Trump World has not really known how to handle the classified documents case, especially because Trump keeps basically confessing to the crime. When tape surfaced of him outright bragging about hoarding said papers — and admitting that he knows he can no longer declassify them — pals like Sean Hannity twisted themselves into pretzels trying to spin it. Eventually they settled on a not very flattering defense: Trump’s a liar, not a thief. Now, after trying a few other tactics (like all-caps social media posts), he’s adopting that line, too.
In an interview with Semafor aboard his private plane, Trump claimed that the so-called classified documents he kept directly referring to weren’t actually classified documents. They were just papers and he wanted to impress people…about something that’s very, very illegal.
“I would say it was bravado, if you want to know the truth, it was bravado,” Trump claimed. “I was talking and just holding up papers and talking about them, but I had no documents. I didn’t have any documents.”
Instead, he claims, he was trying to show off in front of staffers and the biographers working on a book about his former chief of staff, Mark Meadows.
“I just held up a whole pile of — my desk is loaded up with papers,” he asserted. “I have papers from 25 different things.”
But does Trump have any regrets about how he handled the boxes of classified documents, which he refused to return, thus possibly committing the very same crime that he claimed Hillary Clinton did, leading to the beloved chant “Lock her up!”? (That chant, incidentally, may come back to bite him in the butt.) Of course not.
“No, I have no regrets,” Trump replied. “I didn’t have a classified document. There was no classified document on my desk.”
Trump ended the Semafore interview quickly after they asked if the audio now made public would affect him accepting a possible plea deal — but not before saying the government would fail to prosecute him and making “unverified accusations” about Joe Biden.
“Frankly, that you even ask a question like that’s a disgrace,” he told Semafore. “So let’s end it.”
To recap: The current frontrunner for the Republican presidential ticket is now claiming that he’s a liar — which may itself be a lie. Good job, the Republican Party and its voters, you’re all doing swell.
Just because you enjoy IPAs, this doesn’t mean you always want to crack open a beer with 7.5-10% ABV every time. Sure, there’s a time and place for those epic West Coast bangers and double dry-hopped hazies. There’s also a place for IPAs with slightly lower alcohol by volume, but just as much flavor as many of its higher ABV counterparts.
For the uninitiated, the beer term “session” is used to reference a beer at our below 5% ABV. These beers are also usually lighter in body, not as filling, and oftentimes very crushable. It makes for a great summer beer style. Wouldn’t you rather grab a low-ABV hoppy thirst quencher on a hot summer day than something higher in ABV and generally heavier anyway? We know we would.
To help you out, we’ve listed and ranked eight of the best, reasonably easy-to-find session IPAs available today. They’re all under 5% ABV, but each is still high in flavor and has the hoppy flavor and aroma IPA fans crave. Keep scrolling to see them all.
There are few session IPAs more well-known than Founders All Day IPA. This beer is so popular that it’s opened the door for a slew of different “All Day” beers. In fact, we enjoy its All Day West Coast with its malt backbone and aromatic, flavorful hops.
Tasting Notes:
The nose is classic West Coast IPA, albeit a little muted. Grapefruit and pine are prevalent and not much else. The palate has a little more substance with a sweet malty backbone propped up by more citrus peels and pine. The finish is hoppy, piney, and lightly bitter. Overall, a decent, mildly watery beer.
Bottom Line:
As expected, this session West Coast IPA has all of the flavors IPA fans crave. It’s just a little more muted than some drinkers might be expecting.
With a name like “Slightly Mighty,” you wouldn’t be wrong expecting a big flavor out of this session IPA. But not only is this a session IPA, but it’s also a light beer. It still manages to be hoppy and flavorful with a little extra sweetness from the addition of monk fruit.
Tasting Notes:
The nose is surprisingly fragrant and tropical for a session IPA. There’s a ton of lemongrass, orange peel, and ripe pineapple. Drinking it continues this trend with more tropical fruits, citrus peels, grass, and floral, lightly piney hops. The finish is lightly bitter. Overall, it’s a flavorful beer for the low ABV but more of a crusher than something to take your time with.
Bottom Line:
This is a decently flavorful light beer. It’s highly sessionable, but more of a summer crusher after an afternoon of lawn mowing than anything of substance.
Cigar City Jai Alai is one of the most respected IPAs on the market, but at 7.5% ABV, it’s anything but sessionable. That’s where Cigar City Jai Low comes in. It’s only 4% ABV but is still known for its bready malts, citrus flavors, and bitter hops.
Tasting Notes:
Before your first sip, you’re met with aromas of grassy, herbal, floral hops, sweet, bready malts, and bright pine. Drinking it reveals notes of wet grass, citrus peels, grapefruit zest, herbal, earthy, hops, and bitter pine. For a low-ABV IPA, it’s surprisingly balanced.
Bottom Line:
Sure, it’s low on alcohol. But this session IPA still carries much of the flavor you have grown to love when you crack open a classic Cigar City Jai Alai. It’s just all slightly tempered.
This 4.7% ABV session IPA was crafted to be crushed. Brewed with Chico yeast, Silo malt, Best ale malt, White wheat, and Cara malt as well as Citra, Amarillo, and Hull Melon hops, it does just that. It’s balanced, flavorful, and highly drinkable on a hot day.
Tasting Notes:
The nose is surprisingly light with sweet, bready malts, bright pine, and honeydew melon. There’s a ton of citrus on the palate with tangerine, lemon, and grapefruit making big appearances. There’s also a good deal of sweet malt in the background and lightly bitter, floral, resinous hops at the finish.
Bottom Line:
This beer might be touted as a crusher and it definitely is. It’s also surprisingly well-balanced. It’s the kind of beer you’ll want to keep stocked in your fridge all summer long.
This beer might only be 4% ABV, but don’t let that fool you. It’s juicy, hazy, and loaded with tropical fruit, citrus peel, and fresh hop aroma and flavor. This comes from the liberal use of HBC 586, Citra, and Amarillo hops. On top of that, it’s only 110 calories per 12-ounce can.
Tasting Notes:
Grass, bready malts, lemon zest, orange peel, and dank pine on the nose starts everything off on the right foot. The palate continues this trend with more bready, sweet malts in the background that move into caramelized pineapple, tangerine, grapefruit, and floral, earthy, herbal pine. The finish is a nice mix of sweetness and bitterness.
Bottom Line:
As sessionable hazy IPAs go, this one is well-balanced and filled with tropical fruit and citrus flavors. All with a pleasant finish.
We all know about staycations, but what about a daycation? The folks at Highland Brewing are inviting you to take one when you crack open a can of This flavorful, 4.9% ABV session IPA. Loaded with hop aromas and flavors, it’s brewed with 2-row malt, white wheat, rye, Vienna malt, caramel 20 malt, and flaked oats. It’s hopped with Azacca, Mosaic, and El Dorado hops.
Tasting Notes:
On the nose, you’ll find aromas of candied orange peels, clover honey, ripe grapefruit, mango, sweet malts, and grassy, floral hops. Drinking it brings forth notes of bready malts, lemongrass, honey, tangerine, grapefruit, more tropical fruits, and a nice kick of gently bitter, earthy, pine at the finish.
Bottom Line:
All in all, this is a pretty well-rounded IPA even for a session IPA. It ticks all the IPA boxes without leaning too heavily in any direction.
This award-winning session IPA is known for its tropical and citrus fruits as well as bright pine and nice, sweet malt backbone. This is thanks to the use of California ale yeast, pale malts, Munich malts, Victory malts, C-15 malts, and Carapils malts. It’s brimming with hops including Citra, Mosaic, Chinook, and Sultana.
Tasting Notes:
The nose is herbal, earthy, and lightly spicy with a ton of piney, herbal hop aromas as well as citrus peels, and sweet, caramel malts. The palate has a ton of citrus with grapefruit, lemon peel, and orange zest making up most of the flavor profile. This is followed by sweet, bready malts and a ton of herbal, earthy, resinous pine. The finish is a nice mix of bitter pine and citrus peels.
Bottom Line:
This session IPA manages not only to be overall balanced but is also well balanced between citrus sweetness and hop bitterness.
San Diego is the center of the IPA universe so it should come as no surprise that the best session IPA comes from there. This highly-rated, Great American Beerfest Gold Medal-winning IPA is known for its drinkability, but bold citrus and tropical fruit-forward flavor profile.
Tasting Notes:
Complex aromas of juicy melon, ripe berries, caramelized pineapple, mango, and tangerine make way for bright pine. The palate continues this trend with more tangerine, lemongrass, ripe pineapple, caramel malts, and floral, dank hops. Even with all of this, it manages to be gently bitter and effortlessly easy to drink.
Bottom Line:
If you only drink one session IPA this summer, make it this one. It’s as close to perfection as a low-ABV IPA can get.
Obviously, not all aged spirits are the same. While the use of charred barrels can impart flavors like vanilla, caramel, and oak to any spirit, it’s just a simple fact that whisk(e)y, rum, and tequila taste different from one another. This is because of the ingredients used to distill the spirit before it enters the barrel and various distilling and aging techniques. But just because you’re a fan of one aged spirit, this doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy another.
Specifically, we’re talking about whiskey and tequila.
Granted, there are major differences between whiskey and tequila. Take bourbon for example. This corn-based spirit is matured in charred American oak. It’s most typically know known for its sweet, vanilla, dried fruit, spiced flavors. Tequila on the other hand is known for its earthy, vegetal, agave-sweet, fruity flavor notes. That being said, there are enough similar flavors that there are many tequilas that would still appeal to whiskey drinkers.
The key is knowing how to find them.
“I recommend a reposado or Añejo Tequila,” says Oscar Aranda, restaurant director at Acre Resort in San Jose del Cabo in Mexico. “The notes, aromas, and flavors are smokier, caramelized, woody, and spicy. Don Julio 1942 is a good expression of tequila with characteristics similar to whiskey.”
To find more examples, we went to the professionals who spend their days pouring drinks behind the bar for help. We asked a few well-known bartenders to tell us the best tequilas for whiskey fans. Keep scrolling to see all of their picks.
Tequila Ocho Añejo is my pick. A few words on the tequila: Tequila Ocho’s añejo is one of my favorite recommendations for whiskey drinkers who want to cross over to agave spirits. The añejo is aged for one year in barrels.
Tasting Notes:
It starts pulling subtle notes of butter and caramel that a bourbon drinker might be looking for, while still retaining some peppery spice of the agave, offering the best of both worlds.
The Patrón Extra Añejo tequila is an amazing choice for any whiskey drinkers as it is barreled for an extensive amount of time, and much longer than regular añejos. The longer barreling period gives this bright, dark gold tequila a taste and smell similar to whiskey.
Tasting Notes:
Patrón Extra Añejo includes a light agave, fruit, and honey taste, and also enhances the aromas of vanilla, oak, and woodiness making it akin to whiskey. When smelling it out of the bottle, our resort guests and diners have often assumed it was whiskey, proving the similarity between the two.
Teremana Añejo
Teremana
Resa Mueller, bartender at R&D Philly in Philadelphia
Añejo tequila is a great choice for classic cocktails that typically call for another aged spirit, like whiskey, and works well as a substitute for classically stirred drinks such as an old fashioned. Specifically, I like Teremana Añejo because of its complementary flavors.
Tasting Notes:
I enjoy using Teremana’s Añejo for its rich vanilla, caramel, and oak notes. The attention that Teremana gives to producing their añejo, preserving the integrity of the agave plant by roasting in small batches as well as the time spent aging in whiskey barrels, creates a complex flavor profile that also makes it a great option to sip on the rocks or neat.
I’d pour a whiskey drinker Don Fulano Imperial. Aged five to twelve years, this extra-anejo tequila offers notes of cardamom, cinnamon, Mexican chocolate, and earthiness from the toasted agave.
Tasting Notes:
For a highland tequila, it’s not overpowered by vanilla but has a long, smooth finish rich with caramel. Sweet but not overly so, it’s easy to sip.
Whiskey drinkers are usually on the opposite side of the liquor spectrum than your tequila enthusiasts would be. While that gap might have some difficulty being bridged, a good handful out there build that crossover, and my favorite has to be Tapatio Excelencia Extra Añejo.
Tasting Notes:
With notes of malt, oak, and vanilla on the nose, it follows with undertones of butterscotch, chocolate, and nuttiness on the pull. With those notes and a nicely bodied mouthfeel, this is definitely one to bring you, whiskey friends, over to the agave side.
El Tesoro Extra Añejo
El Tesoro
Tom Muscolino, director of beverage innovation at Landmark Hospitality in Plainfield, New Jersey
El Tesoro Extra Añejo. Aged for five years in ex-bourbon barrels, it is beautifully balanced. It’s a great choice for whiskey fans hoping to get into tequila.
Tasting Notes:
It’s filled with notes of butterscotch, spice, vanilla, caramel, cooked agave, ripe tropical fruit, and oak that isn’t overpowering.
Siete Leguas Añejo is a great Tequila for whiskey fans because it’s aged for eighteen months in charred American oak barrels. This imparts some of the same flavors whiskey fans enjoy.
Tasting Notes:
This is a complex, highly flavorful tequila. It still has the bright agave flavors but with a softness often found in well-crafted bourbons.
Fortaleza Añejo tequila is my pick. Fortaleza is a fantastic tequila maker that keeps to long-used distilling tradition in their recipe. The result is a spirit that still holds notes of earth and molasses.
Tasting Notes:
The añejo will have sat in cedar barrels long enough to impart notes of charred wood and vanilla; flavors that any whiskey fan will be seeking, while also taming the ceiling of this noisy complex agave distillate. My message to the whisky drinkers is to start with the añejo and work your way to the reposado and then the blanco (the wildest in flavor), keeping each of the gorgeous, hand-blown bottles on the way.
El Tesoro Añejo
El Tesoro
Michael Carlisi, beverage director at Barrio in San Francisco
Aged anywhere from one to three years in oak barrels, Añejo offers characteristics similar to whiskey. El Tesoro Añejo is my favorite.
Tasting Notes:
The aging process produces a warm amber color and smooth notes of vanilla, raisins, and honey. The finish is smokey and with a caramel flavor similar to bourbon.
In my opinion, the best tequila for whiskey fans is the Patrón Añejo Sherry Cask Aged. Served on the rocks, neat, or in a classic drink (like an old fashioned or Manhattan), it will change your life.
Tasting Notes:
This is a bold, oaky tequila with two years of Oloroso Sherry cask aging, giving it a well-balanced taste of toasted pecans, caramel, and dry fruit. It almost tastes like a young whiskey or bourbon.
It was a tad slow coming but… We have officially entered summer! Check the weather map, it’s on and popping!
Temperatures are rapidly rising, last-minute vacation plans are being made, and we’re all on the hunt for the best festival gear and swimsuits we can find as we enter into the most laid-back time of the year. And when you’re sitting poolside — or just laying in the grass pretending you’re near a body of water, respect — there is no better way to chill out than with a freshly mixed drink, maybe a J, and your favorite popsicle.
What other time of year are popsicles going to be an essential part of your grocery shopping list? The time is now, and since this is a one-season-a-year type thing, you don’t want to waste your time with one of those garbage popsicles. Trust us, there are a lot of those.
Today, we’re ranking the best popsicles you can find at the grocery store right now to help ensure your freezer is only stocked up with the finest. We’re explicitly looking at popsicles, which means frozen flavored iced, not pre-packaged cones, or ice cream sandwiches. Let’s dive in!
Popsicle Colors are on just about every “Best Popsicle” list on the internet, and I get it, there is a major nostalgia factor with these things. But has anyone actually tasted these recently? Because they’re garbage.
Each flavor just tastes like ice. I almost feel like the colors are there to trick you into thinking these actually have flavors. I’m pretty sure Popsicle brand just made some Kool-Aid and froze it in a mold with a popsicle stick in it.
The Bottom Line
Worst to best: Grape, Orange, Cherry, but really, don’t get these. They’re not nearly as good as you remember.
Oh, trust me, I desperately want these to be good but they just… aren’t. A Fudge Pop should taste like, you know, fudge, and yet these just taste like watered-down ice. Yes, that’s right, watered-down ice. I know what I said!
Seriously though, where is the chocolate? I promise I’m not here to dunk on all of your favorites, I’m just trying to steer you away from the truly bad stuff, and this fits the bill.
The Bottom Line
I know, I know, you loved them but I promise you they don’t taste as good as you remember. Pour yourself a glass of chocolate milk, and then when you’re done drinking that, fill up the cup with water and freeze that. That’ll taste better than these Fudgsicles.
I don’t know what I expected here, the idea of a sour ice pop seemed gross, but I did grow up loving WarHeads so I was intrigued. In terms of being sour, they definitely deliver, they’re not quite as sour as WarHead candy but there is a sharp tart wince-inducing quality to each of these flavors. I just can’t see anyone actually enjoying eating one — it’s more a chore than anything else.
On the bright side, all of the classic Warhead flavors are here — watermelon, blue raspberry, apple, and black cherry, I was only able to get behind the blue raspberry and black cherry, the rest of the flavors will have to live in my freezer until I have a house guest over that I feel like pulling a prank on.
The Bottom Line:
Fun to experience, but ultimately wasteful as they aren’t actually enjoyable from a pure flavor perspective.
I know it’s shocking to see the Bomb Pop ranked so low but trust me when I tell you that these aren’t nearly as good as you remember either (getting tired of that yet?). If you have the full-size single-pop version, buy that in confidence, but this 12-pack mini bar version is a far cry from the sort of Bomb Pop you’d find at a convenience store freezer or in an ice cream truck.
The flavors are massively watered down and the lime section in the middle is practically flavorless.
The Bottom Line
If you can find the large single-bar version with the sour gum on top, get that, those are still good. But if 12 Bomb Pops for $3.74 seems too good to be true, trust that intuition.
Luckily, there is an alternative coming up that will scratch that Bomb Pop itch.
I love an ice pop that doesn’t pretend to be anything that it’s not. No talk of “natural” flavors here, no proclamations about calories or sugar — just 32 super frozen tooth-cracking ice pops flavored with an intense burst of cherry, lime, grape, or raspberry flavors.
I won’t pretend these are the highest quality ice pops you can find, they taste like a bunch of artificial flavors frozen solid. But nothing slaps like one of these on a hot day.
The Bottom Line:
A nonsense-free ice pop. It’s just frozen sugar, sweet and delicious, as it should be.
Whole Foods has a version of these Push-Pop clones (named Pop-Ups) that follow the traditional cherry, grape, and orange flavor rundown, but since we have the OGs on the list and they’re still delicious, we’re going to highlight this alternate set of flavors instead.
This variety pack features lemonades orangeade, and strawberry lemonade flavors. The lemon spike on each flavor gives each a nice tart aftertaste. The weakest of the three flavors is, unfortunately, the orangeade — it just comes across as a bit too zesty for my tastes. Whole Foods had the chance to opt for another flavor here (blueberry lemonade would’ve been amazing) to differentiate this pack from the regular Fruit Pop-Ups, but ultimately this is a minor complaint.
The pops are sweetened with a mix of real fruit puree and concentrate, cane sugar, and corn syrup solids.
The Bottom Line:
A good Push-Pop clone with an alternate set of flavors.
Ahh the classic Push-Up Pop… didn’t these used to be sherbet? I can’t really remember, but I have a distinct memory of the ice cream being a lot softer. While the texture is a bit too plastic-y for my liking, I can’t deny that each flavor is pretty delicious.
The “Outrageous Orange” and “Cherry Blast” are unbeatable!
There is something refreshing and satisfying about these flavors, it’s an itch that Popsicle Colors can’t scratch. One major gripe I have is that the cardboard tube that this pop is housed in sometime transfers its flavor over to the pop. It doesn’t happen all of the time, but it happened enough times through a single box that I felt it was worth mentioning.
The Bottom Line
Plastic texture and a good flavor (when it doesn’t taste like cardboard).
Made with real watermelon juice, fair trade organic agave nectar, and cane sugar, Good Pop is clearly trying to appeal to the Whole Foods crowd and for all its efforts, this is a pretty good ice pop.
But it’s good, not great. Each pop has a strong watermelon-forward flavor but it just doesn’t really deliver on the sweetness. It comes across like an unripened watermelon, all water, no juicy flavor.
Having said that what I love about these pops is just how refreshing they are. They won’t satisfy a sweet tooth but they’re a nice companion to a freshly blended slushy margarita and work as the perfect dipping apparatus.
The Bottom Line:
Not as sweet as you want them to be but refreshing nonetheless.
I’m totally aware that these are going to be a large turn-off for people who don’t like pickles, but you know what? F*ck those people. If you like pickles, you’re going to love these, they’re tangy, sour, and incredibly refreshing.
They have this savory quality that is completely unique to this brand. That said, if you don’t like pickles, this isn’t going to win you over.
The Bottom Line
It’s frozen pickle juice, which tastes way better than you’d imagine but still only appeals to those that love pickles.
I can’t believe this exists, but as soon as I saw that Power Ade “Sports Freezer Bars” (hilarious name) were a thing I had to see if they taste, as I would expect, like frozen Power Ade. And yup, this tastes exactly like someone poured 1/8 of a bottle of Powerade into a plastic tube and froze it.
It has that same slightly salty flavor that Power Ade has and the Mountain Berry Blast and Fruit Punch taste exactly like their bottled counterparts. Each bar is fortified with b vitamins, which will allow you to pretend that these ice bars are somehow good for you. Who doesn’t love that?
The Bottom Line:
Surprisingly good! Power Ade’s Sports Freezer Bars are exactly what you think they are.
Food coloring, ice, and fruit flavor, how could you go wrong? I love Otter Pops, and I say that completely without shame. While it’s true that two of these flavors are duds (looking at you Alexander the Grape and Sir Issac Lime), the other flavors are unique and delicious. Unlike Bolis, the ice here isn’t quite as dense — it’s a lot more airy and easy to chew threw. That results in a better-tasting pop that puts more emphasis on the fruity flavors, but one that doesn’t last as long.
Highlights include Strawberry Short Kook, a strangely delicate strawberry-flavored ice unlike anything on the market, Louie Bloom Raspberry (it tastes blue!), and the great Little Orphan Orange. Otter Pops also get an award for having the weirdest, most out-of-touch flavor names in the entire ice pop world.
The Bottom Line
My favorite flavors go — Little Orphan Orange, Louie Bloo Raspberry, Poncho Punch, Strawberry Short Kook, Sir Issac Lime, and Alexander The Grape.
9. Annie’s Organic Fruit Juice Pops — Cheerful Cherry
I know it’s easy to wince at Annie’s ice pops because of words like “organic” and “no high fructose corn syrup” and “no flavors, colors, or preservatives from artificial source.” It’s like, “Who are you trying to impress Annie? We’re eating ice pops, we know what we signed up for.”
And yet… I can’t hate these. They’re too delicious.
The cherry flavor here is strong and prominent, with a real noticeable richness that makes each pop worth savoring. I only wish Annie made the orange, grape, and cherry variety pack, but until then, this is our recommended flavor.
Intensely sweet and easy to chew through, Fla-Vor-Ice offers a lot of the same experience as Otter Pops, only instead of weird flavors named after imaginary orphans, you get a more varied range of flavors and a bar of ice that is four times as thick.
Your flavor options include lemon-lime, orange, berry punch, strawberry, tropical punch, and grape. To be honest, eating the ice through the plastic sleeve is kind of a chore, so your best move is to ditch the sleeve, put the ice in a bowl, and break it up with your spoon until it’s a slush and you have an experience akin to a snow cone.
The Bottom Line
Put it in a bowl and you have an instant snowcone. The only downside with Fla-Vor-Ice is that there is a high chance a few of these flavors aren’t going to be your favorites, and with 100 pops per box you might end up with 20 or so that’ll live in your freezer forever.
As good as Annie’s was at capturing that classic cherry popsicle flavor, Outshine, forgive me, outshines the brand with this three-pack. I was a bit salty that Outshine replaced the classic orange flavor with tangerine in this three-pack, but considering how delicious it is it’s justified.
The tangerine flavor manages to be the highlight, it’s tangy and sweet with an intense flavor that is a true joy to suck on. The cherry and grape are also delicious but come across as a bit flat in comparison.
The Bottom Line
If you’re looking for that classic popsicle flavor trio, this is hands-down your best choice.
I’m not the biggest fan of strawberry-flavored sweets — I generally think the flavors are a far cry from their real-world counterparts. But Whole Foods’ 365 Strawberry Fruit bar actually tastes like a big bar of frozen strawberries. That probably comes down to the fact that the first ingredient in these frozen bars is actual strawberries, and then water, and cane sugar. It has so few ingredients, that I was actually shocked when I looked at the box.
Don’t celebrate too soon though, because this isn’t some healthy natural snack, at 28 grams of sugar these bars have more sugar in them than most of the ice pops on this list. It is a bit more “real” than the other bars on this list though — with bits of actual strawberries embedded in each bar and a flavor that strikes a nice balance between sweet and sour notes.
The Bottom Line
Sweet, natural, and refreshing, but if you’re trying to stay away from sugar be warned — these have a lot, as much as about half a can of strawberry soda.
5. Whole Foods 365 Everyday Value — Caribbean Mix Fruit Bars
Whole Foods Caribbean Mix Fruit Bars are neck and neck with the Strawberry flavor but I have to give it to this pack for the variety factor. The main ingredient is still actual strawberries, but this one is also mixed with pineapple, mango, passion fruit juice concentrate, and has coconut flakes embedded into each bar giving it an interesting texture.
It’s so good I’ve had thoughts about melting it down and drinking it.
The Bottom Line
Delicious, fruity, and refreshing. One of the best fruit bars on the market.
This isn’t quite as it seems, if you’re thinking it’s a classic Creamsicle or 50/50 bar, you’re wrong. Instead, this is a mix of orange and coconut cream, not quite as sweet as the classic 50/50 bar, but just as delicious and a whole lot more nutty.
This dairy-free treat mixes coconut cream sweetened with a hint of vanilla with a bright orange-juice-like flavor that is sweeter than it is tart.
The Bottom Line
It’s a subtle spin on the classic creamsicle with coconut instead of a fake sub-par vanilla ice cream (don’t buy an actual creamsicle, they are worse than you remember).
It pains me to say this but Chloe’s Raspberry Pops are essential. While they’re double the price of your typical ice pop brand, and you only get four pops per box, they’re made simply with Raspberry puree, water, and cane sugar. Just three ingredients, and dammit does it make a difference.
These things taste so damn good, the raspberry flavor is bright and tart, and the bar itself is sweet from the surface of the pop to the stick.
The Bottom Line:
One of the most natural ice pops on the market, it’s expensive and you only get four pops per box, but it’s worth it. Only one flavor truly beats this one out.
I know, I know, it’s not the original, but you know what? F*ck the original. We’re not here for nostalgia, we’re here for delicious ice cream and the Out Of This World Ice Pop is a significant improvement over the OG Bomb Pop. The pop is dense, Italian ice style, with a more intense set of cherry, blueberry, and lemon flavors.
The lemon at the bottom is downright tart, and it makes getting to the end of the ice pop a fun and delicious journey. The transition process between flavors is also a bit smoother than the OG, as hints of the preceding flavor are in the core of the bottom two layers.
The Bottom Line:
I know the shape is weird but these are better than the original in every way.
Every market has a version of these ice pops, they’re almost always in a plastic bag at the bottom of the freezer section and are significantly longer than the boxed popsicles. Also known as a “Big Stick” by Popsicle brand (which for whatever reason isn’t sold anymore) this blend of cherry and pineapple flavors is unbeatable.
Is it natural? Not at all. It’s water, sugar, and high fructose corn syrup, but pineapple and cherry are an unbeatable flavor mix. It’s tart, sweet, rich, tangy, and exudes summertime vibes better than any other ice pop on the market.
The Bottom Line:
Sweet, tangy, and refreshing. You may see it under the name “Big Stick,” “Mighty Pop” or something else, but trust us — if it’s cherry and pineapple, it’s going to be good.
I’m conducting a double-blind taste test of American single malt whiskeys below. My wife was kind enough to set this one up for me by randomly grabbing American single malt whiskeys off my shelf. She seemingly grabbed the bottles at the front since most of her picks are pretty new bottles with a couple of modern classics thrown in.
Here’s the lineup for today:
Colkegan Unsmoked American Single Malt Whiskey
Old Line American Single Malt Whiskey Double Oak Series Sherry Cask
Balcones Texas Single Malt Whisky
Stranahan’s Blue Peak Single Malt Whiskey
Clermont Steep American Single Malt Whiskey
Brother Justus American Single Malt Whiskey
Lost Lantern Single Distillery Series Gentle Giant Balcones Distilling Texas Single Malt
Hinterhaus Distilling American Single Malt Whiskey Discovery
Since this was double-blind, I simply ranked each pour by how tasty it was. It’s that easy so let’s dive right in!
Also Read: The Top 5 UPROXX American Single Malt Whiskey Posts Of The Last Six Months
Nose: The nose opens with velvety fruit (think apples, grapes, peaches) next to a hint of spicy woody warmth cut with brown sugar and cinnamon butter with a hint of nuttiness.
Palate: That nuttiness gets creamy on the palate as cinnamon toast and leathery dried apricots lead to a try nutshell and spice bark vibe with a hint of vanilla wafer.
Finish: The finish is lush and dry with a toffee and butterscotch creaminess cut with plenty of dry winter spice and orchard barks.
Initial Thoughts:
This was really nice overall. It tasted like a classic malt whiskey.
Taste 2
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Nose: Caramel jumps out on the nose with a touch of salt and burnt toffee next to soft brown sugar, old leather, and prunes with a whisper of spiced tobacco.
Palate: The palate is very plummy with plenty of buttery brown sugar and cinnamon clumps (like fancy restaurant butter balls) next to a hint of almond and rum-raisin.
Finish: The end leans toward the almond shells with a touch of vanilla tobacco wrapped up in old leather and cedar bark.
Initial Thoughts:
Wow. This is super luscious with great depth. I like this one a lot.
Taste 3
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Nose: There’s a good dose of pecan waffles, maple, and sharp sarsaparilla on the nose with a deep earthiness that’s part grain silo and part high desert scrub brush.
Palate: The palate is creamy and hits on some serious warmth as pear candy mixes with fresh ginger and a pile of pecan shells next to a hint of floral Earl Grey and more of that high desert dry florae vibe.
Finish: The finish leans into the dryness of nutshells and black tea while hinting at the maple and sarsaparilla from the nose.
Initial Thoughts:
This is dry and wildly different. I’m guessing this is something from Texas in that case. And it’s pretty good but very different.
Taste 4
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Nose: Marmalade and dried apricot on toast with plenty of butter is the dominant note on the nose with a hint of winter spice.
Palate: Butterscotch and Cinnamon Toast Crunch drive the palate toward stewed apple with a nice hint of dry spice that leans toward red chili pepper.
Finish: The leathery apricot kicks back in with that sharp chili pepper spice before softer notes of vanilla oil and cinnamon sugar syrup soften the landing.
Initial Thoughts:
This is fine. It’s a little thin and sweet at the end.
Taste 5
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Nose: The nose opens with a toasted caramel maltiness that’s super grainy with salted toffee syrup and a nice dollop of butter with a hint of chocolate-covered caramels in the background.
Palate: The palate is light with a Kentucky winter spice bark vibe next to a bowl of Cream of Wheat with a hint of honey and nasturtium as a counterbalance.
Finish: The end really leans into the Kentucky wood spice with a hint of pear orchards and soft chewing tobacco just kissed with chili pepper spice.
Initial Thoughts:
This felt completely different too. It’s extremely grain-forward on the nose almost to the point of anchovy umami. It’s wildly different.
Taste 6
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Nose: The nose opens with a fruit candy vibe that’s part Apple Jolly Rancher and part orange wedge with a note of winter spice.
Palate: Caramelized malts and vanilla pods drive the soft palate toward a hint of smudging sage and old oak staves.
Finish: The end circles back around to the orchard fruit candy sweetness with a dash of cinnamon and vanilla over caramel maltiness.
Initial Thoughts:
This is perfectly fine.
Taste 7
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Nose: This opens with Granny Smith apple skins over winter spice barks dipped in floral honey and dried next to orange wheels and Graham Crackers.
Palate: The orchard-iness drives the palate with a sense of soft salted toffee cut with vanilla oils and dipped in dark chocolate orange sauce and wrapped in damp black tea leaves.
Finish: Orchard woods and soft malts round out the finish with a hint of honeyed toffee and spiced apple fritter.
Initial Thoughts:
This is delicious.
Taste 8
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Nose: Soft caramelized malts lead on the nose with layers of rich toffee, sharp winter spices, fresh mint, and berry cobbler.
Palate: The toffee gets a little salt on the palate as rich vanilla and pear pudding move the taste back toward sharp winter spice that is so cinnamon-heavy that it starts to feel like Red Hots.
Finish: That sharp yet sweet hot cinnamon is countered by vanilla malt and salted caramel over apple pie filling cut with cranberry.
Initial Thoughts:
This is pretty good overall. I don’t know what it is but it’s a nice malt whisky experience.
Part 2 — The American Single Malt Ranking
Zach Johnston
8. Clermont Steep American Single Malt Whiskey — Taste 5
This new release from James B. Beam in Clermont, Kentucky is Jim Beam’s foray into the world of American single malt whiskey. The juice was crafted from 100% American malted barley and fermented with Beam’s proprietary yeast strain. That whiskey was left for five years to mellow in toasted barrels that were barely charred. The final product was batched and proofed down before bottling.
Bottom Line:
This was so grain-forward that I think a little bit of the nuance gets lost. There’s a lot going on that works, don’t get me wrong, I’m just not 100% that it’s all there yet.
7. Stranahan’s Blue Peak Single Malt Whiskey — Taste 4
This Colorado malt whiskey is made with Stranahan’s classic double distilling high up in the Rockies. The whiskey is aged in new American oak for four years before being solera batched — that means the whiskey goes into a vat that is never emptied.
Bottom Line:
This was fine but the thinnest single malt sip today. It feels like it’d be fine in highballs or citrus-heavy cocktails.
6. Brother Justus American Single Malt Whiskey — Taste 6
This Minnesota whiskey is a grain-to-glass bottle. The mash is made with malted barley grown and malted in Minnesota. That mash is then pot distilled and rested in oak for a year before batching and bottling.
Bottom Line:
This has some nice nuance but simply needs a year or two more to really start to pop. It’d be fine for highballs.
This whisky is made with a lot of care. The juice is 100% malted barley imported from Scotland, specifically Scottish Golden Promise Malted Barley. The spirit then ages in a combination of barrels ranging from new and used American, French, and Hungarian oak. After a few years under the hot Waco sun, the barrels are vatted and bottled with no fussing besides a touch of local water.
Bottom Line:
This is wildly bolder and earthier than any other pour. That said, I really have to be in the right mood to reach for this one. Still, this rocks over some ice where it opens up toward creamy butter goodness with a nutty edge and leaves some of the danker earthiness behind.
4. Colkegan Unsmoked American Single Malt Whiskey — Taste 1
Colkegan
ABV: 46%
Average Price: $69
The Whiskey:
This high desert whiskey is usually a bold peated malt. This version is the unpeated expression that was made as an experiment over four years ago. The unpeated whiskey was left in the back corner of a warehouse in new American oak and used bourbon barrels. Once those barrels hit the right mark, they were vatted and bottled with a hint of proofing water.
Bottom Line:
This is pretty nice overall. It’s probably the most middle-of-the-road pour. I mean that in a good way. You know what you’re getting with this pour of whiskey — a good standard American single malt whiskey.
3. Hinterhaus Distilling American Single Malt Whiskey Discovery — Taste 8
This Sierra Nevada, California, distillery is all about local. They use local mountain water to ferment their local malt. The blend in this expression is 69% from a first fill ex-American single malt barrel and 31% from a heavy toast and medium char new American oak barrel. Both were aged at least 18 months before batching, proofing, and bottling.
Bottom Line:
This was really nice. It’s classic American single malt whiskey and feels like it through and through. I can see sipping or mixing this pretty easily.
2. Old Line American Single Malt Whiskey Double Oak Series Sherry Cask — Taste 2
This Baltimore whiskey is made with 100% malted barley — Premium 2 Row Malt and Deep Roast Malt — before going into new American oak for exactly “3.6 years” (their metric). Once those barrels hit that sweet spot, they’re vatted and then re-barreled into ex-Olorosso sherry casks for a final ten-month rest.
Bottom Line:
This is lush and delicious. It didn’t quite have the same depth as the next entry but it’s very, very good whiskey. Drink it however you like to enjoy your whiskey.
1. Lost Lantern Single Distillery Series Gentle Giant Balcones Distilling Texas Single Malt — Taste 7
This rare blend from Balcones via Lost Lantern is a batch of five-and-a-half super rare casks. The batch is made from single malts aged in a four-year-old double cask apple brandy cask, a three-year-old large European cask that dried outside for three years, another one of those casks but just a little older, a four-year-old ex-bourbon cask, and a half-full European oak cask that was exactly three years and 56 days old when it was dumped. All of that whisky was vatted and bottled as-is.
Bottom Line:
This is excellent American single malt whiskey. It’s so nuanced and deep while still feeling welcoming. Overall, this is a great sipper to have around.
Part 3 — Final Thoughts on the American Single Malt Whiskey
Zach Johnston
I’d argue the top four entries are all worth checking out — or at least that’s where I’d focus my energy on this list. The top two are standouts, but all four of those bottles are worthy.
That all said, Gentle Giant and Old Line are both excellent and the real winners of this double-blind tasting. They’re deep, nuanced, and very easygoing sips of whiskey. They deliver in every way.
Doja Cat is back. Her new single, “Attention,” is out, and she just announced The Scarlet Tour. The musician is still rocking the short hair look, which first came about when she shaved her head in August of 2022.
On an Instagram Live debuting the haircut that month, she explained, “I don’t like having hair. I’ve never liked having hair. I cannot tell you one time, since the beginning of my life, that I’ve ever been like, ‘This is cool.’ I just do not like to have hair.”
She added, “I just can’t believe that it took me this long to be like, ‘Shave your f*cking head.’ Because first of all, I don’t wear my hair out. You guys have seen me wear my natural hair out… I had like two eras. I had like two eras where my hair would be out. I would straighten it. There was a moment where it was natural and then I don’t even wear it natural ’cause I don’t feel like it, and then… it’s just a f*ckin’ nightmare, dude. I’m over it. I’m gonna… I’m really liking this. What is the use of having hair if you’re not gonna f*ckin’ wear it out? I don’t even sport it.”
Ron DeSantis likes to cosplay as a tough guy. That’s why he’s spent the last year and change going after the biggest employer in his state because they don’t hate LGBTQIA+ people. He hasn’t done the same to the presidential rival who keeps dragging him (but won’t use the funniest mean/dumb nickname). In fact, DeSantis is such a man that he’ll even dodge a question posed by a teenager.
Gov. Ron DeSantis (R-FL), when asked if Donald Trump violated the peaceful transfer of power on January 6th:
“I wasn’t anywhere near Washington that day. I have nothing to do with what happened that day. Obviously, I didn’t enjoy seeing what happened.” pic.twitter.com/386NGQ87qk
As per Mediaite, DeSantis was campaigning in New Hampshire — where he’s already enraging some voters — where he fielded a question from a young man concerned about what Donald Trump did on Jan. 6 (and before). “Do you believe that Trump violated the peaceful transfer of power – a key principle of American democracy that we must uphold?” the kid asked.
DeSantis tried to stall responding, asking the young man where he goes to high school. Once he learned he’s actually from Vermont, the Florida governor finally got to around to his brave non-response.
“So, here’s what I know. If this election is about Biden’s failures and our vision for the future, we are going to win. If it’s about are re-litigating things that happen two, three years ago, we’re gonna lose,” DeSantis said about that time the guy who calls him dumb names tried to overturn democracy.
He then did shifted the response to himself. “I can tell you this. I can point you to Tallahassee, Florida on, I believe, January 5, 2023,” he continued. “We had a transition of power from my first administration to my second ’cause I won reelection in a historic fashion. And at the end of the day, you know, we need to win and we need to get this done.”
In other words, DeSantis is humblebragging about his own peaceful transition of power: when he won re-election and didn’t to transfer power.
Finally, he got to Trump’s antics on Jan. 6, 2021. “So, I wasn’t anywhere near Washington that day. I have nothing to do with what happened that day,” he said. “Obviously, I didn’t enjoy seeing, you know, what happened. But we gotta go forward on this stuff. We cannot be looking backwards and be mired in the past.”
Since inking a five-year, $180 million contract four summers ago, Tobias Harris has been under constant scrutiny among Philadelphia 76ers fans. He’s a good and impactful player, but draws the ire of folks for yearly playoff struggles, aversion to catch-and-shoot threes, and a lucrative contract that rivals All-Stars as someone yet to make an All-Star game through four seasons of this deal.
That final point is by no means his fault. Philadelphia offered him a gigantic deal and he accepted it, as anyone likely would. But it is nonetheless a factor in the criticism surrounding his game and persistent calls for the Sixers front office to part ways with him, in addition to his wonky offensive fit alongside the likes of Joel Embiid and James Harden. Harris spoke with a slew of media members at a Fanatics camp for underserved Philadelphia area kids on Tuesday and addressed how some Sixers supporters feel about him.
“Casual Sixers fans, they’ll trade me for a Crumbl Cookie,” Harris said. “But at the end of the day, they have to realize that you’re not getting a 6’9 forward back who can damn near shoot 40 percent from 3, guard the other team’s best player, shoot, post up, drive and play 70-plus games a year.”
“Casual Sixers fans, they’ll trade me for a Crumbl Cookie.”
I am not here to offer judgment on Harris’ comments, though I will say Crumbl Cookies are really, really freaking good. My sweet tooth perked up after reading his quote, so thank you for that, Tobias. It’s time for me to go find some cookies.
Ah, the vanilla shake! The foundation upon which all other milkshakes are built. Long synonymous with words like “basic,” “plain,” and “boring,” we think vanilla gets a bit too much flack.
If you line up all the common shake flavors together — chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, and hell, let’s throw Oreo in there — sure, vanilla cosmetically looks like the absence of flavor. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Vanilla is delicious. It’s delicate, floral, sweet, and creamy. If that doesn’t sound good to you, I don’t know what to tell you aside from informing you that your tastebuds might be broken.
Okay, fine — we’ll admit that it’s not as exciting as the other milkshake flavors. But on a hot day, while temperatures are scorching, nothing is more refreshing than a cold vanilla shake.
So who makes the best vanilla shake in fast food? It’s a question we’ve been asking ourselves since we last blind taste tested chocolate shakes. And today, we’re ready to answer it!
Also Read: The Top 5 UPROXX Food Rankings From The Last Month
As we found out in our last blind milkshake taste test, blind tasting shakes is a huge challenge — especially as the weather gets warmer. I needed to be able to scoop up five milkshakes in a relatively short amount of time (meaning the fast food restaurants chosen needed to be in close proximity) and make sure none of them melted. The good news is that’s doable with the help of a small cooler and the same route I sketched out for our chocolate milkshake blind taste test.
The idea was to pick up vanilla milkshakes from Chick-fil-A, Dave’s Hot Chicken, Five Guys, In-N-Out, and Shake Shack, five fast food restaurants that all make fantastic milkshakes. And then as I pulled up to the Dave’s Hot Chicken drive-thru I heard the seven worst words you can ever hear from a drive-thru speaker “I’m sorry, our milkshake machine is broken.” Because I was working on a time crunch with perishable products, there was no time to improvise, so instead of a five-milkshake taste test as we did in our chocolate taste test, we’re going with just the four. Considering Dave’s didn’t even make the top three last time around, it doesn’t seem like that much of a loss (with that said, my editor tried it and called me twice to call it the best vanilla shake in all of fast food so… we might eventually have to run this back.)
Once the fourth milkshake was acquired, I hit a nearby parking lot, put on a blindfold, and had my girlfriend pass me milkshakes at random. I tasted each, recorded a few voice notes on my phone, and then ranked them. All photos were taken after the initial tasting, so if they look a little brutal.. well, that’s what SoCal weather will do to a milkshake.
Part 1: The Milkshake Tasting
Taste 1:
Dane Rivera
“Holy shit!” Those are actually the words that came out of my mouth when I first sipped this. There is a rich luxuriousness here that I don’t think you’d normally associate with a vanilla milkshake. It’s deep and complex, starting with an initial creamy sweetness that slowly morphs into fragrant and floral territory that is an absolute treat for the taste buds.
After that floral sensation, the shake finishes with a bold-rich aftertaste that sits on the tongue in a pleasant way and begs for another sip. I won’t lie, when I tasted this thing I followed it up with two large brain-freeze-inducing sips. I didn’t want to move on from this one. If you’re wondering what’s up with those rainbow sprinkles, I learned later that Shake Shack was doing rainbow sprinkles for Pride Month.
They had no influence on the flavor whatsoever.
Taste 2:
Dane Rivera
This is undeniably Chick-fil-A. Ice Dream — which is what Chick-fil-A calls its vanilla soft serve ice cream, the base for this milkshake — has a distinct flavor that is easy to pick out. I don’t think that’s a bad thing, it gives this milkshake a lot of character.
The flavor here is creamy and delicate, with a strange lingering aftertaste that I don’t really enjoy. It’s worth enduring that aftertaste for the base flavor though.
Taste 3:
Dane Rivera
Objectively bad. This milkshake tastes like straight-up frozen milk. It almost has a stomach-churning quality to it. Not a fan.
Taste 4:
Dane Rivera
Another vanilla milkshake that manages to come across as deep and rich. There is something worth savoring here, it’s incredibly enjoyable to let the milkshake sit and melt on the tongue. It’s creamy, easily the thickest of the four milkshakes, but lacks the complexity of Taste 1.
Part 2: The Milkshake Ranking
4. In-N-Out — Vanilla Milkshake (Taste 3)
Dane Rivera
I was shocked In-N-Out came in dead last for me. I love In-N-Out’s chocolate and strawberry shake, I’ve definitely ordered the three-flavor Neapolitan, and on certain days I even order the Root Beer float, which is made with this very flavor of milkshake. But it was hands down the least delicious of the four.
If anything, “least delicious” is being generous. I did not like this milkshake, not even a little bit.
The Bottom Line:
Vanilla has a bad reputation as a milkshake flavor because of milkshakes like this. Unimaginative, flat in flavor and character, and just too milky to be good.
Chick-fil-A has texture down. This milkshake is perfect in that regard, it’s thick and luxurious, but airy enough to be easy to drink through a straw. But Chick-fil-A’s vanilla is just too plain. Not only is it the brand’s weakest flavor (in a world where you can get a chocolate peach milkshake, why would you order this?), but in comparison to the other vanilla milkshakes out there, it just tastes too neutral.
Its biggest issue is it tastes like a base to be built upon, rather than a standalone flavor.
The Bottom Line:
It’s fine. Good, not great. The texture is on point but the flavor leaves a lot to be desired.
Here is the thing about Five Guys’ vanilla milkshake. It’s delicious, creamy, rich, flavorful, the kind of milkshake you want to let melt in your mouth and bathe your palate. Having said that — I think you shouldn’t order it. Look, the thing with Five Guys is, it’s a customizable menu, that includes the milkshake.
You can order a chocolate milkshake, with bananas, strawberries, Oreo cookies, and peanut butter in it! Hell go crazy and add bacon into the mix too! And after all that, it’ll cost the exact same price as this vanilla milkshake.
That begs the question, why would you ever order vanilla here? While this is delicious, it wasn’t the best we tasted today, and as good as it is, even ranking it second somehow feels wrong.
The Bottom Line:
I think vanilla is a perfectly valid milkshake flavor, just not at Five Guys. Go crazy, add whatever you want into that milkshake. If you insist on having plain vanilla, it’ll taste good, but you’ll be spending over $6 for it, and it won’t feel worth it.
Malted wins again! In terms of consistency, Shake Shack loses to both Chick-fil-A and Five Guys — I wouldn’t describe this milkshake as thick — but the flavor is unbeatable. Being able to order this thing malted makes it taste so much deeper and richer than the competition.
Imagine the best representation of vanilla you’ve ever tasted, and then elevate that and you’ll have the Shake Shack Malted Vanilla Milkshake. This was a clear winner for me it wasn’t even close, and you know what? I think it’s well deserved.
Shake Shack is the only fast food restaurant that we tasted from that actually has “shake” in the name, and with the way this thing tastes, it feels justified that the brand would choose to elevate its milkshakes above even the unbeatable burgers. It’s not called “Burger Shack,” after all!
The Bottom Line:
It’s malted, the only way milkshakes ever should be. There is a depth of character here that makes the case for why vanilla is a staple flavor in the first place. For those who think vanilla is boring, drink a malted vanilla shake from Shake Shack and see if you still feel the same way after gulping the thing down!
Is there a “smoothest” bourbon? Is that a thing? These are murky waters to tread, in part because people like spirits that taste good, and “smoothness” helps the good parts of an aged spirit shine a little brighter. But smoothness as an adjective for bourbon is often unclear. A thin bourbon with a super low proof would certainly go down easily, but is that smooth?
To help parse some of this, I’m blind tasting 10 “smooth” bourbons to see which is the smoothest in the land. Before I dive in, let’s erect some guardrails. “Smooth” means “free from projections or unevenness of surface; not rough” in the ol’ dictionary. There are a lot of synonyms for “smooth” as well: Creamy, fluid, gentle, glossy, polished, silky, sleek, and velvety pop out in the ol’ thesaurus. So do flat, mild, and soft. Because of that latter bit, people often scoff away at “smooth” as a whiskey descriptor because they think it means thin or mild or without any depth. That’s not what we’re seeking today.
Instead, I’m using “smooth” as something that’s A) “not rough,” B) “creamy, silky, velvety, and sleek,” and C) does have depth … that you can access because of A and B. Real smoothness is balanced, you know, like the definition “free from … unevenness.”
For this blind taste test, I grabbed bottles that I would recommend if someone asked me for a “smooth bourbon.” I did keep it pretty narrow though. I’m not putting in any ringers. This is straight bourbon from Kentucky that’s all well-aged, not overly proofed, none of them are wheated, and there is no special barrel finishing. Here’s the lineup:
Woodford Reserve Double Oak Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey
Russell’s Reserve Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey 10 Years Old
Evan Williams Single Barrel Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey
Henry Mckenna 10-Year-Old Single Barrel Bottled-In-Bond Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey
Eagle Rare Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey Aged 10 Years
Michter’s Single Barrel Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey 10 Years Old
Knob Creek Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey 12 Years Old
E. H. Taylor, Jr. Single Barrel Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey Bottled In Bond
Kirkland Signature Single Barrel By Barton 1792 Master Distillers Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey
My wife was kind enough to shuffle and pour these whiskeys for me. Then I blindly tasted away and started ranking — with an eye on overall “smoothness” with real depth alongside deliciousness being the goal. Sound good? Let’s dive in!
Also Read: The Top 5 UPROXX Bourbon Posts Of The Last Six Months
Nose: There’s a welcoming aroma of marzipan, blackberry, toffee, and fresh honey next to a real sense of pitchy, dry firewood.
Palate: The taste drills down on those notes as the sweet marzipan becomes more choco-hazelnut, the berries become increasingly dried and apple-y, the toffee becomes almost burnt, and the wood softens to a cedar bark.
Finish: A rich spicy and chewy tobacco arrives late as the vanilla gets super creamy and the fruit and honey combine on the slow fade.
Initial Thoughts:
This is very smooth whiskey. It’s also really tasty. This is a contender!
Taste 2
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Nose: This is just a straight-up classic with depth on the nose leading to rich vanilla, salted caramel, sour cherry, wintry spices, and a touch of old oak.
Palate: The palate opens with orange-oil-infused marzipan covered in dark chocolate next to bolder holiday spices, moist spiced cake, and a very distant whisper of barrel smoke.
Finish: The end has a mix of orange, vanilla, chocolate, and sharp spice leading to an old leather pouch full of sticky maple syrup tobacco.
Initial Thoughts:
That sharp spice and leather on the end add a little roughness. It’s not bad by any stretch. It’s just not as creamy as the last pour.
Taste 3
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Nose: This has a really nice nose full of woody cherry and salted caramel with a tart apple edge and a soft leatheriness.
Palate: The palate feels and tastes “classic” with notes of wintry spices (eggnog especially) with a lush creaminess supported by soft vanilla, a hint of orange zest, and plenty of spicy cherry tobacco.
Finish: The end is supple with a hint of tart apple tobacco with a light caramel candy finish.
Initial Thoughts:
This is a tad woody with a hard candy vibe. I don’t really consider “hard candy” a “smooth” descriptor.
Taste 4
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Nose: The nose opens slightly tannic with rich orange zest and vanilla cream next to woody winter spice, fresh mint, and wet cedar with a hint of gingerbread and burnt cherry.
Palate: The palate hits on soft vanilla white cake with a salted caramel drizzle and burnt orange zest vibe next to apple/pear tobacco leaves dipped in toffee and almond.
Finish: The end has a sour cherry sensation that leads to wintery woody spices, cedar bark, and old cellar beams with a lush vanilla pod and cherry stem finish.
Initial Thoughts:
This was woody and earthy, which didn’t scream “smooth” to me at all. It was tasty and funky though, which I dig.
Taste 5
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Nose: Old leather boots, orange pudding, oily sage, old oak staves, and rich buttery toffee pop on the nose with a sense of mulled wine spices and soft plum pudding.
Palate: Marzipan covered in dark chocolate opens the palate as floral honey and ripe cherry lead to a winter cake vibe full of raisins, dark spices, and toffee sauce.
Finish: The end has a balance of all things winter treats as the marzipan returns and the winter spice amp up alongside a hint of spicy cherry tobacco and old cedar.
Initial Thoughts:
This is smooth AF. The moist marzipan, creamy toffee, and winter puddings create a very velvety experience. It’s also pretty goddamn tasty.
Taste 6
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Nose: There’s a peppery sense of cedar bark and burnt orange next to salted caramel and tart red berries with a moist and spicy sticky toffee pudding with some brandy butter dancing on the nose.
Palate: The palate blends vanilla tobacco with salted dark chocolate-covered marzipan while espresso cream leads to new porch wicker and black peppercorns.
Finish: The end has a pecan waffle vibe with chocolate chips, maple syrup, blackberry jam, and minced meat pies next to old tobacco and cedar with a sweet yet toasted marshmallow on the very end.
Initial Thoughts:
This was insanely deep and delicious but I’d call it more sharp than smooth.
Taste 7
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Nose: There’s a lot going on with butter and spicy stewed apples, kindling, Christmas cakes full of nuts and dried fruit, and a hint of savory herbs all pinging through your nose.
Palate: The palate brings about soft vanilla with plenty of butter toffee, sourdough crust, more winter spice, cedar bark, and a hint of dried roses.
Finish: The finish is short and hits on the barkier aspects of the woody spice and vanilla with a hint of sharp orange zest and old oak.
Initial Thoughts:
This is on the thinner side by the end and is more woody than smooth.
Taste 8
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Nose: This opens with clear notes of dark rum-soaked cherry, bitter yet creamy dark chocolate, winter spices, a twinge of a sourdough sugar doughnut, and a hint of menthol.
Palate: The palate leans into a red berry crumble — brown sugar, butter, and spice — with a hint of dried chili flake, salted caramels covered in dark chocolate, and a spicy/sweet note that leads toward a wet cattail stem and soft brandied cherries dipped in silky dark chocolate sauce.
Finish: The very end holds onto that sweetness and layers in a final note of pecan shells and maple candy.
Initial Thoughts:
This is beautifully deep, darkly fruity, and spicy while offering a truly silky sipping experience. This is some smooth whiskey.
Taste 9
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Nose: Dried dark fruits and a hint of vanilla wafers mingle with fig fruit leather, a touch of orchard wood, and a deep caramel on the nose.
Palate: The palate holds onto those notes while layering in dark berry tobacco with sharp winter spices, new leather, and a singed cotton candy next to a cedar box filled with that tobacco.
Finish: The finish lingers on your senses for a while and leaves the spice behind for that dark, almost savory fruit note with an echo of blackberry Hostess pies next to soft leather pouches that have held chewy tobacco for decades and a final hint of old porch wicker in the middle of summer.
Initial Thoughts:
This has the most depth by far and is insanely velvety. It’s luscious, engaging, and darkly enticing.
Taste 10
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Nose: This is a deep nose with salted caramel cut with dried red chili flakes, Mounds bar, sour mulled wine full of star anise, clove, and allspice, and creamy malted vanilla ice cream cut with candies cherry and tobacco crumbles.
Palate: The palate lets those cherries sour toward cranberry as a woody sense of huckleberry arrives with brown sugar and butter next to dark chocolate-covered espresso beans dusted with cinnamon and orange zest.
Finish: The end arrives with burnt orange, marzipan, and woody clove edge as fir firewood bark with a twinge of black soil in it arrives next to cherry-apple tobacco with a buttery and rummy feel.
Initial Thoughts:
There’s a lot going on and it all makes sense. It’s smooth on the nose and finish but a little sharp on the mid palate with all that woody spice.
This is classic (sourced) Bulleit Bourbon that’s aged up to 10 years before it’s blended and bottled. The barrels are hand-selected to really amplify those classic “Bulleit” flavors that make this brand so damn accessible (and beloved) in the first place.
Bottom Line:
This was more thin than smooth by the end. It was perfectly tasty but I wouldn’t call it smooth.
9. Russell’s Reserve Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey 10 Years Old — Taste 2
Master Distillers Jimmy and Eddie Russell go barrel hunting in their Wild Turkey rickhouses to find this expression. The whiskey is a marrying of bourbons Jimmy and Eddie Russell handpicked with a minimum age of 10 years old. They then cut it down to a very accessible 90-proof for bottling.
Bottom Line:
This had a touch of roughness around the finish — largely tied to woody sharp spice. The rest of the profile is dialed though and very enjoyable.
8. Evan Williams Single Barrel Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey — Taste 3
This is Heaven Hill’s hand-selected single barrel Evan Williams expression. The whiskey is from a single barrel, labeled with its distillation year, proofed just above 86, and bottled as is.
Bottom Line:
This was a twinge soft and thin on the end but really that’s me reaching to rank these. Still, I’m not sure I’d recommend this as a “smooth” bourbon. It’s a really good and inexpensive single barrel though.
7. Henry Mckenna 10-Year-Old Single Barrel Bottled-In-Bond Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey — Taste 4
This classic offering from Heaven Hill is actually getting easier to find again (after years of being nearly impossible to find thanks to hype). The juice utilizes a touch of rye in the mash bill and is then aged for 10 long years in a bonded rickhouse. The best barrels are chosen by hand and the whiskey is bottled with just a touch of water to bring it down to bottled-in-bond proof.
Bottom Line:
This was really good and had a smoothness to it. Ultimately, it wasn’t as lush as the next few pours. There was a great favor profile though.
6. Michter’s Single Barrel Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey 10 Years Old — Taste 6
The whiskey barrels sourced for these single-barrel expressions tend to be at least 10 years old with some rumored to be closer to 15 years old (depending on the barrel’s quality, naturally). Either way, the whiskey goes through Michter’s bespoke filtration process before a touch of Kentucky’s iconic soft limestone water is added, bringing the bourbon down to a very crushable 94.4 proof.
Bottom Line:
This was so bold compared to all the other pours. I’d call this sharp way before I’d call it smooth. It’s delicious and sharp.
5. Kirkland Signature Single Barrel By Barton 1792 Master Distillers Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey — Taste 10
This Costco release is sourced from Sazerac’s other Kentucky distillery, Barton 1792 Distillery down in Bardstown, Kentucky. The bottle’s whiskey is likely the same distillate/barrels as 1792 Full Proof. However, this is proofed down a tiny bit below that at 120 proof instead of 125 proof, adding some nuance to this release.
Bottom Line:
This was getting into the very smooth pours that delivered real depth. This went down very easily, especially for a relatively high-proof bourbon (which I didn’t know when I tasted and ranked these). Still, this went down really easily and delivered a good and deep flavor profile.
This expression takes standard Woodford Bourbon and gives it a finishing touch. The bourbon is blended and moved into new barrels that have been double-toasted but only lightly charred. The juice spends a final nine months resting in those barrels before proofing and bottling.
Bottom Line:
This was maybe the smoothest overall but didn’t have the same depth as the next three. So, if you’re looking for a super easy-going slow-sipper, this is the play.
3. Knob Creek Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey 12 Years Old — Taste 8
This is the classic Beam whiskey. The juice is left alone in the Beam warehouses in Clermont, Kentucky, for 12 long years. The barrels are chosen according to a specific taste and mingled to create this aged expression with a drop or two of that soft Kentucky limestone water.
Bottom Line:
Here we go. This is smooth AF and very deep. It’s a warmer pour though, so I’d be reticent to not mention that this is smooth with a little punchiness.
This might be one of the most beloved (and still accessible) bottles from Buffalo Trace. This whiskey is made from their very low rye mash bill. The hot juice is then matured for at least 10 years in various parts of the warehouse. The final mix comes down to barrels that hit just the right notes to make them “Eagle Rare.” Finally, this one is proofed down to a fairly low 90 proof.
Bottom Line:
This is pure silk. The only reason it’s not first is that it is pure silk but didn’t quite have as much depth as the next pour.
1. E. H. Taylor, Jr. Single Barrel Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey Bottled In Bond — Taste 9
This whiskey is aged in the famed Warehouse C at Buffalo Trace from their Mash Bill No. 1. In this case, single barrels are picked for their perfect Taylor flavor profile and bottled one at a time with a slight touch of water to bring them down to bottled-in-bond proof.
Bottom Line:
This is the one. This is smooth as silk while offering an intensely deep flavor profile that just keeps layering beautifully rendered flavors over beautiful flavors. This is a great pour.
Part 3 — Final Thoughts on the “Smooth” Bourbons
Zach Johnston
E.H. Taylor Single Barrel basically ran away with this one. It’s just so smooth while being truly deep and interesting. It runs deep and really feels supple on the senses.
And look, the top six really are all winners and smooth in one way or another. So if you’re looking for a “smooth” and delicious bourbon, grab any of the top five. They all deliver.
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