Like many of her peers in music, Megan Thee Stallion has been a vocal supporter of the Black Lives Matter protests that have sprung up in the wake of George Floyd’s death over the past month-plus. Megan has reiterated her endorsement of the movement in a new NME cover story, in which she calls BLM protests “part two of the civil rights movement.”
Megan discussed her willingness to speak out about certain subjects, despite the lines she has to toe as a public figure. She said, “Sometimes being a public figure, you don’t wanna say the wrong thing because you don’t want to be insensitive to people or get too opinionated. But I will always say what I feel. I don’t speak on things that I don’t know about, and I won’t speak on things I don’t believe in.”
She also offered her thoughts on the “strong Black woman” stereotype, saying, “Let me tell you, Black women are strong. We can be going through whatever and still put on a good face. I know there were times that my mother might have been going through things but I never knew, because she wanted me to feel safe and OK.”
Seth Rogen is no stranger to beards and oddball New York comedies, but in An American Pickle he’s pulling double duty as a bizarro Captain America. Friday brought the trailer for the HBO Max movie starring Rogen as both a modern New Yorker and an ancestor that’s been missing for a century as part of a strange pickling incident.
The setup is the briny American Dream: Rogen’s character and his wife, played by Sarah Snook (Shiv, from Succession) have dreams of leaving the old country and finding prosperity in America in the early 20th century. The immigration means Rogen goes from a life of ditch-digging to killing rats in a pickle-making facility, where he accidentally falls into a brining vat and is preserved.
Somehow he survives 100 years in the condemned factory and emerges to experience a very different New York City. It’s basically a pickled version of Captain America, minus the super powers and adding in a lot more kosher salt and vinegar.
“The world has changed,” Rogen narrates with an accent as he holds a newspaper clipping of Snook’s obituary during the trailer. “Everyone I know is gone.”
But he tracks down a great grandson, also played by an accent-less Rogen, who shows him the ropes of the modern Big Apple. The plot apparently mixes the modern Rogen finding his way, a very confounded brined Rogen learning about David Bowie and the eradication of polio, and maybe some artisan pickles. It looks like a nice mix of heartfelt and absurd, which is a perfect distraction from a reality where surviving 100 years in a vat of pickles would serve as a nice relaxing staycation of sorts. An American Pickle hits HBO Max on August 6, just in time to watch it while taking a nice soak in a pool of something other than pickle juice.
For years, individuals and groups alike have argued that Washington’s NFL team should change its name, arguing the name used since 1933 is offensive to Native Americans. The franchise has pushed back at every turn, but following a number of threats from corporate sponsors, it appears the team is preparing to make some sort of change to its longtime brand.
A recent report by Adweek indicated that a number of investors that are worth a combined $620 billion wrote a letter to a trio of the team’s largest sponsors — FedEx, Nike, and PepsiCo — calling on them to divest from the franchise as long as it kept its current name. Shortly after, FexEx asked Washington to make the move, while Nike stopped listing team merchandise on its website.
All of this financial pressure on the organization appears to have paid off. In a statement by the franchise that included quotes from owner Dan Snyder and head coach Ron Rivera, the team announced a “thorough review” is underway.
And here it is: the Redskins are undergoing a thorough review of the team’s name.
And let’s be clear: There’s no review if there’s no change coming.
There is no word on a potential timetable for a name change, nor are there any rumblings of what the team’s new name could possibly become. According to BetOnline, which put out odds for a potential new name, “Presidents” is currently the favorite.
Though the trending hashtags have shifted since last month, the protests that have broken out across the country calling for racial justice and accountability with regards to police violence have continued on. Unless you’re marching or following on social media, it’s easy to forget that people are still out in the streets daily, standing up against oppression. But they 100% are — with protests planned this holiday weekend across the country.
Of course, systemic racism is a massive tree with rotten roots infiltrating all parts of our lives. Meaning we need to fight the battle across multiple fronts. And one of those fronts is economic justice. As various states begin reopening their economies (while others un-reopen), it’s a crucial time to recognize that, now more than ever, Black-owned businesses are in desperate need of our support. Particularly as COVID-19 proves absolutely devastating to the restaurant industry, with eateries nationwide unable to stay afloat on take-out and delivery sales alone.
While the US unemployment rate in June was 11.1% — slightly down from 12.4% in May — according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the Black unemployment rate its much higher at 16.8%, and historically, depressions and recessions tend to hit African-American and other minority communities the hardest. A report on the Impact of the US Housing Crisis on the Racial Wealth Gap Across Generations reveals that during the Great Recession of ’07, black households lost 40 percent of their wealth, and haven’t recovered to the lengths that white households have during the same period. Which means that the racial wealth gap is continuing to grow unchecked.
To help support Black-owned businesses in our communities, we’ve collected all the resources you’ll need, from Google spreadsheets to apps.
PART I — Apps, Features, and Websites
There are several apps and websites out there designed to directly connect consumers with Black-owned businesses and some existing apps like UberEats are adding new search features to help increase the visibility of Black-owned businesses.
Created by husband and wife Anthony Edwards and Janique Bradley, EatOkra is one of the faster-growing and most popular apps right now — connecting users to nearby black-owned restaurants, bakeries, cafes, food trucks, bars, and wineries, with a focus on businesses struggling to survive in neighborhoods experiencing gentrification. Currently, the EatOkra database has just 2,600 total listings, but according to Matador Network, around 5,000 new businesses have reached out to the app’s founders since June 1st in hopes of being added to the directory.
If you’re looking to support Black-owned businesses outside of the realm of food, the Black Wallet app provides an online directory of black businesses, as well as educational courses and other business services meant to build community and raise the visibility of outstanding Black-owned businesses. The Black Wallet app has an easy to use search function that will allow you to connect to businesses close to you, or search specific terms like “pizza” or “athletic wear.”
Though we can’t exactly engage with our communities in the middle of a global pandemic, Black Wallet also has a feature that’ll alert you to nearby events hosted by, at, or for Black-owned businesses, which will come in handy next year.
Support Black Owned, or SBO, connects users to the nearest Black-owned business in their areas — using a familiar format that recalls Yelp, complete with 1-5 star user reviews. Find Black-owned photo businesses and visual art firms, dentists, beauty companies, restaurants, bars, and even legal and financial services with data for 48 states in the country (sorry North and South Dakota).
Yelp added a new function in June that allows Black-owned businesses to self-identify as such and added a “Black-owned” search feature to their site’s filtering options to help users connect and support nearby businesses. According to yelp, searches for and related to “Black-owned businesses” increased by 35x between March 27th and June 10th, when compared to data for the same days the previous year.
Since early June, UberEats has been highlighting black-owned restaurants by way of a banner on the app’s landing page that is being shown to users in major cities in the United States and Canada. In addition, UberEats has also waived all delivery fees from Black-owned restaurants for the rest of the year and is looking to expand their support outside of major cities in tandem with their general expansion of services.
The restaurants on the list were chosen by members and allies of the Black @ Uber employee leadership group.
A new feature on Postmates allows you to find Black-owned businesses in your immediate area by simply typing “black-owned” in the Postmates search bar. Postmates, like UberEats, is also waiving all delivery fees from each restaurant in the “Black-owned” category.
Launched in 2018, Black Nation provides a platform for Black-owned business owners to increase the visibility of their businesses and offers consumers an easy way to find any kind of business they need in a fast and convenient way.
Created by Brooklyn-born Mandy Bowman, Black Wall Street is one of the largest digital platforms focused on connecting consumers with Black-owned businesses. Find, review, and support businesses near your with the Black Wall Street and connect with the platforms over 1.16 million users. The Black Wall Street app will alert you of special offers from businesses nearby, and help new businesses gain more exposure.
The AALBC has a list on its website of 129 Black-owned bookstores across the United States. Search for near you by state or add your favorite bookstore to the list.
Browsing through WeBuyBlack is a little bit like skimming through Amazon, only instead of contributing to the insane wealth of Jeff Bezos, you’ll be supporting Black sellers and businesses selling everything from clothing, books, and jewelry, to beauty supplies, and furniture.
PART II — Google Docs, Spreadsheets, and Directories
If the apps and websites aren’t giving you enough local options, there are several community-made Google spreadsheets and directories specific to certain cities. Here are some of the most extensive ones we’ve found.
Arizona
Made in partnership between Local First Arizona and the Phoenix Black Collective, this guide provides a list of Black-owned restaurants in the greater Phoenix area and Tucson-based Black-owned businesses.
Massachusettes
Yankee Magazine created an extensive Google spreadsheet of Black-owned restaurants currently open throughout New England and the Boston area.
California
If you’re in the Bay Area and looking to support Black-owned businesses that are currently offering take-out or delivery in your area, check out this google spreadsheet of restaurants, coffee shops, and bakeries compiled by the San Francisco Chronicle’s Soleil Ho.
The Infatuation’s Kat Hong made a similar spreadsheet for the Los Angeles area, and Packs Light’s Gabby Beckford complied this list for the San Diego area.
Florida
Writer Zachary Fagenson made this extensive Google spreadsheet of Black-owned restaurants in Miami which features 69 entries, as well as the type of they serve and whether the restaurants are currently offering take out.
Georgia
Pastry chef Erika Council of Bomb Biscuits Atlanta created this Instagram post of coffee shops and black-owned restaurants to support in Atlanta.
Big Easy Magazine posted a list of Black-owned restaurants in New Orleans to their Instagram Account about a month back, and the Where Black NOLA Eats Facebook group created an interactive map of all the Black-owned bars and restaurants in the greater New Orleans area.
Support Black-Owned Restaurants Week compiled this list of Portland-based food establishments which features current status updates for each restaurant amid the city’s COVID-19 restrictions.
For people in the Seattle area, be sure to check out this Google spreadsheet of restaurants, bars, and other food establishments compiled by food and travel writer Naomi Tomky.
This weekend, they have another couple (and close friends) on the show in Norman Reedus and his wife, Diane Kruger. The episode was actually taped a few weeks ago and delayed when Friday Night with the Morgans went on a brief hiatus. It finally aired this week, and in addition to Reedus and Kruger, Elisabeth Moss (The Handmaid’s Tale, West Wing) also joins the Morgans.
The big highlight here, however, is some lore I had never heard about The Walking Dead. When Jeffrey Dean Morgan asks the guests what their biggest fear is, both Diane Kruger and Norman Reedus reveal that they are not fans of horses. Kruger has been thrown off them a few times, and says that she has turned down roles that required her to ride horses. Likewise, Reedus said he doesn’t trust them, which is why he — unlike every other cast member on the The Walking Dead these days — still rides a motorcycle instead of a horse.
“They originally had me doing some sort of runway dramatic horse ride,” Reedus says of The Walking Dead. “Right before we started shooting, I said, ‘Well, whose motorcycle is that over there?” ‘Oh, that’s your brother’s,’ they said. ‘Well, if he can ride, I can ride!’
“And they were like, ‘Would you rather take that?’ And I was like, ‘Yes!’ And that’s how I got out of [riding a horse],” Reedus says.
“Well, look at that,” Jeffrey Dean Morgan continues. “And that [fear of horses] has created half the Daryl Dixon mythology.”
“You put your fear to work,” Burton adds.
Friday Night in with the Morgans airs Friday nights on AMC. The Walking Dead season finale is expected to air this fall.
Sufjan Stevens recently announced The Ascension, which will be his first solo album in five years when it drops towards the end of September. With the announcement, he revealed that the record’s lead single, the 12-minute “America,” would drop on Friday. So, today, the track has arrived.
Stevens calls his new single “a protest song against the sickness of American culture in particular.” Musically, the track hearkens back to Stevens’ The Age Of Adz-style experimentation, with ambient passages and larger moments twisting and turning into each other.
On it, he sings of losing faith in his country, saying, “I have loved you, I have grieved / I’m ashamed to admit I no longer believe / I have loved you, I received / I have traded my life for a picture of the scenery.” He ends the song by repeating, “Don’t do to me what you did to America / Don’t do to me what you do to yourself.”
The Ascension is Stevens’ first solo album since 2015’s Carrie & Lowell. He has remained busy in the interim, though. For example, Stevens and his stepfather, Lowell Brams, released an album together earlier this year.
Listen to “America” above.
The Ascension is out 9/25 via Asthmatic Kitty Records. Pre-order it here.
We’re constantly in search of the best bottle of bourbon, Tennessee whiskey, or just whiskey overall. Call it a life-long quest. Part of that journey is tasting whiskey. Another part is studying the stuff. And yet another part is listening to people in the industry and what they like to sip. Today, we’re focusing on that last bit — diving into the “USA” section of the Internation Whisky Competition’s 2020 results.
The International Whisky Competition is yet another yearly award that means a lot in the whisk(e)y world. Their gold medals are coveted by the best distillers and blenders in the game. While the talent behind the tasting committee is fairly U.S. focused (in Las Vegas specifically), they still make up an international who’s who of folks from the drinks industry. People that know what they’re talking about when it comes to whisk(e)y’s various styles and expressions.
The eight bottles below represent the core of the U.S.A. winners that were announced this week. While we’re very familiar with some of these bottles, a few of them are from very small and local distilleries and we’ve yet to try them. In those cases, we’ve pulled tasting notes from either the distiller or a retailer to fill in the gaps.
Best Overall American Whiskey/Best Straight Bourbon Whiskey/Best Kentucky Whiskey — Eagle Rare 10-Year-Old
ABV: 45% Distillery: Buffalo Trace Distillery, Frankfort, KY Average Price:$40
The Whiskey:
This whiskey from Buffalo Trace’s core collection line is a damn fine bottle of bourbon. The price is very accessible and the juice never disappoints. The whiskey is made in a straightforward manner, with a classic bourbon aging process that lasts ten years.
Tasting Notes:
Dark cherries mingle with ripe apples next to classic bourbon vanilla and hint of oaky spice. The palate has a velvet texture that leans into the fruits, mild spice, and light creaminess underpinned by a flutter of dark chocolate. That velvet feeling lingers for a spell on your senses as the dark spices, fruit, vanilla, caramel, and a hint of honey fade out.
Best Cask Strength Bourbon Whiskey — 1792 Full Proof
ABV: 62.5% Distillery: Barton 1792 Distillery, Bardstown, KY Average Price:$55
The Whiskey:
1792 is a great bottle to chase down for any occasion. Their Full Proof goes through a very specific aging process that’s all about the barrel’s placement in the rickhouse. These barrels are stored in three different rickhouses where they’re bathed in direct sunlight from seven-story high windows. This daily dose of warming sun adds that x-factor to the juice before it’s bottled without any fuss.
Tasting Notes:
Apple orchards and fresh honeycombs mix with a very distant thought of banana. Those apples edge towards a cinnamon and clove laced stewed apple feel, with a bit of maltiness and a spritz of lemon zest. There’s a moment of vanilla in the background but it’s the warmth and fruitiness that lingers in the senses.
Best Single Barrel Bourbon Whiskey — 1792 Single Barrel
ABV: 49.3% Distillery: Barton 1792 Distillery, Bardstown, KY Average Price:$45
The Whiskey:
This, naturally, is another stellar expression to pull drams from. Each barrel is hand-selected from the Barton rickhouses for their individuality and beauty. The resulting bottle is shockingly affordable for the quality of booze therein.
Tasting Notes:
The apple and banana are still present but the apple rings more tart and the banana more edging towards banana bread. Creamy toffee and sharp spices come into play on the palate with more of an emphasis on black pepper than cinnamon alongside that hit of lemon oils. The end is a warm one with the fruit really shining through as it fades.
Best American Rye Whiskey — Old Elk Straight Rye
ABV: 44% Distillery: Old Elk Distillery, Fort Collins, CO Average Price:$90
The Whiskey:
This small distillery out in Colorado already gained prominence for its straight bourbon, thanks to its high malted barley mash bill. Their rye is making all the waves this year and remains a bit of a sphynx when it comes to what’s in the bottle (besides deep craftsmanship).
“Smooth enough to be had alone or added as a delicious kick to your favorite mixed drink, this drink is of the highest quality and includes only the finest ingredients. Carefully selected for its distinctive flavor profile, this drink is distilled for a smooth, bold taste.”
Best American Single Malt — Old 55 Single Barrel American Single Malt
ABV: 40% Distillery: Old 55 Distillery, Newtown, IN Average Price: Limited
The Whiskey:
This is another super niche expression from a small and very local distillery in Indiana. The brand is known for its bourbon more than anything else and, to be honest, their American Single Malt is going to pretty hard to find unless they make some more bottles.
Best Micro Distillery Whiskey — Old Hamer Straight Bourbon Cask Strength
ABV: 57.5% Distillery: West Fork Whiskey Co., Lawrence County, IN Average Price:$40
The Whiskey:
We’re deep in the weeds of some seriously regional and small-time whiskeys. This brand is interesting, given its mash bill of 99 percent corn and only one percent malted barley. The juice is then aged at least two years and bottled at barrel proof. You’ll likely only run across this label if you’re in the Indiana/Illinois area.
Best Moonshine/White Lightning/New Make — The Mob Museum Moonshine
ABV: 50% Distillery: The Mob Museum Distillery, Las Vegas, NV Average Price:$25
The Whiskey:
You kind of have to laugh that that very touristy Mob Museum in Las Vegas is now distilling their own ‘shine. “Why not?” we say. Gangsters and moonshine go hand-in-hand and it’s a pretty impressive feat for a souvenir bottle to win an award like this. Then again, the awards are in Las Vegas. So… take that as you will.
“With notes of buttery sweet popcorn, you won’t find moonshine like this anywhere else.”
Best Tennessee Whiskey –Uncle Nearest 1856 Premium
ABV: 50% Distillery: Nearest Green Distillery, Shelbyville, TN Average Price:$60
The Whiskey:
Uncle Nearest has been cleaning up the awards circuit for that last few years. And with good reason, their Tennessee whiskey is some of the best sourced and finished whiskey on the market. Plus, supporting this brand means supporting BIPOC in the whiskey industry.
Tasting Notes:
Pears hanging from a tree in the late summer sun sit next to a real sense of dark spices. There’s a slight tartness that counterpoints a fresh herbal note before a whiff of vanilla arrives next to more spice. The dram slowly fades out from the oak through the tart fruit and vanilla until the warming spices are the only thing that’s left alongside a svelte coating in your mouth.
Queen Naija has dropped a second remix to her buzzing “Butterflies” track with “Butterflies Pt. 2” featuring Wale. The DC rhymer delves into a love gone sour over the soft guitar play, rhyming “my heart is gone from your larceny.”
Yo Gotti — “Recession Proof”
Yo Gotti decided to celebrate his newfound industry independence during the week of Independence Day, dropping his “Recession Proof” single. He affirms his devotion to the cash count over triumphant Tay Keith production.
Young Dolph — “Blue Diamonds”
Young Dolph is “hotboxin’ in a Lamborghini truck” on “Blue Diamonds,” a flossy single where he bigs up his riches but reminds us he’s still loyal enough to “bust down 8 figures with my famo.”
MoneyBagg Yo — “Said Sum”
MoneyBagg Yo got the people talking with “Said Sum,” rhyming about an ex that he “gave back to the streets” over a hellish synth. It’s not much of a secret who he could be talking about — but it’s also apparent that this bangs too much for that to matter.
Buckwild — Fully Loaded
Buckwild released his Fully Loaded track today. It’s a standout song from the project is “Ease Up,” where Little Brother and Buckwild trade bars over a smooth, jazzy instrumental.
Smoove’L — “Turn Left Turn Right”
Smoove’L does a bit of a pivot on “Turn Left Turn Right,” using a now-trademark drill beat not for menace but to talk about “pullin’ up” to his woman of the moment, and also letting us know, “I’m feelin’ very elite, n****s know I got the streets.”
Jay Critch — “Devastated”
Brooklyn’s Jay Critch shows off his bars on “Devastated,” floating over a dreamy, minimalist beat and rhyming, “The cookie got me up by Heaven’s gate”
Jay Gwuapo — “Blue Face” Feat. Asian Doll
Jay Gwuapo and Asian Doll are reporting live from the lap of luxury on “Blue Face,” a thumping track where Gwuapo proclaims, “N****s think they making noise, n****s just ain’t loud enough” and Asian Doll boasts, “rRw b*tch I done made that n**** famous.”
Kembe X Tracks
Kembe X is crafting his Matrix Breaker album for a fall release and offered up two tastes of what to expect from the project this week. “Sad” is exactly what it sounds like, as the Chicago rapper croons about his desire to not “go out sad” out here. “Entendre” is a trap burner where he and Gatecitycraig trade charismatic verses.
Ras Kass — “”Burn” Feat. CyHi The Prynce, Torae, Pastor Troy, David Banner & Noochie
A slew of underground favorites formed a coalition to slam white supremacy on “Burn,” a 7-minute reckoning where each MC verbally accosts the system over urgent Zaytoven production, threatening, “Tell the pastor he can’t tell me sh*t, we gon’ burn this b*tch.”
Marlon Craft — “(Not) Everybody”
Marlon Craft’s Funhouse Mirror album was released a year ago, but as Kanye West recently showed, it’s never too late to give a dope song some dope visuals. That’s what Craft did for album standout “(Not) Everybody,” a characteristically thoughtful record where he surmises, “I wanna see all my people evolve, but we in a world where that seem so hard.”
Cambatta — “Mic El JahXsun”
Cambatta called his “Mic El JahXsun” track the greatest rhyme scheme ever invented. Skeptics will immediately scoff at the notion, but that assertion shouldn’t take away from the reality that he showed a level of lyricism that only a rare few rhymers can reach. The track is from his upcoming LSD album.
Haviah Mighty — “Thirteen”
Haviah Mighty offers an important reminder of the deep roots of systemic oppression on “Thirteen,” a track from her 13th Floor album. The animated visual augments her urgent, reflective bars, as she rhymes, “The system the new slavemaster ridin’ to stop us and bully and sh*t.”
Kahri 1K — “Out The Way”
Kahri 1k got up with Lex Luger for the thumping “Out The Way,” where he delves into a catchy flow and lets the crabs know, “It’s too much money out this b*tch you shouldn’t have time to hate on no n—–a.”
Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
The basketball program at Howard University, an HBCU located in Washington, D.C., picked up the biggest commitment in its history on Friday morning. Makur Maker, a five-star center prospect and the No. 4 player at his position in the class of 2020, announced on his Twitter account that he’s decided to join the Bison.
Maker, the younger cousin of Detroit Pistons center Thon Maker, expressed his desire to start a movement among big-name college basketball recruits to attend HBCUs, and called on 2023 standout Mikey Williams to consider joining Kenny Blakeney’s program when the time comes for him to make the jump to the collegiate ranks. Williams, who reports indicate is considering Howard in his recruitment process, responded by praising Maker for his decision and saying “let’s shock the world.”
I was the 1st to announce my visit to Howard & other started to dream “what if”. I need to make the HBCU movement real so that others will follow. I hope I inspire guys like Mikey Williams to join me on this journey. I am committing to Howard U & coach Kenny Blakeney #MakerMob
A former standout at Duke as a player, Blakeney has made it a point to try and bring elite talent to Howard since joining the program as its head coach last season. As he previously told ESPN, “Wherever a five-star lands, we can’t mess it up. If we mess it up, we may not have another opportunity to be able to do it.” The first half of that equation was accomplished with the addition of Maker.
Additionally, Maker thanked the coaches at the other three programs he was strongly considering: Kentucky, Memphis, and UCLA.
I want to thank Coach Cal and Coach KP of University of Kentucky Coach Cronin of UCLA and coach Hardaway of Memphis for considering me. It was a tough choice.
According to Jeff Borzello of ESPN, the Kenyan-born, Australian-raised big man is the highest-rated recruit to ever commit is the highest-rated recruit in the 13-year history of the worldwide leader’s basketball recruiting service. Makur currently attends Hillcrest Prep, stands 6’11, and is the No. 16 overall recruit in his class, according to ESPN. Should he get drafted, Makur would become the first player from an HBCU to get selected since former Norfolk State standout Kyle O’Quinn was picked by the Orlando Magic in the second round of the 2012 NBA Draft.
The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.
ITEM NUMBER ONE — One of the greats
If you’re looking to kill 10 or 15 minutes in the next few days, I recommend swinging by the IMDb page for Stephen Root. The first thing you’ll notice as you scroll — and scroll and scroll — is that it is absolutely stacked. The man has credits galore, something like 50 listed acting and voice roles in the last five years alone. And it’s not like he’s taking filler roles in VOD movies to keep busy. This is not an Eric Roberts situation. Stephen Root has appeared in like half of your favorite shows and he’s usually one of the best parts of those shows when he does. Stephen Root does not miss.
How far back do you want to go? Office Space, where he played the stapler-obsessed office drone who eventually followed through on his threats to burn the building down? How about King of the Hill, where he voiced Bill Dauterive and a collection of other characters for 13 seasons? The West Wing, 24, True Blood, From the Earth to the Moon, just popping up here and there throughout the last 25 years of television like a small-screen Forrest Gump, which I mean in only the best way. And this is before we get to his role as Jimmy James in Newsradio. You could choose any number of clips to represent his time on the show as the cutthroat businessman and owner of the station, but my favorite is probably the time he lost Phil Hartman’s character to a rival station in a poker game.
Perfect. Wonderful in every way. Does anyone on earth play a charming but kinda scummy authority figure better than Stephen Root? I honestly cannot think of anyone who can top him. Think about his turn as the eccentric Judge Reardon on Justified, a character who enjoyed both excitement and giving people the business. I loved seeing him pop up every now and then on that show. You knew it was going to be a good episode when Judge Reardon showed up to give Raylan a little hell.
And Barry. Good Lord is Stephen Root a blast in Barry as Bill Hader’s Svengali-like handler Monroe Fuches. He does this thing when he starts processing information where you can see the devious gears grinding behind his eyes, where you can almost see the little thought bubbles pop up outside his head, all of them filled with ways to game the situation in his favor, people and/or property be damned. He does this as most of his characters at one point or another. It is one of my favorite things. Very few people alive do the specific thing they do as well as Stephen Root does the thing he does. He’s like an NBA player who sticks around the league for 15 years because he can hop off the bench for 20 minutes a game and make 40 percent of his three-pointers. He’s basically Kyle Korver. Stephen Root is the Kyle Korver of actors. I stand by this.
Also, and this is admittedly less important than the other things I’ve mentioned but I’m still scrolling through his IMDb page and it’s becoming unavoidable, he has played some characters with some really tremendous names. A sampling: Hawthorne Abendsen, Rick Ocean, Mortimer Begoyle, Bud Gleeful, Gaston Means, Hank Maestro, Professor Robert Tubing, Clarence Sweetwater, and Steven Fingerman. His first credit is a small role in Crocodile Dundee II as a character listed as “DEA Agent (Toilet).” The man has been a legend from the beginning.
All of this is why I was so excited to see him show up this week in Perry Mason as the slimy district attorney. No one is better suited for a role as a slimy district attorney in a noir-y HBO drama. He even got to grow that thin little mustache for the role. It’s basically a perfect match of actor and role. Stephen Root does what Stephen Root does so well that it almost feels like we should create a separate category for it at the Emmys every year and give him the trophy. In fact, yes, let’s go ahead and do that. I would enjoy it. And he deserves it. Look at that, two good reasons.
It’s settled.
ITEM NUMBER TWO — Let’s check in with Paolo Sorrentino, creator of The Young Pope and The New P-… and he’s playing with figurines
Netflix
That’s not fair. He’s not “playing with figurines” as much as he is “making a short film for a Netflix project called Homemade, in which a bunch of filmmakers put together little movies while quarantined at home.” But still, there are definitely figurines in his. And that’s not the best part. We’re getting to that, I swear.
But first, the plot. Queen Elizabeth goes to the Vatican to visit the Pope. Not long after she gets there, news of the pandemic hits, and the two of them end up stuck in there together. They realize they have a lot in common: they are both leaders of a huge group of people, they both often feel alone and isolated by their power, they both… like to dance. Which they do. The figurines of Queen Elizabeth and the Pope share a dance. And a skinny dip. It’s really quite a lot packed into about seven minutes. I adore it. But none of this is the best part, either.
The best part of the short comes right near the beginning when the news of the pandemic first hits and is broken to Queen Elizabeth and the Pope, in the Vatican, by, and I’m going to include a screencap with dialogue so you all don’t think I’m making this up… The Dude from The Big Lebowski. In figurine form. Complete with someone doing a really terrible impression of Jeff Bridges. Look.
Netflix
Everyone is going a little nutty in quarantine. Some of us are handling it poorly, yelling at strangers online or watching our morale sink through the floor. Paolo Sorrentino is dreaming up platonic love affairs between figurines of Queen Elizabeth and the Pope, featuring brief appearances by a weed-seeking Jeffrey Lebowski, and filming it all with his cell phone. I would argue this is much healthier.
ITEM NUMBER THREE — Listen to Hanks
Sony Pictures Entertainment
Tom Hanks is, among other things:
A multiple Oscar winner
A coronavirus survivor
The nicest man alive
The first two are objective facts and the third is basically one too, based on every story you’ve ever heard and also this New York Times profile of him. The point I’m getting at is that when Tom Hanks says something from the heart, you should hear him out. Let’s hear him out.
“There’s really only three things we can do in order to get to tomorrow: Wear a mask, social distance, wash our hands.”
“Those things are so simple, so easy, if anybody cannot find it in themselves to practice those three very basic things – I just think shame on you,” he added. “Don’t be a p—-, get on with it, do your part. It’s very basic. If you’re driving a car, you don’t go too fast, you use your turn signal and you avoid hitting pedestrians. My Lord, it’s common sense.”
I’m dying to know what that censored word is. I’m guessing it’s “prick.” Imagine making Tom Hanks so angry that he calls you a prick. I would dig a hole 30 feet deep and crawl into it for a month. Only reasonable response.
I would also like to point out, on the mask issue, that being on a ventilator sucks tremendously. I was on one for like a month after my spinal cord injury in 2005. I did not like it. I can say with almost 100 percent certainty that you would not like it. There are tubes going down your throat and big loud machines and it’s really just miserable. Way more annoying than, like, wearing a mask to the local Whole Foods. Even if, in the face of scientific research piled up to your abdomen, you’re pretty sure masks don’t work, it’s still a solid hedge just from a cost-benefit perspective. It costs you next to nothing and could increase your odds of staying off a ventilator. I’ll take that dice roll every time.
Listen to me and Tom Hanks. Wear a mask.
ITEM NUMBER FOUR — A few relatively straightforward questions about Jason Momoa voicing Frosty the Snowman
Why hasn’t Jason Momoa voiced Frosty the Snowman before?
Who else was on their list if he didn’t want to do it?
What celebrity would be the funniest Frosty the Snowman?
Tracy Morgan, right?
If Aquaman controls the water and Frosty is made of frozen water, does that mean Aquaman can control Frosty?
What if Aquaman 3 features Jason Momoa and an army of snowmen battling evildoers on glaciers in the North Pole?
You would watch that movie, right?
What if they’re in the North Pole because the villain kidnapped Santa?
What if Aquaman has to save Christmas?
Who would be the funniest celebrity you could cast as the kidnapped Santa in this movie?
It’s Tracy Morgan again, right?
ITEM NUMBER FIVE — Game Night rules
This week, inspired by the release of Netflix’s Eurovision Song Contest, Uproxx’s Jessica Toomer wrote a very good and very correct piece about what an underrated comedic performer Rachel McAdams is, and one of the examples she mentioned was the 2018 film Game Night. I like that Jessica did this because Game Night rules. I just watched it again Tuesday night and can happily confirm it. The movie is just loaded. Jason Bateman does his thing, Billy Magnussen plays a charming idiot, Sharon Horgan kills it, Lamorne Morris from New Girl kills it, Kyle Chandler and Jesse Plemons kill it as very different kinds of lunatics. Just a good and fun movie. But we’re talking about Rachel McAdams here.
McAdams plays the plucky, ultra-competitive foil to Bateman’s stiff-lipped, dry-witted half, and she’s tasked with the heavy lifting as Bateman leans on his trademark sarcasm, leaving her to pull off the more exaggerated bits. She does, elevating a hostage scene with a wildly funny dance number that sees her character whipping a “fake” gun around and shoving it into men’s faces before accidentally shooting Bateman’s character and trying to clean his wound with a “nice chard,” a Good Housekeeping recipe, and a squeaky toy.
This is true. All of it. You can watch it in the scene I embedded up there.
In hindsight, both stars of The Notebook, McAdams and Ryan Gosling, might be better in comedies than dramas. Now I think I need to watch The Nice Guys again. I’ll do that while you watch Game Night. Fun little weekend we have planned all of a sudden.
READER MAIL
If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.
From Manny:
What’s a movie speech you can recite word for word every time it comes on? I didn’t even realize it until recently but I can do the entire “farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse, and doghouse” speech The Fugitive. I bet I can do most of Jack Nicholson’s “You want me on that wall” speech from A Few Good Men, too. I’m sure there are more useful things my brain can be doing with that storage space. I feel like you can relate for some reason.
Buddy, can I ever. And I apologize for sitting on your question for a few weeks. I had a reason, though. It’s because my answer is President Whitmore’s speech from Independence Day. I wanted to save it for today.
I don’t think I can do the speech without the movie playing, the same way it’s easier to sing along to a song as it plays. And I’m not sure I can still do it word for word perfect. But once I get cranking I’m good for some table-banging and thundering at the “We will not go quietly into the night” part. I am not entirely sure I know the license plate number on my car but I bet I can still do this at around 85-90 percent accuracy. I’m okay with it.
Drivers got a shock Wednesday afternoon when a group of big hogs scattered onto Interstate 95 in Thornburg, leading a pair of crash scenes, miles of southbound backups and injured swine.
HAM ON THE LAM.
HAM ON THE LAM.
HAM ON THE LAM.
All but one of the hogs were placed back in the trailer at the scene closest to the Thornburg exit. One more hog was found to the south along I-95 just across the county line in Caroline.
The state police did not say how the hogs ended up in the roadway, but said the investigation continues.
I know they mean they are investigating what human is responsible for the pigs getting loose and how that human’s actions or inaction resulted in the calamity described above, but it is much funnier to picture a suspicious detective questioning a series of pigs like Denzel Washington does to the bank robbery suspects in Inside Man. Really get that visual bubbling away in your head. It’s a fun one.
Some people were with the hog on the ground, which looked to be covered with a wet towel. Others had put a leash around one of the hogs to keep it from running onto the interstate. Another hog looked seriously injured and couldn’t get up, she said, while a fourth had what she described as road rash.
From the back seat, her 2-year-old daughter, Bella, said: “Poor piggy, piggy crying.”
Well, dammit. Now I feel bad about typing HAM ON THE LAM so many times. Not bad enough that I didn’t just do it again in the last sentence, but still, pretty bad. In my defense, it is very fun to type.
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: Orin Fleurmont) pic.twitter.com/WOTdASmXbh
