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GREENSBORO — With a career spanning nearly 40 years, everyone has their own Sting story. My introduction to wrestling came when I was three years old in Worcester, Massachusetts, when my brother escaped our father’s grasp, climbed under the guard rail, and tried to fight Rick Rude, who was mercilessly beating the WCW star in front of us. I have very few memories with my father, but we always had wrestling. And we always had Sting.

Sunday night in Greensboro, North Carolina, 16,000 fans (per WrestleTix) packed into the Greensboro Coliseum — an arena of historical significance, where Sting had his breakout moment against Ric Flair in 1988 — to see him ride off into the sunset. Hundreds of similar stories carried throughout the arena, with attire ranging the many eras of Sting from surfer blonde, NWO stints, Crow, the Joker, and modern-day Sting.

Some fans saw him as part of the Blade Runners, tagging with the man who’d eventually become the Ultimate Warrior. Others were introduced by chance, whether they watched him main event a house show, played as him in a video game, or saw him sitting in the rafters and were captivated by his presence. The stories of how fans came to love Sting are endless.

But until Sunday, it never felt like Sting had his perfect story. The man who was the ultimate team player in an industry that can be cutthroat has overcome his fair share of booking missteps along the way — RoboCop, Starrcade 1997, and his loss to Triple H at WrestleMania stand out in particular.

Unceremoniously, Sting’s career wrapped up early in September 2015, just four matches into his lone WWE stint. A buckle powerbomb led to temporary paralysis, a realization that he had cervical spinal stenosis, and it put an unexpected end to his iconic professional wrestling career.

A little over five years later, Sting set the wheels in motion for arguably his greatest run in wrestling as part of AEW. He joined the company unsure if he could still go in the ring, so he agreed to a cinematic match with Darby Allin against Brian Cage and Ricky Starks.

For the next three years, AEW founder and CEO Tony Khan did everything he could to honor the legend, the icon, Sting.

“Sting stepped away from pro wrestling for several years and by all indications, he was going to retire. He felt he had a great run in him alongside his tag team partner, Darby Allin. He’s had some of the most exciting and memorable matches in AEW in the last several years and Sting has accumulated an undefeated record where Sting is, in many ways, the most successful wrestler in AEW,” Khan told Uproxx Sports ahead of All In last year.

“Every time he steps in the ring we try to pay tribute to his great career and how honored we are to have Sting with us.”

Sting has held up his end of the bargain as well. He put on matches that showed he could still go. And he also showed how much fun he was having being back in (and around) the ring — Sting exchanging “strikes” with Orange Cassidy remains one of my favorite moments of this entire run.

He jumped off of almost everything, performed spots that defied his 64-year-old body, and created memories alongside budding and current stars that redefine how his legacy will be remembered.

“I think it’s amazing that he came in during the pandemic when there were barely any fans and took a chance considering he never had to get back in the ring again. And then to be rewarded at Wembley and setting the all-time attendance record in wrestling. And then to have pretty much the whole pay-per-view, Revolution, be based around this and the proper send off with his sons and everything that went into it,” Darby Allin said.

“This was all his baby. And it’s amazing that we, at the end of the night, can be like, we did it. And not have any regrets — wake up, oh man, we shit the bed last night. There’s no regrets. Like, this was amazing. Thank you, Sting.”

At the end of the day, the story of Sting was concluded in a way legends are sure to take notice of. He was paid the proper respect. He finally got his big moment in front of more than 80,000 fans at Wembley Stadium along the way. And when it came time to sign off for one last time, he was booked on a show that was built around paying tribute to him in an arena that meant a great deal to his career.

You could see how meaningful it was for Sting to be flanked by his sons, who were dressed in original surfer Sting and NWO Wolfpack Sting gear after being attacked by the Bucks a few weeks ago. Khan and the Bucks refused to let Sting go out on his back, per Justin Barrasso from SI, another move away the sometimes archaic ways of professional wrestling’s past. Instead they celebrated his career with a stellar match that paid tribute to the eras of Sting in a unique way, beautifully blending the past with modern day wrestling.

Khan called it the “greatest comeback ever” and the best sendoff in professional wrestling history. Sting said he felt like his final match against the Young Bucks was one of the top three matches of his entire career.

“That’s a big statement,” Sting added. “I really do mean that. And what a way to end it with AEW. So kudos to the Bucks. And of course, Darby. Of course, Tony. The whole thing could not have been any better.”

And now, nearly 40 years after he started his career, Sting can sign off with his perfect story.

Vampire Weekend broke their five-year silence with “Capricorn” and “Gen-X Cops,” two singles that Uproxx’s Steven Hyden listed among his “Favorite Music Of February 2024.” Only God Was Above Us, the band’s first album since 2019’s Grammy winner Father Of The Bride, will be released on April 5, but Vampire Weekend gave fans a podcast to tide them over until then. The first episode of Vampire Campfire dropped this morning, March 7.

A press release provided a thorough synopsis of the podcast, as excerpted below:

“Hosted by Ezra Koenig, Chris Baio, and Chris Tomson and captured on a trio of Ikegami ITC-730AP cameras, the podcast will be released semi-regularly for the foreseeable future. Fans who tune in will be invited behind the scenes into a longstanding and formerly private Vampire Weekend ritual: the frequent campfire chats where Baio, CT and Koenig convene to discuss and brainstorm all things VW — and so much more.

Observant listeners will spot the occasional Easter egg, while all will be treated to advance insights into the upcoming Only God Was Above Us album and tour — and will be invited to witness as the band members reminisce about the past and discuss important matters in the present, ranging from tour openers, set lists and the potential of a future album called The 40-Year-Old Email, to such controversial topics as the dominant type of taco shell and The Real World vs Road Rules. Future episodes will see the band delve deeper into the new album and will feature some very special guests.”

Watch the first episode above, and check out information about Vampire Weekend’s forthcoming 2024 tour in support of Only God Was Above Us below.

Vampire Weekend 2024 Tour Dates: Only God Was Above Us Tour

04/08 — Austin, TX @ Moody Amphitheater
04/27 — New Orleans, LA @ New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival
05/10 — Salt Lake City, UT @ Kilby Block Party
05/30 — Barcelona, Spain @ Primavera Sound Barcelona
06/06 — Houston, TX @ 713 Music Hall =
06/07 — Irving, TX @ The Pavilion at Toyota Music Factory =
06/09 — Phoenix, AZ @ Arizona Financial Theatre =
06/10 — San Diego, CA @ Cal Coast Credit Union Open Air Theatre =
06/12 — Los Angeles, CA @ Hollywood Bowl %&
06/15 — Berkeley, CA @ William Randolph Hearst Greek Theatre >
06/16 — Berkeley, CA @ William Randolph Hearst Greek Theatre >
06/18 — Burnaby, British Columbia @ Deer Lake Park >
06/19 — Bend, OR @ Hayden Homes Amphitheater >
06/20 — Seattle, WA @ Climate Pledge Arena >
06/22 — Bonner, MT @ KettleHouse Amphitheater
06/23 — Bonner, MT @ KettleHouse Amphitheater
07/19 — Morrison, CO @ Red Rocks Amphitheatre
07/22 — Kansas City, MO @ Starlight Theatre +
07/23 — Lincoln, NE @ Pinewood Bowl Theater +
07/25 — Maryland Heights, MO @ Saint Louis Music Park +
07/26 — Chicago, IL @ Huntington Bank Pavilion at Northerly Island *+
07/27 — Chicago, IL @ Huntington Bank Pavilion at Northerly Island *+
07/30 — Minneapolis, MN @ The Armory +
08/01 — Milwaukee, WI @ BMO Pavilion +
08/03 — St. Charles, IA @ Hinterland Music Festival
09/19 — Cuyahoga Falls, OH @ Blossom Music Center !
09/20 — Cincinnati, OH @ The Icon Festival Stage at Smale Park !
09/21 — Indianapolis, IN @ Everwise Amphitheater at White River State Park !
09/23 — Rochester Hills, MI @ Meadow Brook Amphitheatre !
09/24 — Toronto, Ontario @ Budweiser Stage !
09/25 — Laval, Quebec @ Place Bell !
09/27 — Boston, MA @ TD Garden !
09/28 — Philadelphia, PA @ TD Pavilion at The Mann !
09/30 — Washington, D.C. @ The Anthem !
10/02 — Charlottesville, VA @ Ting Pavilion !
10/05 — New York, NY @ Madison Square Garden ^~
10/06 — New York, NY @ Madison Square Garden #~
10/08 — Wilmington, NC @ Live Oak Bank Pavilion !
10/09 — Raleigh, NC @ Red Hat Amphitheater !
10/11 — Nashville, TN @ Ascend Amphitheater !
10/12 — Atlanta, GA @ Cadence Bank Amphitheatre at Chastain Park !
10/13 — Asheville, NC @ Rabbit Rabbit !
10/15 — St. Augustine, FL @ St. Augustine Amphitheatre !
10/17 — Austin, TX @ Moody Center !

= with LA LOM
% with The English Beat
& with Voodoo Glow Skull
> with Mike Gordon
< with Christone “Kingfish” Ingram
+ with Ra Ra Riot
* with Princess
! with Cults
^ with Mark Ronson
~ with Turnstiles
# with The Brothers Macklovitch

Vampire Weekend’s Only God Was Above Us Tour Poster

Only God Was Above Us is out 4/5 via Columbia. Find more information here.

This season of Abbott Elementary has proven that there is nothing Quinta Brunson cannot do. If she wants to implement a time jump, she can. If she wants to give her character a better job, then she can! If she wants her show to air twice in one week, then who is ABC to tell her, an Emmy and Golden Globe-winning actress/writer that she cannot? So she is!

You might have noticed that there was no new episode of Abbott Elementary this week, and it’s for a good reason. Episode 6 will air directly after the Oscars this Sunday evening after all of those shiny statues are handed out and Ryan Gosling has sung the final act of “I’m Just Ken.” Like previous Abbott episodes, it will land on Hulu around 3 am EST Monday morning. But don’t stay up, it’s a school night.

Here is the synopsis for episode six: “Abbott Elementary is deemed a Philadelphia historical landmark, much to Ava and Janine’s delight; the school plans a celebration in honor of its namesake, but not everything goes as planned.” The episode will also feature Brady Bunch icon, Jennifer Elise Cox.

How could it possibly get better? Episode 7, titled “The Librarian” will air Wednesday before arriving on Hulu on Thursday. So that’s two new Abbott episodes next week.

By most accounts, Robert Downey Jr. is the odds-on favorite this weekend to win his first Oscar for Best Supporting Actor – something that, unless there’s a huge upset, will most likely happen. He’s been nominated twice before: a Best Actor nomination for Chaplin* (having no real chance in a stacked year, up against Denzel Washington for Malcolm X, Clint Eastwood for Unforgiven, and winner Al Pacino for Scent of a Woman) and a Supporting Actor nomination for playing Kirk Lazarus in Tropic Thunder (again having no real chance against posthumous winner Heath Ledger for The Dark Knight.)

(*Speaking of Chaplin, I had somehow never seen it and decided I should probably watch it before writing this piece. I had always avoided it because I had a good idea what it would be like. Here’s the thing about a lot of movies: they are never quite what you think they are going to be. Except Chaplin. It’s exactly what you think it’s going to be. It’s a movie genetically engineered in an early 1990s lab to get a Best Picture Oscar nomination, which it failed to do. Though, Downey is really good.)

Downey is one of those actors where it just kind of feels like he’s won one before, even though he most certainly hasn’t. Maybe it’s the inevitability of it all? Maybe it’s the whole Marvel thing? (We’ll get to that.) But there doesn’t seem to be the usual excitement surrounding one of the best actors of our time finally winning his first Oscar. In fact, it’s strangely the opposite. At least in my social media feeds I see a lot of, “Wouldn’t it be cool if Gosling pulled an upset?” I mean, sure, who doesn’t like Ryan Gosling? But Downey has been at this for, somehow, over 40 years now with the ups and the well-documented downs. To put it bluntly: the guy is due.

I rewatched Oppenheimer before I wrote this – a movie I think is well made, but also didn’t like as much as most people seem to like it – trying to really pay attention to what made Downey click so well in this movie. The thing is, I’ve rewatched a lot of Robert Downey Jr. movies recently. Everything from Less Than Zero (he’s truly fantastic), to The Pick-up Artist, to Chances Are, to Only You.* Downey is an actor who has a true baseline for how he approaches almost every scene and it’s served him well over the years and it’s a large reason why he’s so good as Tony Stark. In Oppenheimer, Downey seems to eschew all of that and do the opposite. There are literally scenes where you can tell he’s about to let the Downey charm/smarm fly, but still manages to stop himself. It’s like he’s pulling a George Costanza here and going against every natural impulse he has as an actor – but the difference here is Downey’s natural impulses have made him one of the most successful and wealthy actors in the world. It takes a lot of willpower to tell yourself, “Why don’t we not do that this time?”

(*A quick aside here about Chances Are and Only You, two movies starring Robert Downey Jr. with its title taken from hit pop songs from the 1950s. The plot of Chances Are (oh goodness this plot), Downey plays the reincarnated husband of Cybil Shepherd who is dating their daughter (yep). After a bump on the head, he realizes who he is and is now reunited with the love of his life. In Only You, Marisa Tomei plays a woman who was told by a psychic that her soul mate is a man named Damon Bradley. While vacationing in Europe, she meets a man played by Downey who says his name is Damon Bradley. My point here: these two movies should switch titles.)

The other thing I noticed rewatching Oppenheimer … the character of Lewis Strauss kind of sucks. I mean this as a compliment to Downey, because why on Earth should we care at all about this character one way or another, even as a villain? Here’s a movie about the making of the atomic bomb, but the entire third act is focused on Lewis Strauss’s failed confirmation hearing for Commerce Secretary and Strauss’s role in J. Robert Oppenheimer losing his security clearance, something he didn’t really even need at the time. The only reason we care is because of Downey. With almost any other actor, we’d be sitting there thinking, Wait, what’s this about again? But Downey is so enigmatic and interesting as Strauss, it’s captivating despite itself. Downey holds that whole third act together by sheer willpower. (With an assist from Alden Ehrenreich, who should have gotten more attention for his part here.)

Oh, right, the Marvel part. I do wonder if “being the face of the Marvel Cinematic Universe” for over a decade made it a little less, for lack of a better term, “exciting” for the rooting interests that Downey will most likely win an Oscar. “Oh this guy who has everything? Welp, he’s getting more.” I’ll admit, I have mixed feelings about his role in Marvel, too. On the one hand, well, he’s terrific as Tony Stark. Every MCU movie he appeared in just has something the others don’t. And we can tell today that the current iteration of the MCU feels pretty lost without him. And, in 2008, Downey was an actor who was on the comeback with both Zodiac and Tropic Thunder, but Iron Man was the ultimate breakthrough that cemented his legacy. Also, it made him very rich. These are all good things.

But, selfishly, it was kind of annoying the kind of performances that we saw in Zodiac went away until … well, now. Basically 15 full years. Between the first Iron Man being released (so this doesn’t include his other two already filmed 2008 movies) and Oppenheimer, Downey starred in a grand total of five movies that were not as Tony Stark: Two Sherlock Holmes movies (in retrospect, it’s kind of wild a successful sort-of franchise was made out of Sherlock Holmes), the Todd Phillips comedy, Due Date, The Judge, and Doolittle – which, as also executive producer, seemed like Downey’s attempt at a new franchise. Even though that movie somehow grossed a quarter of a billion dollars, it’s currently sitting at 15 percent on Rotten Tomatoes and most definitely it will not be a new franchise.

However, I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if Doolittle had been a huge success. (What a weird sentence.) Was that the kick Downey needed to give this performance? For him to remember, Oh, yeah, I’m not just a movie star, I’m one hell of an actor. In reality, nothing is ever that simple and binary, but that’s the way I’ve decided it all went down … Tony Stark had to die and Dr. John Dolittle had to be almost universally hated so Rear Admiral Lewis Strauss could win Downey his first Oscar. Honestly, we should be celebrating all of this. (Especially those last two things.)

You can contact Mike Ryan directly on Twitter.

After The Marías previously teased their new album with a cryptic underwater video, the band has now announced their next album titled Submarine. They also had another surprise for fans today, as they have shared a new single from it called “Run Your Mouth.”

“All the sh*t you put me through put me through / And now you’re talking bout me too and I know / That I could never get away from you / I’ll wait for you to turn around and talk it through but we won’t,” lead singer María Zardoya sings over a chill and groovy instrumental.

Directed by Bethany Vargas, the entertaining music video leans into the album’s color palette of blue, as the band performs in a few futuristic-looking spaces. It also creatively plays with doubles of the band members appearing throughout.

“This was one of the first songs Josh and I wrote on Submarine,” Zardoya added in a statement. “I was conflict-avoidant at the time and whenever someone wanted to talk about something serious, I’d run and hide. I learned that was a protective mechanism and I didn’t have the capacity to open up. There’s no other song on the album like it, hope you dance to this one.”

Check out “Run Your Mouth” above.

Submarine is out 5/31 via Nice Life Recording Company/Atlantic Records. Find more information here.

The Marías are a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

HBO’s Game of Thrones creators, David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, stepped away from Westeros (and they had very lucrative offers to produce more of George R.R. Martin’s work) to head into the sci-fi realm for Netflix. That’s probably a relief for both Benioff and Weiss and the dragon-loving audience (who wasn’t thrilled with the event series’ final season) at large, and now, the pair’s first collaboration with their new streaming service is almost upon us.

Here’s another tidbit that might come as a source of relief for those who have a sour taste in their mouths after Daenerys was reduced to a mad bear. Unlike with Game of Thrones, 3 Body Problem is based upon Liu Cixin’s already completed bestselling novel trilogy of the same name. In other words, there’s not as much danger of this show, if it should last multiple seasons, running out of source material and going off book. Not that it’s guaranteed to not go off the rails, but there’s not as strong of a chance of it doing so. Let’s be optimistic and discuss what we can expect from this new series.

Plot

Benioff and Weiss are accompanied by fellow producer Alexander Woo (True Blood, The Terror) and director Derek Tsang (Soul Mate, Better Days) in this thriller series that bends genres and explores humanity’s position in the grand scheme of the universe. The title refers to three stars orbiting each other, and the story follows Earth’s discovery of aliens within this system. Expect to be bathed in mysteries and catastrophic developments that put humanity into jeopardy, and the story stretches across time, including 1960s China and contemporary New York City and England. Of primary significance — and this is an incredibly simplistic description — would be the threat of an alien invasion and how humanity decides to counter/greet that threat. Complex scientific concepts swirl, and then there’s another concept to be had…

Spoiler alert…

Seriously, that’s your warning.

Maybe don’t contact those aliens! Bad idea.

To avoid any real spoilers, let’s move onto reassurances by Benioff, who promises that “tremendous love and respect for the books” carried the day. Further, “[I]t’s very important to us that the show stand on its own two legs and work for people who have read the books — and for people who haven’t read the books.” As for Woo, he further reveals that book readers should not expect a carbon copy for the TV series:

“The experience of watching a television series is different from watching a feature film, [which] is so different from the experience of reading a novel. What we are hoping to do is to convey the experience — if not necessarily the exact details — of the novel onto the screen. What stayed, we hope, is the sense of wonderment and the sense of scope, of scale, where the problems are no longer just the problems of an individual or even a nation, but of an entire species.”

Netflix, as well, keeps things brief in their synopsis:

A young woman’s fateful decision in 1960s China reverberates across space and time to a group of brilliant scientists in the present day. As the laws of nature unravel before their eyes five former colleagues reunite to confront the greatest threat in humanity’s history.

Cast

Familiar faces from Game of Thrones are definitely on the scene. Those include John Bradley, Sir Jonathan Pryce, and Liam Cunningham. Additionally, the cast includes Benedict Wong (Annihilation, the MCU), Eiza González (Ambulance, I Care A Lot), Jess Hong (The Brokenwood Mysteries), Jovan Adepo (When They See Us), Rosalind Chao (Sweet Tooth), and Marlo Kelly (Joe vs. Carole, Inventing Anna).

Release Date

The full first season of 3 Body Problem debuts on March 21.

Trailer(s)

Netflix has dropped a few of ’em. Even if you were turned off by the final Game of Thrones season, you gotta admit that this looks promising.

After winning a primary to become the Republican candidate for North Carolina‘s gubernatorial race, Mark Robinson instantly started making headlines thanks to a well-documented trail of controversial statements. Despite a crowded field that includes Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert, Kari Lake, and the big guy himself, Donald Trump, Robinson has surprisingly managed to vault himself to the top as the GOP’s most outlandish candidate.

During Wednesday’s night episode, The Daily Show went to town on Robinson’s record, and there was no shortage of material. The gubernatorial candidate has a history of denying the Holocaust, making transphobic statements, openly opining that women shouldn’t be allowed to vote, and at one point, referring to the Parkland school shooting survivors as “spoiled little bastards.”

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Via Huffpost:

“Wow!” said guest host Ronny Chieng. “This guy hates everybody. Gay people, Jewish people, women, school shooting survivors, Beyoncé.”

“I mean, this guy is so into hating people, he even hates MLK,” Chieng onted. “I know we’re a divided country but I thought the one thing we could all agree on is MLK — good. And by the way, you can’t just hate on everyone and leave out the Asians, that’s racist.”

While Robinson’s stances should make him a pariah in a reasonable society, he could be running an entire state by the end of the year because Robinson’s rhetoric is warmly welcomed by the GOP.

He’s “perfect symbol of where the Republican Party is at right now,” Chieng quipped to The Daily Show audience.

(Via Huffpost)

Wild Pink is at the start of a new era: Today (March 7), the John Ross-fronted band announced its signing to Fire Talk Records. The occasion has been marked by the release of a new single, “Air Drumming Fix You.” The five-minute track is melancholic and reflective as Ross sings about love and uncertainty.

There’s no news of a new Wild Pink album yet, but given the new label home, a new LP very well may be on the way. A new album would be the group’s first since 2022’s ILYSM. Wild Pink’s first two albums were released via Tiny Engines, while the two following that (including ILYSM) came out through Royal Mountain Records.

Listen to “Air Drumming Fix You” above. Wild Pink also has a North American tour starting next week, so find those dates below.

Wild Pink 2024 Tour Dates

03/13 — Burlington, VT @ FOAM Brewery ^
03/14 — Portland, ME @ Oxbow Brewery ^
03/15 — Kingston, NY @ Tubby’s +
03/16 — New York, NY @ Union Pool (Early) +
03/16 — New York, NY @ Union Pool (Late) +
03/19 — Denver, CO @ Larimer Lounge *
03/30 — Ft. Collins, CO @ The Armory *
03/22 — Omaha, NE @ Reverb Lounge *
03/23 — Kansas City, MO @ recordBar *
03/24 — Davenport, IA, @ The Racoon Motel *
03/26 — Minneapolis, MN @ 7th St. Entry *
03/27 — Milwaukee, WI @ Vivarium *
03/28 — Chicago, IL @ Empty Bottle *
03/29 — Detroit, MI @ Lager House *
03/30 — Indianapolis, IN @ Hi-Fi *
03/31 — St. Louis, MO @ Off Broadway *
04/02 — Little Rock, AR @ Stickyz Rock n Roll Chicken Shack *
04/03 — Jackson, MS @ Hal & Mal’s *
04/05 — Houston, TX @ Last Concert Cafe *
04/06 — Waco, TX @ Common Grounds *
05/30 — Denver, CO @ Bluebird #
05/31 — Ely, NV @ Schellraiser
06/03 — Seattle, WA @ Crocodile #
06/04 — Portland, OR @ Aladdin #
06/05 — San Francisco, CA @ August Hall #
06/06 — Los Angeles, CA @ Teragram #
06/08 — San Diego, CA @ The Music Box #

^ with Greg Mendez
+ with Empty Country and Sweet Harm
* with Sun June
# with The Ravonettes

Normally, on New Music Friday, new albums will be available on DSPs like Apple Music, Spotify, and Tidal at 9 pm PT or midnight ET. However’ Kanye West’s album releases are usually anything but normal. This Friday, March 8, he’s supposedly releasing Vultures 2, his joint album with Ty Dolla Sign, after turning the original Vultures into a three-album project last month (which was also when he revealed its new release date).

You might not want to plan on staying up to check out the new project, though. After all, Kanye hasn’t released a single project “on time” in the streaming era, and the rollout for Vultures has been anything but smooth. An initial release date in December was pushed back — without advance notice or much explanation from Mr. West — then pushed back again a few weeks later.

After announcing his three-part plans for the reimagined Vultures, Kanye did manage to meet his self-imposed deadline for Vultures 1, but it was released several hours after midnight to the chagrin of his most loyal fans. Even then, there were problems; on Spotify, the album is missing a song due to a copyright infringement complaint from the estate of Donna Summer, while the album isn’t even available on Apple Music after its distributor claimed West had pushed it through via a third party after his partnership offer was rejected.

That means Vultures 2 may not even hit any DSPs unless West and Ty have another trick up their sleeves. However, Vultures 1 managed to debut at the top of the Billboard 200 despite its issues, so don’t be surprised if FUGA changes its tune — after all, like the man said, cash rules everything.

Well, guess what: It is time for the 2024 Academy Awards. The ceremony is this Sunday night and all the stars will be out. There are some good movies up for the top prize, too. Barbie and Oppenheimer rode the wave of summer heat into the main category. Anatomy of a Fall and its good dog are in there. American Fiction is cool because it was written and directed by a blogger I used to love reading. Paul Giamatti carried The Holdovers there and I’m kinda hoping he wins just to see what burger joint he brings this trophy to. Killers of the Flower Moon and Maestro and Past Lives and Poor Things round out the Best Picture category, which is a fun thing to say because those movies have very little in common beyond the magic of cinema. Solid list, really. Not too much to complain about.

But…

… and just hear me out here…

… what if we just gave the 2024 Best Picture Oscar to the 2001 Steven Soderbergh heist film Ocean’s Eleven?

What if we did that? It is something that merits consideration. Probably. Maybe. I am going to write about it either way, so you might as well just roll with it. There’s a reason Cord Jefferson went from blogger to Oscar-nominated filmmaker and I’m still firing off my little rants in these boxes. I feel okay about it, mostly.

Here we go.

The Case For Giving The 2024 Best Picture Oscar To The 2001 Heist Movie Ocean’s Eleven

My case here rests upon three pillars…

PILLAR ONE: Ocean’s Eleven is a blast. Just two hours of George Clooney and his celebrity friends wearing tuxedos and robbing casinos owned by Andy Garcia, who is also in a tuxedo. Julia Roberts is in there too and she’s just great. I’ve probably seen this movie 40 times and I would watch it again right now if I stumbled upon it on some basic cable channel that usually shows basketball games or drunken housewives shouting at each other. I should check, actually. There’s almost always a 40-50 chance it’s on somewhere.

Seriously, though. Remember how good this movie is? Don’t focus on the sequels, which are also mostly fine but not the point. Just think about the original. And think about the thing where Clooney and Soderbergh made Out of Sight a few years earlier, which is probably an even better little heist movie than this one. Giving them this belated Oscar might convince them to get back to that, to making fun little breezy heist movies where every character says the coolest thing anyone has ever said every time they open their mouth. We need a few more of those. It could work.

PILLAR TWO: It would be really funny. Just picture like Jack Nicholson strolling out there at age 86 to a raucous seven-minute standing ovation with his sunglasses on inside the ballroom and then he opens the envelope and announces that the award is going to a movie that came out 23 years ago. Think about the chaos that would ensue in that moment, immediately, and then in the days after. Think about the pretzels people would twist themselves into to fire off increasingly deranged takes. I bet we could get some maniac to blame it on the skyrocketing cost of groceries. Some opinion columnist who makes like $400k to write the most bozo blogs you’ve ever seen will probably submit something with a headline like “What The Ocean’s Eleven Win At The Oscars Says About The Youth Vote In The 2032 Election.”

It’ll be chaos. We deserve that. A little harmless fun for all of us.

PILLAR THREE: None of the current nominees feature Don Cheadle as an explosives expert. That’s important, too.

But this brings us to…

The Case Against Giving The 2024 Best Picture Oscar To The 2001 Heist Movie Ocean’s Eleven

Three pillars once again…

PILLAR ONE: It is probably not fair to the people who made the very good movies that got nominated this year to give the trophy to a movie that came out before Jenna Ortega was even born.

PILLAR TWO: People would probably end up getting very mad at me when they realize I’m the one who suggested it in the first place.

PILLAR THREE: If we’re just flinging open the door and making any movie ever made eligible for the Best Picture Oscar, we should probably just give this year’s award to Bottoms, if only for the potential of a Marshawn Lynch acceptance speech.

VERDICT

I don’t know, man. I actually did this exact same article three years ago but I suggested we give the Best Oscar award to the 2018 ensemble comedy Game Night. You figure it out!