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The RX is Uproxx Music’s stamp of approval for the best albums, songs, and music stories throughout the year. Inclusion in this category is the highest distinction we can bestow and signals the most important music being released throughout the year. The RX is the music you need, right now.

Maybe it was the lukewarm reception to his last album, Come Home The Kids Miss You, or maybe it was the backlash to his casting in a remake of White Men Can’t Jump, but Jack Harlow seems fed up. On his newest album, Jackman, he goes back to the old Jack, only this time, with a chip on his shoulder and more to say than ever. Oddly enough, this more combative stance suits him, positioning him perfectly to address some of his recent controversies and distance himself from one of the most common complaints about him.

In a recent trailer for the FX show Dave, the show’s protagonist Lil Dicky engages in a tense (but comedic) confrontation with fellow white rapper Jack Harlow. While the episode itself hasn’t aired yet, it’s the origin of their on-screen beef is, like most things in the show, inspired by real life. The two men, both white rappers with oodles of curly hair and off-kilter senses of humor, are often compared, and Harlow especially seems to bristle at such connections.

That’s probably because, unlike Dicky, Jack has taken rap seriously from the beginning. At least, at the outset of Dicky’s career, it seemed that the elder rapper treated hip-hop — and his presence in it — as something of a joke. And while Dicky captured the public’s hearts with his obviously dedicated flow and sharp wit, Harlow never approached hip-hop as though he were an outsider. But the two entertainers have ended up at a similar place, albeit from disparate paths.

Rap fans seem to regard both with an equal measure of curiosity and skepticism. Although he’d been independently releasing mixtapes for several years before “What’s Poppin” took over the charts in 2020, most fans were introduced to him by that song. And, as so often happens in the post-blog rap era, many of those fans apparently regard him as an interloping, overnight success. In short, they sort of see him as Lil Dicky 2.0, just using rap to get over until he can move on to bigger, “better” things.

Jack’s resentment of this assessment is no clearer than in “It Can’t Be,” which tackles those accusations head-on. “It can’t be that I simply make ear candy,” he muses. “Especially when the industry could just plant me / Especially when I didn’t grow up on Brandy” — a nod to the non-controversy last year in which it was revealed he didn’t know R&B singers Brandy and Ray J were siblings, another mark against him in the eyes of fans who view him more as a cultural tourist than a hip-hop purist.

Likewise, Jack employs his observational gifts to highlight and subtly satirize the sizable and growing portion of the fan base that actually is engaging in the tourism, appropriation, and exploitation of hip-hop in the album’s intro, “Common Ground.” While the song stops short of outright judgment, it is lightly antagonistic, the way a good journalist should be when interrogating a subject (Jack has plenty to say on that count here). While this isn’t his first time addressing this disconnect, it’s done more bluntly — and more deftly — here.

Unlike Dicky, these were always tools that Harlow had in his bag. But, to tease — or torture — the metaphor a little, there was one other element that Jack needed to put these tools to good use. Any carpenter who wants to acquire their license must first complete an apprenticeship and put in their hours as a journeyman. In short, what Jack Harlow needed was experience and time to make full use of his technical skills, to hone them to the point that a Jackman would be possible.

“Gang Gang Gang” highlights this. A concept track which the rapper poses as a series of conversations catching up with friends back home, he’s horrified to learn that some of his closest friends have turned out to be bad eggs. It’s effective because he doesn’t pull back to make any larger political points, he keeps the focus on the discomfort and disbelief he feels and his internal struggle to reconcile the kids he knew with the monsters they grew up to be — and how to let them go. It’s a conversation more of us should be having with ourselves if we’re honest.

The glitzy, Neptunes-inspired production of Come Home — which was timely in its own right, but rubbed day-one fans and newbies the wrong way — is gone, replaced by the earthy, soul-looped backpack rap of Harlow’s youth. (An interesting catch-22 is that, had this been his second album after the success of That’s What They All Say, he’d have been undoubtedly written off as a self-serious, one-note backpacker. He had to release the glossy, celebratory Come Home in order to be taken seriously). Instead of R&B hooks and flashy features, Jackman is just 10 two-minute songs, each digging deeper into subjects he’s always touched on but with more maturity and insight than we’ve previously seen.

The funny thing is, he’s always had this in him. Jackman is, after all, his full first name. Little has changed but the circumstances. Harlow is now just a little more weathered. He’s grown into himself more as a man (it’s easy to forget, he’s just 25 years old; his brain is literally still not finished cooking from a biological standpoint). Jackman, the album, is Jackman, the person, completing his journeymanship. He knows what he’s doing now and maybe now, we’ll trust that. He may not ever shake the Lil Dicky comparisons, but now even those listeners who only scratch the surface will know he’s no joke.

Jackman is out now on Generation Now/Atlantic. Get it here.

Even though we literally just said goodbye to Pete Davidson less than a year ago, it’s never too soon to head back to NBC. It’s sort of like when you graduate high school but go visit your favorite teachers during Thanksgiving break to show everyone you are still a functioning human being. Only in this case, high school is Saturday Night Live, and your favorite teacher is Kenan Thompson.

Davidson will return to the late-night show as host this weekend, though it seems like it is more of a family reunion than a typical episode.

“It’s like a week off for us because they know how to do the show,” Thompson told People of return hosts and former castmembers. “We don’t have to hand-walk them through every single part of it. Usually, they come with ideas too, so a quarter of the show is already done. It’s just a fun, easy week for us.”

Despite Davidson’s various headline-grabbing celebrity shenanigans, the cast is happy to see him back on stage. Thompson added, “He’s a good kid. He’s done a lot of work in a short amount of time at a very high level, so we’re just all proud of him and want to support him.”

The Bupkis star has his fair share of classic characters, which Thompson is the most excited about. “I’m a classics fan. I’d fill the show up with all of his old characters or whatever, but it’s also fun to explore the new.” Does this mean we will finally see the return of Chad, the strangely irresistible dude? Probably! But we likely won’t see the return of Davidson as Aladdin. And that’s okay.

(Via People)

Budding country superstar Zach Bryan is one of this year’s most promising acts. From dropping the buzzy single “Something In The Orange,” to openly chastising Ticketmaster and their grifting ways, to advocating for trans rights, Bryan stands out in his genre.

Today (May 1), Bryan has released the music video for “Oklahoma Smokeshow,” a standout from his 34-track album, American Heartbreak. The song tells the story of a beautiful young woman, who has dreams to leave, but alas, is stuck in her small hometown. Despite the fact that several guys are vying for her attention, she finds many of them uninteresting and unfulfilling.

“She’s an Oklahoma smokeshow / He’s an asshole from back home / She’ll never make it out alive / That small-town bar scene / Where small vices kill your big dreams / He’d take you home but he’s too drunk to drive,” sings Bryan on the song’s chorus.

In the song’s video, a young woman is seen moving about her hometown, and while she seems to have no trouble finding any guy, at the end of the day, she wants nothing more than to leave that town.

You can watch the “Oklahoma Smokeshow” video above.

Zach Bryan is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Spoilers for this week’s Succession will be found below.

Succession began this week’s episode, “Living+,” with a Logan Roy green-screen “jumpscare,” and from there, one would hope that the vibe would grow less uncomfortable, but nope. The male Roy siblings proved to be the worst at running a company (a tough feat since they have only just begun) while Shiv, who has been pushed to the side, got “bitey” with the estranged husband that she apparently loathes and sort-of rebuffed an offer to be Lukas Mattson‘s “girl on the inside.” Then came the awkward-as-hell moment when Kendall Roy began his Living+ presentation and sounded like a broken record about the “big, big shoes” he needed to fill.

That wasn’t even the most cringey part of the episode. Kendall referred to himself and Roman as “young Turks” who are ready to shake things up and turn the company around, and thankfully for them, that was a private moment between the brothers. What was not so private was their apparent firing spree, which included Roman doing the unthinkable and apparently firing Gerri (the intended recipient of those d*ck pics) again.

I think we can guess how well that will turn out for Roman.

Overall, however, the audience sees this brotherly as a train wreck. Sure, Matsson did delete a derogatory tweet that nabbed a live reaction from Kendall, but the brothers are still bungling their first days as co-CEOs. They’re like a pair of trash cans floating down the road, if you will.

This line didn’t receive nearly enough attention on social media, but here’s one take that says it all:

The trainwreck will undoubtedly continue, and we’ll be watching.

HBO’s ‘Succession’ airs at 9:00pm EST.

50 Cent has mostly stayed out of politics for the last couple of years — and thank goodness, considering some of the stuff he’s said in the past, joking or not. But that didn’t stop him from getting a kick out of the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner — specifically, Roy Wood Jr.’s speech shouting out 50’s shows BMF and Power as he joked about Tucker Carlson’s abrupt departure from the spotlight for embarrassing Fox News owner Rupert Murdoch (who should be embarrassed about Fox News in general, but I digress).

In the clip, which 50 posted to Instagram, Wood jokes:

“The untouchable Tucker Carlson is out of the job. Well, some people celebratin’. But to Tucker’s staff, I want you to know that I know what you’re feeling. I work at The Daily Show, so I too know what it’s like to be blindsided by the sudden departure of the host of the fake news program. Tucker got caught up! He got caught up like that dude from Vanderpump Rules. Text message stuff. I don’t know what Vanderpump Rules is about, only watched it a couple times. My friends tell me it’s like BMF but for white people. Or is that Succession? No, Succession is Power but for white people. No! Tucker Carlson is power for white people. No, that’s white power, ya know never mind, don’t worry about that one.

I’m not sure that those are the comparisons that I would make for those shows (BMF and Power have more in common with The Sopranos and Peaky Blinders than a reality show about a rich white lady’s various businesses) but 50 — and President Joe Biden — seem pretty amused. Check out the clip above.

WARNING: Spoilers for Succession Season 4 Episode 6 below.

As Succession barrels towards its series finale, the latest episode saw Kendall and Roman try to their first “big swing” as co-CEOs while Shiv may or may not be undermining them at the behest of Alexander Skarsgård’s Lukas Mattson. While the Waystar Royco board is dead set on selling the company thanks to a ridiculously high offer from Mattson, the boys are secretly hoping that Living+, Logan’s last project before his death, can be enough of an earnings boost to stave off the sale.

However, like all things with the Roy children, things get real messy real quick. Roman’s firing people left and right (including Geri) while Kendall has that “gleam in his eye” as he micromanages the Living+ launch and starts making outrageous demands like having a full house built on a stage in less than 24 hours.

At one point, Shiv and Roman come to an increasingly rare agreement that the Living+ launch needs to be tanked, but when Roman tries to pull the plug, he backs down at the last minute and leaves Kendall to do the presentation solo. Despite a wobbly start, and a very Elon Musk-esque tweet from Mattson, Kendall surprisingly nails the presentation even though the earning potential for Living+ is severely optimistic.

With a win seemingly secured, Kendall goes for a walk on the beach where he can’t resist getting into the water. As Succession fans know, Kendall’s relationship with water is fraught with meaning, from the watery crash in Season 1 to his ambiguous suicide attempt in Season 3. Seeing Kendall in the ocean brought back all kinds of memories for Succession fans, who mostly saw nothing but positive vibes from his latest dip.

You can see some of the reactions below:

While the vast majority of the tweets saw Kendall’s return to the water as a good thing, one user floated a theory that the symbolism might not be as rejuvenating and positive as it looks.

“He may look blissed out and facing the right way this time but that head is barely above water,” Laura Shepard tweeted. “Thinking a big fall is coming or he fails his way into becoming his father.”

New episodes of Succession Season 4 air Sunday on HBO.

Anthony Carrigan‘s Noho Hank has been one of Barry‘s most reliable sources of laughter throughout the show’s run, but last night’s episode (stop now if you aren’t caught up) saw a sharp turn toward the dark for the character. Brought to this moment, practically, by threats from his Chechen crime family, but also years of feeling like a doormat, realizing he was being used by Barry, and the trauma from last year’s violent rescue of his lover and business partner, Cristobal (Michael Irby), Hank is something new now. Something detestable to Cristobal who, in a heartbreaking moment, leaves Hank despite warnings that he (and the Chechens) won’t let him go.

As you’ll surely agree, the final scene between Hank and Cristobal is emotionally gutting with Hank going through a range of emotions after they part — from anger to terror, devastation, and shell-shocked acceptance. After watching that unfold, we wanted to talk with Carrigan about all of it, from filming that goodbye scene with Irby to his feelings on the decision to end the show’s only comparatively healthy relationship and an arc that seemed like it might be on track to be the show’s only happy ending. Below, we also discuss all that, the exciting challenge of playing Hank’s evolution from comic relief character, Hank’s other breakup (with Barry), Bill Hader’s inventive murder mind, and Dave & Busters.

How did Hank find time to shop in Santa Fe for that amazing outfit in the first episode?

I mean, I think he was on a mission. He was on a mission to fit in, to be in disguise.

Mission accomplished.

Right? Did he succeed? I’m not necessarily sure, but did he look great? I think so.

Always. I am curious about your own personal opinion on Dave & Buster’s. Are you a fan?

I mean, look, I’ve definitely spent my time at Dave & Buster’s. Let’s be real. Love me some air hockey, love shooting those hoops. Will watch a game there every once in a while for sure. But yeah, it was, I mean, God that was so much fun. That was so much fun just to be able to shoot there and do that whole choreographed sequence.

Is it hard as the actor playing it to accept, okay, we’re going to go in a different direction that’s going to be a bit heavier and break apart this beautiful relationship (with Cristobal)?

No, I mean, I kind of love it. I think it’s the more interesting route, and I think that’s what makes Barry a very unique show; that it’s not afraid to take it really, really deep and really dark and unapologetically (so). But I think it also tracks. It’s not getting dark just for the sake of getting dark or because getting dark is cool or something. I think it actually all tracks in a certain way that when traumatic events happen and you don’t deal with them, and you don’t deal with them in a healthy way, they will come out in other unhealthy ways and they will inform your decisions in toxic ways as well.

Hank was a character that felt like he might eek out of this, he might be a happy guy. And maybe he will, but up to this point, it seems like no, he’s been pulled back down into the muck with everybody else.

For sure. I mean, in a certain way, I think he was put in a very compromised position. There is the idea of what they (Hank and Cristobal) wanted their life to be and this kind of crime utopia where everyone got along, but then there’s the harsh reality represented by the Chechens who were going to come in and essentially take them all out. So Hank was put in a tough spot, and I think he tried to choose safety, but what that safety was, actually, was brutality and it ended up costing him dearly, I think.

Throughout the course of the show, Hank has been a reliably funny character. This season, there’s that heaviness, obviously. Does it feel different for you to not necessarily find those funny moments as much?

I think that you really just kind of have to focus on the north star of it, which is, “What’s this character going through?” And sometimes it is that kind of hilarious comedic stuff. But I think the darker that it’s gotten and the more that things had been stripped away, I think it takes on other tones, right? Sadder tones, more kind of depressed or anxious tones. And I think that is a bit of a challenge, to find that in this character. But I loved that challenge. I loved every second of it to be like, what does this character look like in this new light of having gone through this gauntlet? What is that now? And as an actor, you do not get that stuff very often, where that challenge is presented to you.

The big scene from this most recent episode is the one where Cristobal is executed and your reaction throughout that sequence. Can you take me through that? Because so much of it is done wordlessly. I’m just curious about any kind of direction or notes going into that and what you were prepared to bring to that moment.

Well, I think what was really fascinating about that process was this journey from the idea of the scene and the idea of all these kinds of marks that we needed to hit and what this represented to, how do we get there? How does this interaction happen in a way that is truthful and believable and messy and ultimately like any kind of breakup? And I think that process was a really interesting one to go in and say, “Well, what would I really do? What would I really do here?” And that led us to really interesting places as opposed to a really quaffed scene where it’s like, “I do this and then you do that.” It was actually way more organic and thank God I was with someone like Michael Irby, who was just so game and so willing and so gracious that we really found this beautiful kind of tenderness and heartbreak between the two of them. And it led to some really, really special moments.

To backtrack slightly, the visuals with the sand trap (that Hank used to take out his and Cristobal’s partners — and almost Cristobal himself), it’s so innovative and visually unique. What’s it like when you read that on the page and see that executed?

I was blown away when I heard about it. I was like, oh my God, this is so cool.

You get the sense that you, Bill Hader would bring a lot of creativity to the mix if he wanted to actually kill someone.

I’m staying on that guy’s good side forever, I promise you. But no, truly, I was really fascinated by what he had talked about and how it was going to be done. And also that they had done their research. That sand is actually a really amazing building material and this was an actual real thing that was poured over and thought about.

So it’s a business you’re going to get involved in now? It’s a side hustle for you, is what you’re saying?

I mean, look, I don’t know who to invest with or where to invest, but it seems like it’s a smart investment. I’m probably not going to go to those measures to actually do it, but yeah, we’ll see.

The final season of ‘Barry’ continues Sunday nights on HBO at 10PM ET.

[This post contains spoilers for Barry]

Succession was great last night, obviously, but let’s not overlook the other HBO series having an incredible final season.

Speaking of incredible final things, let’s talk about the final scene in Sunday’s Barry, “it takes a psycho.” After escaping a Guillermo del Toro-assisted prison shoot out, Barry (played by Bill Hader) goes to the apartment of his ex-girlfriend Sally (Sarah Goldberg). “I know this is crazy,” he tells her, looking deranged, “but if I could just stay here…” Sally interrupts him. “Let’s go.”

Cut to the middle of nowhere. A father tells a young boy named John (he’s never even heard of Call of Duty!) to go home. “That is one pissed-off boy,” the dad says to his son. John trudges back to his nondescript home; a fridge containing Budweiser, wine, and a single donut; and his parents, an older-looking Barry and Sally. “I’ll go talk to him,” a concerned Barry says, while Sally rubs her forehead. Is this a Lost-style flash-forward, or a glimpse inside Barry’s brain while he’s having a full-on mental breakdown? It could be both, but it sounds like the former, based on comments made by Goldberg.

“Without giving away episode five, we’ve got Barry and Sally living in a place we haven’t seen. The landscape has changed wildly. They do have a son, and the brief interaction that you see with the three of them, I would say that it’s not a portrait of a happy family,” she told the Hollywood Reporter. “Even what’s in the fridge — wine, beer and half a donut — give you some clues and ideas of where this not-so-love-story love story is heading.”

At least they’re doing better than Hank and Cristobal?

(Via the Hollywood Reporter)

When faced with difficulty, Ed Sheeran does what he does best — write songs. Grief is a recurring theme on Sheeran’s upcoming fifth studio album, – (aka Subtract). In tandem with the album, Sheeran will drop a new documentary on Disney+ called The Sum Of It All.

According to a report from Metro, Sheeran and his wife, consultant Cherry Seaborn, get candid in the documentary, particularly about Seaborn’s cancer diagnosis and how the two coped.

Last year, Seaborn was diagnosed with a tumor while she was expecting her and Sheeran’s second child. At the time, Seaborn would have to wait until after the baby was born in order to get the medical procedure she need.

“We had the diagnosis of the tumor and the next day, Ed went down into the basement and wrote seven songs in four hours,” said Seaborn.

She continued, saying, “Some people write a diary and get their emotions out through the pen and for Ed, if something really intense happens, he’ll go and write a song.”

The documentary will be available to stream on Disney+ this Wednesday, May 3, just two days before the arrival of -.

– is out 5/5 via Asylum/Atlantic. Find more information here.

Ed Sheeran is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

The Succession Report Card is a weekly recap feature where we attempt to assign grades to the important people, things, and themes from each episode of Succession. The grades are entirely subjective and the criteria for scoring will change from week to week and occasionally mid-week. Someone might get detention. It’ll probably be Roman.

SEASON 4, EPISODE 6 – “Living+”

Roman

Roman is:

• Firing assorted high-ranking women at the company he just became co-CEO of, neither time with anyone from the legal department present, both for the grave sin of pointing out he might be in over his head a little bit, which is correct
• Kind of melting down in the car over doctored videos of his father saying mean things about him that he actually believes on a deeper core level in a way that would take 600 therapists 500,000 years to begin to unpack
• Not doing great professionally and personally, which you could have deduced from the first two bullets in this list

It has long been my position that Roman is the most human and sensitive of the Roy children, and maybe the most competent, but it’s always good to remember that this is a sliding scale.

GRADE: F

MUST IMPROVE: Decision making

Matsson

It’s always hard to assign Matsson a grade in these, for a slew of reasons that range from “maybe he’s playing a long game” to “well, it’s not like anyone else is doing that great either.” He’s an enigma, this one, walking barefoot across tarmacs and FaceTiming people with his hair all mushy-mashy and just generally being maybe the weirdest dude on this show, which is really saying something.

That said, I do feel comfortable giving him an F this week, if only because you can be out there running around doing Nazi-adjacent tweets while you are trying to close a nine-figure business deal. Or, like, at all. No Nazi-adjacent tweets. That’s a pretty good policy to have for anyone.

GRADE: F

MUST IMPROVE: I think Matsson would be in a better place in a lot of ways if he had one person in his life with the power to just take his phone away from him for a little while.

Being dead, generally

When I die (if I die, depending on the various advances set forth in Living+), please do not take video footage of me and alter it digitally to make me say all kinds of wild stuff. I feel like I should not have to say this, but you can’t be too careful, as Logan learned from beyond the grave this week.

GRADE: F

MUST IMPROVE: Being around to defend yourself

Gerri

Gerri may or may not be fired, depending on whether you think any of that business with Roman actually sticks. It was pretty mean (and accurate) to counter “it’s what my dad would have done” with “well, you’re not your dad” to a man whose entire life has been trying to balance those two issues between sending pictures of his privates to people he should not be sending pictures of himself to.

It’s also good to remember two things here: One, the Roy children are grieving, of course, but this is a weird time for everyone right now, including the people Logan worked with for decades, who may have, in many ways, been closer to the man than his own family; two, Gerri is going to get paid so much money if the firing is real, mostly on account of her, again, being in possession of unsolicited pictures of the penis belonging to the sad little boy who fired her. Gerri is going to be okay in any situation here.

GRADE: D

MUST IMPROVE: Remaining employed, if that’s something she really even wants

Living+

This is… weird, right? Like a cross between nursing homes and cruises where a slew of celebrities are forced via contract to zoom around and greet you in between your appointments with privately-funded doctors who are trying to keep your broken corpse alive in defiance of the laws of nature and good sense? All helmed by a company that does news and a man who is in the middle of a public-facing manic episode after the death of his father? That seems weird.

Please imagine one of your parents calling you up and telling you they want to move to the Fox News island where various chemicals will help them live forever. That would not be a fun conversation.

GRADE: D

MUST IMPROVE: More like Living Minus

Joy from the studio

Joy:

• Pushed backed a little on the conglomerate she works for pushing a right-wing lunatic for president, which, even if you don’t have an issue with that from a political perspective, will make her job much harder, at least from a “wrangling various liberal celebrities in Los Angeles for various high-profile roles both on- and off-screen” perspective
• Has to try to explain a god-awful robot movie to a bunch of idiot man-babies who just lost their father, who was also your boss
• Is maybe fired?

Not great times for Joy.

GRADE: D+

MUST IMPROVE: I don’t know if she needs to improve on it because we haven’t seen much of it in action, but I do feel that Joy needs to start lawyering up in a pretty big way

Pete

Poor Pete.

GRADE: D

MUST IMPROVE: I think “looking a little less like Jeff Van Gundy” is somehow insulting to both men here but not entirely inaccurate

Shiv

Shiv is:

• Trying to play nice-nice with an eccentric billionaire who is maybe hitting on her in his own weirdo way and is definitely trying to drive a wedge between her and her doofus brothers
• Failing at all of this pretty spectacularly
• Scheduling time to cry alone in a conference room
• Holding a lot of glasses with liquor in them for a woman who is pushing her fifth month of pregnancy

Please take a few minutes and picture Shiv and Tom raising a teenager, either together or via a custody arrangement.

GRADE: C

MUST IMPROVE: Shiv, more than any of the Roy children, would be in a much better place if she could just take the money from the sale and go try to do her own thing, which she will also fail at, but still

Tom

Two important Tom Moments this week…

ONE: That game of Bitey with Shiv, a very nice and accurate metaphor for the thing where, even in the best of times, their relationship is built on a wobbly foundation of trying to hurt and one-up each other.

TWO: The little monologue about money and what it means to both of them, vis a vis their relationship and deep-seated personal issues. That might have been the most honest anyone on this television show, at least to each other, in person.

I go back and forth on Tom. Sometimes I want him to pull through all of this and come out of it more powerful than any of the Roy children. Other times I want to see him fall down a little flight of stairs in front of the whole company.

Also, I don’t believe it would be fun to hop on stage and attempt to follow “we are building a crime-free utopia where immortality is possible and maybe you get to meet Tom Cruise or someone. I don’t think I would like it, at least.

GRADE: C

MUST IMPROVE: Timing, security, a lot of stuff

Cousin Greg

It was kind of cute in an awful way to watch him try to cosplay as an actual Roy and bully the editor into poorly dubbing Logan’s speech to juice up some numbers. Greg has no idea what he’s doing right now and is blowing around in the breeze like a kite a child lost to the skies and just desperately wants to ensure that he keeps getting money for whatever it is he does and keeps getting invited to fancy events where he can eat little finger foods.

I hate him so much now. I did not see this coming when the season started. Really just a lot to process for me.

GRADE: C

MUST IMPROVE: [deep, long sigh that rumbles the ground around me and makes my cup of coffee teeter toward the edge of my desk]

Various Karls, Franks, and Karolinas

I was so proud of Karl when he chewed out Kendall in the bowels of that arena. I could have watched it for an hour. I might watch it for an hour after this publishes. It’s easy to forget because we mostly see Karl doing yes-man things and being a good soldier but he is so much more experienced at dealing with any of this. He’s watching a lil cokehead run around trying to poke holes in his precious golden parachute and he’s not doing too great about it. I root for Karl, weirdly, even if everything he stands for lines pretty much against everything I stand for. It’s complicated.

GRADE: B

MUST IMPROVE: Squealing

Golf carts

Notes of golf carts:

• A great mode of transportation on a movie lot or any other large outdoor area where full-size cars are not practical
• Maybe not the most powerful thing to get chauffeured around in, as we saw from Roman sitting on the back of one in an awkward position on his way to meet with Joy
• One time as a teenager I got a golf cart stuck in a bunker, which I feel like I’ve mentioned before but is still worth noting here if only for the visual of someone — a teenage dipshit version of me or even a fully-grown version of Roman Roy — trying to figure out how to get a golf cart out of a bunker, with the wheels spinning furiously and digging deeper into the sand with each attempt.

I ended up having to call the grounds crew guys and have them literally lift the cart out of there with their big strong bare hands and carry it onto the grass, which was embarrassingly but also a pretty decent metaphor for what Roman is going to have to do going forward right now.

GRADE: B

MUST IMPROVE: I know it’s dangerous and not something I should be advocating for a few sentences removed from me telling you I got one stuck in a hole filled with sand one time, but I feel like golf carts should go faster

Nice things

Nice things are great but too many nice things can make you spoiled and soft. You need, like, a medium amount of nice thighs. Just enough to keep you honest. A nice amount of nice things. That would be nice.

GRADE: B+

MUST IMPROVE: You can always give me some of your nice things if you worry you have too many

Kendall, somehow

ON ONE HAND: He… crushed it? A little bit? Against odds that were truly staggering given who he is and everything we have seen him do over the course of three seasons and also the thing where he kept saying stuff like “go go rocket ship” and “to the moon” and all sorts of other space-type things that are extra funny when you remember Roman’s face when he watched that actual rocket ship explode on his photo way back in season one. I still haven’t decided if his presentation was “good” or if everyone was just impressed given the… let’s stick with “spaceship explosion” here… that everyone thought it was going to be, especially after his ping-ponging brain wanted a house and clouds on the stage in the last 30 seconds before showtime like he was doing a community theater production of Wizard of Oz. The whole thing was probably a C+ on its merits but an A+ given the circumstances. We can grade on a curve here.

ON THE OTHER HAND: He, uh… let’s do bullet points again…

• Goosed the numbers in a pretty unreachable way
• Used CGI to make his dad say the things he always wanted his dad to say, which is both unethical from a business sense and unhealthy from a personal one
• Kind of promised immortality a little bit in the first public appearance he made as CEO, which… I mean, there’s setting the bar high and then there’s standing on a stage and shouting “WE ARE GOING TO LIVE FOREVER, DUDES”

But hey… good for him, mostly. The scene at the end was pretty powerful after all of this. There was the thing where he was floating face-up in the ocean after the thing where he was floating face-down in the pool last season, and even the larger thing where he was swimming out into the vast and powerful abyss to battle against the relentless pounding sea and then found peace bobbing up and down with the waves instead of fighting them, which feels a little on the nose as far as imagery goes but…

Yeah. Good for him, man. Kid needed a win.

GRADE: A

MUST IMPROVE: Maybe dial it down 25-30 percent here, guy

Jess Jordan

The thing about Jess Jordan is that every time I see her on the screen I start wondering about what she’s up to when she’s not on the screen. I have joked about it before but I’m starting to really talk myself into the idea of this show doing a full-on Jess Jordan episode with one of its last four. Show me Jess Jordan meeting with publishers for a tell-all book. Or out at happy hour with friends from college doing the whole three-drinks gossip thing about work. Or on vacation at a ski lodge where we discover she is a champion snowboarder who just missed winning a bronze at the X-Games when she was in college. Or all three. I can be flexible here.

GRADE: A

MUST IMPROVE: SHOW ME JESS JORDAN ON A SNOWBOARD