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The Uproxx Last-Minute Adventure & Travel Gift Guide

travel gift guide
MERLE COOPER/UPROXX

This year’s Uproxx Gift Guides are brought to you by Sirius XM. Check out their site to find all the holiday music and content you need to get into the giving spirit.

Your chance to order a gift online is winding down. Many sites have their “drop dead” order day listed as today, the 15th. Others extend as far as the 19th with certain Amazon items available as late as the 22nd. But the fact remains: your time is ticking. Time to pick something special for those special someones.

Assuming that’s your aim — you clicked on a gift guide, after all — Uproxx has you laced up. Check out our run of 2023 guides below:

And we’re. not. done. yet!

Today, with your ordering windows waning, we’re running down a list of the best travel and adventure gifts we tested this year. Everything included here has proven up to snuff by our skilled team. We vouch for it and promise that giving one of these gifts will make a big impact on your favorite thru-hikers, vagabonds, adventurers, and explorers.

Priority Current

PRIORITY CURRENT
Priority Bicycles

Price: $3,299

Oh, this bike! What a gift this would be!

I bought mine for myself and I still think of it as a gift. It’s the perfect commuter vehicle and great for urban adventurers, with a belt-drive transmission that rides so much differently than other e-bikes I’ve tested. In many ways, it’s more like a belt-driven exercise bike — with each pedal push creating propulsion and no crunching gears.

I rode this bike to 20 different venues around the state of Oregon for my recent book tour and do you know how many problems I had?

Zero. Not one hitch. Even though I am not the best planner on earth and an “e-bike book tour in Oregon in October” mostly means “getting rained on while riding for 20 days straight.”

Everything about the bike is smooth — from how you shift to how you break to the propulsion itself. Even when you’re tearing along at 20mph without breaking a sweat, it feels like it’s all you because the transmission is so cleanly synced.

I love e-bikes, generally speaking. I own three. But if I was recommending one as a day-in and day-out rider that feels like traditional bike riding but doesn’t require that level of effort and charges rapidly while holding enough charge to traverse large cities… I would highlight this bike every time. It’s awesome, I promise. Let it transport you to cool hiking spots and nearby beaches and beyond!

BUY IT FOR:

The person who fancies themselves as a biker but is just a tad too lazy to ride a push pedal on their wide-ranging urban explorations. They will freaking flip over this bike. Use the discount code HOLIDAY15 for 15% off and delivery before Christmas!

Buy Here

Igloo Legacy 54 Qt Cooler

igloo
IGLOO

Price: $200

The cooler industry seems bifurcated these days. Either your cooler is built like Fort Knox with giant clamps so that your ice won’t melt for seventeen months or it’s a hipster throwback that incorporates modern insulation improvements. I typically opt for the latter. But that’s mostly because I like the look of the vintage-feeling coolers and don’t love lugging giant fishing coolers around just for a weekend in the woods.

This is the cooler I use and, yes, I use it in part because it looks dope. But also, it’s a great cooler. It locks, it has a bottle opener, and it’s well insulated. The handles never pinch your hands. Sure, opting for metal is a tad heavier than 80s-era plastic coolers, but as Butch Cassidy once said, “That’s a small price to pay for beauty.”

The truth is that storytelling is a part of adventuring and always has been. It’s fun to have a cool-looking cooler and, if we’re being honest, a great vibe is probably more important to most of us than “what can keep things cold the longest.” Though again, this cooler does that too!

BUY IT FOR:

The adventurer who balances style with functionality.

Buy Here

Roark Layover 2.0 Pants

Layover 2.0 Pants
ROARK

Price: $95

If money permitted, I would buy ten pairs of these. I love them. They’re my dream travel pants because they feature:

  1. Zippered pockets.
  2. Fleece lining at the shins (not at the thighs where it causes friction and leaves you sweaty).
  3. The ability to look buttoned up and casual in a way that few pants can pull off.

One more thing worth mentioning: These are sturdy. I wore them a whole lot on the bike-based book tour mentioned above and I didn’t develop so much as a loose seam. If I were going on a 12-month world trip right now, these are the pants I’d buy.

BUY THEM FOR:

The vagabond who loves the intersection of form and function in their fashion.

Buy Here

Aviator Nation Teddy Apres Half Zip Jacket

Aviator Nation
AVIATOR NATION

Price: $395

I bought this for my lady and then asked her to review it. She texted the following:

fleece
Steve Bramucci

That pretty much sums it up. It’s funny how few jackets are cozy these days. I swear that all the brands got Gore-Tex mania and forgot that most adventurers would prefer a jacket that is cozy to one that has 17 different zippers and four strips of reflective fabric sewn in.

I haven’t worn this but I did buy and (horribly) wrap it so I saw the metal zippers and other marks of quality. Plus, I like that Aviator Nation has a subtle logo instead of something obtrusive. And that this sinches at that waist instead of falling loose.

BUY IT FOR:

The adventurer who appreciates the joys of being comfy before, during, and after a big outing.

Buy Here

Helm Calistoga Sienna Boots

Helm boots
HELM

Price: $265

The reason I love these boots is because of how balanced they are. They’re proper work boots — tough enough to travel around the world in while working odd jobs. But with a few dabs of water and a little rubdown with a washcloth, you can have them looking hotel lobby or restaurant ready.

Apparently, they were created for the “vineyard or the tasting room” and that tracks. Having worn my pair a fair few times, I will tell you that they look even better after some wear, that they’re more comfortable than traditional workboots, and (let’s be honest about our vanity here) they make me stand a full inch taller.

The perfect all-rounder for hiking, tramping, and going out.

BUY THEM FOR:

The person who wants one boot for hiking, working, walking, and looking presentable in public.

Buy Here

Beats Studio Pro

BEATS BY DRE
BEATS BY DRE

Price: $350

You know Beats Studio Pro. They’re the most ubiquitous over-ear headphones on the market. But I don’t see them reviewed often so let’s talk about where they excel:

  1. These have the best battery life of any headphones in their price range (any that I’ve tested up to $500).
  2. The noise cancelling is superb.
  3. The ear cushions are comfortable for long-term use.
  4. The look is sleek and stylish.
  5. They fold exceedingly easily.

Never a brand to sit on its laurels, Beats has improved the distortion and created a spacial audio feature that tracks with the movement of your head. The result? This is the best Beats has ever been and the head of the class at this price point!

BUY THEM FOR:

The long-term vagabond who can appreciate the truly impressive battery life.

Buy Here

Shwood Francis Acetate

shwood
SHWOOD

Price: $149

First and foremost, I like these glasses because… they look so cool. Style comes first in sunglasses. Period.

You have to have one pair of acetate glasses in your repertoire and while Ray Ban’s are most people’s go-to, I like these better. The wood inlays class them up but they fit the face well and won’t be constantly sliding off your nose. The hinge is ultra-sturdy which is, in truth, the first thing I look for in sunglasses after style.

Not for nothing, but I love the case for these. It’s made out of recycled cardboard but it’s so stiff and sturdy that when you find the case buried in the bottom of your bag you don’t cringe thinking that maybe your glasses are ruined. The fact that I’m from Portland and all the Shwood pairs are named for spots in Oregon is just a happy accident. I would have loved these regardless.

BUY THEM FOR:

The traveler who needs glasses that are sturdy and stylish in equal measure.

Buy Here

Writer Pick: Thule Roof Box Thule Motion XT L

THULE
THULE

Price: $900

If you park in any National Park parking lot, you’ll be lost in a sea of Subaru Outbacks with this exact Thule roof box rigged on top. Why? Because Thule is the Kleenex of roof boxes. At least out in the Pacific Northwest, we don’t even call them roof boxes. We call them Thules.

So what makes a Thule worth having? If you’ve ever been the friend who forgot to call shotgun and got stuck in the backseat with a leaking grocery bag in your lap and a rogue tent pole poking you in the side, you know the stakes of an overly packed car. A roof box is a road trip no-brainer. Because road-tripping and car camping aren’t about roughing it with freeze-dried meals and no pillow. It’s about finding epic places to do epic things with all the toys and comforts to heighten the experience.

And if you’re going to spend hours in a car to find the magic, you might as well be comfortable.

This Thule is generally easy to use, though, like any roof box, you’ll be awkwardly balancing on the backseats to reach everything inside of it. Most importantly, it fits a ton of stuff. 16 cubic feet in volume. That means all your ski gear in the winter. Your camping gear in the summer. All your stuff as you move from apartment to apartment throughout your life. The only downfall is how hard roof boxes are to store, but for the year-round adventurer, it’ll live on top of your car anyway.
Julianne Sato

BUY IT FOR:

The adventurous sort who loves a good road trip, gear-heavy adventure sports, or a car camping weekend.

Buy Here

Writer Pick: Away Suitcases

away suitcases
AWAY

Price: $236-$645

If you’ve ever found yourself wrestling with a clunky suitcase while trying to catch a flight or struggling to fit all your essentials into a bag that seems to defy the laws of spatial logic, it might be time to upgrade your travel gear. If so, we have a clear winner: Away Suitcases. We know that Away suitcases have been the luggage darling of the Internet, but I was unconvinced they were worth the hype until I tried them for myself.

Reader, they’re worth the hype.

I travel often, dragging heavy, cloth suitcases my family has had since the 90s all over the world, twisting my wrists and busting open zippers at the most inopportune moments. But I never saw the point of spending money on a nice suitcase. As long as it kept all the contents inside the bag, who needed anything fancier?

But it’s not about a fancy-looking suitcase. Sure, Away suitcases do look stylish, striking the perfect blend of minimal and modern with the beautiful spectrum of trendy colors. But for me, it’s about a suitcase that makes the chaos of travel more convenient.

I especially loved the Bigger Carry On suitcase. The interior design of this suitcase is filled with thoughtful compartments and a compression system to maximize space, so you can get away with not paying for that checked bag when you fly on budget airlines. The hard shells are durable and water-resistant. They’re also extremely lightweight, which we all know matters when you’re getting charged $50 for a bag that’s two pounds overweight.

The best part is how well they move. Away suitcases have 350-degree spinner wheels that make maneuvering through tight spaces or sprinting to catch that connecting flight ever so slightly less stressful. You can pull them like a normal wheeling suitcase, but you can also gently push them and they’ll glide along next to you. If you’re chronically late to the airport, these suitcases are your best bet against missing your flight. — Julianne Sato

BUY IT FOR:

Anyone who travels enough for convenience to matter, Away Suitcases will make your travel life easier.

Buy Here

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Will Lil Nas X Drop A Remix Of Nicki Minaj’s ‘FTCU?’

Lil Nas X Falls Festival Melbourne 2022
Getty Image

Nicki Minaj’s latest album, Pink Friday 2, has awakened the inner Barb in users online. With the “Cowgirl” rapper’s forthcoming world tour slated to kick off next year, supporters are trying to memorize the lyrics to the 24 songs and remixes shared on the body of work and Gag City deluxe version.

But fans believe, as she’s hinted, there is still more music to come. Although it doesn’t appear Minaj’s verse on “New Body” will make it to streaming services, supporters are turning their attention to another collaboration. Will Lil Nas X drop a remix of Nicki Minaj’s “FTCU” is now the question at the top of their minds. The answer is: maybe.

Today (December 15), the former Barb fan account manager took to his official X (formerly Twitter) to share a tease freestyle he recorded over the ATL Jacob-produced instrumental.

“We gone f*ck that club up / We gone throw some dubs up / If you broke, ain’t got no money, n**** shut the f*ck up / Shout out Miss Onika Tonya, that’s my mama, that’s on God / If you f*cking up the club, hit up Nas Maraj / I am in and in and out of town, ATL underground I stay in the South, been in Houston mo’ than Bobby Brown / F*ck this society, I do things in my way / It’s Onika and Lil Nassy, it’s a Pink-er Friday,” raps Lil Nas X.

Who knows if the pair will ever officially link, but for now, fans will hold on to the “FTCU” Nas Maraj mix for as long as they can.

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Will Lil Nas X Drop A Remix Of Nicki Minaj’s ‘FTCU?’

Lil Nas X Falls Festival Melbourne 2022
Getty Image

Nicki Minaj’s latest album, Pink Friday 2, has awakened the inner Barb in users online. With the “Cowgirl” rapper’s forthcoming world tour slated to kick off next year, supporters are trying to memorize the lyrics to the 24 songs and remixes shared on the body of work and Gag City deluxe version.

But fans believe, as she’s hinted, there is still more music to come. Although it doesn’t appear Minaj’s verse on “New Body” will make it to streaming services, supporters are turning their attention to another collaboration. Will Lil Nas X drop a remix of Nicki Minaj’s “FTCU” is now the question at the top of their minds. The answer is: maybe.

Today (December 15), the former Barb fan account manager took to his official X (formerly Twitter) to share a tease freestyle he recorded over the ATL Jacob-produced instrumental.

“We gone f*ck that club up / We gone throw some dubs up / If you broke, ain’t got no money, n**** shut the f*ck up / Shout out Miss Onika Tonya, that’s my mama, that’s on God / If you f*cking up the club, hit up Nas Maraj / I am in and in and out of town, ATL underground I stay in the South, been in Houston mo’ than Bobby Brown / F*ck this society, I do things in my way / It’s Onika and Lil Nassy, it’s a Pink-er Friday,” raps Lil Nas X.

Who knows if the pair will ever officially link, but for now, fans will hold on to the “FTCU” Nas Maraj mix for as long as they can.

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‘Stranger Things’ Season 5: Everything To Know Including The Release Date, Cast, Trailer, & More Info

Stranger Things
Netflix

Stranger Things 4 delivered a massive, epic adventure featuring the Hawkins crew (and huge ratings for Netflix) as it set the stage for the show’s next season, the highly anticipated Stranger Things 5. Series creator The Duffer Brothers have confirmed that this will the last installment for Eleven and the gang, so here’s everything we know about the final season that will bring the fan-favorite supernatural show to a close.

Plot

Stranger Things 4 ended with Vecna (Jamie Campbell Bower) shattering the barrier between the real world and the Upside Down, causing cataclysmic destruction to Hawkins. As fiery rifts formed across the town, our heroes stood and watched at the epic showdown that was no counting coming to their doorsteps, literally.

Obviously Stranger Things 5 will deal with the aftermath of Vecna’s destruction, but outside of that, there’s very little details in the way of plot. However, David Harbour did tease that the beloved characters will get a proper sendoff.

“I’m excited to go back. I’m excited to wrap it up in a bold, amazing way,” Harbour told Variety. “I’m excited to really swing with this character, because you know they’re going to pay off these OG characters: Eleven, Hopper, Joyce, Will, Mike. They’re going to pay them off in big ways because they’ve lived with you for the past eight years.”

Cast

As of this writing, all of the original cast members are slated to return for the epic final season. That includes Millie Bobby Brown as Eleven, Finn Wolfhard as Mike, Caleb McLaughlin as Lucas, Gaten Matarazzo as Dustin, Noah Schnapp as Will, Natalia Dyer as Nancy, Joe Keery as Steve, Charlie Heaton as Jonathan, Sadie Sink as Max, Maya Hawke as Robin, Winona Ryder as Joyce, and David Harbour as Hopper.

Release Date

With the SAG-AFTRA strike now resolved, Stranger Things 5 is only just picking up production on January 8, 2024, according to Deadline. Unlike other major series and films, the show had not yet started filming and the Duffer Brothers made the call to pull the plug with the dual strikes looming. However, Netflix and the creative team are aggressively making moves to get Stranger Things 5 up and running. Star David Harbour said the production team immediately called him within minutes of the SAG-AFTRA strike ending to get him on a plane as soon as possible.

In the meantime, factoring in the demands for CGI production and editing for the massive final season, the likely release window for Stranger Things 5 is Summer 2025. That said, without an official confirmation from Netflix that timeframe could shift to an earlier release or, and we’re sorry to say this, get pushed back. Fingers crossed it’s not the latter.

Trailer

Considering Stranger Things 5 hasn’t started filming yet, there’s little in the way of promotional materials. A trailer isn’t likely for several months if not a whole year.

The first four Stranger Things are available for streaming exclusively on Netflix.

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‘Stranger Things’ Season 5: Everything To Know Including The Release Date, Cast, Trailer, & More Info

Stranger Things
Netflix

Stranger Things 4 delivered a massive, epic adventure featuring the Hawkins crew (and huge ratings for Netflix) as it set the stage for the show’s next season, the highly anticipated Stranger Things 5. Series creator The Duffer Brothers have confirmed that this will the last installment for Eleven and the gang, so here’s everything we know about the final season that will bring the fan-favorite supernatural show to a close.

Plot

Stranger Things 4 ended with Vecna (Jamie Campbell Bower) shattering the barrier between the real world and the Upside Down, causing cataclysmic destruction to Hawkins. As fiery rifts formed across the town, our heroes stood and watched at the epic showdown that was no counting coming to their doorsteps, literally.

Obviously Stranger Things 5 will deal with the aftermath of Vecna’s destruction, but outside of that, there’s very little details in the way of plot. However, David Harbour did tease that the beloved characters will get a proper sendoff.

“I’m excited to go back. I’m excited to wrap it up in a bold, amazing way,” Harbour told Variety. “I’m excited to really swing with this character, because you know they’re going to pay off these OG characters: Eleven, Hopper, Joyce, Will, Mike. They’re going to pay them off in big ways because they’ve lived with you for the past eight years.”

Cast

As of this writing, all of the original cast members are slated to return for the epic final season. That includes Millie Bobby Brown as Eleven, Finn Wolfhard as Mike, Caleb McLaughlin as Lucas, Gaten Matarazzo as Dustin, Noah Schnapp as Will, Natalia Dyer as Nancy, Joe Keery as Steve, Charlie Heaton as Jonathan, Sadie Sink as Max, Maya Hawke as Robin, Winona Ryder as Joyce, and David Harbour as Hopper.

Release Date

With the SAG-AFTRA strike now resolved, Stranger Things 5 is only just picking up production on January 8, 2024, according to Deadline. Unlike other major series and films, the show had not yet started filming and the Duffer Brothers made the call to pull the plug with the dual strikes looming. However, Netflix and the creative team are aggressively making moves to get Stranger Things 5 up and running. Star David Harbour said the production team immediately called him within minutes of the SAG-AFTRA strike ending to get him on a plane as soon as possible.

In the meantime, factoring in the demands for CGI production and editing for the massive final season, the likely release window for Stranger Things 5 is Summer 2025. That said, without an official confirmation from Netflix that timeframe could shift to an earlier release or, and we’re sorry to say this, get pushed back. Fingers crossed it’s not the latter.

Trailer

Considering Stranger Things 5 hasn’t started filming yet, there’s little in the way of promotional materials. A trailer isn’t likely for several months if not a whole year.

The first four Stranger Things are available for streaming exclusively on Netflix.

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Selena Gomez And Benny Blanco Seal Their Relationship With A Kiss And Go Instagram-Official

Selena Gomez Benny Blanco I Can't Get Enough
Interscope

Last week, rumors about Selena Gomez, that she is in a relationship with producer Benny Blanco, came to a head when she addressed them herself. In some Instagram comments, she wrote, “He is my absolute everything in my heart” and called him “the best thing that’s ever happened to me” and “better than anyone I’ve ever been with.”

Now, they’ve gone ahead and made it Instagram-official.

Late last night/early this morning (December 15), Gomez posted a gallery captioned, “New York, my favorite moments w you this week [white heart emoji].” Blanco appears in a couple of the photos: One where he hugs her from behind as she’s seated, and a black-and-white snap of them kissing.

Blanco, ever the goofball, commented on the post with a pineapple emoji.

There have been a number of new high-profile relationships to surface in the pop world in 2023. Of course, there’s Gomez pal Taylor Swift (who’s featured in one of the photos from the post above) linking up with NFL star Travis Kelce. More recently, Olivia Rodrigo has been linked with Enola Holmes actor Louis Partridge, after they were spotted making out outside of a gas station earlier this week.

One thing Gomez doesn’t have in common with those two is that, unlike them, she was just named one of the most popular artists on TikTok for 2023.

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Selena Gomez And Benny Blanco Seal Their Relationship With A Kiss And Go Instagram-Official

Selena Gomez Benny Blanco I Can't Get Enough
Interscope

Last week, rumors about Selena Gomez, that she is in a relationship with producer Benny Blanco, came to a head when she addressed them herself. In some Instagram comments, she wrote, “He is my absolute everything in my heart” and called him “the best thing that’s ever happened to me” and “better than anyone I’ve ever been with.”

Now, they’ve gone ahead and made it Instagram-official.

Late last night/early this morning (December 15), Gomez posted a gallery captioned, “New York, my favorite moments w you this week [white heart emoji].” Blanco appears in a couple of the photos: One where he hugs her from behind as she’s seated, and a black-and-white snap of them kissing.

Blanco, ever the goofball, commented on the post with a pineapple emoji.

There have been a number of new high-profile relationships to surface in the pop world in 2023. Of course, there’s Gomez pal Taylor Swift (who’s featured in one of the photos from the post above) linking up with NFL star Travis Kelce. More recently, Olivia Rodrigo has been linked with Enola Holmes actor Louis Partridge, after they were spotted making out outside of a gas station earlier this week.

One thing Gomez doesn’t have in common with those two is that, unlike them, she was just named one of the most popular artists on TikTok for 2023.

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The Ex-Husband Of Tom Cruise’s Rumored New Love Interest Wanted The Actor To Play Him In A Movie

tom cruise
Getty Image

Has Tom Cruise found someone to share his Christmas cake with?

The Mission: Impossible actor was reportedly spotted “canoodling” at a party in London with Elsina Khayrova, who the Daily Mail described as “the daughter of a prominent Russian MP and ex-wife of a diamond-trading oligarch.”

The former husband, Dmitry Tsetkov, offered Cruise some advice about being with Khayrova. “Irrespective of whoever she’s with, Tom Cruise or anybody else, they should be aware that she likes the finer things in life and has expensive and luxurious taste. Tom should keep his eyes and wallet wide open,” he told the Daily Mail. “I’m happy for her, I wish her all the best.”

Mr. Tsetkov, 43, who made his fortune in diamonds and mining, claims that his acrimonious three-year divorce battle cost him £150million [$190 million]. He says he watched his fortune dwindle from £200million [$253 million] while he was with his wife to just £50million [$63 million] afterwards as he was forced to sell off his assets to pay legal fees or hand them over to his wife.

Tsetkov hasn’t spoken to Khayrova since the rumors started “because our preferred method of communication is through our lawyers. She’s 36, she’s beautiful, financially independent and loves life.” He said she’s “never been a big Tom Cruise fan,” but he is. In fact, Khayrova, who has survived multiple assassination attempts, was “in talks” with a producer about making a movie based on his life. Who does he want to play him? Tom Cruise, of course.

“I told the producer that the only actor who could play me is Tom Cruise. We’re about the same height and weight and I would be honored if that could happen. I couldn’t think of anyone better to play me than Tom. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to meet him one day to discuss this project,” he said.

In the spirit of the holiday season, Cruise, Tsetkov, and Khayrova should gather around the fireplace, drink hot chocolate, and watch a Christmas movie together. I hear Eyes Wide Shut is a good one.

(Via the Daily Mail)

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Why Did Lil Yachty Have A ‘Friendly Beef’ With Migos Early In His Career?

In hip-hop’s 50 years, crews, groups, collectives, labels, or whatever you’d like to refer to them have always been around. Some of the most prevalent back in the day include Death Row, Roc-A-Fella, Cash Money, and No Limit Records. But in today’s time, the first record label to come to mind for most is Quality Control Music (or QC). But standing out against the big wigs isn’t as simple as it may seem.

The Paradigm” rapper Lil Yachty spilled the beans behind his early days on the label. His confession revealed that, at one point, there was even some pinned-up energy between him and the label’s biggest act, Migos. So, why did Lil Yachty have a ‘friendly beef’ with Migos early in his career?

Yesterday (December 14), on his podcast, A Safe Place, while chatting with QC’s founders Kevin “Coach K” Lee and Pierre “P” Thomas, Yachty recounted the brotherly tension. “Quavo used to be so mean to me! It became like a friendly beef. It was like this thing of battling with me against all three Migos when it came to cars, when it came to jewelry, when it came to women, when it came to clothes, everything,” said Yachty.

He continued, “When Quavo got a new chain, I had to get a new chain. Offset got a new chain, I get a new chain. Takeoff get a new watch, I would go and get a new watch. I used to always feel like everyone was trying to little bro me. At first, they thought I was weird as sh*t. They was like, ‘This n**** is weird as f*ck.’”

Eventually, the two became close friends after Yachty was able to make it through that haze-like period.

Watch the full interview above.

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5 things I didn’t want to hear when I was grieving and 1 thing that helped

In 2013, I found out I was pregnant with triplets.

Image via iStock.

My husband and I were in shock but thrilled at the news after dealing with infertility for years. And it didn’t take long for the comments to begin. When people found out, the usual remarks followed: “Triplets?! What are you going to do? Three kids at once?! Glad it’s not me!”

After mastering my response (and an evil look reserved for the rudest comments), I figured that was the worst of it. But little did I know I would be facing far worse comments after two of my triplets passed away.

On June 23, 2013, I gave birth to my triplets, more than four months premature.

My daughter, Abigail, passed away that same day; my son, Parker, died just shy of 2 months old. Before then, I didn’t know much about child loss; it was uncharted territory. Like most people, I wouldn’t know how to respond or what to say if a friend’s child passed away.

Image via iStock.

But two years later, I have found that some things are better left unsaid. These comments come from a good place, and I know people mean well, but they sure do sting.

Here are my top five things not to say to a grieving parent — and the thing I love to hear instead.


1. “Everything happens for a reason.”

It’s a cringeworthy comment for those of us who have lost a child. Sometimes, there is no rhyme or reason for why things happen in life. A parent should not outlive their child. I don’t know why my body couldn’t handle my pregnancy or why I went into labor at 22 weeks.

This phrase goes along with another I often hear: “God only gives us what we can handle.” I remember talking with my childhood rabbi the night before my son passed away, and I asked her, “Why me?” Her response is something I now live by every single day. She said, “God doesn’t give us only what we can handle. He helps us handle what we’ve been given.”

2. “They are in a better place.”

Instead of comforting, this is a phrase that makes me feel down in the dumps. I longed to be a parent for so many years. And children are meant to be in the loving arms of their parents.

I think I speak for every grieving mother and father when I say, we would give anything to hold our babies again.

3. “At least you have one survivor. Count your blessings.”

I like to think of myself as a positive person. But even two years later, my heart still aches for Parker and Abby. And on the most difficult, dark days of grief, it’s hard to “count my blessings.”

Yes, I am blessed. I have a gorgeous miracle child who is the light of my life. But Peyton should be playing with her brother and sister in our home, not just waving to their pictures and blowing kisses to heaven.

4. “You are still young. You can have more children.”

It doesn’t matter whether or not our biological clock is ticking. Many people have no idea what couples go through to have a child: Some can’t have children of their own; others may face years of infertility or miscarriages. And for people like me, trying for more children may be something too scary to even think about. I came close to death after delivering my children — that’s enough to scar me for life.

5. “I don’t know how you do it. I couldn’t imagine losing two children.”

Some days I don’t know how I do it either. But we learn how to live with it. We learn a “new normal,” and in those tough moments, we celebrate that we survived the day. This comment is a difficult reminder of our grief and the children who were sent to heaven.

So, what should you say to a grieving parent?

There are no words to take the pain away, of course, but simply letting that person know you are there for them is more than enough.

For me, the best thing someone can do is to talk about my angels. Say Parker and Abby by name, and don’t be afraid to ask questions about them.

While they were only here for a short time, they left a huge imprint on this world. I love talking about my angels, and simply hearing someone else mention them by name is enough to wipe away the grief and warm my heart for days.

This article was written by Stacey Skrysak and originally appeared on July 15, 2016