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Most abusers don’t start their relationships by hitting their partners. That’s why early warning signs are vital to recognize.

I know two women who recently left abusive partners. Both men seemed sweet and likable—even gentle—each time I saw them. Both had some lovely qualities as people and even as partners. And both turned out to be controlling, increasingly abusive partners behind closed doors.

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The thing about domestic violence is that most people don’t enter into relationships with someone who abuses them from the get go. It’s often like the analogy of the frog in boiling water. If you place a frog into a pot of boiling water, it’ll jump right out. But if you put it in a cool pot and gradually increase the temperature, the frog won’t recognize that it’s being slowly cooked until it’s too late.

Abuse usually comes on gradually, with plenty of opportunity to manipulate and forgive and justify the water getting warmer. That’s why many stay in abusive relationships far longer than they should.

A domestic violence counselor suggests a simple test to help identify potential abusers early in a relationship.

Rob Andrews is a domestic violence counselor in Australia. He told ABC News that he advises people to use what he calls the “No Test” to identify potential red flags early on in a relationship.

“The No Test is basically to watch out for the way your partner responds the first time you change your mind or say no,” Andrews said.

“While expressing disappointment is OK, it’s not the same as annoyed. Annoyed is ‘how dare you,’ a sign of ownership or entitlement.”

Ownership, entitlement, control—these are red flags that often lead to increasingly abusive behavior. And though women can definitely be abusers, the reality is that women are much more likely to be the victims of domestic violence and male abusers tend to be more dangerous to their partners.

“A lot of the women who will present to services will see themselves as part of the problem,” Andrews said. “They’ll ask themselves why they’re always attracted to abusive men, blame themselves for not being assertive enough, blame themselves for pushing their partner’s buttons, causing their anger.”

“With the No Test, we’re not trying to give women knowledge that they didn’t already know,” he said, “but when they see it in black and white in front of them like that, they realize they of course have the right to say no, that they aren’t to blame.”

Andrews describes our patriarchal history as “the nut of the problem.”

Andrews said that some people erroneously tell women that they should just be more assertive with their partners, letting them know they won’t stand for controlling or abusive behavior, but that’s not always the best tack to take.

“Being assertive with a man who’s threatening to bash you is not a very good idea,” he said. “It almost comes from what I’d call ‘deficit thinking,’ that somehow these women need to be trained up so that the people won’t abuse them. The only person who can stop the abuse is the person who is doing the abusing.”

Andrews works with men who are struggling with their own behavior and want to change. He has them think about what kind of man they really want to be and work with them to align their behavior with that vision.

“I hear a lot of people saying how it’s so hard for men now, it’s all so confusing,” he said. “It’s very easy to be a man. Just be polite and respectful to people, it’s not that difficult really.”

“But in saying that,” he added, “we are to some extent dealing with 2,000 years of history of women being a second-class citizen. That’s the nut of the problem and we’ve got to keep chipping away at it.”

This article originally appeared on 02.11.19

There are many traditional staples of fatherhood—love, support, protection, security, providing an example—but there is, of course, that other not-so-warm-and-fuzzy feeling that dads can provoke in their kids at any given moment … sheer, utter embarrassment.

Usually in a father’s humiliation tool belt is the infamous dad joke. These corny puns have been around since 2003, and let’s face it, they’ll never leave. Of course, no dad needs one to make your eyes roll. They can do that most of the time simply by being themselves.

For his well-known #Hashtags segment, Jimmy Fallon asked his “Tonight Show” audience to share “funny, weird, or embarrassing” stories about their dads. Fallon, a father himself, is no stranger to the cringeworthy power of a dad joke. In a 2020 interview with TODAY, Fallon admitted, “I’m starting to get the eye rolls now where Daddy’s not the funniest person in the world.”

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Don’t worry Fallon! Clearly you’re not alone, because people replied with some truly hilarious comments. Dads might be silly, but we’ll gladly put up with it for the love they give us.

Enjoy 20 of the very best #DadStories. As usual, Fallon went first:

1.

“Instead of buying a smoker my dad just grills in the garage with the door closed.” – @jimmyfallon

2.

“At my aunt’s wedding reception, my dad ran out from the bathroom when he heard You Should Be Dancing by the Bee Gees play, and proceeded to do John Travolta’s routine from Saturday Night Fever.” – @MJ_Rose88

3.

“My Dad will call me sometimes when he wants me to bring him food. He refers to me as ‘GrubDash.'” – @FalPalAMF828

4.

“My dad likes to play a very morbid game called ‘guess who died’, which consists of him gossiping about someone I probably haven’t seen in 20+ years and can’t remember at all, who died recently. Bonus points for guessing the cause of death.” – @jon_jonz

5.

“My dad used to drink his morning coffee with his dentures in his hand while reading the newspaper. When we asked him why, he said his teeth also wanted to read the newspaper.” – @FallonHolic_

6.

“When my dad took my sister to her first Jr. HS dance, she asked to be dropped off a block before the school. My dad proceeded to take her all the way up to the main entrance, got out of the car and loudly announced her arrival!” – @77BroncosFan

7.

“Asked my dad if he knew who Taylor Swift was…he said, I don’t care who he is!” – @JessyKrupa

8.

“My dad whistles really loud. He sticks his head out the window and whistles back to birds. But when the lady next door heard him, she called 911. The cops told her, ‘Lady, he didn’t whistle at you. He only flirts with birds.'” – @tostianascripts

9.

“When my dad would leave a message on my answering machine, he would end the message saying, ‘This is dad signing off.'” – @RealRobFindor

10.

“We were on vacation and the gift shops selling fudge called plain fudge ‘chocolate no nuts.’ A guy walked up to my dad with some samples and offered him some saying ‘chocolate no nuts?’ And my dad said ‘what did you just call me?'” – @lauraceciliaOT

11.

“My Dad laid a new floor in my brother’s house. It was all finished so we couldn’t understand why he was taking up the boards again. Turns out he had seen a spider run underneath and was worried it would be trapped.” – @Sohnzie

12.

“Whenever my dad would try to talk us into trying something new to eat he’d state, ‘It’s so good it’ll put hair on your chest.’ He had 3 daughters.” – @Bookelew

13.

“My mom once bought a 6 ft Santa statue at a yard sale without telling dad. When he got home and parked, we heard banging, crashing and swearing. We went to look and the Santa was laying face down on the curb. Dad thought someone was trying to jump him.” – @dknessfalls

14.

“My dad couldn’t decide if he wanted to be called ‘grandpa’ or ‘papa’ so he just told all of us to call him ‘Coach.’ He’s not a coach.” – @iPopEditor

15.

“My father went to the McDonalds drive thru and asked for a whopper. When they said ‘they didn’t have whoppers’, He just drove off without placing an order.” – @Marisa_Rosie22

16.

“One day we went out to eat at Pizza Hut and sat in front of an empty table with some pizza left on it. My dad, being the penny pincher he is, grabbed some and started eating it. A few minutes later the couple comes back from the bathroom asking ‘where’s our pizza?'” – @Alex_Erickson3

17.

“My dad let a bee land on his hand and watched it closely as it stung him because he ‘wanted to see the process up close.'” – @TrippyPsycholo1

18.

“My dad once tried to tell a lady she had a Big Bug on her, but accidentally told her she had a Really Big Butt. She was not amused.” – @Sallyjo25

19.

“My dad thinks it’s funny to introduce my mom as his ‘first wife’….my parents have been married for 58 years and are in their late 80’s.” – @annMcD87

20.

“My dad entered Canada by swimming across the Niagara from the US under the cover of night.” – @albertduic

This story originally appeared on 06.17.22

Dance is a unique art form in that the medium it utilizes is the human body itself. Simply through purposeful and graceful control of movement, dancers can express and evoke joy, sadness, fear, confusion—the whole range of human emotion. And when dancing is done well, it’s utterly mesmerizing.

Such is the case with Mariandrea, a 14-year-old from Mexico who auditioned for America’s Got Talent in July of 2023 and wowed both the judges and the audience with her dance performance. She has been dancing since she was 5, and as Simon Cowell pointed out, it’s clear that she was born to do this.

After showing off her sparkling personality during the pre-performance interview, Mariandrea danced to a cover of Tears for Fears’ “Mad World,” personifying the song in her performance. But it wasn’t just her intentional movement that reflected the emotional complexity of the ever-popular hit. Her facial expressions, ranging from subtle fear to a clown-like smile to genuine sorrow to angry defiance, change on a dime, adding an acting element to her routine that takes it to the next level.

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Add in the incredible control she has of her body as it twists and turns and seems to defy gravity, both gracefully flowing and disturbingly contorting, and it’s easy to see why she earned a standing ovation and enthusiastic praise from all four judges.

Watch:

For someone so young to have such a strong grasp of her craft is quite extraordinary, and people were wowed by her talent as well as her showmanship.

“I had to watch this more than once. Her smile, energy, and face reminds me of a young Natalie Portman. You can tell she is more than a dancer also, very intelligent, expressive, talented, yes acting too. Wow! Congratulations!” shared one commenter.

“This young lady has a very bright future ahead of her! The passion that she emanated while dancing was above and beyond what we have seen in half the dancers that are older than her… Can’t wait to see what she does next!!!” wrote another.

“Stunned. I would have given her a golden buzzer. The sharpness, flexibility, timing, theatrics, and costume use. 10/10,” shared another.

One commenter pointed out that her dance felt like a monologue, and another person called it “absolute art.” Many people expressed disappointment that she didn’t receive the Golden Buzzer, which would propel her immediately to the final round. But if her other performances are anything like this one, she’s got a pretty decent chance of making it to the finals without it.

This article originally appeared on 9.18.23

Think back to all those centuries ago (kidding), when you were but a wee teen in high school. Suddenly identity exploration and finding a sense of belonging become paramount. In those pivotal years, you meet other like-minded individuals with similar tastes and interests, and those people become your exclusive group of friends, otherwise known as a clique.

High school might look very different now than how it once did, but this rite of passage is still very much alive and well. Just ask Ms. C, who goes by the handle @stillateacher on TikTok.

Ms. C recently went viral for sharing a look at high school cliques from her perspective as a teacher, honing in on what she liked about teaching each clique. Her observations illuminate not only that yes, cliques persist (and with them their inherent problems) but that there’s something genuine, sweet and loveable about each one.

First on deck—the goth kids, primarily because Ms. C admits to being scared of them when she was a kid. But now, after actually connecting with a few, she insists that underneath those dark and gloomy exteriors lies genuine kindness.

“A common interaction between me and a goth kid is throughout class, they’re just kind of like giving me a death glare…And then after class, they just like linger around by my desk and I’m like, ‘Hey, what’s up?’ And they’ll just like lightly knock over something on my desk and be like, ‘You’re a really good teacher. This is my favorite class.’ and then just walk out,” she says in the clip.

So yeah, goth kids are just like cats. Misunderstood in the way they show love.

@stillateacher Something loveable about every clique #teacher #teachersoftiktok #teachertok #highschool #clique ♬ original sound – Ms. C

On the opposite side of the spectrum, Ms. C tackles theater kids next. Sure, this group has a big personality (perhaps too big for some), but Ms. C appreciates their brazen self-assurance.

“They reeeeealllly don’t care what anyone thinks,” she says, explaining that while other students add well-known pop singers to her class playlist, theater kids will shamelessly put in their favorite show tunes. Why? Because it’s “the best musical of all time!” Duh.

Plus, Ms. C commends their “really strong literacy skills from reading and memorizing all of these plays.”

For jocks, there are actually sub-cliques within the group “depending on which sport you play.” But despite each sport team having different personalities, Ms. C notes that a supportive coach makes all the difference.

“I’ve literally before picked up my phone and called the coach and then like be like, ‘So and so is having a tough day,’ and they come and talk to them in the hallway and the student is like immediately changed, inspired, transformed,” she says.

And while she admits that the teacher/jock relationship is often portrayed as contentious, she can’t help but commend jocks for their passion and commitment.

“A lot of the kids are just like die-hard for whatever sport they play. That keeps them coming to school consistently. It keeps them having something to do,” she says.

After her initial post received over 800,000 views, Ms. C began reviewing even more cliques. Like band kids, who are “clever,” “sarcastic,” fond of outdated memes and generally “lead a fun, joyful existence.”

@stillateacher Replying to @juan pablo Suarez band kids get a 5 star review #teacher #teachersoftiktok #teachertok #highschool #clique ♬ original sound – Ms. C

Or art kids, who are “self-deprecating” but “brilliant” and “generous” and “unproblematic royalty” overall.

@stillateacher Replying to @Escape_My_Reality ♬ original sound – Ms. C

Ms. C has even advocated for the AP overachievers, who are often labeled as insufferable in their eagerness.

@stillateacher Replying to @520momo_mama I will defend overachievers to the death #teacher #teachersoftiktok #teachertok #highschool #clique ♬ original sound – Ms. C

“You all have an edge and an intensity that you can leverage to lead truly extraordinary lives,” says, before joking that they’ll “also need a lot of therapy, so many blessings to you on that journey, and the earlier you start the better.”

Requests for more clique reviews are still rolling in, asking Ms. C to cover the skater punks, the nerds, the speech and debate team, cheerleaders and dancers, …and a lot of folks have suggested choir kids. So be sure to follow Ms. C for more wholesome entertainment.

High school cliques might evolve with the different generations, but one thing that will never change is that they each have something unique to offer.

This article originally appeared on 9.18.23

My family recently spent a week exploring Vienna, Austria, getting a first-hand look at why it’s been named “the world’s most livable city” for 8 out of the past 10 years. As we enjoyed the efficient public transportation system and meandered the picturesque streets filled with gorgeous architecture, we did find ourselves thinking, “Yeah, we could live here.”

Part of that feeling was prompted by the beauty of the place, but as we spent hours walking through the historic heart of the city, something else struck me. Unlike every other big city I’ve visited in recent years, I didn’t see anyone sleeping on the sidewalk. No tents as makeshift homes set up anywhere. It was so striking, I kept wondering, “Where were all the homeless people?”

Vienna is home to 1.9 million people—more than twice the population of Seattle or Boston, where you can’t walk for 5 minutes through downtown without seeing multiple people experiencing homelessness. I began to wonder if perhaps Vienna was a case of homelessness being shoved out of view into slums or something. But after digging a bit, I learned that Vienna does have some population. It just doesn’t have the numbers or the homelessness problem problem that most modern large cities do, thanks to its 100-year-old approach to affordable housing.

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In the late 19th century, Vienna faced a huge housing and economic crisis. It was bad, even contributing to a tragically young life expectancy in 1900.

To address the problem, from 1919 to 1934, the city poured tax revenue into public housing—but not like any public housing most of us have ever seen. Known as as Volkswohnungspaläste, or “people’s apartment palaces,” the homes that were built were multi-story apartment blocks built with quality materials and beautified architectural details. They included green spaces and playgrounds and were built with easy access to medical facilities, schools, libraries, post offices and theater spaces.

The ideas was the government housing should be conducive to a good quality of life for all. And this novel concept has been at the heart of the approach to housing in Vienna ever since. Today, more than 60% of the Viennese population lives in government-subsidized housing and nearly nearly half of the housing market is city-owned flats or cooperative apartments. There is no stigma attached to public housing, which is interspersed throughout the city.

While other European cities began to privatize and commodify housing in the 1980s and 90s, Vienna held the course, viewing housing as a human right. And now it’s being named the “world’s most livable city” almost every year. Go figure.

In the fall of 2022, a delegation of 50 American tenant and homeless leaders, organizers, researchers, and elected officials visited Vienna to learn more about their social housing programs. Here were a few of their impressions they shared with “The Nation”:

“The attitude there is so different than what we have in the United States. We have it ingrained that public things are supposed to be nasty, supposed to be the lowest of the low. But to see what we saw in Vienna, it was like, wow, it is achievable to have housing that is government-owned, for the people, and beautiful.” – Julie Cohon, lead housing organizer at Northwest Bronx Community and Clergy Coalition

“I work hard. And, I still don’t have a safe place to live. In Vienna, we saw regular people who had not only safe but beautiful spaces. [When we were touring Sonnwendviertel, a 5,500 apartment social housing development not far from the city’s main train station], I kept noticing a lot of kids. And we saw how space was really designed for them: lots of day care centers and beautiful, car-free streets. What we saw is when the profit motive is taken out of housing, it’s a game changer.” – Dorca Reynoso, board member of the Met Council Action

“My main reflections from Vienna was how long the culture of housing for all has been in existence. The quality of social housing was also interesting: the Viennese government chose maintaining well-constructed buildings, rather than demolishing and rebuilding every 30 to 50 years. The very first municipal complex was built in 1924 and is still fully occupied today.” – India Walton, senior adviser at the Working Families Party

Is it possible to apply what has been learned in Vienna over the past century to other places? Why not? Considering the unaffordability of housing in so many cities, it seems worth a try. Housing isn’t the only thing that makes Vienna a highly livable city, but it definitely plays a huge role. When housing is reasonably desirable at every price point and people aren’t worried about affording a nice roof over their heads, it’s easier to address the other things that make life good. It at least seems like a good place to start.

For many of us, Christmas is that time of year when we come together with family members (both blood relatives and chosen tribes alike) that we don’t get to see all that often. It’s a time when sweet reunion meets silly merriment, if we’re lucky.

But sometimes, our normal traditions might put us in a rut, or maybe it’s a challenge to get everyone in a completely playful mood.

That’s where the Christmas Olympics come in.

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Christmas Olympics are any combination of festive party games involving staples of the season—marshmallows, candy canes, Santa hats, you get the picture.

While it’s not difficult finding different versions of Christmas Olympics online, the Dell family might be the ultimate example of how to do it right.

In a video posted to Instagram by Erica Dell we see the following games:

Snow shovel—where participants use a spatula to scoop marshmallows up and into a bowl…while blindfolded.

Hungry Hungry Reindeer—yup, just like Hungry, Hungry, Hippo. Only this time, the “reindeer” are red solo cups that contestants wear on their hands as they try to snag the most marshmallows. Who knew that marshmallows could be such a versatile game prop?

Santa’s Sack Stack—red solos cups are placed in a line, and gamers have to stack them by blowing up a red balloon inside and moving them hands free. Beware: this one might make you lightheaded.

Candy Cane Fishing— four cups holding what looks like chocolate syrup at the bottom, along with four candy canes each, are placed onto a table. Using a candy cane palace in their mouth as a makeshift fish hook, competitors must fish out as many candy canes as possible. Probably best to wear a ponytail for this one, if you have long hair.

Watch below. There’s no denying each family member is having the time of their life.

See on Instagram

Obviously one of the best things about these games is that they are so simple and super affordable. The most someone might spend is..what? Twenty bucks for the red solo cups? Plus people tend to buy a lot of these holiday items anyway, sometimes to a bit of excess, and they would have gone unused. Christmas Olympics are just a win-win for everyone…even those who lose.

And if you’re looking for even more inspo, TikTok provides:

@jay_me_michele Try this Christmas game! #christmas #christmasolympics #christmasgames ♬ Jingle Bell Rock – Bobby Helms

@vnw1118 Holiday Olympic Games🎄 – Marshmellow grab (with straw only) – Candle blowing – Fast Walk – Stack cup, only using balloon #holidaygames #christmasolympics #familyfun #merrychristmas #marshmallow #balloon ♬ Jingle Bell Rock – Bobby Helms

@kolourmemisfit_24 Christmas olympics game ideas! #christmasgames #christmastiktok #christmasgameswithfamily #christmasolympics #gamestiktok #familygames ♬ Pop and bright Christmas songs – G-axis sound music

Have a holly, jolly, super silly Christmas this year, everyone.

Snow doesn’t stop school busses from running in northern states. Outside of a blizzard, the snow plows run early in the morning just in time for busses to collect little kids to take them to school. But while the roads may be cleared up and sidewalks shoveled, the discarded snow collects on the side of the road which creates an obstacle for people who need to get from the road to the sidewalk.

In a video uploaded to social media by Memezar, a school bus drops of two little boys right in front of a snowbank likely caused by snow plows. The older boy climbed up the snow bank just fine but the younger one was struggling and help from the other child just wasn’t doing the trick.

It didn’t seem as if the bus driver could see the child struggling or maybe assumed he would make it up the tiny snow mountain because the driver drove away. Taking away the only thing protecting the boy from traffic–the flashing stop sign.

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A driver on the other side of the street could see the boy struggling and attempted to alert the bus driver but was unsuccessful. The bus drove away leaving the small child vulnerable as cars begin to speed by. But the quick-thinking concerned driver, blew his horn and put his own life at risk by using his own car to block traffic.

In no time the man scooped the boy up and placed him on the sidewalk next to the other child. Thanks to that kind stranger, the child left the situation uninjured and commenters can’t get enough of the driver’s actions.

“Thank you sir for taking time to help this boy. Bless you,” one person says.

“I would be livid about the bus leaving my child on a road that busy without waiting until they are safely off the road. That man is wonderful and caring. Thank you,” another commenter writes.

“Thank you for helping this Child. You have a kind heart,” someone says.

The entire video is a roller coaster of emotions from watching the boy struggle to seeing him helped to safety. You can watch the whole thing below.

Uproxx cover star Tate McRae is basking in well-earned fame. With the release of her new album, Think Later, the musician is gaining a heap of new doting fans and odd admirers. On Friday, December 8, McRae learned how strange the public can be.

During her album launch party at Kingston Przym in London, McRae was hit by an object someone threw from the crowd. In a video captured by a concertgoer, when McRae begins to open her eyes following the closing note of her song “You Broke Me First,” an attendee hurls a balled-up pair of socks toward her. When McRae’s eyes fully opened, she’s struck squarely in the face, which left her looking visibly disgusted.

“What was that? Was that a sock,” shrieks McRae.

People online commended McRae for laughing the incident off. However, she was sure to take to her Instagram stories to reprimand the attacker politely. She posted a screengrab of someone writing, “Why’d you have to hit her up like that?!?!? You should know it isn’t normal.”

Although McRae wasn’t seriously injured, as was the case for Bebe Rexha, she clearly does not support the growing trend of throwing things at entertainers.

Uproxx cover star Tate McRae is basking in well-earned fame. With the release of her new album, Think Later, the musician is gaining a heap of new doting fans and odd admirers. On Friday, December 8, McRae learned how strange the public can be.

During her album launch party at Kingston Przym in London, McRae was hit by an object someone threw from the crowd. In a video captured by a concertgoer, when McRae begins to open her eyes following the closing note of her song “You Broke Me First,” an attendee hurls a balled-up pair of socks toward her. When McRae’s eyes fully opened, she’s struck squarely in the face, which left her looking visibly disgusted.

“What was that? Was that a sock,” shrieks McRae.

People online commended McRae for laughing the incident off. However, she was sure to take to her Instagram stories to reprimand the attacker politely. She posted a screengrab of someone writing, “Why’d you have to hit her up like that?!?!? You should know it isn’t normal.”

Although McRae wasn’t seriously injured, as was the case for Bebe Rexha, she clearly does not support the growing trend of throwing things at entertainers.

Uproxx cover star Tate McRae is basking in well-earned fame. With the release of her new album, Think Later, the musician is gaining a heap of new doting fans and odd admirers. On Friday, December 8, McRae learned how strange the public can be.

During her album launch party at Kingston Przym in London, McRae was hit by an object someone threw from the crowd. In a video captured by a concertgoer, when McRae begins to open her eyes following the closing note of her song “You Broke Me First,” an attendee hurls a balled-up pair of socks toward her. When McRae’s eyes fully opened, she’s struck squarely in the face, which left her looking visibly disgusted.

“What was that? Was that a sock,” shrieks McRae.

People online commended McRae for laughing the incident off. However, she was sure to take to her Instagram stories to reprimand the attacker politely. She posted a screengrab of someone writing, “Why’d you have to hit her up like that?!?!? You should know it isn’t normal.”

Although McRae wasn’t seriously injured, as was the case for Bebe Rexha, she clearly does not support the growing trend of throwing things at entertainers.