Harry Styles’ sophomore effort Fine Line arrived as the first No. 1 album of 2020. Following an intriguing album rollout, where Styles’ team created travel advertisements for a completely fictional island, Styles has shared cinematic visuals accompanying several tracks. Now, Styles returns with a sunny video set to his certified Platinum single “Watermelon Sugar.”

Directed by Bradley & Pablo and filmed ahead of the pandemic in Malibu, Styles aptly wrote in the description that the video is “dedicated to touching.” A celebration of summer, the visual opens with Styles enjoying a slice of watermelon on a scenic beach. Styles is then suddenly surrounded by a group of models feeding him various fruits. Afterward, Styles and his entourage enjoy a raucous picnic before basking in the sun’s rays in the sand.

Ahead of the video’s release and before the pandemic diffused his touring plans, Styles was gearing up to embark on a massive North American tour with support from Jenny Lewis. The support act was an unlikely choice by Styles, even to Lewis herself. Lewis admitted she was surprised by his choice because the two had never spoken before. “We don’t know each other — I’ve never met him,” Lewis said in an interview with Rolling Stone. “I think he really likes On The Line.”

Watch Styles’ “Watermelon Sugar” video above.

Fine Line is out now via Columbia. Get it here.

Some of the artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Stargirl originally received the greenlight for DC Universe, but never fear if you don’t subscribe because, like other shows birthed for that screening service, this series is also landing in second location: The CW Network. Likewise, Doom Patrol will soon continue with a second season on HBO Max, Harley Quinn is now pushing through its sophomore turn on Syfy, and Swamp Thing looks to be moving to The CW in the near future. Yes, it’s confusing, but I have a hunch that the DC Universe shows could all end up being absorbed into HBO Max at some point (with DC Universe ceasing to exist as a standalone service). Putting that speculation aside, what’s important, in this moment, is that Stargirl exists, and it’s a surprisingly sweet and enjoyable, live-action treat.

A little history here might be helpful. Much of the initial talk about this show revolved around Joel McHale’s announced casting as Starman, and let’s just say that Joel’s take on the character has been retooled a bit from the comics. Without getting too nerd-detailed here, it’s enough to say that this Starman could be described as DC’s version of Captain America, and in the TV show, he’s a springboard for the rightful focuses of this series: Courtney Whitmore (Brec Bassinger) and her stepdad, Pat Dugan (Luke Wilson). He’s a grown-up, former sidekick (S.T.R.I.P.E.) of Starman, who has apparently long since given up the life. She’s a slightly resentful, pain-in-the-butt teenager at first, but she’s ultimately a good egg. And for whatever reason, she’s able to pick up Starman’s cosmic staff and assume the mantle of Stargirl, much to the concern of Pat, who knows what this thing can do.

That’s a little muddled if we’re talking about the tweaking of DC Comics canon, but as far as comic book TV/movie origin stories go, it’s pretty straightforward. There’s, of course, some mystery to be settled about why the cosmic staff chooses Courtney, which doesn’t entirely become clear in the three episodes screened for critics, but it’s nice to have a little ambiguity even though we can probably guess what happened. Yet the process of putting this character on TV follows a real-life origin story, for Courtney was born from a bittersweet inspiration. Let’s talk about that a little bit.

This show comes from creator Geoff Johns, who also created the Stargirl comic book series in 1999 as a tribute to his late sister, who perished in an airplane accident. Two decades later, the character’s on the small screen as Courtney, who unwillingly transplants to Nebraska after her mother (Amy Smart) marries Pat. Pat’s previous adventures are a secret to mom, but he’s in possession of Starman’s staff. And it’s a surprise to both Pat and Courtney when she can pick up the energy-shooting weapon, which McHale previously told us is kind-of like Thor’s hammer because only certain folks are worthy to hold it. Again, McHale actually doesn’t have a huge role in this series, but he makes the most of his screentime with his patented brand of sarcasm that rivals the likes of Deadpool.

The heart of this series, at least at the beginning, revolves around how “family” bonds don’t need to be tied to blood, as we see through Courtney’s blossoming relationship with Pat. He’s protective even as she bristles against him, although Courtney doesn’t have a tragic childhood history like other teens-turned-superheroes (Peter Parker/Spider-Man, Billy Batson/Shazam!). She’s simply a relatable teen who faces common fish-out-of-water obstacles. Wilson and his jawline, which are past the days of playing a frat boy or heartthrob, form a solid paternal presence, and Brec Bassinger (once Courtney gets past being angry about Nebraska) exudes a take-no-BS attitude. Courtney’s also inherently good, not only against supervillains but against all the a-holes that one runs into in high-school hallways. So, she’s able to accrue some karma-points for when Stargirl needs to do some recruiting to assemble a New Justice Society.

I don’t want to spoil the hows-and-whys of why Stargirl must form a fresh organization, but it’s enough to say that, as far as the CW’s Arrowverse connections go, Stargirl stands separate from that crowd, at least for now. This show’s special effects are also more sophisticated than what you’d see on The Flash and so on. And in Courtney’s new hometown, Blue Valley, there’s been the infiltration of city officials who have ties to a rogues gallery calling themselves the Injustice League. Courtney’s got a solid right-or-wrong barometer, so she’s not about to let this stand. It’s actually a very simple story that’s unmotivated by anything other than a good person who simply enjoys kicking evil people’s asses, and she’s thrilled that she can do it. That’s pretty refreshing in an era full of superhero nuance and overdone context, along with arguably sympathetic villains and antheroes. Sometimes you just wanna watch the bad guys — who are clearly bad guys — go down, right? Stargirl is here for you in that way.

Once one gets past all the history and adjustments that brought Stargirl to TV, this series is simply enjoyable (and un-stressful) to watch. The first few episodes put Courtney (and Pat, who rolls around town in a massive robot suit, and that’s not as corny as it sounds) up against their first adversary, Icicle (Jordan Mahkent), who’s created quite a cover story for himself in Nebraska. We get to see Courtney’s first f*ck-ups with the staff, and her gymnastics moves, and her slight imperfections that make her a believable, but not grating, teen presence. All of this points toward promise for this series, especially in a time when we could all use some unadulterated joy in our own lives.

Ultimately, Stargirl carries much of the same aura as Shazam!, only more wholesome and kid-viewer-friendly. She’s not nauseatingly bubbly, but her intentions are pure, and she doesn’t let injustice (especially after a frozen supervillain wants to kill people on a highway) happen unchecked. The show isn’t high art, of course, but it’s funny and optimistic and gadget-filled and a breeze to watch. As the season proceeds, we’ll see Courtney bring other young heroes into the fold, including the new Hourman (Lou Ferrigno Jr., who grew up with The Incredible Hulk at home, so it really is a new generation here) and new Wildcat (Yvette Monreal), to fully face off with the Injustice Society. The introductory episodes show a lot of promise, so, hopefully, it will continue to be a pleasure to watch this series unfold.

‘Stargirl’ will debut on the DC Universe streaming service on Monday, May 18, and then on Tuesday, May 19 on The CW.

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Six-time wrestling World Champion, four-time galaxy guardian, and pantsless vodka advocate Dave Bautista hasn’t been subtle about his opinions of the 45th President of the United States, from his tentative plan to leave the country if Donald Trump is re-elected to comments on how much he’d like to Batista Bomb him.

in his latest video, the WWE Hall of Famer threw shade at the [checks notes] fellow WWE Hall of Famer, imitating his irregular speech pattern to “thank” the President for his response to COVID-19, ask about tiger purchasing protocol, and beg for a job in the Space Force. You can watch the clip and read the transcript below.

“Hello Mr. President, Super Duper Dave Bautista here. Sorry I’m all sweaty, I just finished my morning workout, because I was inspired by you because I see what amazing shape you are, it’s really beautiful. I just want to say, you’re doing, you’re doing a great job, you’re doing a great job Mr. President. I know there’s almost 90,000 people dead, if it wasn’t for you it could’ve been like, uh, 8 trillion, so thank you. You’re doing an amazing job. You can ask anyone, anyone will tell you. You’re doing an amazing job, it’s really beautiful. It’s tremendous. Also, I can’t wait to read your Twitter today and hear you blame Obama for more stuff because he’s bad. He’s bad, you’re good, he’s bad. You can ask anyone. It’s beautiful, it’s beautiful, it’s really tremendous. And also I heard Don Jr. say you could get a tiger for like $2,000, and I just wanna know is one, where do I pick up my tiger, and B, can I borrow $2,000? Or I thought maybe, maybe if you have a job for me in Space Corps, because I know anything, I know a lot about Space Corps, probably more than anybody, I probably know more than anybody, about Space Corps. So anyway, thank you Mr. President, you’re doing a great job. Heil Trump, heil Trump.”

My biggest wish is that since WrestleMania ran this year without any fans, WWE would overcompensate for next year’s show, bring in as many celebrity guests as humanly possible, and find a way to get Trump and Batista in the same room. I want to see how far The Donald could walk inside that pit of danger.

The Umbrella Academy fans can finally celebrate the impending return of Netflix’s delightfully weird take on superheroes because Season 2 isn’t too terribly far in the distance. The successful TV show adapts the graphic novels by Gabriel Ba and My Chemical Romance’s Gerard Way, and the series is just strange enough to appeal in a mainstream way. So, the gang’s coming back for a second run after attempts to halt the apocalypse didn’t go exactly as planned.

Where the season finale left the Hargreeves siblings (all gifted orphans adopted by a billionaire who meant to launch a superhero league) was ambiguous at best. Yet we sure as heck know what’s going on right now for the show’s stars. They’re all in quarantine, along with most of us, so Netflix decided to announce a Season 2 release date (July 31) while virtually reassembling the principal cast members — Ellen Page, Tom Hopper, Robert Sheehan, David Castañeda, Emmy Raver-Lampman, Aidan Gallagher, and Justin Min — all dancing to “I Think We’re Alone Now” (Tiffany’s 1980s take on the 1960s Tommy James & the Shondells tune).

Viewers can only begin to guess to what extent reality is overlapping with the show’s characters in this video. One thing is certain: Robert Sheehan isn’t doing anything to discourage the theory that he’s Klaus-In-Real-Life. You gotta admire that commitment.

The Umbrella Academy returns on July 31.

If you saw ESPN’s entrancing docuseries, The Last Dance, you’re aware of the roadblocks that finally led to the breakup of the Bulls’ championship team prior to the lockout-shortened 1999 season; particularly if you saw the closing minutes of Sunday night’s finale. But we’ll recap quickly. Phil Jackson and GM Jerry Krause didn’t want to work together anymore. Scottie Pippen wanted out after years of feeling disrespected, and both Dennis Rodman and Michael Jordan retired. Though Rodman eventually came back that year to sign with the Lakers in late February after wrapping an action movie with Dane Cook — that sure was a sentence — Jordan would, of course, stay retired for three seasons. However, even if he had wanted to come back in 1999 he still would have missed most of the 50-game season due to a severed tendon in his finger.

Episode 10 offers clearer insight into owner Jerry Reinsdorf’s attempt to bring Jackson back for one more final season in 1999 with a flawed plan around appealing to and rebuilding around Jordan, while eschewing many of his running mates due to a belief that they were past their peak and about to demand expensive contracts that they wouldn’t live up to. To be honest, that turned out to be largely true, but Jordan’s assertion that all sides would have come back on one-year deals to go for number seven makes you wonder.

With the deck cleared, Krause had the chance to build another championship team without having to watch Jordan and Jackson receive the lion’s share of credit. At last, Jerry Krause could dance without judgment and mockery, but he should have been careful what he wished for as the Bulls endured a disastrous run from 1999 to 2003 under his watch, damned by impatience, bad choices, and bad luck. Could things have gone differently had the Bulls divorce from Jordan been less final? The conclusion of The Last Dance inspires a want to peer at what came next and what could have happened.

1999 And The Hard Restart

It’s important to note that Krause didn’t want the Bulls to suck following the Jordan era. He had even tried to soften the inevitable fall by exploring a franchise-altering Pippen trade with the Celtics ahead of the 1997 draft, but it reportedly got shut down by Jordan. Looking at the forgettable return the Bulls got for Pippen in a sign-and-trade with the Rockets a year later makes you wonder if Krause should have fought harder to pull the trigger on a deal that would have netted the team draft picks that could have been used to pick Chauncey Billups and Tracy McGrady. Assessing the contributions that would have come from those rookies and how they would have influenced the pursuit for the Bulls’ sixth title is a hard task. Maybe Michael Jordan doesn’t even stick around in that scenario. But the team doubtlessly would have been better off long term than they were once the actual rebuild got rolling in 1999.

Former Blazers guard Damon Stoudamire summed up the indifference to the post-Jordan Bulls perfectly at the time. “It’s cold as hell there, and they’re rebuilding […] Without Jordan, without Pippen, they’re a lottery team. That doesn’t have much appeal to me.” Mighty Mouse didn’t want to try and put on Superman’s cape, and he wasn’t alone. The Bulls had had some interest in trying to appeal to explosive two-way forward Antonio McDyess to be their next foundational superstar, but he quickly decided to limit his suitors to teams he thought could actually win a few games.

Remember, the insane two-week free agency period in 1999 didn’t allow for lengthy courtships and watchful waiting to see where other players would land. Everything went quickly, and so the Bulls wound up settling for scoring guard Brent Barry as their main prize and signing him to a not-insignificant 6 year/$27 million deal. Together, Kukoc, Ron Harper, and Barry would lead a dreadful Bulls team that wound up “winning” the #1 overall pick in the 1999 Draft. Not quite the same level of prize that the team had been used to, but a key win for Krause and the organizational/player development mindset.

Across his career, Krause’s biggest wins had come through the draft, pulling Pippen and Horace Grant in 1987, BJ Armstrong in 1989, and Kukoc as a draft-and-stash in 1990. Krause had reason to believe in himself as a talent evaluator and the Bulls absolutely hit in the 1999 NBA Draft.

There’s a case to be made thanks to hindsight that Baron Davis would have been a better long term fit or that Steve Francis might have been a more exciting and explosive option, but #1 pick Elton Brand profiled as a sturdy presence who could go for 20 and 10 (which he did across the first 10 seasons of his career, on average). With the 16th pick, the Bulls took Ron Artest (aka Metta World Peace), giving them a stellar wing defender with some offensive potential.

A Flawed Sales Pitch And Reboot 2.0

As quickly as Krause fell in love with players he also seemed to sour on them. Barry was shipped out after one season and Kukoc lasted just a season and a half without his Last Dance running mates before being flipped for draft capital. The 1999-2000 team was a weird mix of young players and old friends like BJ Armstrong and Will Perdue on return engagements from the Bulls’ first three-peat. Knicks pest John Starks even had a four-game cameo, coming over in the Kukoc trade. The result was another lost season.

The Bulls went all-in on the 2000 draft, hoping to add to Brand and Artest. And they did, pulling Jamal Crawford via trade. But they missed on most of their six picks. Marcus Fizer, who they took fourth in a weak draft, would have a few decent if unspectacular seasons with the Bulls but played his last NBA game at 27. (He’d play internationally for almost a decade after.)

By this point, the Bulls weren’t vastly improved, but they clearly felt like they had a better sales pitch to take to free agents. It was still cold. There was still no Jordan or Pippen, but they had some interesting young prospects that they could theoretically build around. And it was almost enough, with All-Star guard Eddie Jones nearly accepting a deal to play for the Bulls and help supercharge the rebuild before instead going home to Florida to play for the Heat. Tracy McGrady was also someone that the Bulls unsuccessfully courted with the then 21-year-old choosing to instead sign with the Magic (where he became an elite scorer) due, in part, to what he perceived as people in his camp trying to steer him to Chicago for their own benefit.

Krause dismissed the Jones and McGrady rejections as having to do with geography in 2001, but he also clearly felt like the Bulls needed a rebrand to enhance their appeal, departing from the slow and steady track to something a little more flashy. Ahead of the 2001 draft, Krause sent Brand to the Clippers for the draft rights to high school big man Tyson Chandler so he could team with big-bodied high school post player Eddy Curry, the Bulls’ fourth pick. Unfortunately, the strategy didn’t quite work out. For the Bulls, at least. To be fair, while both players never lived up to the hype (early comps were insane, with some hurling out names like Kevin Garnett and Shaq), both had long careers and Chandler, in particular, stood out for a time as a dominant defender.

Krause’s final lottery pick could have redeemed his post-Jordan years battle plan. Jay Williams, selected with the second pick out of Duke in the 2002 draft had a solid enough rookie season, showing some promise after running through the NCAA. Who knows how far he could have gone if not for a tragic motorcycle accident that scuttled his NBA career in June of 2003, two months after Krause had stepped away from his position atop the Bulls’ organizational hierarchy citing health concerns.

Former Bulls guard and original three-peat stand-out John Paxson replaced Krause, inheriting a team that seemed as though it was stocked with interesting young talents and led by a late-prime Jalen Rose (who Krause had acquired by trading away Artest and promising young big Brad Miller — who would both blossom outside of Chicago). But the Bulls didn’t really show signs of life until the 2004-2005 season thanks, in large part, to players Paxson had drafted and developed like Kirk Hinrich, Ben Gordon, and Luol Deng. 15 years later and its Paxson who is stepping away to let Arturas Karnisovas takeover the Bulls following a mixed run with some good but not great teams and an incomplete (and sputtering) rebuild.

What If?

There was some chatter when Jordan retired the second time following the Bulls’ sixth title about why he hadn’t been given some kind of stake in the team that he had turned into a global brand. At the January 2000 press conference announcing his role as part-owner and executive for the Washington Wizards (despite a previously rocky relationship with owner Abe Pollin), Jordan kept it somewhat diplomatic, saying he wasn’t looking for that kind of role at the time but that he hadn’t exactly been quiet about his more recent pursuits while hearing nothing from Reinsdorf.

We can speculate all day on why an offer never came. Maybe Reinsdorf thought Krause and Jordan could never coexist and favored Krause’s track record in that role over Jordan’s raw acumen. Or maybe he didn’t want to invite someone into the tent who would be too hard to control, override, and get rid of if he failed due to his overwhelming popularity as a God in Chicago.

Let’s imagine that an offer did come, reuniting Jordan and the Bulls and let’s even suggest that Krause, like Wes Unseld in Washington, would have found a way to work with and under Jordan. In this scenario, Michael rejoins the Bulls in January of 2000 and resumes his career as a player in September of 2001 with rumors about a return starting up in May of that year — as they did with his Wizards career.

Think about the impact Jordan the executive’s presence could have had on that year 2000 free agency shutout that the Bulls endured. Is Tracy McGrady choosing the Magic over the Bulls if Michael Jordan is across from him at the negotiating table telling him he can be his heir apparent? What about Eddie Jones, who Krause said called him in tears over his last-minute switch to the Heat? Remember, Jones was one of the first Jordan brand ambassadors in 1997. No way that wouldn’t have been a factor. With Jones and maybe McGrady, the Bulls are an entirely different team in 2000 and beyond. There’s no need to trade Brand when he’s a part of a core on a likely playoff team. And perhaps conflicts that led to Artest’s exit don’t arise under a Jordan regime, allowing him to bloom with the Bulls.

There are countless other questions: does Toni Kukoc get traded if Jordan is in place? Does Eddy Curry get drafted if Elton Brand is still on the roster? Would Jordan quickly dispatch of Phil Jackson’s replacement, Tim Floyd, to install Doug Collins, Jackson’s predecessor with the Bulls and the man he handpicked to lead the Wizards bench for his actual 2001 comeback? Would twilight veterans like Patrick Ewing or Mitch Richmond have taken the minimum to ring chase with the Bulls rather than close their careers with the Magic and Lakers respectively? You can thought experiment the 2001 Bulls to some pretty high heights by adding Jordan into the mix. Especially on the floor.

We know, of course, that Jordan wasn’t the same when he made his second comeback. Some of the quickness had left him and his shooting percentage was among the worst of his career while his field goals per game were way up (4th most in his career). Again, three seasons had passed, but Wizard fans still got a show, with a 38-year-old who averaged 5 boards, 5 assists, and almost 23 points a night, going off for 40-or-more points five times and 30-or-more points 16 times in 60 games. If not for a torn meniscus that slowed and then stopped him, Jordan might have willed a mostly barren Wizards team to the playoffs. Then he came back the next year, played all 82 games, and averaged a hair over 20 points a night while tightening up his shooting percentage. With a more talented roster, it’s likely the shape of those final two Jordan seasons may have changed some, but he clearly still had the ability to contribute every night and turn it on when he had to — something to consider with a team that would have had a better chance at making some noise in the playoffs.

Let’s take Jordan’s knee busting collision with Wizards rookie Etan Thomas out of the equation and assume the 2001-2002 Bulls would have had a fully healthy Jordan all season. Now ask yourself: would that Bulls team with a rotation of Jordan, Tracy McGrady, Eddie Jones, Elton Brand, Ron Artest, Jamal Crawford, Eddy Curry, Toni Kukoc, and Marcus Fizer (who was 2nd team All-Rookie the year before, let us not forget) not be the deepest, most athletic roster in Bulls’ history? You can swap Curry for Jason Richardson, Shane Battier, or anyone else taken in the 2001 lottery. Take Artest out and put Jalen Rose in. Regardless, with that much talent, would the Bulls have not overtaken the Nets and Celtics of that time to challenge the Phil Jackson coached Kobe/Shaq Lakers in what would have been an epic and ultra compelling NBA Finals slugfest?

The last dance might not have been the last dance after all under that scenario, giving Jordan a potential seventh (and eighth?) ring and further influencing the GOAT conversation (imagine MJ taking a ring off Kobe). In a cruel twist, that triumph would have also reinforced Jerry Krause’s legacy as a championship team builder (remember, he either drafted, signed, or courted all of the above-referenced talent) while tying him, forevermore, to Michael Jordan. It’s the kind of story that would have been worth its own stunning docuseries on how it shook up and impacted the NBA, but unfortunately, the reality is a lot less fantastic. Especially for Bulls fans who are still waiting for the next Michael Jordan… or, at least, the next Jerry Krause.

If you were wondering where Gucci Mane has been all this year you wouldn’t be alone or remiss. The prolific Atlanta trap pioneer was the original rapper from the Big Peach to put out way too much music to keep track of, with successors like Futue, Migos, and Young Thug picking up that torch in recent years, despite Gucci himself never really putting it down himself. Yet, in 2020, he’s been relatively quiet; the last mixtape he dropped was the Christmas project East Atlanta Santa 3 and he hasn’t dropped a single or even a feature verse yet this year.

That may change soon, if his recent social media posts are any indication. He recently posted a behind-the-scenes teaser of what looks like a video shoot with none other than 21 Savage, another Atlanta trap star who has been MIA for much of 2020. The two stand in front of a camouflage-painted truck with a squad of supporters and pretty women bopping along in the truck’s bed while a classic-sounding Gucci verse blares over a sound system. There’s no telling what the song might be or where it might end up — Savage has been working on a follow up to his Savage Mode mixtape series, while Gucci himself is past due for a new release, given his self-enforced semi-annual release schedule — but it’s equally likely to end up on a project from either. No matter when or where it comes out, it will likely receive a warm welcome, if for no other reason than it means two of Atlanta’s favorite stars are back in the game after extended absences.

Watch Gucci Mane’s preview of his new video with 21 Savage above.

Gucci Mane is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

The ‘Billions’ Stock Watch is a weekly accounting of the action on the Showtime drama. Decisions will be made based on speculation and occasional misinformation and mysterious whims that are never fully explained to the general public. Kind of like the real stock market.

STOCK DOWN — Fathering, generally

Just a rough week for the general concept of fatherhood. Lots of decent intentions. I’m sure everyone involved would push back on my characterization of their methods. But still. Not great. We can start right at the top with Axe, who dropped everything to hop on his plane and fly to Gordon’s school after Gordon got in trouble for nuking an entire town’s power doing crypto things (good), but then proceeded to go all Axe and extort the headmaster in front of Gordon to keep his little hellchild enrolled at the school (bad), and then pushed even harder to demand an assembly be called where he could swear at the children and tell them all to be ruthless capitalists like him (worse). You can tell Gordon is going to grow up to be a monster because he was proud of his dad during the speech, instead of feeling how you’re supposed to feel as a teenager when one of your parents speaks in front of your whole school, which is deeply, hopelessly embarrassed. Kid is learning all the wrong lessons, fast. I hope some bully shoves him in a locker and the bully’s dad shoves Axe in a metaphorical locker. Lara is the only good Axelrod. I miss her.

Elsewhere, Wags is trying to connect with the many children he has scattered across America (good), but only because he wants to be like Axe (bad). And Chuck wants his kids to meet their new kind-of aunt (good), but only to grease the wheels for Senior’s donation to Yale and therefore his fancy teaching gig (bad). An argument could be made that the best display of fathering all episode was Senior holding his new baby. When Senior is the best dad in an episode, things have gone very sideways.

STOCK UP — Gordie’s accomplice

Smart kid with a smart mouth. Already offered a tentative job at Axe Cap. We like her.

STOCK DOWN — MaseCap

Really not a great start to this season for whatever remains of Taylor’s firm. Taylor is making moves but half-assing them in ways that Taylor usually does not, and is still neck-deep in Chuck stuff that will come home to roost sooner or later. Probably sooner. Hammon got fed up with it all and with her uncertain/dwindling role and she marched out to go find a new job doing whatever exactly it is that Hammon does. Lauren got yoinked into Axe’s world by Wendy and now has one foot in each camp, which, as we’ve learned over the run of this show, means Axe will end up employing her himself or ruining her completely, because Axe does not share.

STOCK UP — Having a worthy adversary

Mike Prince was on-screen for all of about 90 seconds and in that time he:

• Swooped into a gallery to buy three paintings Axe liked before Axe even had a chance to look at them
• Sent Axe into a hilarious competitive tailspin that resulted in him buying a studio for the artist and commissioning his next eight paintings, which I suddenly very much hope are just like stick figures drawings of a socialist utopia
• Continued to be the only person who has Axe’s number

I know this will end poorly for him. It has to. The arc of the show demands it: Axe tries something, someone gets in Axe’s way, Axe crushes them. But… I don’t want it to happen. I want Mike Prince to stick around forever and outfox Axe and make him go absolutely insane. I want to see Axe in a dark room just mumbling to himself for hours as his empire crumbles. I don’t know exactly when I started despising Axe to this degree, but we’re here. I’m going to be so sad when Axe’s guys find out Prince, like, fuels a factory with puppy blood or something. But I’ll take the wins where I can get them.

STOCK UP — Kate Sacker

Increasingly the most competent character on the show, in addition to being the only one worth rooting for. I could watch her slice powerful dudes in half with her eyes all day long. All I ask for out of this show is that the series finale close with her in the White House and every other character on the show in prison. Except for Ben Kim. Ben Kim is cool, too. Let’s say he makes some killer trades and cashes out and buys the Mets. Whatever makes him happiest is fine with me.

STOCK DOWN — Chuck, as it relates to this exchange, specifically

Sheeeeeesh.

This is the second time in as many episodes that Wendy has cut Chuck down mid-thigh with a sickle when he was trying to be semi-civil. I love it. I hope she gets progressively meaner each episode. I hope Chuck brings her a birthday cake and she spits on it and throws it in a toilet. He’d probably get all turned on by it. Maybe that’s how they get back together.

STOCK UP — Hard Bob

Big, big fan of Hard Bob. Also a big fan of Danny Strong returning as smarmy weasel Treasury Secretary Todd Krakow, who always looks like he’s about to suggest leveling an orphanage to build a warehouse that stores only his collection of scarves and overcoats, but mostly a fan of Hard Bob. Add him to the list of characters I would happily watch an entire episode about. A mini-prequel about how a young boy named Bobby became a weathered old man named Hard Bob, raising his hand in class and asking if he can speak freely and then making a series of demands and threats to his teachers.

Hard Bob rules.

STOCK UP — Pizza, always

Axe sealed the deal with the artist over a dinner of fancy pizza. Fancy pizza is great. So is regular pizza. All pizza is usually at least good. Even bad pizza is fine. Pizza is truly one of the best foods we have, top three easily. Who doesn’t like pizza? Even people who are allergic to important ingredients in pizza — gluten, cheese, etc. — will do the math in their head and determine the consequences are worth it sometimes. That’s the sign of a really good food, when someone is willing to accept extended periods of misery for the brief moments of joy they get while eating it. I’m going to stop typing here only because I’ve gone on my pizza rant many times and if I don’t stop soon I’ll just keep going until I order some for dinner. Dinner is so many hours away. It’s not a sustainable situation.

Prior to Sunday night’s finale of The Last Dance, Ahmad Rashad got together with 20+ NBA legends on a video call on the NBA’s social channels for an “Inside Stuff 90’s Reunion.” The call went as smoothly as one would expect with that many people, as every time someone new entered the room everything went off the rails as they all excitedly greeted each other once again.

While it wasn’t the ideal format for telling stories or for Rashad to get actual interview questions in, it was highly entertaining just to watch that many Hall of Famers interacting and talking amongst themselves as old friends do. After about 30 minutes of everyone talking over each other, things did start to fall into a groove with the assistance of Charles Barkley of all people getting things on track despite the best efforts of Shaq — who was smoking hookah for much of the proceedings after beginning the call from the bathroom.

Barkley joked about how some of them, like he, Dominique Wilkins, Mitch Richmond, and others didn’t have other Hall of Famers to play with during their careers and were jealous of folks like Karl Malone and John Stockton. He then prompted everyone to recall the one player they had been teammates with that they had been sure was going to be a star whenever they “got it,” but never did. It was the first question everyone genuinely answered and discussed, and the funniest of them was Karl Malone telling the story of how Shaq punked a young Greg Ostertag and literally slapped him so hard his contact fell out after Ostertag talked too much as a rookie.

Karl Malone tells the story of when Shaquille O’Neal “f**ked up Greg Ostertag for the rest of his life”. pic.twitter.com/D0xdtb0Kmy

— Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) May 18, 2020

Shaq, of course, was delighted by Malone’s recollection of this story, and you could still hear the disappointment in Malone’s voice that Ostertag never went back at Shaq that night, despite the Mailman’s promise to pay whatever fine he got. It’s quite the story and also offers a bit of NBA trivia as to why the league changed the rule as to keeping teams from being on the court at the same time for shootaround. While it was an interesting segment and discussion of players that never lived up to their full potential, Ostertag and the others surely weren’t exactly thrilled that’s how their names came up on this call.

Over the weekend, the filmmaking community was shocked to learn about the death of Lynn Shelton, who passed away as a result of a previously unidentified blood disorder. Shelton, who directed indies Your Sister’s Sister and Sword of Trust, as well as episodes of many of your favorite shows, including Mad Men, GLOW, and Master of None, was in a relationship with Marc Maron, who dedicated Monday’s WTF podcast to her memory.

“She was my partner. She was my girlfriend. She was my friend. And I loved her. A lot. And she loved me, and I knew that,” Maron said at the beginning of the episode, which includes a re-upload of his 2015 interview with the do-it-all filmmaker (they had been dating for over a year after working together on Maron, as well as GLOW). “I don’t know that I had ever felt what I felt with her before. I do know, actually. I did not. I have not. I was getting used to love in the way of being able to accept it and show it properly in an intimate relationship. I was so comfortable with this person, with Lynn Shelton.” He added, “No one’s got anything bad to say about Lynn Shelton, that’s for fucking sure.”

It’s a tough listen (the wounds are still fresh for Maron, obviously), but a lovely tribute.