Things I want: results. Things I don’t want: to spend a ton of money.

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Next time someone holds a purse in front of their stomach, I’m going to be looking a little closer.

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I give up.

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The COVID-19 crisis may have curtailed concerts, festivals, and other live performances, but there’s one area that the cautionary quarantine hasn’t been able to stop. Artists have increased their creativity and reduced their budgets on music videos, shooting and editing them on home hardware to show off how they’ve been holding up while self-isolating. The latest artists to contribute to this new trend are Leon Bridges and John Mayer, who put together a cozy video for their aptly-titled collaboration, “Inside Friend.”

The video, shot on iPhones, follows the pair as they lounge around their respective homes in their comfy clothes, playing with dogs, grilling in the yard, or cooking cups of noodles. The song itself isn’t connected to a project from either artist, instead growing out of a joke between the two homebodies that turned out to be remarkably appropriate for current events.

“The concept for ‘Inside Friend’ came about from Mayer and I joking around in the studio about what an ideal date for an introvert or homebody like myself would be,” Bridges explained in a press release. “I tour most of the year, so I’d rather invite a gal over to lounge comfortably in the crib as opposed to go out somewhere crowded. ‘Inside Friend’ stayed on the back burner for a while because it didn’t fit within the context of my third project, but the current state we’re in globally compelled us to dig this back up and finish it. I hope people find it soothing and uplifting while we hole up indoors and get through this.”

Watch Leon Bridges’ “Inside Friend” video with John Mayer above.

The Undertaker has long been one of the most protected characters in pro wrestling history, not just from a booking standpoint but from a kayfabe standpoint. For years, Mark Calaway has avoided doing interviews either in or out of character, though in recent years, he has allowed more cracks in the Undertaker’s facade to develop.

In preparation for the Undertaker: The Last Ride, a five-episode WWE Network docuseries, the first episode of which premieres this Sunday after Money In The Bank, Calaway spoke candidly with ESPN about a variety of topics, most notably being his extreme disappointment toward his WrestleMania 33 main event with Roman Reigns — a match he not only lost, but after which he also signaled his retirement (a decision he later walked back). Calaway watched the match back for the first time during the filming of The Last Ride, an experience he did not enjoy:

“That was one of those times it was tough having the cameras there. That was the first time that I watched that match back. I was so disgusted with it that I didn’t want to watch it back.”

Calaway goes onto admit the match was a disappointment and that he let down Reigns:

“[Watching that match], I’m battling with it. I was so disappointed for Roman. Even after Brock Lesnar beat the streak, for guys coming up to have a match against The Undertaker at WrestleMania — especially where Roman was at — it was important for his career. Especially because he was going over. For me, in that role, I wanted to do the very best that I could do for Roman. I think the world of him. You want to be able to do the best you can for him, and you know you have no business being in the ring.

“Yes, I could have mailed it in. Protected myself. Only done a couple of things that I knew that I could do. But that’s just not the way I work. And it wouldn’t have been fair to him. So I just tried to do the best I could. The harder I tried, the more I did — at least in my perception — it was not a good night. It was really disappointing. Watching it back finally, and watching it back in front of a film crew, it was like … I didn’t have to say much. You could just tell from the expression on my face that I wasn’t really pleased with it.”

We haven’t seen the Undertaker on WWE programming since his Boneyard Match with AJ Styles at WrestleMania 36, largely praised by wrestling fans and journalists all over the world. Will we see him at WrestleMania 37? Only one man knows the answer, and we’ll find out when he wants to tell us.

Hip-hop is moving as fast as ever. Luckily, we’re doing the work to put the best new rap music in one place for you. This week, there were new videos from Doja Cat and Nicki Minaj, Brandy and Chance The Rapper, Lil Baby and 42 Dugg, as well as D Smoke and SiR. There were also new tracks from Migos (with LeBron), Future, Young Thug, Moneybag Yo, TM88, and Southside, RMR, Future and Lil Baby, Jpegmafia and Denzel Curry, Lil Durk, Lil Baby, and Polo G, and an UPROXX session with Yella Beezy. Here’s the rest of the best new rap music this week:

Lil Tjay — State Of Emergency

After a controversial week of beef with A Boogie and High Bridge The Label, Lil Tjay took to social media to say he wanted his news cycle to be just about the music from now on. Today he might get his wish after releasing his State Of Emergency EP, one of the best new rap music collections of the week. The seven-track project showcases Tjay tapping into melodic genre-bending and Brooklyn drill, even collaborating with the late Pop Smoke and Fivio Foreign on the moody “Zoo York.”

Real Recognized Rio — “Pressure” Feat. 21 Savage

Real Recognized Rio is an artist on 21 Savage’s Slaughter Gang crew. This week he linked up with the boss on “Pressure,” a melodic ode to the grind, where 21 wonders, “How you let your problems build up, turn around and call on me? / Taking advantage cause I’m goodhearted and you can call on me?”

A.CHAL — “Hollywood Love” Feat. Gunna

A.CHAL and Gunna get seductive on “Hollywood Love,” taking turns harmonizing over murky, melancholy guitar play.

Onefour — “Say It Again” Feat. ASAP Ferg

Drill music is worldwide at this point, with seemingly every country exploring their rendition of the in-demand subgenre. Leave it up to the ever-ambitious ASAP Ferg to bridge the gap between the Big Apple and the land down under on “Say It Again,” a moody collaboration with Australian artist Onefour.

Chief Keef — “2nd Day Out”

In 2014, Chief Keef released his version of “First Day Out,” a slurry tracing of Gucci Mane’s iconic chronicle of his post-jail itinerary. Chief Keef went back to the winning well on “2nd Day Out,” which was produced by frequent Guwop-collaborator Zaytoven.

Nav — Good Intentions

Toronto genre-bender Nav is back with his latest offering, the 18-track Good Intentions. He stays true to his artistic ethos on his third studio album, delving into sing-songy melodies over 808-driven production alongside artists like Travis Scott, Lil Uzi Vert, Young Thug, and the late Pop Smoke.

Lil Durk — Just Cause Y’all Waited 2

Lil Durk paid homage to his fans with the title of his latest album. The long-awaited project features Durk delivering his leading rendition of trap blues and autotuned crooning alongside LIl Baby and Polo G, G-Herbo, and Gunna.

Moneybagg Yo — “Spin On Em” Feat. Fredo Bang

Moneybagg Yo and Fredo Bang abide by the cold, unforgiving street law on “Spin On Em,“ rhyming ”‘Cause f*ck me, then it’s f*ck you — you know it’s up” on the menacing track. Moneybagg’s Time Services Deluxe will be out next Friday.

Lil Gotit — “Drip Day N Night” Feat. Gunna & Lil Keed

Lil Gotit released a trippy visual companion to his “Drip Day N Night” single with Gunna and Lil Keed. On the single from Gotit’s Hood Baby 2 track, he trades crooning verses with fellow Atliens Gunna and Lil Keed.

Styles P — “Mind Power”

Styles P captures a glimpse of our perilous time on “Mind Power,” the first single from his upcoming Ghost Your Enthusiasm track. He dishes his controversial takes on coronavirus and impending vaccinations while rhyming “I don’t give a f*ck about the CDC / Taking black seed oil playing BDP” on the golden-era channeling track.

Lloyd Banks — “Cold Summer” (Freestyle)

The same week his onetime G-Unit boss 50 Cent’s latest book criticized his work ethic, Banks decided to air his own grievances on a confessional “Cold Summer” freestyle. He addresses the armchair analyses of his career and utters nearly every artist’s existential quandary: “Wonder when this sh*t really over, will I be celebrated?” and laments, “Just when it couldn’t get worst rest in peace, Fred The Godson / life is hard son.”

Tsu Surf — “5’7”

Newark, New Jersey’s Tsu Surf may be known by many as one of the URL battle rap league’s brightest stars, but he’s a talented recording artist as well. He showed off his considerable storytelling ability on the affirming “5’7,” where he weaves various tales of feminine resilience during a video celebrating women of all shapes, sizes, and journeys.

Joell Ortiz & KXNG CROOKED — “H.A.R.D.” Feat. MRK SX

One half of Slaughterhouse, Joell Ortiz and Kxng Crooked, are reuniting for an EP entitled H.A.R.D., no doubt a statement on the type of rhymes they’ll be delivering on the project. They offered a taste of what to expect on the title track, which was crafted by a dream team of production: illMind, Erick Sermon, Apollo Brown, Heatmakerz, and J.U.S.T.I.C.E League.

Scienze — “125th.”

Stop us if you’ve heard this one before: music marks time. Brooklyn rhymer Scienze paid homage to an unforgettable period of his life through the lens of a classic record on “125th.” He reminisces “stylin’ on the street, freestyling droppin’ gold” on Harlem’s 125th street while intermittently reciting elements of Harlem MC Black Rob’s “Whoa” classic.

Berwyn — “Glory”

London-based MC Berwyn started his musical journey when, two weeks before he was set to return to his native Trinidad, the then-experiencing-homelessness artist got a computer. That path paved the way for “Glory,” the reflective debut single from his upcoming, yet-to-be-named first project.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Michael Jordan is, uh, how do I put this, not the nicest guy on earth. This is not a dig against Jordan — his legendary competitive streak turned him into the greatest basketball player of all-time and legitimately the most famous human on the planet during his time in the NBA. But as we’ve seen during The Last Dance, Jordan was outrageously good at taking even the smallest perceived slight and turning that into a way to motivate himself into a random 50-point outing against the Atlanta Hawks or something.

This prickly disposition has popped up a few times during the doc. Magic Johnson got him mad during a Dream Team practice, so Mike turned into a hoops assassin and destroyed a team that featured some of the best players in basketball history. He is still, very obviously, furious that Scottie Pippen got a migraine once 30 years ago. Isiah Thomas. There is nothing else that is necessary to explain “Isiah Thomas.” Hell, Charles Barkley correctly pointed out that he wasn’t doing a great job with the Charlotte Bobcats and Jordan just stopped talking to the dude.

All of this got me wondering: Which NBA player would Michael Jordan hate the most in the event he played right now? So like any doofus, I tweeted it.

A lot of people had a lot to say about this. We, as a staff, more or less decided that it should be turned into content, based entirely about these guys as basketball players and not as humans. Things were broken down into tiers — “Definitely Dislike,” “Maybe Dislike,” “Begrudgingly Respect,” and “Actually Like” — and everything needs to be explained. Here are our findings:

Definitely Dislike

All gamers: There is no chance on earth that Michael Jordan would like any NBA player who games. Could you imagine if the New Orleans Pelicans lost a game, and instead of going to a court somewhere and shooting 500,000 times, Josh Hart (who played 26 minutes and had a respectable 12 points on 4-for-7 shooting with five rebounds and a few steals) decided to play Call of Duty: Warzone for an hour? He’d lose his mind. Michael Jordan, despite being famous for golfing all the time and playing cards on planes, is assuredly anti-gaming.

Andrew Wiggins: Wiggins seems like a very nice guy and a basketball player who Jordan wouldn’t dislike personally. However, his nickname is “Maple Jordan,” and there is absolutely zero chance that Mike wouldn’t go out of his way to hit a billion midrange jumpers and put the clamps on Wiggins to prove that there is only one “Jordan,” regardless of a player’s home country.

Trae Young: A wonderful basketball player who plays in a way that seems to be antithetical to how Jordan believes it should be played. Threes from a million miles away that somehow go in? No sir, there is a space 15-18 feet away from the rim that demands your attention.

Anyone who it seems like Jerry Krause would have liked: This includes most Bulls players, anyone from Croatia who he has not met before a la Toni Kukoc at the 1992 Summer Olympics, and as my pal John Wilmes pointed out, Doug McDermott.

Isaiah Thomas: No Michael, you’ve got the wrong Is(a)iah Thomas!

Patrick Beverley: He is the same kind of relentless pain in the ass John Starks was. Michael Jordan did not like John Starks. He would respect Pat’s tenacity and fearlessness, but otherwise, lord no.

Dwight Howard: I think MJ would respect the Orlando version of Dwight — indomitable rim protector, fierce rebounder, leader of a team that did not back down from anyone and succeeded because of it — and he would have some respect for this version of Dwight, who has been excellent in his current role on the Lakers. All the stuff that happened in between those two things, most notably the way things went with Kobe Bryant during his first go-around in L.A., would turn Jordan off to Dwight forever.

Draymond Green: I mean this as a compliment to Draymond, who by nature of being from Michigan and playing with a serious edge gives off incredible Bad Boys Pistons energy. Also:

Everyone on the Detroit Pistons: Self-explanatory.

Maybe Dislike

Kyrie Irving: Went back and forth on this one a lot. On one hand, they are the most diametrically opposite personalities on earth. On the other, Kyrie left a team that won a championship because he wanted to challenge himself to win on his own, which is a power move I feel like Jordan would respect immensely, even if it didn’t work out. Add in that Kyrie viewed Kobe Bryant as a big brother, and Kobe viewed Mike as a big brother, and I can’t imagine that MJ’s dislike would be as strong as it seems on the surface.

Kevin Durant: There is a 10,000,000 percent chance that no one was more disappointed over KD leaving the Thunder to go to the team that beat the Thunder in the playoffs than Jordan. Having said that, I believe MJ respects KD’s game and his assassin’s mentality immensely, and Durant literally suffered a potentially career-altering injury in the pursuit of a championship, which is the sort of dedication to winning I feel like Jordan would be beyond impressed by. Plus if anyone knows about the stress that comes from the spell of success that KD and the Warriors went through, it’s Jordan.

Kawhi Leonard: During the 2019 NBA playoffs, there were folks saying Leonard was doing a Jordan impression, which is the kind of thing he would get furious over. And as we saw in The Last Dance, Jordan thinks load management is a slight against humanity, even when necessary, as is the case with Leonard. Like Durant, he respects the game, but those two things certainly irk him.

Steph Curry: A winner, which helps his cause a ton, but he did not throw himself in front of the Warriors getting Durant and has a Reggie Miller-esque level of bravado when he’s cooking that it’d drive Jordan insane. Curry also is a big golfer, which could lead to Jordan striking up a friendship with him, although he’s a better golfer than Mike and, as such, this would only further infuriate Jordan.

Ben Simmons: Jordan would turn into every single Weird Celtics Twitter person over Simmons passing up open jumpers, even if he’d do a bunch of stuff on defense reminiscent of Scottie Pippen.

Joel Embiid: Jordan would come away wildly impressed with Embiid every time they play, because Embiid would do a bunch of Hakeem Olajuwon stuff and meet Jordan at the rim and legitimately challenge him. Then, Embiid would have an off night and Jordan would wonder why he has the energy to POST on Twitter, but not POST up opponents. He would then, in their next meeting, dunk on Embiid then run down the court with his arms out like an airplane. Embiid would then do a bunch of Hakeem stuff, and the cycle would begin anew.

Begrudgingly Respect

LeBron James: Yes, there would be animosity from Jordan over the belief that James is a better player, but ultimately I believe Jordan would view James as the Larry Bird to his Magic Johnson and respect how LeBron pushes him to be a better player. Also, LeBron hates load management and is playing 35 minutes a night as a 35 year old in a hyper-focused pursuit of a championship.

Chris Paul: Obviously he would see that CP3 is a shorter floor general who is hyper-demanding of his teammates and competes like hell on both ends of the floor and go “oh wow just like Isiah Thomas, I gotta crush him.” But Jordan would end up respecting his cerebral-ness and the fact that Paul is, like him, from North Carolina, even if he did go to Wake and not UNC. Also: CP is Jordan Brand.

James Harden: The most controversial of all of these, because there is no way that Jordan likes watching Math Ball under any circumstance. I, however, believe Jordan would be a big fan of how Harden plays insane amounts of minutes, shoulders a monster workload, and never gets load managed, even when he is clearly exhausted and banged up. If this is not begrudging respect, I do not know what is.

Actually Like

Jimmy Butler: Jimmy plays 10 billion minutes a night and is an all-time scoundrel. He has left three separate franchises because he believed they did not want to win as badly as he does. He is willing to challenge literally anyone, whether they’re an opponent or on his team. He plays with an edge at all times and is absolutely fearless. They both like to wear fun hats and smoke cigars in Florida. If they do not already love one another, I would be blown away.

Most every UNC, Michigan, Oklahoma, Florida, and Houston guy: If only because he’d enjoy reminding them they wore jerseys with his logo on them while they were in college. He would, of course, share a special kinship with his fellow Tar Heels.

Russell Westbrook: Russell Westbrook, a Jordan Brand athlete (bonus points!), is super intense and attacks the rim like crazy. It is a very Michael Jordan approach, and he would respect it.

Meek Mill isn’t happy about Tekashi 69’s planned livestream on Instagram later today. Meek, who repeatedly criticized the young New York rapper through 2019, making a show of unfollowing him on social media and calling him “vicious” for “starting all that drama and start telling,” once again vented his frustration with the controversial performer in the wake of Tekashi’s recent actions.

After being released from federal custody early to avoid a possible COVID-19 breakout behind bars and subsequently being granted permission to resume “work related” recording activities — including shooting videos in his backyard for two hours a day — Tekashi announced his return to the rap game with a billboard in Times Square and a livestream on Instagram later today to debut his new music. However, Meek Mill wants none of that; he only wants to see Tekashi do one thing with his Instagram Live appearance.

“I hope that rat going live to apologize to the people he told on or the victim,” he wrote. “Y’all forgot that fast a “rat” killed nipsey he wasn’t suppose to be on the streets! That’s the only thing ima day because he’s dead… left his baby mom and child like a coward as targets!”

However, Meek’s comments drew some criticism of their own as fans wondered how Meek made a connection between two unrelated events that took place nearly 3,000 miles apart.

As for Tekashi himself, he doesn’t seem too miffed by Meek’s reaction. In a comment on an Instagram post about Meek’s tweet on The Shade Room, 69 joked, “Imagine having a newborn baby come into the world and be pressed about a Mexican with rainbow hair.” One thing is for certain: Tekashi’s comeback is drawing just as much attention as his initial breakout and downfall. It looks like he might be here to stay.

Watch Tekashi’s livestream today at 3pm EST.

Meek Mill is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

The Academy made a mistake by not nominating Lupita Nyong’o for an Oscar for her performance(s) in Us. Hopefully they don’t make the same “ignore horror movies” error again this year, and look over Elisabeth Moss in The Invisible Man. I’d call it a career-defining performance, but she has about six of those, and will add another when Shirley comes out next month.

Directed by Josephine Decker (Madeline’s Madeline), Neon’s Shirley follows horror writer Shirley Jackson (Moss) and her literary critic husband Stanley Edgar Hyman (A Serious Man‘s Michael Stuhlbarg) and the young couple, Fred (Logan Lerman) and Rose (Odessa Young), they allow to live in their house, free of charge, as long as Rose looks after Jackson. The ensuing events then become the basis for her next book.

Shirley was a hit at Sundance, and you can watch the trailer above. Here’s more:

Renowned horror writer Shirley Jackson is on the precipice of writing her masterpiece when the arrival of newlyweds upends her meticulous routine and heightens tensions in her already tempestuous relationship with her philandering husband. The middle-aged couple, prone to ruthless barbs and copious afternoon cocktails, begins to toy mercilessly with the naïve young couple at their door.

Shirley comes out on June 5.

Comedian Rory Scovel is poised for a breakout, taking the creative reigns and lead role in Robbie, a freshly launched, bingeable series available through Comedy Central’s website and YouTube channel. In the show, Scovel, who you may know from his past comedy specials and his always attention-getting late-night sets, plays a youth basketball coach in the South who is locked in dysfunctional relationships with his coaching icon father, the basketball prodigy son he just found out about, and the idea of adulthood and success.

For our Uproxx 20 series, Scovel repped the south’s best breakfast sandwich (don’t @ me), offered advice to his younger self that we could all stand to take heed of, and let it be known that the best kind of meal to make for Nic Cage is a slow burning one.
1. You walk into a bar. What do you order from the bartender?

Negroni.

2. Who’s your favorite person to follow on Twitter and/or Instagram?

Ifyouhigh

3. What’s currently waiting for you on your DVR or in your streaming queue?

The Last Dance.

4. It’s your last meal — what are you going out with?

Cajun Filet Chicken Biscuit from Bojangles.

5. What websites do you visit on a regular basis?

Tubepornstars.

6. What’s the most frequently played song on your mobile device?

Right now it’s “Fear Inoculum” by TOOL.

7. If you could go back and give your 18-year-old self one piece of advice what would it be?

Don’t be afraid.

8. What’s the last thing you Googled?

How many recipients can be on a Gmail email.

9. Dogs or cats?

Dogs.

10. Best concert of your life was…?

Roger Waters, The Wall at The Staples Center.

11. What book are you most likely to give as a gift?

11.22.63 by Stephen King.

12. What’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?

Trusted me.

13. South Park or Family Guy?

South Park.

14. You have an entire day to do whatever you want. What would you do?

Golf, cigars, tacos, weed, coffee, negronis.

15. What movie can you not resist watching if it’s on?

Back to The Future.

16. The sports team or teams you’re most passionate about?

None.

17. Where did you eat the best meal of your life?

Grace, Chicago – Homegrown, Atlanta – Venus Pie, Spartanburg.

18. The last movie you saw in a theater?

Frozen 2, I think.

19. Who was your first celebrity crush?

Nicole Eggert or Tiffani Amber Thiessen.

20. What would you cook if Nic Cage were coming to your house for dinner?

9-hour Bolognese.

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