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This post was written by Tim Urban and originally published on Wait But Why.

I woke up this morning to a text. It was a link:

“optimistic-people-have-one-thing-common-always-late.”

Intriguing. Nothing’s better than the headline: “The reason people are [bad quality that describes you] is actually because they’re [good quality].”

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I got to reading. And as it turns out, according to the article, late people are actually the best people ever. They’re optimistic and hopeful:

“People who are continuously late are actually just more optimistic. They believe they can fit more tasks into a limited amount of time more than other people and thrive when they’re multitasking. Simply put, they’re fundamentally hopeful.”

They’re big-thinking:

“People who are habitually late don’t sweat over the small stuff, they concentrate on the big picture and see the future as full of infinite possibilities.”

Late people just get it:

“People with a tendency for tardiness like to stop and smell the roses…life was never meant to be planned down to the last detail. Remaining excessively attached to timetables signifies an inability to enjoy the moment.”

By the end of the article, I had never felt prouder to be a chronically late person.

But also, what the hell is going on? Late people are the worst. It’s the quality I like least in myself. And I’m not late because I like to smell the roses or because I can see the big picture or because the future is full of infinite possibilities. I’m late because I’m insane.

So I thought about this for a minute, and I think I figured out what’s going on. The issue is that there are two kinds of lateness:

1. OK lateness. This is when the late person being late does not negatively impact anyone else — like being late to a group hangout or a party. Things can start on time and proceed as normal with or without the late person being there yet.

2. Not-OK lateness. This is when the late person being late does negatively impact others — like being late to a two-person dinner or meeting or anything else that simply can’t start until the late party arrives.

John Haltiwanger’s Elite Daily article is (I hope) talking mostly about OK lateness. In which case, sure, maybe those people are the best, who knows.

But if you read the comment section under Haltiwanger’s article, people are furious with him for portraying lateness in a positive light. And that’s because they’re thinking about the far less excusable not-OK lateness.

1. OK lateness. This is when the late person being late does not negatively impact anyone else — like being late to a group hangout or a party. Things can start on time and proceed as normal with or without the late person being there yet.

2. Not-OK lateness. This is when the late person being late does negatively impact others — like being late to a two-person dinner or meeting or anything else that simply can’t start until the late party arrives.

John Haltiwanger’s Elite Daily article is (I hope) talking mostly about OK lateness. In which case, sure, maybe those people are the best, who knows.

But if you read the comment section under Haltiwanger’s article, people are furious with him for portraying lateness in a positive light. And that’s because they’re thinking about the far less excusable not-OK lateness.

All of this has kind of left me with no choice but to take a quick nine-hour break from working on a gargantuan SpaceX post to discuss not-OK late people.

When it comes to people who are chronically not-OK late, I think there are two subgroups:

Group 1: Those who don’t feel bad or wrong about it. These people are assholes.

Group 2: Those who feel terrible and self-loathing about it. These people have problems.

Group 1 is simple. They think they’re a little more special than everyone else, like the zero-remorse narcissist at the top of Haltiwanger’s article. They’re unappealing. Not much else to discuss here.

Punctual people think all not-OK late people are in Group 1 (as the comments on this post will show) — because they’re assuming all late people are sane people.

When a sane person thinks a certain kind of behavior is fine, they do it. When they think it’s wrong, they don’t do it. So to a punctual person — one who shows up on time because they believe showing up late is the wrong thing to do — someone who’s chronically late must be an asshole who thinks being late is OK.

But that’s misunderstanding the entire second group, who, despite being consistently late, usually detest the concept of making other people wait. Let call them CLIPs (Chronically Late Insane Persons).

While both groups of not-OK late people end up regularly frustrating others, a reliable way to identify a Group 2 CLIP is a bizarre compulsion to defeat themselves — some deep inner drive to inexplicably miss the beginning of movies, endure psychotic stress running to catch the train, crush their own reputation at work, etc., etc. As much as they may hurt others, they usually hurt themselves even more.

I spent around 15% of my youth standing on some sidewalk alone, angrily kicking rocks, because yet again, all the other kids had gotten picked up and I was still waiting for my mom. When she finally arrived, instead of being able to have a pleasant conversation with her, I’d get into the car seething. She always felt terrible. She has problems.

My sister once missed an early morning flight, so they rescheduled her for the following morning. She managed to miss that one too, so they put her on a flight five hours later. Killing time during the long layover, she got distracted on a long phone call and missed that flight too. She has problems.

I’ve been a CLIP my whole life. I’ve made a bunch of friends mad at me, I’ve embarrassed myself again and again in professional situations, and I’ve run a cumulative marathon through airport terminals.

When I’m late, it’s often the same story, something like this:

I’ll be meeting someone, maybe a professional contact, at, say, a coffee place at 3:00. When I lay out my schedule for the day, I’ll have the perfect plan. I’ll leave early, arrive early, and get there around 2:45. That takes all the stress out of the situation, and that’s ideal because non-stressful commutes are one of my favorite things. It’ll be great — I’ll stroll out, put on a podcast, and head to the subway. Once I’m off the subway, with time to spare, I’ll take a few minutes to peruse storefronts, grab a lemonade from a street vendor, and enjoy New York. It’ll be such a joy to look up at the architecture, listen to the sounds, and feel the swell of people rushing by — oh magnificent city!

All I have to do is be off the subway by 2:45. To do that, I need to be on the subway by 2:25, so I decide to be safe and get to the subway by 2:15. So I have to leave my apartment by 2:07 or earlier, and I’m set. What a plan.

Here’s how it’ll play out (if you’re new to WBW, you’re advised to check this out before proceeding):

CLIPs are strange people. I’m sure each CLIP is insane in their own special way, and to understand how they work, you’ll usually have to get to some dark inner psychology.

For me, it’s some mix of these three odd traits:

1. I’m late because I’m in denial about how time works.

The propensity of CLIPs to underestimate how long things take comes out of some habitual delusional optimism. Usually what happens is, of all the times the CLIP has done a certain activity or commute, what they remember is that one time things went the quickest. And that amount of time is what sticks in their head as how long that thing takes. I don’t think there’s anything that will get me to internalize that packing for a weeklong trip takes 20 minutes. In my head, it’s eternally a five-minute task. You just take out the bag, throw some clothes in it, throw your toiletries in, zip it up, and done. Five minutes. The empirical data that shows that there are actually a lot of little things to think about when you pack and that it takes 20 minutes every time is irrelevant. Packing is clearly a five-minute task. As I type this, that’s what I believe.

2. I’m late because I have a weird aversion to changing circumstances.

Not sure what the deal is with this, but something in me is strangely appalled by the idea of transitioning from what I’m currently doing to doing something else. When I’m at home working, I hate when there’s something on my schedule that I have to stop everything for to go outside and do. It’s not that I hate the activity — once I’m there I’m often pleased to be there — it’s an irrational resistance to the transition. The positive side of this is it usually means I’m highly present when I finally do haul my ass somewhere, and I’m often among the last to leave.

3. Finally, I’m late because I’m mad at myself.

There’s a pretty strong correlation here — the worse I feel about my productivity so far that day, the more likely I am to be late. When I’m pleased with how I’ve lived the day so far, the Rational Decision-Maker has a much easier time taking control of the wheel. I feel like an adult, so it’s easy to act like an adult. But times when the monkey had his way with me all day, when the time rolls around that I need to stop working and head out somewhere, I can’t believe that this is all I’ve gotten done. So my brain throws a little tantrum, refusing to accept the regrettable circumstances, and stages a self-flagellating protest, saying, “NO. This cannot be the situation. Nope. You didn’t do what you were supposed to do, and now you’ll sit here and get more done, even if it makes you late.”

So yeah, that’s why I’m late. Because I have problems.

Don’t excuse the CLIPs in your life — it’s not OK, and they need to fix it. But remember: It’s not about you. They have problems.

This article originally appeared on 04.07.16

Draymond Green and Jusuf Nurkic are not exactly on the friendliest of terms right now. Green hitting Nurkic in the face was what led to his indefinite suspension from the Warriors, and things got testy again between the two when they met on Saturday night in a thrilling 113-112 Warriors win over the Suns.

Green and Nurkic went back and forth with dueling “too small” taunts in the game and traded trash talk throughout the night. After the game, Nurkic called out Green’s antics, saying he doesn’t deserve a second chance and that it’s a matter of time before he hits somebody again. Green responded in brief in his postgame presser, with Stephen Curry also chiming in and calling Nurkic’s comments “idiotic,” but Green decided on Tuesday he’d dive into it a bit deeper on his podcast, spending five minutes lighting Nurkic up (you can watch the full podcast episode here).

There’s a lot going on here, but Green starts by noting that nothing he did in the game verged on him hitting someone and just wants to know why that was what Nurkic jumped to in his postgame commentary. He then spends a few minutes going through Nurkic’s various struggles on the night, most notably failing to score on smaller defenders all night and also him trying his “turn away” taunt on Green in the post, with Green driving and scoring before slapping the floor with his own “too small” gesture. Green said it’s “disrespectful to the game” with his main issue being that Nurkic isn’t good enough or accomplished enough for the shenanigans he tries to pull, and closed by noting that the Suns aren’t going to win with that guy at center.

Nurkic had a much briefer response to Green going at him on the pod on Twitter.

Saturday’s meeting was the last of the regular season between the Warriors and Suns, so this should bring a close to this feud for awhile, barring a rather surprising run from Golden State that leads to a Warriors-Suns series in the playoffs at some point.

Attention, all fitness girlies. Your opportunity to spice up your workout wardrobe is nearly here. Mother Fitness herself, Megan Thee Stallion’s collaboration with Nike has officially arrived. Well, almost. In January, the “Hiss” rapper initially teased the partnership by sporting a pair of custom kicks.

Fans searched online for clues about what the brand and bar assassin had in store. But today (February 13), Megan finally revealed their brainchild is, in fact, a new training collection of garments curvaceously customized with the Hotties in mind — both those working hard on their New Year’s Resolution fitness goals and plain ol’ gym rats.

The collection (priced between $40 and $200) includes a bomber jacket, bodysuits, onesies, sports bras, biker shorts, and slim-cropped T-shirts. Whether you’re looking to sculpt your derrière in line with the H-town hottie’s glorious buns or burn off the extra calories from her flamin’ hot snack recommendations, there’s something for every need.

Starting on February 15, the collection will be exclusively sold on Megan Thee Stallion’s website. Then, on February 20, folks can shop for the garments via Nike’s site and retail stores. Find more information here.

Megan Thee Stallion is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Suits ran for nine full-on seasons on the USA Network. Years later, the show somehow still became the streaming rage of 2023 on Netflix, and NBC decided to get back in the swing of things by greenlighting a spinoff that will be based in Los Angeles. This week, the network announced that Stephen Amell (formerly of Heels) would step in as the lead character, Ted Black, who is (via Variety) “a charismatic force of nature who puts his own needs above others.”

So, what information could come next? Obviously, viewers will want to know if there’s any crossover potential with the main series, which would make sense on NBC’s part, given the original cast’s enduring popularity. Also, they have had Gabriel Macht (who portrayed the deal-closing Harvey Specter), Patrick J. Adams (who was initially the fake lawyer of the bunch, Mike Ross), and more original cast members out doing award-show reunions and a Super Bowl spot, the latter of which had fun with the concept of giving advice to the spinoff cast. So, will there at least be a Harvey or Mike cameo on the spinoff?

Sadly, NBC has not been forthcoming with any plans for this type of surprise for viewers. Perhaps it really will be a surprise? C’mon, nobody would be mad to see either of these two dudes, if only to pass the torch.

(Via Variety & The Hollywood Reporter)

A former music video producer is suing Russell Simmons for allegedly raping her in the ’90s, according to Variety. The anonymous producer, going by Jane Doe in the suit, filed the suit today, saying that the incident took place when she worked for Simmons’ label, Def Jam in the late 1990s, when she went to his apartment to get approval for a video’s rough cut.

Doe claims that Simmons displayed a pattern of sexual harassment at the Def Jam offices, making sexual innuendos toward her behind closed doors. On the date of the incident in question, she says Simmons “forcefully pinned” her, and continued despite her telling him to “‘get off’ and ‘stop’ several times.” After the incident, she says, she developed depression and anxiety, suffering panic attacks and developing an eating disorder, all of which prompted her to quit her job at Def Jam (she is now a writer and producer elsewhere in the entertainment industry).

She says that she was encouraged to file the lawsuit after coincidentally encountering Simmons at a yoga class in March 2023, where his unapologetic demeanor (Do you think I’m gonna try and f*ck you?” she recalls him saying) revealed he didn’t feel any remorse, despite having been accused of multiple other assaults repeatedly in the prior six years. There have also been a slew of lawsuits filed against other powerful recording industry figures, including Sean “Diddy” Combs, that gave Doe the courage to issue the suit.

While the incident would normally have been past the statute of limitations, New York Adult Survivors Act and Gender Motivated Violence Act allow “lookback windows” in order to pursue such cases. Simmons was also called out by his daughters and ex-wife Kimora Lee on Father’s Day last year for abusiver behavior.

Nothing quite says “romance” like a viewing of Madame Web, the new Marvel-adjacent movie with an all-female cast. There is just something so endearing about listening to Dakota Johnson drone on about spiders and EMT stuff while also learning how to navigate her supernatural powers. That must be why the movie is coming out on Valentine’s Day!

Madame Web stars Johnson alongside Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, and Adam Scott. Johnson plays Cassandra Webb (like a spider web, keep up!), a paramedic in Manhattan who has clairvoyant abilities. She is forced to confront revelations about her past as she forges a relationship with three young women who share a similar destiny.

If you are planning on seeing Madame Web but want to optimize your time as much as possible for a Wednesday night (it’s a work night for crying out loud) then you will be thrilled to know that after the movie ends, there is no after credits scene, which is pretty unheard of for a superhero movie. This probably means we won’t be getting a Madam Web 2.

So whenever Johnson says her last unenthused line on the screen, you can dip out of that theater safely and unsuspectingly. Once you get home, you can stream Morbius now on Netflix.

Suits fever became the name of the streaming game in 2023. Who would have thought? Nobody, that’s who. The series was, of course, successful for nine seasons of its USA Network run, and its full-on streaming home is at Peacock, but Netflix has the first eight installments, and the reception has been almost ridiculously successful. Before too long, NBC couldn’t resist picking the property back up for a spinoff, which we have already heard will be set in Los Angeles.

As well, it’s understood that this will generally involve a new cast of characters, and a lead character is now in our midst. As reported by Variety, Stephen Amell is donning those threads. He was recently freed up after the Starz cancellation of Heels, and here’s a tiny tidbit about his character:

Stephen Amell is suiting up. The actor will lead NBC’s upcoming “Suits” spinoff, “Suits: LA,” portraying Ted Black, “a charismatic force of nature who puts his own needs above others.”

From there, will we see any original cast members return? There’s been no official confirmation or denial on that front. It’s difficult to imagine that Meghan Markle would ever want to rejoin the party, but with other cast members appearing in Suits-themed commercials and public appearances, some sort of crossover feels inevitable. In other words, fingers are crossed that Gabriel Macht, Patrick J. Adams, or any other ex-Suit-ers will eventually be onboard, if only for cameos. Stay tuned.

(Via Variety)

The search party to track Polo G’s whereabouts can officially be called off. Firstly, the “Barely Holdin’ On” rapper was spotted attending Uproxx’s 2024 Grammys The Labels Brunch, in partnership with Verve Records. However, there are still a few lingering questions from supporters.

Why was Polo G’s album Hood Poet delayed? When will Hood Poet officially drop? What’s next for Polo G? Well, thanks to Polo G’s latest post on Instagram, the public now knows the latter. According to the upload, this Friday, February 16, Polo G is back to business as usual with a new single titled “Sorrys & Ferraris.”

“Everybody say they sorrys now [black heart emoji],” he wrote. “S&F [out on] 2/16.”

It is unclear if this upcoming record will restart Polo G’s album rollout schedule. This song could just be a loosie to hold his famished fans, to which they will gladly nibble. But after some digging, it appears that the expected release date has been updated on Apple Music’s pre-save page for Hood Poet. The new date under the highly anticipated album is August 2. Still, Polo G hasn’t seemed to confirm this on any of his social media pages.

So, for now, Polo G fans will have to hold out until February 16 for more details.

“Sorrys & Ferraris” is out 2/16 via Sony. Find more information here.

Sometimes the best new R&B can be hard to find, but there are plenty of great rhythm-and-blues tunes to get into if you have the time to sift through the hundreds of newly released songs every week. So that R&B heads can focus on listening to what they really love in its true form, we’ll be offering a digest of the best new R&B songs that fans of the genre should hear every Friday.

Since the last update of this weekly R&B column, we’ve received plenty of music and news from the genre’s artists.

Usher took over the Super Bowl for a spectacular halftime show that featured appearances from Alicia Keys, Lil Jon, Ludacris, and HER which came days after he announced his Past Present Future Tour. Beyoncé announced her Cécred line of hair care products and Tinashe stopped by the NPR Tiny Desk to perform her hits and deep cut records. Elsewhere, there’s a new Beyoncé wax figure, Leon Bridges covered Bob Marley’s “One Love,” and Dixson released a video for “Friends.”

Here are some more releases on the new music front that you should check out:

Usher — Coming Home

Usher returned home for his first solo album since 2016. Coming Home arrived complete with 20 track sand appearances from Summer Walker, 21 Savage, HER, Latto, The-Dream, Burna Boy, Pheelz, and Jung Kook for a body of work that pulls from the best of Usher’s past to the present as a promise of good days to come in the future. “Coming Home is an ode to going back to your roots, whatever or wherever that may be,” Usher said about the album. “I’m Coming Home to where I’m comfortable in being exactly who I am right now.”

Tori Kelly – “High Water”

This spring, Tori Kelly will release her fifth album TORI., a project that delivers the full picture of a woman coming into her own. The rollout for it initially began with her 2023 EP tori and it continues with her resilient new single “High Water.” Speaking about the new single in a press release, Kelly said, “Now my hope is that [“high water”] will uplift others in whatever they might be going through and encourage them to keep going.”

T-Pain — “Dreaming”

T-Pain is in a bit of a resurgence at the moment and it’s in large part due to the success of his On Top of The Covers (Live From The Sun Rose) project. Coming off that, the beloved singer returns with the soaring “Dreaming” as his first release of 2024. T-Pain was inspired to release the song thanks to “all this new-found and rekindled T-Pain love all over the place,” so hopefully that means more is on the way.

Eric Bellinger — “Gang Slide” Feat. Mozzy

On March 1, Eric Bellinger will celebrate the 10th anniversary of The Rebirth with the release of the third installation, The Rebirth 3: The Party & The After Party. The latest single from that project pairs Bellinger with Mozzy as both artists share their desires to meet with a woman who they deeply desire a night with despite only interacting with them through Facetime.

Honey Bxby — “Fkn Him Too”

Everybody loves to watch some drama now and then and New Jersey singer Honey Bxby provides that with her new single “Fkn Him Too.” Led by a sample of SWV’s “I’m So Into You,” Honey Bxby boasts about sleeping with another woman’s man and makes it clear that she and the other woman in the question are sharing this man. Think of SZA’s “The Weekend,” but blunter and unapologetic.

Ye Ali — Ye Ali & Chill 3

For his first project in a couple of years, Ye Ali returns with a new installment in the Ye Ali & Chill series. The third installment delivers five songs in a highly collaborative effort thanks to appearances from Kenyon Dixon, Lyfe Harris, Dcmbr, Bleulilbaby, RyFy, and Arianna Reid. It’s that late-night music perfect for your romantic efforts, whatever they may be.

Taylor Belle — “Love Letters To Myself”

With Valentine’s Day just days away, LA singer Taylor Belle is making sure her listeners prioritize self-love over that from someone else with her new single. “Love Letters To Myself” captures the journey that brought Belle to this revelation while reflecting on the events that brought her to this point. All of it is driven by a chorus where she sings, “I’m writing love letters to myself, before I give them to anyone else.”

Eli Derby — “Her Type”

For his first release since his departure from LVRN, singer Eli Derby returns in a boastful mood with his new single “Her Type.” It’s a record he uses to show how perfect of a partner he is to the special woman in his life. His ability to treat her well, treat her to special gifts, and impress her with his ambitions are all things that play a role in him being “her type.”

Äyanna — “Girlfriend (London Girls Mix)” Feat. Tamera & Mnelia

LVRN signee Äyanna ended her 2023 year with the release of her In A Perfect World and now the East London and Jamaica native is back with a special remix of one of the project’s highlight songs. “Girlfriend” receives a “London Girls Mix” with new features from Mnelia and Tamera with the two girls adding a verse each to the song directed at a partner they want to make things official

Langston Bleu — “Fool’s Gold”

With Love Is A Luxury on the way, Atlanta singer Langston Bleu returns with the project’s second single “Fool’s Gold.” Co-written with country singer Brittney Spencer, the song captures the moment Bleu reached a breaking point with a lover. Questions about her intentions and disappointment about their relationship going to waste are the foundation of the song, and in the end, Langston walks away with a whole new outlook on the woman he once called his own.

Sakura — “California”

It appears that 2024 will be the year that Atlanta singer Sakura treats fans to new music and even a new project. Her return starts with her new single “California,” Sakura’s first release since her 2021 project Don’t Overthink It. The ethereal single finds Sakura admitting to being jealous of California and wishing that she could loved by her partner just as much as the West Coast state.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Female empowerment comes in many forms. Some people prefer to see the world explained through a Barbie-esque lens, while others identify more with tough female leads, like drug dealers and scammers. But what if you just want to feel empowered, as a woman, by punching people in the face? If you let that thought sit in your brain for three seconds you will realize it’s what you’ve been missing, and the solution is to watch Bottoms.

Bottoms is the beloved satirical comedy starring Bodies Bodies Bodies creator Rachel Sennott and Ireland’s honorary princess Ayo Edebiri as two gay teens who start a female “fight club” to meet their cheerleader crushes. NFL All-Pro running back Marshawn Lynch plays their teacher. There’s a student in a cage. It features acts of vandalism set to “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” Again, don’t think about it for too long, just understand what it is and that it will make you a better person if you watch it. And now you can!

After months of waiting, Bottoms is finally available for streaming on Amazon Prime. If you like the movie enough to throw money at it, you can also purchase the film on Amazon, YouTube, Vudu, and all of the other usual suspects.

While the movie was snubbed for Best Movie, Best Actress, Best Director, Best Cinematography, and Best Animated Feature (it’s live-action, but still), it still managed to become a hit amongst critics and hold a solid 90% rating on Rotton Tomatoes. It also landed on UPROXX’s Best Movies of 2023 list, so there’s some extra credibility there.