Category: Worldwide

If Jeff Van Gundy hears it, the rumor must really be out there. It’s not as if the former coach and current ESPN/ABC analyst is making the rounds at the Wide World of Sports looking for big NBA scoops, but he has heard that Pacers coach Nate McMillan could be on the hot seat. In the latest episode of The Lowe Post, Van Gundy and host Zach Lowe both confirm the rumor, noting they’ve both heard it all season.

Van Gundy says multiple people have discussed McMillan’s job status with him since he arrived in Orlando to call nationally televised bubble games, and Lowe says it’s been in the NBA ether for quite some time.

“It’s been the hottest rumor all season,” Lowe agrees. “It’s been a rumor all season long.”

McMillan, who has led the Pacers out of the Paul George era with far more success than anyone imagined, is often criticized for integrating a style that would be more familiar in the 1990s NBA, but even McMillan has gone modern in the bubble, playing T.J. Warren at power forward and pulling Myles Turner out behind the three-point line.

Without Domantas Sabonis and with Victory Oladipo making the slow return from a ruptured quadriceps tendon, the Pacers were always going to face an uphill battle to make real noise in the bubble, but altogether, the past two seasons have seen the team exceed expectations.

In the podcast, Van Gundy indicates he doesn’t believe the Pacers could be much better with a different coach, while Lowe seems to believe the team could make a change purely to take advantage of an Eastern Conference without a proven superpower. Indiana faces the challenge of still not having chosen between Sabonis and Turner, two players whose presence on the same roster will always make it hard to craft a great offense, though coaches are often the first to go when a team wants to make a change.

If you enjoy trailers for shows starring New Girl alumni, it’s been a good week for you. The raunchy Hoops trailer, starring Jake “schlub king Nick Miller” Johnson as a high school basketball coach, came out yesterday, followed by a full-length look at Woke today.

Based on the work of artist Keith Knight, Woke stars Lamorne Morris (Winston) as “Keef, An African-American cartoonist finally on the verge of mainstream success when an unexpected incident changes everything. Keef must now navigate the new voices and ideas that confront and challenge him, all without setting aflame everything he’s already built,” according to Hulu.

The “unexpected incident” is an encounter with a white cop (or as he puts it in the trailer above, “I got my ass beat by the police”), which changes Keef’s perception of the world. Where once he wondered why his work had to stand for anything, Keef is now, well, woke. “We are a product of our environment, and if you grow up a certain way, you grow up a certain way,” Morris told EW about the series. “But then every once in a while you gotta just stop, and shift, and make it a point to see things differently.”

Woke, which also stars Sasheer Zamata, T. Murph, Lara Goldie, and Blake Anderson, premieres on Hulu on September 9.

Before professional sports leagues started back up this summer, there was plenty of concern about whether the safety precautions put into place would be enough to protect the players amid the global pandemic that continues to spread and has taken more than 150,000 lives in the United States.

For the most part, it’s been working. The NBA announced earlier this week that there have been no positive tests among its 343 players since they arrived in Orlando, giving credence to the stringent protocols that have been put into place, as well as the players’ taking up the mantle to hold one another responsible.

The WNBA, which started its new season last month in a similar bubble scenario in Bradenton, Florida, is now reporting similar success. According to an official league announcement, there have been no positive tests among its 139 players since they arrived at the IMG Academy.

The WNBA is playing an abbreviated 22-game slate in Florida, which will be followed by a normal postseason format. Several players had previously opted against participating in the season, for both safety reasons and to devote their efforts toward ongoing social reform.

Many other leagues, like the NWSL, NHL, MLS, and TBT, have found success with their own bubble formats, while leagues like Major League Baseball, which opted against bubbles, have experienced outbreaks.

Rocksteady Studios were behind the outstanding Batman Arkham series, which consisted of four games (Arkham Asylum, Arkham City, Arkham Knight, and the virtual reality release Arkham VR) that let users control Bruce Wayne as he battles some of his most notable enemies. It’s been four years since they’ve last released a game, and on Friday morning, the studio announced it’s diving back into the Batman universe for its latest release.

In a tweet posted to the official Rocksteady Twitter account, the studio announced that a Suicide Squad game is on the way.

As the folks over at Kotaku pointed out, this does not necessarily mean that we’re getting a full Suicide Squad game on Aug. 22, although it would be quite something if they’d managed to keep the development of an entire video game under wraps for years until two weeks before it is slated to hit consoles. Last month, Warner Bros. announced that a fan event called DC FanDome will occur on that day at 1 p.m. EST, and it was mentioned that we’d get news from WB Games in addition to all the other things we might expect from this sort of event.

Members of the Suicide Squad have appeared prominently in the Batman Arkham games in the past. Unsurprisingly, due to the lack of info about the game right now, it’s unclear which Squad members will appear in this game, which is also the case for Batman and The Joker, but the teaser does appear to indicate that Superman will be involved somehow.

With DC FanDome only two weeks away, the hype machine is in full effect. In a brand new video posted to Twitter on Friday, the virtual event teased a massive guest list of over 300 attendees, which includes almost every major star with a DC Comics movie coming down the line. To make things easier on you, we’ll break it down by project, and let you know who’s coming from each one.

The Batman

Matt Reeves‘ highly anticipated take on The Dark Knight will be front and center at DC FanDome. Not only will the director be attending the virtual event, but Robert Pattinson is confirmed to make an appearance that, hopefully, won’t involve setting any more microwaves on fire.

Wonder Woman 1984

After seeing its release date pushed back twice during the ongoing pandemic, Wonder Woman 1984 is currently gunning for an October 2020 release date, so it’s the closest DC Comics movie on the horizon. (For now.) With that in mind, it only makes sense that Warner Bros. has a strong showing for the Wonder Woman sequel at DC FanDome. Viewers can expect to see director Patty Jenkins along with stars Gal Gadot, Chris Pine, Kristen Wiig, Robin Wright, and Pedro Pascal.

The original Wonder Woman, Lynda Carter, will also be in attendance, Although it’s unknown at this time if she’ll be a part of the WW84 panel.

The Suicide Squad

James Gunn fans already know that a look at his version of the Suicide Squad will be blasting into DC FanDome. The director hyped the film’s presence at the fan event earlier in the week, but now we know which members of the massive cast will also be dropping by. Except to see Margot Robbie, Idris Elba, Pete Davidson, Alfre Woodard, Nathan Fillion, Michael Rooker, Steve Agee, and Terry Crews.

The Flash

It’s no secret that Warner Bros. has struggled getting an Ezra Miller Flash movie up and running especially after the lackluster reception to Justice League. But in a surprising show of confidence for the solo film, Miller and current Flash director Andy Muschietti will host a panel for DC FanDome that will shed some light on their new direction for the speedster. It will also be curious to see if they confirm reports that Michael Keaton will reprise his iconic version of Batman for the multiverse-focused film.

Black Adam

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has a reputation for being “franchise Viagra,” and it looks like that might also apply to fan events. Johnson is officially confirmed for DC FanDome to hype up Black Adam, which will hopefully began production in early 2021. That film will focus on the classic Shazam villain who will reportedly be more of an anti-hero when The Rock dons his classic black tights. And speaking of Shazam…

Shazam! 2

Both director David F. Sandberg and star Zachary Levi will be swinging by to discuss the upcoming Shazam! sequel and possibly shed some light on when we can see Levi’s Billy Batson go lightning bolt to lightning bolt with The Rock’s Black Adam.

You can see the official DC FanDome guest list below, which also includes Aquaman director James Wan, who’ll presumably have an update on the sequel, Zack Snyder continuing to pump up the Snyder Cut of Justice League being released on HBO Max, and stars from DC Comics shows like The Flash and Titans. Sadly, Jason Momoa is not on the current list of attendees, but you never know what surprises might be in store.

Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s new collaboration “WAP” has sparked a wide range of reactions on social media as fans come to grips with the catchy new song. While there are plenty of straightforward opinions about the song itself, both the song and its music video have prompting a surprising variety of discussions ranging from facetious to timely as it becomes clear that the track is more than just a celebration of its artists… ahem… anatomies.

The first, most obvious thread to emerge stemmed from the cameo appearances in the video. While fellow female rappers and stars like Mulatto, Normani, Rosalía, Rubi Rose, and Sukihana made appearances, one cameo generated puzzlement and some outrage among fans. Midway through the video, reality star Kylie Jenner makes an appearance to wander the halls of the topsy-turvy mansion setting.

Some appeared miffed by her appearance, especially after some early coverage seemingly focused on her cameo over the importance of the collaboration between the two top female rappers. Jenner’s name trended on Twitter, along with those of other women fans would have preferred replace her, such Bay Area rapper Saweetie and even iconic actress Betty White.

Meanwhile, another set of names to trend on Twitter included those of Lil Kim and Trina, the pioneers of the raunchy rap tradition to which “WAP” proudly subscribes. While some fans also posited Kim as a replacement for Kylie Jenner, other simply used the opportunity to proclaim her continued importance to the rap game, decades after she made her debut on Junior M.A.F.I.A.’s Conspiracy.

Another tweet that went viral was a tongue-in-cheek satire courtesy of The Daily Show‘s Jaboukie White, who sarcastically questioned whether there is “space for more than one male rapper in the game,” a sly reference to the discussion that had dogged women in rap for nearly a decade, right up until Megan Thee Stallion first appeared and fans questioned whether she would end up beefing with Nicki Minaj and Cardi, two women who’d been pit against each other almost as soon as Cardi began to achieve notoriety for “Bodak Yellow.” Instead, Megan wound up collaborating with both — albeit on separate tracks a year apart — proving that unity is stronger than beef. The replies to Jaboukie’s tweet are hilarious though.

However, in all the celebration of female solidarity and praise for the exposure for upcoming talents like Sukihana and Mulatto, there was one group who just couldn’t find it in themselves to bypass the bitterness: The Barbz, who dragged their favorite into another round of pointless Cardi B slander as if the whole point of the “WAP” video wasn’t to show that there’s room for everyone.

Of course, there are also lower-profile discussions taking place within all this, about women’s sexual freedom — “WAP” is a truly FILTHY song and men should understand why that’s a good thing, yet… — about the doors of the music industry opening for multiple women for the first time in forever, about media’s never-ending quest for clicks, and more, but for now, let’s all just continue to enjoy the song for what it is: An iconic musical moment that brought together two of rap’s biggest female powerhouses to basically break the internet.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Foo Fighters, like every other musician who had planned a 2020 tour, has been forced to rethink tour dates. The band was slated to celebrate their 25th anniversary by embarking on a series shows which replicated Foo Fighters’ first-ever tour in 1995. But after postponing the event due to the coronavirus, the band has now decided to cancel their tour entirely.

Foo Fighters announced the decision on social media Friday, sharing a succinct and informative post which detailed each show affected. “We look forward to seeing you all as soon as it is safe for everyone to do so,” they wrote.

Canceling the tour seemed to be a particularly difficult decision for Dave Grohl. After announcing the original tour postponement, Grohl had written: “Hi, this is Dave. Remember me? The guy who wouldn’t even postpone a show when my g*ddamn leg was falling off? Well… playing a gig with a sock full of broken bones is one thing, but playing a show when YOUR health and safety is in jeopardy is another… We f*ckin’ love you guys. So let’s do this right and rain check sh*t. The album is done, and it’s f*ckin’ killer. The lights and stage are in the trucks, ready to go. The SECOND we are given the go ahead, we’ll come tear sh*t up like we always do. Promise.”

Check out their announcement above and keep an eye on Foo Fighters’ website for updates here.

At just 23, Lamar Jackson has already achieved more than anyone could have expected: A Heisman Trophy, an NFL MVP award, two trips to the playoffs in his first two seasons, and now, an appearance on the cover of Madden NFL 21. While Jackson has been able to keep control of his emotions through all the award ceremonies and big wins, he admitted to former Ravens receiver Steve Smith in a video on the team’s YouTube channel that he “shed tears” when he finally saw the cover of the video game earlier this year, as he’d achieved something “that’s been a dream of mine all of my life.”

“They revealed to me the cover early,” Jackson said. “I don’t cry about stuff. I didn’t cry when I won the Heisman, I didn’t cry when I won all the other accolades. But when I seen the cover, I actually shed tears, like, ‘What the? It’s unreal.’”

Jackson explained that it was something that felt like a more tangible accumulation of his whole life, having seen everyone from Patriots quarterback Tom Brady — whom Jackson said beating was the highlight of his 2019 — to Ravens great Ray Lewis appear on the cover. When Jackson saw himself join their ranks in the latest edition of the game, he was overcome with emotion.

Beyond his reaction to the cover, Jackson told Smith about what he has in store down the road, saying “I want everything to be perfect” in listing out his goals for the upcoming season and the rest of his career.

The RX is Uproxx Music’s stamp of approval for the best albums, songs, and music stories throughout the year. Inclusion in this category is the highest distinction we can bestow, and signals the most important music being released throughout the year. The RX is the music you need, right now.

Face tattoos and hip-hop inflected beats led some observers to instinctually associate Domini Fike with the “Soundcloud rap” movement, but despite the shocking impact and relative importance of that trend, Fike is a phenomenon all his own. After some early rap-centric material, and a handful of loosie tracks later rebundled together into the early EP, Don’t Forget About Me, Demos, Fike has emerged in the midst of global chaos with a debut album that both reflects and deflects the pandemonium going on around us.

Yes, he’s been to jail — though national awareness of how much his heritage as a young, poor mixed Filipino and Black American tips the scales of justice against him is stronger than ever — and yes, he can drop bars better than plenty of those who insist they are in fact, capital R rappers. But Fike’s music is much more akin to strains of pop-punk and even, the occasional mainstream folk musician, than hip-hop. It’s no wonder label execs were so taken with Fike’s pensive songwriting and multi-genre sound that his EP reportedly sparked a bidding war and multi-million dollar deal.

Now signed to Columbia Records, who re-released the Demos EP, Fike has the resources to make an ambitious full-length record, and it just happens to be one of 2020’s best pop records. What Could Possibly Go Wrong is the tongue-in-cheek title of his excellent debut, a record that reflects the same dark sense of humor as his Apple logo tattoo inked in the place where a teardrop traditionally goes. But then, a tender bait-and-switch operates a level above all that — the symbol is actually a tribute to his sister, Apple, not a commentary on the death-grip of techno capitalistic progress.

These kinds of left turns lurk all over his twisted dark-pop debut, too, like on the sardonic “Cancel Me,” where he wishes to get canceled… strictly so he can rest and go see his family. “Chicken Tenders” reimagines the trope of hotel sex and decadence through the lens of a childhood culinary decadence. Getting a bit deeper on “Good Game,” Fike reflects on the transition from a rough life in a small town to the intense levels of success he’s attained now, skillfully bridging the gap between the two worlds in conversational rhetorical questions. His songwriting incorporates pathos without ever falling into corny or dreary — a rare feat for a young writer.

Post-genre gets thrown around a lot since the advent of laptop production and social media leveled the playing field for creativity and increased conglomeration of sounds, but it might be the most apt description of the way Fike mixes guitar, pop, rap, and even folk inclinations into his own swampy sound. Picking up the guitar at the tender age of ten, and steeped in the music of Jack Johnson, Blink-182, and Red Hot Chili Peppers, Fike was simultaneously freestyling and forming a de facto rap collective with his similarly unsupervised crew of friends growing up wild in Naples, Florida.

The only listeners who might possibly be disappointed are those hoping Fike tucked a few rap-focused songs on the record — there aren’t any. But given the prevalence of hip-hop in pop culture and pop music over the last decade, in my opinion it’s actually really refreshing to hear an album that strays so far outside that sound. Hearing rock folded back into the mainstream is going to excite a lot of listeners who have been missing the popularity of guitars, but it’s also done in such a way that it doesn’t alienate listeners raised on rap and beat-driven pop. It seems clear that Fike can venture into the rap realm if he ever has the itch, and his emphasis on melody and lyrics with a hint of the percussion and beat-driven sound tucked into the fabric of the songs evokes auteurs like Frank Ocean and Billie Eilish more than other MCs.

Which isn’t to say there aren’t moments when Fike exercises his flow. For an artist who is just starting to get his bearings, Fike has settled into the pocket of his sound immediately, like on the standout “Vampire,” where he flips a Latin-flecked guitar lick into the backdrop for some quick-lipped verses about a party full of social climbers. Or there’s another early single off the record, “Politics & Violence,” a slower, murkier reflection on the realities of growing into celebrity status and how it can divide or shift relationships. Earlier hits like “3 Nights” and “Phone Numbers” are noticeably absent from the full-length, with no attempt at stacking his numbers with older streaming successes — because there’s no need to rely on his initial hits when the record is packed with so many apparent new ones.

Soundcloud rap, he is not. Dominic Fike will be around much longer than that.

What Could Possibly Go Wrong is out now via Columbia Records. Get it here.

The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE — It’s not the same

Let me tell you about one of my favorite movie theater experiences. I’ve told this story before, but I don’t care. It delights me every time. Here goes.

It was a few years ago, during the opening weekend of Black Panther. The place was packed, people crawling over each other to get to one of the few open seats, confused people shuffling in during the trailers and hopelessly searching for four seats together somewhere, the whole thing. The movie starts. Everyone is way into it, staring at the screen, soaking it in. Eventually, we get to the scene where Killmonger shows up in Wakanda and challenges T’Challa to a fight for the throne. You could feel the tension in the room. Right as the fight is about to start, Killmonger, played by Michael B. Jordan takes off his shirt to reveal an absolutely shredded torso.

As he does this, like in that very moment, a woman a few rows in front of me gasped and let out a deep, almost involuntary “Oh my God” that carried through the otherwise silent room.

The whole place cracked up. Everyone, full-on belly laughs. Two warriors were on the big screen trying to kill each other and we were all howling because this poor woman got so horny about Michael B. Jordan’s pecs that words snuck out of her mouth before she could stop them. It was awesome. I think about it every time I see the movie. I hope she is still out there thriving.

I bring this up today for two reasons: One, because I really like telling this story; two, because I really miss seeing movies in the theater. There’s something about that communal experience, about the big screen and the popcorn and all of it, that just feels different than watching a movie at home. It’s true for comedies, where a whole room filled with laughing people can add to your appreciation of the movie. It’s true for action movies, where seeing big huge chases and shootouts feels better with the big huge screen and big huge sound. It’s true for terrible movies, too. I would have loved to watch Money Plane in a theater filled with loony rascals. Especially one of those theaters that serves alcohol. That would have been fun.

This is all extra-newsworthy this week because Disney announced that it’s bypassing the theaters to release Mulan on Disney+, for a premium. The decision makes enough sense under the circumstances. Theaters are closed for the foreseeable future. Mulan is the type of family movie that can work on VOD during a quarantine because frazzled parents can look at the $30 price tag and do the math of what the theater would have cost and click “Purchase” in the hopes that it will entertain their children for a coupon of hours. But some people are freaking out a bit. There are some cries of “Is this the end of movie theaters as we know it?” Theaters were already not doing super great before they lost a whole summer. It’s a concern.

I think — I hope — this is all overblown. I love seeing movies in the theater. I’ll go see a movie in the theater again as soon as I’m reasonably certain I won’t catch a deadly virus while doing so. I might camp out to go see Fast 9 in a theater, if only because I want to be in a room filled with other maniacs when I find out exactly how Han survived the Tokyo car crash that we later learned was a vehicular homicide committed by Jason Statham. I like watching movies at home, too, and I sure do it a lot, but it’s not the same. There are too many distractions. It doesn’t feel special. There are no strange horny ladies accidentally whooping at shirtless murderers. It just won’t do.

Let’s not write off movie theaters yet. Watching newly released movies at home is a decent temporary solution. The studios want their money and we all need something to pass the hours of the day. It can work fine, for now. But once this is over, once we can all go out and be around each other and not fear for our lives, let’s seriously consider renting out a theater for a private screening of Money Plane. It’ll be fun. I’ll bring the margaritas.

ITEM NUMBER TWO — This stinks!

Hulu canceled High Fidelity this week after one very good season. After one season! Nothing gets canceled after one season anymore. Two seasons, maybe, and yes, I’m still bummed out about American Vandal. But that show was admittedly a little more gimmicky and did not have big star power attached to it. High Fidelity had a recognizable bit of intellectual property attached to it and it starred Zoe Freakin Kravitz. And again, it was good. I say this as someone who was very skeptical of a gender-swapped television series based on a book that was turned into a John Cusack movie.

It had no right to be as good as it was, to be honest. I don’t get very upset about cancellations anymore because there’s just so much out there constantly bashing us in our heads, but this one stings. It felt like the show was just getting started, like it was laying down the foundation for something really cool. The last cancellation that bummed me out this much was Lodge 49, another show that was doing cool stuff and was just hitting its groove. And even that got two seasons. I hate this!

Deadline has a little inside information of the decision-making process and, nope, it does not make me feel any better.

The decision was not easy and came after lengthy deliberations, I hear. The show, which has been well received by critics and is headlined by a big star with a massive following in Kravitz, had internal support at Hulu, whose brass took extra time to mull a potential renewal, with sibling ABC Signature extending the options on the cast by a month to accommodate that.

In the end, the streamer opted not to proceed with a second season. Finding another home for the show is considered a long shot, I hear.

I’m sure there are reasons at play here. I’m sure Hulu did not cancel a show they liked just to ruin Brian’s week. It’s still weird and bad, though. They tossed aside a critically-acclaimed show with a big-name lead after a single season. Who does that? Why would they do that? Are we sure they didn’t do it just to ruin my week? It’s as reasonable an explanation as anything I’ve come up within the last couple days. I suppose we can’t rule it out.

If there’s a silver lining anywhere here, it’s that the first season works pretty well as a standalone project. You can and probably should still watch it if you haven’t, although then you might end up just as confused and mad as I am now. So maybe don’t go watch the first season now. Ugh. Blech. Blech and ugh. That’s my final comment on this matter.

ITEM NUMBER THREE — Let them blow up the bridge, Poland, geez

Folks, I am pleased to report that we have an international incident involving the Mission: Impossible franchise, Poland, and an aborted bridge explosion. A lot of moving parts here. The short version goes something like this: Director Christopher McQuarrie was on the hunt for an old bridge to blow up in real life for the next installment in the Tom Cruise franchise, and he thought he found one, and then everything went sideways due to alleged subterfuge and tomfoolery. There were even reports that the bridge was a historical landmark. I’ll let McQuarrie explain via the statement he put out this week to try to set the record straight.

Mission: Impossible has come to be known as a franchise that does as much as humanly possible without the use of digital effects, which allows us to create moments in a way audiences have never seen before. At the very start of the film’s pre-production, we had a rough concept for a sequence involving a bridge over a body of water, ideally one that could be (spoiler alert) partially destroyed. While we doubted such a thing would be possible, a broad search was initiated in the unlikely event that any country anywhere in the world might have a bridge that needed getting rid of.

Some lovely people from Poland responded with enthusiasm.

First of all, I love this. He just put it into the universe that he wanted to blow up a bridge and Poland was like “Hell yeah, come blow up our bridge.” This is how the world is supposed to work. People from various cultures putting their differences aside to achieve a common goal, which, again, in this case, was obliterating a damn bridge for a Tom Cruise movie.

Unfortunately, this is where things took a turn.

One individual, for reasons I cannot specify without revealing their identity, claimed they were owed a job on the production for which we felt they were not adequately qualified.

When this individual’s demands were not met, they retaliated.

After harassing members of our production publicly and anonymously on social media, as well as privately, this individual misrepresented our intentions and concealed their personal reasons for wanting to penalize us. They even tried to have this condemned, unsafe and unusable bridge landmarked in the hopes of preventing it from ever being removed and rebuilt (which we understand would be to the detriment of the area’s economic needs). Then they reached out to us to gloat about it. In short, this individual manipulated the emotional response of the people in a move that has now compromised our ambitions to bring our production to Poland.

Dammit. Come on! Come on, Poland! Let them blow up this bridge. Let me come watch it, too. I’ve never seen a bridge get blown up. I didn’t even know I wanted to see it until about 10 minutes ago, but now it’s all I want to see. I would totally let them blow up my bridge if I had one. I wouldn’t even charge them. I would do it for the experience. This is what you’re missing out on, Poland. When are you ever going to get to see a bridge blow up? When will you have this chance again? Think this through. Don’t do something you’ll regret, like not letting them blast this bridge straight to hell.

ITEM NUMBER FOUR — Jackie Daytona

It is, of course, the official policy of this column to report on any and all news related to “On the Run,” the already iconic episode of What We Do in the Shadows that featured a fancy vampire named Laszlo fleeing his home to become a toothpick-chomping Pennsylvania bartender named Jackie Daytona. We all know this. Therefore, it is with great pleasure that I direct you to this interview at Vulture with the writer of the episode, and the creator of that perfect fake name, Stefani Robinson.

Let’s get right to it. Let’s get to the Jackie Daytona of it all.

Do you remember how you came up with the name Jackie Daytona?

[Laughs]. Vaguely! There’s something that just really tickled me about an “ie” at the end of the name for a guy. Both of my grandmother’s names are Jacqueline, called Jackie, so there was something about that in my mind. But then I was also thinking, what is the most obnoxious specifically American-sounding word I can think of? Which was Daytona. You know, you can’t really top that.

“Jackie Daytona” just had a ring to it, it was one of those moments where it was probably divine inspiration. I didn’t think about it for that long; it sounded like he was cool, and probably God was just speaking to me. I went with it and never looked back.

God, this is beautiful. I am admittedly very biased because I love silly fake names more than almost anything in this world. I spend hours at a time thinking of them. Tex Montreal, Mitch Casino, Brenda Sacramento. I could go on. Lord knows I have. It is true that the best fake names usually end with a physical location as the last name. Justified had Jackie Nevada, The Office had Robert California, both of which I thought were perfect, unbeatable names. Until this year. Until I saw and heard the name Jackie Daytona and I froze in place like the ghosts of my ancestors had walked through my wall and sat down at my dinner table.

I’m realizing now that there’s a non-zero chance I take this with me to the grave. Like I could be 90 years old and I’ll still be thinking about the name Jackie Daytona. I’m actually kind of okay with it.

ITEM NUMBER FIVE — Something incredible happened on Holey Moley this week

Holey Moley is, as we all know, this nation’s finest television program. Arguments to the contrary will not be considered. I don’t even know why you would want to argue about it. What a beautiful, stupid television show. It entertains me consistently. It entertained me especially this week, because something truly incredible happened. That GIF up there is a 20-year-old kickboxer named Mallory getting absolutely walloped on the course’s best hole, Pol-cano. Flipped right over, blammo.

It gets better. She managed to win this hole and advance. The next round featured the windmills, the course’s second-best hole. Let’s see how she d-

THWACK.

Two holes, two dramatic splash landings. I should also mention here that Mallory refers to herself as “The Ronda Rousey of Mini-Golf,” which is just great. Look at how effectively that windmill just wiped her clean off the ground. I could watch it forever. But I won’t. Because there’s more good news.

Against all odds, Mallory won this round, too, and advanced to the finals, which this week featured the course’s third-best hole, Number Two, in which contestants must sprint down a narrow strip of solid ground while a slew of people in monster costumes throw open the doors of portable toilets in an attempt to fling them into the water.

Let’s see h-

POW

This is groundbreaking. She competed on the course’s three best and funniest holes and got just wrecked on each one. It’s magnificent. It’s legendary. It’s one of the greatest athletic performances I’ve ever seen. And here’s the best part…

She won.

SHE WON.

SHE GOT DEMOLISHED ON ALL THREE HOLES AND WAS STILL THE CHAMPION OF THE EPISODE.

SHE ADVANCED TO THE SEASON FINALE AND NOW HAS A SHOT AT $250,000.

I repeat: The nation’s finest television program.

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If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.

From Lee:

I saw some excellent advice recently and am in the middle of a Justified rewatch. One incredibly minor character that stuck with me was Flex, a drug dealer who was planning to leave a life of crime behind by becoming a magician. Flex was played by Chadwick Boseman and if I ever meet him I’m going to tell him how much I loved him in that role and the way he said “I was going to be a magician, you DICK” to the man who tragically cut short his career before it even began. Do you have a scene or role that you would like to reminisce about with a star, that they probably don’t even remember, but that you can’t stop thinking about?

This is a terrific question for at least three reasons:

• It reminded me that Chadwick Boseman was in Justified
• It reminded me that he says the objectively hilarious sentence, “I was going to be a magician, YOU DICK”
• It helped me remember that Nick Offerman — Ron Swanson himself — once appeared on The West Wing as an animal rights activist who wanted the federal government to build an 1800 mile long highway for wolves that would cost $900 million

So that’s my answer. I’ve posted the clip below. Lee, this was a terrific email.

AND NOW, THE NEWS

To an uninhabited island in the Pacific!

Here’s a useful tip: If you ever find yourself stuck on an uninhabited island in the Pacific, it turns out that writing SOS in giant letters on the sand works.

At least, it did this past weekend for three men whose small boat had run out of fuel and drifted off course among the hundreds of islands and atolls of Micronesia.

It worked! The thing from the TV shows and movies worked! I suddenly feel so weirdly validated, like somehow decades of watching cartoons is now retroactively classified as survival research. I’m happy for these guys because they got saved, but I’m even happier for myself. This is a huge day for me.

On Sunday afternoon, one of the American aircraft was finishing the final leg of the day’s patrol when crew members saw the scrawled letters and a blue-and-white vessel on the sand of a tiny uninhabited atoll called Pikelot. Lt. Col. Jason Palmeira-Yen, the pilot of the aircraft, said he was reaching the end of the planned search grid when he turned the plane to avoid a rain shower.

“That’s when we looked down and saw an island, so we decide to check it out and that’s when we saw SOS and a boat right next to it on the beach,” he said.

Do you think one of these guys looked at his buddy and started hallucinating from hunger and his buddy slowly turned into like a huge turkey with human arms and legs? My first instinct would have been to say no, but now that I know the thing about the SOS in the sand working, I’m questioning everything. Maybe coyotes really can survive multiple falls from cliffs and homemade rocket explosions. It’s all on the table now.

Writing huge letters in the sand has proved helpful to travelers stranded in the Pacific in the past. In 2016, three men whose boat was overturned in Micronesian waters swam two miles to reach a tiny island, from which they were rescued by the U.S. Coast Guard after writing “HELP” in the sand.

Here’s my idea. Let’s go around to a bunch of uninhabited islands in the Pacific and write stuff in the sand. Not emergency messages asking for help, just stuff people should know. Examples:

RHEA SEEHORN’S EMMY SNUB IS A SHAMEFUL INDICTMENT OF THE WHOLE SYSTEM

AN ANTEATER CAN EAT OVER 35,000 ANTS IN ONE DAY

THE LEOTARD WAS INVENTED BY A DUDE NAMED JULES LEOTARD WHO DROPPED OUT OF LAW SCHOOL TO BECOME AN ACROBAT

It will be a tremendous waste of time. I’ll supervise from home.