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Johnny Hardwick, the actor and comedian who voiced conspiracy theorist and pocket sand enthusiast Dale Gribble on King of the Hill, died this week. He was 64 years old. TMZ reports that law enforcement officers “were called to Hardwick’s Texas home Tuesday for a welfare check and discovered his body. We’re told Hardwick was pronounced dead at the scene.” The cause of death hasn’t been revealed yet, but no foul play is suspected.

“Johnny Hardwick was an incredibly beloved member of the King of the Hill family, whose tremendous talent, brilliant humor, and friendship will be deeply missed by all who were fortunate enough to work with him over the past 25 years,” 20th Television Animation and Hulu said in a statement. “Our deepest condolences go out to his friends and family as we mourn the loss of one of the animation greats. His voice gave life to one of our most iconic characters, and he will be truly missed.”

No list of the greatest animated characters of all-time is complete with Dale Gribble, and huge reason for that is Hardwick’s line readings. As @lennyburnham tweeted, “There’s a King of the Hill scene where the waitress asks how everyone at the table is and Dale goes ‘Jennifer, we’re fantastic!’ It’s such a non-joke but the line read is so incredible that my dad and I would quote it all the time. Johnny Hardwick had so many moments like that.”

The tributes to Hardwick poured in:

(Via TMZ)

Republicans have lost yet another crucial abortion vote, this time deep in the heart of MAGA country, and Steve Bannon is worried. So worried, in fact, that he invited a priest representing a grassroots anti-abortion group onto his podcast in order to rant about how badly “pro-life” groups are fumbling the ball after the Supreme Court’s Roe v. Wade reversal.

This week, Ohio — a GOP-controlled state that voted Trump in 2016 and 2020 — shot down a Republican-backed measure known as Issue 1 that would have made it more difficult to pass future amendments to the state constitution. In November, an amendment safeguarding abortion rights in the state is up for a vote. Pundits viewed Issue 1 as a temperature gauge for where voters stood on the abortion debate with Republicans hoping they could politically game the system and prevent abortion from becoming a constitutionally protected right. The fact that it failed has stoked fear in GOP analysts — like Bannon — who are starting to realize a majority of Americans support pro-choice policies, and Trump’s former henchman said as much to a priest who guested on his podcast this week.

“I’m telling you that if [the anti-abortion movement] doesn’t get organized, and I mean organized quickly, there’s a lot of voices in the donor community and others saying, ‘Hey, you know, what are we doing here? Because these guys are a drag right now when we can’t afford it,’” Bannon told Frank Pavone, a Catholic priest and the director of an anti-abortion group known as Priests for Life. “You’ve had three in a row where that case hasn’t been made or is not resonant, and these are not close. In modern American politics, these are blowouts.”

Bannon ended by suggesting Republicans put anti-abortion activism on the backburner now that Roe v. Wade was reversed to focus on issues Trump’s MAGA base cares about.

(Via Newsweek)

Good single malt Scotch whisky is nearly overflowing across the shelves these days. Sherry cask this, double casks that, Highlands this, cask strength that, peated this, Speyside that… The labels and options feel like they’re endless. That can be a good thing in that you can get some seriously good Scottish single malt whisky pretty goddamn easily. You can also roll snake eyes and grab a bottle that’s subpar.

We’ve all been there and it sucks. Let’s avoid that, shall we?

With that said… Who’s ready for another classic single malt Scotch whisky blind taste test? Below, I’m pulling in 10 single malts from Scotland that all clock in under $100 — they mostly fall in the $50-$70 range really — and are generally easy (enough) to find, coast-to-coast. There are no special releases that you’ll only find behind the glass behind the register or hidden away on some high-end whisky bar menu. This is stuff you should be able to find on your next trip to a good liquor store.

That makes our lineup today the following single malt Scotch whiskies:

• Mortlach Single Malt Scotch Whisky The Wee Witchie Aged for 12 Years
• Talisker Storm Single Malt Scotch Whisky
• The Glenrothes Speyside Single Malt Scotch Whisky “Whisky Maker’s Cut”
• Torabhaig Single Malt Scotch Whisky Allt Gleann
• The Balvenie Single Malt Scotch Whisky DoubleWood Aged 12 Years
• The Macallan Highland Single Malt Scotch Whisky 12 Years Old Double Cask
• Arran Single Malt Scotch Whisky 10 Years Old
• Kingsbarns Balcomie Lowland Single Malt Scotch Whisky
• The GlenDronach Orignal Highland Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 12 Years
• Glenmorangie The Quinta Ruban Highland Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 14 Years

After blind tasting these wee drams, I’m going to rank each one based on taste and depth. It’s that easy, folks, so let’s just dive right in!

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• The Best Scotch Whiskies Of 2023, According To The International Wine & Spirits Competition Awards
• The Full Core Line Of Johnnie Walker Scotch Whisky Bottles, Ranked

Part 1 — The Single Malt Scotch Whisky Blind Tasting

Taste 1

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The nose opens with almost burnt toffee next to bright red berries, mild chili pepper spice, hints of oak, and a bit of cedar.

Palate: The palate leans into the berries by becoming jammy with more of that toffee and a mild sense of spicy tobacco arriving late.

Finish: The end is long-ish with a plummy chew next to that tobacco and malty spice.

Initial Thoughts:

Well, this is tasty. It’s very straightforward from the jump but then just kind of keeps going. It’s nice stuff.

Taste 2

Tasting Notes:

Nose: This sip amps up the peat a tad while bringing in the brine next to a clear caramel maltiness, honey-stewed pears, and a touch of charred beach driftwood.

Palate: The smoke at play here is more akin seaside campfire while the brininess is reminiscent of oyster liquor with a dry chili spice lurking in the background that’s just kissed with salted plum preserves.

Finish: There’s a hint of the bright berry leftover from the Talisker 10 with a touch more peppery spice by the end that leans towards a salted toffee that’s laced with faint campfire smoke and charred oyster shells.

Initial Thoughts:

This is just excellent.

Taste 3

Tasting Notes:

Nose: You’re met with candied orange peel spiked with hints of eggnog spices and a touch of gooey pine resin on the nose.

Palate: The taste holds on tightly to that candied orange while adding in a velvety vanilla cream generously dusted with those eggnog spices and a softer touch of almost sweet wood.

Finish: The finish zeroes in on the orange and nutmeg as the vanilla and oak fade away on the slow end.

Initial Thoughts:

This feels like a bourbon-y single malt but doesn’t really go beyond that.

Taste 4

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The nose on this one is subtly maritime with a hint of sea spray on cold grey rocks mingling with soft nutmeg, lemon and vanilla-laced shortbread, oyster shells, and a hint of burnt ends from a slow-smoked pork butt.

Palate: The palate leans into smoked salmon skins with a thick line of belly fat still attached as woody spices and dried apple skins lead to a sweet fruit throughline.

Finish: The finish has a hint of fennel and rye next to more sea spray, pepperiness, and a minor note of red fruit.

Initial Thoughts:

This is also a very good whisky.

Taste 5

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Soft and floral honey mixed with a hint of vanilla extract, sweet red berries, and wine-soaked oak.

Palate: The palate meanders through light touches of marzipan with a hint of cinnamon and fields of plum trees with a whisper of tree bark and leather lurking in the background.

Finish: The finish lets the spicy malt kick in with a dose of hot cinnamon and honey tobacco.

Initial Thoughts:

This is classic single malt. It also feels just thin enough to build a cocktail with.

Taste 6

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Apple cider with a cut of cinnamon and clove in the juice greets you with a clear sense of vanilla, nuts, and plums on the nose.

Palate: The palate opens as those plums turn into prunes as orange peels mingle with sweet oak and a hint of tobacco spice.

Finish: The end is long, full of that sherry, dried fruit, and sweetness, and returns back to the chewy tobacco spice.

Initial Thoughts:

This is also a really good classic unpeated malt. There are no bells or whistles but it kind of doesn’t need it.

Taste 7

Tasting Notes:

Nose: This has a bourbon vanilla vibe on the nose with a bunch of cinnamon sticks soaked in apple cider and then cut with orange oils.

Palate: That cinnamon takes a sharp turn toward chili spice on the palate with a soft caramel maltiness and a hint of apple candy.

Finish: The end sort of meanders through apple cider and used cinnamon sticks with a vanilla and caramel malted cookie base.

Initial Thoughts:

This is decent whisky that feels like a cocktail malt.

Taste 8

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The light nose opens with a sense of banana bread, pineapple skins, and floral honey with a moment of wet brown sugar and pancake batter.

Palate: That pineapple gets sweet on the palate with a sense of winter spice and dark red berries dipped in vanilla-chocolate sauce.

Finish: The fruitiness builds at the end toward more pineapple, mango skins, and kiwi while the spice leans into some soft wood.

Initial Thoughts:

Again, this feels like it’s built for cocktails and highballs more than anything else. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Taste 9

Tasting Notes:

Nose: This opens with spicy berries next to tart apples with a hint of lemon/lime and old leather on the nose before diving into a rich marzipan dipped in dark chocolate and brandy.

Palate: The sip leans into a honey sweetness with vanilla bean cream, dark plums, and spiced malts with a Christmas nutcake vibe tied to soft candied citrus, berry, and nuts over dark spice cake.

Finish: The finish smooths out with a mineral water softness as old cedar boards mingle with a raisin tobacco chewy spice on the very end.

Initial Thoughts:

I want more of this immediately. It’s great.

Taste 10

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The nose draws you in with a sense of burnt orange layered into dark chocolate and then melted over a singed marshmallow with a hint of malted vanilla cookie tying it all together.

Palate: That dark chocolate drives the palate with a hint of waxiness and woody winter spice next to whole black peppercorns, fresh tangerine, and a whisper of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

Finish: The dark chocolate, woody spice, bright orange, and sharp spearmint all collide on the finish with a sense of soft malted sweetness and faint old oak staves.

Initial Thoughts:

Goddamn, this is so good. It’s so deep and delicious without being overwrought. I really like this whisky.

Part 2 — The Single Malt Scotch Whisky Ranking

10. The Glenrothes Speyside Single Malt Scotch Whisky “Whisky Maker’s Cut” — Taste 3

ABV: 48.8%

Average Price: $85

The Whisky:

The bulbous bottle from The Glenrothes is all about the sherry. The expression spends an undisclosed amount of years in first-fill sherry casks. When those barrels are just right, the whisky is then batched and vatted before being proofed down only slightly.

Bottom Line:

This kind of felt like a malt that got a little lost in the bourbon barrel. It’s perfectly fine. But I’d recommend using this as an intro single malt for bourbon fans to get their footing and then moving on. After that, this is well-suited to mixing whisky-forward classic cocktails or highballs.

9. Kingsbarns Balcomie Lowland Single Malt Scotch Whisky — Taste 8

ABV: 46%

Average Price: $44

The Whisky:

This whisky is from a new(ish) Lowland distillery in Scotland. The whisky in the bottle is a single malt that was aged in ex-bourbon and ex-red wine barriques (a slightly bigger barrel by a few gallons). Those barrels were vatted and proofed with Lowland water before bottling.

Bottom Line:

This felt and is a cocktail whisky. Use it accordingly.

8. Arran Single Malt Scotch Whisky 10 Years Old — Taste 7

ABV: 46%

Average Price: $65

The Whisky:

This is Arran’s entry-point bottle. This is classic unpeated malt that’s left in ex-bourbon to age for a decade before vatting, proofing, and bottling as-is.

Bottom Line:

Again, use this for mixing up nice and easy whisky cocktails and highballs. It’s perfect for that.

7. The Balvenie Single Malt Scotch Whisky DoubleWood Aged 12 Years — Taste 5

ABV: 43%

Average Price: $67

The Whisky:

This is the whisky that launched the “double aging” trend back in 1982. This unpeated single malt spends 12 years mellowing in ex-bourbon casks before it’s transferred to ex-sherry casks for a final maturation of nine months. Finally, the whisky is vatted in a “tun” where it rests for three to four months before proofing and bottling.

Bottom Line:

This is where we rise up a notch. While I’d still highly recommend using this for cocktails, this can work over some rocks on a rainy weekday when you really don’t want to have to think about your whisky pour.

6. The Macallan Highland Single Malt Scotch Whisky 12 Years Old Double Cask — Taste 6

ABV: 43%

Average Price: $59

The Whisky:

Where many scotches spend time in ex-bourbon and then ex-sherry casks or some combination therein, this expression spends all 12 years of its maturation just in sherry casks. The barrels are imported from Jerez, Spain, and hand-selected for their excellence to mature this much-beloved whisky. Then the whisky goes into another sherry cask for one more maturation run before bottling.

Bottom Line:

This is good. You’ll easily see why people love The Macallan when sipping this. Still, I’d rather use this to make a killer cocktail. This feels like a true elevator for whisky-forward concoctions.

5. Mortlach Single Malt Scotch Whisky The Wee Witchie Aged for 12 Years — Taste 1

ABV: 43.4%

Average Price: $53

The Whisky:

This single malt hails from a tiny yet beloved Speyside distillery. The actual whisky is also made on their smallest still, nicknamed “Wee Witchie.” That juice then goes into ex-bourbon and ex-sherry casks for 12 years. Finally, those whiskies are married, proofed, and bottled.

Bottom Line:

This just feels better built with a clearer profile/voice. I still would use this for dope whisky cocktails primarily. That shouldn’t stop you from enjoying this over a big ol’ rock though.

4. Torabhaig Single Malt Scotch Whisky Allt Gleann — Taste 4

ABV: 46%

Average Price: $59

The Whisky:

The Torabhaig Distillery is the new kid on the block on the Isle of Skye. This whisky is made from heavily peated malts and blended to highlight the seaside vibe of that northern island. The whisky was made back in 2018 from two bespoke barley varieties. It then went into first-fill and re-fill ex-bourbon casks before a touch of water for proofing and bottling as-is.

Bottom Line:

This one has serious depth and nuance with a familiar peated smokiness that’s more akin to smoking meat on the beach. Sound good? Get some!

3. Talisker Storm Single Malt Scotch Whisky — Taste 2

ABV: 45.8%

Average Price: $72

The Whisky:

This no-age-statement whisky has an interesting aging process. The whisky is aged in a combination of used barrels and re-charred barrels. Basically, they take old barrels, strip the charring, rebuild those barrels, and then re-char them to Talisker’s standards. The process adds a new layer of depth by rejuvenating the staves. The whisky from those barrels is then blended into a darker, smokier, and deeper single malt.

Bottom Line:

There’s a subtly to this that’s extraordinary. The balance of soft peated beach vibes, spice, and dark fruit just works. Try this over a rock and then mix it into your favorite whisky cocktail.

2. The GlenDronach Orignal Highland Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 12 Years — Taste 9

ABV: 43%

Average Price: $66

The Whisky:

This Highland malt is blended by Scotch icon Dr. Rachel Barrie to highlight the beauty of the Scottish Highlands. The juice is a blend of whiskies aged for 12 years in Oloroso and Pedro Ximenez sherry casks before vatting, proofing, and bottling.

Bottom Line:

I love this pour. That said, it’s a second today purely because this feels like a holiday pour more than any other whisky on the panel. I’m saving this one for holiday cocktails and sipping while cooking big meals.

1. Glenmorangie The Quinta Ruban Highland Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 14 Years — Taste 10

ABV: 46%

Average Price: $54

The Whisky:

Glenmorangie’s 14-Year expression spends 10 years resting in used American oak casks. Those barrels are vatted and the whisky is re-barreled into Quinta Ruban port wine casks from Portugal for another four years of mellowing before batching, proofing, and bottling as-is.

Bottom Line:

This was all-around an excellent whisky. It felt evergreen. There’s no way to go wrong here. No season it doesn’t fit. No time of day or week it won’t slap. Drink however you like to drink your whisky.

Part 3 — Final Thoughts on the Single Malt Scotch Whiskies

There wasn’t a bad whisky in the bunch. That said, unless you’re looking for an everyday cocktail whisky for yourself, I’d skip the bottom three entries and go straight for the middle of the pack — numbers seven through five will make a great cocktail, highball, or on-the-rocks sipper.

Then there’s the top four. They’re all great in their own way. Each one offers something very different. You know what to do — read those tasting notes, find something that sounds like you’ll love it, and then hit that price link to bring it home. Enjoy!

We all have a friend named Bella who had a tough time in 2011 when Twight became a thing, or maybe you recently met a pre-teen named Arya. And surely you have met a Luke or Leia at some point in your life. But the latest name craze is throwing it all the way back to your grandma’s friend group, all thanks to Greta Gerwig (no, it’s not Lady Bird….yet).

According to Nameberry, the baby name database, searches for the name “Barbie” have gone up 603% since April, when the trailer first dropped. Similarly, “Ken” is also seeing a 293% increase in page views. Somewhere out there, Ken Jennings is fuming at the thought of being grouped among the commoners.

But even if people are searching “Barbie” to learn the origins, it doesn’t mean that we’ll have a ton of Barbies in college two decades from now. “Barbie and Ken are piquing parents’ interest, but this doesn’t mean that will translate into actual usage. As of now, Barbie is a predominant Amish name,” Nameberry Editor-in-Chief Sophie Kihm told People. Side note, the most popular baby girl name for 2023 might be “Luxury,” so use that information however you see fit.

The name stems from Barbara, which, according to Nameberry, means “foreign woman.” Perhaps that means someone from Barbieland, maybe? Barbara landed on the Top 10 list every year from 1927 to 1958, when the name slowly began to decrease in popularity. Only time will tell if the name really catches on in the 2020s. Who knows, maybe we’ll see some Julius Oppenheimers running around daycare next year.

(Via People)

Controversial rapper and internet personality Tekashi 69 was arrested on Wednesday, August 9, after being pulled over for a traffic violation. According to NBC News and Billboard, the rapper was pulled over by police after committing “a moving traffic violation” and failing to display a license tag. He was arrested on a warrant issued for failure to appear at a court date in July for a previous traffic incident in June. He was released on bond today.

69 hasn’t had the greatest luck over the past several months. In March, he allegedly assaulted by three men at a gym in Florida and temporarily hospitalized for cuts and bruises. While the three men were later arrested on robbery and assault charges, Tekashi deplored the attack on Instagram, calling the attackers “nothing but cowardly.” He also boasted about “walking around with no security,” while leaving out the part where he couldn’t get security services in the first place and was sued in 2021 for an unpaid $75,000 security bill.

He might need to get caught up on that bill because he’s getting beat up with alarming frequency. Early last year, he was sucker-punched from behind in a Miami nightclub, while later in the year, his girlfriend apparently also punched him, leading to him having to bail her out.

Euphoria star Sydney Sweeney quickly became known beyond the HBO Sam Levinson series. There was her discomfort-inducing The White Lotus character and a recent dramatic turn on HBO’s Reality. Soon, she’ll appear in an R-rated rom com with Glen Powell and Madame Web for Sony. And then there’s the whole MAGA family controversy, which Sweeney recently discussed in a Variety profile.

In that same deep-dive piece, Sweeney reveals how her prolific career has actually delayed her from realizing what she once thought was a life dream, but she’s good with it. During a portion of the Variety interview, Sweeney discusses her soon-to-be thriller with movie mom Julianne Moore. Unsurprisingly, the two actresses bonded, and Sweeney admits that she would like to achieve longevity like Moore, and part of that is finding “a really healthy balance.” Cue the revelation of changed plans:

“I always thought I’d have a kid by now. I always wanted to be a young mom. I love acting, I love the business, I love producing, I love all of it. But what’s the point if I’m not getting to share it with a family?”

A smile breaks through, and Sweeney’s voice turns whimsical. “The time will come, and I’ll have four kids. And they will come with me everywhere and be my best friends.”

For sure, Sydney is only 25, and she’s got ample time for the family thing. At least she realizes that a “healthy balance” is needed, which is the first step to a truly happy life. (Also, go watch Reality if you haven’t done so already.) The rest of the profile is well worth reading over at Variety.

Victor Wembanyama is widely regarded as one of the greatest NBA Draft prospects in modern history and it seems the hype isn’t slowing at the moment. Ratings for NBA 2K24 are rolling in throughout this week and Wembanyama’s is among those that have been made public thus far. The San Antonio Spurs big man received an 84, which marks the highest rating for a rookie in the video game’s history, surpassing Zion Williamson, who received an 81 for 2K20 prior to his first year with the New Orleans Pelicans.

Wembanyama met up with Ronnie 2K to learn his rating and had some fun along the way.

“You better rate me good, man,” he said playfully.

As he opened the envelope revealing his rating, he seemed to appreciate the mark, though vowed to “for sure” be a 90 by the end of the 2023-24 season.

“Ah, that’s nice, that’s all right, that’s just all right,” he said of his rating.

Wembanyama’s 84 rating is shared by the likes of Rudy Gobert, Paolo Banchero, Tyrese Maxey, Cade Cunningham, and Josh Giddey. That’s pretty lofty company as a rookie and speaks to his prowess. He’ll have a chance to begin his journey toward a 90 overall when he and the Spurs kick off their season in late October.

The NFL launched its own streaming service, NFL+, last season, but it was met with fairly reserved fanfare as it only offered access to live preseason games, NFL Films archives, and local and primetime regular season and playoff games on a phone or tablet (a restriction that’s part of the league’s TV deal).

Only being able to watch games on a second screen limited the scope of what fans got out of the package, but it was apparently just a foundation for the league building out a larger streaming platform. This year, with the league shifting its Season Ticket package to YouTube TV rather than DirecTV, it was also able to add more to NFL+ by renegotiating their own rights with a new service. As such, the NFL announced that all NFL+ subscriptions will now include the ability to watch NFL Network and premium subscriptions will be able to watch NFL RedZone — with the biggest note being both channels will be available on the NFL+ TV app, not just on small screens.

Unsurprisingly, there is a price hike to go along with these new additions, as the regular package is $6.99 per month or $59.99 annually, while the premium subscription is now $14.99 per month or $99.99 annually — with both annual deals currently available for $20 off. Given RedZone’s popularity and that it requires you to add a sports extra package on most cable or streaming bundles, this is a pretty good deal and provides another option for NFL fans who might have gotten rid of their cable or only keep it for watching games in the fall.

Can you feel it? Summer is coming to a close (kinda — we don’t know where you live). We don’t want to admit it either but let’s face facts, this is the final full month of the season and we’re nearly halfway through it. Maybe that means you’ve started making travel plans for the holidays, or you’re planning a road trip to watch the leaves change. At the very least, you’ve probably started to rethink whether wearing shorts is the proper attire for a full-day out of the house. Don’t get us wrong, it’s still hot outside but not unbearably so.

That means if you’ve yet to grab an ice-cold brain-freeze-inducing fast food milkshake this summer, you’re f*cking up! What are you going to do drink a milkshake during the fall, aka pumpkin spice and hot chocolate season? Be prepared to be mocked!

Don’t worry, fam, Uproxx won’t let you let the season go without having at least one great milkshake, diet and health concerns be damned. So to celebrate the final hot days of summer we’re ranking the very best milkshakes across the fast food universe.** For this ranking, we picked a single stand-out milkshake from all the big fast food chains so if you’re favorite didn’t make the cut, sorry — we only have room for the best of the best here.

** EDITOR’S NOTE: I can only assume that if Dane had tasted Burgerville’s Marionberry Milkshake it would be among the top 2 or 3 entries. We will work on getting him up to the PNW to rectify this tragic omission. In the meantime, I’ve written about this glorious milkshake here.

• We Blind Tested Bacon Double Cheeseburgers In Search Of The Most Decadent & Delicious
• We Tasted Breakfast Sandwiches Blind To Find The Very Best Fast Food Day-Starter
• We Blind Tested Fast Food French Fries — Here’s The Stone Cold Champ
• We Blind Taste Tested Fast Food Chicken Nuggets — And The Crown Goes To…
• We Blind Tested Fast Food Chocolate Milkshakes — Here’s The Undisputed Champ

16. McDonald’s — McCafe Chocolate Shake

Thickness: 2/5

Tasting Notes & Thoughts

I very much wanted to include the Grimace Shack in this summer milkshake roundup, but unfortunately, McDonald’s has taken it off the menu. It’s not because of the insane viral videos — it was always meant to be limited — but in getting rid of it, McDonald’s has gotten rid of its best milkshake. The McCafe Chocolate Shake isn’t exactly a close second, but it’s a milkshake that you can drink, so… I guess it makes the list.

At the end of the day, this is a fine milkshake. It gets the job done, but compared to everything else in the fast food market, this just doesn’t hold up. The milkshake is made with McDonald’s vanilla soft serve base, blended with a flavored chocolate syrup that tastes too faint to be described as delicious. Overall this milkshake just comes across as too watery in consistency and too weak in flavor.

The Bottom Line:

Skip it and wait for the Shamrock Shake or the inevitable return of the Grimace shake.

Find your nearest McDonald’s here.

15. Wendy’s — Chocolate Frosty

Thickness: 5/5

Tasting Notes & Thoughts

The Chocolate Frosty is thick and super-rich, but with the rise of fast-casual chains like Shake Shack and Steak n Shake, it just doesn’t compare. There was a time when the Frosty was truly novel, offering an unparalleled milkshake experience, but today in 2023 it just comes across as tasting watered down and slightly bland.

I know there are people out there that are ride or die for the Frosty but our advice is, get out there a little more. There are much better milkshakes to be had, let this one die.

The Bottom Line:

Wendy’s makes great cheeseburgers, and delicious chicken sandwiches, and offers amazing sides. Unfortunately, the Frosty comes across like a relic of the past that is in desperate need of a revamp. Because it has such a legendary reputation, we fear it’ll never get that update.

Find your nearest Wendy’s here.

14. Burger King — Chocolate Oreo Milkshake

Thickness: 3/5

Tasting Notes & Thoughts

Burger King’s Chocolate Oreo Milkshake feels interesting, at the least. While shake-specialty fast food chains like Five Guys and Shake Shack have an equivalent to this milkshake, most drive-thru equipped fast food restaurants don’t, and that makes BK’s Chocolate Oreo Milkshake special. It is a standard chocolate milkshake with Oreo cookies blended into it. Vanilla tastes a lot closer to Oreo creme than chocolate does, so strangely this milkshake doesn’t exactly taste like an Oreo Milkshake at all, instead, it comes across as a rich brownie-flavored shake with bits of chocolate cookie for texture.

I don’t hate that! If Burger King paid a little more attention to their milkshake mix and swapped out its stock base with something a bit richer and creamier (and thicker), this milkshake would compete with the best of ‘em, but unfortunately for now this milkshake is just ~ pretty good ~ not great.

The Bottom Line:

A pretty solid chocolate milkshake with chocolate cookie textural elements. Good, but not great.

Find your nearest Burger King here.

13. Dave’s Hot Chicken — Chocolate Shake

Thickness: 3/5

Tasting Notes & Thoughts

Rich earthy chocolate notes dominate this shake. I love the deep chocolate flavor but I’m less of a fan of the slightly watery consistency. It comes up the straw a bit too easily, and it melts quickly. Dave’s Hot Chicken is a fairly new fast food chain and while I’ve sampled most of the menu (including every level of heat), I’ve yet to have the loaded milkshakes, so I can only speak to the quality of the vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry.

But considering Dave’s uses those flavors as the base to build the loaded milkshakes on, I can’t imagine that throwing a bunch of candy significantly improves the experience.

The Bottom Line:

A fine-tasting chocolate milkshake, but the consistency leaves a lot to be desired.

Find your nearest Dave’s Hot Chicken here.

12. Carl’s Jr. — Hand-Scooped Vanilla Ice Cream Shake

Thickness: 4/5

Tasting Notes & Thoughts

Carl’s Jr’s milkshakes don’t rely on soft-serve vanilla ice cream to serve as a base, instead opting to hand-scoop real ice cream into the mixer. The result is a much thicker and richer milkshake, and no flavor shows this off better than the vanilla. Rather than tasting like super sweet milk, this milkshake actually captures the floral soft notes of natural vanilla. Imagine a great scoop of fresh vanilla ice cream, but drinkable!

While I like this shake a lot, it’s hard for a plain vanilla shake to compete with more complex flavors and interesting mix-ins, for that we have to rank this lower than we think it deserves.

The Bottom Line:

If you love the flavor of vanilla, few milkshakes out there can compare to this thick and creamy milkshake which actually captures some of what makes vanilla a special flavor.

Find your nearest Carl’s Jr. here.

11. Arby’s — Jamocha Shake

Thickness: 3/5

Tasting Notes & Thoughts

Arby’s milkshake offerings are straight-up sad, but although the roster is thin this chain is one of the few fast food brand’s that offer a coffee milkshake, and we love them for that!

The Jamocha shake sports a decadent bold coffee flavor hovering over rich chocolatey notes. It’s similar to a Mocha Frappuccino in consistency, but the flavor focuses more on sweet notes rather than coffee. It’s not complex by any means, but it still has a bitter vibe and a considerable amount of caffeine, making it one of the best morning milkshakes.

Milkshakes in the morning? Gotta love summer!

The Bottom Line:

It has a sort of Mocha Frappuccino flavor but with a greater focus on sweetness.

Find your nearest Arby’s here.

10. Del Taco — Strawberry Shake

Thickness: 4/5

Tasting Notes & Thoughts

Refreshing and fruity with a luxurious consistency and actual bits of frozen strawberry that come through the straw offering the occasional tangy infusion of flavor. When a fast food brand only offers the big three milkshake flavors (vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate) it’s rare that strawberry rises above the rest, but at Del Taco it’s hands down the best option.

We can credit the inclusion of real strawberries for that one.

The Bottom Line:

The best strawberry milkshake in fast food.

Find your nearest Del Taco here.

9. Jack in the Box — Oreo Milkshake

Thickness: 2/5

Tasting Notes & Thoughts

Luxuriously thick with a vanilla cream-forward flavor that ends with a strong chocolate cookie finish. The Oreo cookies mixed into this shake are surprisingly crunchy despite being drowned in a vanilla base and JiB goes heavy on the mix-ins here, providing you with a lot of cookie flavor in every sip. At one point in time, this was a top-tier fast food milkshake, but just this year we blind taste-tested Oreo Milkshakes and this one came up dead last.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

The Bottom Line:

It’s good, but several other brands are doing Oreo Milkshakes much better.

Find your nearest Jack in the Box here.

8. Sonic — Strawberry Cheesecake Master Shake

Thickness: 5/5

Tasting Notes & Thoughts

A single sip takes you on a journey that begins creamy, shifts into a sharp wince-inducing tang, morphs into sweet cherry and fruity strawberry flavors, and finishes with a nice nutty cinnamon-inflected graham cracker vibe. Sonic is on some gourmet shake, so they’ve earned the right to use the ridiculous “Master Shake” name.

I’ve long been a fan of Sonic’s Strawberry Cheesecake Master Shake because it’s a bit different than everything else in the fast food landscape. Few brands attempt to capture the magic of strawberry cheesecake, probably because Sonic already nailed it so well, so why try?

The Bottom Line:

If you love strawberry cheesecake, this milkshake will blow your mind. It’s rich, creamy, tangy, and packs a bouquet of flavors in every sip.

Find your nearest Sonic here.

7. In-N-Out — Neapolitan Shake

Thickness: 5/5

Tasting Notes & Thoughts

A medley of flavors that bloom along the palate, beginning with an intense burst of strawberry flavor before settling into creamy chocolatey territory. The consistency is thick and incredibly rich, so if you’re living in California, the land of the paper straws, consider bringing your own because your spit will sog that paper straw up making it useless before you’re done drinking.

If you’re wondering why this isn’t on the menu, it’s because it’s part of In-N-Out’s Secret Menu, but don’t worry you can ask for a “Neapolitan Shake” and the employees will still know what you’re talking about.

The Bottom Line:

One of In-N-Out’s most delicious secrets.

Find your nearest In-N-Out here.

6. Steak n Shake — Oreo Mint Milkshake

Thickness: 4/5

Tasting Notes & Thoughts

Remember when I said there were several fast food brands that did Oreo milkshakes better than Jack in the Box? Steak and Shake is one of them. This milkshake offers a stunningly complex iteration of an admittedly overused flavor. It begins with a cool mint flavor that pairs perfectly with the semi-bitter cocoa flavor of Oreo cookies before finishing with a sweet vanilla flavor.

Every element of this milkshake is thicker than what JiB offers, from the whipped cream to the milkshake base. JiB wishes it had a milkshake this good!

The Bottom Line:

Like an Andes Mint had a baby with an Oreo Cookie and that baby was a delicious milkshake.

Find your nearest Steak n Shake here.

5. Johnny Rocket’s — Chocolate Chip Cookie Shake

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Thickness: 4/5

Tasting Notes & Thoughts

Johnny Rocket’s Chocolate Chip cookie shake is exactly what it sounds like — a milkshake that captures the magic of a chocolate chip cookie. It’s smooth and buttery with a prominent brown sugar flavor with semi-sweet chocolate notes on the aftertaste. As good as this milkshake is, it’s unfortunately not a permanent fixture on Johnny Rocket’s menu so if you like the idea of drinking a chocolate chip cookie, get yourself to Johnny Rockets as quickly as possible.

The Bottom Line:

A delicious milkshake that features a buttery brown sugar flavor with gentle kisses of semi-sweet chocolate flavor.

Find your nearest Johnny Rockets here.

4. Dairy Queen — Banana Malt

Thickness: 5/5

Tasting Notes & Thoughts

Why don’t more fast food restaurants serve banana milkshakes? How is this not an obvious win for everyone? Thankfully we have DQ and their Banana Malt is so good it’s worth a trip for the milkshake alone.

The combination of sweet intense banana flavor and the toasty malted milk powder combine to create a milkshake so rich that a single sip will cause you to exclaim “god damn!” Be warned, if you drink this milkshake out in public you’re going to embarrass yourself because it’s too hard to drink it and not express to someone just how delicious it is.

DQ is one of the few fast food chains that still use malted milk powder in its milkshakes, offering a richer and thicker milkshake than the competition.

The Bottom Line:

A winning combination. It’s one part intensely sweet and tropical, one part toasty and rich. If you haven’t been to DQ in a minute, this right here is a reason to go.

Find your nearest Dairy Queen here.

3. Five Guys — Milkshake with Oreos and Oreo Creme

Thickness: 5/5

Tasting Notes & Thoughts

There isn’t a single fast food restaurant that makes a better Oreo milkshake than Five Guys because this tastes exactly like an actual Oreo cookie. It has a supremely thick consistency with a prominent chocolate cookie finish. The sensation of drinking this milkshake is a bit like eating an Oreo inside out, it begins creamy and sweet and finishes with that strong cocoa flavor characteristic of Oreos.

It’s no secret how Five Guys is able to pull this off, they throw both the Oreo cookie and its cream into the milkshake, rather than just the cookies like most of the other fast food chains out there. The results are incomparable, this is the ultimate Oreo Milkshake and we even did a blind taste test to prove it. Five Guys has a fully customizable menu so don’t just stop at Oreos, go ahead and mix in bananas, peanut butter, or even bacon for a salty smokey finish.

The Bottom Line:

Your favorite Five Guys milkshake will vary based on what sort of mix-ins you like, but using the Oreo cookies and creme as a starting base will ensure that you build a truly delicious milkshake.

Find your nearest Five Guys here.

2. Chick-fil-A — Peach Milkshake

Thickness: 4/5

Tasting Notes & Thoughts

Delicate, floral, sweet and slightly tangy, Chick-fil-A’s Peach milkshake is truly one of the greatest milkshake experiences in all of fast food. It’s made with real peach puree blended with Chick-fil-A’s iconic Icedream soft serve and topped with creamy ribbons of whipped cream. The consistency is very thick, yet somehow airy, and passes easily through the straw.

This is a seasonal milkshake that only hits the menu in the summer, which is a true shame because it’s significantly better than all of Chick-fil-A’s milkshake flavors. So much so that I’m going to go ahead and suggest you not even bother ordering a milkshake from Chick-fil-A in any other season.

The Bottom Line:

A must-order. Hurry while you still can because this seasonal shake leaves the menu as soon as the weather turns cool.

Find your nearest Chick-fil-A here.

1. Shake Shack — Malted Chocolate Milkshake

Thickness: 4/5

Tasting Notes & Thoughts

Remarkably complex beginning with flavors of rich cocoa and earthy brown sugar that turn nutty and toasted as it melts on the tongue. The flavors here go deep, the way they inundate your taste buds and completely take over your senses is unparalleled in the fast food space. I’ve never had a fast food milkshake that tastes as rich, overwhelming, and satisfying as this.

Now sure, naming a plain chocolate milkshake as the best in all of fast food admittedly feels weak and a bit boring, but the flavor here is undeniable — sometimes you just can’t compete with a classic.

Make sure when you’re ordering your milkshake from Shake Shack that you “make it malted,” because that malted milk powder deepens and enriches the flavors in a way the stock milkshake just doesn’t. Once you go malted, you’ll never be able to settle for a milkshake that isn’t malted.

The Bottom Line:

Shake Shack earns its name by producing the finest milkshake in the entire fast food landscape. You may not believe that a simple chocolate malted milkshake can beat them all, but order this just once and we guarantee you won’t be arguing with our choice. Nothing beats this, period.

Find your nearest Shake Shack here.

Brock Lesnar’s had a busy couple of days. On Saturday, Lesnar completed his trilogy against Cody Rhodes at SummerSlam, which he lost by pinfall. After it was over, Lesnar apparently surprised Rhodes by going off script, extending his hand, and giving the American Nightmare a hug in the center of the ring.

It was an awfully nice moment between the two, and while Rhodes appeared on television this week by kicking off Raw and then having a match later, Lesnar was nowhere to be found. While it’s not uncommon for Lesnar to take breaks from his time in the squared circle, he’s usually pretty good at going completely off the map when he’s away from WWE, which he isn’t doing this time.

A video started going around the internet on Thursday of Lesnar hopping on stage at a Zach Bryan concert. It happened on Wednesday night as he performed “Revival,” and I do not think I have ever seen Brock Lesnar have this much fun doing anything other than hitting people with a bunch of German suplexes.

We’ll have to wait and see when Lesnar’s next appearance in WWE is going to be, but until that day comes, I hope he keeps popping up at concerts from coast to coast.