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Whether it’s a traffic stop that turns into “We smell something in your car” or a “driving while black” situation, you have rights when you’re pulled over, and it’s for the best if you actually use them.

So how does this work, anyway?

Well, you have rights when you’re pulled over. These have been established via case law, and ultimately, some stem from the Constitution itself. In order, here are the magic phrases, along with some graphics to help you remember.

1. “Am I free to go?”

In any situation involving the police, you can ask this question. Some people ask it slightly differently: “Am I being detained?”—which is a version of the same question. Basically, if they’ve got nothing on you, they have to let you go. If they answer no to that question, you are in fact not free to go. In that case, you are suspected of doing something, and it’s their job to try to get you to admit to it or to say a bit too much and incriminate yourself.

2. “I do not consent to any searches.”

One of the trickiest things that some law enforcement folks try is to talk you into letting them search your vehicle—or house, for that matter. “So if you haven’t done anything, then you’re ok with us searching your car … right? I mean, if you’re innocent. We’ll go easier on you if you let us.” Do NOT give up your rights that easily. Are you certain your buddy didn’t leave a bag of weed in the glove box? Are you sure your boyfriend took his target pistol out of the trunk after he went to practice shooting the other day? Are you absolutely certain that the body in your trunk was removed and buried in that farm fiel … whoops. Did I say that last one out loud?! The point is, don’t give up your rights easily. And believe me, cops are gooooood at trying to play psychological games. Which leads to #3.

3. “I want to remain silent.”

You have that right, and if things start getting thick, you need to use it. “We clocked you going 60 in a 50, but when you opened your window to give us your license, we smelled marijuana.” The correct answer to something like this is, “I want to remain silent.” The temptation is to say, “Yeah, my buddy and I smoked in my car this morning but I wasn’t driving, blah blah blah”—but then you’re already nailed. Time for them to get the dogs and search. Congratulations, you’re on your way to the pokey for the night.

4. “I want a lawyer.”

If you’ve reach this particular point, then you’re in deep doodoo anyway, so go ahead and ask for one, and say nothing until he or she arrives. Remember these four things. It will be hard in the moment, with your adrenaline pumping, your freedom in question, and when you’re possibly in physical danger, depending on the cops involved and your skin color.

“Am I free to go?”

“I do not consent to any searches.”

“I want to remain silent.”

“I want a lawyer.”

Perhaps a word involving the first letter of the four statements will help you remember: FoSSiL (Free, Searches, Silent, Lawyer)

Or maybe a mnemonic:

— Fiscal Suns Scramble Lives

— Fresh Sushi Smell Lemons

— Flexible Straws Sell Lobsters

— Free Subjects Steam Lobsters

The clip below is a shortened version of a much longer one that explains your rights, detailing what you can and cannot do in these situations.

This article was written by Brandon Weber and originally appeared on 09.12.17

There are a lot of hard things about living with Crohn’s disease. Not being able to talk about it might be the worst one.

Imagine being constantly tired, but in a way that even 15 hours of sleep a day can’t cure. Imagine going to dinner, but every time you eat something as simple as a roll of warm bread, it feels like it might’ve had broken glass inside of it.

Then, it’s time to go to the bathroom. Again. Is that the fifth time this hour or the sixth? You’ve lost track. It’s a running joke now — your friends think it’s funny, but nobody really talks about what happens when you step away. Because, really, you look fine. Just tired.

Crohn’s, as defined by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, is “a condition of chronic inflammation potentially involving any location of the gastrointestinal tract.” But as defined by myself, someone with Crohn’s, it’s like having food poisoning all the time. The symptoms and presentation are different for every patient, but one thing is the same for all: It’s an invisible illness, and it sucks.

And let’s face it. Talkin’ about your poop is taboo.

A little privacy, please?

Well, unless you’re Krystal Miller.

Stumble over to her Facebook page, Bag Lady Mama, and nearly every post has a reference to doing the doo.

Krystal, who lives in Perth, Australia, has Crohn’s. She was first diagnosed at 15 years old, and by 22, most of her intestinal tract had been badly damaged by the disease. At that point, doctors decided to remove large portions of her large and small intestines.

For the last decade, she’s been living with a permanent ileostomy, a surgically made opening in the abdominal wall that connects the lower intestine to an ostomy bag.

Now, at 32, she’s sharing her daily experiences through Facebook.

Her posts show raw insight into her world. They’re unapologetically blunt, they’re full of curse words, and they’re gaining traction — quickly.

In an interview with Upworthy, Krystal said she expected to have a few hundred Likes on her page within a month or two of launching it, mostly from close friends who knew about her life with Crohn’s. But since it launched Jan. 25, it’s reached more than 13,000 Likes.

“I did expect it to reach Europe and America because I have international friends,” she said. “But I never expected for it to be as expansive as it has been. It’s crazy — I actually got recognized at my local shops the other day!”

Her photos show off her day-to-day life with her two children, Lukas, 4, and Arabella, five months, and her husband, Shannon. Each is filled with her unabashed love for her body.

Scars, bag, and the ostomy itself are all on display in the hopes that she can help remove some of the stigma around Crohn’s and what life with the disease is like.

It’s not a comfortable thing to live with physically or socially. It took years before Krystal was willing to open up about it.

“When I was first diagnosed, I was very uncomfortable. I would be in-tears uncomfortable if someone had to go to the toilet after me. … And when you’re young, it’s embarrassing and it’s pretty f*cking horrific. It’s been slow progress , but I just kind of got sick of caring. Like, who gives a f*ck, it is what it is, I can’t do anything about it.“

She would go to extreme lengths to cover up the symptoms of the disease, especially when using public restrooms. But she credits the surgery that removed her rectum with alleviating a lot of that embarrassment as well. Once her permanent ostomy was in place, many of her symptoms were alleviated, and her experiences with “number 2” became more matter-of-fact than anything else.

“It’s been slow progress , but I just kind of got sick of caring. Like, who gives a f*ck, it is what it is, I can’t do anything about it.”

From there, it became about reclaiming her sexiness and self-confidence, which started with revisiting how she looked at herself.

“When we look at other women, we don’t see the same flaws that we see in ourself. And I’ve had to retrain myself to see myself the way others might see me, to not notice the finer intricacies that I see on myself. Other people don’t see the sh*t that we see.”

But she hasn’t stopped there. She also posts fashion tips for other women with Crohn’s and shares advice on how to dress the way you want while still being comfortable with a bag.

Krystal does have one thing she wants to say to other people who have Crohn’s and other IBDs: It’s not always going to be easy, and that’s OK.

“We have earned that right to f*cking hate the world,” she said. “We are entitled to f*cking be angry and to be sad and to have bad days. If you need to feel sorry for yourself, then feel sorry for yourself. But then pick yourself up and keep going.”

This article originally appeared on 04.04.16

What if a cat could predict when someone was going to die?

That’s exactly what Oscar the therapy cat became known for at Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in Providence, Rhode Island. In fact, geriatrician and Brown University health researcher Dr. David Dosa, who worked with Steere House patients and witnessed Oscar in action, even wrote a book about the fluffy piebald cat’s extraordinary ability.

Dr. Dosa told Crossroad Hospice that when Oscar came to Steere House in 2005, he wasn’t particularly friendly with the residents. “Oscar was initially sort of a very scared cat,” he said. “He wouldn’t really like to come out. He would keep to himself. Often times you’d find him in the supply closet or under a bed somewhere.”

But once in a while, Oscar would home in on a specific patient, visiting with them in their room and even cuddling up to them in bed. Cats are known to be finicky, so that kind of change in behavior wouldn’t be so unusual, but soon staff noticed a pattern emerging.

“We would eventually find out after he did this several times that the people he was staying with were usually the next ones to go,” shared Dr. Dosa. “One death occurred, then two deaths and ultimately he hit about 20 or 30 deaths in a row at which point everybody started to say, ‘Wow, this is something quite unique.’”

In 2005, a six-month-old kitten named Oscar was adopted by a nursing home in the US to be raised as a therapy cat. However, the workers noticed something peculiar about him. nnWhile Oscar usually preferred to be alone, he occasionally crawled into a resident’s bed and snuggledxe2x80xa6

— (@)

Oscar’s behavior within hours of someone’s death was so accurately predictive, staff started calling in the family members of residents as soon as they noticed the cat starting to get friendly and cuddly with them.

Dr. Dosa described what Oscar’s behavior looked like in a video in 2010.

“When Oscar makes his rounds, he walks around the unit checking in on the 40-some patients on the floor,” he said. “He only stays with patients if they really are at the end of life. He will come into a room, he has been known to jump on the windowsill and sit there for hours on end. Occasionally, he will jump on the bed and curl up to a patient, and he will be there until the very end.”

The staff were all a bit skeptical at first. As Dr. Dosa shared, “It’s not something that you see every day, and this was a pretty unremarkable acat in every other capacity.”

But even a family member of a residents who died with Oscar by their side offered a perspective on Oscar’s unique ability: “It’s not that we trusted the cat more than the nurse. Not, exactly. It was … well, there was just something about Oscar. He seemed so convinced of what he was doing. He was so clear in his intention and his dedication.'”

The big question is, of course: How did Oscar know?

“I think that ultimately your guess is as good as mine,” Dr. Dosa told Crossroad Hospice in 2016. “It [could be] likely that he’s responding to some smell when cells start to break down.”

Research shows that both cats and dogs have the ability to smell illness and disease in humans, and it’s possible that Oscar had a particularly keen nose for chemical changes during the death process. Whatever it was, it compelled him to offer his companionship during someone’s dying hours.

Oscar passed away himself in 2022 after comforting dying residents at Steere House for 17 years. Read more about him and his abilities in “Making Rounds with Oscar: The Extraordinary Gift of an Ordinary Cat” by David Dosa, M.D.

Earlier in the week, Stephen Callaghan’s daughter Ruby came home from school. When he asked her how her day was, her answer made him raise an eyebrow.

Ruby, who’s in the sixth grade at her school in Australia, told her dad that the boys would soon be taken on a field trip to Bunnings (a hardware chain in the area) to learn about construction.

The girls, on the other hand? While the boys were out learning, they would be sent to the library to have their hair and makeup done.

Ruby’s reply made Callaghan do a double take. What year was it, again?

Callaghan decided to write a letter to the school sharing his disappointment — but his wasn’t your typical “outraged parent” letter.

“Dear Principal,” he began. “I must draw your attention to a serious incident which occurred yesterday at your school where my daughter is a Year 6 student.”

“When Ruby left for school yesterday it was 2017,” Callaghan continued. “But when she returned home in the afternoon she was from 1968.”

The letter goes on to suggest that perhaps the school is harboring secret time-travel technology or perhaps has fallen victim to a rift in the “space-time continuum,” keeping his daughter in an era where women were relegated to domestic life by default.

“I look forward to this being rectified and my daughter and other girls at the school being returned to this millennium where school activities are not sharply divided along gender lines,” he concluded.

Dear Principal

I must draw your attention to a serious incident which occurred yesterday at your school where my daughter Ruby is a Year 6 student.

When Ruby left for school yesterday it was 2017 but when she returned home in the afternoon she was from 1968.

I know this to be the case as Ruby informed me that the “girls” in Year 6 would be attending the school library to get their hair and make-up done on Monday afternoon while the “boys” are going to Bunnings.

Are you able to search the school buildings for a rip in the space-time continuum? Perhaps there is a faulty Flux Capacitor hidden away in the girls toilet block.

I look forward to this being rectified and my daughter and other girls at the school being returned to this millennium where school activities are not sharply divided along gender lines.

Yours respectfully
Stephen Callaghan

When Callaghan posted the letter to Twitter, it quickly went viral and inspired hundreds of supportive responses.

Though most people who saw his response to the school’s egregiously outdated activities applauded him, not everyone was on board.

One commenter wrote, “Sometimes it is just ok for girls to do girl things.”

But Callaghan was ready for that. “Never said it wasn’t,” he replied. “But you’ve missed the point. Why ‘girl things’ or ‘boy things’… Why not just ‘things anyone can do?'”

He later commented that he didn’t think the school’s plan was malicious, but noted the incident was a powerful example of “everyday sexism” at work.

Callaghan says the school hasn’t responded to his letter. (Yes, he really sent it.) At least, not directly to him.

Some media outlets have reported that the school claims students are free to opt in and out of the different activities. But, as Callaghan says, gendering activities like this in the first place sends the completely wrong message.

In response to the outpouring of support, Callaghan again took to Twitter.

“At 12 years of age my daughter is starting to notice there are plenty of people prepared to tell her what she can and can’t do based solely on the fact she is female,” he wrote.

“She would like this to change. So would I.”

This article originally appeared on 12.08.17.

Of course we’re leaving some things as a surprise, but one thing my husband and I each got for each other this year happened to be a pair of shoes. What can we say, we saw a sale at Macy’s and couldn’t say no—him to a pair of tan Nike’s that will go with everything, and me to a bedazzled pair of Betsy Johnson boots that will go with exactly nothing, but are just so beautiful.

But had we known of the “shoe theory” currently taking over the internet, we might have chosen otherwise if we wanted our marriage to last, apparently.

Countless folks can be found in the #Shoetheory section of TikTok, sharing their own fears (and horror stories around this trending topic.

As the superstition goes: if you give a significant other a pair of shoes, they will “eventually walk out on you,” leading to an inevitable breakup.

As Angela Chan, aka @angela.chaan, explains it, this theory stems from Chinese culture, since the word for “shoe” in Mandarin sounds similar to “bad luck” or “evil.”

While this old wive’s tale might have been around for a long time, many people are only just now hearing it…after having already bought a pair (or two) for their beau.

@bu99zie Nope. #fyp #christmas #bf #shoetheory ♬ original sound – &lt3

Needless to say, people are concerned.

@hannahgtown

Merry Christmas, we had a good run x

♬ original sound – angela chan

@kate61143 we’ve been through long distance and praying THE SHOE THEORY isnt the thing that breaks us up #shoetheory #fyp #fypシ゚viral ♬ original sound – &lt3

And to make matters worse, many do have anecdotes of post-shoe breakups, indicating there might be something to the theory after all.

“I left my ex a week after he gifted me a show for my Birthday.. He even took the shoes back,” one person shared.

In a different TikTok, a woman wrote “I didn’t even get to give them to him” in the caption as she’s seen throwing a pair of sneakers in frustration.

Another said, “”Every boyfriend I’ve had I bought them shoes, and every single one of them has walked straight out my life.”

@fayemart Have I lost it or is this shoe theory thing the real deal?! #shoetheory #boyfriend #christmaspresents #shoetheoryexplained #viral #trending #fyp ♬ original sound – faye

Even former skeptic @ok.kati.2 admitted that she thought the theory was “dumb” at first, but then had a “lightbulb moment” when she realized “I had gifted an ex of mine a pair of shoes … and they definitely walked out of my life.”

This all has spooked shoppers second guessing their gift choices. But for many, it’s too late.

“I don’t know what to do about these shoes now. I bought the shoes for him a while ago, so I can’t return them now,”@jessicageary1 lamented. “Now, do I need to burn the shoes I got my boyfriend for Christmas? They were expensive though. What do I do?”

But fret not, there is a possible solution: have your SO pay you a dollar for the shoes.

@izzle.b explains in their comment to @angela.chaan’s shoe theory video”

“My mom told me this when my bf first gifted me shoes lol I had to technically ‘buy’ the shoes off my bf for $1 and that’s what we’ve been doing since.”

Smart plan. And the least expensive investment ever!

@brookejamesxx

And if your not then why u buying him shoes anyways💀 if he leaves hes simply✨not the one for you✨

♬ original sound – speakerbleed225

If a relationship ends, odds are there’s more to its demise than an ill-fated gift. But still, this theory is such an interesting example of the deep connection humans have with symbols. So many people feel as though the universe is constantly communicating through signs.

If you do fall into this camp, it can be easy to see how offering up shoes—those vehicles in which we roam and wander the world—might be an intuitive invitation to our partners to go on their own path.

But regardless of whether you believe in omens or not, it feels safe to say that all of us want a relationship that can withstand something as innocuous as shoes.

All I can say is: I hope my Betsy Johnson boots aren’t made for walking.

Images via GooBingDetroit.

Yup. These images were taken only two years apart. And what you’re seeing was not an accident.

When the economy crashed in 2008, it was because of shady financial practices like predatory lending and speculative investing, which is basically gambling, only the entire economy was at stake.

When the recession hit, it literally hit home for millions of people. And Detroit was right in the middle of it.

I spoke with Alex Alsup, who works with a Detroit-based tech company that’s mapping the city’s foreclosed homes to help city officials see the bigger picture and find solutions. He also runs the Tumblr GooBingDetroit, where he uses Google Street View’s time machine to document the transformation of Detroit’s neighborhoods over the last few years.

“There’s a common sentiment that Detroit’s looked the way it does for decades, but it’s just not true,” Alsup said.

It’s astonishing to see how quickly so many homes went from seemingly delightful to wholly unlivable.

When the recession went into full force, home values took a nosedive. But the city expected homeowners to pay property taxes as if they hadn’t.

Not only does the situation defy logic, but it’s like a brass-knuckled face punch to the people the city is supposed to be looking out for. Alsup explains:

“You had houses — tens of thousands of them — that were worth only $20,000 or so, yet owed $4,000 a year in taxes, for which very few city services were delivered (e.g. police, fire, roads, schools). Who would pay that?”

Indeed.

A local group calls what happened to Detroit a “hurricane without water.”

And like a real hurricane, homeowners aren’t the ones to blame. They’re even calling for what is essentially a federal disaster response.

Here are the three strategies they want to see in action — and they can work for basically anywhere in the country that’s struggling with a housing crisis.

1. Stop kicking people out of their homes.

They want the city to end foreclosures and evictions from owner-occupied homes. Many people aren’t just losing their homes — they’ve lost jobs, pensions, and services because of budget cuts. Putting them on the street is like a kick in the teeth when they’re down.

2. If a home is worth less on the market than what the homeowner owes on their loan, reduce what they owe.

Those are called underwater mortgages. Banks caused this mess, and governments ignored it. It’s only fair that people’s mortgages be adjusted based the current value of their home.

3. Sell repossessed homes at fair prices to people who actually want to live in them.

Selling to banks and investors only encourages what led to the financial crisis in the first place. Wouldn’t it make more sense to sell to people who are going to live in them and have a genuine interest in rebuilding the community?

Housing is a human right. And an economy based on financial markets doesn’t care about human rights. Maybe it’s time for a new economy?

Click play below for a silent cruise down a once lovely residential block in Detroit.

This article originally appeared on 12.15.14

TikTokker Brielle Asero, 21, a recent college graduate, went viral on TikTok in October for her emotional reaction to the first day at a 9-to-5 job. The video, which received 3.4 million views, captured the public’s attention because it was like a cultural Rorschach test.

Some who saw the video thought that Asero came off as entitled and exemplified the younger generation’s lack of work ethic. In contrast, others sympathized with the young woman who is just beginning to understand how hard it is to find work-life balance in modern-day America.

“I’m so upset,” she says in the video. “I get on the train at 7:30 a.m., and I don’t get home until 6:15 p.m. [at the] earliest. I don’t have time to do anything!” Asero said in a video.

“I don’t have the time to do anything,” she continued. “I want to shower, eat my dinner, and go to sleep. I don’t have the time or energy to cook my dinner either. I don’t have energy to work out, like, that’s out of the window. I’m so upset, oh my god.”

@brielleybelly123

im also getting sick leave me alone im emotional ok i feel 12 and im scared of not having time to live

On December 16, Asero gave an update on her professional life, and sadly, things aren’t going too well. After just 2 months on the job, she was laid off. It had taken her 5 months to find the job and she had recently relocated to New York City to be near the office.

“I worked for a startup, and they didn’t have the workload or the bandwidth they needed to train me and to give me work to do,” she said. Being laid off during the holidays makes Asero’s situation even more difficult because most employers are closed for business in late December and early January.

Asero had some stern words for those who would blame her for losing her job.

“I know that I’m a hard worker, and my boss literally said that I’m one of the smartest people he’s ever had working under him, and he knows that I’m going to land on my feet, and he will give me a great referral to anybody, so don’t start,” she warned.

@brielleybelly123

can someone tell me im going to be okay !!!! feels like the world is ending i need a job immediatley i am feeling so lost rn like i moved for this…!?

“I have done everything I possibly could have, and it’s still not enough,” she said. To supplement her income while looking for her next big break, Asero says she will look for work as a server or nanny.

Even though Asero took a lot of criticism for crying after her first day at work, the comments on the new video were overwhelmingly positive and supportive. There were also a lot of people who shared how they had recently been laid off, too.

“Just want to note that there’s no shame in taking a service job while you’re still looking. You’re going to be okay, you got this,” Baby bel wrote. “It happened to me, seems like ur life is ending, but I promise it’s just getting started. You’ll laugh about it at some point,” Rachie added.

Confession: I love planners. All planners. Can’t get enough of them. Sometimes I’ll go through the planner section of the store just to put my hands on all the potential held in those perfectly organized pages. Part of me believes, deep down, that if I just find the perfect planner that includes everything I need and nothing I don’t and I utilize it to perfection, I will get to live the orderly and organized life of my dreams. It’s a problem.

Fellow planner junkies, I know you feel me. One of the things we love about planners is that they hold a promise few other tools do, giving us an ideal structure to daydream about a beautifully organized life we aren’t yet living. For those of us who are more Type A, using a planner is a satisfying way to keep all of those life ducks in a row. For the Type B folks, using a planner helps rein in the inevitable ball-dropping that comes with having a laid back personality.

(At least that’s what we Type B folks tell ourselves, right?)

It doesn’t help that there are more kinds of planners than there have ever been before. We’re no longer talking about a simple calendar system or appointment book anymore—now we’ve got goal setting, task prioritizing, routine recording, habit tracking, bullet journaling, menu planning, self-care managing, home decluttering, vision creating, dream manifesting, and a hundred other ways to organize our inner and outer lives on paper. Not only that, but we also have stickers and washi tape and stencils hand lettering and other embellishments that may or may not add to the planning fun.

It can be overwhelming to have so many choices, so if you’re like me and get tempted by every planner you see, it’s important to narrow down the field a bit. For that, we gotta get real about what our “planning personality” really is.

Here are five questions to ask and answer for yourself before clicking “purchase” on any planner.

Am I looking to organize time and tasks, or do I want a planner that tracks everything in my life?

Both of these options are available in spades, but knowing which thing you’re looking for will automatically cut the options in half for you.

If you’re just looking to organize time and tasks, find a planner that has daily, weekly and monthly calendar pages and little else. Maybe a place to make to-do lists. But keep it simple.

If you want it all, think through what would be most helpful to you to help you reach your goals. What are you prioritizing in your life right now, or what do you want to prioritize? Productivity? Family organization? Self-care? Focus on planners that center those things.

Do I want a digital planner, a paper planner or something in between?

With extra large phone screens and ever-better tablet devices, some people have switched to full digital organizing. High tech planning certainly has its advantages, but some people truly prefer pen and paper planning, so you do you.

The good news about digital planners is that a lot of them now function basically like paper planners, so if don’t want to give up the doodle drawing and handwriting part of planning, you don’t have to.

There are also more paper planners than ever, so the fears that computers were going to eliminate the need for paper certainly hasn’t panned out

And yes, there is such thing as an in-between here. The Rocketbook planner lets you write on paper but then digitally upload to your devices so you can kind of have the best (and worst) of both worlds. Perhaps a good option if you want to ease the transition from paper to digital.

How does my gut feel when I’m looking at the specific elements of a planner? Am I inspired or anxious?

If you’re a time/tasks person, does having time slots labeled feel comforting or too confining? Does having a space to prioritize tasks make you feel like you have more control or does it stress you out? Do you want a dated or undated planner? We all react differently to different levels of structure, and you want to strike the right balance for you.

We also all respond to visuals differently. You might like things crisp and streamlined, while someone else might thrive with ornate design flourishes. You might find lots of color appealing while someone else might find it overwhelming. If a planner doesn’t inspire you to use it, you probably won’t, but what inspires one person will turn another person away, so don’t compare your reactions to anyone else’s.

How much time do I realistically want to spend on this each day/week/month?

Some people love utitlizing their planner to the fullest and incorporating it into their entire life aesthetic, some people aspire to that level of commitment but don’t have the personality for it, and some people just want to keep things as simple as possible for themselves. It’s vital that you know which category you fall into.

I am totally drawn to the colorful, beautifully designed and hand-lettered-on-every-page bullet journal idea, but I have also learned that my brain isn’t about that life. It’s simply not going to happen, no matter how lovely I think the idea is, so I have to resist the temptation.

How long do I want this single planner to last?

Planners really do come in all kinds of formats these days, including different lengths of time. Some planners run for well over a year, while some are designed to be used for six months or 90 days. And then there are undated planners and bullet journaling systems that don’t have any specific starting or ending dates.

How far out do you like to plan, realistically? How often do you feel the need to restart/reboot your planning system? Some of us like the reliability of using a long-term planner, and some of us need to change things up frequently. There’s no right or wrong or best or worst, but it’s good to know which you prefer. If you tend to be planner commitment-phobic or someone who likes to try new planners frequently, maybe go for one of the shorter time frames and see how it goes.

Planner junkie, know thyself

The main key to choosing a planner is getting real about how you really function. Sometimes that takes some experimentation, especially if you don’t have years of failed planner usage under your belt already. But the more you can narrow down your choices and avoid being tempted by the million new and shiny options, the better chance you have of finding the planner that really will work for you.

(Final tip: You can go to this page on Amazon and click on your preferred options on the left side of the page, and that will narrow down the choices significantly.)

Happy planning, everyone!

There is certainly no shortage of stories from women highlighting the glaring disparity between society’s expected responsibilities of husbands vs. wives. Some are a bit more lighthearted, poking fun at the absurdity. Others reflect utter frustration and had-it-up-to-here-edness with partners not doing their share of the work.

However, self-proclaimed “Clueless Husband” J Fisher’s honest, thoughtful retrospection on the subject shows that it’s not just female partners noticing that things need to change.

In a now-viral TikTok video, Fisher describes how he used to consider himself the “main character” of his relationship.

What exactly did that look like? Early on in his marriage, it looked something like this:

“Say we’d be going on a trip. My partner at that point in time would be doing the laundry, vacuuming the house, making sure the dishes were done. I would think, I would literally think like, ‘Well, yeah, we don’t have to do that. That’s you wanting to do that. It’s not what I want to do,’” he explained in the clip.

@jfisher62 What NOT to do as a husband #fyp #husbandsoftiktok #wivesoftiktok #fairplay #parenting #feminism #dismantlethepatriarchy #relationship #marriage #support #partnering ♬ original sound – J Fisher

Fisher later shared how his wife would then get everything ready for said trip, while he would simply pack for himself. This continued even after they had kids. It became worse, actually.

“My partner would do all the work to get all of them ready to make sure they were bathed, snacks packed, and I would get myself ready.”

Looking back, Fisher can plainly see how this behavior was “not okay.” But how did he think this was acceptable in the first place? After some reflection, he realized that it was simply the standard being modeled to him from an early age.

“I saw my own father do this quite a bit where he would take care of his own needs. So, I know I didn’t learn it from nowhere,” he said. “But I also had to unlearn it because it never was okay. I thought that my role was to do all these things outside of the home and that the home was women’s domain. I saw that modeled and even taught as the way it should be, but, oh my gosh, is that not partnership? And that sucks.”

After coming to this revelation, Fisher’s opinion is that if you approve of this division of labor, that you “shouldn’t be in a relationship.”

Hard to argue with that.

Hoping that he can further illustrate a better partnering mindset in a way that “may help it click for some guys,” Fisher has all kinds of insightful TikToks focused on taking accountability and expanding emotional intelligence. In them, he often names therapy, setting boundaries, finding community and accessing personal joy (rather than relying on a partner to fulfill all emotional needs) as major tools for creating a more equal relationship.

@jfisher62 Good intention ≠ Truly loving 💔😔 “I’m Sorry” doesn’t begin to do it justice. #fyp #foryoupage #marriage #longtermrelationship #partner #husbandsoftiktok #wivesoftiktok #accountability #healingjourney #grief #stagesofgrief #dabda #acceptance ♬ original sound – J Fisher

And perhaps the best part—there doesn’t seem to be so much shame around the subject. Fisher acknowledges his own goodwill while still admitting to displaying less-than-healthy behavior. It’s hard not to feel like if maybe this kind of honest, yet compassionate reexamination of gender stereotypes were more commonplace, we’d all collectively be a lot farther ahead.

This article originally appeared on 5.4.23

Almost 100 years ago, nine newspapers joined forces to create a national spelling bee to help promote literacy. Now the Scripps National Spelling Bee has become so popular that was televised for 27 years on ESPN before moving to its own network in 2022.

The Scripps National Spelling Bee is a serious competition with students who have studied arduously to memorize root words, phonetic rules and unusual spellings in the hopes of being crowned the nation’s spelling champion. The honor also comes with a $50,000 cash prize, so the competition is fierce.

But that didn’t stop one competitor from bursting into giggles at being asked to spell the word “sardoodledom.”

During the 2007 Scripps National Spelling Bee, 11-year-old Kennyi Aouad approached the microphone with serious concentration when it was his turn to spell. But when the judges told him the word he was to spell and he repeated it, he burst out laughing.

“Sardoodledom” isn’t a word most of us have ever even heard, much less recognize. (It means “mechanically contrived plot structure and stereotyped or unrealistic characterization in drama”—basically “melodrama”—according to Merriam-Webster.) It does sound a bit funny saying it out loud, and even one of the judges started giggling at the young contestant’s reaction to it.

Watch Kennyi lose it repeatedly as he tries to make it through his turn:

Despite how serious the competition is, these kids are still just kids and people loved seeing his joyful reaction to a silly-sounding word.

“His laugh!! I love that in the seriousness of spelling bees, he was able to be himself. This made me smile!” wrote one person.

“So cute. Smart with a touch of sense of humour,” wrote another.

“Talk about breaking the tension!!” shared another. “I love it and he got it right!”

If you’re curious, Kennyi placed 34th in that year’s spelling bee. He would go on to compete again, however, and tied for 5th place in the 2009 bee.

This article originally appeared on 9.28.23