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The ‘Succession’ Report Card: Birthday Parties And Backroom Deals

The Succession Report Card is a weekly recap feature where we attempt to assign grades to the important people, things, and themes from each episode of Succession. The grades are entirely subjective and the criteria for scoring will change from week to week and occasionally mid-week. Someone might get detention. It’ll probably be Roman.

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UPROXX

Willa

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HBO

Willa gets an F only because I think she’s just now really, truly realized what she is getting herself into and she is not having any fun about it, which stinks because I like Willa. Her dipshit fiancé is at one percent and falling in the polls and he wants to have a wedding with a brass band and bum fights and razzmatazz and the faces she’s making while he says these things out loud are the faces of a woman who is seriously considering chewing off her own leg to get out of a bear trap. It’s not going great.

GRADE: F

MUST IMPROVE: Life choices, wedding planning

Connor

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HBO

I know I just mentioned it in the section on Willa, but look what is going on with this goof:

  • Is polling at one percent
  • His competitors are “squeezing” that percent, attempting to peel off the sad souls that have hitched their wagons to a horse that was never going anywhere but the glue factory
  • He’s thinking about spending $100 million just so he doesn’t get extra super embarrassed by finishing in the decimals

The smartest people on this entire show are the sometimes unseen consultants and advisors who fleece these idiots for their money. Everyone with their hand in Connor’s pocket during this election is a hero to me. Good for them.

GRADE: F

MUST IMPROVE: [sighs deeply]

Tom

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HBO
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Tom is currently the man in the company whose job it is to deliver hard news to and from his boss, who is also about to be his ex-father-in-law on account of the thing where his wife is finally calling off the marriage and kicking off the divorce after running around and telling borderline strangers it was going to happen first as part of a business negotiation. The only thing he has left in his life, the only sliver of power and control, is mocking and belittling Greg, who is also his only friend.

The man is desperately clinging to almost nothing. I suspect he spends a lot of the moments we don’t see him just staring out windows. Could be going better.

GRADE: F

MUST IMPROVE: I feel like Tom might be in a better place mentally if he went to a driving range once a week and smashed about 100 golf balls as far as he can

Turnips, generally

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HBO

The thing about turnips is that it’s rarely a good thing when you hear the word in conversation. It’s usually, like this week, saying someone “fell off the turnip truck” to imply they’re some naive rube, or apparently, because this was the first time I’ve heard it, “twist my turnips” to imply someone is grasping your balls and turning them, which doesn’t sound too hot either. It’s almost never “hell yeah, dude, look at those turnips” or “this dish could use a little more turnip” or something even reasonably positive. The turnip industry has really dropped the ball on the marketing. At this point, they might just need to change the name and start fresh. Call them Carrot Bulbs or something. That’s not a great suggestion but it is a free one.

GRADE: F

MUST IMPROVE: Public relations and flavor

The Hundreds

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HBO

Rest in peace to the indispensable bespoke hub that was going to cover Israel-Palestine and artificial intelligence while being Substack meets MasterClass meets The Economist meets The New Yorker. God, I wish this website and/or app really existed. My hatred of it would have fueled me for hours at a time between cups of coffee.

Also:

This show really gets the little things so incredibly correct almost all the time. There are so many that I don’t even want to try to list them all because I’d be typing until tomorrow.

GRADE: F

MUST IMPROVE: Existing

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UPROXX

Logan

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HBO

Logan is:

  • Having a terrible time at his birthday party
  • Grumbling more than usual
  • Demanding his underlings tell jokes and roast him and then whipping off comebacks that aren’t so much funny as they are horribly mean
  • Escaping to diners with his security staff and having long one-sided conversations about what people are and are not that reveal a deeply depressing worldview
  • Losing out on acquisitions to his idiot children, who he calls rats and who spent his birthday party trying to ruin him from a scenic villa on the other side of the country
  • Watching the news channel he owns and built an empire around alone in his house and calling network executives late at night to shout about the coverage in a way that implies that it is dawning on him that this sale will leave him with no family and no business and a big gaping hole in his life that he has no clue how to fill

Other than that, hunky dory.

GRADE: D-

MUST IMPROVE: Party etiquette

Kendall

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Sometimes I feel like everything about Kendall worth saying has already been said and then he just very casually says things like “I’ve smoked horse” as part of a business discussion and, blammo, I’m back in.

Kendall, Shiv, and Roman are all broken in such separate and distinct ways and watching them try to do any sort of venture together is like watching a train barrel toward a cliff. Why would the train tracks lead the train toward and eventually off the cliff? Why would anyone plan things that way when they could have laid the tracks anywhere? Doesn’t this seem like a failure of planning and execution?

Great questions. And exactly the point.

GRADE: D

MUST IMPROVE: I want to say “business sense” here but I feel like that is just putting Neosporin on a cannonball wound

Shiv

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HBO

Shiv is tricky because you’ll watch her operate a little bit and think for a second that she’s the most competent one of the group and then she’ll go ahead and toss multiple billions of dollars into a fire while negotiating against herself and the general idea of her father. She is saying “I’m fine” and “it’s fine” out loud kind of a lot, which is not usually a sign of someone doing fine. Her marriage is over and she’s lashing out a little bit. A D might be generous here. Shiv is doing real, real bad.

GRADE: D

MUST IMPROVE: Snaking

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UPROXX

Cousin Greg

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HBO

ON ONE HAND: I am so disappointed in what my sweet boy has become. He got that haircut last season and it’s all gone to hell since then, with him sucking up to Logan and embracing the worst of the entitlement issues people on this show have and bringing dates from various apps to high-society functions and rummaging to fruition with them in the bathroom like the Disgusting Brother he so desperately wants to be. Sometimes I think I hate him a little bit now.

ON THE OTHER HAND: I still smile a lot every time he is on screen. I can’t help it. I love this doofus.

GRADE: C-

MUST IMPROVE: Romantic entanglements

Various Karls and Franks

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HBO

I know this is the last season and there isn’t much time to wander off the main story thoroughfares but: I think I would really enjoy a standalone episode where these two go on a business trip together and end up sharing a hotel room in, like, Minnesota.

GRADE: C

MUST IMPROVE: Telling jokes

Colin the Security Man

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Poor Colin.

GRADE: C

MUST IMPROVE: I mean, being a goon who does dirty work for one of the worst people alive? This one is hard. I should hate him more but I don’t see that happening for a while.

Kerry

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HBO

Logan’s friend/assistant/advisor spent a solid chunk of this episode as a messenger between her new boyfriend and the grown children who hate him and demean her about it all. She would have gotten a much worse grade if not for the thing where sometimes she makes a face that tells you she knows none of this a great situation but she’s in too deep now. I would like to know what she talks to her therapist about.

GRADE: C+

MUST IMPROVE: Negotiating calls and texts

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Bridget from the apps

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HBO

Bridget:

  • Got to go to a fancy party at a billionaire’s house on a first date
  • Absolutely housed some canapés
  • Had a little bathroom fling with a lanky goofball
  • Came out of all this with a killer story she can tell new friends and acquaintances for many decades

Good for her.

GRADE: B

MUST IMPROVE: Selfie etiquette

Roman

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HBO

One of the things I like most about this show is Roman actually being the sibling with the most business savvy and humanity but having so little confidence about it that he gets steamrolled and undercuts himself before anyone stops to realize it. Watch him kick the bankers out of the room so they can talk to Shiv after her phone call with Tom about Naomi Pierce. Watch him be the only one to recognize that tossing $500 million dollars onto a bid just to make it a round number is both insane and stupid. There might actually be a real person in there under all those layers of sniveling and self-loathing.

We are now officially rooting for Roman. I know this is weird. I suspect he will ruin it next week. But here we are.

GRADE: B

MUST IMPROVE: I’m going to say “having a backbone” here but that’s barely scratching the surface

Gerri

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HBO
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HBO

The smartest thing anyone did in this entire episode: Gerri just walking away while Frank and Karl were hemming and hawing about who was more suited to deliver bad news to Logan. They weren’t going to chase her. They’re too conflict-averse for that. These are survival skills honed over many years of living in a snake pit. Let the other suckers get wrapped up and swallowed whelks until the snakes aren’t hungry anymore. It’s a good strategy.

GRADE: B+

MUST IMPROVE: Part of me hopes that by the season finale Gerri has left this life and started flipping houses or running a food truck or something.

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UPROXX

Tellis the Banker

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HBO

I meant what I said earlier about the people with their hands in the Roy family’s pockets. This dude is a creepy vulture who works for a soulless financial institution that exists to move money from one billionaire’s bank account to another billionaire’s bank account. There is almost no other world where I have anything but disdain for this man. But here, on this show, given the people he’s working with and billing upwards of eight figures to for the most basic and worthless business advice you could ever imagine… I don’t know. There’s a begrudging respect here. Real “in the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king” situation.

GRADE: A

MUST IMPROVE: I would like to see him in one of Kendall’s stupid black hats

Mondale the Dog

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He’s a good boy.

GRADE: A

MUST IMPROVE: Time on screen

Nan Pierce

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Nan is a shark in a goldfish tank. She squeezed an extra $3 billion out of this family — Logan’s soft offer was $7 billion, the kids gave her 10 — just by playing naive. “Oh, I just hate this” she says while doing it like a champion. “Everyone is saying numbers” she says while then saying two numbers herself that are both higher than her best offer and imply even that’s not enough. She and Logan are flip sides of the same coin, not so different, two old warriors who built and/or ran things and are ready to get out right after they squeeze a few more nickels out of the people stupid enough to think they are smarter than them. The woman did everything other than wink directly into the camera about it all during that negotiation. I’m very proud of her. I want to see her run her fancy wine business a little. Maybe a lot. Maybe as a whole spinoff.

GRADE: A

MUST IMPROVE: Peasant tastes

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The Best French White Wines Under $20, Ranked

Like peanut butter and jelly, France and white wine were simply made for each other. From crisp, high-acid Sauvignon Blanc to age-worthy White Burgundy, France’s white wine production spans a plethora of grape varieties and styles. French wine — whether red, white, or sparkling — can also be found at basically every price point, from bottom-of-the-barrel jug wine all the way up to coveted auction house gems that garner the highest profits in the world.

Today, we’re focusing on the former — or at least skewing much more in that direction — with wines under $20. As always, we’ll reinforce that not all budget-friendly wine is created equal. In fact, most of it is made pretty poorly. When seeking out affordable bottles, we recommend sticking with those produced from responsibly-farmed fruit (organic, biodynamic, or sustainable) to start. To find this information, simply do a quick check on the producer’s (or their importer’s) website to see what’s going on.

Read on to read our ranking of 10 of the best French white wines to be found under the $20 price point. Select a few, or even better, build a case and try ‘em all.

10. Anne Pichon Sauvage Viognier 2021

French White Winess Under $20
Kingston Wine Co.

ABV: 13.5%
Region: Rhône Valley, France
Price: $19.99

The Wine:

Anne Pichon and her late husband Marc Pichon moved to the southern base of Mont Ventoux during the late 1990s. Today, Anne and her sister-in-law, Véronique, farm 15 hectares of vines all organically, with a focus on producing ripe, fruit-forward wines that speak to the place from which they come.

Tasting Notes:

Classic to Viognier, this wine is all things stone fruit, canned peaches, and apricot, with hints of honeysuckle, tangerine, and white flower blossoms. The Pichons vinify this wine entirely in steel (no oak), so as to preserve the wine’s juicy flavors and natural acidity.

The Bottom Line:

Viognier-based wines aren’t for the faint of heart. They’re full-bodied, flavor-packed, and have some serious punch. If this sounds up your alley, then Anne Pichon’s expression is a great place to start.

9. Souleil Vin de Bonté Le Blanc 2020

French White Winess Under $20
Convive Wine

ABV: 13%
Region: Languedoc, France
Price: $18

The Wine:

Founded by longtime friends Marianne Fabre-Lanvin and Thomas Delaude, who grew up surfing and shucking shellfish in the sunny south of France together, Souleil embodies the style of wine that the two love to drink: fresh and food-friendly, yet easy to enjoy during at-home happy hours on its own.

Tasting Notes:

Bright and refreshing, Le Blanc jumps with flavors of pineapple, tropical fruits, and orange blossom, marked by a long, saline-driven finish. Enjoy on its own or with salty shellfish, cheese boards, or Macona almonds. Fun fact: Souleil means sun in ancient French, and bonté means goodness—upon first sip, that’ll all make sense.

The Bottom Line:

Many budget-friendly whites from the south of France tend to be richer, lower in acid, and lack structure—not this wine. Expect all things saline, acid, and coastal influence here; like sunshine in a glass. Added bonus: A portion of all of Souleil’s proceeds go to ocean restoration.

8. Les Deux Moulins Sauvignon Blanc 2020

French White Winess Under $20
Vivino

ABV: 11.5%
Region: Loire Valley, France
Price: $13.99

The Wine:

Les Deux Moulins is a sustainability-focused company that produces budget-friendly wines from the Loire Valley’s signature grapes. The white cuvée is 100% Sauvignon Blanc, while the red is 100% Pinot Noir. Fruit for this cuvée comes from gravelly soils between the subregions of Anjou and Saumur.

Tasting Notes:

Flinty and citrus-driven, this refreshing wine shows flavors of grapefruit, lemon, green apple skin, and crushed rocks. Pair with a warm goat cheese salad and relive your best bistro-inspired life.

The Bottom Line:

The Loire Valley’s most famous expressions of Sauvignon Blanc hail from Sancerre, though they’ll cost you quite a bit. For more budget-friendly expressions, look to those produced in Touraine and other more westerly areas for similar, lower-priced options.

7. Font-Mars Picpoul de Pinet

French White Winess Under $20
Vivino

ABV: 13%
Region: Languedoc, France
Price: $14

The Wine:

Picpoul de Pinet wines are known for their zippy acidity and lingering finishes, as well as their very accessible price tags. Font-Mars’ expression ticks all of our boxes, plus, it’s produced from sustainably-farmed fruit.

Tasting Notes:

Picpoul de Pinet is the appellation, but the grape is actually called Piquepoul, which loosely translates to lip stinger. Truthfully, the wine is just that—acid, acid, and more acid. Expect flavors of lemon, green apple skin, dried herbs, and crushed oyster shell.

The Bottom Line:

If you love high-acid French whites like Muscadet and Sancerre, Picpoul de Pinet is a great budget-friendly alternative. Look for the signature tall, green bottles and get the party started.

6. Leon Manbach Riesling ‘Granite’ 2021

French White Winess Under $20
Astor Wines & Spirits

Region: Alsace, France
Price: $14.96

The Wine:

Old vines, organic farming, and granite-based soils are the foundations of this world-class Riesling, and if you’re looking for a bottle to change your mind about the grape, this bone-dry expression is totally it.

Tasting Notes:

Contrary to the sweet stereotypes that Riesling often gets pigeonholed into, this zingy, dry expression from Leon Manbach is all things lemon-lime, grapefruit rind, crushed stones, and coarse sea salt.

The Bottom Line:

Not all Riesling is sweet, and this bone-dry bottle from Granite is a great pick to break all of your preconceived notions about the variety. Seriously, it’s like lightning in a bottle.

5. Domaine du Haut Bourg Muscadet Cotes de Grandlieu Sur Lie 2021

French White Winess Under $20
Vivino

ABV: 12%
Region: Loire Valley, France
Price: $15.99

The Wine:

Muscadet is known for its bright, refreshing, and salty flavor profiles, and Domaine du Haut Bourg’s perfectly embodies all of those things. This wine is produced from 60 to 80-year-old vines, which yield smaller amounts of high-quality, concentrated fruit.

Tasting Notes:

Think of this like tasty ocean water in the best way possible—salt, lemon, wet stones, and crushed oyster shell. Pour a glass for an instant mental escape to the craggy French coastline (and grab some freshly shucked oysters for the ride).

The Bottom Line:

Muscadet is the perfect happy hour wine—it’s affordable, it’s high acid, and it’s an all-around crowd-pleaser. You really can’t go wrong here.

4. Jean-Paul Brun Terres Dorées Chardonnay Beaujolais Blanc

French White Winess Under $20
Gramercy Wine and Spirits

ABV: 13%
Region: Beaujolais, France
Price: $13.99

The Wine:

Jean-Paul Brun is a Beaujolais legend, especially in the very small white winemaking world. Unlike those based in the more famous crus, Brung got his start in the southerly Terres Dorées, then eventually moved his way up to the bigger appellations. Today, his estate spans 45 hectares in total.

Tasting Notes:

This unique bottle of Beaujolais Blanc is juicy, medium-bodied, and laden with flavors of yellow apple, lemon curd, and hints of citrus. The wine is unoaked, which allows its fruit flavors to be the star of the show.

The Bottom Line:

Beaujolais is generally known for its red wines, though a minuscule amount of white, like this tasty bottle from Jean-Paul Brun, is made. For something tasty and unique, this bottle’s your answer.

3. Domaine du Pas St. Martin Saumur Blanc ‘Pierres Frites’

French White Winess Under $20
Vivino

ABV: 13%
Region: Loire Valley, France
Price: $17

The Wine:

This varietal Chenin Blanc is produced at the hands of Laurent Charrier, who took the reins at his family estate back in 1994. An early adopter of organic farming, the winery received certification back in 1997, far before this style of farming was popular. His Saumur Blanc is vinified in steel to maintain the wine’s freshness. Fun fact: In 2012, the winery received an award (Eco-Trophée) from the local Parc National for their pioneering work in environmentally-friendly viticulture and vinification.

Tasting Notes:

Medium-bodied and bright, this palate-coating wine exudes flavors of pear, honeyed stone fruit, freshly sliced apple, and a touch of toast.

The Bottom Line:

In terms of quality-to-price ratio regions, the Loire Valley is probably France’s best. However, remember that the area’s three sub-regions are home to different signature white varieties: to the west, Melon de Bourgogne (Muscadet), in the center, Chenin Blanc (Anjou, Saumur), and to the east, Sauvignon Blanc (Sancerre and Pouilly-Fumé).

2. Jean-Francois Quenard Chignin 2021

French White Winess Under $20
Vivino

ABV: 11.5%
Region: Savoie, France
Price: $18

The Wine:

For Alpine-influenced wines that can go to the limits with cheese and hearty chalet-inspired food, look no further than bottles from Savoie. The high acidity in these wines promises to cut through even the most savory of foods, yet they also taste delicious on their own.

Tasting Notes:

This 100% Jacquère comes from 40-year-old vines and is vinified in steel. On the palate, the wine is all things citrus, white pepper, and crushed stones. Refreshing as hell.

The Bottom Line:

Due to the fact that they live in the shadows of their more popular neighbors, off-the-beaten-path regions are home to a ton of hidden gem producers/bottles. Savoie is no exception.

1. Famille Paquet Bourgogne Blanc 2020

French White Winess Under $20
Union Square Wines

ABV: 12.5%
Region: Burgundy, France
Price: $15.97

The Wine:

The fact that this wine exists for this price is simply bonkers. Most sub-$20 White Burgundy comes from big-box brands, but the modest Paquet estate is the exact opposite. Rooted in the Maconnais, the family organically farms all of their vines, which are scattered across a handful of appellations.

Tasting Notes:

Everything you want from White Burgundy, with the unbelievable price tag being the cherry on top—ripe yellow apple, lemon cream, citrus, and a touch of pillowy brioche. Simply delightful.

The Bottom Line:

Steer clear of 90% of sub-$20 White Burgundy. Bottles like this are a serious exception—and nothing short of diamonds in the rough.

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Harry Styles Called Emily Ratajkowski His ‘Celebrity Crush’ In A Video From His One Direction Days

Harry Styles and Emily Ratajkowski blew up the internet this weekend: The two were spotted together in Tokyo, kissing in the street, which of course sparked dating rumors. It seems now that Styles from nine years ago would be proud of Styles today, as a throwback interview clip from the One Direction days that has resurfaced in light of the Ratajkowski situation would suggest.

In a 2014 interview with Telehit (as E! notes), Styles, Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson, and Liam Payne were asked for their celebrity crush (at 4:53 into the video below). They all named some options and Styles chimed in, “Emily Ratajkowski from, uh… Gone Girl.”

Around the time of that interview, Ratajkowski’s career and public profile were starting to take off in a big way: Gone Girl was her first major movie role after she made headlines for her appearance in Robin Thicke’s now-infamous NSFW “Blurred Lines” video in 2013. In her recent memoir My Body, Ratajkowski alleged of a moment from working on the video, “Suddenly, out of nowhere, I felt the coolness and foreignness of a stranger’s hands cupping my bare breasts from behind. I instinctively moved away, looking back at Robin Thicke.”

In recent months, Styles has been romantically linked with Olivia Wilde while Ratajkowski was spending time with Eric Andre.

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Jeremy Renner Took To Social Media To Update Fans On His Progress And Post A New Video Of His Recovery

Jeremy Renner continues to update fans on his recovery, and the actor is making incredible progress after being crushed by a snow plow in a freak accident at the start of the year. In his latest Instagram Story, the Hawkeye actor is using an anti-gravity treadmill, which is helping him recover movement in his legs and get him back on his feet.

Via The Hollywood Reporter:

The machine allows for users to walk with less stress on the lower body joints and muscles. The actor confirmed he was able to do the “walking motion,” but with a lower percentage of his body weight, thanks to the treadmill.

He wrote in the post, “Now is the time for my body to rest and recover from my will.”

You can see a screenshot of Renner’s recovery workout below:

Jeremy Renner Anti-Gravity Treadmill
Instagram

Renner also recently revealed that the snow plow involved in the accident has been returned home. The vehicle reportedly had a police escort back to Renner’s home, which the actor said “feels like the Green mile!”

According to police, Renner was crushed underneath the snow plow when he saw it starting to roll forward toward his nephew. The actor attempted to “divert” the machine, but instead, suffered severe injuries including 30 broken bones. As for why the plow rolled, police believe the parking brake wasn’t properly applied.

“Although the PistenBully had some mechanical issues, it is believed based on our mechanical inspection that the parking brake would keep the PistenBully from moving forward,” the Sheriff’s department wrote.

(Via The Hollywood Reporter)

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Kelly Clarkson Announced Her Upcoming ‘Chemistry’ Las Vegas Residency To Accompany Her 10th Studio Album

It looks like new Kelly Clarkson music is finally on the way. Yesterday (March 26), the inaugural American Idol winner took to Instagram to announce her 10th studio album, Chemistry. Today, she revealed to Billboard that she will launch a 10-night Las Vegas residency to accompany the album.

The Chemistry residency will kick off in July at the Bakkt Theater. Though Clarkson has kept the details rather mum, she told Billboard that she will be joined by a full live band, and each night will be different.

“We’re calling it an intimate night and I don’t want to give it away,” she said. “There will be different elements every night and every show is not going to be the same. We will have the audience participate and I will talk to the audience because now I’m on a talk show and I’m used to engaging. It’s going to be a different kind of show than what people are used to in Vegas.”

Elsewhere in the interview, Clarkson revealed that Chemistry was inspired by her divorce, and promises not to hold back in her new material.

“I’m very honest about everything but also I have to navigate that I’m a mom of two kids that will be affected,” she said. “That is one reason why I chose certain songs for the record.”

You can see the list of dates below.

07/28 — Las Vegas, NV @ Bakkt Theater at Planet Hollywood Las Vegas
07/29 — Las Vegas, NV @ Bakkt Theater at Planet Hollywood Las Vegas
08/02 — Las Vegas, NV @ Bakkt Theater at Planet Hollywood Las Vegas
08/04 — Las Vegas, NV @ Bakkt Theater at Planet Hollywood Las Vegas
08/05 — Las Vegas, NV @ Bakkt Theater at Planet Hollywood Las Vegas
08/09 — Las Vegas, NV @ Bakkt Theater at Planet Hollywood Las Vegas
08/11 — Las Vegas, NV @ Bakkt Theater at Planet Hollywood Las Vegas
08/12 — Las Vegas, NV @ Bakkt Theater at Planet Hollywood Las Vegas
08/18 — Las Vegas, NV @ Bakkt Theater at Planet Hollywood Las Vegas
08/19 — Las Vegas, NV @ Bakkt Theater at Planet Hollywood Las Vegas

Kelly Clarkson is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

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Tom And Greg’s ‘Disgusting’ Nickname For Themselves Is The Only Thing ‘Succession’ Viewers Can Think About

Succession returned with a bang last night — or at least a rummage in the pants. We’ll have a full recap later today, but for now, let’s talk about the Disgusting Brothers. It’s Tom and Greg‘s nicknames for themselves, now that Tom is separated from Shiv (poor Mondale) and Greg is New York City’s most eligible California Pizza Kitchen-loving bachelor.

Greg brings his suspicious date — the owner of a “ludicrously capacious” handbag — to Logan’s birthday party, even though “we’re in the middle of a very hotly contested election, your uncle’s on the brink of a very large sale, and scoping out a very sensitive acquisition,” as Kerry scolds him.

It’s a birthday party, not a “pre-fuck party,” but Greg and Bridget Random-F*ck sneak away to put their hands down each’s other pants. After rummaging to fruition, Greg proudly goes up to his fellow Disgusting Bro, the least sexy name for a sex pact since the Pussy Posse, to tell him all about it. An aghast Tom informs (f*cks with) Greg that he accidentally made a sex tape for Logan, who has cameras “up the wazoo,” and that he needs to confess what happened.

“So how did it go?” Tom asks later in the episode. “He says he finds me disgusting and despicable,” Greg recaps about Logan’s reaction, “but he kind of smiled.” Another victory (?) for the Disgusting Brothers.

“Season four is big for Greg, I would say in that department,” Nicholas Braun told Deadline when asked what to expect from the Beautiful Ichabod Crane Fuck in the final season. “Greg is tested and Greg puts himself forward as a different kind of guy at times this season and he’s more bold than we’ve ever seen him, and strategic. I mean, he’s always been a guy who’s tried to play whatever sides are available to him and he really leans into that this season.”

(Via Deadline)

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Tom And Shiv’s Impending ‘Succession’ Divorce Has Them In A Wreck, While Fans Are Unsure What To Do With Themselves

Who among us (Succession viewers, that is) hasn’t seen (although we may not have wanted to acknowledge it) the split of Shiv and Tom coming? That’s been the case for me since this ^^ Season 2 beach discussion, in which Tom divulged the miserable state of their marriage for him. Heck, I probably should have seen the writing on the wall even before their marriage, or at the latest, upon their vows, when Shiv proposed an open marriage to a less-than-enthused Tom (and that blow stuck with him). Yet the final nails didn’t begin to land in the coffin until the Season 3 finale with Tom’s betrayal of Shiv.

And there is no reconciliation is to be had. The way I see it is this: as with most things involving Shiv, this relationship had always been about how it benefits Shiv, and once it ceased to satisfy that goal, she was pretty much out other than formalities. For sure, the Naomi Pierce and Disgusting Brothers stuff did not help matters. Yet at the end of it all, Tom still wanted to have a real discussion, and some actual emotion from her, but Shiv wouldn’t (and maybe even couldn’t) indulge that desire. She also seemed to expect Tom to keep pushing for her, yet finally, Tom had had enough as well.

The scene where Tom and Shiv held hands and declared that they “gave it a go” may have been too much for some viewers, who still couldn’t help being sad to see this coupling (finally) end.

Will we see Single Shiv hit the dating pool now? I feel like she’s got too much else going on to deal with dating, but I could be wrong!

HBO’s Succession airs on Sunday nights.

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Grimes And Elon Musk’s Daughter Exa Dark Sideræl Apparently Has A New Name Now And It’s Just One Letter

Grimes and Elon Musk have a couple of children together, and both of them have atypical names. Their son is called X AE A-XII Musk and their daughter is Exa Dark Sideræl Musk. It appears now, though, that Exa may actually have a different name.

On March 23, Grimes shared a pair of photos on Twitter: One of Exa with green hair in a red onesie, and another of Grimes rocking a similar look. In a follow-up tweet, Grimes added, “(Normally we post her for her privacy but she’s fairly unrecognizable here since shes channeling Goku or smthn).”

In response to a fan tweet, Grimes noted, “She’s Y now, or ‘Why?’ or just ‘?’ (But the government won’t recognize that). curiosity, the eternal question, .. and such.”

When the baby was revealed back in 2022, Grimes had already been calling her “Y” as a nickname, but based on her new tweet, it appears she and Musk have made “Y” the baby’s legal name. A Vanity Fair profile at the time noted, “Grimes is prepared for Y to dislike her name or get tired of it — Grimes got tired of Claire a long time ago — and if she ever decides to change it, her mother will be first in line to help her choose a new one. She’s already got dozens of ideas. She might even change it herself before this article comes out. In addition to Y, she and Musk occasionally call her Sailor Mars, a nod to the Sailor Moon manga series.”

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‘Yellowjackets’ Fans Were All Kinds Of Nervous About The Dog Situation During The Season Premiere

Yellowjackets has returned to Showtime for Season 2, which is even darker than the first round of episodes. That includes picking back up with Tawny Cypress‘ character, Taissa, who should be properly celebrating her political victory during this second season premiere. As with everything else on this show, however, there are wrinkles to be had, and those complicating factors have to do with the occult happenings that could have been lurking in the woods and sticking with the crash survivors for life.

Lottie, obviously, embraced her so-called “Antler Queen” status, and in this premiere, we find out that she’s been leading a cult. Taissa’s situation, on the other hand, is a bit more nebulous, and she begins the premiere in a discombobulated place for a few reasons. For one thing, the core four recently attended their high school reunion after the dismantling of Shauna’s lover’s body. For another, the audience learned that Taissa has a shrine, complete with the head of the family dog. Granted, we’re not totally sure if Taissa realizes everything that she does, but she did go shopping for a new dog, which she then showed off like it was no big thing. Will this new dog meet the same fate as the last one?

This question had viewers feeling apprehensive as hell: “TAISSA GET AWAY FROM THAT DOG SGSKDHDKDHJ” was only the beginning.

Showtime’s ‘Yellowjackets’ airs on Sunday nights.

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Drake Canceled On Lollapalooza Brasil The Morning Of After Partying At 50 Cent’s Strip Club Event In Miami The Night Before

Drake’s international Lollapalooza sets aren’t going so well. Earlier this month, he cut his Lollapalooza Argentina set short, and this past weekend, he didn’t show up to his Lollapalooza Brasil performance at all.

On the morning of Sunday, March 26 (the day Drake was supposed to perform), a message shared on social media by Lollapalooza Brasil read (as translated via Google Translate), “Due to unforeseen circumstances, Drake is without members of his sound and production team, essential to the realization of the Lollapalooza show in São Paulo. Drake was excited to perform for his fans in Brazil. Unfortunately, this is beyond his control. Sorry.”

The festival tapped Skrillex to headline in Drake’s place and offered refunds if festivalgoers chose not to attend the final day. CNN Brasil notes that Willow, Dominic Fike, Blink-182, Omar Apollo, and 100 Gecs also pulled out of this year’s festival.

Per another CNN Brasil report, a video shared on social media shows Drake at a 50 Cent-led event at Miami’s Booby Trap On The River strip club, happily chatting with 50. This apparently happened hours before Drake canceled on Lollapalooza Brasil; The 50 Cent event was on Saturday night and the festival announced Drake would no longer be performing on Sunday morning. Some on social media also noticed that the jet Drake was set to take to Brazil deviated from its planned route before landing in Miami.

It’s not currently known if Drake’s presence at the party led to his Lolla cancellation, or if he decided to attend the event after it had already been determined he would not be able to perform at the festival.