million to bring in $31.8 million, with fees. In the 20-minute bidding war that ended with buyers on the telephone in London and New York, the price rocketed up from a start of $3 million, with the final bid ultimately taken in London by James Hyslop, head of the auction house’s Scientific Instruments, Globes and Natural History department. The buyer has not been identified.
I need to be very clear about something, just so there’s no confusion: It is extremely important to me that someone — you, Harrison Ford, an attractive person in a tuxedo or ball gown, anyone — steals this entire skeleton as soon as possible. I can wait a little bit. A few months, I suspect. We have to figure out who bought it first, and then we have to come up with a plan. I don’t know why I said “we” in that sentence. I am not planning to steal this dinosaur, as far as you or any police officer or insurance investigator knows. But I do want someone to steal it. You can’t possibly imagine the joy I would feel deep in my soul if I wake up one morning and see a news story about some stupid billionaire getting his $30 million dinosaur skeleton stolen. I would shout. And cheer. Out loud. I would read the magazine article about it and watch the movie based on the article that comes out a year later. It is very important to me.
Please. I need this.
Standing 13 feet high and 40 feet long, Stan casts an imposing shadow. Over the last two decades, researchers have theorized that punctures in Stan’s skull and fused neck vertebrae demonstrate that this Tyrannosaur was a warrior, one likely to have survived attacks from his own species. Scientists also estimate that the dinosaur would have weighed nearly 8 tons when it was alive, more than twice the weight of a modern African elephant.
Okay, so it won’t be easy. That’s fine. You don’t just not do something because it’s hard. You figure it out. It’s more rewarding, too. Think about how proud we’ll all be when we steal this freaking dinosaur. Again, I don’t know why I said “we.” It’s almost like I’m planning it out in my head.
The best place to start is defining what makes a good Scottish single malt. That really depends on whom you ask. There are several regions with their own quasi-signature styles (the peatiness of Islay being perhaps the most easily defined) — but even those aren’t monoliths. At the base level, you need a solid matrix of soft loch water, malted barley, ale yeast, old stills, and barreling (sometimes for decades at a time). Each component brings its own special something to the mix. Then there’s the human factor. The malters, coopers, distillers, nosers, warehouse managers, and blenders all have their say in what makes it into the final dram. It’s a hell of a lot to consider.
The ten bottles below are single malts from Scotland that we’ve tried and love. We’ve broken them down by price in $10 increments between $30 and $120. Of course, these picks aren’t the only bottles worth your money at their particular price points. They just happen to be our favorites (at the moment!).
Tomatin Legacy (known as Tomatin Dualchas on the U.S. market) has become recognized as a powerhouse dram at this price point thanks to a gold medal at the 2019 San Francisco World Spirits Competition. The Highland juice stands out due to its aging process. It spends time in both ex-bourbon casks and new oak casks before blending into the final product.
Tasting Notes:
There’s a thinness to the nose that entices you towards clear bourbon vanilla and mild cinnamon. Those notes remain as a sweet fruit essence arrives with a fresh ginger spiciness. The end is short but full of that spice, fruit, vanilla, and a hint of Highland malt.
Bottom Line:
This is a solid highball whisky to have your shelf, especially at this price, and even more so if you’re a bourbon drinker looking to get into single malts.
This might be one of Scotland’s best hid secrets. Aberlour Double Cask 12 spends its years mellowing in both ex-bourbon and ex-sherry casks. We know, that’s not reinventing the wheel when it comes to Scottish double casks. However, the quality and subtlety of flavors found in this expression are top-notch.
Tasting Notes:
The nose is distinctly full of sweet apple and an almost apple seed earthiness. The taste holds onto that fruit while classic sherry notes of plum, nuts, and a touch of must mingle with a dark chocolate underbelly, especially when water is added. A hint of oaky spice arrives late as the dram embraces more of its apple sweetness and slowly fades out.
Bottom Line:
This is another stellar highball base but works perfectly fine on the rocks too. I also dig this in a cocktail. Think a Rob Roy (which is just a Manhattan with scotch instead of bourbon or rye).
$50 — Old Pulteney 12
Old Pulteney
ABV: 40% Distillery: Pulteney Distillery, Pulteneytown, Highlands Average Price:$52
The Whisky:
This expression from the far north of Scotland is another distinctly unique dram. The whisky is aged in second-fill ex-bourbon barrels that have been air-dried next to the sea. The results make this a very one-of-a-kind whisky that bourbon aficionados will dig.
Tasting Notes:
There’s a clear sense of warm malts on the nose with a distinct whiff of briny sea air. The sip leans into that seaside feel with a salted caramel svelteness alongside creamy honey spiked with dark spices. That spice carries on with the salty-sweet foundation as a wisp of smoke arrives on the lingering finish.
Bottom Line:
This is an easy on-the-rocks whisky to have around. It also works as a nice sipper with some water, especially if you’re feasting on shellfish.
Speaking of no whisky region of Scotland being a monolith, this Islay expression is an unpeated whisky from a place most famous for its peated whisky. The Classic Laddie is also no-single-thing when it comes to single malt. The barley is all sourced in Scotland with a fair amount coming from Islay. The rest is up to the distiller’s whim and decided while making the batch.
When you snag a bottle, go the Bruichladdich’s website to find out what’s in the bottle, how it was barreled, and so on. We know, it sounds like a gimmick. But the quality of the juice is generally so accessible that we can forgive this particular ploy.
Tasting Notes:
These bottles are dependent on the batch, obviously, but very generally speaking, expect a baseline of Islay florals, sweetened malts, and a flourish of the sea on the nose. The palate will play in a sandbox full of tart fruits, sweet malts, blooming florals, and sea brine.
Bottom Line:
It’s always fun grabbing and bottle and then finding out how it was aged and so forth before you dive in. It’s kind of like unwrapping a present on Christmas morning and being truly surprised and satisfied with what’s inside.
$70 — Talisker 10
Malts.com
ABV: 45.8% Distillery: Talisker Distillery, Carbost, Isle of Skye Average Price:$68
The Whisky:
This entry-level expression from Talisker is also one of their best. The juice is aged in reconstructed ex-bourbon casks for ten years before going into the bottle. It’s an almost-too-easy-to-drink dram that’ll welcome you into the wider world of Talisker’s killer line up of whiskies.
Tasting Notes:
The malted barley dances with dialed-in notes of tart — green fruits up top. The sip keeps the malt foundation as a sweet berry fruit drives towards an echo of smoke laced with sea salt. The warm hug of an end adds a little spicy heat as the fruit and malt fade out.
Bottom Line:
This is a great all-around whisky. It works as a highball base, in cocktails, or a sip on a rainy day.
$80 — The Balvenie Caribbean Cask Aged 14 Years
The Balvenie
ABV: 43% Distillery: Balvenie Distillery, Dufftown, Speyside Average Price:$80
The Whisky:
This whisky — from Scotch whisky icon David Stewart — embraces the barrel finishing he’s credited with creating. Stewart makes his own rum, ages it in oak, and then uses that oak to finish this whisky after it spends over a decade in ex-bourbon casks. The results are a highwater mark in the specialty barrel finished whisky world.
Tasting Notes:
There’s a rum molasses upfront with a cut of berry fruit. The maltiness of the backbone gives way to creamy vanilla, more fruit, and buttery toffee. The taste then edges towards a Caribbean oak mustiness as it lingers on your senses and warms your soul.
Bottom Line:
This is an easy sipper, especially with a little water or a rock. Don’t sleep on mixing this into a cocktail though.
Pronounced “Oog-A-Dal,” this mid-range expression from Ardbeg is easy to fall in love with. The expression is named after the Islay loch where the distillery pulls its water. The juice is then aged in a combination of ex-bourbon and ex-sherry casks before it’s married into this peaty single malt expression.
Tasting Notes:
This is a big dram with notes of Christmas spice mingling with smoked plums, wildflowers, and a hint of ripe banana. The fruit and smoke really marry on the palate as a nice rush of spice arrives in the velvety body of the dram. The end is short, full of smoked fruit, and leaves you longing for more.
Bottom Line:
If you love the peat, this is your dram. The smoke isn’t overpowering by any stretch and really mellows with a rock or a few drops of water, allowing the fruity and spicy nature of the sip to emerge.
$100 — Highland Park Twisted Tattoo 16
Highland Park
ABV: 46.7% Distillery: Highland Park Distillery, Kirkwall, Orkney Average Price:$100
The Whisky:
This unique expression combines quality whisky with a great package thanks to Danish tattoo artist Colin Dale. The whisky is a bespoke combination of 153 oak barrels that were seasoned with Spanish Rioja red wine and 70 ex-bourbon barrels. And good news: it’s now available in the U.S.!
Tasting Notes:
Ripe peaches with vanilla creaminess counterpoint mild smoke and tart berries. The palate delivers on the nose with the addition of a red wine oakiness with a twinge of vinous spiciness. The berries, red wine, vanilla, and oak find a little more smoke and a wisp of brine as the sip slowly fades.
Bottom Line:
This is a solid sipper with a little water or a rock. Give it time to bloom and enjoy it slowly.
$110 — Oban Distiller’s Edition
Oban
ABV: 43% Distillery: Oban Distillery, Oban, Highlands (Diageo) Average Price:$110
The Whisky:
This expression is a love letter to the tiny town of Oban on the western coast of Scotland. The juice is finished in Montilla Fino sherry casks to add an extra dimension to the already finely crafted whisky from the distillery.
Tasting Notes:
A small billow of smoke greets you next to notes of sea brine, orange zest, and a hint of vinous fruit. Sweet malts form a foundation with apple, more grape, and toffee building a flavor profile above it. The salty sea comes back late as the sip fades out quickly and boldly with one last hint of smoke.
Bottom Line:
This is a great pairing dram, especially for a seafood feast. It also works as a post-meal snifter, just make sure to let it open up with a little water.
$120 — Aberfeldy 18
Aberfeldy
ABV: 43% Distillery: Aberfeldy Distillery, Aberfeldy, Highlands (Bacardi) Average Price:$120
The Whisky:
This year’s Aberfeldy 18 release embraces Malt Master Stephanie MacLeod’s continuous drive to make better and better whisky every single year. This year’s juice is finished in Pauillac wine casks from Bordeaux. The whisky spends an additional four to five months mellowing in the wine-soaked oak before it’s bottled.
Tasting Notes:
There’s a clear berry note on the nose that accentuates a mild maltiness, nutty edge, and spicy warmth. The sip embraces the brighter side of those berry notes then veers into a cedarwood and worn leather territory with a distant billow of pipe tobacco smoke. The end is mid-length, full of bright red berries, all that cedar — like a long, warm embrace.
Bottom Line:
This is another sipper that’s too easy to drink. Add a little water to really let it bloom and take your time enjoying this well-rounded dram.
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