Category: Worldwide

It’s difficult to pinpoint exactly where the gritty reboot trend started, but you could do a lot worse than Batman Begins, 15 years ago this summer. Like most things that spiral out of control, it started out fine. Good, even. The entire Dark Knight trilogy breathed new life into the superhero genre and changed the way we think about what action movies can be. I have no major complaints with any of that. The problem was that its success led to a slew of imitators, and that led to a slew of other imitators, and then there we were last Christmas contemplating the notion of a gritty Scrooge in a bleak reimagining of A Christmas Carol FX. Why? Why did we need that? Who was clamoring for a smoldering deviant Scrooge with a jawline sharp enough to slice the Christmas turkey? It’s too much. It’s entirely too much. It has to stop. Death to the gritty reboot.

Not forever. I’ll concede that much. The reason Batman Begins worked was because it was new, a reset after things had gotten a little too loose in the franchise. (Please do watch The Dark Knight and Batman & Robin back-to-back someday, just for the ride.) But things are just hopelessly out of hand. The first season of HBO’s Perry Mason series opened with a dead baby and somehow got darker from there. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is getting a just-announced gritty hour-long reboot. Last fall, there were rumors floating around about a “what if Clueless but also possibly murder?” series being shopped to networks. A few years ago, there were multiple dark Wizard of Oz projects in the works, some of them, like the short-lived Emerald City, trying to capitalize on the Game of Thrones heat, others, like the Syfy one that never made it to air, making Dorothy a man and arming her to the teeth and sending her to the future, for reasons I would have loved to hear.

My favorite example of the unnecessary gritty reboot, though, is the Little Women one that was in development at The CW. Do you remember Gritty Little Women? I do. I will never forget it. And I doubt you will either after you read this description, which manages to squeeze the Holy Trinity of Dark Reimaginings — “gritty,” “dystopic,” and “unravel a conspiracy” — into a single sentence.

Little Women is described as a hyper-stylized, gritty adaptation of the 1868 novel by Louisa May Alcott, in which disparate half-sisters Jo, Meg, Beth, and Amy band together in order to survive the dystopic streets of Philadelphia and unravel a conspiracy that stretches far beyond anything they have ever imagined – all while trying not to kill each other in the process.

I like that it says “the dystopic streets of Philadelphia” and not “the streets of a dystopic Philadelphia,” because their version implies that the regular, present-day streets of Philadelphia are a dystopia, which is not entirely unfair. (Go Birds.) But more importantly, what is this? Why was Little Women almost turned into futuristic True Detective? Why can’t we just have some nice, normal things? Hell, even USA, once home to a smorgasbord of Blue Skies, Characters Welcome programming has switched gears to keep up, making shows like The Sinner, which, to be fair, is not a reboot and not as egregiously bleak for bleak’s sake, but still a far cry from hotshots in sunglasses solving crime at the beach.

And again, I ask, why? Why are we so hellbent on doing this? It is because we’ve all lost the plot a bit, to the point that we’ve started confusing serious and sad with quality, as though anything that doesn’t involve a dead body in a dystopia lacks the stakes to be quote-unquote prestige television? I think that’s part of it, mixed in with a general trend towards copying previous successes and squeezing every cent out of every piece of recognizable intellectual property we have. Whatever it is, there’s something masochistic about the whole endeavor, about the whole “it’s just like that thing you enjoyed but now everyone is really quite miserable” aspect of it. We’re getting perilously close to a gritty Looney Tunes reboot that kills off Wile E. Coyote in the cold open and features two troubled detectives trying to pin the murder on the Road Runner. I shouldn’t have typed that. I might have just given someone an idea.

It doesn’t have to be this way, either. We can still put new twists on old things without making everyone a hopelessly depressed and unshaven heap of loose skin. Look at HBO’s Watchmen series. That took a beloved story filled with beloved characters and gave it a present-day spin that was timely, and poignant, and at times flat-out silly. It was proof that you can do everything in one show, from making a comment on racial injustice to updating iconic characters to depicting a fart so powerful that it requires two separate captions.

We can do this. We have to do this. It doesn’t have to be forever. There’s room for a gritty reboot here and there, maybe a few years down the line. But it has to stop for now. Gritty Scrooge was my breaking point. I’m not ready for Gritty Fresh Prince, too.

There have been a number of rule changes in golf that have aimed to give players a touch more leeway for accidental errors rather than being brutally penalizing, but a rule that has never changed is that a player — or his caddie — cannot test the sand in a bunker.

The most famous application of this rule came in the 2010 PGA Championship at Whistling Straits where Dustin Johnson grounded his club in a sandy area on the 18th hole that, while it didn’t look like a bunker, was treated as one by the local rules. That led to a two-stroke penalty and, as such, he fell out of a tie for the lead and did not make it into a playoff. That example has led to players at all levels being extra careful when in the sand, but an even wilder ending took place at this year’s U.S. Amateur at Bandon Dunes.

Agustin Segundo Oliva Pinto and Tyler Strafaci arrived at the 18th hole tied in their Round of 16 match when Oliva Pinto found the front right greenside bunker. As he was getting set to pick a club and figuring out how to play his shot, his caddie inexplicably walked into the bunker, bent down, and rubbed the sand with his hand — a violation of the rules that was captured very clearly on camera.

In match play, the penalty is the loss of the hole, which meant Strafaci got the 1 UP win without them completing the hole. What made it all the more bizarre was the caddie attempting to lie about touching the sand to the rules officials when this was televised on Golf Channel with multiple angles showing he clearly did. Ultimately they ruled correctly he had broken the rule, the penalty was assessed, and Oliva Pinto’s week at Bandon Dunes came to an unfortunate and rather stunning end.

Earlier this summer, Upworthy shared a story about the ugly racist past of the seemingly innocuous song played by a lot of ice cream trucks.

“Turkey in the Straw,” is known to modern-day school children as, “Do Your Ears Hang Low?” But the melody was also used for the popular, and incredibly racist, 1900s minstrel songs, “Old Zip Coon” and “Ni**er Love a Watermelon.”

Zip Coon was a stock minstrel show character who was used as a vehicle to mock free Black men. He was an arrogant, ostentatious man who wore flashy clothes and attempted to speak like affluent white members of society, usually to his own disparagement.

---

“Old Zip Coon”

OLD ZIP COON – 1834 – Performed by Tom Roush

www.youtube.com

In the early 1900s, cards with racist depictions of Black people eating watermelons while making wide-eyed looks, were popular and inspired another racist song that used the melody: “Ni**er Love a Watermelon Ha! Ha! Ha!”

Ni**er love a watermelon ha ha, ha ha!

Ni**er love a watermelon ha ha, ha ha!

For here, they’re made with a half a pound of co’l

There’s nothing like a watermelon for a hungry coon

“Ni**er Love a Watermelon”

The Truth About The Ice Cream Truck Jingle | Ni**er Love A Watermelon

www.youtube.com

Minstrel music was popular in ice cream parlors at the turn of the century, so when Americans began moving to the suburbs after World War II, the music was played from ice cream trucks to recreate the feeling of the parlor.

Good Humor started the first ice cream truck in the ’20s and had one of the largest fleets until it went retail-only. In 1978 it sold off its iconic trucks to independent contractors, some of which are still operating to this day.

Good Humor is still synonymous with the ice cream man, so the company decided to use its influence to help the ice cream truck industry replace “Turkey in the Straw” with a song that “brings joy to every community.”

So it teamed up with RZA, the legendary producer, rapper, composer, and founding member of the Wu-Tang Clan. RZA has also scored a number of films, most notably “Kill Bill: Volume 1” (2003) and “Kill Bill: Volume 2” (2004).

The new jingle will be available to ice cream trucks in the U.S. starting in August through music boxes from Nichols Electronics, the sole manufacturer of electronic music boxes for ice cream trucks in the United States.

In the wake of a renewed discussion over the jingle’s history, the company’s owner, Mark Nichols, told Good Humor it would remove “Turkey in the Straw” from its music boxes.

Here’s the new jingle.

Good Humor x RZA: A New Ice Cream Truck Jingle for a New Era

www.youtube.com

Upworthy got the chance to talk with RZA about his new jingle, ice cream, and how we should deal with troublesome art and artists from the past.

Upworthy: How did this collaboration with Good Humor come about?

RZA: Since the ice cream truck jingle has a problematic history, Good Humor reached out to me to bring in a new jingle and a new vibe for a new era.

UP: What was your inspiration for the new song?

RZA: First and foremost, I was thinking about ice cream and joy. I wrote it in a major key so when a child and a parent hear it they both feel a sense of joy. I made sure the song was rooted in joy. And so my basic foundation was like, if I can get a joyous vibe in the melody then half of my job would be done. I just kept playing around until something felt joyous to me. I tested it on my wife and my son and they said, “It feels good.”

UP: It’s like you ran a test on your kid asking, “Will this get you running out of the door?”

RZA: Exactly. Everybody loves ice cream. When the ice cream truck comes to the neighborhood kids stop doing what they’re doing, yo. I don’t care if it’s jump rope, hula-hooping, playing skully, hopscotch, whatever, you would stop, yo.

You’d abandon what you’re doing to chase this truck down. And don’t let the guy start moving before you get there, that means you gotta run ’til he stops at the next building.

UP: What immediately came to my mind after hearing about the project was the song, ‘Ice Cream’ by Raekown that you produced. Although, that song has a real minor-key feel.

RZA: I also have the song, “C.R.E.A.M,” both of those have melodic piano, but this song had to have a really positive intention. But it’s still gotta have some Wu-ism to it. So if you listen to it you’ll hear that it is a major-key melody but I still go to the minor chord.

It is similar to a song with a chord progression of [Wu-Tang’s] “Can it Be All So Simple?” I wanted to be sure that it had a taste of that Wu-ism in it, but not going dark at all.

The Story Behind the New Ice Cream Truck Jingle from Good Humor x RZA

www.youtube.com

UP: Was there any thought given to the sound system that’s on the ice cream truck?

RZA: We were privileged to have Nichols Electronics speakers sent to the studio so my mix engineer had a chance to demo it through the speaker so we know how it’s gonna sound when these ice cream trucks get it in their hands. What’s so funny is the song still has a little bit of bump that the normal jingle couldn’t have.

UP: Did you give any consideration to the fact that the ice cream man is going to have to hear this song for eight hours a day while he’s driving around?

RZA: I think the way this track was composed it’s going to take a long time for him to get bored with it. You listen to my music, don’t you notice something like years later?

UP: With every context you hear something different.

RZA: Yeah, so I consciously stuck a few things in there. There’s some sound effects and strings underneath that you can’t really hear at first listen. But after a while, he’ll have fun exploring the track. I think the loop point is fun. It’s like a conversation that doesn’t end.

UP: I know you’re a vegan, but as a kid, when the ice cream man came up the street, what did you line up for?

RZA: For me, strawberry shortcake. You got to imagine a kid who’s economically depressed growing up. But I would go to the grocery store and pack bags and you could make yourself a dollar during the summer break. And if that ice cream truck comes, I knew where my dollar was going, yo. I would eat the outside layer first and then eat the ice cream. My buddy Ghost, [rapper Ghostface Killah] he was a toasted almond guy.

UP: Which member of the Wu-Tang has the biggest sweet tooth?

RZA: I still would give it to Ghost. He still has his sweet tooth.

via Good Humor

UP: These days people are reconsidering culture with problematic histories, such as “Turkey in the Straw.” As an artist, how do you think society should come to grips with art or artists with questionable pasts?

RZA: I think that if we have a chance to right a wrong, we should. That’s a blessing in life to be able to right your wrongs. As an artist myself, I don’t think art should be censored, but you’ve got to be able to evolve.

Think of the guy who had to draw the solar system when we knew about three planets. He only drew from his life experience. Now years later, do we correct him? Yes.

I can look at myself and listen back to my old albums and you can hear the aggression. Later, you hear some of my composed pieces and you hear that I’ve been to other parts of the world, you hear that I understand other people’s experiences.

Art has to evolve. If we made mistakes as artists in the past — and art always comes from the heart — then our hearts should be strong enough to accept our mistakes and focus on making things better for the generation we live in now.

UP: It seems like these days there are a lot of people that won’t let people evolve. People get called out for something they did 20 years ago when they aren’t the same person anymore.

RZA: You gotta let people evolve. The guy who first came out of the cave, if he would’ve stayed in we all would’ve stayed in. But he was smart enough to come out so you have to come out too, man.

UP: The reimagining of the ice cream truck song comes as part of a greater social justice movement. One of the things you’re known for is being a strategic thinker. You launched a successful five-year-plan for The Wu, practiced martial arts, love chess, have written a lot on philosophy, and referenced the “Art of War” in your work.

What are your thoughts on how Americans are handling the current social justice movement and what strategies would you suggest?

RZA: I think it’s healthy. I think it’s a step in the right direction. The more we step in the right direction the further we get away from the wrong direction.

I grew up in school when we had to do a pledge of allegiance to the flag. I’m one of those kids who stood up, put his hand over his heart and did it every morning. And it says, “One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.” That’s the pledge that we all took and we should all live up to that pledge.

To me, the strategy of finding ways to speak out for each other when one of us is being mistreated, I think it’s very healthy. I look forward to the day when that pledge is upheld by all of us and enjoyed by all of us.

This interview was edited for time and clarity.

When YouTube announced that a The Karate Kid revival series, Cobra Kai, was on the way in mid-2018, I have to admit to feeling less than excited at the time. Or perhaps I was simply using skepticism as a defense mechanism against the unyielding sea of iffy remakes, reboots, and revivals that clutter up our entertainment landscape. It’s fair to say that many, if not most, of these efforts don’t hit the mark, and the 2010 remake (starring Jaden Smith) of the first movie was alright but didn’t feel necessary. Yet when it came time to revisit rivals Daniel LaRusso (Ralph Macchio) and Johnny Lawrence (William Zabka), the end product was addictive.

Cobra Kai offered the perfect degree of nostalgia while updating the central dynamic in a compelling way. Two seasons on YouTube Red (now YouTube Premium) turned out to be critic-and-crowd pleasers, but (like virtually every other YouTube original series), the show got canceled. However, Netflix picked up Season 3, which will soon stream at an undisclosed date. In order to prep the stage, the first two seasons are now streaming for free on YouTube before they slide over to Netflix on August 28.

This is fantastic news, obviously, with Cobra Kai now having the opportunity to reach a much larger audience than the 20 million or so YouTube Premium subscribers (many of whom probably don’t have feels for the franchise), as opposed to Netflix’s over 180 million subscribers (representing every age group). The time is right to catch up on this show. Let’s discuss why in as spoiler-free a way as possible.

– All hail the underdogs

The underdog effect, this time describing the series itself, does it again. And almost nothing beats the simple satisfaction of watching an underdog story, whether it’s a boxing movie like The Fighter and Rocky or something outside the sports realm like 8 Mile or Erin Brockovich. Seeing success for characters who (literally) get kicked into the face, and to watch them rise against all odds and claim victory to the tune of some power-anthem/earworm — it’s awesome. And what’s really gratifying about Cobra Kai is that the TV series fashions almost every named character into an underdog. Of course, Daniel’s still riding that underdog wave, but Johnny’s now the principal underdog, given that he’s succeeded at nothing, and no one ever expected him to be better than the 2nd-place loser whose trophy got busted by his abusive coach. He becomes sensei to a group of high-school underdogs and sprays them in the face with a hose, and it’s a great scene. You’ll have to take my word for it.

– The crane-kick controversy continues unabated

I freaking love that Reddit threads exist to debate whether or not that crane-kick was illegal. Even Ralph Macchio has gotten in on the game during interviews to admit that, yeah, it was arguably illegal but justified because Johnny pulled that elbow-to-the-injured-knee move. And Johnny and Daniel argue about it on Cobra Kai, too, so it’s the finishing move that will never die. Frankly, I don’t think the debate (whether or not kicks to the face were prohibited by the refs) will ever be settled, but I do believe that it was at least shady for Daniel to do the crane kick. There was really no way for Johnny to not get kicked in the face at that moment, right? The Miyagi-Do pulled shenanigans with this kick, even if it did make for an iconic shot. It’s prompted endlessly delightful bickering from the audience, which is (let’s face it) a lot less stressful than most online arguments.

– No clear-cut heroes or villains, for the most part

Johnny’s a complicated dude. Yes, he was clearly one of the bad guys back in the day while bullying a defenseless newcomer at high school. In Cobra Kai, though, he’s long since shed the snakeskin. He’s got layers, and we learn a lot about his past and why he became so susceptible to programming by his sensei, John Kreese. Johnny’s actually a pretty good guy, once he gets a taste of what it feels like to enrich other people’s lives. He learns the error of his ways, and there’s a whole lot of character growth. I don’t know if I can say the same for the once-heroic Daniel. True, Daniel is never a villain, but he is pretty high on himself and, well, clueless about his need to feed his own ego, which actually turns out to be a detriment to the well-being of those around him.

– The father-son dynamics are goddamn heartwarming

We’ve got father-son dynamics for both Johnny (with Miguel) and Daniel (with Robby), and both men benefit from these relationships as much as their younger counterparts. What’s funny, though, is that Daniel’s biological son can’t stand karate, and there’s a bit of a switcheroo going on. The sensei-student relationships that do develop feel at home in this universe. Even cooler is how the younger halves of the father-son dynamics do a lot to build up the franchise for a future changing of the guard. One can easily imagine Miguel and Robby opening their own dojos one day and continuing to roundhouse each other’s butts, though students or otherwise. The legacy is strong for both Cobra Kai and Miyagi-Do, so the future could hold a lot, after the show smartly fashioned itself with cross-generational appeal designed to pull in a new audience.

– Miyagi knows karate and would approve

Pat Morita’s sensei character would no doubt enjoy how the life lessons of this show get as much screentime as the fight training and big showdown scenes combined. And there are a lot of fight-training scenes, so it’s impressive that the show does not cut corners while making character earn their psychological belts as well. Nor does anyone ever do anything to dirty up the Miyagi-do legacy. The flaws that exist in Daniel are not reflective upon his teacher. Instead, they’re down to his failure to grow much at all since the 1980s movies. If Miyagi still lived, he’d be proud of the hard-earned lessons that go down during the series, and he’d probably dig the fight scenes, too.

Yes, the fight choreography of this series is on point, and more importantly, there are no superpowered shortcuts to be found. Just straight-up hard work, whether that means the endless drills on both ends, the unorthodox approaches sometimes taken by Johnny (concrete diving and the aforementioned hose to the face), or the mega-reliance upon balance training by Daniel’s budding crew. The climactic fights each season not only provide adrenaline doses for the audience, but they also push the plot in remarkable ways. As a result, there’s a pretty large question mark to be settled with the Season 3 debut, so yes, it’s time to start binging and get ready for the next chapter.

‘Cobra Kai’ starts streaming on Netflix on August 28.

Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 1 And 2 has gotten a lot of buzz in recent weeks, as the Activision remastering of the skateboard video game classics is a few short weeks away from a release date. The game’s Warehouse demo will hit many consoles on Friday, and when it does players may notice some significant tweaks to the name that some tricks have gotten. According to Activision and Tony Hawk himself, the changes are a way to pay tribute to their creator and right a longstanding wrong among skateboarders.

Specifically, the “mute grab” is gone, renamed the Weddle grab. Activision’s rundown of what the Warehouse demo has in store for fans also has an explanation for some renamed tricks, including what most players will know as the “mute grab.”

You may also notice a few newly named tricks: Weddle Grab, Weddle Backflip, and Reacharound Invert. These tricks were created by Chris Weddle, a skater with hearing loss, who pioneered all three tricks. With the launch of the remaster, Vicarious Visions was happy to celebrate Chris’ legacy with the renames and hope fans enjoy these tricks, and dozens upon dozens more, in this demo and in the full game.

And as Tony Hawk himself explained in an Instagram post, the rebranding of the tricks is an effort to not only give Weddle credit for the moves, but also to more accurately frame the skater’s importance in the skate community as well as correct the “naive” way the trick was named by skaters much younger and less understanding than they are today.

The post recounts the origins of the “mute” name, which came not from Weddle’s disability but his quiet nature at the park. But over the years as the sport grew, Hawk and others felt he wasn’t properly being recognized for the moves and Weddle himself preferred it had a different name, and so it will appear differently in the game next month.

It’s a really cool tribute to Weddle that also adds context to what many fans may not know about the sport’s history. Countless gamers got introduced to skateboarding culture and terminology thanks to THPS, and many wouldn’t know the origins of tricks and their creators without that added context. It’s one of a number of things Activision is updating in the remaster, and so far, it looks like they’re getting things right this time around.

Just like the rest of the industry, John Legend most likely assumed he would be able to drop his seventh album with little to no interruption, but unfortunately, thanks to the coronavirus pandemic, that was not the case. Nonetheless, the “All Of Me” singer weathered the storm and made the necessary adjustments in order to release his seventh effort, Bigger Love. Adding a new and much more positive surprise to the year, John Legend used his new music video for his Gary Clark Jr. collaboration, “Wild,” to announce he and his wife Chrissy Teigen are expecting their third child.

Taking his wife out to the coast for a day in paradise, the video captures the couple’s romantic spirits as they lay in each other’s arms and enjoy the summer sun at a nearby beach. Throughout the video, Legend professes his desire to show a strong and passionate love to his partner, promising to do all it takes to keep her happy. As the video closes out, Legend and Teigen bring their two children into the frame before they make the big reveal as Legend rubs his hands on Teigen’s belly.

Joining their two children, Luna, who is 4, and Miles, who is 2, Legend and Teigen’s announcement of their third child comes almost a month before their seventh anniversary, so indeed celebrations are in order. As for Legend, the new video arrives after he delivered an at-home version of an NPR Tiny Desk concert where he performed “Wild” and two other songs off Bigger Love: ““Ooh La” and “Bigger Love.”

Some good news on the environment front this week, as conservationists in the U.K. counted some 750 large blue butterflies hatched from 1,100 larvae released last year in Rodborough Common in Gloucestershire, England. According to CNN, the release was the consummation of a 40-year conservation project, with the past five years spent preparing the area for the larvae and butterflies to be able to thrive.

The large blue butterfly, distinguishable by the row of black spots on its upper wings, was declared extinct in Britain in 1979 and is currently globally endangered. The larvae were brought from continental Europe, and though it’s been 40 years since they were declared extinct in Britain, the butterfly hadn’t been seen naturally in Rodborough Common in 150 years.

---

Rare large blue butterfly successfully reintroduced after 150 years

www.youtube.com

Experts from the National Trust, Butterfly Conservation, the Limestone’s Living Legacies Back from the Brink project, Natural England, Royal Entomological Society and the Minchinhampton and Rodborough Committees of Commoners all helped prepare the area for the butterflies. Prep included controlling the red ant population in Rodborough Common by restricting cattle grazing and controlling scrub cover. It also involved growing wild thyme and marjoram, which provide food and an egg-laying habitat for the large blue butterfly.”

Butterflies are such sensitive creatures, and with the large blue’s particular requirements they are real barometers for what is happening with our environment and the changing climate,” Rodborough Commons area ranger Richard Evans said in a statement.

“Creating the right conditions for this globally endangered butterfly to not only survive but to hopefully thrive has been the culmination of many years work,” he added. “One of the greatest legacies of the re-introduction is the power of working together to reverse the decline of threatened species and the benefit the habitat improvements will have for other plants, insects, birds and bats on the commons.”

“It is everything you dreamed of. It is nothing you’d expect.” That’s the tagline that graced movie theater posters in 1985 for the movie Cocoon, the Ron Howard movie that would go on to become the fifth highest-grossing movie of that year and win two Oscars (Best Supporting Actor and Best Visual Effects). That poster tagline is, perhaps, fitting in that if you’re dreaming about watching Cocoon right now, not only is it everything you dreamed of, you’re just going to have to keep on dreaming – because Cocoon isn’t available for you to watch. Anywhere. One of the most ubiquitous movies of the ‘80s is just gone. Vanished. Nowhere to be found on any platform in the era of streaming, a moment in time where seemingly everything is available within seconds via the push of a few buttons.

It was strange timing, because the day I decided I wanted to rewatch Cocoon for the first time in I can’t even remember how many years was the day before Wilford Brimley died. So, my futile attempts to watch this movie were met, the very next day, with soaring tributes featuring film clips from a movie that is impossible to find – including one from Ron Howard himself* – for a movie I wanted to watch even more now.

*What’s great about the scene that Howard tweeted is, in context to Brimley’s actual age at the time, it’s pretty funny. Brimley’s Ben Luckett is telling his grandson, David, who is 11, that they plan on leaving with the aliens to go to a world with no death, but not seeing David anymore is giving Ben pause. Now, in the viewer’s mind, we are thinking, well, how much time do they have left together anyway? But in reality, Brimley lived another 35 years after this movie, so the line to this 11-year-old kid really could have been, “Look, David, I’d only be around until you’re 46 anyway.”

So let’s back up for a minute. Since the pandemic hit the United States in full force back in March, I’ve been on, what now seems like, a never-ending movie marathon. A lot of the movies I haven’t seen before. A lot of them, like Cocoon, are films I haven’t seen in ages. Every now and then, I’ll come across a film that isn’t readily available via a streaming service and every time I find myself surprised because, for the most part, these aren’t obscure titles. But I’m even more surprised when a movie isn’t on those streaming services, nor is it available to rent on iTunes or Amazon. That’s when I find myself extremely perplexed.

And this has happened a few times over the last few months. I tried watching Mannequin, which is nowhere to be found, even though Mannequin 2: On The Move is right there on iTunes ready to be rented at any time. Though the original Mannequin does seem to be available on-demand to DirecTV customers, and if that’s some sort of exclusive deal, it at least sort of explains its absence. Regardless, I solved this by just buying an inexpensive Blu-ray. This scenario repeated itself when I tried to watch Less Than Zero and Johnny Dangerously. The only difference being neither of those movies have been released on Blu-ray, so I had to resort to buying fairly inexpensive DVD copies.

But the thing about all the movies I just mentioned, none of them were top-five grossing movies of the year like Cocoon was. This would be like Fast & Furious 7 being impossible to find in the future.

At first, I did what I always do: I checked the internet to see if Cocoon was on any of the streaming platforms. It was not. Then I went to iTunes and, strangely, Cocoon: The Return popped up, but not the original. I tried Amazon, no luck. I even tried YouTube, which sometimes has movies in full that the studios just kind of gave up on, but no. And also, it wouldn’t make much sense to dump a big movie like Cocoon onto YouTube. (Though, if you want to watch the Kenny Rogers vehicle Six Pack, well, you’re in luck).

I scoured the internet for anything about this and came across a GQ piece from December about notable movies that aren’t available on streaming, and it does mention how Cocoon is impossible to find, so at least it alleviated my fears that I was just somehow missing something.

From there I just figured I’d just do my handy trick of ordering the Blu-ray and it’d soon be on its way and I’d shortly be watching Cocoon in beautiful HD. Well, no, not so quick. It turns out Cocoon’s 2010 Blu-ray is now out of print. And since Cocoon is still a fairly popular movie, it’s not cheap, hovering around $100. (If you go searching yourself, don’t be fooled by the moderately priced Blu-rays, those are all region 2 and you’ll need a Blu-ray player from that region to watch it. There are many negative Amazon reviews from angry Cocoon fans complaining their discs don’t work on their players.) As much as I wanted to see Cocoon, I didn’t want to spend $100. Finally – finally – I found a Cocoon DVD from 2004 on eBay and bought that for $25. When it arrived, it was one of those DVDs that has the full-screen version on the flip side of the disc. It’s 2020 and this is how I watched Cocoon.

Anyway, this all made no sense to me and I wanted an explanation. Why was it so hard for me to find Cocoon?

Rewatching Cocoon on my sad 2004 DVD with a full-screen version readily accessible, I found it more emotional as an adult. There are a lot of themes about loss that I missed as a kid when everyone in my family was all still alive and healthy. Back then, I thought it was a fun movie about aliens. (And, back then, I had no idea Wilford Brimley was only 49 when he filmed the movie.) Yes, there are aliens, led by Brian Dennehy on a mission to rescue their friends who had been left behind centuries before, all encased in cocoons at the bottom of the ocean off the coast of Tampa. The cocoons are brought to a swimming pool to gestate, with a side effect being that humans who enter the pool are given healing powers – as a few members of a retirement home next door soon realize after sneaking in and using the pool.

The scene that really got me was — after a number of residents of the retirement home were invited by the aliens to leave with them, promising a world of no disease or death (sounds pretty good!) — young David sees his grandparents (Brimley and Maureen Stapleton) leaving by boat (driven by Steve Guttenberg) to meet the alien spacecraft. David jumps aboard the boat at the last second. Later, as they are being chased by the Coast Guard, David jumps in the water so the authorities will have to rescue him and not chase his grandparents. Brimley’s Ben is about to jump in after him, but David tells his grandfather, seeing him for presumably for the last time (we will ignore the sequel, which, again, you can watch), to go and that he’s not afraid. It’s a wonderful, touching moment about saying goodbye to loved ones. I will admit, watching Cocoon for the first time after losing my grandparents and my father, the waterworks hit me. And it’s even more preposterous this movie isn’t available for younger viewers who have never seen it and who aren’t going to purchase a 16-year-old DVD off of eBay. I suspect that if Cocoon were on Netflix, or whatever, it would be pretty popular.

So, I started asking around. I emailed the representative of Lili Fini Zanuck, a producer on Cocoon. As of this writing, my emails have been not returned. (Though, if Lili Fini Zanuck has a Google alert on her name set, please know that I’d love to talk to you.) I emailed the screenwriter (Tom Benedek), who also hasn’t yet returned my email. I emailed Ron Howard’s publicist, who told me to contact his agent. sO I emailed Howard’s agent, who has yet to return my email. (I knew this was a longshot because, in the aforementioned GQ piece from December, it includes an anecdote about someone who knew Ron Howard personally who texted Howard for the answer and he didn’t respond.) I emailed the representative for the effects supervisor, who won an Oscar for this movie, and got no response. I even emailed someone who worked in distribution at Fox and, you guessed it, no reply. Honestly, in all my years of writing about movies I’ve never been ignored by this many people.

Then I emailed Steve Guttenberg. Through his rep he said he didn’t want to discuss Cocoon, but asked if I’d read a script he just wrote about Hurricane Katrina. (As I am writing this piece, he sent me the script. I have yet to read it.)

I also spoke to representatives at Disney. Look, there are a lot of questions still about Fox’s catalog of films after the Disney purchase. And, yes, Cocoon is a Fox title, but from what I do gather this is in no way related to Disney. Cocoon has been missing in action long before the Disney sale was finalized. Also, if this was Disney holding back Fox titles (which really doesn’t seem to be the case, at least digitally), that wouldn’t explain why Cocoon: The Return can be watched right now as you are reading this.

To Disney’s credit, the last thing I heard was an update that they were still looking into it. And, look, I get it. Imagine working remotely for the last five months and having someone come out of the blue to ask, “Hey, you know that whole studio you just bought? Why did they not have Cocoon, this one specific movie from 35 years ago, available?” Though, I did like the idea that he would say, “Oh, yeah, that’s just an oversight,” then hit a button and Cocoon would be available for us all to rent or buy immediately. (So, yes, in my mind at Disney headquarters there’s just a button that says “Cocoon” and, once pressed, it shows up on all the streaming services.) Though, if another Ron Howard movie, Splash, can be on Disney+, I don’t see a reason Cocoon can’t be?

(If I hear from any of these people, I will update this story. I will also update the story after I read Steve Guttenberg’s script about Hurricane Katrina.)

I guess the larger point here can be taken as “maybe don’t throw away your physical media.” Personally, I still like discs better because the quality is always going to be better than streaming. But during quarantine, the vast majority of movies I’ve watched have been over some form of streaming, since most of the movies I own I’ve seen before. And I am a big fan of streaming for that reason. Most movies you’d want to watch at any given time are a few button presses away. (Just like the Disney “Cocoon” button.)

But I’ve learned a lesson that even old DVDs have a good deal of value. Because right now, as I type this, I can watch Less Than Zero and Johnny Dangerously and you can’t. (Well, unless you, too, own the DVDs for both. Then you can.) So, yes, in the greater context, I suppose that is the lesson: Hey, kids, hold onto your discs because you never know when movies might just disappear. Who knows, maybe it will be Fast & Furious 7 next!

But, really, I just wanted to watch Cocoon. And I wanted an explanation as to why I can’t, other than a 16-year-old DVD. And as of this writing, I still don’t know why. (But, on a positive note, if you want to watch Cocoon in pan and scan full screen, I’ve got you covered.)

You can contact Mike Ryan directly on Twitter.

Welcome to Wednesday Night’s Alright, my Uproxx Sports recap of the big events from wrestling’s biggest night, when AEW Dynamite on TNT goes up against WWE NXT on USA. I’m still finding the shape of this column, but I’m glad to be here with you and writing about two of the best wrestling shows on TV.

Nefarious Heel Behavior: Robert Stone insults Kayden to Kacy’s face

This was probably the strongest category this week, which says something about the lack of actual wrestling-related excitement in these episodes. It may be a controversial choice, but my favorite heel moment this week was on NXT when the delightfully sniveling Robert Stone started trying to recruit Kacy Catanzaro by insulting her best friend and tag team partner Kayden Carter, while Kacy and Kayden were standing right next to each other. That’s so much meaner than just insulting both of them.

It led to Kayden and Kacy playing third and fourth bananas in their own match, with Rhea Ripley and Shotzi Blackheart showing up at the end looking for revenge against the Robert Stone Brand. And that all makes sense right now, but I do hope Carter and Catanzaro get a spotlight of their own before too long. I’d love to see them go up against Sasha and Bayley for the Tag Team gold.

Runners Up

On Dynamite, FTR took part in perhaps the oldest and proudest tradition in Southern wrestling—they beat up Ricky Morton of the Rock N’ Roll Express for heel heat. Not that Robert Gibson got out unscathed either, but it’s the attack on Morton that’s most important, ritualistically. This was part of “Tag Team Appreciation Night,” when the Young Bucks and FTR welcomed the Brain Busters and the RNR Express into the ring to talk about their legacies. It was basically a naked attempt to establish FTR as the new Arn and Tully (a comparison that’s followed them since NXT) and the Young Bucks as the new Rock N’ Roll Express, which… sure, I can see how that makes sense too.

Then there was Scarlett casting a spell on the contract Karrion Kross had just signed before handing it back to Keith Lee, causing it to burst into flame in Keith’s face. I think that could work in theory, and I’m all in favor of Scarlett being a witch who casts hexes on people. This just didn’t work for me because it was a quick flash of light in the Champ’s face, and then they tried to sell it like he was horribly burned and might never see again. It was a lot to expect us to buy into.

Thing I Could Have Done Without: Another women’s squash match on Dynamite

I’m trying not to go on the same rant again and again, but here we are. All that was advertised for the women’s division was “Hikaru Shida in action,” so I was hoping for the Dynamite debut of one of the competitors from the Deadly Draw Women’s Tag Team Tournament on YouTube, like Rachael Ellering or Nicole “Lil’ Swole” Savoy, and maybe they’d even announce a signing. Instead it turned out to be a different guest competitor, Heather Monroe.

Monroe’s a fine indie wrestler in her own right, but she was clearly just there to do the job. Indeed, Shida made short work of her. There wasn’t even any attention to the Big Swole/Britt Baker feud this week. On the other hand, a friend pointed out to me that Shida’s constant refrain of “I’m ready to face anyone who challenges me,” points to a possible surprise opponent to come, and all I can say is, man, I hope so.

Runners Up

I don’t have all the answers when it comes to wrestlers accused during #SpeakingOut. I’m inclined to believe survivors who step forward publicly, because I know how much crap they get for doing it. But at the end of the day, I don’t have a guide to objective truth and ethical action. What I do know is that, personally, the celebrated return of Velveteen Dream, who’s been accused of grooming minors for sex, feels weird and off. Regardless of what we know or don’t know for sure about Dream’s past actions, it’s hard to look at him the same way with that thought in mind.

Best Promo: MJF

I haven’t been wild about the election trappings of the World Title feud on Dynamite, with MJF treating his bid to become Champion like an election, but his speech this week was undeniably great. I love how he kept calling Jon Moxley “Jonathan.” Is his name even Jonathan? It’s actually funnier if it’s not. MJF is a fantastic old-school heel, all the more impressive for his youth, but sometimes he relies on stuff like overt sexism to get heat, even though he’s too good to need it. He mostly avoided that here, which was also a plus. Yes, he told his female employee to smile, but personally I can handle some more subtle/realistic sexism in my heels.

Anyway, the whole segment was great, leading up to MJF sending Wardlow up in the stands to interrupted Moxley on his entrance, only for Mox to enter from the ramp for once and attack MJF from behind.

Runners Up

Dakota Kai and Io Shirai both had great video promos for their upcoming NXT Women’s Championship match. Io’s was particularly good, dismissing Kai as the same little girl who couldn’t stand up to Shayna Baszler. Love to see that level of long-term continuity in my wrestling. Cameron Grimes also had an outdoor promo this week, and while I can’t say I paid a lot of attention to what he said, I enjoyed his voice and accent, which both seem genuine and suit his gimmick perfectly.

Best Match: Scorpio Sky vs Cody

Scorpio Sky is a fantastic wrestler, and I hope this loss to Cody isn’t the end of his momentum. That worry actually affected my enjoyment of this match a bit, to the degree that I almost didn’t pick it, but ultimately the virtuosity of these two guys in the ring is a bigger deal that my concern about Cody’s ego, or the fact that he’s so clearly following a script with these matches. “Sell, sell, let the other guy look great and do all his stuff, okay it’s time to win now, win.”

But this was the transition of Scorpio’s solo run to Dynamite after he’s racked up a bunch of wins on Dark, so hopefully things are just starting for him. And hopefully Cody commits to a heel turn soon, or stuff like “the Prince of Wrestling” is going to get old pretty quick. But for now, try to ignore all that and watch these guys move. They’re really good at moving.

Runners Up

Damian Priest and Bronson Reed had a really solid match on NXT. Priest hasn’t always excited me that much, but I like Reed a lot, and they were both great this week.

Over on Dynamite, Kenny Omega and Hangman Adam Page face Jurassic Express, which of course was a solid and fun match even if it didn’t really move any needles or tell any stories. Sorry if I seem to have a lack of excitement for what I’m writing about, but the honest truth is this week wasn’t all that exciting on either show. I was happy to see the performers I enjoy, but it didn’t feel like much happened that was important or particularly exciting.

One thing that was important, story-wise, was Orange Cassidy’s defeat of Chris Jericho on AEW Dynamite. It was Orange Cassidy’s first major victory, and Jericho was doing his best to put the younger guy over. Unfortunately, I thought Jericho seemed really tired (perhaps because he’s currently on tour with Fozzy while also wrestling full time) and showed his age more than usual. And as good as Cassidy is, he had a hard time maintaining his usual effortless crispness with Jericho being sloppier than usual. Their match was better, but I was happy to see Orange get this big win all the same.

That’s all for this week. Next’s week’s going to be weird because AEW Dynamite is moving to Saturday, but I’ll figure it out.

Though the NBA has another full day of seeding games on Friday, the match-ups for the 2020 playoffs are all but set. In fact, only the No. 8 seed in the Western Conference is up for grabs, with the league’s first-ever play-in tournament set to begin on Saturday. However, the league had the luxury of putting together a full schedule for the first round of the postseason a bit early and, on Thursday evening, the NBA released the full slate of games that we’ll be able to watch over the next two weeks.

In an interesting decision, the league is electing to showcase playoff games in the afternoon on weekdays, rather than pitting games against each other in prime time. For die-hards, that will be something of a dream, with easily accessible quadruple-headers every day for what could be two full weeks. On the flip side, it might be at least a little bit difficult for fans of specific teams to catch 1:00/1:30 p.m. ET tip-offs during the week, and this is something of an experiment.

For the sake of clarity, the league also released the schedule broken down series by series.

From tip-off between the Utah Jazz and the Denver Nuggets on Monday, Aug. 17 through the end of the first round, high-level basketball will be available for consumption all day, every day. The seeding games, and even the televised scrimmages before them, were a tremendous warm-up. However, the main event is here, the excitement is palpable and observers can now begin their calendar planning through the end of August.