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It’s hard to imagine Margot Robbie not playing Barbie, but she wasn’t the first choice. Barbie originally starred Amy Schumer, who later dropped out of the project (before Greta Gerwig was involved) in 2017. “Sadly, I’m no longer able to commit to Barbie due to scheduling conflicts,” she wrote at the time. “The film has so much promise, and Sony and Mattel have been great partners. I’m bummed, but look forward to seeing Barbie on the big screen.”

Schumer finally revealed the real story on Watch What Happens Live.

“I think we said it was scheduling conflicts, that’s what we said. But yeah, it really was just creative differences. But you know, there’s a new team behind it, and it looks like it’s very feminist and cool, so I will be seeing the movie,” she said, according to Variety. When asked by host Andy Cohen if the old script wasn’t “feminist and cool,” she replied, “Yeah! Yeah.”

Schumer mentioned to The Hollywood Reporter last year that Sony “definitely didn’t want to do it the way I wanted to do it, the only way I was interested in doing it.” She said she should’ve known the project wasn’t for her when the studio gifted her a pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes to celebrate her casting.

There are no hard feelings between Schumer and Robbie. “I can’t wait to see the [Margot Robbie] movie, it looks awesome,” she said. Schumer didn’t mention how she felt about Ryan Gosling as Ken, because she need to — who could be mad at this guy?

Barbie opens on July 21st.

(Via Variety)

Selena Gomez’s schedule is filled to the brim. Whether she’s taking meetings for her cosmetics line Rare Beauty, filming for one of her shows on the Food Network, or popping into session studios for her forthcoming album, Gomez is swamped. However, the “My Mind & Me” singer still wants to find love.

In a viral video, the entertainer confessed that she is indeed single, and it’s a struggle. While attending a soccer matchup with friends, Gomez sporadically belted out her relationship status. As weird as it may sound, the hilarious moment was captured on video and uploaded to the actress’ TikTok page.

The post is captioned, “The struggle, man lol,” while in the video, Gomez can be heard yelling, “I’m single. I’m just a little high-maintenance. But I’ll love you soooo much.”

Gomez may be against dating apps, but she doesn’t mind putting herself out there in person. Gomez has been linked to several other musicians in the past, but those whispers are often muffled by the star. Earlier in the year, rumors began to circulate online that she was dating The Chainsmokers’ Drew Taggart. The pair was spotted out bowling together. However, Gomez quickly took to social media to cut those down, writing in her Instagram Stories,”#IAmSingle.”

It’s an exciting time to be affiliated with the Denver Nuggets. The team is in the middle of competing in the NBA Finals for the first time in franchise history, and as of right now, they find themselves up, 2-1, on the Miami Heat. They are overwhelming favorites to win the Larry O’Brien trophy and Nikola Jokic is erasing any doubt that he is the best player on the planet.

But guess what, folks: Despite all of this, Denver’s front office found time to make a trade in the middle of the Finals. Hours before Game 4 tips off in Miami on Friday night, Adrian Wojnarowski of ESPN reported that the Nuggets and the Oklahoma City Thunder pulled off a deal that involves a bunch of draft capital moving around, with the most notable pieces of the puzzle being a pair of first-round picks moving in opposite directions.

Denver finds itself in a position where its core players — Jokic, Jamal Murray, Michael Porter Jr., Aaron Gordon — are all under contract through at least the 2024-25 season. It’s why there’s so much optimism about their ability to keep being a contender over the next few years, but as Wojnarowski pointed out, it’s important to them to do everything they possibly can to maximize their odds of winning as many championships as possible before their cap sheet becomes untenable.

I don’t know about you, but “Bill Murray is apparently dating 2000s-era, milkshake-slinging R&B star Kelis, who is nearly 30 years his junior” was not on MY Bingo card for 2023. Actually, yes, I do know; it wasn’t on yours, either, and if you say it was, you’re a worse liar than the narrator from “It Wasn’t Me” by Shaggy.

In fact, it wasn’t on anyone’s, and pop culture observers on Twitter are reeling after being blindsided by the unexpected celebrity dating gossip. It isn’t just the overlap in semi-disparate worlds: Murray is, of course, a lauded, veteran comedic actor whose roles tend to stick to the quirky side of humor, while Kelis rose to stardom at the turn of the millennium with a slew of high-profile, Neptunes-produced hits like “Caught Out There (I Hate You So Much Right Now)” and “Milkshake.” More recently, Kelis has turned to farming and selling wellness and beauty products. These worlds weren’t supposed to collide.

But the universe is a mystery, and so, we now have The Sun reporting that the pair has been “getting cozy” after the deaths of their respective spouses in the past two years (both have also had recent bouts of bad press). The age gap has also been a point of interest for commenters (he’s 72, she’s 43); in addition to containing echoes of Murray’s role in Sofia Coppola’s 2003 romantic dramedy Lost In Translation, it has provided plenty of fodder for jokes about Kelis’ Ensure (the nutrition drink often favored by the aged) bringing all the boys to the yard — a tongue-in-cheek reference to the chorus from “Milkshake.” Check out fans’ responses below.

Did you survive the Great War? If you got tickets to see Taylor Swift on her sold-out Eras Tour, congratulations. For everyone else, there’s still hope. There’s a dedicated group of Swift fans who are helping other Swifties find tickets for the remaining dates on the tour without getting scammed or going into debt. I spoke to three bot-busters — @erastourticks, @erastourtix, and @Kat_AF13 — on how to not overpay on the re-sale market and tips for getting tickets. F*ck the Patriarchy? Yes, but also F*ck the Scammers.

1. What made you want to help fellow Swifties out?

@erastourticks: “I wanted to help Swifties out because I know Ticketmaster’s Verified Fan roll out process was not an enjoyable experience. I was left ticketless in that experience, waitlisted, and never got any second chance opportunity to purchase tickets. I know so many major Swifties and fans who also felt left out in this process, so I wanted to start this to give back to the community and get fans tickets – not scalpers, not bots, not other party resellers.”

@erastourtix: “I wanted to help Swifties since I know how confusing Ticketmaster and their Verified Fan policy are, so I created this account to help everyone better understand how the system works and how to increase chances of getting tickets during presale. From there, I shifted the account to provide updates on when Ticketmaster has been providing additional ticket opportunities, as well as reposting ticket giveaways and people selling their tickets. It’s super important to me that everyone has an equal chance to see Taylor, and misinformation online doesn’t help, so I felt the need to create this account to be a space where people can find updates about Ticketmaster sales and additional ways they can find tickets.”

@Kat_AF13: “I went to the Eras Tour after purchasing a face-value ticket during pre-sale. It’s truly an incredible experience that I wish every Swiftie could have. The goal is to keep as many tickets off resell sites as possible and get them in the hands of real fans for a fair price. The resell market for Eras is outrageous and pricing a lot of Swifties out, so we’re trying to connect fans with fairly-priced tickets in every way possible.”

2. What is the frustration you hear from fans the most?

@erastourticks: “People want tickets and there is ticket inventory from each show that is left. I’m hearing a lot of people tell me the process has been unfair, that Ticketmaster has not been transparent enough and continues to not take accountability for any of the remaining tickets left. I hear a lot of complaints where people were left waitlisted, never got secondary opportunities that were available, issues with code errors and technical glitches that prevented the opportunity to secure tickets. Every night new tickets drop, we see a large spike in tickets available on resale sites – this is a clear indication that the fans who want to be there are not getting those tickets.”

@erastourtix: “The most frustration from people would probably be the lack of affordable tickets available, followed by confusion about Ticketmaster’s additional opportunities to purchase tickets.”

@Kat_AF13: “Ticketmaster. They screwed up the November pre-sale, and continue to allow ‘ticket brokers’ (scalpers) to get tickets during every ticket drop since. There’s no mistaking what’s happening when you watch an entire row of seats disappear in an instant and reappear across all ticket resell sites under the same listing in less than two minutes, with a 1000 percent markup (it’s common to see $49 tickets relisted for $1,200+).”

3. What was your story like trying to find tickets for the tour? Or were you able to see her?

@erastourticks: “No, I have not had the opportunity to see the Eras Tour and currently remain ticketless. It was a total disaster for me like many Swifties. As soon as the North American leg of the tour was revealed, I signed up for Verified Fan registration within 45 minutes, post announcement. I’ve been a fan since approximately 2007 and have not missed a single concert tour since the first time I saw Taylor in concert. It was extremely invalidating as a Swiftie to see my dedication and status as a fan be discarded during the Verified Fan process. So the ‘random selection’ which Ticketmaster refers to for Verified Fan is not something I can support at all. I do feel like how long you’ve supported someone is a huge part of any Swiftie’s legacy and I’m disappointed many old and new fans were left out.”

@erastourtix: “I went through presale week like everybody else. Both of my parents and I signed up for Verified Fan, but only my mom was selected. I got in the queue for MetLife Stadium (the selected show) and waited many hours, only to find they sold out. Luckily my friends let me use their accounts, and I was able to get tickets for opening night in Glendale (which was sold through SeatGeek, not Ticketmaster). I tried to help another friend the next day with the Capital One presale, but no tickets would be added to either of our carts. I was super surprised when general sale was completely canceled, as I’ve been using Ticketmaster for many years and have never seen that happen.”

@Kat_AF13: “I got tickets during the November pre-sale. It took six and a half hours of trying to get tickets non-stop. I was on a FaceTime call the whole time with my three friends also trying; I was the only one who was successful. I feel very grateful to have gone. Taylor is putting on a magical show and I had the best time.”

4. What has been the most in-demand show?

@erastourticks: “This isn’t something I’ve been able to measure and in fact, I believe it would be difficult to measure. Definitely quoting ‘every day is like a battle’ from ‘New Romantics’ when it comes to the random Ticketmaster drops. I’ve noticed that every show gets more and more difficult as demand grows throughout the tour. I’m thinking the SoFi Stadium dates will be the biggest with the number of shows and sheer volume of fans expected with multiple shows there.”

@erastourtix: “The most in demand city has been MetLife, probably Saturday night since that’s always the most in demand night, and people really wanted to see the openers for that night, Gracie Abrams and Phoebe Bridgers.”

@Kat_AF13: “All of the shows have been very in-demand, but the popularity of Eras seems to build each weekend and picked up steam after Houston for Atlanta, where we saw the minimum resell price stay over $1,000 for the first time. We saw the highest minimum resell prices yet for Metlife night three.”

5. What’s your top piece of advice for someone trying to get Taylor tickets?

@erastourticks: “My number one advice to someone trying to get tickets: definitely follow my page and have notifications turned on. If you can get your friends/family on board to help you out, it may be worth it as well! Also one thing to look out for is, I’ve learned my page is also home to A TON of scammers. I definitely advise caution when purchasing from another person. The ONLY payment method you should ever use is PayPal G&S. No exceptions as in the event you are scammed you can get your money.”

@erastourtix: “Number one piece of advice: Don’t give up. It 100 percent takes a lot more work finding Taylor tickets than it would other artists, but in the end will be worth it since the show is unforgettable. Ticketmaster is constantly doing small drops of tickets and many fans are selling online (in all corners of the internet), you’ll just have to put in a greater amount of time and effort to find them.”

@Kat_AF13: “The best way to get face-value tickets is through the second round Verified Fan presale that happens about 10 days before each show weekend. However, you needed to sign up for Verified Fan last year and Ticketmaster doesn’t send the codes to everyone who signed up. Other than that, my best advice is to follow along with the Swifties helping and sharing ticket updates. A few of us are now working together with the shared goal of getting Swifties tickets. Don’t jump into buying tickets online without doing your homework first, there are a lot of scammers out there now.”

6. What’s your favorite Taylor Swift song?

@erastourticks: “Oh that’s the hardest question for a Swiftie like me to ever answer. I could make you a playlist of the ones that stand out to me for one reason or another. I’ve found there’s always one song that stands out to me the most on every album. Like on Midnights, for me it was ‘Dear Reader.’”

@erastourtix: My favorite song changes often, but right now I would say it’s ‘You Are In Love.’”

@Kat_AF13: “What kind of mood am I in? I can’t pick a favorite, but the most special Taylor song to me is ‘Hey Stephen.’”

Give them a follow below.

The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE – The Fast & Furious franchise is so beautiful

It brings me a great deal of pleasure to inform all of you that Fast X co-stars Vin Diesel and Jason Momoa are feuding. Probably. Maybe. I don’t actually know if they are. But there was a report over at Radar this week that claimed they are, one riddled with anonymous sources and the kind of language that reads as “some guy I know heard from his kid’s friend’s mom that Vin Diesel’s gardener heard Vin’s other gardener on the phone with his brother and he said,” which is how all the best stories start. Let’s all agree to be reasonably intelligent adults about this and take it with a few grains of salt but press on anyway because it’s too fun not to.

Because, like, look at this anonymous quote.

“Vin is embarrassed Jason is being branded the only bright spot in the film and stealing his thunder in the franchise he built himself,” said a source.

And look at this sentence.

Insiders said the strongman has been telling friends Jason’s “overacting” and “scene-stealing” undermined his movie, which drew a wimpy 57 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes but still opened to a strong box office.

And this part, too.

“Jason knows he’s the flavor of the moment and Vin’s jealous of him,” said a source. “But he doesn’t appreciate Vin trying to poison the public against him. This has the potential to be Hollywood’s next biggest feud.”

Honestly, it’s beautiful. All of it, up to and including the thing where they described the film’s Rotten Tomatoes score as “wimpy” right after describing Vin Diesel as a “strongman.” Just a remarkable use of the English language.

And I would happily dismiss all of this as tabloid hooey if… I mean, we all remember Vin’s feud with The Rock, yes? The one that exploded a few years back after The Rock showed up as an antagonist to Dominic Toretto and kind of stole Vin’s thunder and culminated in The Rock logging into Instagram and airing out the whole thing in public like it was a high school kerfuffle over who did or did not get invited to Tyler’s skate party the weekend before? I hope you remember it. I will never forget it. Reasonable arguments can be made that it was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

And now we might have another one. Maybe. For potentially similar and conflicting reasons. If these quotes are to be believed, Vin is mad at Jason Momoa for both stealing his spotlight by being a glittering ball of charisma and for ruining the entire movie, which is really pretty hilarious and also exactly something a true egomaniac and diva would think, which feels… let’s just say it’s not entirely out of line with the things people have said about Vin Diesel in the past. It makes me so happy. The big and silly franchise about street racing that has since been to outer space and blown up half of the Vatican is somehow bigger and more dramatic behind the scenes than it is in front.

I need this to be real. I need it to last forever. I need the next press tour to be littered with veiled attacks and lightly-coded social media firebombs back and forth. I need someone to ask Ludacris about it. I will do it myself if I have to.

ITEM NUMBER TWO – Hope none of you needed to paint anything pink

Did you have a baby girl recently? Or a gender reveal party to announce your upcoming baby girl? Well, congratulations, first of all. I hope you gave her a cool name, like maybe Natasha or Veronica. I’m sure whatever you picked is fine. But maybe you noticed something when you were preparing for her. Maybe you went to the store to buy some pink paint to splash around for the party and you got to the store and were informed that, whoops, no pink paint. And maybe you went to another store and they were out, too. And a third store. And then maybe you snapped and found yourself shouting “WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘JUST GET A RED AND A WHITE AND MIX IT’? I’M NOT PICASSO, SHARON” into your cell phone in the middle of an art supply store. You know, like a normal person.

Well, there’s an explanation for all of that. Turns out the upcoming Barbie movie wiped out the world’s supply of pink paint.

Everything also needed to be pink. “Maintaining the ‘kid-ness’ was paramount,” Gerwig says. “I wanted the pinks to be very bright, and everything to be almost too much.” In other words, she continues, she didn’t want to “forget what made me love Barbie when I was a little girl.” Construction, Greenwood notes, caused an international run on the fluorescent shade of Rosco paint. “The world,” she laughs, “ran out of pink.”

Well, that’s actually kind of lovely. And very funny. Just a great story to have in your back pocket for a conversation at dinner. Unfortunately, someone at the Los Angeles Times did research and went and provided context and ruined the whole thing.

However, Proud said it’s not that simple. During “Barbie’s” production in 2022, the COVID-19 pandemic was jamming the global supply chain on a host of products and goods, including Rosco’s paint.

The company was also still recovering from the deep freeze that blanketed Texas in early 2021 and damaged vital materials used to create the paint. In short, Rosco was already operating with less paint than it was used to.

“There was this shortage,” Proud said, “and then we gave them everything we could — I don’t know they can claim credit.”

This is what I meant about that Diesel-Momoa feud. We went and researched ourselves right out of a good time. And now I feel bad because I’m part of the problem by letting you know about it, too. I don’t feel great about my part in this either.

Let’s pretend the second half of this section never happened.

ITEM NUMBER THREE – I’m sorry but this is incredible

Okay, here’s the situation: Former Twins co-stars and Hollywood icons Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito sat down to chat with each other for a while and Interview Magazine recorded the whole thing, which feels like cheating for a magazine with “interview” right there in its name, but whatever. Not the point. The point is that their chat was kind of amazing. All of it. Go read it or watch it or listen to it. But definitely read this chunk of the transcript where two aging buddies have a little chat about life and death.

SCHWARZENEGGER: I said, “We don’t know what happens with the soul and all this spiritual stuff that I’m not an expert in, but I know that the body as we see each other now, we will never see each other again like that.”

DEVITO: We deteriorate.

SCHWARZENEGGER: Except in some fantasy. When people talk about, “I will see them again in heaven,” it sounds so good, but the reality is that we won’t see each other again after we’re gone. That’s the sad part. I know people feel comfortable with death, but I don’t.

DEVITO: No.

SCHWARZENEGGER: Because I will fucking miss the shit out of everything. To sit with you here, that will one day be gone?

DEVITO: No!

SCHWARZENEGGER: And to have fun and to go to the gym and to pump up, to ride my bike on the beach, to travel around, to see interesting things all over the world. What the fuck?

DEVITO: Life! It’s the best!

Three things here:

• You do not often see a conversation move from bleak to inspirational at this kind of breakneck speed, but I do appreciate it
• If you didn’t hear all of those words in the very distinct voices of the two men who said them in your head the first time you read through that, please go back and do that on a second read-through because it is maybe the most fun I’ve ever had reading anything, especially the thing where Arnold Schwarzenegger says “What the fuck?”
• Every audiobook should come with a “read by Danny DeVito” option

Moving on.

ITEM NUMBER FOUR – ITYSL things are happening

The third season of the brilliant and stupid and brilliantly stupid Netflix sketch series I Think You Should Leave dropped last week. You knew this. You’ve seen it all and read my rankings of the sketches and you probably yelled at me about it a little, if my Twitter mentions over the last couple days are any indication. That’s fine. We all love to have fun online. And on ziplines. It’s a good show.

But we’ve talked about all of that enough for now. What we haven’t talked about enough, on the other hand, is this profile of the show’s creator and star, Tim Robinson, over at the New York Times. It’s a fun read, and it opens with a really funny and very ITYSL story about spicy food, but my favorite part of the whole thing is tucked away in this paragraph a teeny bit later.

I had been warned that Robinson is deeply uncomfortable doing media. He dislikes, especially, being asked to analyze his comedy. That night, he and Kanin were exhausted. It was April, and they were nearing the end of the marathon process of finishing Season 3, basically living in the editing room, watching sketches over and over, trying to cut the material ruthlessly down to its essence. Their deadline was uncomfortably close; a writers’ strike was looming. They had no idea what day of the week it was. Netflix P.R. had very clearly forced them to meet with me against their will. (They agreed, after many weeks of pressure, to an 8 p.m. dinner at a restaurant that closed at 9.)

I… I think I love this. Scheduling a dreaded meeting over dinner that starts one hour before the restaurant closes is just so good. Because after 5-10 minutes of small talk (“nice place, love the tablecloths”) and 5-10 minutes of menu chat (“Hey, if I order some spring rolls as an appetizer, would you guys want a few?”) and time spent actually chewing and swallowing (gulpchompchompgulp), that leaves… what… maybe 20 minutes for the actual business of the meeting you didn’t want to have? And that’s not even factoring in 10 minutes of “How’s your chicken?” and “Have you guys ever eaten at McHouliguddies? Their fish and chips is outta this world…” food chat that usually accompanies a meal.

This is honestly so smart. I need to remember this trick. And while I’m on the subject of food-related ITYSL stuff I was amazed by this week, let’s go ahead and toss this in here, too.

I am so proud of everyone today. Tim Robinson, Guy Fieri, whoever runs Guy’s Twitter account, myself for writing all this down, you for reading it, everyone. Great work by all of us this week.

ITEM NUMBER FIVE – This is kind of beautiful, actually

The cast of Cheers got back together for a nice little event this week where they yukked it up a bit and talked about the good old days for a while. Which is nice. Call up some of your old buddies you have seen in a while and have dinner together sometime. It’s fun. It’s wild how quickly you all settle back into your old rhythms again, even if it’s been years. Friends are cool. I recommend having some.

This brings me to the point of all of this: Their chat eventually worked its way to a story about noted vegan Woody Harrelson accidentally consuming pork, told by Cheers co-star George Wendt, which he has probably told 70000000000 times since it happened because, well, it’s a pretty good story. Here, look.

“[One night] we had catered Chinese food, and Woody found out after about 20 minutes that he was eating pork,” Wendt said. “And he decided to go purge. So I told him, ‘Out of solidarity, I will purge with you.’ And Ted said, ‘I’ll purge, too.’ There were only three stalls in the Stage 25 men’s room, and I’ll tell you this: You don’t want to laugh while puking.”

The first and most important thing here is that it’s nice to have the type of friends in your life who are willing to puke with you in solidarity. Puking stinks. It’s uncomfortable and embarrassing and I would happily never do it again, if possible. I imagine a couple of buddies showing support by doing it with you makes it a little better, more tolerable, maybe even a little fun.

But the other thing here is good, too. And that’s the thing where I now have a mental image of some production assistant opening the door to the bathroom to squeeze in a quick pee break between tasks and barging in on A-list television stars Woody Harrelson, Ted Danson, and George Wendt puking their guts out into toilets in adjoining stalls and laughing like maniacs about it.

I imagine he has also told that story a lot over the years. I bet no one believed him. I bet he saw this story this week, too, and immediately emailed it to all of his friends with a subject line like “SEE?!”

Good for him.

READER MAIL

If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.

From Kevin:

It seems unfair that we have to go from the highs of the final seasons of Succession, Barry, and Ted Lasso, and the NBA Playoffs, and a new season of Yellowjackets to… basically nothing, all in a span of about two weeks. What am I supposed to do here? Scroll through my streaming apps mindlessly for an hour and then go to bed? Talk to my family? Watch baseball? Help me out here, man. Help me fill this void. What are we watching?

WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?!

Kevin, I do feel you on this, even though I’m a sicko who legitimately enjoys watching baseball. (Go Phillies.) Things got dire real fast. ITYSL was nice but that’s about 90 minutes of runtime total, which I can and did rip through in two sittings between work and the start of some Phillies games. It’s almost worse knowing there are 6000 things to choose from. It is somehow harder than when you just had, like, three options. Which is weird.

Here’s what I’ll tell you…

First of all, we put out a weekly watch guide that hits a lot of new and recurring stuff to choose from, so that’s a decent place to start

Second, this is a great opportunity to catch up on stuff you missed earlier in the year when things were crazy. I’ve been working my way through Mrs. Davis on Peacock this week, finally, after a few false starts last month. It’s a blast. Full-on wild Lindelof, like a Watchmen or a Leftovers, but about a nun doing battle with an all-knowing AI creation and trying to destroy the Holy Grail. It’s nuts. This happens early on…

… and gets explained later with a twist so powerfully stupid and fun that I started gasping at my laptop. And then, in an episode I just watched earlier this week, this happens…

… which you know I love.

It’s totally nuts. I adore it. Maybe it’s not your cup of tea, though. That’s fine. Double back and catch up on something else. Maybe you missed Severance or Shrinking or The Resort. Those are great, too. But I’m sticking with my nuns for now. At least until Justified comes back.

AND NOW, THE NEWS

To New Jersey!

A Monmouth County homeowner says he was shocked to discover that two Sea-Doos that were in his driveway were stolen in the middle of the night.

JET SKI HEIST

WE HAVE A JET SKI HEIST

A MIDNIGHT JET SKI HEIST

Surveillance video shows two men walking onto the property and approaching the trailer that the water vehicles were sitting on top of. They were wearing black. They are seen moving two garbage cans, removing the blocks keeping the wheels of the trailer from moving, and then are seen lifting the trailer by hand and rolling it away.

I can’t decide if this is a letdown or if it’s perfect. Like, on one hand, I really wanted this to involve tuxedos and lasers and the whole Entrapment/Ocean’s shebang. But, on the other hand, it feels kind of… right that the New Jersey jet ski heist was perpetrated by two idiots who moved trash cans to do it.

I’ll keep thinking about it while we press on.

“I woke up around 6 a.m. to get ready for work. I look at my Ring notifications and I noticed that I saw my truck and it looked weird. I said, ‘What’s going on?’ and I realized the Jet Skis were gone,” Cambria says.

It’s really funny to picture this in your mind but, when you get to the part where he notices the jet skis are gone, then you picture a tight zoom on his stunned face and add in a needle drop of the song “Extreme Ways” by Moby. The one from the Jason Bourne movies. This one.

This makes me really happy.

Cambria also says that just before noon he got a call from the police stating that the trailer was found in Edison. The were no signs of the water vehicles. Cambria says he hopes someone may have seen the men driving away.

Okay, here’s what I need you to do. Hit play on “Extreme Ways” again. Get that image in your head of this poor schmuck realizing his jet skis are gone…

Okay…

Now…

Picture a smash cut to Matt Damon…

In character as Jason Bourne…

Riding one of the stolen jet skis.

Dead serious.

Like stone-faced, zero emotion.

Song still playing.

David Strathairn is on the other one.

They’re zig-zapping through the waves on the Jersey Shore.

You are very welcome.

As promised, Netflix followed through on its plans to crack down on password sharing, and it appears to be working exactly as planned. Despite a social media backlash, the streaming giant has already seen a boost in subscriber numbers, according to early data. In fact, the numbers of daily sign-ups for Netflix is reportedly higher than during the start of the COVID pandemic when streaming companies had a captive audience thanks to lockdowns and the need for social distancing.

The data comes from the research company Antenna, which claims in a new report that Netflix has had “the four single largest days of U.S. user sign-ups since January 2019.”

Via Variety:

Based on the most current Antenna data available, Netflix saw average daily sign-ups reached 73,000 from May 25-28, a 102% increase from the prior 60-day average. That was more than the spikes in subscriber sign-ups Antenna recorded during the initial U.S. COVID-19 lockdowns in March and April 2020.

However, Antenna reports that Netflix has seen an increase in cancellations, but those were less than the number of sign-ups. “The ratio of sign-ups to cancels since May 23 increased 25.6% compared with the previous 60-day period,” according to the report.

Netflix made the move to limit accounts in late May when it began encouraging to “buy an extra member” for $7.99 that would allow someone who doesn’t live in their household to use the family account. While this initiative created concern over how people wouldn’t be locked out of their accounts while traveling and/or a potential added cost for college students, the password crackdown appears to be working as intended during these first few weeks.

(Via Variety)

Getting tickets for The Eras Tour hasn’t been easy for anyone. Ticketmaster had to cancel the general sale in the US after the pre-sale was flooded by an unexpected amount of users. “The site was supposed to be opened up for 1.5 million verified Taylor Swift fans,” said Liberty Media CEO and Live Nation chairman Greg Maffei. “We had 14 million people hit the site, including bots — another story — which are not supposed to be there.”

It’s not getting any easier. The “Anti-Hero” singer revealed Latin America dates just the other week, kicking off in August in Mexico and ending in Brazil in November. The pre-sale was this morning (June 9), and fans on Twitter are lamenting how difficult the queue was. Specifically for the concert in Brazil, there were over one million people on the website trying to get tickets. Swifties are both praising the pop star for her world domination, and, of course, complaining about how hard it is to see her live.

Find the Latin American tour dates below.

08/24 — Mexico City, MX @ Foro Sol
08/25 — Mexico City, MX @ Foro Sol
08/26 — Mexico City, MX @ Foro Sol
11/09 — Buenos Aires, AR @ Estadio River Plate
11/10 — Buenos Aires, AR @ Estadio River Plate
11/18 — Rio de Janeiro, BR @ Estadio Nilton Santos – Engenhao
11/25 — São Paulo, BR @ Allianz Parque
11/26 — São Paulo, BR @ Allianz Parque

Since the beginning of his storied career, Eminem has been known for his often explicit and/or controversial lyrics. Now, one of his most beloved tunes is at the center of a workplace sex discrimination lawsuit.

As the San Francisco Chronicle reports, eight former employees of S&S Activewear, seven of whom are women, have filed a lawsuit against the company. The suit says the company allowed employees to set up and use speakers in the warehouse. Among the songs played on those speakers, and cited in the lawsuit, are Eminem’s “Stan” and Too Short’s “Blowjob Betty.”

Part of “Stan” tells the story of a man who put a woman in the trunk of his car, with Eminem rapping, “See, Slim — shut up, b*tch! I’m tryin’ to talk / Hey, Slim, that’s my girlfriend screamin’ in the trunk / But I didn’t slit her throat, I just tied her up — see? I ain’t like you / ‘Cause if she suffocates, she’ll suffer more, and then she’ll die, too.”

The suit claims S&S received complaints “almost daily” for nearly two years, but management defended the music, calling it “motivational.”

The lawsuit was previously dismissed by Chief US District Judge Miranda Du, “who said actions offensive to both sexes cannot be considered sex discrimination.” However, the suit was reinstated by the Ninth US Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco.

In a 3-0 ruling, Judge M. Margaret McKeown said, “Sometimes employees placed the speakers on forklifts and drove around the warehouse, making it more difficult to predict — let alone evade — the music’s reach. In turn, the music allegedly served as a catalyst for abusive conduct by male employees, who frequently pantomimed sexually graphic gestures, yelled obscenities, made sexually explicit remarks, and openly shared pornographic videos.”

McKeown also wrote, “An employer’s status as a purported ‘equal opportunity harasser’ provides no escape hatch for liability.” McKeown also noted harassment “need not be directly targeted at a particular plaintiff in order to pollute a workplace” and continued, “Whether sung, shouted, or whispered, blasted over speakers, or relayed face-to-face, sexist epithets can offend and may transform a workplace into a hostile environment” for women and men.

Over the last five years, Janelle Monáe’s brand as a creative force to be reckoned with hasn’t gone unnoticed. However, after dipping her toes into new experiences like acting and writing, she’s getting back to her musical roots. Much like the Kansas City-bred, ATL-cultivated musician herself, The Age Of Pleasure (which clocks in at just over 32 minutes) is sweet and petite. Yet, despite its length, her fourth studio-album serves as a jam-packed, Pan-African-spanning ode to finding pleasure in everyday moments.

Released June 9, The Age Of Pleasure creates a comforting space for Monáe and her beloved “Fandroids” to live out loud. Crafted in response to the pandemic and influenced by “Everyday People,” a globally-recognized cultural gathering and love letter to the Black community, the project showcases the 37-year-old’s evolution as a “free-ass motherf*cker.” Pleasure’s varied yet succinct production traverses the Black diaspora across 14 songs — Afrobeats, Ampiano, Lover’s Rock reggae, and trap-infused tunes showcase the artist’s creative license to do whatever the hell she feels like doing, in the name of artistic and individual gratification.

Though lyrics were crucial to Pleasure’s predecessor, 2018’s Grammy-nominated Dirty Computer, they don’t demand the spotlight here. Instead, the music — and the communal energy it ultimately stands for — speaks volumes. While outside ears may have felt that Dirty Computer’s content wasn’t “for them” for whatever reason, Pleasure makes it clear that anyone — regardless of gender identity or affirmation — is welcome to toast to life’s delights and concede to the rhythms. (“I want all of us (Black and Brown people, specifically) to have a soundtrack to this lifestyle,” Monáe told Angie Martinez in May.)

But this is not to say that Pleasure is devoid of queer moments, which should not come as a surprise considering the mechanisms of Monáe’s catalog and personal life. (The artist uses she/they pronouns, and identifies as non-binary.) For instance, the “Vivrant Thing”-interpolating “The Rush” featuring Amaarae and Nia Long is a call-out to the “pretty girl” who’s caught her eye. The runway-ready “Haute” nods to gender-fluidity. (“A bitch look pretty, a bitch look handsome,” Monáe says.)

The island-tinged single “Lipstick Lover” celebrates queer Black bodies, and the buzz surrounding its “controversial” music video (which showcases those bodies and much more) ultimately forced the multihyphenate to create a censored version for virgin eyes. Despite the new visual’s slight deviation from full-out freedom, the point still stands firm through Pleasure’s music. Monáe urges listeners to give in to enjoyment of self and with others, whether it’s emotionally or sexually.

This could be through Issa Rae-in-the-mirror-style affirmations (“I’m looking at a thousand versions of myself, and we’re all fine as f*ck,” she states in “Phenomenal,” which features TDE’s Doechii), or through commemorations of personal growth. The album opener “Float” finds the artist applauding her wins over an infectious trap beat created by Nate Wonder and Nana Kwabena, and horns provided by Seun Kuti and his band, Egypt 80. (Pleasure largely feels Fela Kuti-esque through grandiose instrumentation, so the sonic support from the legend’s son feels especially apropos.) And obviously, pleasure can also be found through physical self-exploration. (“If I could f*ck me right here, right now, I would do that,” Monáe admits on the aquatic, autoerotic “Water Slide.”)

But The Age Of Pleasure is best represented through songs illustrating the importance of community — the hallmark of “Everyday People” bashes. Monáe has been open about her past experiences living with a perfectionist complex. Through healing, she’s learning to enjoy the present without edits or filters, and she encourages others to do the same. (“I’m working on the balance of knowing that some things are just beyond your control and you’ve got to be in the moment and roll with the punches,” she said of her journey back in 2018.)

The dropping of this shield is most evident during The Age Of Pleasure’s trifecta of tracks: the CKay-assisted “Know Better” (which samples a hip-hop favorite: “Darkest Light” by the Lafayette Afro Rock Band), the bouncy “Paid In Pleasure,” and “Only Have Eyes 42,” a cheeky nod to polyamory that concludes with a euphoric string outro. This particular trio amplifies the notion of loosened inhibitions, forcing us to surrender to the moment and just have fun soaking up the company of others.

Given the internet discourse surrounding Monáe’s expression of her autonomy after years of donning (and shedding) her iconic tuxedo uniform, the growth of her individual freedom and self-understanding feels affirmed through The Age Of Pleasure. It can be anxiety-provoking to let your guard down, let people in, or to show up completely as yourself, but it can also be liberating to be exactly who you want to be in a world that doesn’t want you to do so.

The album captures what we all aim to experience at the end of the day. In this mid-to-post-pandemic era, it amplifies a new definition of freedom for many. The attacks on Black, Brown, and queer Americans is a daily concern. (A centuries-long one for all, but especially within the last several years.) Considering the constant diversions from the real national issues at hand, art celebrating the euphoria of authentic humanity, even with the threat of Right-winged erasure congregating in the distance, is resistance at its finest.

Throughout history’s most unsavory moments, music has always been there for minorities in particular to feel safe and seen. As someone who has never been a stranger to creating art reflective of The Times, Janelle Monáe’s The Age Of Pleasure maintains the musician’s crusade of using her work to allow any and all “dirty computers” to remember that there is indeed a place for them in the world, and on the dancefloor.

Janelle Monáe is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.