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I’ll tell you what the problem is…

Ryan Gosling is quite simply too talented and handsome to also be such a charming lil goofball. That’s too many things. You should only be allowed to be two of those things at once. Like, if you want to be charming and talented, that’s fine, but you can’t look like a chiseled god. Or if you want to be beautiful and talented, that’s also fine, but you should have the personality of a dishrag. And you can be a handsome goof, too, but then you can’t be generationally good at your profession or hobby, which will be fine because you can skate by pretty well in life on those other two things anyway. But you can’t be all three. That’s not fair.

It’s a problem that’s been brewing for a long time, too, this Gosling business. You’ve seen him on SNL and as a guest on talk shows. And you (hopefully) saw him in The Nice Guys, a wonderful little action-comedy where he and Russell Crowe got to be silly detectives in the 1970s for a few hours. That was the thing that started teetering me over the edge. He was so good in that. The guy from The Notebook. It was somehow both delightful and upsetting. And petty of me. Which was also upsetting. This was becoming a real problem.

All of which brings us to the 2024 Oscars, where he showed up looking like he stepped out of a cologne commercial and was nominated for Best Supporting Actor for his role as Ken in Barbie and then proceeded to put on probably the greatest musical performance the show has seen in its almost century of existence.

Dammit.

Goddammit.

Ryan.

Look how fully he commits straight through. Look at Margot Robbie giggling and him punching pink boards and basically doing “What if ‘Material Girl’ by Madonna but self-aware dudes?” That shouldn’t work. It shouldn’t! Imagine explaining any of it to a version of yourself from like two years ago. “So, yeah, there’s gonna be a movie about Barbie that gets nominated for a bunch of Oscars and then at the ceremony Ryan Gosling will show up in a pink suit and perform a song in character as Ken and the whole thing will blow the roof off the place.” That should’ve been weird. And maybe corny. But definitely not the highlight of the entire night. You would be so confused. It might actually all somehow be more confusing to the old version of you than the thing where you time-traveled from the future just to share this information.

Look how happy it made Martin Scorsese.

I mean, honestly.

Ryan.

Let everyone else have, like, one thing.

This is getting ridiculous.

I mean, I guess he didn’t actually win the Oscar he was nominated for. Robert Downey, Jr. won that one.

Which helps.

A little.

Even though I did want him to win it.

It’s very conflicting.

But still.

He really is such a goofball, though. I’m trying to write this article and be pretend mad about it all but I just stopped to watch the performance again and I can’t stop giggling. It’s crazy. The man is a heartthrob and a star and just a silly goose. He had dinner with Sylvester Stallone a while back and straight-up would not stop talking about Rambo. We know this because Stallone talked about it on television. Here, look.

“He goes, ‘I was fascinated by Rambo and I used to go to school dressed as Rambo and people would chase me away and I still didn’t stop,’ vacation as Rambo, he just kept saying that he had a lot of affiliation with Rambo,” Stallone recalled. “And I thought, you know, this is interesting. If I ever pass the baton, I’ll pass it on to him because he loves the character.”

When pressed about Gosling taking over the role, Stallone replied, “I would say yes but I don’t know if anyone would say, ‘Hey, he’s too good-looking to be Rambo.’”

Madness.

But also…

Now I really want to see Ryan Gosling play Rambo. Think about the range here. Think about singing a musical number at the Oscars in a pink suit and then also playing Rambo. That shouldn’t work, either! I should be rolling my eyes right now! But instead I want it!

Dammit.

Goddammit.

Goddammit, Ryan Gosling.

I need to see footage of you being bad at something. I don’t care what. Duck-hook a four-iron into the woods. Go fail the bar exam. Something. Anything.

But then please make a Nice Guys sequel.

But also knock it off.

Please.

Thank you.

RYAN.

You know how sometimes, when you’re scrolling the internet and you see an absurd headline, you go “there is no way this is what I think it is,” and then you click on it, and you read whatever the piece is, and it turns out your initial hunch was correct? That a headline was written in such a way that it is specifically designed to make a person look bad, when really, the context isn’t nearly as bad as you might think?

Well guess what, folks: This is not one of those times. The fine folks over at FanSided posted a clip to TikTok in which they asked a whole bunch of folks from the world of football a very simple question: “What’s the most realistic sports movie of all time and why?” Remember the Titans popped up a few times, as did Friday Night Lights. But Jerry Jones, for some reason, decided to go with Field of Dreams, which you probably guessed from the headline, but I swear to God, I am not lying. Here is the visual proof.

Fortunately, I do not have to explain the plot to Field of Dreams because John Mulaney did that at the Oscars on Sunday night, but it is a movie that involves ghosts in a cornfield playing baseball. It is an outstanding movie, don’t get me wrong, but outside of the owner of the Dallas Cowboys, I do not think I have ever seen someone refer to it as realistic. Anyway, if we can get this across the desk of Stephen A. Smith immediately so he can react to it, I would really appreciate it.

More than six years have passed since Man Of The Woods was released. In late January, Justin Timberlake technically ended the drought with “Selfish,” the lead single from his forthcoming album, Everything I Thought It Was, and the Timberlake album drought will cease soon as well.

Below, find everything you need to know about Timberlake’s Everything I Thought It Was rollout this far.

Justin Timberlake’s Everything I Thought It Was Release Date

Everything I Thought It Was is out March 15 via RCA Records. Find more information here.

Justin Timberlake’s Everything I Thought It Was Tracklist

Spotify revealed the full EITIW tracklist on March 4, as seen below.

1. “Memphis”
2. “F**kin’ Up The Disco”
3. “No Angels”
4. “Play”
5. “Technicolor”
6. “Droown”
7. “Liar” Feat. Fireboy DML
8. “Infinity Sex”
9. “Love & War”
10. “Sanctified” Feat. Tobe Nwigwe
11. “My Favorite Drug”
12. “Flame”
13. “Imagination”
14. “What Lovers Do”
15. “Selfish”
16. “Alone”
17. “Paradise” Feat. *NSYNC
18. “Conditions”

Justin Timberlake’s Everything I Thought It Was Singles

“Selfish” was the first single to drop. Shortly thereafter, Timberlake debuted “Sanctified” featuring Tobe Nwigwe with a performance on SNL on January 27. Most recently, “Drown” was released on February 23.

Justin Timberlake’s Everything I Thought It Was Features

As you can see above, Fireboy DML, *NSYNC, and Nwigwe are the featured artists.

Justin Timberlake’s Everything I Thought It Was Album Cover Artwork

Justin Timberlake’s Upcoming Tour Dates

Timberlake announced his The Forget Tomorrow World Tour in late January and added more dates in early February. See all of Timberlake’s upcoming tour dates here.

On Sunday, Kate, The Princess of Wales, issued a truly bizarre statement that’s only fueled growing conspiracies surrounding her health and the state of her marriage to Prince William.

After the Associated Press sent out a recall order for a family photo Princess Kate shared to celebrate Mother’s Day in the U.K., the queen-to-be admitted to playing around with Photoshop before releasing the image to the press. “Like many amateur photographers, I do occasionally experiment with editing,” she wrote. “I wanted to express my apologies for any confusion the family photograph we shared yesterday caused.”

The family photo featuring her three children with the heir to the throne, George, Charlotte, and Louis marked the first official glimpse of the Princess since her abdominal surgery last year — a procedure that’s taken her months to recover from. Soon after releasing the photo to various news agencies, the AP issued a “kill order,” stating that its editors found discrepancies that suggested the family portrait had been doctored. According to the AP, the image showed “an inconsistency in the alignment of Princess Charlotte’s left hand,” and had therefore been manipulated in a way that “does not meet AP’s photo standards.”

The photo was taken by Prince William at the family’s home in Windsor and released to agencies under the condition that it should not be altered before being published, but Kensington Palace failed to notify the press of the princess’ edits. After refusing to clarify the reason for her alterations — social media users have pointed out the odd positioning of Prince Louis’s hands and some strange alignment issues with Kate’s clothing — and failing to provide an unedited option, the AP pulled its photo and alerted other agencies.

While the Princess is known for her love of photography and has even provided images of her family to the press in the past, this misstep is worrying for fans and supporters wondering why the status of Kate’s health has been kept under wraps.

(Via The New York Times, Associated Press)

Kacey Musgraves teased Deeper Well during the 2024 Grammys, and she has packed as much album promo as possible into the past month — from serving as the musical guest on SNL to making time for a surprise appearance at Zach Bryan’s The Quittin Time Tour to perform their No. 1 duet, “I Remember Everything.”

Catch up on everything to know about Musgraves’ Deeper Well below.

Release Date

Four days after the 2024 Grammys, Musgraves officially announced Deeper Well by dropping the title track, cover art, release date, and tracklist. The album will arrive this Friday, March 15, via Interscope/MCA Nashville. Find more information here.

Tracklist

1. “Cardinal”
2. “Deeper Well”
3. “Too Good To Be True”
4. “Moving Out”
5. “Giver / Taker”
6. “Sway”
7. “Dinner With Friends”
8. “Heart Of The Woods”
9. “Jade Green”
10. “The Architect”
11. “Lonely Millionaire”
12. “Heaven Is”
13. “Anime Eyes”
14. “Nothing To Be Scared Of”

Singles

Musgraves followed “Deeper Well” with “Too Good To Be True” on February 29. The seven-time Grammy winner performed both ballads on SNL on March 2.

Features

As of this writing, Musgraves’ released tracklist does not include any features.

Artwork

Tour

Musgraves simultaneously announced her Deeper Well World Tour and released “Too Good To Be True” on February 29. The dates and tour poster are below.

04/28 — Dublin, IE @ 3Olympia Theatre +
05/01 — Amsterdam, NL @ Paradiso +
05/03 — Brussels, BE@ Ancienne Belgique +
05/05 — Cologne, DE @ Carlswerk Victoria +
05/06 — Hamburg, DE @ DOCKS +
05/09 — Glasgow, UK @ 02 Academy Glasgow +
05/11 — Manchester, UK @ 02 Apollo Manchester +
05/13 — Wolverhampton, UK @ The Civic at The Halls +
05/14 — London, UK @ Roundhouse +
09/04 — State College, PA @ Bryce Jordan Center *
09/06 — Boston, MA @ TD Garden *
09/07 — Boston, MA @ TD Garden *
09/09 — Newark, NJ @ Prudential Center *
09/11 — Grand Rapids, MI @ Van Andel Arena *
09/12 — Rosemont, IL @ Allstate Arena *
09/15 — Greenwood Village, CO @ Fiddler’s Green Amphitheatre *
09/19 — Vancouver, BC @ Rogers Arena *
09/20 — Seattle, WA @ Climate Pledge Arena *
09/23 — Sacramento, CA @ Golden 1 Center *
09/24 — San Francisco, CA @ Chase Center *
09/27 — Glendale, AZ @ Desert Diamond Arena *
09/28 — Las Vegas, NV @ T-Mobile Arena *
10/01 — San Diego, CA @ Pechanga Arena San Diego *
10/03 — Inglewood, CA @ Kia Forum *
10/04 — Inglewood, CA @ Kia Forum *
11/06 — Laval, QC @ Place Bell #
11/07 — Toronto, ON @ Scotiabank Arena #
11/09 — Baltimore, MD @ CFG Bank Arena #
11/10 — Pittsburgh, PA @ PPG Paints Arena #
11/12 — Louisville, KY @ KFC Yum! Center #
11/13 — Columbus, OH @ Schottenstein Center #
11/15 — Brooklyn, NY @ Barclays Center #
11/16 — Brooklyn, NY @ Barclays Center #
11/21 — Houston, TX @ Toyota Center #
11/22 — Dallas, TX @ American Airlines Center #
11/23 — Dallas, TX @ American Airlines Center #
11/26 — Austin, TX @ Moody Center #
11/27 — Austin, TX @ Moody Center #
11/29 — Tampa, FL @ Amalie Arena #
11/30 — Hollywood, FL @ Hard Rock Live at Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Hollywood #
12/02 — Orlando, FL @ Kia Center #
12/05 — Charlotte, NC @ Spectrum Center #
12/06 — Nashville, TN @ Bridgestone Arena #
12/07 — Nashville, TN @ Bridgestone Arena #

+ with Madi Diaz
* with Father John Misty and Nickel Creek
# with Lord Huron and Nickel Creek

March 8 has come and gone, and surprising literally no one, Kanye West and Ty Dolla Sign’s second part of Vultures is nowhere to be found. According to a Kanye fan account on Twitter, YeFantatics, he seems to be looking into a pure direct-to-consumer sales approach, keeping the album off of streaming entirely and just seeling it through his website Yeezy.com.

“Like James Blake said streaming devalues our music,” he insisted, according to a tweet from YeFanatics, relaying a private conversation on Instagram. We sell albums on Yeezy.com. I got 20 million instagram followers. When 5% of my followers buy an album [t]hat’s 1 million albums sold[.] That’s 300k more than the biggest album last year. We sold 1 million items on Yeezy.com on Super Bowl Sunday so we know it’s possible. How do you feel about us not streaming and only selling the album digitally[?]”

Truth be told, it’s not a bad idea. More and more artists have been enjoying the freedom and ownership that comes from alternative distribution methods, with platforms like Even allowing fans to more directly support artists without go-betweens like Spotify taking a big cut and paying out the artists pennies on the dollar.

However, let’s be honest; Kanye is probably only “debating” this avenue because it’s the only one open to him at this point. While he previously told YeFanatics the album was delayed because he and Ty are “in the lab” (and it wouldn’t be the first time he’s overshot deadlines over last-minute tweaks to his projects), there’s another possible reason. After all, Vultures 1 was a streaming beast and even some money is better than no money for a project that isn’t out yet.

When he decided to sneak his album out via a connection at FUGA, it doesn’t seem that he considered that the distributor wouldn’t be happy about it and would inevitably plug the leak. Making it a three-part release then burning his backdoor to release only the first part of it was poor strategy on his part — but then, you can’t really expect solid long-term planning from a guy who torched a billion dollars in endorsement deals to prove a point.

At least there’s always the Stem Player… right?

Ty Dolla Sign is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

After becoming the Republican candidate for governor thanks to winning North Carolina’s Super Tuesday primary, Mark Robinson has been a field day for late night comedians and political pundits thanks to a well-documented history of incendiary remarks. John Oliver did not miss out on that feast.

During Sunday’s episode of Last Week Tonight, Oliver went long on Robinson’s rise to MAGA stardom, which included an endorsement from Donald Trump who called the controversial politician “Martin Luther King on steroids.” Later, Trump would call Robinson “Martin Luther King times two” and note that the North Carolina candidate should “like” that comparison.

“Do you know how racist you have to be to give a Black person a compliment that starts by quantifying their human value, and then ends with a demand?” Oliver quipped. “It’s a lot.”

Here’s the thing though: Robinson is not a fan of MLK, which is just one in a sea of many controversial stances he’s expressed over the years. According to Robinson, the civil rights movement was bad, actually, because it caused the loss of freedom and went against the values of free market capitalism.

Via The Daily Beast:

“That’s genuinely shocking. Not so much that someone is making controversial, inaccurate claims about the civil rights movement on a podcast, but that it’s happening without Joe Rogan occasionally popping in to say ‘That’s wild, bro’ before pivoting to an ad for a protein supplement that promises to make your dick veinier,” Oliver said.

Robinson’s position that the sit-in protests at a Greensboro lunch counter in 1960 were counterproductive to free-market capitalism “is not just the argument of an asshole, but an asshole on steroids,” Oliver said. “An asshole times two.”

Oliver also went to town on Robinson calling women murderers for having abortions and dug up some of the politician’s antisemitic rants on Facebook. To the surprise of no one, Robinson is big into denying the Holocaust. However, the candidate has attempted to downplay his rhetoric by calling it “poorly worded.”

“I think the main issue there was his flagrant antisemitism being worded at all,” Oliver said. “This guy clearly isn’t Martin Luther King on steroids. If anything, he’s much more like your sh*ttiest uncle on Ambien.”

(Via The Daily Beast)

Offset’s appropriately titled Set It Off Tour is officially underway after last night’s kickoff show at The Fillmore Philadelphia. In addition to performing songs from his new album, Offset also peppered in tracks from his various guest appearances throughout the years, a few Migos classics, and his 2017 joint album with 21 Savage and Metro Boomin, Without Warning. You can see the full setlist below, courtesy of setlist.fm.

Offset’s Set It Off Tour Setlist

“Fan”
“On The River”
“Say My Grace”
“Broad Day”
“Big Dawg”
“Danger (Spider)”
“Ghostface Killers”
“Rap Saved Me”
“Legacy”
“No Complaints”
“Cancer Stick No Pressure” (Young Nudy cover)
“Step 1” (SleazyWorld Go feat. Offset cover) (with SleazyWorld Go)
“Patek Water” (Future & Young Thug feat. Offset cover)
“100 Racks”
“Monday”
“Hop Out The Van”
“Skyami” (with Mango Foo)
“Don’t You Lie”
“Princess Cut”
“Zeze” (Kodak Black cover)
“Taste” (Tyga cover)
“Worth It”
“Fight Night” (Migos song) (Tribute)
“Feel The Fiyaaaah” (Metro Boomin & A$AP Rocky feat. Takeoff cover) (Tribute)
“Last Memory” (Takeoff cover) (Tribute)
“Carnival” (Kanye West & Ty Dolla $ign cover) (with Rich the Kid)
“New Freezer” (Rich the Kid cover) (with Rich the Kid)
“Plug Walk” (Rich the Kid cover) (with Rich the Kid)
“MotorSport” (Migos song)
“Narcos” (Migos song)
“Clout”
“Ric Flair Drip”
“Bad And Boujee”

Offset’s Set It Off Tour Dates

03/12 — Silver Spring, MD @ The Fillmore Silver Spring
03/14 — New York, NY @ Palladium Times Square
03/15 — Boston, MA @ Citizens House of Blues Boston
03/17 — Toronto, ON @ HISTORY
03/19 — Detroit, MI @ The Fillmore Detroit
03/20 — Grand Rapids, MI @ GLC Live at 20 Monroe
03/22 — Cincinnati, OH @ Bogart’s
03/23 — Chicago, IL @ Byline Bank Aragon Ballroom
03/27 — Denver, CO @ Fillmore Auditorium
03/29 — Los Angeles, CA @ Hollywood Palladium
03/30 — San Francisco, CA @ The Masonic
04/01 — Anaheim, CA @ House of Blues Anaheim
04/03 — Phoenix, AZ @ The Van Buren
04/05 — Dallas, TX @ South Side Ballroom
04/07 — Houston, TX @ Bayou Music Center
04/10 — Atlanta, GA @ Coca-Cola Roxy

Keeping up with new music can be exhausting, even impossible. From the weekly album releases to standalone singles dropping on a daily basis, the amount of music is so vast it’s easy for something to slip through the cracks. Even following along with the Uproxx recommendations on a daily basis can be a lot to ask, so every Monday we’re offering up this rundown of the best new music this week.

This week saw Ariana Grande’s big return and Drake give a valuable co-sign to an up-and-comer. Yeah, it was a great week for new music. Check out the highlights below.

For more music recommendations, check out our Listen To This section, as well as our Indie Mixtape and Pop Life newsletters.

Ariana Grande — “We Can’t Be Friends (Wait For Your Love)”

Throughout the lead-up to Eternal Sunshine, Ariana Grande didn’t shy away from the fact that the album is very much inspired by the classic Jim Carrey movie Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. For those who didn’t get the memo, though, she essentially re-created a Sparknotes version of the film in her new video for “We Can’t Be Friends (Wait For Your Love).”

4Batz — “Act II: Date (Remix)” Feat. Drake

4Batz‘s “Act II: Date @ 8” has become a viral hit, so much so that Drake decided to bless the track and feature on a new remix. The original sees 4Batz describe his courtship attempts, a theme that Drake builds off of on his new verse.

Conan Gray — “Alley Rose”

Gray has mastered the sound of the ’80s on the songs he’s shared so far from the upcoming album Found Heaven. The same is true on last week’s “Alley Rose,” although it’s less poppy banger and more melodramatic power ballad this time around.

Lola Brooke — “Bend It Ova” Feat. A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie and Big Freedia

Lola Brooke dropped her debut album Dennis Daughter at the tail end of 2023, and she’s keeping it going here in the new year with a big-time collab, with A Boodie Wit Da Hoodie and Big Freedia. As Uproxx’s Aaron Williams notes of “Bend It Ova,” “The beat blends the best of both artists’ favored production styles, pairing A Boogie’s moody piano riffs with a flashy NOLA beat for a track that is sure to see listeners doing exactly what the song says.”

Bleachers — “Self Respect”

When he’s not co-writing hits with Taylor Swift, Lana Del Rey, and seemingly everybody else, Jack Antonoff is leading Bleachers down a memorable road of its own. Their new self-titled album is out now and it features cuts like the very The National-y “Self Respect.”

Jean Dawson — “New Age Crisis”

Dawson took a big step on his new three-song release Boohoo, which sees him going bilingual. On “New Age Crisis,” though, he sticks to English as he delivers a massive gospel-inspired number.

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds — “Wild God”

Nick Cave and his Bad Seeds have been at it for a minute now: They announced a new album, Wild God, last week, and it’ll be their 18th LP. They also shared the title track, a soaring and poetic number.

Yaya Bey — “Sir Princess Bad B*tch”

Yaya Bey does everything according to their own unique plan, and Bey conveys a sense of confidence on the new single “Sir Princess Bad B*tch” (which is surely one of the year’s best song titles so far). As Uproxx’s Alex Gonzalez notes, “Over a groovy house-inspired beat, Bey reiterates that she wouldn’t trade the love she has for herself for anything else.”

Kamasi Washington — “Prologue”

It feels like forever since we got a new album from Washington, as his last one was 2018’s Heaven And Earth. At last, though, he’s coming back with Fearless Movement, which he announced last week and which will feature André 3000 (on flute), George Clinton, BJ The Chicago Kid, Thundercat, Terrace Martin, and more.

The Marías — “Run Your Mouth”

LA-based group The Marías just announced Submarine last week, and they preceded the new album with “Run Your Mouth.” It finds the band in a groovy pocket, busting out chill vibes and a catchy hook that’s a promising sign of what else is to come.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

On Sunday night, the infamous Oscar streaker of decades past almost got one-upped by Peacemaker himself, John Cena, who appeared to wear only sandals while presenting the award for Best Costuming. Cena pulled off the stunt marvelously and seemed to be a mere stumble or dropped card away from (highly blurred) full frontal on network TV. (Emma Stone was shocked for multiple reasons over the course of the evening, and Cena’s physique was only the beginning.)

How naked was Cena, however, and was this performance more or less authentic than Ryan Gosling’s Kenergy? From the audience’s POV, any “movie magic,” so to speak, was hidden away, but according to a revelatory photo from Getty Images, some carefully placed fabric protected Cena’s NSFW parts.

Too bad we didn’t see Trump’s live reaction to more than Kimmel’s hosting, right? Regardless, Cena is an incredible sport for agreeing to go almost fully nude for laughs, especially when there were other fields of dreams and high points threatening to be more must-see than a WWE wrestler-turned-actor wearing “only” sandals.

Additionally, it must be noted that Cena can be seen (largely clothed) in Amazon’s Ricky Stanicky alongside Zac Efron, who has also been baring plenty of skin lately. Not as much as Cena, however.