Alexandra Sabol is a writer and a mother of 3 in North Carolina who makes TikToks centered around cooking and raising her family. Many of her videos feature her giving a deadpan look while preparing meals that look a lot like those cooked in everyday American homes. But, sadly, the food just isn’t good enough for some self-righteous moms on TikTok.
(And that could be the exact reason why Alexandra is posting videos.)
In a video with over 3.3 million views, Alexandra filmed herself preparing a meal for her 1-year-old daughter that included 3 powdered donuts and an applesauce pouch. The video received a lot of negative feedback from other parents who shamed her for feeding her 1-year-old donuts as well as her appearance.
“Healthy and nutritious! Just like mom,” one user wrote. “No toast? No cereal? No fruit? Surely one of those options is better than those powdered donuts,” Miss Cheetah added. “Fruit would be just as cheap, maybe a dollar or 2 more expensive, but worth it for your child,” Aiden Stanley added.
Breakfast!
@alexbabii97 Breakfast! #platebreakfastwithme #breakfast #fyp #foryoupage #foryou #fypシ #fypシ゚viral
The mom- and-fat-shaming inspired other mothers to jump in and defend Alexandria. They shared how they also feed their kid the occasional donut and what’s most important is if the child is eating well and loved. The post also inspired a thoughtful TikTok of support from Bailey, a formerly sanctimonious mother, who defended Alexandra’s choices and admonished those who judged her.
She also pointed out the uncomfortable fact that women who don’t meet traditional beauty standards are likelier to be shamed online.
“I see creators on this app every single day who have a million or so followers and fit the traditional standard of beauty. They will make their kids junk. They will go spend $500-plus at the grocery store on mostly junk and no one says anything probably because they’re popular and they’re skinny,” Bailey said.
Let’s talk about the “donut mom.”
@bmcpher Let’s talk about the “donut mom.” #fyp #donutmom #momsoftiktok #parenting
“You have this woman that is not a widely known creator, is not a hundred pounds, and she’s getting shamed on a large scale getting shamed. I am just so terribly sorry for her,” she continued.
She added that she knows she shouldn’t feed her children processed foods, but it’s impossible to be perfect.
“I’m that mom, and yet, sometimes you know what [my daughter] eats? Cake pops, donuts, french fries, cookies because she deserves to live a little bit because sometimes, while it’s not the best, sometimes, moms, we’re not at our best. Sometimes, we lack a little bit,” she said.
Bailey then pointed out that the reactions to Alexandra’s video have more to do with the commenters’ lives than the mom they are shaming. She admitted that she understands how the commenters feel because she used to be that way before she was changed through her faith.
“I used to be one of those moms, in another life—pre-Jesus me—that would see that video and judge this mom,” she said. “I was unhappy in my life. I was unhappy living the life that I was living. In my marriage, in my home, in my parenting, I was not happy. So I had to use the few things that I did right to judge other moms.”
