Weatherman-turned-journalist Al Roker is known for his ability to chat amiably about all sorts of topics — unless the subject happens to be a random man’s erection (or lack thereof). It’s a lesson that Jameela Jamil learned the hard way.
As Decider notes, The Good Place and She-Hulk star dropped by TODAY on Tuesday to talk about her new podcast, Bad Dates. When asked to share a story about some of her own bad dates, Jamil told the crew of co-hosts how she once “Had a man take several steps into my apartment on what was supposed to be my first-ever booty call.” But things did not progress as anticipated.
“He collapsed three steps in and he broke all of his front teeth,” Jamil continued, as the hosts looked on in horror. “They flew across my apartment. He split his chin open and collapsed, and it’s because he misused a drug that excites a man’s sausage.”
This is where Roker clearly became uncomfortable. After staring at the camera, Jim Halpert-style, for an elongated period of time, the host did his best to move the conversation along. “Would you say that if you have the bad dates, it makes you appreciate the good dates,” Roker asked, to which Jamil responded: “100 percent!” But Craig Melvin, Roker’s co-host, wasn’t ready to stop talking about Viagra Man just yet.
“How long was the man out,” he asked — clearly oblivious to Roker’s visible desire to steer the conversation in another direction. Jamil must not have noticed either, as she responded: “It was a while.”
Which is likely how long it will be before Jamil is invited back on as a guest during Roker’s hour.
“Palisades, chillin’ in the shade, might take the Bent,” June coolly raps toward the end of the first verse. “Bettin’ on myself, and every time, n***a, it’s a hit.” Junes passes the flow off to Big Sean, who delivers a spoken interlude: “We off in the Palisades / Bettin’ on myself, every time, n***a, it’s a hit / You know, we talkin’ armed guards, gated communities, man / Royal family-type sh*t.”
Big Sean added on Instagram, “My dawgs @larryjuneftm n @alanthechemist ft. Me song + video ‘PALISADES, CA.’ Sh*t make me wanna count some money n take my vitamins, healthy! GOOD JOB LARRY [orange emoji, fire emoji, Earth emoji].”
“Palisades, CA” is the latest in a string of ambitious and indulgent singles from June and The Alchemist ahead of their collaborative project, The Great Escape. “60 Days,” “’89 Earthquake,” and now, “Palisades, CA” perfectly marry escapist visuals with brutally honest lyrics depicting the harsh journey necessary to bask in such luxuries.
“I show a different side of the city,” June told Uproxx last fall, speaking of his native San Francisco. “I’m from Hunter’s Point. I didn’t see too much of the Pier, or the nice avenues. I’ve never been to Alcatraz. I was just biking and sh*t. Now I’m just showing that a person of my color can do different sh*t. And I definitely belong.”
Trump is probably genuinely worried about finding out what it’s like to be indicted. But as they say, every crisis is an opportunity. (A crisitunity, as Homer Simpson would say.) And so it’s no surprise that after he claimed that this Tuesday would be the day justice would come knocking — it wasn’t, by the way — his supporters would do what they often do: willingly line his pockets. Now we know how much, and the sum is predictably staggering.
As per Mediaite, the Trump campaign bragged to Fox News, the network that has come to his defense after ditching him for Ron DeSantis, that they’d raised a titanic $1.5 million since Saturday, when Trump first expressed alarm. Is it right for a self-professed rich guy to crow about taking cash from fans who might need it for other matters? Probably not. Will they mind? Ditto.
Of course, as we all know Trump wasn’t indicted on Tuesday. The following day he wasn’t either. That hasn’t stopped him from fantasizing about a perp walk that probably won’t happen. After all, authorities surely know that the big guy would use pictures of that even to fundraise and make the party of law and order even more skeptical of enforcement and the justice system. That said, the fact that he hasn’t been publicly paraded about by police hasn’t stopped people from using genuinely dangerous AI technology to make scarily realistic fake images of same.
Jason Isbell And The 400 Unit announced his new album Weathervanes last month, releasing the lead single “Death Wish” as a preview. It looks like he has a lot on his plate this year because he also has an HBO Original documentary on the way called Jason Isbell: Running With Our Eyes Closed.
The documentary is directed by Sam Jones and arrives April 7. A trailer is out today, March 22, serving as a compilation of snippets from Isbell’s public and private life. “When I have a hard day, I can’t just go home and have a drink. There’s no escape for me,” he says, ten years sober.
About music, he says, “Once you write a song, your mind isn’t focused on creating, your mind is focused on re-creating. You can only create something once, and if the tape’s not rolling, you’re just sh*t out of luck.”
Excited to announce @JasonIsbell: Running With Our Eyes Closed, a new @SamJones-directed documentary in the #MusicBoxHBO series. This intimate look at life, love, and perseverance premieres April 7 on @hbomax.
“I have considered it, but I’m gonna need about another ten years of study, and I’d like our kid to be settled into her self before she has to deal with a politician parent,” he responded to a fan on Twitter. “We’ll see if we still have a democracy in a decade.”
Kids, man. I’m not sure of the scientific way audacity is distributed, but kids have a lot of it and somehow make it cute. That audacity overload is especially interesting when you’re the default parent—you know, the parent kids go to for literally everything as if there’s not another fully capable adult in the house. Chances are if your children haven’t sought you out while you were taking a shower so you could open up a pack of fruit snacks, then you’re not the default parental unit.
One parent captured exactly what it’s like to be the default parent and shared it to TikTok, where the video has over 4 million views. Toniann Marchese went on a quick grocery run and *gasp* did not inform her children. Don’t you fret, they’re modern kids who know how to use modern means to get much-needed answers when mom is nowhere to be found. They went outside and rang the doorbell.
Back when we were children, this would’ve done nothing but make the dogs bark, but for Marchese’s kids, who are 3 and 6 years old, it’s as good as a phone call.
You may be questioning why this mom left her two young children home alone. She didn’t. Their father was home, likely wondering why the children were playing so quietly. But. He. Was. Right. There. And the kids still bypassed him to talk to their mom through the Ring doorbell camera. It was pressing business, after all.
“My tablet is dead,” the 3-year-old said.
The kids ignored Marchese’s questions about where their dad was and continued to complain about their tablets. The entire situation is enough to make any default parent chuckle and maybe sob a little.
After only just emerging back into the public eye as the spokesperson for Pepsi’s questionable concoction of milk and cola with the questionable nickname “Pilk,” Lindsay Lohan is in hot water with the SEC over pitching crypto without disclosing that she was paid for the endorsements. She’s also not alone. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Lohan, Jake Paul, Kendra Lust, Soulja Boy, Ne-Yo, Lil Yachty, Akon, and Austin Mahone are all being charged in connection with their endorsements for TRON founder Justin Sun’s crypto companies.
“As alleged in the complaint, Sun and others used an age-old playbook to mislead and harm investors by first offering securities without complying with registration and disclosure requirements and then manipulating the market for those very securities,” said director of the SEC’s Division of Enforcement Gurbir S. Grewal. “At the same time, Sun paid celebrities with millions of social media followers to tout the unregistered offerings, while specifically directing that they not disclose their compensation. This is the very conduct that the federal securities laws were designed to protect against regardless of the labels Sun and others used.”
The celebrities charged, except Soulja Boy and Mahone, have agreed to pay $400,000 and effectively plead no contest to avoid admitting wrongdoing. This isn’t legal advice, but they should all probably fire whoever gave them the legal advice that it’s cool to do paid crypto promotion without telling people (and the SEC) that you got paid.
These cases are different than other celebrity-endorsed-crypto cases in the recent past, including the FTX investors suing their celebrity endorsers for allegedly making crypto investments seem safer than they are. For now, most involved in this crypto flim-flam can chug a warm glass of pilk and be glad it’s all over.
So the new John Wick is pretty long. Nearly a decade ago, the original was an air-tight 96 minutes. Chapter 4 is over an hour longer than that. If that sounds like a long time to be watching an action movie — in a franchise that was simply about a guy avenging his puppy’s death, played by a real-life puppy lover — then get ready to learn it could have been even longer.
In a new interview with IndieWire (in a bit teased out by The AV Club), series director Chad Stahelski talks about its absurd length, which is still not as bad as it could have been. “Our first cut was three hours and 45 minutes, and it felt like three hours and 45 minutes,” he said. “We were like, oh, we’re so screwed.”
Of course, it’s not atypical for all movies to originally be much, much longer than they wind up in final cut. When people talk about “original cuts,” what they usually mean is “assembly cuts,” which are when the editing team puts everything together before whittling it down. All movies have to be whittled down. Sometimes people freak out when they learn movies they love used to be even longer, even petitioning for those cuts to be made public. But trust us, you don’t want to watch assembly cuts. At best, you can simply watch choice deleted scenes on the home video edition.
Still, 169 minutes is pretty long for a movie about a guy shooting people in the head! For some perspective, that’s 11 minutes shorter than Avengers: Endgame and 23 minutes longer than Goodfellas.
Falling in love can be daunting. But falling out of love is even more terrifying. “There is the art of loving, this is the art of forgetting how,” Caroline Rose sings on “Miami,” one of the lead singles which previewed their upcoming album The Art Of Forgetting.
Songs like “Miami” and album opener “Love / Lover / Friend” stand as haunting juxtapositions to Rose’s previous exuberant, tongue-in-cheek LPs such as 2020’s Superstar. Throughout The Art Of Forgetting, Rose trades in blown-out synths for wood and string instruments, documenting their grief, pain, and breakthroughs on 14 tracks. Marking Roses rawest, most emotional work to date, the musician periodically slips loving voicemails from their grandma into their music: “It got me thinking about all the different ways memory shows up throughout our lives,” Rose said in a statement. “It can feel like a curse or be wielded as a tool.”
Ahead of the release of their album The Art Of Forgetting, which is out Friday, Rose sat down with Uproxx to talk, Elon Musk, performing in a bull fighting ring, and embarrassing tattoos in our latest Q&A.
What are four words you would use to describe your music?
You are probably asking for adjectives but this is what I say…”Miniature dark comedy soundtracks.”
It’s 2050 and the world hasn’t ended and people are still listening to your music. How would you like it to be remembered?
Come on, you and I both know humanity’s not gonna make it that far.
What’s your favorite city in the world to perform?
Given we pretty much only see the inside of the venue every night, that is basically impossible to answer, but one time we played a show in a bullfighting ring in Fitero, Spain and that was the most memorable show of my life. I’ve never ate so well nor partied so hard in my life.
Who’s the person who has most inspired your work, and why?
I would say the Spanish director Pedro Almodóvar has most inspired my work. He somehow fused camp, melodrama, and color with gore, passion and the grotesque. An artist truly ahead of his time in every way.
Where did you eat the best meal of your life?
Best meal of my life is my mom’s enchiladas.
What album do you know every word to?
I am currently trying to forget every John Mayer lyric ever written so I can have some space for new material in my brain.
What was the best concert you’ve ever attended?
Another impossible question to answer but I remember being really blown away by Tame Impala’s light show when we saw them at ACL a few years ago.
What is the best outfit for performing and why?
The best outfit for performing is definitely something long sleeve with lots of layers and is completely unbreathable.
Who’s your favorite person to follow on Twitter and/or Instagram?
I don’t use Twitter but my favorite person to follow on that would be Elon Musk because Lord knows what he’ll say next!
What’s your most frequently played song in the van on tour?
The most played song is actually a podcast. We play it for every new person who sits in the van for at least 6 hours… And that podcast is Dirty John.
What’s the last thing you Googled?
“Zac Efron shirtless”
What album makes for the perfect gift?
Any of Swamp Dogg’s albums. His demographic is all of humanity.
Where’s the weirdest place you’ve ever crashed while on tour?
One time I slept on someone’s bean bag chair and woke up with a dirty thong on my foot.
What’s the story behind your first or favorite tattoo?
I’m too embarrassed to tell you.
What artists keep you from flipping the channel on the radio?
I’ll pretty much listen to anything that doesn’t have the lyrics “red dirt road” in it.
What’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?
Brought me coffee in bed.
What’s one piece of advice you’d go back in time to give to your 18-year-old self?
Tell Jenna Williams you have a major crush on her.
What’s the last show you went to?
Big Thief.
What movie can you not resist watching when it’s on TV?
Lord of the Rings.
What’s one of your hidden talents?
This is why I do music, I don’t have any other talents.
The Art Of Forgetting is out 3/24 via New West. Find more information here.
Ted Cruz must secretly love to tweet about movies, and I have to admit, I kind-of love it when he does this, too. It’s a lot of fun. Years ago, the noted The Princess Bride superfan got trounced when he feuded with Cary Elwes, and he once made the grave mistake of tweeting about Fight Club and received some swift comeuppance. And earlier this week on a related note, horror book-and-movie maestro Stephen King didn’t waste fancy words while talking back to Ted, and now, he’s waded into Rocky territory.
What an odd world we live in. This happened when writer Oliver Willis noted Twitter sidebar trends and made a crack about “trump: the movie” casting going too far, and Ted was apparently thrilled to see this happen because Carl Weathers’ name (he happened to be trending due to this week’s episode of The Mandalorian) appeared in the sidebar.
The joke (I guess? you can never tell with Ted) would be that Parker Posey (or “Posie Parker”) would be playing Kimberly Guilfoyle, and Weathers, who embodied heavyweight champ Apollo Creed for the Rocky movies, would be playing Ted Cruz. This is, of course, very funny on multiple fronts. (It’s unclear whether Ted wanted to be played by Carl or the character Apollo, but that probably doesn’t matter.)
The photoshops began to fly, and even more than that, a certain Rocky IV scene surfaced in the commentary.
Never mind all the bluster about Halle Bailey‘s starring role as The Little Mermaid. The real first Black Disney princess was Brandy. Back in 1997, the R&B icon starred in a made-for-TV production of Cinderella as the titular orphan alongside Whitney Houston as her fairy godmother. For years, Rodgers And Hammerstein’s Cinderella was consigned to the VHS collections of ’90s kids until making its debut on Disney+ in 2021 (Bernadette Peters played the wicked stepmother, a true triumph of casting).
But it turned out that Disney wasn’t content just to bring back the original movie. Late last year, it was announced that Brandy’s Cinderella — along with her Prince Charming, Paolo Montalban — was returning in the latest installment of the Descendants film series, which revolves around the children of Disney heroes and villains (Rita Ora is also cast to play the Queen of Hearts). Today, fans got their first look at the reunited couple in their reprised and revamped roles and caught all the feels, gushing on Twitter about the surge of nostalgia the sight brought on.
Of course, plenty of attention was lavished on a long-running gag about the genetics of the original TV movie continuing in the new one. Montalban, who plays the prince (Christopher Rupert Vwindemier Vlandamier Carl Alexander Francois Reginald Lancelot Herman Gregory James), is Filipino, while his parents, the king, and queen, were portrayed by Victor Garber and Whoopi Goldberg. Suffice it to say, it’s been a source of endless, head-scratching delight for fans of the movie for the past 26 years.
Well, the tradition apparently continues; Cinderella’s son, Chad, is portrayed by Jedidiah Goodacre, who had previously appeared in the prior movies in the series. He’s obviously, well… not Black or Filipino. This is an amusing byproduct of his casting back in 2015 when no one had any idea what the series’ king and queen would look like. Now, it’s an accidental but hilarious nod to the colorblind castings of yesteryear and fans couldn’t help but point that out.
I love how this is supposed to be their sonlove the attention to detail that none of the DNA makes sense for the royal family pic.twitter.com/zQ2DBRRN3k
Descendants: The Rise of Red is set to stream on Disney +.
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Cult Leader Shonuff (@JenniferRoseNYC) 
love the attention to detail that none of the DNA makes sense for the royal family