Damian Lillard has finally been traded by the Portland Trail Blazers, but he is not headed to the Miami Heat as long has been expected. Instead, the Milwaukee Bucks were able to work out a deal to get Giannis Antetokounmpo a new superstar teammate, sending Jrue Holiday, a pick, and a pair of swaps to Portland in a three-team deal that also sees Deandre Ayton go to the Blazers for Jusuf Nurkic and more.
It was a wild, shocking trade announcement — a true Woj Bomb that came form out of nowhere — and it has left everyone around the league trying to figure out exactly what the full fallout will be. The obvious loser of the trade is Miami, as the Heat had designs on forming a new Big 3 with Dame, Jimmy Butler, and Bam Adebayo, but were never able to close the deal in part because they didn’t have the right assets to send back to Portland or a third team. Now, not only do they lose out on Dame, but Giannis was the next superstar potentially coming available after he applied pressure to the Bucks this summer to prove to him they wanted to win long-term before he inked a new extension.
That certainly seems to have been answered, and the Heat are left without a real good backup plan (maybe James Harden?) and have to figure out how to proceed. Jimmy Butler found out the way we all did when the Woj notification hit, and he posted his reaction on social media, somewhat cheekily calling on the NBA to investigate the Bucks for tampering.
There’s not really tampering to be done in a trade like this that doesn’t also feature a signing, but this is very funny from Jimmy. It’s about the only way to go about this if you’re Butler and the Heat, just laugh it off as best you can and get to work. Miami still has a good team, but they certainly have their work cut out for them if they’re going to make another run at the Finals with some serious heavyweights in the East and a roster that looks, on paper, to be worse than last year’s after the departures of Gabe Vincent and Max Strus.
Netflix somehow has no shortage of content coming your way, and this month, the streaming service takes further aim at Big Pharma on the heels of Hulu’s Dopesick and Netflix’s Painkiller. This shall happen by way of Mike Flanagan’s The Fall Of The House Of Usher (which, yes, is much different from the Poe short story) and Pain Hustlers with Emily Blunt and Chris Evans. These two projects arrive with tones that are nearly polar opposite, which will be a testament to the relief that Hollywood must feel to see the writers strike end, so creativity like this can continue full force.
Additionally, Big Mouth is still somehow cranking out hormone-monster mischief, and Lupin will bring its audience more smooth-ass heisting. New additions to the library include Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper dancing up a storm in Silver Linings Playbook along with Tom Cruise running in several Mission: Impossible movies. He does that a lot.
Here’s everything coming to (and leaving) Netflix in October.
Pain Hustlers (film streaming 10/27)
Emily Blunt portrays a down-on-her-luck single mom who launches a new career alongside Chris Evans’ pharmaceutical sales rep. Not a great idea, ultimately, given that she becomes involved in a racketeering scheme. Andy Garcia portrays an eccentric boss, and Blunt’s Liza begins to realize that this company’s rampant success is coming at a ghastly price for humanity. This is a dramatized version of the rise and fall of Insys Therapeutics, which peddled a opioid-based painkiller. That company no longer exists, and yeah, you will definitely find out why from this movie.
The Fall of the House of Usher (limited series streaming 10/12)
Mike Flanagan fans, get ready. The Haunting of Hill House and Midnight Mass showrunner is back along with Carla Gugino, who will spook your soul right out of your bod and deliver a “consequential” evening to “a collection of stunted hearts” that is the Usher family. Yikes. Do not expect a literal adaptation of the Edgar Allen Poe short story. The story focuses here on the hell created by ruthless siblings Roderick and Madeline Usher, who built Fortunato Pharmaceuticals into an empire of wealth, privilege, and power. Horrible secrets shall surface when the heirs to the Usher dynasty start dying at the hands of a mysterious woman, portrayed with glee by Gugino.
Lupin: Part 3 (series streaming 10/5)
The Gentleman Thief returns with Assane in hiding but not for long. He comes back to Paris and proposes a new plan to Claire and Raoul, but of course, the police and Assane’s enemies make this much easier said than done. At least he’ll look stylish while dealing with past ghosts and scheming like hell to escape that framing for murder.
Big Mouth: Season 7 (series streaming 10/20)
These hormone monsters are somehow still going in this penultimate season, and the characters are now in high school, dealing with change and more puberty. This season, Megan Thee Stallion, Lupita Nyong’o, Padma Lakshmi, Zazie Beetz, Billy Porter, and Stephanie Beatriz join the voice cast.
Avail. 10/1 60 Days In: Season 4 A Beautiful Mind
American Beauty
Backdraft
Casper
Catch Me If You Can
Cinderella Man
Colombiana
Drake & Josh: Seasons 1-3 Dune (2021) Elysium
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Gladiator
Hot Tub Time Machine
Kung Fu Panda
Love Actually
Margot at the Wedding
Miss Juneteenth
Mission: Impossible
Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol
Mission: Impossible II
Mission: Impossible III
My Best Friend’s Wedding
Role Models
Runaway Bride
Saving Private Ryan
Scarface
Sex and the City 2
Sex and the City: The Movie
The Adventures of Tintin
The Amazing Spider-Man
The Amazing Spider-Man 2
The Firm
The House Bunny
The Little Rascals (1994) War of the Worlds
Avail. 10/2 Strawberry Shortcake and the Beast of Berry Bog
Avail. 10/3 Beth Stelling: If You Didn’t Want Me Then
Avail. 10/4 Beckham
Keys to the Heart
Race to the Summit
Super Pumped: The Battle for Uber: Season 1
Avail. 10/5 Everything Now
Khufiya
Lupin: Part 3
Avail. 10/6 A Deadly Invitation
Ballerina
Fair Play
Avail. 10/7 Strong Girl Nam-soon
Avail. 10/9 After
Blippi’s Big Dino Adventure
Stranded with my Mother-in-Law
Avail. 10/10 DI4RIES: Season 2 Part 1 Last One Standing: Season 2
Avail. 10/11 Big Vape: The Rise and Fall of Juul
It Follows
Once Upon a Star
Pact of Silence
Avail. 10/12 Deliver Us from Evil
The Fall of the House of Usher
GOOD NIGHT WORLD
LEGO Ninjago: Dragons Rising: Season 1: Part 2
Avail. 10/13 The Conference
Ijogbon
Spy Kids
Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams
Spy Kids 3: Game Over
Avail. 10/15
Camp Courage
Avail. 10/16 Oggy Oggy: Season 3
Avail. 10/17 The Devil on Trial
Heather McMahan: Son I Never Had
I Woke Up A Vampire
Silver Linings Playbook
Avail. 10/18 Kaala Paani
Avail. 10/19 American Ninja Warrior Seasons 12-13 Bebefinn: Season 2 Bodies
Captain Laserhawk: A Blood Dragon Remi
Crashing Eid
Crypto Boy
Ghost Hunters: Seasons 8-9 Neon
Avail. 10/20 Big Mouth: Season 7 Creature
Disco Inferno
Doona!
Elite: Season 7 Flashback
Kandasamys: The Baby
Old Dads
Surviving Paradise
Vjeran Tomic: The Spider-Man of Paris
Avail. 10/23 Princess Power: Season 2
Avail. 10/24 The Family Business: Seasons 1-4 Get Gotti
Minions
Pete Holmes: I Am Not For Everyone
Avail. 10/25 Absolute Beginners
Burning Betrayal
Life on Our Planet
The UnXplained with William Shatner: Season 3
Avail. 10/26 PLUTO
Avail. 10/27 Pain Hustlers
Sister Death
Tore
Yellow Door: ’90s Lo-fi Film Club
Avail. 10/28 Castaway Diva
Avail. 10/29 Botched Season 1
Avail. 10/31 Ralph Barbosa: Cowabunga
And it’s your last chance to stream these titles:
Leaving 10/1 The Rental
Leaving 10/2 Jexi
Leaving 10/4 The Expendables
The Expendables 2
The Expendables 3
Leaving 10/5 American Pie: Girls’ Rules
Leaving 10/14 Half & Half: Seasons 1-4 One on One: Seasons 1-5
Leaving 10/31 Cliffhanger
Collateral
Coming to America
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Girl, Interrupted
Hey Arnold! The Jungle Movie
Into the Badlands: Seasons 1-3 LEGENDS OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE
Mile 22
No Strings Attached
Pride & Prejudice
Reservoir Dogs
Steel Magnolias
Tagged: Seasons 1-3 Terminator Genisys
The Pink Panther
The Pink Panther 2
The Thundermans: Seasons 1-2 Victorious: Seasons 1-2
Iron & Wine fans will get a double dose of music this November. The singer-songwriter is set to premiere a concert film called Who Can See Forever by way of a theatrical release. To accompany the film, he will also drop a live soundtrack album.
The concert film was shot at Haw River Ballroom in Saxapahaw, North Carolina and features Iron & Wine, whose real name is Sam Beam, performing 19 songs from various points of his illustrious career. On the set list are new versions of fan favorites, “Thomas County Law,” “Boy With a Coin,” and “Naked As We Came.”
According to a press release, the film will touch on “universally personal themes as Beam tackles managing his personal and professional life as an artist.” Who Can See Forever will receive a limited theatrical release this fall, and hit streaming platforms next year. Screening dates will be announced at a later date.
The soundtrack was produced by Beam and recorded by his long-time live sound engineer, Jelle Kuiper.
Ahead of the film premiere and the soundtrack release, you can see the Who Can See Forever cover art and tracklist below, and a live performance of “Thomas County Law” above.
Sub Pop
1. “The Trapeze Swinger”
2. “Boy With a Coin”
3. “Woman King”
4. “Thomas County Law”
5. “House By The Sea”
6. “About A Bruise”
7. “Sodom, South Georgia”
8. “Last Night”
9. “Monkeys Uptown”
10. “Wolves (Song Of The Shepherd’s Dog)”
11. “Grace For Saints And Ramblers”
12. “Dearest Forsaken”
13. “Glad Man Singing”
14. “On Your Wings”
15. “Passing Afternoon”
16. “Pagan Angel And A Borrowed Car”
17. “Naked As We Came”
18. “Call Your Boys”
19. “Muddy Hymnal”
Who Can See Forever is out 11/17 via Sub Pop. Find more information here.
Damian Lillard is finally on the move to an Eastern Conference powerhouse. The catch: Lillard is not on his way to the Miami Heat. Instead, the Milwaukee Bucks pulled off a blockbuster trade for the Portland Trail Blazers’ All-Star guard in a three-team deal that also includes the Phoenix Suns.
It is a gigantic move by Milwaukee, one that comes soon after Giannis Antetokounmpo once again made clear that he is prepared to look around when his contract is up if the team can’t keep competing for championships. Now, he has a new backcourt running mate, and in a fun turn of events, he’s previously identified Lillard as a player with whom he’d like to play.
In a Fresno barbershop called Phase II a few months ago, Giannis Antetokounmpo was asked of the one player he would like to play with. His response was Damian Lillard.
As it turns out, this feeling is shared by Lillard. Back in 2022, a fan asked Lillard on Twitter which player he’d pick out of anyone in the NBA to help him achieve his goal of getting to the Finals, and as you can guess, he selected his newest teammate.
While the pair have been teamed up alongside one another in the All-Star Game in the past, this obviously gives them the opportunity to line up alongside one another in far more meaningful games going forward. And while the top of the Eastern Conference is awfully good, it’s hard to think of a better trio in the conference than these two and Khris Middleton.
Great Lakes/Drowned Lands/Green Bench/Yuengling/istock/Uproxx
Fall weather is famously ideal for stouts, porters, and other dark beers. But it’s also the perfect time of year to take a deep dive into the world of lagers. While the weather is still warm(ish), refreshing pilsners and light lagers hit the spot. As the season progresses, your lager choices will become more malty, bready, and full-flavored.
James Couty, food and beverage manager at Chateau Carbide at Pendry Chicago prefers the Märzen-style lager during this time of year.
“Märzens typically boast a fuller body with a refreshing, sweet characteristic,” he notes. “These beers were traditionally brewed in March, hence the name ‘Märzen,’ before temperatures climbed too high. Lagered beers require lower temperatures for proper fermentation. They are then aged throughout the summer months and intended to be consumed in October.”
With October being prime time for many lagers, we knew we needed help separating the best of the bunch from the rest of the pack — so we went to the experts for help. We asked a handful of well-known bartenders to tell us about their picks for the best lagers for fall drinking. Keep scrolling to see them all.
Green Bench Postcard Pilsner
Green Bench
Heidi Finley, lead bartender at The Ritz-Carlton in Sarasota, Florida
Green Bench’s Postcard Pilsner Lager is the perfect choice for the fall as its lightly breaded malt accompanies fine-tuned spiced herbal hops, finishing with a well-balanced bitterness and tropical notes.
Tasting Notes:
Flaked maize and Mt. Hood hops give this classic pilsner a crisp, refreshing, sweet corn, and floral hop-filled flavors.
My lager for Fall is Ebbs Lager No. 3. For those who prefer lagers, Ebbs Lager No. 3 is a standout choice for fall. Its aroma features toasted cracker and bread, with a hint of honey and a subtle spicy floral hop note.
Tasting Notes:
With a medium-light mouthfeel and moderate carbonation, it offers a unique balance. The low hop bitterness and notes of honied toast on the palate make it an excellent pick for autumn sipping.
Old Irving A Different Kind of Helles
Old Irving
Alex Barbatsis, head bartender at The Whistler in Chicago
ABV: 4.8%
Average Price: Limited Availability
The Beer:
A Different Kind of Helles by Old Irving Brewing is a new lager made in collaboration with Chicago metal band Bloodletter. It’s a light lager with some maize and lightly hopped with Saaz hops. It’s 4.8% and one of the cleanest lagers around. It’s a perfect one to enjoy for your late fall ball games.
Tasting Notes:
Notes of sweet corn, cereal grains, honey, and floral, herbal, earthy hops make for a crisp, refreshing lager you’ll always want to keep in your fridge.
Drowned lands Winnow
Drowned lands
Tsuru Goto, food and beverage manager at Society Cafe in New York City
ABV: 5.2%
Average Price: Limited Availability
The Beer:
We love Drowned Lands Winnow, it’s their Foeder Aged Festbier. We’ve been loving their use of New York grown ingredients, and Festbier is the original slightly lighter Oktoberfest beer, so it’s a natural fall beer.
Tasting Notes:
Bready, sweet, floral, and lightly oak because of the Foeder aging, it’s a great take on the classic fall festbier.
The best lager and my favorite for fall is Peroni. Great for any season, Peroni Nastro Azzurro was crafted with typical Italian care and designed with the Mediterranean palate in mind. Roberto is the third generation from the Cavalli family to be master brewers for Birra Peroni, ensuring the high quality and standards of the beer.
Tasting Notes:
This beer is perfectly crisp and refreshing with just a hint of cereal grains, citrus peels, and floral hops. You’ll want more than just one.
Wynwood Brewery Sushi Roll Pils is a great early fall lager. While I generally believe lagers are best enjoyed in the summer heat, Sushi Roll Pils has a nice spice that fits right in the fall. Crisp, spicy, and highly crushable.
Tasting Notes:
On top of classic, refreshing pilsner flavors, there are notes of crisp cucumber balanced with a spicy kick of wasabi and ginger after a unique taste.
Kostritzer Schwarzbier
Kostritzer
Steven Dinsmore-George, bartender at The Pembroke in Washington, DC
Kostritzer Schwarzbier is the prime example of a dark or black German lager. Its convenient availability and affordable pricing make it a wonderful brew to try this coming autumn.
Tasting Notes:
Notes of coffee and chocolate give it a bittersweet flavor profile, while roasted malt contributes to its darkened color.
Yuengling Traditional Lager
Yuengling
Jared Bailey, bar manager at Soho Cigar Bar in New York City
Yuengling Traditional Lager is as classic as they come, and the refreshing lager never disappoints. If you’re looking for something to drink while getting ready for kickoff, Yuengling has what you are looking for with its malty, caramel, lightly hoppy flavor profile.
Tasting Notes:
Roasted malts, caramel, honey, and citrusy, floral hops make for a well-balanced malty, lightly hoppy beer well-suited for fall weather.
Great Divide Hoss
Great Divide
Suman Pradhan, director of food and beverage at Viceroy Snowmass in Snowmass Village, Colorado
I love Great Divide Titan Pale Ale beer as summer turns to autumn. It’s not as heavy as Stout but fuller than a lager. It’s a great fall beer. But if you’re looking for an actual fall lager, I’d go with Great Divide Hoss. It’s an Oktoberfest-style lager that gets an added dimension from the use of rye.
Tasting Notes:
This seasonal lager begins with notes of dried fruits, roasted malts, honey, spicy rye, all with a crisp, refreshing, lightly dry finish.
I love dark, malty lagers so when Fall rolls around and the Marzens and Oktoberfest-style beers start coming out, I try to soak them up as much as I can. Classic German versions are always great but there are some American options I love just as much like Great Lakes Oktoberfest.
Tasting Notes:
It’s a little toasty, a little caramelly, a touch spicy and the sweetness is perfectly balanced by a crisp, refreshing finish. Plus, at 6.5% ABV, it’s just warming enough for the chill in the Fall air- kind of like a really comfy hoodie.
It appears there may be some tension between Cher and her son Elijah Blue Allman at the moment: Variety reports that Cher is accused of having Allman kidnapped.
This is according to court documents that were just revealed as part of Allman’s divorce from wife, Marie Angela King. In a court declaration signed by King on December 4, 2022, King claims she and Allman had dedicated themselves to working on their marriage. Cher had asked them to leave their family home, though, and Allman and King supposed spent 12 days alone together in New York, leading up to their November 30 anniversary.
It was on that night that the kidnapping, carried out by four men supposedly hired by Cher, allegedly happened. King claims, “After spending these 12 days together in NY… four people came to our hotel room and removed [Allman] from our room. The filing goes on to attest King was “told by one of the four men who took him that they were hired by [Allman’s] mother.”
The filing, written in December, also notes, “I am currently unaware of my husband’s wellbeing or whereabouts. I am very concerned and worried about him. Since August 2022, I have been told that I am not allowed to see or speak to [Allman] who is currently in lockdown at a treatment facility that is undisclosed to me. I am also told [Allman] has no access to his phone. […] I understand his family’s efforts to make sure he is well, and I want what is best for my husband.”
Cher’s team has not responded to Variety‘s request for comment.
The Portland Trail Blazers have traded Damian Lillard to the Milwaukee Bucks in a stunning three-team deal, per Adrian Wojnarowski, that also sees the Suns get involved. Lillard will join Giannis Antetokounmpo and Khris Middleton to bolster the Bucks’ attempt to win a second championship. For Portland, Jrue Holiday is at the center of the deal from Milwaukee’s side and Deandre Ayton likewise is headed to the Blazers, as had been rumored to be a target in recent weeks.
Lillard goes Milwaukee as part of a 3-team deal with Jrue Holiday, Deandre Ayton, Toumani Camara, a 2029 unprotected MIL 1st, and unprotected MIL swap rights in 2028 and 2030 to Blazers. Phoenix lands Jusuf Nurkic, Grayson Allen, Nassir Little and Keon Johnson. https://t.co/Ge0H91AiIA
After previously saying that he expected to be in Portland at the start of next season, Lillard requested a trade less than a day into the start of free agency, making clear he wanted to be sent to the Miami Heat. For months, the Blazers have balked at Miami’s offers, and the two sides sat at a stalemate for most of the offseason after never being able to find the right combination of players and picks — or a third team to facilitate that right combination.
Ultimately, the Blazers were able to land what they felt to be a superior deal to what the Heat were offering in the form of a three-teamer with Milwaukee and Phoenix.
Lillard’s trade request came on the heels of back-to-back campaigns where the Blazers finished 13th in the Western Conference. Last year, they parlayed that into Shaedon Sharpe, one of the building blocks for the next era of basketball in Portland, and this year, there were questions about whether they’d use their lottery pick to get some more immediate help in an effort to convince Lillard that the team is in win-now mode. Instead, Portland ended up keeping the pick and taking Scoot Henderson, the dynamic guard out of the G League Ignite team who has the potential to be an All-Star over the course of his career. But despite how bright the futures of guys like Henderson, Sharpe, and Anfernee Simons are, Lillard’s priority at this point in his career is understandably to win.
Now, he’ll get the chance to do that, but it won’t be in the place most expected him to be — or that he wanted to go. Still, there’s no question that Lillard will have an opportunity to compete for a title in Milwaukee, as the Bucks were the East’s 1-seed a year ago and Giannis is among the league’s perennial MVP candidates. After Giannis applied pressure to the Bucks this summer to prove they were serious about winning titles long-term, they went out and land Lillard who is on a long-term deal to be a seemingly ideal backcourt partner for the two-time MVP forward. The Bucks will now be the prohibitive favorites in the Eastern Conference, leapfrogging the Celtics for that honor, and the Miami Heat will have to go back to the drawing board — especially because this would now seemingly take the dream scenario of Giannis pushing his way out of Milwaukee off the table.
For the Blazers, they chose a package with a current All-Star caliber guard in Jrue Holiday, who one would expect to end up potentially back on the trade market soon, and Deandre Ayton as their new starting center over what the Heat were offering. Ayton gets a fresh start in Portland and gives them a center more in line with their timetable, while the Suns bring Jusuf Nurkic and Grayson Allen as the headliners for Phoenix’s effort to break Ayton’s deal into a few players as they attempt to bolster their depth.
The 1975 kicked off their Still At Their Very Best Tour last night — with an announcement near the end that surprised fans. After they finish the tour next year, the band will be taking a break.
“It’s wonderful you’re all here,” lead singer Matty Healy told the crowd. “After this tour, we will be going on an indefinite hiatus with shows, so it’s wonderful to have you guys with us tonight. Thank you so much.”
While he did specify just with shows, it does leave open the possibility that The 1975 would then take some time to work on a new album.
Still, the announcement also comes after rumors of increased tension between the band members. Over the summer, Healy protested Malaysia’s anti-LGBTQ+ laws onstage which resulted in the cancellation of the rest of the Good Vibes Festival. The event’s organizer was also reportedly seeking over $2 million in damages from The 1975. (And they are banned from Malaysia.)
Last week, Healy made headlines once again after getting into a Twitter fight with Lucy Dacus. He tweeted, “I told Lucy Dacus that ‘Boygenius’ had inspired me and George to start a new band called ‘Girlr*tard’. I don’t really hear from her that often.” The Boygenius singer fired back, telling Healy, “you don’t hear from me at all.”
So, yeah. The 1975’s final tour date so far is in Amsterdam next March.
According to a synopsis filed to the United States Copyright Office, Cox is officially on the cast list for the upcoming Marvel series, Echo. The show will focus on the titular character who made her first live-action appearance in Hawkeye. Considering Echo has a deep connection to Daredevil’s world in the comics, it’s fitting that Cox will appear in the series. But just as Secret Invasion skewed from its source material, you never know with Marvel.
“Marvel Studios presents Echo in which Maya Lopez (Alaqua Cox) struggles to reconnect with her Native American roots while balancing aspirations tied to a life of crime as successor to the brutal legacy of Wilson Fisk (Vincent D’Onofrio) aka Kingpin. In the first episode we are introduced to Maya Lopez and her struggles,” the synopsis reads.
Other than Alaqua Cox and D’Onofrio, the cast includes Chaske Spencer as Henry, Tantoo Cardinal as Chula, Graham Greene as Skully, Cody Lightning as Cousin Biscuits, Charlie Cox as Daredevil, Devery Jacobs as Bonnie, and Zahn McClarnon as William Lopez.
Comic Book reports that Echo is tentatively scheduled to drop in January 2024. Although, there is no official release date and Marvel is reportedly looking to scale back its Disney+ output, so don’t be surprised if that release window moves.
A few generations ago, parents had pretty clearly defined roles, with the dad generally being the breadwinner and the mom being the homemaker/stay-at-home mother. Then women’s rights movement came along, empowering women in the workplace, ushering in the era of two working parents and producing an entire generation of “latchkey kids.”
Now those Gen X latchkey kids are parenting Gen Z, with the pendulum of working motherhood having swung somewhat to the middle. We were raised to believe we could be anything we dreamed of being and that we didn’t have to choose between being a mom and having a career. Gen X also became mothers during the heyday of parenting self-help books that impressed upon us the importance of attachment and hands-on childrearing, as well as the era of super-scheduled kids, whose activities alone require a full-time manager.
As a result, those of us in our 40s have raised our kids straddling two worlds—the one where women can have all of the career success we desire and the one where we can choose to be stay-at-home moms who do all the things. At first, we were told we could have it all, but when the impossibility of that became clear, we were told, “Well, you can have it all, just not at the same time.”
But as many moms are finding as their kids start leaving the nest, even that isn’t the full truth.
A Facebook post by Karen Johnson, aka The 21st Century SAHM (short for “stay-at-home mom”) nails the reality many stay-at-home moms in their 40s are facing as they find themselves floundering with the glaring gap in their resumes.
“This is for all the moms in their 40s who put their careers on hold to do the SAHM thing because you knew you couldn’t do both—career you loved and motherhood—and do both WELL, so you picked, saying to yourself ‘this is just for now and we’ll see,'” Johnson wrote. “But now it’s 15 years later and so much has changed in your career field that you know you can’t go back. So really, when you ‘took a break’ all those years ago, you gave it up.”
Johnson explained that yes, moms know they should be grateful for the time they’ve had with their kids. Most are. That’s not the issue. Whether a woman chose to be a stay-at-home mom because she really wanted to or because childcare costs didn’t work in the financial equation of the family, the transition out of it feels like completely uncharted waters.
“Okay, so you’re looking for a ‘career’ with part-time hours and a 100% flexible schedule because you’re still Mom-on-duty but you do have *just* enough hours during the day to reflect on the fact that you *do* have a college degree (maybe even 2) and although being a mom is the greatest and most important job in the world, you *might* actually want something more to your life than folding laundry and running hangry children to 900 events and remembering that they’re all due for dental cleanings,” she wrote.
Yup. The “default parent” role is real and weighted heavily toward moms as it is. For stay-at-home moms, it’s 100% expected, and that doesn’t suddenly end when it’s time to start thinking about joining the workforce again.
And, of course, moms barely have time to try to figure all of this out. So, as Johnson says, “But for now, you cram yourself into the only pair of jeans you have right now that fit and find a t-shirt on the floor that isn’t clean but isn’t dirty and will pass for the 4 hours of mom-taxiing you’re about to do and you tell yourself, ‘I’ll figure it out another day. Right now, I gotta get the kids to practice.'” Oof.
Johnson’s entire post is worth a read, as it resonates with so many women at this stage of life. But just as telling are the comments from women who not only see themselves in Johnson’s description but who feel like they were sold a bill of goods early in their motherhood. So many of us were led to believe that the skills and experiences of managing a family would be valued in the workplace simply because they should be and that the gap in their resume wouldn’t matter.
“This hits hard. I am right there too. And all those volunteer hours & leadership positions people said would look good on my resume when I once again applied for jobs? Those people all lied. It means squat,” wrote one person.
“Thank you! You spoke my heart. 42 this year, resigned from teaching almost 12 years ago, and never been more confused about my personal future, or exhausted in my present,” shared another.
“I’ve never related to a post more in my life! THANK YOU. Your words perfectly summarize the loneliest, most important job in the world and how that perspective shifts in your 40s. It is confusingly beautiful,” wrote another.
There is hope in the comments, too. Some moms have chosen to see their post-stay-at-home era as a fresh start to learn something new, which might lend some inspiration to others.
“I went back for my master’s degree at 47 years old. I’m now 50 in a new career I love and my husband is doing just fine pulling his weight with after school/carpool/dinner. Happy for the years I stayed home, happy with this new season too,” shared one person.
“Yuuuup. I decided to go back to grad school at 45. It’s insane but every term I complete I’m like – omg I’m doing it! So don’t let sweaty out of shape bodies and carpool fatigue stop you. I take naps and write grad school papers and have meltdowns where I cry from the frustration of it all – but dammit I’m doing it!” wrote another.
One mom who is past this stage also offered some words of encouragement:
“So incredibly well written. I feel all these things and did throughout my 40s. Now I’m in my early ’50s and I’m so glad I was able to stay home with my kids, but the guilt! The guilt of not using my education, the judgment of people who don’t understand why someone would stay home with their kids, the social engineering… We just eat each other alive sometimes don’t we? I wouldn’t trade it for anything, but it is a very lonely road and one you always question. I can tell you that all three of my kids were so grateful to have a full-time parent. I might not have always been the best, but they were glad to always have someone to talk to if they needed it. It’s hard to fill other people’s buckets when your bucket isn’t full, but the rewards do come back when the kids tell you thank you for everything that you’ve done. ”
Being a mom is hard, period. Working moms have it hard, stay-at-home moms have it hard, moms who have managed to keep one foot in the career door and one foot in the home have it hard. There’s a lot that society could do to support moms more no matter what path they choose (or find themselves on—it’s not always a conscious choice), from providing paid maternity leave to greater flexibility with work schedules to retirement plans that account for time away from the workplace. Perhaps that would at least make the many choices moms have today feel more like freedom and less like choosing between a rock and a hard place.
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