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Here Are The Condiments And Sauces You Need In Your Kitchen

Food
Uproxx

Condiments are everything. Your favorites don’t just add some flavor to a finished dish, they elevate it, transform it into something new, pull flavors together into a harmonious whole, and turn good food into great food. The best condiments help a simple bite become an absolute flavor bomb. There’s a reason every fast food chain lives and dies by its dipping sauces but remember, good condiments and sauces aren’t just a fast food or restaurant thing, you should have your own arsenal of secret weapons in your kitchen pantry that help to deepen the flavors of your home cooking.

With so many options in the market aisles beyond the obvious ketchup, mustard, and mayo, it can be tough to separate the good stuff from the bad. So we’re here to provide you with some winning suggestions from our food writers. From the international aisle to the online marketplace, here are all our favorite condiments and sauces that we can’t live without.

Bachan’s Original Japanese Barbecue Sauce — Dane Rivera

Sauce
Bachan

Why We Love It:

Bachan is essential. A delicious light teriyaki-like sauce that is perfect for finishing dishes or for basting while cooking. It’s salty, it’s sweet, and it’s well made. The ingredients list is sparse, as it should be: just soy sauce, cane sugar, mirin, tomato paste, ginger, green onion, rice vinegar, garlic, sea salt, and a hint of sesame oil, which helps to deepen the flavor of anything you’re cooking.

Anything you add it on, whether you’re pouring it over rice or searing a steak, will take on this sweet umami-rich flavor that will please your palate.

How I Use It:

On everything! If I’m cooking a stir fry I’ll pour this stuff all over it. If I’m trying to liven up some white rice, I’ll pour this stuff all over it. If I’m cooking any type of meat, I’ll pour this stuff all over it. Hell, I’ve even marinated some chicken in it, Bachan’s Barbecue Sauce is a kitchen workhorse that works on everything.

Where I Buy It:

A couple of years back Bachan was a bit harder to find at your local market but now it’s everywhere from Walmart, to Target, to Whole Foods, Kroger, and Costco. And there is a reason for the expansion — because it’s f*cking delicious.

Find your nearest store stocking Bachan here, and if you want an extra kick of heat be sure and try the “hot and spicy” version.

Mae Ploy Sweet Chili Sauce — Dane Rivera

Sauce
Mami Tran

Why We Love It:

Mae Ploy offers a wonderful balance of sweet and gentle spicy flavors. Let me get this right out of the way, this stuff isn’t hot sauce — it’s not going to ignite your palate and form sweat on your brow. But it has enough of a kick to it that it’s addicting and will pull you in.

The flavor begins sugary sweet with a hint of tang to it before the heat starts to build on the aftertaste. If you love restaurant egg rolls, you’ve probably dipped them in a sauce that is a lot like this one. The ingredients list is simple: sugar, water, pickled red chili, vinegar, garlic, salt, and xanthan gum to keep the sauce shelf stable.

How I Use It:

The obvious way to use this is to dip egg rolls in it, but I like to get a spoonful of this stuff after I make a stir fry and mix it around in my bowl for some extra sweetness and gentle heat. Because it’s such a simple sauce this stuff works on pretty much anything.

Where I Buy It:

You’ll find Mae Ploy in the International Aisle of most markets. Click here to find it at a store near you.

Mrs. Renfro’s Jalapeño Green Salsa — Dane Rivera

Sauce
Mrs Renfro

Why We Love It:

I live in Southern California, so I’m lucky enough to have access to more Mexican food spots than I can ever eat at in an entire lifetime. That means there are about 50 different random salsas in my fridge at any given moment, so most of the time I’m topping meals with salsa from my favorite Mexican joint. On the rare occasion when I have no leftover salsa — or they’ve been in the fridge for way too long — Mrs. Renfro’s Jalapeño Green Salsa is my go-to.

I know this is a Texas-based brand so I’m betraying my California roots but I have to hand it to the Lone Star State — this salsa is the best.

It’s thick with a mild vegetal heat that adds brightness to meat dishes and a dark and savory finish to meatless meals. Aside from the earthy and roasted flavor of jalapeño, you’re getting a good dose of onion and garlic here too, which adds a lot of complexity to anything you pour it on.

How I Use It:

Anytime I make homemade nacho fries. There is something about the way this salsa soaks into homemade fried potatoes that just tastes like heaven on Earth. Cut up some potatoes and fry them, top it with some freshly seared carne asada, beans, cheese, cilantro, and avocado, top it off with Mrs. Renfro’s, and BAM you’ve got a meal that is going to make everyone on Instagram jealous.

And you will post about this dish because it looks that good.

Where I Buy It:

You should have no problem finding this in the salsa aisle of your local market. Find your nearest store stocking Mrs. Renfro’s here.

Momofuku Hot Honey — Steve Bramucci

Sauce
Momofuku

Why We Love It:

Everyone else’s hot honey is honey first and heat second. This is heat first — it’s still labeled a chilli crisp — but boy that hit of sweetness is lovely and layered. It sort of feels like a reversal on the hot honey trend and that’s perhaps why I use it so much. It’s much more versatile because it’s not overly sweet while still adding those floral, honey notes.

How I Use It:

This will change your life… ready? Roast a chicken. Get to the point where you’re 45 minutes from done. Lather this on with a basting brush and roast those final 45 minutes. The hot honey chicken you create will be a joy in your household for a whole week.

Where I Buy It:

Find Momofuku kitchen essentials here.

Smoked Mushroom Garum by Noma — Steve Bramucci

Sauce
Noma

Why We Love It:

I reviewed this product when it first came out and in the year since, I’ve only grown to like it more! Here’s my original review:

Don’t wedgie me, but.. this smells like the inside of a pizza oven that has been used a few hundred thousand times. You get the meaty notes and the earthiness. There’s a little bit of funk but it’s light enough that it could as easily be from a few stray mushrooms and some cheese that slid into the oven’s deepest reaches as it could be from some super scientific process invented by Noma Projects. 

It tastes mostly like mushroom broth with… a bit more. There’s some smokiness. There’s some funk. It’s a less funky fish sauce but certainly doesn’t taste un-fishy. There’s a meatiness. That’s the flavor this product seems to cultivate the most “meatiness without real meat.” There’s a light fermented note. 

After sipping a spoonful I wrote this down: “Yet another reminder that we don’t need ‘fake meat’ to imitate beef and pork. We already have mushrooms.”

It’s also pungent and pronounced enough that once you’re used to it you can kinda-sorta discern its presence (like fish sauce), rather than just using it because you believe my review or have faith in Noma’s prowess. I like that it doesn’t just fully vanish into a dish.

How I Use It:

Here’s how I used my bottle of mushroom garum before it ran out:

A capful in taco meat.
A capful in ground beef for smash burgers (which my nephew deemed “Better than Mcdonald’s!”)
A capful in carbonara sauce.
A capful in chicken soup.
Two capfuls in stewed dandelion greens.
Three capfuls in Thai beef larb.
Three capfuls in ramen broth.
Four capfuls in vegan “cheesy” potatoes.
You get the idea. I tried it with everything. Sometimes vegan; sometimes not. I often paired it with other flavor enhancers, like MSG or actual fish sauce. And of course, I also tasted it plain for the sake of this review:

Where I Buy It:

I’ve never seen this in stores, I think you have to go to the NOMA website.

Dumpling Sauce — Janice Williams

Amazon

Why We Love It:

I love dumplings. Steamed or pan-fried. Stuffed with pork or veggies, chicken or shrimp—it doesn’t matter, I want to eat them. If you put a platter of them in front of me, I will inhale that platter and leave not a single one for you. I will order them from anywhere at any time on any day or night. I will hop on the train to Chinatown when it’s 20 degrees and snowing just to eat my weight in Shanghainese Soup Dumplings at Nom Wah Tea Parlor, and I won’t feel the least bit bad for placing a second order to go.

Shumai? Goyza? Potstickers? Frozen dumplings from my local grocery store? Give them to me. I’ll eat those too.

Naturally, as a self-proclaimed dumpling enthusiast, I know that the best way to enjoy dumplings is with the proper sauce. You could go the traditional soy-sauce route (trust me, I do that, too), but nothing quite brings out the flavor of the filling or compliments the dough quite like the salty, sweet, sometimes spicy, sometimes tangy dumpling sauce. Most have a dash of sesame oil that punches up the flavor with a little nuttiness, and there’s a barely-there sweet aftertaste that’s a little more satisfying to the senses than straight-up soy sauce.

There are plenty of dumpling sauces that exist in this world, but my go-to is Wei-Chaun. I prefer the hot flavor, but there’s a mild version for those who can’t stand the heat.

How I Use It:

I quite literally bathe my dumplings in this stuff. The way it enhances the dumpling’s natural taste, I need it on every bite. But you can use this sauce for more than that. Drizzle a little on the top of a burger hot off the grill. Are you eating veggie and meat kabobs? Dunk those suckers in that sauce, too.

Where I Buy It:

You can find some brands and styles of dumpling sauce in the international food aisle of most grocery stores, and there’s always Amazon. But for the most variety, hit up your local Asian market.

Fish Sauce — Zach Johnston

Amazon

Why We Love It:

Fish sauce, specifically Squid Brand, has been a part of my life for a very long time. I’d like to say I picked up using the fishy-smelling juice when I lived in Southeast Asia back in the mid-aughts, but I’d already been using it for years before that. I was sort of always aware of fish sauce — having grown up in the Pacific Northwest where a decent bowl of tangy soup or fried noodles was never far away — then started using it heavily for myself in Prague in 2003.

There’s a large Vietnamese community in Prague (mostly thanks to those two countries both being communist regimes in the 20th century) and that means there are a few markets around the outskirts of the city devoted to imports from Vietnam and Southeast Asia, in general. Those spots turned me on to a lot of good food. My addiction only grew once I actually lived and worked in Southeast Asia.

These days, fish sauce is something I use all the time. So much so, that I buy the big bottle of Squid Brand — the one that’s the same size as a whisky bottle. And it only lasts about as long as a bottle of good whiskey. Put simply, it’s one of the most versatile condiments/flavor enhancers there is. It’s like Worchestershire times a million or soy sauce with a nice funk that’s somehow lighter while also bringing more umami.

An absolute must for any serious home cook.

How I Use It:

A trick I learned working in kitchens in Europe was that chefs would use Squid Brand fish sauce in place of more expensive anchovy in recipes from all over the continent (fish sauce used to be huge in Roman cuisine, for instance). It’s ~basically~ anchovy essence that’s also pure umami. So I started adding it to yolk-based salad dressings. It also works in things like meatballs when you want that extra savory oompf. Dash some on rice when you fluff it to add new depth. Hell, dash some on freshly popped popcorn.

Of course, there are soups, stews, and dry noodle applications. One of my favorite uses is a cold noodle side that’s just fish sauce, crushed garlic, diced green onion, brown sugar, sesame oil, and sesame seeds. Spritz it all with lemon juice and you have one of the best sides for steak or salmon ever.

The point is that, yes, this is very much a necessity if you’re trying to figure out dishes from the eastern reaches of Asia. But don’t stop there. Umami is a key flavor component in cuisines the world over (anchovies were a huge trading commodity of my father’s people around the Salish Sea before Europeans showed up) and fish sauce makes almost everything savory better.

Where I Buy It:

Generally, the Costco-like store I do my weekly shopping at has Squid Brand for around $4 for a big bottle. You can find it in any Korean, Chinese, Thai, or Vietnamese supermarket in the States if you’re in a region where those pop up.

Otherwise, you can grab a bottle on Amazon.

Maggi — Loan Hoang

Amazon

Why We Love It:

Growing up, I didn’t pay attention to the various brown liquids in my mother’s pantry besides the xì dầu (soy sauce) and nước mắm (fish sauce). In our house, the soy sauce that my sisters and I loved on our rice and eggs, lived in a small bottle with a bright yellow label and red lettering spelling out “MAGGI.”

How I Use It:

In 2006, I had the chance to go to France and Italy at the end of my high school senior year as part of a special trip for AP Gov. While preparing for my trip, my aunts asked me if I could bring them back Maggi Sauce from France and to “make sure it’s the French version.” I was surprised that out of anything they could have asked me to buy, they asked for something so readily available in our supermarkets.

It was only then that I learned Maggi wasn’t soy sauce at all. Maggi is a seasoning sauce (made from hydrolyzed vegetable protein instead of soy) and different countries produce different versions. For my aunts, the French version was the best and it was not yet available in our markets at that time.

I like to use the Chinese Maggi in my everyday cooking—it has a strong, salty, umami profile that goes well with stir-fries and soups.

Where I Buy It:

Luckily today, you don’t have to travel far to try out the different versions of Maggi. They’re readily found in supermarkets and online. As a standalone condiment, I prefer the Maggi Arome Saveur French version, which is a bit milder. If you’re able to get your hands on the Mexican version “Jugo Maggi Limon,” you’ll be able to taste a nice kick of lime in your seasoning sauce.

However…I have yet to get my hands on the Filipino version of Maggi, which is supposed to have more of a garlic flavor to it. Perhaps a trip to the Philippines is in order, post-Covid. As high school me learned: This is a sauce worth traveling for.

S&B Umami Topping-Crunchy Garlic With Chili Oil — Vince Mancini

Instacart

Why We Love It:

A friend introduced me to this stuff from the Asian market a while back and I haven’t gone a day since without it in my fridge. It’s great because while I love all things spicy, my stomach and bowels don’t always agree. This stuff comes in “spicy” and “mild,” but neither are really what I would call “hot.” They add a deep, rich concentrated spice flavor that I can eat as much as I want without worrying that it’s going to put me on the toilet all morning.

How I Use It:

Frying up garlic is something that you *can* do on your own, but having it pre-prepared in a jar is my kind of labor saver. I most often use it on salmon, pork tenderloin, or noodle soups (ramen, pho, etc) but I’ve yet to find a food that it doesn’t improve.

Where I Buy It:

I buy mine at the Asian market in Fresno, but it’s available on Amazon.

Harissa — Janice Williams

My Panier

Why We Love It:

During my brief tenure as a waitress in New York City, I worked at a dashing restaurant in the West Village named Bar Bolonat. It was the sister restaurant to the highly acclaimed Balaboosta, owned by the feistiest, sassiest and liveliest woman I’ve ever met, chef and cookbook author Einat Admony.

It was at that little restaurant, which specialized in Israeli and Mediterranean cuisine, where I learned the value and significance of harissa—a vibrant and beautiful red hot chili pepper paste that set my mouth on fire the first time that I had it slathered atop of slice of grilled eggplant with a little tahini, togarashi, and crispy shallots. I was hooked!

Spicy and aromatic, harissa is commonly used in North African and Middle Eastern cuisine. The recipes for the condiment vary from country to country, but the classic components are usually the same across the board: hot and smoked chili pepper, olive oil, garlic, and a blend of spices like cumin, caraway, and coriander.

My waitressing days are behind me, and Bar Bolonat no longer exists (you can still visit Balaboosta, though!). So now I get my harissa fix via Les Moulins Mahjoub, a Tunisian company that produces a variety of tasty natural grains and spices.

How I Use It:

Use it as a spread. Use it as a dip. Blend it into your soups and stews. Use it to marinate your grilled meats and fish, too. Got bread? Scoop it up and get it in your mouth. There is no wrong way to use harissa, but one of my favorite ways to use the condiment is as a baste for baked chicken legs and thighs. Spread it over the chicken along with a little salt, pepper, and garlic. Toss it in the oven for a good 45 minutes and—BOOM!—dinner is served.

But beware: this condiment lands high on the hot and spicy meter. So a little goes a long way.

Where I Buy It:

I order jars of harissa from my favorite online artisanal grocery shop, My Panier, but you can find Les Moulins Mahjoub and other brands at Whole Foods and Middle Eastern Markets.

Lizano Salsa — Steve Bramucci

Lizano

Why We Love It:

In Costa Rica, they have these beans in a bag — also made by Lizano — that are backpacker-famous (and locally beloved!). Especially among surfers. And because the various styles of beans (red, black, and pinto) aren’t exported, the only way to get them is to bring them home from a trip or have someone lug a few packs along when they visit you. At my wedding, two friends brought me an entire suitcase full. Sadly, it never made it through customs.

For years, I’ve tried to unlock what makes Lizano beans so good. Mostly, I figured it was lard. And I’m sure that’s pretty much correct. But by contacting the company for an article, I learned that this salsa is also a core ingredient. Since that discovery, I’ve used the stuff pretty much every day.

How I Use It:

I pour a little bit into the bases for many of my foods — it’s sort of like a liquid soffrito. It’s in every single bean-based recipe I make, bar none. I also put it into my ground beef during the cooking process if I’m making tacos or sloppy joe’s. Used as a traditional condiment, without being cooked down, it’s pretty potent. I’ll often add some a little to a simple rice and bean dish to amp up the umami or treat it like a salad dressing for greens. It’s also fantastic as an additive to your guac or any store-bought salsa.

It’s a little vinegar, a little oniony, a little sour, a touch sweet, and it has a hint of spice. But above all, it’s a true umami bomb (basically it’s vegetarian broth, reduced down to a syrup) that I refuse to live without.

Where I Buy It:

There are Costa Rican shopping sites that carry it (and the beans!), but the shipping costs are exorbitant. I most often rely on Amazon, which sells the full-sized three-pack for $22.

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George Clooney Swears His Cameo In ‘The Flash’ Was A One-Time Thing: ‘Not Enough Drugs In The World’ To Play Batman Again

George Clooney The Flash
Warner Bros.

In the final moments of The Flash, Ezra Miller’s Barry Allen is confident that he’s fixed the multiverse after making a rash decision to alter time by stopping his mom’s murder. Everything seems to be back in place, which Barry assumes is the case as his Justice League mentor Bruce Wayne (a.ka. Batman) pulls up to see him.

There’s just one small problem, the figure emerging from the car is not the Ben Affleck Batman that Barry knows. It’s George Clooney, prompting a confused Barry to exclaim “Who the f*ck are you?” as this movie fades to black. The cameo sparked a flurry of speculation that Clooney’s Batman was coming back even though The Flash belongs to the old DC Extended Universe that will be wiped away by James Gunn’s Superman: Legacy.

The Clooney cameo was nothing more than a fun, wildly unexpected gag considering he’s spent the past 20 years since Batman & Robin bombed at the box office swearing up and down that he’d never return as the Caped Crusader. And that’s still the case.

While talking to Entertainment Tonight (via EW), Clooney confirmed that The Flash cameo was a one-time thing. “I don’t think there are enough drugs in the world for me to go back again,” he said.

Clooney also made sure to make a joke about his Bat-nipples. The guy can’t talk about his time as Batman without bringing up the nips.

“I thought there was such a clamor for me to come back as Batman, as you know. There was a clamor,” Clooney joked. “I actually said, ‘Where are my rubber nipples?’ And they were like, ‘Can we do it without the rubber nipples?’ I was like, ‘Well, it’s not really my Batman, is it?’”

(Via Entertainment Weekly)

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Jonathan Majors Was Found Guilty Of Assault And Harassment

jonathan majors
Getty Image

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania and Creed III actor Jonathan Majors was found guilty of assault and harassment on Monday for attacking his then-girlfriend Grace Jabbari in a car in March.

The verdict was announced following three days of deliberation by the jury. Variety has more:

In March, the actor was arrested in New York City after he allegedly assaulted Jabbari in the backseat of a private vehicle. Jabbari, a choreographer who met Majors on the set of Marvel’s Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania, testified she grabbed Majors phone after seeing a text message from another woman that read, “Wish I were kissing you right now.” Jabbari described in her testimony that as Majors attempted to retrieve his phone, she felt “a hard blow” across her head that resulted in bruising, swelling, and substantial pain.

The jury was shown text messages to Jabbari from Majors, who, following the disturbing incident in March, wrote, “I fear you have no perspective of what could happen if you go to the hospital. They will ask you questions and as I don’t think you actually protect us it could lead to an investigation even if you do lie and they suspect something.” He also threatened suicide following an argument.

“What this really boils down to is four simple words: control, domination, manipulation and abuse,” Jabbari’s attorney, Kelli Galloway, said during closing arguments. “The tactics used by those who commit domestic violence against partners, against Grace.”

A sentencing date was set for February 6, 2024. Majors faces up to a year in jail.

(Via Variety)

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Not One But Two New ‘Peaky Blinders’ Spinoffs Are Reportedly In The Works At Netflix

3039494-poster-p-2-weird-name-stellar-production-why-peaky-blinders-is-the-years-most-immersive-crime-seri.jpeg
Netflix

Netflix is going the Bosch and Yellowstone route by ordering multiple spinoffs at the same time, seemingly to suffocate viewers with content. It seems to be working, or maybe everyone is suffocated enough to not care. Either way, get ready to see some sad 20th-century English blokes parade across the screen once more.

A new report from Bloomberg suggests that Netflix is currently developing not one but two spinoffs of the hit series Peaky Blinders. The series debuted in 2013 and ran for six seasons before wrapping up last year. Thanks to Cillian Murphy‘s ability to perplex and entice viewers by just looking distraught, it became a critical favorite, so it makes sense that Netflix is hoping to expand the universe.

According to the report, one spinoff series would be set in Boston “during the middle of the 20th century” a couple of decades after the original Peaky Blinders. The other series would act as a prequel story and focus on Polly, the matriarch of the Shelby family. In the flagship series, Polly is portrayed by Helen McCrory.

Murphy has expressed interest in returning to Peaky-verse. “I mean, I’m open to the idea. I’ve always thought that if there’s more story to tell,” he admitted earlier this month. This was all Netflix needed to hear before going full-speed ahead with new content.

Neither of these spinoffs has been confirmed by Netflix, but we do know that they have been happily ordering spinoffs without a care in the world. The streamer is also allegedly working on a new show set in the world of the fast-growing action franchise Extraction and a Wednesday spinoff. It’s not called Thursday, but it should be.

(Via Bloomberg)

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Dad aims to make pumping ‘fun’ for his wife and he 100% succeeds

“Breast pumping” and “fun” are not two words that seem to go together. “Exhausting,” “tedious” and even “lonely” are adjectives nursing moms would more likely use to describe the activity. “Awkward” and “embarrassing” could also be thrown into the mix, given how society often treats breastfeeding moms like tacky, amoral exhibitionists when they have to do their milking in public.

But one husband made it his mission to make breast pumping an enjoyable, stress-free experience for his wife, and it has people positively swooning.


In Ryan Ploof (@dadnamedryan)’s TikTok video, we see the doting dad up at 7am and giving his child milk from a previous pump (helping his wife catch as many extra zzz’s as possible).

He then organizes the remaining serving of milk, preps the pumping machine, and presents said machine to his wife—now on the couch—along with a gift wrapped present. Seriously, may we all get a gift wrapped present the day we have to do something unpleasant.

Then, then! Ploof bakes banana muffin for breakfast—maybe a little burnt, but it’s the thought that counts—and serves up some hot chocolate with mini marshmallows. Later in the day he will continue serving up handmade treats—chocolate covered strawberries. And for each pumping session he takes it upon himself to carefully package the milk into servings.

Watch:

@dadnamedryan I mean it cant be fun #newdad #dad #baby #newborn #minivlog #parent #boydad #parents ♬ original sound – DadNamedRyan

Talk about making someone feel loved and supported.

Millions tuned in to watch Ploof’s video, and were completely taken aback by his enthusiasm to actually participate in what’s normally a responsibility moms seem to take on solo.

“I wish pumping was seen as a family task instead of just a ‘me’ task omg,” the top comment read.

Meanwhile, another person wrote, “I’m telling you, so many women do not get this. BF is a lonely journey for many. Good job, dad.”

One person even joked that Ploof was “written by a woman.”

It’s important to give Ploof credit for not just showing up to help with breastfeeding. He has several videos showing him shopping, sprucing up the house, cooking. One day he even surprised his wife with a day trip to the salon while he took the kids to a trampoline park.

@dadnamedryan I mean it cant be fun #newdad #dad #baby #newborn #minivlog #parent #boydad #parents ♬ original sound – DadNamedRyan

While yes, it would be nice to see Ploof’s acts of service and think nothing of it, since this should be the standard for dads, it is nonetheless heartening to see through videos like his that a mindset shift is 100% happening. And there are probably more dedicated fathers like him than we give credit to. Either way, seeing it in action helps add a little inspiration into the world.

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Couple advertises their rundown Honda as a luxury vehicle in hilarious parody ad

When Carrie Hollenbeck needed to sell her 1996 Honda Accord, with over 140,000 lifetime miles on it, having a filmmaker boyfriend paid off. Big time.

Max Lanman had the idea to produce an actual commercial to advertise his girlfriend’s jalopy. But this wouldn’t be some low-budget production for a 4 a.m. run on the local access cable channel. Oh no. Not at all.


“I thought it would be hilarious to make a high-end car commercial for a really junky car,” Lanman told ABC News. “And she had just the car.”

The ad begins like any high-gloss, self-important, sleek car commercial, with a deep-voiced narrator uttering some vaguely inspiring patter: “You, you’re different. You do things your way. That’s what makes you one of a kind.”

Cut to — instead of a luxury vehicle with a slick dash, leather interior, and impeccably dressed anonymous driver — Carrie’s old Honda, complete with coffee spills, random objects rolling around in the back, and one of those cassette things you use to play your iPod in a car without Bluetooth.

“You don’t do it for appearance. You do it because it works,” the narrator adds triumphantly.

Check out the finished product:

Lanman may have intended the piece to be more silly than satire, but the faux ad inadvertently makes an important point about the car buying experience in America.

As commonplace as the ads he’s lampooning are, the majority of Americans cannot afford a new car. Things are only getting worse — the average price of a new vehicle has skyrocketed 35% since the 1970s, while the median household income is only up about 3% for the same time period.

Cars have always been a status symbol, but somewhere along the line — between the time of horse-drawn carriages and the modern era of Matthew McConaughey selling Lincolns by falling backward into an infinity pool while wearing a tuxedo — cars have become an extreme symbol of status.

Car commercials would have you believe that cars are not something you buy because of how well they can get you from Point A to Point B, but because of how they made you feel and how they make you look to other people. For every person buying a $60,000 car that fits their “lifestyle,” (or to sit in their garage, barely touched) there are dozens more people buying a used junker on Craiglist or eBay because it’s all they can afford. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Though it wasn’t intended to be, Max and Carrie’s viral ad is almost a digital middle finger to those who want the rich to get richer and income disparity to get worse. It reminds us to be proud of our ability to successfully live our own lives, even if it’s not always pristine or glamorous. This ad … is practical and real and … well, it’s all of us.

“Luxury is a state of mind,” the narrator bellows at the end. Finally, a car slogan everyday Americans can get behind.

This article originally appeared on 11.09.17

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Supportive husband writes a fantastic ‘love list’ to his depressed wife

Imgur user “mollywho” felt her life was falling apart. Not only was she battling clinical depression, but she had her hands full.

“I’ve been juggling a LOT lately,” she wrote on Imgur. “Trying to do well at work. Just got married. Couldn’t afford a wedding. Family is sparse. Falling out with friends, yaddadyadda.”

She was also upset about how she treated her new husband.

“I’ve not been the easiest person to deal with. In fact, sometimes I’ve lost all hope and even taken my anger out on my husband.”


When she returned home from a business trip in San Francisco, mentally exhausted, she collapsed on her bed and cried. Then she noticed some writing on the bedroom mirror. It was a list that read:

Reasons I love my wife

1. She is my best friend
2. She never quits on herself or me
3. She gives me time to work on my crazy projects
4. She makes me laugh, every day
5. She is gorgeous
6. She accepts the crazy person i am
7. She’s the kindest person i know
8. She’s got a beautiful singing voice

9. She’s gone to a strip club with me
10. She has experienced severe tragedy yet is the most optimistic person about humanity i know
11. She has been fully supportive about my career choices and followed me each time
12. Without realizing it, she makes me want to do more for her than i have ever wanted to do for anyone
13. She’s done an amazing job at advancing her career path
14. Small animals make her cry
15. She snorts when she laughs

love letters, support, marriage, mental illness

This amazing show of support from her husband was exactly what she needed. “I think he wanted me to remember how much he loves me,” she wrote. “Because he knows how quickly I forget. He knows I struggle to see good in the world, and especially the good in myself. But here it is. A testament and gesture of his love. Damn, I needed it today…”

She ended her post with some powerful words about mental illness.

“I’m not saying mental illness is cured by nice words on a mirror. In fact, it takes professional care, love, empathy, sometimes even medication just to cope. Many people struggle with it mental illness – more than we probably even realize. And instead of showing them hate or anger when they act out. Show them kindness and remind them things can and WILL get better. Everyone needs a little help sometimes. If that person can’t be you – see if you have any resources for therapy.”

This article originally appeared on 12.10.15

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How 5 diabolical parents called their kids’ bluff in hilarious ways


Recently, blogger Jen Hatmaker had a funny conversation with a friend about parenting:

“My girlfriend told me the greatest story. Apparently her 11-year-old also wanted to be a grown up this week and, in fact, not only did he treat his siblings like despised underlings, but when asked what he wanted, he said: ‘I want the authority to be in charge of them and tell them what to do, because they deserve it!’


Well. My girlfriend and her husband are NOT AT ALL MESSING AROUND with parenting. Calmly, evenly, they granted his request to be a grown-up for a week by pulling him out of camp (the underlings still got to go, because they are ‘such children’) and sending him to work ALL DAY EVERY DAY with his dad. He has to get up early and shower and make breakfast for everyone. He has to kiss the underlings before he goes to work and tell them to have a great day and that he loves them. He has to work on a typing project during his office hours. He only gets to eat what his dad eats, because eating like a grown-up is not nearly as fun as eating like a kid.


Want to be an adult? Fine.”

Photo via iStock.

Hatmaker’s post went viral, with thousands of parents chiming in with their own stories of tough love, both giving and receiving.

The responses were hilarious, poignant, and a sign that the next generation is being parented by extremely capable, if not a little bit diabolical, hands.

Here are five of my favorite stories from the comments about parenting-gone-absolutely-right:


1. Jill Duff’s mom used an embarrassing outfit to teach her sister an important lesson:

“My sister was snotty to my Mom. She called her and pretty much demanded, ‘Bring my band uniform to the high school!’ She’s the one who forgot her uniform in the first place. Then she told my Mom ‘Do not come in the school, that would be so EMBARRASSING. Just wait for me by my car.’

So my Mom did just that. She stood by my sister’s car, in the Texas heat, WEARING my sister’s band uniform. All the kids walking out for the day saw it.

Parenting GOLD.

And Mom was like…

2. Jessica Klick got her sons new shoes … but not the ones they wanted.

“Our 11 and 12 year olds at the time were complaining and whining and being ungrateful, saying how ‘hard their life was.’ For boys, the big thing is wearing those cool Steph Curry shoes and our boys LOVE their Currys!

So after hearing the last complaint my husband went to Walmart to buy white maypop leather shoes (the kind you see in geriatric centers) and high white socks. He brought those bad boys home, set them on the boys’ dresser, and made them wear those things everywhere we went. Those devastated boys told us we were ‘ruining their lives.’

I may or may not have laughed like a little girl when I dropped them off at school and watched them do the walk of shame.

3. Marisa Rodriguez Byers says she wished her mother was dead. And boy, did she regret it.

“I was a wretched, hormonal teenager. At the age of 13 I told my mom, ‘I wish you were dead!’ And at that moment, she ‘died,’ but to me only. (I had younger sisters).

She completely ignored me, didn’t speak at me, didn’t look at me, wouldn’t cook for me, set my place at the table, wash my clothes, take me to school, NOTHING. After 8 days, I broke down in the middle of the night, went to her room, clutched her tightly while sobbing how sorry I was and how much I loved her and that I would NEVER say those words again. I’m 41 years old now, I have NEVER uttered those words or anything remotely like them after that incident.

After tough love, you gotta hug it out.

4. Jessica Hill gave her daughter a good scare — and, in turn, a new appreciation.

“I was grocery shopping with my three year old when she decided to start screaming for ice cream. There was no reasoning with her in this hulk-type rage. I swear she had super human strength as I struggled to get her out of the cart full of groceries.

I was completely unaware of the two police officers who were witnessing this wrestling match. She was still hitting, kicking, and screaming when I was stopped by the police officers in the parking lot. They thought I had abducted her. This happened long before we had smart phones full of our children’s photos. They tried questioning her but she was still too busy throwing a fit, so I handed her over. I told them she could ride with them because I really needed a break and they could follow me home to see her birth certificate, baby book, etc. They started chuckling as one officer said, ‘Spoken like a true mom!’ I think they were more relieved than I was when she finally cried out, ‘Mommy?’

The officer handed her back to me while the other went back inside the store to ensure there wasn’t a distraught mother looking for her missing toddler. That evening my daughter told her dad she almost went to jail because she threw a fit, and I let her believe it. She didn’t throw a fit in public again.”

“Uhh, ma’am?”

“I didn’t mean to scare her, so after this experience, I wanted to ensure my daughter had a healthy respect and appreciation for first responders. Today, I’m happy to say she is highly aware and appreciative of the police, firemen, paramedics, and military personnel who serve to protect her.”

5. Erica Goodnight taught her son an incredible lesson that he carries to this day.

“My kid was whining over not having anything to play with. So, without a word, I went to the garage and got a black 50 gallon trash bag and started putting in all the toys that he obviously didn’t even realize were in our home to play with.

I loaded them AND him into the car and we drove to our local homeless shelter and gave every. single. toy. in the bag away. To a child who TRULY had nothing. And you know what? He didn’t even cry. His eyes were opened to the ones who have nothing. He actually enlarged his heart that day. And, we still do it. We still take toys to kids with nothing at least once a year.”

Parent win. Life lesson score.

There’s a fine line between teaching your kids a tough lesson in a funny way and engaging in “humiliation parenting.”

Making children wear a sign that says, “I sneak boys in at 3 a.m. and disrespect my parents and grandparents” or otherwise berating them publicly is a good way to erode trust between the two of you and seriously damage your relationship.

But calling their bluff on a ridiculous demand? Or having a little fun with how you choose to correct their bad attitude? That’s just plain survival.

And that’s what parenting is really all about.

You can read the whole hilarious exchange over on Facebook.

In the meantime, what’s your favorite tough-love story?

This article originally appeared on 07.13.16

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There is one group of people that might be happier single than they are in a relationship

Oh, society! We have such a complicated relationship with relationships.

It starts early, with the movies we are plopped in front of as toddlers.

GIF from Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast.”

And continues through adolescence, still through entertainment.

“I’d rather die than stay away from you.”

GIF from “Twilight.”

And then guess what happens? We’re peddled some more of what we’re supposedly meant to be aiming for when we’re adults.

“I was the one girl he chose from 20 other girls to be with. Now I know I’m special!” — me, mocking probably very sweet people.


GIF from “The Bachelor.”

There are so many examples of this, it’s difficult to narrow them down. Not to mention all the social cues coming in all stealth-bomber-like to beat one’s psyche into submission. Like when single people go to weddings, their family members casually ask them, “When will YOU settle down?” And when a friend goes through a breakup, it’s almost instinctive to reassure them that there’s someone out there for them.

But what if not everyone is supposed to pair off? What if some people are — wait for it — happier when they’re single?

It’s kind of a radical notion in this culture, where pairing off is treated more as a foregone conclusion and universal life goal.

A study in 2014 from the National Bureau of Economic Research said that married people rated higher in happiness measurements than single people did.

You might have taken that study at face value.

But hold the phone! There’s another recent study from University of Auckland’s School of Psychology that tells a more complete story by comparing happiness levels among a very specific group of singles and marrieds.

How? Well they looked at something called “avoidance goals” and “approach goals.”

What are avoidance and approach goals?

Well, what motivates each person is different. Some people are motivated by going after what their desired outcome is. Some people are more concerned with avoiding undesirable outcomes. People are often mixed bags, displaying some traits of avoidance and some traits of approach, and where they’re at with it can change with other factors in life. But on the entire spectrum, some people fall on one distinct end or the other.

In the new study, it held up that low-avoidance singles were a little bit less happy than low-avoidance married people. In other words, people who were more approach-goal motivated and married DO experience a bit more happiness.

But, interestingly, researchers found that singles who fall more on the high-avoidance side of the spectrum showed the same level of happiness as high-avoidance marrieds.

And theoretically, for those happy high-avoidance singles, they could very well find themselves miserable in a relationship for whatever reasons they avoid them in the first place. In individual circumstances, singlehood may be the best choice for some.

What does it all mean?

Some people love love and want to find their happily ever after. There’s nothing wrong with that, and society supports that model. More power to them!

But for those of you wondering if you’re weird or broken because you seem to prefer single life, there’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t let society pressure you into doing things their way, you magnificently beautiful lone wolf!

This article was written by Angie Aker and originally appeared on August 27, 2015

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Interesting video explains why people looked a lot older in the past than they do today

Ever look at your parents’ high school yearbooks and think people looked so much older back then? All of the teenagers look like they’re in their mid-30s and the teachers who are 50 look like they’re 80.

When we watch older movies, even those from the 1980s, the teenagers appear to be a lot older as well.

Why is it that they looked so much older? Was life harder? Did people act more mature? Did they spend more time outdoors and less time playing video games? Is it their sense of fashion? Were they all smokers?


Educator Michael Stevens, who runs the super-popular Vsauce YouTube channel, explains the phenomenon in a new video called, “Did people used to look older?” In the video, he explains that people in the past appear a lot older due to a phenomenon known as retrospective aging.

When we see people in the past, they are wearing outdated styles that we associate with older people; therefore, we think they have aged rapidly. For example, a teenager in the 1950s may have been in fashion while wearing thick Buddy Holly-style glasses.

But as people age, they tend to cling to the fashion of their youth. So many people of that generation continued to wear the Buddy Holly-style glasses into their 50s. So when younger people see those glasses they see them as old people’s glasses and not a hip kid from the ’50s.

So in the photo from the ’50s, the teen appears to look a lot older because our perspective has been tainted by time.

But it isn’t all just an illusion. Stevens also points out that people did age faster back in the day due to differences in nutrition, lifestyle and medicine.

This article originally appeared on 07.11.22