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(WARNING: Spoilers for the latest Power Book II: Ghost episode will be found below.)

Nine seasons. That’s how long Shane Johnson played the role of Cooper Saxe in both the Power and Power Book II: Ghost series. Through it all, Saxe was a character that viewers hoped to see fall into his demise at any point in the last decade, and there were a few times that he tumbled to the delight of Power fans. He was fired, rehired, and fired again as U.S. Attorney in New York on the show, all during the pursuit of his No. 1 career goal: putting James St. Patrick in jail.

As we all know, Saxe was never able to achieve this, and his failure to do so created his lifelong hate for the St. Patrick family and their associates. It was created in the original Power series and it transferred in new ways and reached new heights in Power Book II: Ghost, even though Saxe was supposed to be working as Tariq St. Patrick’s defense attorney. Saxe’s pursuit to take down Tariq led to him working with prosecutor Jenny Sullivan, who he was also in love with, in stealing documents, lying to his co-workers, and more. Most notably, led to Cooper Saxe’s death. Tariq and Davis MacLean both found out that Saxe was working with Sullivan to build a case against Tariq. This information found its way to Davis’ brother Theo who took it upon himself to kill Saxe.

Following the shocking events of Power Book II: Ghost season 3, episode 8, we caught up with Shane Johnson to talk about everything Cooper Saxe: his flaws, the fun moments, and what his Power legacy will be.

Well, we must pay our condolences to the one and only Cooper Saxe. When did you find out that Saxe would be killed off in this episode and what was your first reaction?

Well listen, it’s one of those things that, as you can imagine being Cooper Saxe, for years and years and years, I was kind of like waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was always expecting that well, has my time come? So, the fact that I survived a decade on the show has honestly been such a huge blessing and really incredible. That being said, when I found out I was getting it, it was like a mix of things. At first, I was in shock because they do this thing where they don’t necessarily want to tell you too far in advance because they don’t want it to affect how you perform. They don’t want to affect your psyche too much and I appreciate that, I do. I found out maybe a month ahead of time, and we were already filming. So I was like going like, “Wait, hold on a second.” As an actor, the other thing is, you’re kind of going “Oh, so I’m looking for another job now.”

Being somebody that also really just loves and cares about this Power Universe that we’re in, I had all kinds of ideas. In my mind, I thought Cooper Saxe could go off and be a really dangerous asset to Davis MacLean (Method Man). In my mind, there definitely was a future for Cooper Saxe. To have it cut short like this, was exciting for sure but, I’ll be real, it was unexpected for me too.

Since the original Power series, Saxe has been chasing the St. Patricks and while there were small wins along the way, he was never able to fully take them down. Why do you think that Saxe never gave up?

I think the reality is Saxe racked up so many losses along the way. Never really being able to get a foothold with the cases that he was trying to pursue, and never really winning, I feel like what happened was that as he continued to build up losses, he also continued to change his tactics. He got riskier, a little bit more illegal, a little bit more off the books, and a little bit more willing to put it all out there in order to get justice/revenge. He got sloppy and he got messy. He’s somebody that I’m very proud of the trajectory that we created with Cooper Saxe, but at the end of the day, he wasn’t going to make it out of this Power Universe. He can’t win, this dude can’t win. If he wins, what? He puts everybody in jail and the show’s over, you know what I mean? I’m really happy man, I’m satisfied with how things ended.

This season we see Saxe work more closely than ever with Jenny Sullivan to backdoor Tariq and the Tejadas into RICO. Is Saxe’s decision to work with Jenny rooted more in his feelings for her or through this long-lasting desire to take down the St. Patricks?

I would say 50% of the sloppiness, came from the fact that he had love for Jenny Sullivan. He was willing to do things for her, because of her, that he wouldn’t have done previously. As I said, they’re sloppy and messy, and he allowed her to have leverage over him that, to me, didn’t really seem like leverage. She was like, “Oh, well, you told me that one story that one time and I’ll tell people that you told me that story.” It’s like, okay, whatever, then I’ll just say you’re full of sh*t. I think that his heart, his care for her, his wanting to have a family, and his wanting to be a human being that was outside of this dark world they’re in were part of his weakness. If Cooper Saxe was a ruthless motherf*cker that was like, “This is how it’s gonna go. I don’t care about anything. I’m getting this. Jenny doesn’t matter, the Tejadas and the St. Patricks don’t matter,” I think he probably would have been more successful. But, he allowed his heart to affect some of his choices along the way. Ultimately, I think his heart might be his demise.

What would you say are the similarities and differences in characteristics and personalities between Cooper Saxe and Shane Johnson?

One of the things that I’m very proud of is the sense of humor I brought to Cooper Saxe. I feel like Cooper Saxe added a much-needed, but also very personal for me, sense of humor to the show. Not because it’s a comedy, but because even tragedy has comedy to it. Tragedy has a sense of humor to it, and it’s the way we let steam out and it’s the way we survive. Cooper Saxe was that note for me in this show and I’m very proud of that. I don’t know anything about law, Shane Johnson, I don’t know anything about courtrooms. I grew up in. I grew up in a trailer park man in a little farm town in Washington State. I am completely the opposite of Cooper Saxe.

What are your interactions like with Power fans when you run into them in public?

Usually, things start off with like, “Oh my god, I hate this guy,” “I can’t wait for him to die,” “You need to die,” and “I’ll kill you if I ever see you.” The thing that’s really cool about the fans, man, our fans are so involved. It’ll go from “I hate you, I can’t wait for you to die. I’ll kill you myself,” to me going, “Oh, hey, that’s so sweet of you to say,” and they’ll respond like, “Oh my god, you responded! I’m such a huge fan. I love your character on the show.” To me, that speaks volumes about the universe that we’ve created because people are engaged, people care, and I love the fact that people have access to us. I love the fact that people can engage with me, that I can respond to them, and we can commiserate over the fact that this universe means something to us. Listen, they know that I’m not Cooper Saxe, but it’s fun to kind of pretend that Shane Johnson and Cooper Saxe are like the same person.

What would you say Saxe’s overall Power legacy is?

I would say that he’s kind of the relentless do-gooder that just can never seem to win. I would like to think that, on a selfish level, if people said, “Hey, what did Cooper Saxe bring to the Power Universe?” that people will go, “Dude, that guy was funny. He made me laugh. I loved his antics and I loved his take on things.” That would be the thing that I’m probably most proud of, that I brought that energy to something that could have been very straight. Cooper Saxe could have been like a straight-laced, serious kind of guy. He, instead, was somebody that had a lot of sardonic humor and a lot of levity. I feel like our audience really appreciated that.

New episodes of ‘Power Book II: Ghost’ are available on the STARZ app on Fridays at 12:00 am EST and on the STARZ TV channel at 8:00 pm EST.

The Inside the NBA crew got their first weekend off of the postseason, as they had Thursday through Saturday off before being back at the desk in Atlanta on Sunday night for Game 4 between the Suns and Nuggets.

With Formula 1 in Miami, Kenny Smith and Shaq both headed down to enjoy the festivities. While Shaq usually garners the most attention when he’s at events, it was Smith who became the more talked about Inside member in Miami after TMZ posted a number of photos of him and a young woman enjoying the sun on South Beach.

Once back in Atlanta for Sunday night’s show, it didn’t take long for the crew to poke fun at Kenny’s beach escapades, as Ernie Johnson teed up the fellas by cheekily asking if they had any photos to share from the weekend, allowing Charles Barkley to immediately go “I got one of Kenny!” sending Shaq into a fit of laughter.

The best part is Kenny trying to drag Shaq down with him, saying O’Neal was his “right hand man” all weekend, which Shaq wanted no part of. Ernie eventually offered Kenny a reprieve by getting to the upcoming sponsored segment, but not until he’d allowed Chuck and Shaq to get their jokes off about Kenny’s accidental TMZ shoot on the beach.

With the many (many) recent conversations surrounding on-screen sex scenes, it seems like more actors are standing firm in their own preferences. Penn Badgley boldly decided that he wouldn’t have any sex scenes in season four of his raunchy drama You, and it seems like he isn’t alone in feeling like certain scenes aren’t necessary. He was also surprised when people were shocked about that, but that’s a whole other conversation.

The Good Place actress Jameela Jamil recently revealed that she “doesn’t do” sex scenes, even if it means missing out on a hit show. The actress was featured on Badgley’s podcast Podcrushed, where she admitted, “I don’t do sex scenes. In fact, I was supposed to audition for the most recent season of your show,” Jamil told Badgley, referring to You.

While she didn’t reveal which character she was set to audition for, Jamil knew she wasn’t right for it. “My character was supposed to be quite sexy, and I pulled out of the audition, because I am so shy about anything sexy that I can’t,” she explained. Jamil said she was inspired by Badgley opting out of sex scenes, which is something she didn’t realize she had the power to do. “I was like, ‘I didn’t even know that was a boundary that we could draw.’ But then I was like, I should have gone and done the f*cking show,” she added. To be fair, by the time a lead actor makes it to season four of a Netflix show, he probably has a lot more flexibility when it comes to those things. What would You be without Joe Goldberg? And all of his other personas, for that matter.

The actress clarified that she doesn’t have problems with other actors who choose to partake in sex scenes, it’s her own personal choice.
“I have so much deep, like, childhood sexual trauma stuff. So I think that was never in the cards for me. You know, I still wear the little skirt or the busty top, but like, occasionally. But generally, I feel quite protective of myself in that way.”

Even though she didn’t land the role, Jamil appeared on Disney+’s She-Hulk where she luckily didn’t have to do a sex scene. But she did get to repeatedly punch Tatiana Maslany, and not many people can say that!

(Via People)

Before getting fully ensnared in the increasingly volatile and titular “Tailgate Party” in the latest episode of Succession, The Disgusting Brothers duo of Tom and Greg are tasked with laying off a sizable portion of the ATN staff. As the top executive, Tom kicks off the Zoom meeting by saying how much he hates these situations and that sometimes he even cries during them, so he’s going to hand things off to Greg, who’s becoming more and more adept at firing people after his disastrous performance with Kerry.

However, the meeting isn’t entirely professional as Tom mocks the employees being fired off-camera as Greg reads a confusing statement loaded with nonsense corporate jargon. After making it clear that everyone has been terminated, he ends the call without taking any questions.

For anyone who’s ever been fired from a corporate job, the scene probably felt a little too real. And for anyone who was fired from Better.com, it probably seemed even more familiar. Back in 2021, CEO Vishal Garg laid off over 9% of the mortgage company’s workforce in a viral video where he also said that these situations make him cry.

“This is the second time in my career I’m doing this and I do not want to do this. The last time I did it, I cried,” Garg said in the video, which seems pretty close to Tom’s speech before handing things over to Greg.

Considering this season of Succession has skewered reality numerous times from Logan Roy standing on copy paper boxes to deliver a speech a la Rupert Murdoch to Lukas Mattson having some very Elon Musk qualities, it would absolutely track if the show skewered this brutal moment in corporate culture.

(Via CNN)

Kendrick Lamar’s album To Pimp A Butterfly is returning to vinyl for Interscope Records’ Artists Inspired by Music: Interscope Reimagined project. The limited-edition set comes with packaging designed by Gucci; in addition to a custom linen-wrapped vinyl jacket, the album will come with a print designed by South Central contemporary artist Lauren Halsey. Only 100 copies of the limited-edition vinyl will be sold at $2500 apiece.

You can find more information about the release here.

Earlier this year, it was reported that Kendrick Lamar earned one of the best-selling vinyl releases of 2022 for his 2012 debut album Good Kid MAAD City as it celebrated its 10-year anniversary. 254,000 copies were sold, good for the fourth-best-selling vinyl overall and best-selling hip-hop vinyl of the year. Meanwhile, Kendrick’s 2017 album DAMN. crossed a major threshold of its own, spending 300 consecutive weeks on the Billboard 200 albums chart. The Compton rapper’s most recent album, Mr. Morale & The Big Steppers, earned the Best Rap Album Grammy earlier this year, continuing his trend of groundbreaking albums and incredible success.

Kendrick’s got a busy schedule for 2023, with appearances set for Outside Lands, Life Is Beautiful, and Lollapalooza in Chicago. But the thing fans might be most excited about is the possibility of a Black Hippy project, which Top Dawg teased in March.

Game 4 between the Suns and Nuggets was a shot-making exhibition between stars on both teams, as Nikola Jokic piled up 53 points for Denver, while Kevin Durant and Devin Booker scored 36 each in a winning effort.

However, within that incredible duel was one of the strangest incidents of the postseason, as Jokic got into it with Suns owner Mat Ishbia after the ball landed in Ishbia’s lap and Jokic wanted to quickly get it back in play with Denver having an advantage. The two wrestled over the ball, having it pop into the row behind, and then Jokic gave Ishbia a little shove, which the Suns owner (and former Michigan State player) sold with a flop into his seat.

Jokic got a technical for the shove, as Tony Brothers deemed it a purposeful act, while another fan who reached out to hit Jokic was ejected from courtside. After the game, Jokic and Michael Malone expressed their frustration with the situation, not caring that Ishbia was the owner as that doesn’t change the fact that, when seated courtside, he has the same rules as any fan. Jokic thought he should’ve been kicked out for interfering with the game, noting multiple times he thought the league was supposed to protect players.

On Monday morning, Ishbia released his first statement on the matter, calling for everyone to move on and hoping the league won’t do anything else to punish Jokic, as there was talk after the game wondering if a suspension could be on the way.

Hopefully the league heeds Ishbia’s advice, as the technical should suffice as punishment for Jokic as neither party is without fault in the incident and it didn’t escalate into anything more.

King Charles III enjoyed his coronation on Saturday, May 6, and while Katy Perry had trouble finding her seat for the coronation ceremony, she and Lionel Richie did what they do best at the subsequent Coronation Concert at Windsor Castle on Sunday, May 7.

The Associated Press relayed the scene:

“The newly crowned monarch and his wife [Queen Camilla] appeared to enjoy the show as Richie performed ‘All Night Long,’ at one point getting up on their feet and swaying to the music. Other members of the royal family, including 8-year-old Princess Charlotte and Prince George, 9, waved Union flags along with a crowd of some 20,000 gathered on the castle’s east terrace. Charlotte and her mother, Kate, the Princess of Wales, sang along as Perry, dressed in a gold foil ball gown, performed her pop hit ‘Roar.’”

King Charles and Queen Camilla repaid the favor by appearing in Perry and Richie’s remote segment on American Idol during Sunday night’s broadcast. (Ed Sheeran and Alanis Morissette filled in as judges in their absence.)

“What a party. What a party. It was unbelievable,” Richie told host Ryan Seacrest of the weekend’s royal festivities. Perry agreed that “it was incredible” and confirmed she and Richie were coming to Idol audiences from Windsor Castle around the Coronation Concert.

“Now, we’re trying to figure out, what can we do to bring something different to the show,” Richie teased before King Charles and Queen Camilla made their way into the shot.

“I just wanted to check how long you’ll be using this room for,” King Charles said with a laugh. He also thanked Perry and Richie for their “brilliant performance,” which Queen Camilla added was “fantastic.”

Watch the American Idol bit above, and watch Sheeran’s performance of “Eyes Closed” below.

Ed Sheeran is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

As the seasons went by, Breaking Bad got darker and darker. And it was already plenty dark in the first season. The same can be said of Barry, to the point where creator and star Bill Hader felt compelled to apologize to Breaking Bad creator Vince Gilligan for the similarities between the shows.

“Yeah, I saw him and the writers at a thing and said, ‘Man, I really feel like I owe you a check.’ [Laughs.] And especially for season one. There was a joke that people were calling it Breaking Good and stuff like that,” Hader told the Hollywood Reporter. “But it is true.” There were no hard feelings between Gilligan and Hader, who dropped by the Better Call Saul writers’ room.

“On a personal level, I visited the Better Call Saul writers’ room way early just to be like, ‘How do you guys do this?’ And so I just watched them hang out for a day,” Hader explained. “I also hung out with Vince off and on for a couple weeks, and we got along really well. I never watched a lot of television, but I did watch Breaking Bad pretty religiously. I was just impressed because of the propulsive narrative of that story.”

Hader took all the right lessons from Better Call Saul, because like the Breaking Bad spinoff, Barry is having an incredible final season.

(Via the Hollywood Reporter)

Keeping up with new music can be exhausting, even impossible. From the weekly album releases to standalone singles dropping on a daily basis, the amount of music is so vast it’s easy for something to slip through the cracks. Even following along with the Uproxx recommendations on a daily basis can be a lot to ask, so every Monday we’re offering up this rundown of the best new music this week.

This week saw Ed Sheeran have a supremely busy week and aespa go all in on AI. Yeah, it was a great week for new music. Check out the highlights below.

For more music recommendations, check out our Listen To This section, as well as our Indie Mixtape and Pop Life newsletters.

Ed Sheeran — “End Of Youth”

Sheeran has a lot to celebrate right now: The Marvin Gaye plagiarism trial was just ruled in his favor and his new album – (aka Subtract) released shortly after. A highlight from the vulnerable LP is “End Of Youth,” which sees the singer sorrowfully reflecting on seeing his childhood in the rear view.

aespa — “Welcome To MY World” Feat. nævis

aespa has quickly become of the the strongest forces in K-pop over the past few years. Their last album, Girls, peaked at No. 3 on the Billboard 200 chart last year, and now they’re looking to continue that success with the new My World EP. They shared “Welcome To MY World” last week and if you’re wondering about that featured artist, it’s actually the group’s AI-generated character.

will.i.am and Lil Wayne — “The Formula”

Last week saw a meeting between hip-hop legends as will.i.am and Lil Wayne linked up on “The Formula.” Uproxx’s Alex Gonzalez notes of the collab, “on ‘The Formula,’ the hip-hop veterans remind listeners of their place in the game. Will experiments with drill sounds as he delivers snappy, clever bars. […] Swooping in with some more heat is Wayne, with a verse chock-full of car metaphors.”

Gucci Mane — “Pissy” Feat. Roddy Ricch and Nardo Wick

Gucci Mane has plenty to brag about, and that’s just what he does alongside Roddy Ricch and Nardo Wick on “Pissy.” Congratulations are in order for Roddy, for managing to use “pissy” as a flex, as he raps in the hook, “B*tch, I got the yellow gold, I got the yellow stones and my wrist and ring, it look pissy.”

Toosii and Khalid — “Favorite Song”

Toosii has a hit on his hands with the recent single “Favorite Song,” the first top-20 song of his career. Now he’s upped the star power on the track by bringing Khalid in, who himself brings a smooth new verse, for a fresh remix.

IDK — “Pinot Noir” Feat. Saucy Santana and Jucee Froot

Of IDK’s new album F65 as a whole, Uproxx’s Aaron Williams notes it has everything “from high-speed battle rap to soulfully meandering introspection.” “Pinot Noir” is a highlight, as it sees IDK team up with Saucy Santana and Jucee Froot on the jazzy, head-bobbing track.

Armani White — “Billie Eilish Legends Mix” Feat. Ludacris, Busta Rhymes, and N.O.R.E.

For the past few months now, White has been riding the wave of his viral hit “Billie Eilish.” He just added a new dimension to the track by getting some icons on the “Legends Mix,” which features Ludacris, Busta Rhymes, and N.O.R.E.

Gayle — “Don’t Call Me Pretty”

On “Don’t Call Me Pretty,” Gayle is done putting up with compliments from people who don’t have the best intentions, as she sings on the rocking chorus, “I don’t wanna be pretty to you / I don’t wanna be nice / I don’t wanna be the girl who kept you warm for a night.”

Destroy Lonely — “How U Feel?

Destroy Lonely is an exciting up-and-comer who generated some attention with his TikTok hit “If Looks Could Kill.” His album of the same name is out now and it opens with “How U Feel?,” a blend of grunge and hip-hop that sets a heavy mood.

Fred Again.. and Brian Eno — “I Saw You”

Times are good for Fred Again..: He’s fresh off a huge Coachella performance, and now he’s just released Secret Life, a new album with ambient and production icon Brian Eno. Eno’s a big Fred fan, as he recently wrote, “I’ve known Fred since he was 15 and even then it was clear he had an extraordinary musical talent – and a sweet nature too. That sweetness runs through everything he touches.”

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

The Succession Report Card is a weekly recap feature where we attempt to assign grades to the important people, things, and themes from each episode of Succession. The grades are entirely subjective and the criteria for scoring will change from week to week and occasionally mid-week. Someone might get detention. It’ll probably be Roman.

SEASON 4, EPISODE 7 – “Tailgate Party”

Shiv

Shiv is in trouble, man. She hitched her future to Matsson after her brothers squeezed her out of the leadership of the family business. She responded by going behind their backs to work with Matsson to hose them, presumably to get some high-ranking position in the GoJo-led new operation, which has now backfired on her due to the revelation that Matsson’s numbers are all screwy and he might be flakier than anyone imagined. And her brief and torrid reconciliation with Tom ended in dramatic fashion, with the two of them shouting mostly true things at each other on a balcony while a bunch of powerful people mingled inside their home.

Shiv is staring down a situation where she has no family, no job, and no husband. And she’s secretly pregnant, too. It’s not going great.

GRADE: F

MUST IMPROVE: Let’s just go with general “life choices” here

Cousin Greg

Uggggghhhhhhhhhh.

I used to love this lanky goofball so much. Now he’s taking pleasure in firing people and becoming a goon of the highest order and I would not be heartbroken to see someone crack him really hard in the back with a shovel. I don’t love any of it. It’s like watching Walter White go from chemistry teacher to meth kingpin but without any of the competence.

GRADE: F

MUST IMPROVE: Maybe the shovel-whacking would help, actually? I don’t know. I’m in shambles over here.

Hosting a party, generally

Hosting a party seems fun. “Oh, we’ll have people over. It’ll be a hoot,” you think, naively. But then it starts getting late and people are getting too comfortable on your couch and making a mess in the kitchen that you’ll have to clean up and they’re touching all your stuff and JUST GO HOME ALREADY, GOD, COME ON.

Not worth it. Being a guest is better than being a host, every time, even in a best-case scenario that doesn’t involve years of resentment in your marriage bubbling over just outside of your guests’ earshot. You will never convince me otherwise. Do not come to my house. Please invite me to yours, though.

GRADE: F

MUST IMPROVE: I SAID JUST GO HOME

Roman

Wellllllll Roman tried to convince Connor to drop out of the election and ended up shouting at Willa a little and it all backfired.

Aaaaaand the thing with Gerri is going to cost the company he’s now co-CEO of many millions of dollars.

Aaaaaaaaaand Kendall and Shiv are both sneaking around in the shadows trying to do big solo things that would cut him out a little in separate and opposite ways.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I don’t actually have a fourth thing but I got a little carried away with the bit so here we are.

GRADE: D

MUST IMPROVE: It’s too late now but it would really be great if he stopped sending pictures of his privates to people who can use them as leverage in a massive payout after he fired them on a whim

Matsson

Matsson is:

• Showing up late to parties he was barely invited to
• Goosing his own numbers in a way that would require a second entire India to be legit
• Trying to cover up that second thing by buying a massive media conglomerate as fast as possible

He should get an F. He really should. But I liked his shiny gold jacket a lot so I slid him up into this section. I don’t have to explain myself to any of you.

GRADE: D

MUST IMPROVE: Numbers

Nate

Nate got invited to a fancy party in the home of a couple he slipped between romantically and then got pitched on political stuff by America’s Least Subtle Boy until it got uncomfortable and then he had to slink out after word leaked that a political operative was sipping champagne with the enemy in a swanky high-rise, basically confirming everything anyone has ever suspected or feared about the one percent’s influence on global affairs.

Nate has some thinking to do.

GRADE: D

MUST IMPROVE: Comfort with the tenor of conversations

Rava

The interesting thing here is that Rava had an A on my first draft of this whole Report Card. I just liked that she yelled at Kendall and kind of accurately pointed out that the reason their children — the ones he isn’t calling on the phone and barely exist on the show because their dad is doing BIG DEALS on SIX CONTINENTS to MAKE THE WORLD SAFE (lol) —are getting bullied at school is because he runs a crappy racist organization that a lot of people hate. But then I thought about it some more and realized… I mean, it’s never a good day when you have to shout at your deadbeat dipshit billionaire ex on a sidewalk and then march off while he’s yelling about global safety. I imagine she sighs a lot.

GRADE: D

MUST IMPROVE: Selecting romantic partners

Tom

Tom is very tired. He’s so tired. He’s just been up a lot for various reasons, some related to a marathon of intercourse with the wife he reconciled with, some related to preparing for the big fancy party at his home with all the wines and snacks and such, and he’s just so, so tired. And the problem with being tired is that it can make you edgy. Maybe a little cranky. Sometimes it can wear down the defenses you’ve worked so hard to keep rigidly erected around you that you, to choose an example at random, unload about a decade of not-entirely-unjustified resentment in a single five-minute argument with your wife on the balcony of the gorgeous Manhattan townhouse where she has just discovered that the eccentric Swedish billionaire she’s been working with to screw over her idiot brothers has some funky numbers in his books that could maybe blow up the deal and leave her without a job or a family or a liferaft at all. We’ve all been there.

It’s funny to think about how much different this episode would have been if Tom had taken a 45-minute nap in the afternoon.

GRADE: C

MUST IMPROVE: I don’t know, man… maybe don’t give your wife a scorpion as a gift

Kendall

I have no clue why I’m giving Kendall a C. He’s shouting about continents on the street as a defense to why he’s a crappy father. He’s riding a little too high after that big speech about maybe helping people live forever. He’s getting into passive-aggressive arguments with Swedish billionaires inside his sister’s house. He’s somehow talked himself into a kind of reverse judo maneuver where he wants to buy Matsson’s company now, which is maybe the most hilariously Kendall thing I’ve ever heard.

I think I might just be giving him a C because I bought into his mania a little bit, against truly staggering odds. I should give myself a D for this.

GRADE: C

MUST IMPROVE: Settle down, guy

Connor

I find myself liking Connor more and more every week, which is weird. He’s as dumb and useless as a puddle of melted ice cream and I suspect any aspect of his doomed presidential platform would make me groan and/or puke. But he’s somehow ended up being the most mature of the Roy children about Logan’s death. I know saying “the most mature of the Roy children” is kind of like saying “the least nauseating rotten egg” but still. It’s progress for him. And he didn’t get strong-armed into taking an ambassadorship in some far-flung country he would not enjoy. These are all very minor victories but Connor so rarely gets to be victorious at anything that it feels like a big deal. Good for him.

GRADE: C

MUST IMPROVE: Let’s just take the passing grade here

Various Karls, Frank, and Karolina

Frank was the only member of this brain trust that was prominently featured at the party and he got pulled into a room and pitched on a plot that involves Kendall flip-flopping on Matsson and trying to fold GoJo into WayStar with Kendall as the mastermind of it all, and I suspect every part of everything I typed before that comma made and continues to make Frank very uncomfortable. And poking holes in the sale also pokes holes into various golden parachutes, which is not great. Please stop here and get a real good mental image of Frank explaining this to Karl at some point in the future. Picture Karl’s face.

So, that said, why did this entire group slide up into the B range? Simple: Because I did not see Karl at all, which leaves open the possibility that he spent the whole night at home on his couch watching The Fugitive with a glass of scotch in his hand. I want this for him.

GRADE: B

MUST IMPROVE: Getting out, once and for all

Willa

The best-case scenario for Willa in all of this is that Connor gets cooked in the election and gets so turned off by the whole process that he leaves politics behind and settles into a nice quiet life as a rich dope who never has diplomatic duties to attend to in assorted countries on the other side of the world, so let’s go ahead and call this one a win for her.

GRADE: B

MUST IMPROVE: I would have laughed a lot if she had stood up and smacked Roman in the mouth when he told her to be quiet

Ebba

It’s fun to remember that Ebba is doing this because her boss sent her a lot of his own blood as a form of sexual harassment. That’s why she’s blowing up the deal and spilling the beans about India. I mean, there are other reasons, too. Matsson is an all-time weirdo and not someone you’d wanna hang out with for more than, like, 30-40 minutes total. The blood thing is a symptom of a larger disease. But that’s the main thing. I still want to see her explain this in a tell-all primetime interview or maybe in front of Congress. Or maybe I just want her to sign an NDA with a massive check attached to it and go buy a little island somewhere.

I like Ebba. I want her and Jess Jordan to sit down and tell each other war stories about their man-child bosses.

GRADE: B

MUST IMPROVE: She needs to talk to Gerri, too, for names of lawyers if nothing else

Coffee, generally

Coffee is:

• Delicious
• Great at waking you up in the morning
• A good excuse to get together with someone without the commitment of a whole dinner
• Absolutely ruinous personally and professionally if you drink it too much at once or too late in the day

In conclusion, coffee is a land of contrasts.

GRADE: B+

MUST IMPROVE: Jitters

Oskar

ON ONE HAND: I… I think I’m supposed to hate him? He’s a big loud idiot and he’s a bully and he works with and for a guy who likes to do Holocaust tweets and fudge important business numbers. None of which is great.

ON THE OTHER HAND: He showed up to a party full of powerful people that he was barely invited to and promptly started vaping and calling people dingleberries all while maybe blitzed on psychedelics.

I love Oskar. I think it’s the beard.

GRADE: A

MUST IMPROVE: I don’t see where I have any right to tell this man how to live

Gerri

Gerri is:

• Showing up to parties out of spite
• Lawyered up
• Demanding hundreds of millions of dollars in hush money to stay silent about the very many unsolicited penis pictures the new co-CEO of Waystar RoyCo sent her before firing her on a whim within days of acquiring any sort of authority

I hope Gerri buys an island, too.

GRADE: A

MUST IMPROVE: Gerri is doing pretty great but it does not seem like she has had a lot of luck in love and I hope she finds happiness

The transition from Greg laying off a bunch of people straight into Tom talking about the fancy wines they’re going to drink at their big stupid party

I mean, there’s razor-sharp satire and then there’s “the most incompetent nepo baby alive fires hundreds of people via video chat followed by a smash-cut to wine chat at a party for powerful billionaires who have their entire fists pressed into the levers of power.” Pretty good show we have here.

GRADE: A

MUST IMPROVE: We could probably sneak the Curb Your Enthusiasm music into sucker somewhere, but that’s just nitpicking