“Miracles” singer Alex G has captured the ears and hearts of alternative music lovers everywhere. Along the way, he has graced our screens via NPR’s Tiny Desk concert series and television with appearances on CBS. Alex G has accomplished all these major feats while on an independent label (Domino).
But now, the musician is ready to take on the big leagues. Today (January 19), Alex G announced that he inked a new record deal with RCA. Supporters are dying to know when his major label debut will hit streaming services. Well, until then, what has been confirmed is Alex G’s touring plans.
In addition to supporting Foo Fighters on the road this summer, Alex G has a set tour of his own, which includes an appearance at Governors Ball 2024. View Alex G’s full tour schedule below. Presale for Alex G’s solo tour dates will begin on Tuesday, January 23, at 10 a.m. local time. The general sale will launch on Friday, January 26 at 10 a.m. local time. Find more information here.
Alex G 2024 Tour Dates
06/07 — New York City, NY @ Governors Ball
08/06 — San Diego, CA @ SOMA ~
08/07 — San Diego, CA @ Petco Park *
08/09 — Anaheim, CA @ House of Blues ~
08/11 — Los Angeles, CA @ BMO Stadium *
08/12 — Santa Cruz, CA @ The Catalyst ~
08/13 — Sacramento, CA @ Ace of Spades ~
08/15 — Eugene, OR @ McDonald Theatre ~
08/16 — Portland, OR @ Providence Park *
08/17 — Spokane, WA @ Knitting Factory ~
08/18 — Seattle, WA @ T-Mobile Park *
08/20 — Boise, ID @ Knitting Factory ~
08/21 — Salt Lake City, UT @ TBA
08/22 — Las Vegas, NV @ House of Blues ~
The Utah Jazz looked like they might be in contention for a high lottery pick in this summer’s NBA Draft when they got off to a 7-16 start this season. Front office sharks were circling the Jazz, hoping to pick off useful veterans at the trade deadline, and there were even rumblings about teams hoping to land star forward Lauri Markkanen if Utah was going to pull the plug and enter a full-on rebuild.
However, since then the Jazz have gone 15-5, including a recent 6-game win streak that included wins over the Sixers, Bucks, and Nuggets in succession. Utah has been one of the league’s best offenses over their hot streak, boasting a 121.7 ORtg (5th in the NBA) over the last 15 games. They’ve also raised their level on defense with a 113.2 DRtg (10th in the NBA) in that same stretch. Only the Celtics and Cavaliers have managed to be top-10 in offensive and defensive rating over their last 15 games like the Jazz, and Utah has gone from being a potential fire sale candidate to a potential buyer at the deadline.
Getting Markkanen back on the floor after he missed some time has helped, as he’s once again playing at an incredibly high level, backing up his All-Star campaign a year ago with averages of 24.0 points and 8.8 rebounds per game on 49.7/39.7/87.5 shooting splits this season. However, what has really allowed the Jazz to finally find their groove is improved play from their backcourt.
Early in the season, Utah was just not getting anything consistent from their guards, and as such there wasn’t a great flow to their offense. However, when the Jazz moved Collin Sexton into the starting lineup for an injured Jordan Clarkson in mid-December, the team took off. Their 15-5 run has coincided with Sexton becoming a starter, and Clarkson has returned to the sixth man role he has thrived in for many years. That shift was one Will Hardy wasn’t sure he wanted to make, but circumstances called for it and the result has been a rejuvenated Jazz team, with Hardy noting Sexton’s play has taught him a lot about coaching without leaning on preconceived notions of what a player is from past teams.
In the Jazz starting lineup, Sexton is enjoying the best stretch of basketball of his career, averaging 21.9 points, 4.8 assists, and just 1.6 turnovers per game on 52.2/41.5/90.8 shooting splits. What he provides this Utah team is an element of rim pressure they simply don’t get from anyone else. Clarkson is a terrific scorer, but with the spacing the Jazz have in their starting lineup, Sexton’s ability and willingness to attack downhill relentlessly puts immense pressure on defenses — take his 30-point performance against the Pacers on Monday, where he got two feet in the paint consistently.
With Sexton in the starting lineup, Hardy has made some adjustments to help open up those driving lanes and create tough decisions for defenses. Walker Kessler, who is not a three-point threat, now stations himself in the corner fairly regularly, daring his man to sink to the paint to provide help on a driver. That creates a runway for Kessler to cut to the rim and finish lobs like he would from the dunker’s spot, but makes the read easier for the guard by putting the defender in more space and making them make a decision quicker. He’s also moved Simone Fontecchio into the starting lineup alongside Sexton, putting another three-point threat on the floor to open things up, while moving Clarkson and rookie Keyonte George to the bench unit.
All of the strings Hardy has pulled of late have been working, and the Jazz have gone from a group that appeared aimless to a legitimate threat as a Play-In team in the West, vaulting into ninth at 22-21, just 2.5 games back of the 6-seed. How they proceed from here as an organization will be fascinating. A year ago they sold at the deadline in a similar position, but with a less enticing Draft this year (and clearly no chance of getting into the tank race with how bad the bottom of the league is), they could very well become buyers or at the least let this group play it out and see how far they can go.
Where do the Jazz find themselves in this week’s DIME Power Rankings? Let’s find out…
TIER I: The Contenders
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1. Boston Celtics (32-9, Last week: 1)
2. Minnesota Timberwolves (30-11, Last week: 3)
3. Oklahoma City Thunder (28-13, Last week: 2)
4. Los Angeles Clippers (26-14, Last week: 4)
5. Denver Nuggets (28-14, Last week: 5)
6. Milwaukee Bucks (28-13, Last week: 6)
7. Philadelphia 76ers (26-13, Last week: 7)
Last week I broke this group up and put the Celtics by themselves and they promptly got beat by the Bucks so badly TNT switched to showing a different game. Lesson learned, even if Boston still looks like the class of the league overall, and this week we bring them all back together. These look like the seven most complete teams in the NBA, even if there are lingering questions that need to be answered come playoff time for almost all of them. Boston bounced back from that Bucks loss to beat up on a soft spot in the schedule and Minnesota’s back on track with four straight wins to move back into the second spot. OKC beat the aforementioned red-hot Jazz on Thursday to end a short skid, while the Clippers just keep winning. Philly got the best of Denver in a clash of MVP bigs this week that was one of the games of the year so far this season, but both teams look the part so long as Jokic and Embiid are on the floor. Milwaukee looked like a buzzsaw for most of the last week before a 40-point loss to Cleveland, as they can’t help but have one performance every week or so that keeps you from fully buying in on them.
TIER II: Playoff Hopefuls
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8. Cleveland Cavaliers (24-15, Last week: 12)
9. New Orleans Pelicans (25-17, Last week: 8)
10. New York Knicks (25-17, Last week: 11)
11. Miami Heat (24-17, Last week: 14)
12. Dallas Mavericks (24-18, Last week: 13)
13. Indiana Pacers (24-17, Last week: 10)
14. Phoenix Suns (22-18, Last week: 16)
15. Sacramento Kings (23-18, Last week: 9)
The gap between this tier and the next is closing steadily, as the middle of the playoff race in both conferences is heating up. The Cavs are scorching right now and have vaulted into fourth alone in the East, as they’ve gone back to embracing the three-ball and playing with more pace, which has opened up the floor and seen their offense take off. The Pelicans are likewise rolling offensively, while the Knicks are getting it done with defense since bringing in OG Anunoby. Miami and Dallas haven’t been making a ton of headlines, but just steadily roll up wins and keep themselves firmly in the top-6 race in their conferences. Indiana picked up a surprising win over Sacramento without Tyrese Haliburton or the newly acquired Pascal Siakam, who is expected to make his debut in Portland this weekend as they look to establish themselves as a real threat in the East. Phoenix appears to be on the upswing again as they get more reps with their full big three on the floor, as they get more comfortable playing together by the game, while the Kings are in a slide with four straight losses that have pushed them into a Play-In spot for now.
TIER III: The Play-In Chase
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16. Utah Jazz (22-21, Last week: 18)
17. Orlando Magic (22-19, Last week: 15)
18. Los Angeles Lakers (21-21, Last week: 19)
19. Houston Rockets (19-21, Last week: 17)
20. Chicago Bulls (20-23, Last week: 20)
The Jazz finally had their winning streak snapped by the Thunder, but there’s no shame in that and even in a loss their offense continues to impress. Orlando has not been able to recapture the (pardon the pun) magic they had early in the season, and they’re a candidate to take a swing at the deadline to try and get some more backcourt help. The Lakers seem to have stabilized things a bit and climbed back to .500 this week, but trade rumors continue to swirl in L.A. and it seems likely that a roster shakeup is on the horizon. Houston’s home/road split continues to be outrageous, as they went 1-5 on their road trip through the East with a lone win in Detroit. The good news is they’re back at home for three in a row coming up. Chicago hasn’t been stringing wins together of late, but they are staying afloat in the Play-In race in the East, thanks in large part to a breakout year from Coby White.
TIER IV: In The Mud
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21. Golden State Warriors (18-22, Last week: 21)
22. Atlanta Hawks (17-23, Last week: 24)
23. Toronto Raptors (16-26, Last week: 25)
24. Memphis Grizzlies (15-26, Last week: 22)
25. Brooklyn Nets (16-24, Last week: 23)
The Warriors are off until at least Wednesday as they grieve the sudden, tragic death of assistant coach Dejan Milojevic, as that takes precedence over anything on the court. The Hawks have won two in a row amid rumors that Dejounte Murray is a near lock to be traded by the deadline, and how they reshape this roster in the coming weeks will be fascinating to see. Toronto has finally picked its direction with the Siakam and Anunoby trades and can begin building around Scottie Barnes in full. Memphis’ injury report would be a really solid starting five and it’s just tough for them to hang on a nightly basis right now, but they do have some fun young players getting valuable experience that could benefit them long-term. The Nets are 1-9 in their last 10 and are in desperate need of some changes as it’s pretty clear this roster just doesn’t have it — Nic Claxton is really good, though, on a positive note.
TIER V: Tank Generals
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26. Portland Trail Blazers (11-29, Last week: 26)
27. San Antonio Spurs (7-33, Last week: 28)
28. Charlotte Hornets (8-30, Last week: 27)
29. Detroit Pistons (4-37, Last week: 30)
30. Washington Wizards (7-33, Last week: 29)
After losing to the Pistons, the Wizards have earned the 30th spot for this week. The Spurs don’t beat many teams but they do absolutely bludgeon the three bottom teams in the East when they get the opportunity, so they move up after destroying the Hornets this week. Portland can be frisky some nights and others they lose by 62.
Lizzo kept a relatively low profile in 2023. The Special Tour took up the first half of her year, but beyond that, she felt less present than she did in 2022, when she released her latest album, Special. (Of course, also in 2023 were those harassment lawsuits.) Speaking of albums, it’s been about a year and a half since her last one, but can fans expect a new LP soon?
Is Lizzo releasing a new album in 2024?
At the moment, no new Lizzo album has been announced for 2024. But, she’s definitely at least working on new music.
On Instagram yesterday (January 18), Lizzo shared a video of herself singing into a microphone, although the audio is muted. Sound returns, though, when Lizzo tells somebody off-camera, “I felt like Gwen Stefani in the ’90s on that one.” Lizzo also captioned the post, “To my dearest lizzo fans, the magic is back.”
Meanwhile, back in November, Lizzo noted in a different post, “Hi. I’m working.. on music, myself, relationships with people and food, my anxiety, my body, my business, and my trust issues with the world.. but they are deep now, deeper than they’ve ever been. Xoxo.”
Lizzo had a good start to her 2024: Her HBO concert special Lizzo: Live In Concert was nominated for an Emmy, for Outstanding Variety Special (Pre-Recorded). It didn’t win, but Lizzo was pumped just to be considered, as she shared on Instagram ahead of the show, “NAH IMA TALK MY SH*T… OUT OF 100s OF CONCERT SPECIALS THE EMMYS CHOSE MINE FOR OUTSTANDING VARIETY SPECIAL– ITS AN HONOR TO BE NOMINATED TONIGHT WITH LEGENDS! And to my SPECIAL TOUR FAMILY! THANK YOU– WE HAD A LIFE-CHANGING EXPERIENCE THAT *NO ONE* CAN TAKE AWAY FROM US.”
Lizzo is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
The Philadelphia Extended Universe features a lot of great shows, like It’s Always Sunny, Abbott Elementary, and every M. Night Shyamalan project ever. And Mark Ruffalo is heading to the city of Brotherly Love in his upcoming series Task.
Ruffalo will star as a “complicated” good guy FBI agent in the upcoming series Task from Mare of Easttown creator Brad Ingelsby and Jeremiah Zagarand. Of his character, Ruffalo told Deadline that he’s “badly damaged but fighting for good.” This can be said about most Philadelphia residents and sports teams.
The Poor Things actor also jokes that Task is in the “same universe” as Mare Of Eastown, which means that he could receive a visit from everyone’s favorite Wawa enthusiast, Philadelphia Detective Mare Sheehan, Kate Winslet.
“At some point those two might run into each other in the future, that’s what they’re saying. It’s not set, nothing’s set,” he adds, presumably joking. But you really never know with the guy.
Could Kate Winslet pick up the vape once again? It seems unlikely. The actress has been open about how hard the character was for her. “I can’t just go, ‘Oh yes, let’s just do it again.‘ It’s a colossal, colossal commitment and did really take a huge amount out of me. And I know it would do that again, it would have to, if I was going to give people what they want and ultimately deserve, to see out of Mare Sheehan. You never know.” For now, we will have to settle for hearing Ruffalo’s Philly accent.
Music festival season is off to an eventful start. Following Brandi Carlile’s extensive time on the road this past summer alongside Pink, she’s back and ready to dazzle fans with even more live shows. Atop her list of in-person commitments is the “Broken Horses” singer’s Girls Just Wanna Festival.
The multi-day program at Mexico’s Barceló Maya Resort kicked off on January 18 with a headlining set from Carlile. With three days remaining, quite a few notable performances are still slated to go down. The remaining performers include Janelle Monáe, Sarah McLachlan, Celisse, and more. Continue to view the set times for Brandi Carlile’s Girls Just Wanna Festival.
On Friday, January 19, the marquee performances will begin with KT Tunstall at 5 p.m. local time. Celisse will follow shortly after 8:30 p.m. local time. Janelle Monáe’s headlining set will start promptly at 10 p.m. local time.
For Saturday, January 20, attendees should expect main-stage performances from The Titans of Americana at 7 p.m. local time. Sarah McLachlan will hit the stage at 8:30 p.m. An unnamed special guest is set to close the festivities on January 20.
Closing out the musical performances on Sunday, January 21, Lucius, Ladies of the 80s, and Lucius’ Hot Tub Time Machine are the confirmed closing acts.
You can check out the full setlist below.
Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
Pablo Schreiber may have rocked a pornstache in Orange is the New Black where he played a pervy prison guard, but the actor is firmly on board with Halo fans who want to see the Paramount+ series stay as chaste as possible.
Season 1 featured a controversial sex scene between Schreiber’s Master Chief and Charlie Murphy’s Makee that sparked an intense backlash on social media. Ahead of the Season 2 premiere, Schreiber has revealed that he actually fought to stop the scene to no avail, which he considers a “huge mistake.” A term he used not once, but twice in a new interview.
“The decision to make the connection between Makee and John a romantic connection was a huge mistake,” Schreiber told SFX Magazine. “I felt it was a huge mistake at the time and I argued against it and fought against it. But I am who I am. I don’t write the scripts. I only give my opinion. It wasn’t listened to.”
As to why Halo fans reacted so strongly to Master Chief doing it, gaming site Kotaku breaks it down:
Fans of the show couldn’t believe how much producers Kiki Wolfkill and Steven Spielberg deviated from the source material, posting memes and expressing discontent with Master Chief losing his virginity. It was pretty tame, all things considered, with implied coitus by way of smash cuts instead of anything graphic. You don’t get to see any real steamy action between the two characters, save for some passionate kisses and touches. Though many viewers were angry about the deviations from Master Chief’s characterization (the man would never f*ck in the video games), others pointed out that sketchiness of the relationship in question, considering Makee was, essentially, a prisoner of war.
So, basically, if the space guy doesn’t get laid in the game, he shouldn’t get laid on the show, and Pablo Schreiber agrees so much that he’s publicly throwing the show’s producers under the bus in interviews. What a time to be alive.
The last new episode of HBO‘s Euphoria aired in February 2022, back when Max was still HBO Max. What a time to be alive. Since then, much of the cast — including Sydney Sweeney, Jacob Elordi, and Hunter Schafer — has gone to become acclaimed movie stars (Zendaya, who has a big year ahead of her, already was one). What does that mean for season three of the Emmy-winning high school-set show? There’s a lot we don’t know, but here’s what we do.
Below, you’ll find information about season three, including the plot, cast, and release date for HBO’s second most-watched show of the past 20 years, behind only Game of Thrones. Euphoria is also “the most-tweeted about TV show of the decade so far” in the United States. It really has been awhile: they were still called tweets at the time of the season two finale.
Plot
Will Zendaya and Jacob Elordi be the least convincing high school students (age-wise) since Stockard Channing and Jeff Conaway in Grease? Probably not. “I hope it’s soon,” the tall SNL host and Priscilla star told Jimmy Fallon when asked about when the show will resume filming, “or they’re going to have to Benjamin Button me or something.” He added, “I’m assuming that we’ll have to go forward, otherwise it’s going to seem like a weird bit.”
Creator Sam Levinson hasn’t said much about the plot for season three, other than he sees it as a “film noir” and that he wants to “explore what it means to be an individual with principles in a corrupt world.”
Meanwhile, Zendaya (who is also a producer for the show and will “probably” direct an episode) is excited to “explore the characters out of high school. I want to see what Rue looks like in her sobriety journey, how chaotic that might look.” She continued, “But also with all the characters, in the sense where they’re trying to figure out what to do with their lives when high school is over and what kind of people they want to be. What was special about this season was that we got to dive into [the other characters] in a much deeper sense. I think we can do that again with the third season. There’s so much talent, you want to make sure everybody has the chance to have that.”
Cast
One of the challenges for season three is working around the cast’s busy schedules. But assuming HBO can work its magic (otherwise, don’t expect many scenes with multiple characters in the same shot), Zendaya, Sydney Sweeney, Hunter Schafer, Alexa Demie, Sydney Sweeney, Maude Apatow, Jacob Elordi, Storm Reid, Austin Abrams, Nika King, Eric Dane, and Colman Domingo (who joked season three will be set in a nursing home) will star in the new season. The cast members who won’t return are Angus Cloud, who tragically passed away from an overdose last year, and Barbie Ferreira, who left the show because she didn’t want to play “the fat best friend.” It also sounds like Dominic Fike won’t be back (although maybe?).
Release Date
HBO boss Casey Bloys confirmed that Euphoria season three will premiere in 2025, along with The Last of Us season two, The White Lotus season three (featuring Carrie Coon and Walton Goggins!), and the It prequel, Welcome to Derry. If it’s like the previous seasons, there will be eight episodes.
Trailer
There’s no trailer, but here’s a helpful recap of season two:
HBO’s True Detective: Night Country might make you feel even chillier that you already do during these ongoing arctic blasts. Still, it’s almost guaranteed that Jodie Foster (Chief Liz Danvers) and Kali Reis’ (Trooper Evangeline Navarro) hardened investigators are even more over this sh*t than you are. Foster, for her part, insisted that she loved filming in Iceland, but her character is far more disillusioned about everything in life.
Furthermore, showrunner Issa López is taking Nic Pizzolato’s baby back to its supernatural-tinged roots, and although this show does not have dragons, this is still a case of HBO dominating the event-TV circuit.
When Will ‘True Detective’ Season 4, Episode 2 Arrive?
Whether you are streaming the series or watching it old-fashioned style on premium cable, the Part 2 episode will arrive on Sunday, January 21 at 9:00pm EST. As the season premiere suggested, these episodes will not be for the faint of heart, and viewer discretion is fully advised before watching this installment. Even Ennis, Alaska will be gore-shook before the evening is over.
The full Night Country season runs six episodes and co-stars John Hawkes, Finn Bennett, Christopher Eccleston, and Fiona Shaw. Bundle up, crank up the fireplace, and start building your theories around how Danvers and Navarro will solve this case, hopefully before they kill each other. Happy viewing, y’all.
The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.
REMEMBER HIS ANSWER TO MY STUPID DAIRY QUEEN QUESTION?
MAYBE NOT
MAYBE ONLY I DO
BUT HERE IT IS
In season four of Justified, before things all start going sideways, Boyd develops this plan to get out of crime and go legit. And his plan involves opening a Dairy Queen franchise. Do you think Boyd Crowder would have been a successful Dairy Queen franchise owner?
I think he would have been a very successful Dairy Queen franchise owner, very successful. And that episode in particular, it’s very … All of this shit is very personal to me. I’m a poor kid from Georgia. We’re divided on a lot of things in this country. The one thing that a lot of us aren’t divided on is poverty. And for me, Boyd Crowder was what I wanted to say about rural America and my version of it. And that for him, there was a glass ceiling, and he couldn’t break it. And all he ever wanted was that, was the ability to escape a life that he came from, and to be somebody, and to be respected in a different way, and not through fear and intimidation.
With my story, I participated in kind of all of it. And I said, “We got to say this, man.” Because there was a dude in my hometown whose dad had four Dairy Queen franchises, and he made it. He was a success. And so, to answer your question, as fastidious as Boyd Crowder was, and as great of a compartmentalizer as he was… yeah, I think you would have seen Dairy Queens popping up in places that you never anticipated.
MAKE THAT SHOW
WALTON GOGGINS AS A RUTHLESS DAIRY QUEEN OWNER
I AM NOT JOKING
DO IT AFTER THE WHITE LOTUS
AND AFTER THE FARGO SEASON I WANT NOW
OR MAYBE MAKE THAT HIS ROLE IN FARGO
MURDEROUS DQ FRANCHISE OWNER
PUTTING HIS ENEMIES INTO THE BLIZZARD MACHINE MAYBE
DOING THE MINNESOTA ACCENT
I DON’T KNOW
I CAN BE FLEXIBLE
A LITTLE
AS LONG AS GOGGINS IS IN THE SHOW
EVERY SHOW
PUT HIM IN THERE
ALL OF YOU
LISTEN TO ME
THANK YOU
ITEM NUMBER TWO – It stinks that Rhea Seehorn does not have an Emmy
AMC
What we have here is another one of those situations where two things can be true at the same time…
The first thing is that awards are dumb, especially when they’re handed out for art. You can’t apply an objective signifier of merit to something that subjective. It just doesn’t work. At least with sports you can look at statistics to help back up your argument. But with television shows or movies or music it just… doesn’t work. What you end up with is a combination of groupthink and a popularity contest and, yes, this is my way of pointing out how silly it is that Better Call Saul — and Rhea Seehorn, specifically — never won an Emmy in its entire run. It’s so stupid it should make me angry but it’s also too stupid to waste energy getting angry about. Rhea Seehorn doesn’t need a trophy to signify how awesome she was as Kim Wexler on that show. She just… was, whether some doofs in a room thought so or not.
But that brings up to the second thing, which is that… I’m still bummed she doesn’t have an Emmy. Not because she needs one to validate her performance. More because, like, 20 years from now, when everyone has forgotten who she lost to and most of the plot points of the wonderful show she was on, it would be nice for her to have it on a shelf when company comes over just so they can be like “Wait… you have an Emmy?” That would be cool. That’s all. Rhea deserves that. Just because other people find value in that. Aaaaand now I’m mad again. Dammit.
Of course, the awards are not supposed to be everything. They’re not always a meritocracy. People who are great don’t always get them, or people you didn’t think were great do. I’ve never seen anybody nominated in my category and thought, “That’s ridiculous!” The snub thing is weird because who were you replacing if you were snubbed, right? There’s just a lot of great work out there. You do get hopeful. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I wondered what it would be like to get nominated. And then the press, critics, and fans start also saying they’re waiting for the 7 a.m. announcement on nomination day. Then you don’t get it, so you just say, “Okay, guess I’ll go back to making my oatmeal now.” So you sort of let it go. It became a dance of being afraid of being hopeful, but the letters of love for my performances that were coming in without even getting nominated felt amazing. I was overjoyed this year, but I was touched by the outpouring of other people being so excited.
I still think she should have some trophies. I will make her one if it will help.
ITEM NUMBER THREE – New Shane Black alert
HBO/Warner Bros
Ayyyyyy here’s some cool news: Shane Black, the writer-director behind Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and The Nice Guys, has a new movie in the works based on one of the Parker books by Donald Westlake. It’s called Play Dirty and it’s set to star Mark Wahlberg and LaKeith Stanfield and, presumably, a wise-cracking teen and/or lady, just because that’s what Shane Black does. Here’s the description.
An adaptation of Donald E. Westlake’s Parker novels, the feature stars Wahlberg as the hardened professional thief who is, naturally, double-crossed and left for dead. His hunt for revenge, however, brings with it a shot at the biggest heist of his career. But, per the studio, even with the help of his partner, an actor-slash-con artist named Grofield, he’ll still need to outsmart a South American dictator, the New York mob and the world’s richest man if he hopes to stay alive.
Great. Grand. Lovely. Just three little notes…
— I wish he were making another Nice Guys movie instead, only because I loved that goofy little box office bomb
— I wish he were adapting Westlake’s Dortmunder novels instead of this Parker one, only because those are sillier and more fun and seem like something he could have a blast with
— The last time Parker was adapted for the big screen was in a 2013 movie starring Jason Statham and Jennifer Lopez and, I’m sorry, Mark Wahlberg simply cannot compete with Statham in a cowboy hat.
FILMDISTRICT
That said… I’ll still see it.
ITEM NUMBER FOUR – I adore the chaotic Renee Rapp press tour
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I have yet to see the new Mean Girls musical. I suspect I’ll see it eventually. I loved the original and I think Tina Fey is a genius and I like things that are fun, even if I am not a big musical guy, generally. But I really do not see how the film itself can top the press tour its star, Renee Rapp, is currently conducting, simply from an entertainment standpoint.
Rapp plays Regina George in the film — reprising her role from the stage production — and she appears to be bringing all of that energy to the publicity events for it. Go click around and examine. Here’s a nice little roundup to get you started.
Seriously, look at this. Look at her taking up valuable studio time meant for plugging a big-budget musical remake of a beloved film to instead take a flamethrower to some tour bus driver named Buddy who was mean to her friends.
Look at her proudly declaring herself ageist in an interview with Andy Cohen that went off the rails so fast it makes you wonder if it was ever on them to begin with.
I should be offended by Reneé Rapp proudly saying she’s ageist but it’s just too funny I’m laughing instead pic.twitter.com/T6x0di0e1K
Let’s get Renee Rapp in a Shane Black movie as soon as possible
Maybe with Goggins.
ITEM NUMBER FIVE – What are we doing here?
ABC
Okay, look. There’s no easy way to say this. Let’s just come right out and get it over with: There’s a new game show based on Chuck E. Cheese in the works. People are describing it as “like Squid Game,” which suggests to me that they have not actually seen Squid Game. Here is the official description via The Hollywood Reporter.
“The format will feature stand-alone comedic physical challenges where duos of ‘big kids’ (aka adults) will compete over supersized arcade games — including pinball, air hockey, alley roller and the human claw. The top ticket earning duo will get the chance to exchange their tickets for prizes off the massive version of the iconic Chuck E. Cheese prize wall.”
Which… I don’t know. Great? Fine? I’m all over the place with it. I see why it’s happening between the brand recognition and Five Nights at Freddy’s of it all, but… like…
If we are doing this, why can’t I have another season of Holey Moley? You do realize there was no new season at all in 2023, right? And that, in the last episode that aired, some of the most incredible things I’ve ever seen on television happened? That the Muppets kidnapped NBA All-Star Stephen Curry? That a woman named Kathy delivered an athletic performance for the ages? That it was America’s finest television program.
I mean, come on.
ABC
No giant pizza rat could ever compete with this. Put me in charge of television. I’ll fix things real fast. This is step one. There’s no step two yet. We’ll figure that out later.
READER MAIL
If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.
From Dustin:
Just finished Fargo, and perhaps you’ve already thought of this, but Roy Tillman in Fargo is essentially the same role for Jon Hamm as Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne in Kimmy Schmidt. Thank you and have a blessed day.
I appreciate this note for two reasons, in addition to the thing where it made me giggle at my desk when I read it, both of which we can get to quickly…
NUMBER TWO: It allows me to share this screencap I made from the finale, which will be very useful for me in various group chats with my friends going forward.
Guinness World Records (GWR) said on Tuesday it was conducting a formal review of the “world’s oldest dog” title it gave to a Portuguese dog named Bobi who died last year. The move follows complaints by veterinarians who raised doubts over his age.
DOG FRAUD
Bobi, who died in October last year, was declared the world’s oldest dog in February.
Bobi’s breed, traditionally used as sheepdogs, has a normal life expectancy of 12-14 years.
This dog’s owner said he lived to be 31. That’s crazy. It gets better. Look at what the owner said when the investigation was announced.
Bobi’s owner, Leonel Costa, said in a statement on Tuesday that after his dog’s death, “an elite within the veterinary world … tried to give people the idea that Bobi’s life story was not true.”
AN ELITE WITH THE VETERINARY WORLD
A GLOBAL CONSPIRACY
BUT WHY
I AM GLAD YOU ASKED
According to Costa, some veterinarians were upset because he attributed Bobi’s longevity to factors including a steady diet of “human food” rather than pet food, which he said was often recommended by those in the sector.
YES
HUMAN FOOD
GIVE YOUR DOG PIZZA
IT WILL LIVE FOREVER
“Everything would be different if we had said he (Bobi) ate pet food for three decades,” Costa said, adding that all requirements requested by the GWR were met.
Three notes in conclusion:
I love Bobi
I’m having a lot of fun picturing the elite veterinarians of the world meeting in shadowy rooms to discuss the global conspiracy to kill the world’s dogs in their teens by refusing to let them eat people food
There’s emo. Then there is “Problems” musician Ekkstacy. As one of punk’s freshest faces, Ekkstacy quickly recruited a cult following. With his self-titled album out today (January 19), the full scope of his musical prowess is out for display. Across the body of work, Ekkstacy keeps the features limited to just two acts.
On “Alright,” Ekkstacy joins forces with The Kid Laroi for what is sure to be an overthinker’s anthem. The track, co-produced by Apob and Manget$u, gives both artists the floor to indulge in a full-on session of self-loathing.
“I don’t, don’t know where I am / Don’t know where I’ve been / And I can’t stand the place that I’m in / I’m back here again / I guess it’s alright, these things happen / And I don’t care,” sings Ekkstacy.
While Ekkstacy keeps the root of his depression secret, The Kid Laroi lays it all out in his verse. “I was on my way home when I got your message / It’s a page long, and you’re obsessing / About this other girl that you done heard I done met / But you’re the one that broke it off, I don’t know why you’re upset / You said that if there was a chance for us, it’s never again / Oh, well, I guess it was meant to end,” sings Laroi.
Prepare your tissues and listen to Ekkstacy’s new single, “Alright,” featuring The Kid Laroi above.
Ekkstacy is out now via UnitedMasters. Find more information here.
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(@JoePassmore) 
