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All The Best New Pop Music From This Week

This week, like most, marked a wonderful one for new pop releases. As the fall approaches, many artists on this list are either dropping or building anticipation for a new record. Which means there will be a ton of great tunes to listen to — even if some are brilliantly built on a bad idea. Am I right? Obvious Olivia Rodrigo joke aside, a major theme of these recent pop songs seems to be about relationships in all forms, through the good and the tough times. Even if it’s about encouraging the hottest versions of ourselves.

Continue scrolling for Uproxx’s Best New Pop roundup.

Olivia Rodrigo — “Bad Idea Right”

It’s actually Olivia Rodrigo’s summer and we’re all just living in it. With her latest “Bad Idea Right,” Rodrigo ignores her friends’ warnings about reconnecting with an ex, complete with a pop-punk inspired instrumental and an equally-entertaining music video from Petra Collins. Not that it comes as any surprise, but the pop star knows how to perfectly package each of her single drops.

Karol G – “Mi Ex Tenía Razón”

Karol G’s “Mi Ex Tenía Razón” finds her dissing an ex, but also thanking her for allowing her to find someone better. (Many have suspected it’s about her ex Anuel AA and new boyfriend, Feid.) “Dijo que no iba a encontrar uno como él y me llegó uno mejor, que me trata mejor,” she sings.

Rauw Alejandro — “Hayami Hana”

In the wake of Rauw Alejandro and Rosalía ending their engagement, he has dedicated a song to her with “Hayami Hana.” Throughout the track’s run, he addresses the struggles and complications that led to their split while also making it clear that cheating wasn’t a cause.

V — “Love Me Again”

As an early preview from his upcoming album, Layover, BTS’ V proves he can shine just as bright as a solo artist with the emotionally reflective, “Love Me Again” — where he is reeling and hoping to repair a relationship.

Chappell Roan — “Hot To Go!”

“I wrote this song so I could live out my cheerleader fantasy!” Roan dished about her confident new “Hot To Go!” song. “I just wanted to make something simple and silly that I could do with the audience because I’m a huge fan of audience participation. Also, selfishly (and shamelessly) wanted to bounce around on stage singing a song about being hot.”

Kelsea Ballerini — “How Do I Do This”

Kelsea Ballerini‘s Rolling Up The Welcome Mat was a personal early highlight of 2023’s releases. Now, with her extended version, Ballerini finds herself looking at the songs with a happier perspective. “How Do I Do This” is one of the new additions, where she details what it was like trying to date again after a years-long marriage ended.

Fred Again.. — “Adore U” (feat. Obongjayar)

“Finally got to sit in the room and hear this beautiful man sing these words right there. And it really felt magical. What a f*ckin guy man,” Fred Again gushed about his latest track, “Adore U,” which lets Obongjayar take center stage on vocals. The two performers used it as a sweet dedication to their siblings.

Sofia Valdés — “Silvia”

The title track of Valdés’ new EP, “Silvia” serves as a tribute to the musician’s grandmother. It also doubles as her grappling with emotions after moving from Panama to Los Angeles during the pandemic.

Ilsey — “Yellow Roses”

“‘Yellow Roses’ has the deepest emotional resonance for me,” Ilsey shared in a statement, about the dreamy-but-heartbreaking lyrics that make the song what it is. “Longing for love that you can’t have is really the touchstone of the heartbreak of the album. That’s the root of my personal heartbreak.”

Äyanna — “Say You Love Me”

Discovering Äyanna’s “Say You Love Me” was such a blessing. Throughout the song’s run, she shows that she can vocally tackle both a gentler, emotional instrumental and a faster-paced pop one in the chorus. The music video leans into the romantic themes in a very entertaining way — plus her makeup rules in it too.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

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Tori Kelly Is Bringing Her Talent To Major US Cities On The ‘The Take Control Tour’

It’s been an up-and-down past few weeks for Tori Kelly, but thankfully, things are trending in a positive direction now. After being hospitalized with blood clots, she quickly came back with a new single, “Cut.” Now she’s taking that song and others on the road, as Kelly just announced The Take Control Tour.

As it stands now, the trek is a quick one spread out over a couple weeks. It starts on September 10 in Toronto. From there, it hits New York, Boston, Atlanta, Chicago, Denver, and San Francisco before ending on a two-night stand in Los Angeles, at the Troubadour on the 25th and The Roxy on the 26th.

As Kelly indicated in her tweet, head to the tour website for more information on tickets. The website has an RSVP option for “Don’t see your city?,” which may be an indication that additional dates for the The Take Control Tour could be announced in the future.

Check out the full list of tour dates below.

09/10 — Toronto, ON @ Axis Club
09/11 — New York, NY @ Bowery Ballroom
09/13 — Boston, MA @ Brighton Music Hall
09/17 — Atlanta, GA @ The Loft
09/18 — Chicago, IL @ Lincoln Hall
09/21 — Denver, CO @ Ophelia’s
09/24 — San Francisco, CA @ The Independent
09/25 — Los Angeles, CA @ Troubadour
09/26 — Los Angeles, CA @ The Roxy

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Madonna’s ‘The Celebration Tour’ Now Has A Fresh Batch Of Rescheduled Dates After The Singer Faced Health Complications

Even health complications can’t keep Madonna from her fans. After being rushed to the hospital on June 24, the singer was forced to postpone her highly anticipated The Celebration Tour. Now that her health is looking up, Madonna is ready to finally hit the road. Madonna’s The Celebration Tour is back on with a fresh batch of rescheduled dates.

In a statement shared with the press, a representative for the singer emphasized that despite their tireless effort, some dates were canceled due to reasons out of their control. “Getting all shows rescheduled was the number one priority. Unfortunately, due to scheduling conflicts, a few shows noted below will be canceled. Madonna regrets the inconvenience to fans and hopes to make it up to those markets in the future,” said the rep.

Those dates include her shows in Tulsa, Oklahoma (previously scheduled for July 27), Nashville, Tennessee (previously scheduled for December 22), San Francisco, California (previously scheduled for January 15, 2024), and one of her Las Vegas, Nevada appearances (the concert previously scheduled for January 18, 2024).

Ticketholders for impacted dates will be contacted by Ticketmaster with the next steps. For those who were unable to secure a ticket, advance sales begin on Tuesday, August 29. Public ticket sales will start on Friday, September 1 at 10 a.m. ET. Find more information here.

View the full Celebration Tour schedule below.

10/14/2023 — London, UK @ The O2
10/15/2023 — London, UK @ The O2
10/17/2023 — London, UK @The O2
10/18/2023 — London, UK @The O2
10/21/2023 — Antwerp, BE @ Sportpaleis
10/22/2023 — Antwerp, BE @ Sportpaleis
10/25/2023 — Copenhagen, DK @ Royal Arena
10/26/2023 — Copenhagen, DK @ Royal Arena
10/28/2023 — Stockholm, SE @ Tele2 Arena
11/01/2023 — Barcelona, ES @ Palau Sant Jordi
11/02/2023 — Barcelona, ES @ Palau Sant Jordi
11/06/2023 — Lisbon, PT @ Altice Arena
11/07/2023 — Lisbon, PT @ Altice Arena
11/12/2023 — Paris, FR @ Accor Arena
11/13/2023 — Paris, FR @ Accor Arena
11/15/2023 — Cologne, DE @ Lanxess Arena
11/16/2023 — Cologne, DE @ Lanxess Arena
11/19/2023 — Paris, FR @ Accor Arena
11/20/2023 — Paris, FR @ Accor Arena
11/23/2023 — Milan, IT @ Mediolanum Forum
11/25/2023 — Milan, IT @ Mediolanum Forum
11/28/2023 — Berlin, DE @ Mercedes-Benz Arena
11/29/2023 — Berlin, DE @ Mercedes-Benz Arena
12/01/2023 — Amsterdam, NL @ Ziggo Dome
12/02/2023 — Amsterdam, NL @ Ziggo Dome
12/05/2023 — London, UK @ The O2
12/06/2023 — London, UK @ The O2
12/13/2023 — Brooklyn, NY @ Barclays Center
12/14/2023 — Brooklyn, NY @ Barclays Center
12/16/2023 — Brooklyn, NY @ Barclays Center (previously MSG) *
12/18/2023 — Washington, DC @ Capital One Arena
12/19/2023 — Washington, DC @ Capital One Arena
01/08/2024 — Boston, MA @ TD Garden
01/09/2024 — Boston, MA @ TD Garden
01/11/2024 — Toronto, ON @ Scotiabank Arena
01/12/2024 — Toronto, ON @ Scotiabank Arena
01/15/2024 — Detroit, MI @ Little Caesars Arena
01/18/2024 — Montreal, QC @ Bell Centre
01/20/2024 — Montreal, QC @ Bell Centre
01/22/2024 — New York, NY @ Madison Square Garden Arena
01/23/2024 — New York, NY @ Madison Square Garden Arena
01/25/2024 — Philadelphia, PA @ Wells Fargo Center
01/29/2024 — New York, NY @ Madison Square Garden Arena
02/01/2024 — Chicago, IL @ United Center
02/02/2024 — Chicago, IL @ United Center
02/05/2024 — Pittsburgh, PA @ PPG Paints Arena
02/08/2024 — Cleveland, OH @ Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse
02/13/2024 — Saint Paul, MN @ Xcel Energy Center
02/17/2024 — Seattle, WA @ Climate Pledge Arena
02/18/2024 — Seattle,WA @ Climate Pledge Arena
02/21/2024 — Vancouver, BC @ Rogers Arena
02/24/2024 — Sacramento, CA @ Golden 1 Center
02/27/2024 — San Francisco, CA @ Chase Center
02/28/2024 — San Francisco,CA @ Chase Center
03/01/2024 — Las Vegas,NV @ T-Mobile Arena
03/02/2024 — Las Vegas, NV @ T-Mobile Arena
03/04/2024 — Los Angeles, CA @ Kia Forum (previously Crypto.com Arena) *
03/05/2024 — Los Angeles, CA @ Kia Forum (previously Crypto.com Arena) *
03/07/2024 — Los Angeles, CA @ Kia Forum (previously Crypto.com Arena) *
03/09/2024 — Los Angeles, CA @ Kia Forum (previously Crypto.com Arena) *
03/11/2024 — Los Angeles, CA @ Kia Forum
03/13/2024 — Palm Desert, CA @ Acrisure Arena
03/16/2024 — Phoenix, AZ @ Footprint Center
03/19/2024 — Denver, CO @ Ball Arena
03/24/2024 — Dallas, TX @ American Airlines Center
03/25/2024 — Dallas. TX @ American Airlines Center
03/28/2024 — Houston, TX @ Toyota Center
03/29/2024 — Houston, TX @ Toyota Center
01/04/2024 — Atlanta, GA @ State Farm Arena
04/04/2024 — Tampa, FL @ Amalie Arena
04/06/2024 — Miami, FL @ Kaseya Center
04/07/2024 — Miami, FL @ Kaseya Center
04/14/2024 — Austin, TX @ Moody Center
04/15/2024 — Austin, TX @ Moody Center
04/20/2024 — Mexico City, MX @ Palacio De Los Deportes
04/21/2024 — Mexico City, MX @ Palacio De Los Deportes
04/23/2024 — Mexico City, MX @ Palacio De Los Deportes
04/24/2024 — Mexico City, MX @ Palacio De Los Deportes

* indicates a venue change

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Polo G Announced His Fourth Album ‘Hood Poet’ And Celebrated With A Brand New Chain

Polo G‘s last album, Hall of Fame, was released in June of 2021 (and reissued as Hall of Fame 2.0 in December) so it’d be understandable if fans of the Chicago rapper were getting a little antsy waiting for a follow-up. Fortunately for them, it looks like they’ll be getting one sooner than later, as he subtly announced with the launch of a YouTube livestream revealing the album’s title and release date. It’s called Hood Poet and is due one month from this writing on September 15.

Polo celebrated the announcement with the purchase of a new chain from Icebox bearing a massive heart-shaped pendant bearing the album’s title alongside a goat (as in GOAT — Greatest Of All Time — the title of his second album), a microphone, and a hand holding a pen. Naturally, the whole thing is absolutely drenched in diamonds. In addition to watching the creation of a massive mural featuring a similar design, the livestream has also been periodically previewing some of the songs from the album, with a countdown to each preview so you can check in. As of publication, the next one is a little under 90 minutes away.

Hood Poet is due on 9/15 via Columbia records. You can get more info here.

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Randall Park Called Out Hollywood For Learning The ‘Wrong Lessons’ From The ‘Massive’ Success Of ‘Barbie’

Randall Park has some thoughts on the massive success of the Barbie movie, which right out of the gate, he thinks is great. The actor who’s promoting his directorial debut, Shortcomings, has nothing but praise for the film. Where Park has an issue is Hollywood reacting to Barbie‘s success in typical Hollywood fashion. Namely, trying to milk the concept the death.

While Barbie has no doubt been a cultural phenomenon that literally coaxed a sizable amount of people to go to the theaters for the first time since COVID, toymaker Mattel has already announced aggressive plans to unleash a cinematic universe based on several of its properties from Hot Wheels to, we kid you not, the Magic 8-Ball. (There’s even talk of an Uno movie in the mix, and your guess as is good as ours there.)

Randall Park is gobsmacked at how Hollywood is missing the big picture. Via Rolling Stone:

This industry is taking the wrong lessons. For example, Barbie is this massive blockbuster, and the idea is: Make more movies about toys! No. Make more movies by and about women!

Right. The lesson here should be that you gave this brilliant independent woman filmmaker in Greta Gerwig the reins to a big blockbuster movie and had Margot Robbie star in and produce it.

Exactly! Think like that. It’s Greta Gerwig!

In fairness, a long-simmering Polly Pocket movie from Lena Dunham has been pulled off the back-burner following the success of Barbie, which is more in the vein of what Park is talking about. However, that’s just one out of 14 toy properties that Mattel is aggressively trying to make in hopes of finding more sweet Barbie cash.

Shortcomings is now playing in theaters.

(Via Rolling Stone)

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Padma Lakshmi Shares The ‘Really Uncomfortable’ Thing She Won’t Miss About Hosting ‘Top Chef’

Padma Lakshmi hosted Top Chef from 2006 to earlier this year. That’s over 300 episodes of eating up to “eight or nine thousand calories a day.” But now that she’s stepped down, she’s reflecting on what she’ll miss about the show — and what she won’t (mostly the double Zuckerberg thing).

“It’s very hard, what I miss most is actually the people. When you spend 17 years on a show, 19 seasons, my daughter grew up on that set. I’ll miss almost everybody because they’re like family,” Lakshmi said on Tuesday’s episode of Good Morning America. “But what I won’t miss is the copious amounts of food in a very short time. I know it’s a high-class problem to have, but it can feel really uncomfortable, the long hours, eating all that food. I will not miss it.”

In her departure announcement, Laskshmi wrote, “I am extremely proud to have been part of building such a successful show and of the impact it has had in the worlds of television and food. After 17 years, many of the cast and crew are like family to me and I will miss working alongside them dearly. I feel it’s time to move on and need to make space for Taste the Nation, my books, and other creative pursuits.” Such as topical cakes.

You can watch the GMA interview below.

(Via Entertainment Weekly)

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Here Is LE SSERAFIM’s ‘Flame Rises Tour’ Setlist For 2023

LE SSERAFIM kicked off their Flame Rises Tour over the weekend in Seoul’s Jamsil Arena in support of their May album, Unforgiven. The band will be playing cities across the globe, including Nagoya, Tokyo, Osaka, Hong Kong, Jakarta, and Bangkok currently. The dates will continue on through October.

For international fans who are set to attend one of their upcoming shows, they might be wondering what songs the K-pop group will be playing live — with a lot of them being from the recent record.

Along with various interludes, they have played unreleased songs and provided extended intros to several others, providing hope that fans will also have even more new music to look forward to.

From LE SSERAFIM’s first night in Seoul, South Korea, find their setlist below for an idea of what to expect. More information and tickets for the Flame Rises Tour can be found here.

1. “Fearless”
2. “The Great Mermaid” (extended dance intro)
3. “Blue Flame”
4. “Impurities” (extended outro)
5. “No Celestial”
6. “Sour Grapes” (extended intro)
7. “Good Parts (When The Quality Is Bad But I Am)”
8. “We Got So Much” (unreleased)
9. “Flash Forward” (extended outro)
10. “Antifragile”
11. “Eve, Psyche & The Bluebeard’s Wife”
12. “Unforgiven” (extended intro & outro)
13. “Fearnot (Between You, Me, & The Lamppost)” (extended intro)
14. “No-Return (Into The Unknown)”
15. “Fire In The Belly”

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All The Best New R&B Music From This Week

Sometimes the best new R&B can be hard to find, but there are plenty of great rhythm-and-blues tunes to get into if you have the time to sift through the hundreds of newly released songs every week. So that R&B heads can focus on listening to what they really love in its true form, we’ll be offering a digest of the best new R&B songs that fans of the genre should hear every Friday.

Since the last update of this weekly R&B and Afrobeats column, we’ve received plenty of music and news from the genre’s artists.

Miguel takes new steps toward his upcoming album through “Number 9” with Lil Yachty and Tory Lanez was sentenced to 10 years in prison. Tori Kelly took over a convenience store to throw a party in his “Cut” video while Beyoncé declared Washington D.C. as the tentative “eerbody on mute” winner for her Renaissance Tour. Elsewhere, Ciara announced that she was pregnant with her third child with Russell Wilson and Erykah Badu subtly destroyed DJ Akademiks after he lashed out at her.

Here are some more releases on the new music front that you should check out:

Raahiim — BUT IF iiM HONEST

Toronto singer Raahiim has this week’s best R&B project with his second project BUT IF iiM HONEST. The 11-song release is flooded with silky smooth records that showcase Raahiim’s impressive pen and artistic vision. “Friend Zone” and “Outside Freestyle” are this writer’s favorites, but you’ll surely find something for yourself here.

Tone Stith — “I Need You”

With an EP due for a release at some point this month, Tone Stith returns with his second single of the year, “I Need You.” With the funky twang of guitar strings behind Stith’s voice, the singer lays his cards out for a woman he absolutely adores. Stith says he “needs” her and he hopes the feeling is mutual with her.

Emotional Oranges — Still Emo

Emotional Oranges keep up their streak of consistency with Still Emo, their fifth project in four years. Still Emo arrives with eight songs and contributions from Tkay Maidza, Aáyanna, Nonso Amadi, and Zhu. The project’s songs teeter the line between pop and R&B for moments that are fun, lively, sultry, and down to earth.

Elmiene — “Mama”

Def Jam’s latest signee, Elmiene, is a name worth paying attention to going forward. Months after sharing his El-Mean project, the UK is keeping up the momentum as he returns with his latest offering, “Mama.” The confessional record, which is co-written and produced by Sampha, beautifully bares Elmiene’s soul and takes a moment to contemplate his imperfections.

Jastin Martin — Miss Me Yet?

Houston, Texas, singer Jastin Martin makes a big impression with her debut project Miss Me Yet? Each of the project’s ten songs are centered in the deep intimacy that arises in different periods of her life. Her soft voice is delicate enough to boost the intimate moments she sings of, as she does on the album’s title track.

Umi — “Happy Im”

Seattle-born and Los Angeles-based singer Umi returns with her latest single, “Happy Im.” Over an acoustic guitar and stripped-back drumbeat, Umi sings about the moment she felt herself falling in love. “I wrote this song to remind myself, and those who listen, that it’s okay to be happy — it’s what we came here to experience,” she says about the song in a press release. “And oftentimes, when we allow ourselves to stop thinking so hard about it, we let it in.”

Olamide — Unruly

Afrobeats singer Olamide returned with his new album Unruly, his first since 2021’s UY Scuti. On the new record, Olamide presents 15 songs with help from CKay, BNXN, Rema, Fireboy DML, and Asake for a body of work that is without restrictions or limitations in both sound and vision.

Black Sherif — Take Care Of Yourself Blacko

Nearly a year after releasing his beloved debut album The Villain I Never Was, Ghanaian afrobeats singer Black Sherif checks back in with a two-pack through his Take Care Of Yourself Blacko EP. It begins with the triumphant “Yaya” and settles into a more relaxed space with “Simmer Down.”

Laya — “Need 2 Know”

With her Bet That EP set to arrive at the top of September, Laya dishes out another single with “Need 2 Know.” It follows her previous release “F’d Up” and arrives as a truly honest and vulnerable single that also gives space for her vocals to shine.

Taryn — “Give It To Me”

For her first single of the year, Buffalo-bred singer Taryn takes a trip to the ’80s for “Give It To Me.” The record was made for a dancefloor where gentlemen in dress shirts buttoned halfway up and ladies in colorful dresses danced without a care in the world. The influence is clear, but Taryn does a great job in making her own — oh, and she can sing.

Frex — “Hoodie Back”

LA-based singer Frex delivers her second single of the year with “Hoodie Back.” On it, Frex reckons with the end of a relationship and the possibility of her ex partner moving on to someone new. With that, she requests the return of the hoodie she gave him as she’s ready to move on from someone who “already got the best of me.”

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

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Jon Batiste’s New Album ‘World Music Radio’: Everything We Know So Far

It’s been a little over two years since the release of Jon Batiste’s Grammy Award-winning album We Are and one since he left The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, and his new album, World Music Radio, is just days away.

He announced the album in June, releasing its single “Drink Water” with Jon Bellion and Fireboy DML in July. It’s described as a concept album with the intention of “expanding your vision of popular art.” With the release of the long-awaited follow-up to We Are imminent, here is everything we know about World Music Radio.

Jon Batiste World Music Radio album cover
Verve/Interscope

Release Date

World Music Radio is out 8/18 via Verve/Interscope. Find more information here.

Tracklist

1. “Hello, Billy Bob”
2. “Raindance” Feat. Native Soul
3. “Be Who You Are” Feat. JID, NewJeans, Camilo
4. “Worship”
5. “My Heart”
6. “Drink Water” Feat. Jon Bellion & Fireboy DML
7. “Calling Your Name”
8. “Clair De Lune” Feat. Kenny G
9. “Butterfly”
10. “17th Ward Prelude”
11. “Uneasy” Feat. Lil Wayne
12. “CALL NOW (504-305-8269)” Feat. Michael Batiste
13. “Chassol”
14. “BOOM FOR REAL”
15. “MOVEMENT 18′ (Heroes)”
16. “Master Power”
17. “Running Away” Feat. Leigh-Anne
18. “Goodbye, Billy Bob”
19. “White Space”
20. “Wherever You Are”
21. “Life Lesson” Feat. Lana Del Rey

Features

The feature-packed album will include guest appearances from amapiano band Native Soul, Atlanta rapper JID, K-pop girl group NewJeans, Colombian singer Camilo, “All Time Low” singer Jon Bellion, Afrobeats artist Fireboy DML, saxophone legend Kenny G, Lil Wayne, Jon’s father Michael Batiste, English singer and songwriter Leigh-Anne Pinnock (formerly of Little Mix), and Lana Del Rey.

Singles

So far, two singles, “Calling Your Name” and “Drink Water,” have been released.

Tour

Jon Batiste does not have any currently announced tour dates, but will have an album release show in Brooklyn on 8/18 and An Evening With Jon Batiste show on 8/23 in Los Angeles. You can get more info on those here.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

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Teachers are sharing their students’ wildest excuses that actually turned out to be true

Kindergarten through 12th grade teachers and college professors have heard every excuse in the book. Whether it’s a third grader claiming their “dog ate my homework” or a college freshman claiming their grandmother died to get out of a test, they’ve heard it all a billion times.

A college professor once listed the top 21 excuses he’s heard from his students. Here are the top five:

5. “It’s the last week of the semester.”

4. “It’s St. Patrick’s Day or 4/20”

3. “Our other teacher held us back.”

2. “My timetable showed the class was canceled.”

1. “I’m taking a vacation.”


Yes, some students actually say they didn’t do their work because of a holiday predicated on drinking or getting stoned and others have the audacity to say, “Hey! I needed a vacation.” After spending week after week fielding excuses, there’s a good reason why most educators are skeptical when they hear one from their students.

But every once in a while, an excuse that seems way too improbable to be believed actually is true.

Reddit user u/minecraftplayer48 asked the teachers of Reddit to share the “best excuse for being late that turned out to be true” and the stories were all pretty great. But it wasn’t only teachers who chimed in; a lot of people shared stories from when they were students and had an excuse that was so crazy they didn’t think anyone would believe them.

Here are 17 of the best excuses for being late that were actually true.

1. Revenge of the torque wrench


“My auto teacher let me practice removing and adding the tires on his vehicle. The next morning it was about 20 minutes into first period and no sign of him. He comes running into the classroom out of breath and his hair is all messed up. He points at me and says ‘YOU!!!! What is a torque wrench used for???’ I respond with “I don’t know.” He says ‘ I know you don’t know!!!” Turns out one of his tires came off while driving down the highway.” — ethnicjello

2. Mom wanted to sleep in


“She had to take her sister to school and drive her mom to rehab. She was always late to class because her mom just wanted to sleep in. Problem was if the mom was late or did not go she would have violated her probation and gone to prison. I never marked her late. If she missed anything important she could come in at lunch or after school to make it up.” — RM156

3. “That was you?”


“Student here, I headed into school early to get some studying done in the library before my night class. I was one exit away when I was caught in a 3 car accident. Most of the expressway afterwards was gridlock with only one lane left open. I did eventually make it into my lab class 15 minutes late, with a few scrapes and bruises. My professors reaction was simply ‘Oh that was you!”” — AlienCowAbduction

4. “School bus blew up”


“I was one of about 20 kids who were late to school. We showed up at the school office as a group and when questioned why we were late, we said ‘The school bus blew up.’ They questioned ‘So the engine blew up?’ The kids ‘No, the whole bus, in flames. It blew up.’

“There was much conference between the teachers, all of them thinking we embellished the story. Next thing you know, one of the admin staff has the news website open, very obvious image of an entire bus on fire with a bunch of kids in our school uniform standing in front of it. Our late slip for class read ‘School bus blew up.'” — AusPB90

5. B.U.I.


“Told me he got pulled over by the cops for wobbly driving on his bike and they thought he was drunk. Turned out he was just dodging all the slugs on the street.” — Fortisvol

6. Chicken of death


“A guy in my college class missed class one day. The next day he came in with his eye covered up and medical paperwork in hand. Apparently he got pecked in the eye by a chicken.” — BrrToe

7. Chicken 2: The chickening


“When I was student teaching, I was late because there was bunch chickens in the middle of the road. They wouldn’t move at all. This is in the middle of a city of 200,000 people. Freaking chickens.

“I finally get to school and profusely apologize to my mentor teacher and I told her why I was late thinking it sounded ridiculous. She said, ‘yeah, those chickens are fucking assholes, they surrounded my car in the McDonalds parking lot last year. Don’t worry about it.” — Makenshine

8. Cracker Barrel conference


“Taught a group of seniors first period. It was towards the end of the year. I had a class of around 30 and only 5 were there when the bell rang. Halfway through class, the rest of them show up. They went out to Cracker Barrel for breakfast and brought me some back. All was forgiven.” — SwansonsLoveChild

9. Beary late


“Bear on the backyard. No access gate. Animal control had to tranq it from the room and drag it through the house. Made the news. Got to retake the test I missed after sending her the news article.” — Vladtehwood

10. Present the flat


“We had an exam in my class and the teacher got a message from a student saying that he was going to be late because his car had a flat tire (the student was known to party), the teacher didn’t think it could be true, so as a joke the teacher asked him to bring the tire back. He brought the flat tire back in the middle of the exam. Needless to say, the professor didn’t expect that.” — Sapang

11. Moo


“A kid missed my first-period class one morning but was in school later that day. When I asked him why he hadn’t arrived in time for my course, he said his cow was birthing its calf that morning, so he’d picked being in the barn over English. Made sense to me. His essays weren’t going to win any ribbons at the county fair, but his calf could.” — Bobosbigsister

12. Abduction


“In high school a kid came late to history class. He was a joker so when someone asked him where he had been, he goes ‘I was kidnapped.’ Everyone laughed, until he goes ‘no really.’

“Turns out 2 guys kidnapped him and tossed him into the back of the minivan he was using for his morning paper route. They drove him around while they robbed something. I can’t remember what happens after. I think they just drove the van somewhere and got away.” — notinmybackyardcanad

13. Honesty is the best excuse


“Not a teacher, but a kid walked into my class one day and literally just said ‘Sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to be here.’ He wasn’t wrong I suppose.” — Scally59

14. It actually was the dog


“A little off topic but in 8th grade, a friend of mine turned in their homework late because her dog literally ate her homework. She even brought a note from her parents.” — JoeyJoey2004

15. Is this a real excuse? Or is it fantasy?


“‘Sorry Bohemian Rhapsody came on just as I parked.’ — My art teacher when he was about 5:55 minutes late.” — Deeberber

16. “I took a shortcut”

“This happened to me as a pupil; a very quiet, unassuming kid in our class came in to German with about five minutes of the class left. We went to a Catholic school and the teachers were all quite strict and intimidating. Classes were usually silent, especially in junior school. When this boy came into class at the end of the lesson that day, the door flew inwards with such force that the teacher gave an audible gasp.

“It had been raining heavily outside, his hair was plastered to his forehead. His blazer was dripping and sodden. He had mud caked into his trousers up to his knees, and he was breathing heavily. The teacher exclaimed, ‘Brendan! What happened?’ We all stared up at him in shocked silence. This quiet, unassuming little boy let out a big sigh and just said, ‘I took a shortcut.’ And went straight to his seat.

“That line became iconic in our school for years afterward.” — lestat85

17. Pug lovers can attest


“Kid was late to school and had to miss a very important football game. The reason? His fat pug fell asleep on his phone. The pug’s fat rolls muffled his alarm.” — tip52

This story originally appeared on 02.24.22