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Yves Tumor Laments A ‘Parody’ Of A Pop Star On Their New ‘Praise A Lord Who Chews’ Song

We are just days away from Yves Tumor’s new album, Praise A Lord Who Chews But Which Does Not Consume; (Or Simply, Hot Between Worlds). Ahead of their new album, Tumor has dropped a new song called “Parody.”

“Parody” is a more downtempo track compared to the previously released “God Is A Circle.” On this particular song, Yves delivers soft-tinged vocals over a slow, smooth guitar-and-drum-driven track.

“Send your face and name on a postcard / a parody of a pop star / you behaved like a monster / is this all just makeup / imagine the thrill / when we couldn’t find our way back,” they sing.

Yves is known for their outspoken nature and their eccentric music and fashion stylings. In a recent interview with Courtney Love for Interview, Yves revealed that they don’t mind being othered.

“I honestly don’t really think about how I’m being perceived that much,” they said. “I just don’t want to ever be in the middle ground of anyone’s thoughts. I’d rather that someone really, really doesn’t f*ck with me, or have them drooling.”

Check out “Parody” above.

Praise A Lord Who Chews But Which Does Not Consume; (Or Simply, Hot Between Worlds) is out 3/17 via Warp Records. Find more information here.

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Star Wars Is At Its Best When It Shows Normal Life, Which Is Fun And Weird

Somewhere along the line, Star Wars became about Jedi. The first three movies established this whole galaxy where these super powered monks don’t exist anymore and everything is broken down and interesting. Oh sure, in the first Star Wars we meet an ex-Jedi (Ben clearly says, “I was once a Jedi Knight”), but technically the movie is Jedi-free and became, at the time, the most successful movie of all time and got an Oscar nomination for Best Picture*. In the first Star Wars, sure, Luke is whiny, but he’s still compelling. In the sequel, The Empire Strikes Back**, Luke is at a crossroads and is at his most interesting. And in Return of the Jedi, Luke is mostly stoic and at his least interesting. It’s here that it was decided, going forward, let’s just focus on characters who are stoic.

*I’ve made an argument before that a debate can be made in the first Star Wars if the Force even exists or not. Compared to all the other movies, it’s, at the very least, very subtle. It’s here that the Force was actually a pretty interesting concept. It truly was a religion that could have detractors who made good points. Once stuff starts flying across the room in the next movie, it’s a little more difficult to call it baloney.

**Yoda in The Empire Strikes Back isn’t boring. But at this point he’s also an ex-Jedi and spends the first five minutes we meet him putting on an all-out comedy routine.

My point is, for the life of me I don’t understand why Star Wars spends so much time on superpowered characters who have very little emotion when this is a galaxy filled with interesting characters. In the first Star Wars, Ben Kenobi is interesting because he spends his time with people who aren’t Jedi. In Star Trek, Spock is a compelling character because of his interactions with Kirk and McCoy. An entire series of Spock just hanging out with Vulcans would get old pretty quickly. Yet, that’s the direction Star Wars steered into. In fact, it’s gotten to be so much of that, that when we watched the Original Trilogy with someone a few months ago who hadn’t seen it, she was shocked at how little of all that there was. She expected the whole thing to be about boring (my word, not hers) Jedi Knights and their lore. Instead, the first Star Wars is about some knuckleheads just trying to do their best and mostly failing until they finally don’t.

That’s what’s been so enjoyable about The Mandalorian and Andor. Yeah, sure, The Mandalorian has a main character with Force powers, but Grogu isn’t a Jedi. Oh, to be clear, he took one look at the Jedi lifestyle and said, “thanks, but no thanks,” and peaced out pretty quickly. (Or, maybe two years later. That’s up for debate, but don’t try to figure it out, it’s a fool’s errand.) If Grogu had met the Luke from Star Wars or The Empire Strikes Back, yeah maybe that works out. But the boring drip from Return of the Jedi? No thanks.

No episode exemplifies this quite as well as this week’s episode of The Mandalorian does, even though we don’t get all that much of Mando himself this time. (As an aside, how often now do we thing Pedro Pascal is really in the suit? I know the official line is, “sometimes,” but I’m going to guess this season, “hardly ever.”) You know who an interesting character is? Doctor Pershing. And we spend a lot of time with Doctor Pershing, just going about his life on Coruscant – our first look at what life is there post-fall of the Empire – trying to acclimate himself to life under the New Republic. And guess what, it still kind of sucks. The wealthy dignitaries don’t seem to notice much of a difference and try not to “get involved,” while unnecessary bureaucracy still rules the day.

See, this is fascinating. After Return of the Jedi, it’s easy to think, well, with the Empire gone, everyone will live their life now in peace. But as we see now, for most people, it’s “the same shit,” just with a nicer tone. Dr. Pershing is truly trying to be a good person, and for his troubles he basically gets lobotomized. Look, on its own, this is just a great hour of Star Wars. And, yes, I realize this is probably some first step into trying to redeem The Rise of Skywalker, which is a little annoying. I swear, if I hear one more time about how if I only, “read three full-length novels and make my way through the Viewmaster reels (deeper cut just for you), you know, The Rise of Skywalker makes perfect sense,” I will break my The Rise of Skywalker Blu-ray I don’t even own in half. I will buy one and destroy it just so there is hopefully one less person on thos planet who had to suffer through that like I did. Anyway.

Having said all that, if the path to redeeming The Rise of Skywalker (it will never happen) gives us more episodes of Star Wars like this, I’ll still take that over more adventures of Jedi. As it’s been from the beginning, just normal everyday non-Jedi powered people, trying to make thier way through this crazy, broken galaxy, is what makes Star Wars interesting in the first place.

You can contact Mike Ryan directly on Twitter.

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Brett Goldstein’s Absurd ‘Ted Lasso’ Season Four Pitch (With Ghosts!) Is Just What The Show Needs

Ted Lasso is bringing the gang back for another fun season of sports, cursing, and genuine male friendships, but fans are still a little uncertain if this will be the last time we get to see the crew and their various locker room shenanigans.

Season three of the inspirational sports comedy premiered this week, and while most people are celebrating the return, others are eagerly awaiting any sort of news regarding season four.

While Jason Sudeikis is staying unsurprisingly silent on the ordeal, the rest of the cast seems excited by the idea of an extended Lasso-verse, and possible spinoffs. “It’s come to that place where if you made a poster of everyone in Ted Lasso it would be f*cking huge,” writer and Roy Kent himself Brett Goldstein told Variety, adding, “You could do a spin-off of every character.”

But there is one fan-favorite character that would likely have the most fun with his own show, and that happens to be Goldstein’s Roy Kent. “I love playing Roy Kent,” Goldstein admitted when asked if he would want Kent to have his own spinoff. As the saying goes, he’s here, he’s there… you get it.

But then Goldstein quickly diverted the conversation into a goofy pitch for season four, which revolves around a ghost version of Lasso. No, really, just hear him out: “I have pitched a Season 4 idea to Jason that he is considering. The problem is that in Season 3, five of the main characters die, so my plan for Season 4 is Ted comes back as a ghost, and it’s called Ghost Ted,” he explained, not realizing that Netflix already has one of those in the works.

He continued his all-star pitch: “He’s haunting the corridors, but he’s just trying to inspire. Some people don’t believe in ghosts, and that’s the journey the team goes on is eventually believing in ghosts,” he carefully explained, before adding, “Jason says he’s only thinking about it.” There is just… so much to think about. Can you blame him?

While we don’t know if Ted Lasso will really get a fourth season, Goldstein makes a really good point: not enough people believe in ghosts. Considering that the show takes place in London, one of Europe’s spookier cities, adding in a supernatural element would not be off the mark. They never caught Jack The Ripper, so all of those souls are just waiting around to be avenged. Who could play football in a place like that?

Obviously, nothing anything this cast says should be taken seriously, but Sudeikis did say that he wants fans to celebrate this season instead of hoping for another one. He told Variety, “While we’re flattered by the curiosity of ‘Is this the final season,’ the fact is that content-wise, if you just go by running time, this season has a Season 4 within itself.” Yes… but does the season have ghosts and supernatural elements? Or just another normal, run-of-the-mill season filled with biscuits and believing? You’ll just have to see for yourself!

(Via Variety)

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Let The New Episode Of ‘Cash Class’ Help You Figure Out Your Taxes

While a nice little tax return direct deposit is nice in late April, it’s a long road between now and then (and that cash). To help you understand the basics of tax return terminology and how to maximize your money this tax season, UPROXX just launched a new episode of Cash Class to give you a first-day-of-tax-school introduction to the basics.

Lisa Prudencio — financial activist and personal finance expert — joins UPROXX to break down some real-world tips for filing and generally dealing with taxes. “Deductions, withholdings, credit … there’s kind of a lot to learn,” Prudencio informs us. Prudencio then walks us through basic tax-related terms like “taxable income,” “deductions,” and “tax brackets” and gives very easy-to-understand definitions of each before diving into more terminology like “taxable events” and the importance of keeping hold of receipts.

It can feel like a lot. Luckily, Prudencio and UPROXX’s Cash Class are here to help you start understanding everything you’re going to encounter. And, as Prudencio points out, there is help out there too with apps and services like H&R Block to get those pesky taxes done and done right.

Watch the whole episode above and don’t forget that April 18th is coming up fast!

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GloRilla’s New ‘Anyways Life’s Great’ Bonus Edition Includes Remixes Featuring Lil Durk, Trina, And More

Nearly a year after breaking the internet with her viral hit single, “F.N.F. (Let’s Go),” GloRilla has released a bonus edition of her major label debut EP, Anyways, Life’s Great….

The updated version contains some of her hits, including “F.N.F (Let’s Go)” and “Tomorrow 2” with Cardi B, as well as new remixes of the EP’s tracks.

In tandem with the EP release, Glo has shared a remix of Anyways, Life’s Great… cut “Phatnall,” this time, called “Ex’s,” with a new verse from Lil Durk. In the songs accompanying visual, Durk and Glo rap about their exes, while donning vibrant fashions nearby a mansion, with luxury vehicles.

In addition to this new remix, fans can also stream a remix of “Nut Quick” with Trina, as well as an updated version of “Get That Money” with a new verse from Gloss Up.

Find the bonus edition’s tracklist below.

Disc 1
1. “No More Love”
2. “Ex’s (Phatnall Remix)” Feat. Lil Durk
3. “Tomorrow 2” Feat. Cardi B
4. “Nut Quick Remix” Feat. Trina
5. “Blessed”
6. “Unh Unh”
7. “Get That Money Remix” Feat. Gloss Up and Nikipooh
8. “F.N.F (Let’s Go)”
9. “Out Loud Thinking ”

Disc 2
1. “Don’t Know (GloRidaz Bonus)”
2. “Nut Quick (Original)”
3. “Phatnall (Original)”
4. “Get That Money” Feat. Nikipooh (Original)

Anyways, Life’s Great…Bonus Edition is out now via Interscope. Find more information here.

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Drake And 21 Savage Tour Ticket Prices Are Reportedly As High As $1,000 And Fans Are Dismayed

Tour ticket prices have become one of the hottest discussions online in the past month, as Ticketmaster responded to accusations of unfair business practices by rolling out new policies and highly anticipated tours like Beyoncé’s Renaissance Tour have put those policies to the test.

A new hot commodity tour was announced yesterday, and it looks like fans will continue to be unhappy about pricing. Drake and 21 Savage, who teamed up on last year’s album, Her Loss, announced the North American dates of their It’s All A Blur Tour kicking off in June. However, upon seeing the prices — which some fans are reporting to be as high as $1,000 — fans are balancing their “wants and needs” to decide if this particular “rich flex” is worth the cost.

Of course, most of those tweeting seem to be reporting much more reasonable prices — around $400 or so — but that’s still a stretch if you consider the 20-something target demo and… well, everything going on in the world right now.

Of course, Ticketmaster’s dynamic pricing system changes the prices of tickets based on demand, so it makes sense that one of the biggest superstars on the planet — who hasn’t toured since 2018, by the way — would be one of the most demanded tickets on the market. When the general sale opens up, things could get better, since there will be more tickets available — or they could get a lot worse since everyone who missed out on the presale will be even more determined to get their hands on them.

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Adam Schefter Posted The Text Aaron Rodgers Sent Telling Him To ‘Lose My Number’

If Aaron Rodgers ends up getting his wish and is traded to the New York Jets sometime soon, it seems like a safe bet that he’s not going to tell Adam Schefter to break the news. During his appearance on The Pat McAfee Show on Wednesday afternoon, Rodgers expressed that he’s not exactly a fan of ESPN’s NFL newsbreaker, telling a story about a time Schefter got his phone number and reached out to him.

“Ask Schefter what I texted him when he somehow got my number and texted me,” Rodgers said. “I didn’t respond to Dianna Russini, I think her name is … but like, I would say the same thing I told Schefty: Lose my number, nice try. I’ll speak for myself.”

Well, Schefter decided to go along with this and posted the exact text that Rodgers sent him.

Rodgers has expressed his thoughts on Schefter and NFL Network’s Ian Rapoport during cameos on McAfee’s show in the past, saying that “There’s an inner circle, and in my inner circle, nobody talks to Ian Rapoport, to Adam Schefter or to any of those people. So if you’re one of those people who’s talking to those people, it’s a great reminder to you: You’re not in the inner circle.”

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The Five Best NBA Draft Prospects In Each 2023 NCAA Tournament Region

The 2023 NCAA Tournament technically began Tuesday with the First Four in Dayton, and each game of the doubleheader was highly entertaining. For many, though, the action really kicks into high gear with jam-packed slates on Thursday and Friday with the feel of a two-day national holiday for sports fans. Filling out brackets and rooting for specific team victories provides enjoyment to millions and, for NBA die-hards, this is a fantastic annual opportunity to brush up on the latest with the next wave of professional standouts.

In 2023, the best prospect in the NBA Draft is Victor Wembanyama, and he won’t be suiting up on the collegiate stage this month. That is also the case for Scoot Henderson, Amen Thompson, and Ausar Thompson, which serves as a reminder that college basketball is far from the only place to check out top-tier prospects. In fact, some of the best college prospects won’t participate in the Tournament (Ohio State’s Brice Sensabaugh, Michigan’s Jett Howard, etc.), but there remains no shortage of intriguing players to monitor.

Today, we’ll glance at the five top prospects in each NCAA Tournament region, acknowledging this is an arbitrary cut-off and perhaps the No. 6 prospect in one region may be better than the No. 4 prospect in another. Alas, let’s get to the players.

South Region: Brandon Miller (Alabama), Keyonte George (Baylor), Noah Clowney (Alabama), Terquavion Smith (NC State), Adam Flagler (Baylor)

The South Region is unquestionably headlined by Alabama’s Brandon Miller. The buzz is building that Miller could even usurp Henderson, at least for some, as the No. 2 overall player on the board, and Miller’s performance over the course of the season has been tremendous for the Crimson Tide. His size and shooting bring encouragement with regard to floor and, after a very rough start inside the arc, Miller improved rapidly with his craft. There are continuing questions around his off-court linkage to a January shooting, but Miller hasn’t missed a minute for Alabama as a result and NBA teams are still evaluating him as one of the top prospects around.

After Miller, there is a drop to Keyonte George, who many still view as a lottery pick for Baylor. He has efficiency and distribution issues, but George has tremendous pedigree dating back to high school. Clowney is showing tremendous defensive tools and could be in line for a late first-round landing spot if his play stands out for the Crimson Tide this month. Smith was a potential first round pick a year ago that returned to NC State and is leading a tournament team as a prominent shot creator. There is a drop in consensus after that top four, and Flagler gets the call at No. 5 here. The transfer from Presbyterian has continued to rise on boards for NBA teams, and Flagler’s biggest appeal is his high-level shooting acumen and solid size for a point guard.

East Region: Cason Wallace (Kentucky), Dariq Whitehead (Duke), Dereck Lively (Duke), Kyle Filipowski (Duke), Julian Phillips (Tennessee)

Wallace is a personal favorite as a tremendous defensive guard with real instincts. He is a potential lottery pick, especially if teams give him the semi-annual bump for miscast Kentucky guards. Wallace is also a very solid shooter and decision-maker, even if he may not have primary upside. Whitehead has been banged up at times this season, but he’s a 6’6 wing for the Blue Devils that can shoot it with five-star high school pedigree.

Lively was, at least by some, the No. 1 recruit in the country and had a brutal start to the season. However, the 7-footer has come along nicely on the defensive end, and he has sky-high potential on that end to go along with some appeal as an offensive rim-runner. Filipowski is more polarizing as the best college player for Duke but also the No. 3 prospect on his own team. His offensive appeal is very easy to see as a big with inside-out ability and a tremendous skill level, but the questions come with a lack of a natural defensive role in the NBA. Phillips is a jack-of-all-trades forward for the Vols who doesn’t stand out in any single way right now, but he’s 6’8 and checks a lot of boxes as a potentially intriguing role player.

Midwest Region: Jarace Walker (Houston), Jalen Hood-Schifino (Indiana), Kris Murray (Iowa), Colby Jones (Xavier), Marcus Sasser (Houston)

Houston is a tremendous college basketball team, as evidenced by their No. 1 seed, and Walker is both a very valuable college player and a lottery-projected prospect. He’s a 6’8 forward with a reported 7’2 wingspan and tremendous defensive capabilities. On offense, he’s a projected role player, but Walker finishes well and doesn’t need the ball to be succesful. Hood-Schifino is a fast-rising prospect this cycle as a 6’6 guard that can handle, defend, distribute and generally excel. He would fit in a lot of places at the NBA level.

Murray, the brother of Sacramento’s Keegan Murray, is extremely productive and will garner obvious comparisons to his brother. Keegan was the better prospect, but Kris isn’t far off and will be a first-round pick based on his forward size and offensive skill set for the high-powered Hawkeye attack. Jones has a ton of positive assets as a projected NBA role player, with good shooting guard size, craft, and shooting acumen. It’s easy to see his translation from a starter with the Musketeers to a valuable NBA player. Sasser is currently banged-up, with questions on whether he’ll play for Houston in its opener, but the 6’2 guard can score and he’s extremely valuable to a No. 1 seed.

West Region: Nick Smith Jr. (Arkansas), Anthony Black (Arkansas), Gradey Dick (Kansas), Jordan Hawkins (UConn), Julian Strawther (Gonzaga)

Arkansas has the top two prospects in this range and is the No. 8 seed in the West. That’s tough to reconcile, but Smith missed a large swath of the season. He was a consensus top-five high school prospect with very clear offensive upside as a primary scorer in the NBA. Comparisons have been in the ether to Jamal Murray, and Smith could return to a mid-lottery slot or higher with a breakout in March. Black is less traditionally appealing as a shot creator, but he is a 6’7, highly-skilled perimeter player who passes well, defends, and makes all the right plays. His jumper is the big question, but Black is the kind of player that could be an NBA starter even as a fringe shooter.

Dick is a 6’8 sniper with a high release and excellent shooting numbers. He’s not a pure specialist by any means, though, as Dick is a good passer and has enough size to at least be reasonable on defense in time. He’s improved even over the course of the season for the Jayhawks. Hawkins is a 6’5 shooting guard with real movement shooting potential and rock-solid defense. His lack of size may be limiting a little bit, but he’s a first-round talent. Finally, Strawther is clearly No. 5 on this list and would be closer to the fictional No. 6 than to No. 4. Still, his size and shooting are very appealing for Gonzaga, and the questions really focus on whether his limited athleticism will make him too much of a defensive challenge in the league.

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‘Ted Lasso’ Power Rankings: Ted Lasso Goes Full — Okay, Maybe Partial — ‘8 Mile’ In The Season 3 Premiere

The Ted Lasso Power Rankings are a weekly analysis of who and/or what had the strongest performance in each episode. Most of the list will feature individual characters, although the committee does reserve the right to honor anything from animals to inanimate objects to laws of nature to general concepts. There are very few rules here.

Season 3, Episode 1 — “Smells Like Mean Spirit”

HONORABLE MENTION: Dr. Sharon (good for her with her handsome new man just waiting for her in bed); sewers, generally (gross but useful); wise children (potential spinoff idea: we fast-forward 25 years and Henry and Phoebe are married and running a counseling service); Dani Rojas (my sweet boy); Paddington Bear (imagine how devastating it must be on a personal level to get Zero Marmalade Sandwiches from Paddington Bear); Mr. Maher (tough break about that train); chatty airline employees who confess to holding up flights to Sydney because of video games (I do not think I would like someone to tell me that right before taking my child to an airplane that he is going to fly in across an ocean); Higgins (“Yo”); Rupert (he would be friends with the Sacklers); Ms. Kakes (more on her later)

10. (tie) Nate

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It’s difficult to rank Nate appropriately right now because, in any reasonable examination of the facts, he would be off the board. He is doing real, real bad. He’s being a jerk to people who work under him, he’s doomscrolling Twitter alone in his office, he’s trying to impress his new mentor Rupert by being a prick a lot, and he’s still doing that thing where he kind of spits a lot when he thinks about Ted or anything else that makes him feel insecure. I do not enjoy the spitting. Just bad, bad stuff all around.

But we only know that because we see his quiet moments, the little faces he makes that show us how he’s really doing. To the outside world, he’s kind of crushing it. He’s the new coach of a dominant team, he’s a cool story about rising up from humble beginnings, he’s cruising into work with Rakim playing, all of it. And he has a sick new car now, which he seems to enjoy. Although I refuse to believe that Nate wouldn’t have already purchased a flashy car with his first paycheck. The man has zero self-esteem. There’s no way he’s pulling into his new job in a lil clunker. He has too much overcompensating to do. He probably should have shown up in a Harrier jet and landed it right on the field.

But now I’m just nitpicking.

10. (tie) Kenneth the Bus Driver

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ON ONE HAND: Having a burnout bus driver with a mysterious and drug-fueled personal life is pretty much a direct ripoff of Otto from The Simpsons.

ON THE OTHER HAND: I love him very much and would watch an entire episode about him before we wrap this show up for good in a few months.

9. Roy

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I worry about Roy, in a couple of different ways. I worry about him in the context of the show. He and Keeley broke up for dubious reasons identified by his niece. He’s now the coach in charge of strategy and has designed a plan to play things very safe, which is boring and doomed and he’s going to have to dump for some cool trick plays at some point, in part because the squad is undermanned and undergunned and will need an infusion of creativity to defeat more skilled opponents, and in part because the show needs that to remain fun and interesting. No one wants to watch a movie where a basketball team wins a championship by playing a sensible 2-3 zone and throwing bounce passes. They want the coach to put the dog in the game. There’s nothing in the rulebook that says you can’t.

I also worry about the character, in general. A little. Brett Goldstein remains one of our best cussers and I’m happy to let him cook, but I do hope he gets a teeeeeeny bit more to do this season if they’re gonna make him a part of the brain trust. I do need him to keep cussing, though. That’s important. To me.

8. Keeley

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Keeley is:

  • Running her own business
  • Sobbing a little sometimes behind the creepy harassment windows
  • Single again, kind of, despite two different characters professing their love for her in the season two finale and a third planting a smooch on her out of nowhere

Lot going on here. We will continue to monitor this situation.

7. Rebecca

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The bad news here is that Rebecca is melting down about Rupert to an unhealthy degree now that Richmond is back in the Premier League and picked by pretty much everyone to get walloped. It’s not ideal. Nor is the thing when she has gobs of eye makeup stained on her white blouse. That’s not as big of a deal, I guess. She can always start wearing a bib or a smock when she goes to visit Keeley. Soooo let’s focus on the other thing.

This is going to be a problem. Rupert is an ass whose office looks like somewhere a bad guy on The Mandalorian would summon underlings and prisoners, but he’s also a charming bomb of charisma and smirks. People are naturally drawn to people like that. I’m sure the press and the public love him. I’m sure it eats her up a bunch, given their history. It’s going to bump up against Ted and the way he deals with things a lot, I suspect, at least in the early going, like we saw this week with the sewer business. It’ll be fine, eventually, probably, because things in this show usually end up fine, but it could get a little dicey in spots on the way.

6. Barbara the CFO

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Really just an incredible week for cold, unsmiling staffers, between Barbara’s hatred of flowers and Ms. Kakes — Rupert’s assistant who delivered the car keys to Nate and terrified me a little — just standing there staring at people. I hope the two of them become friends and go on vacation together. Show me both of them at a luxurious tropical resort just frowning into their pina coladas and challenging charges to their room at the front desk. Send them to a White Lotus. They’ll hate it a lot. Which I will enjoy. Also a lot.

5. Ted

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Three big things here, which I will address in reverse order of importance.

THREE: I like that Ted knows the sewer guy by name and I need to know how many other municipal employees around town he’s buddies with.

TWO: Ted has some stuff going on right now. It’s not like that’s a secret. It’s a secret to the other people on the show, I suppose, who mostly only see the smile and mustache and goofy demeanor, but we saw his face in the airport at the beginning. We saw him checking his phone constantly while Henry’s plane was in the air and questioning why he’s still doing any of this. He’s walking past his house on the sidewalk and having a little mini-crisis and his doctor is off coaching rugby and sleeping with handsome new boytoys. This is the struggle now. He’s got to figure out what he’s doing and how to make it work, both personally and professionally. It’s good to remember that at the core of this generally silly premise — American football coach goes to England to coach soccer — is a dude who is kind of having an existential crisis.

ONE: His press conference at the end, where he ticked off all his faults and weaknesses in a jokey back-and-forth, was basically just a very polite and Midwestern version of the freestyle Eminem does at the end of 8 Mile, which I point out both because it’s how my mangled brain works and because it’s very funny to picture Eminem at home in Michigan watching Ted Lasso on his iPhone in bed. Think about it now. My gift to you.

4. Coach Disco

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This show has a long storied history of giving characters silly nouns as last names, starting at the top with Ted Lasso and continuing through with Coach Beard and Jamie Tartt, even if the spelling of that last one plays a little fast and loose with the spelling.

It brings me great pleasure to add Coach Disco to the list. I must know everything about him at once. Or maybe nothing. This is another one of those “maybe don’t ruin a beautiful thing with more information” situations. It says a lot about me as a professional television critic that this is the biggest takeaway I had from this episode. We all have a lot to consider. Coach Disco included.

3. Crying

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Crying is not fun as it’s happening. You feel silly and stupid for being emotional. You start questioning why the human body even does it. Why, when we feel sad or overwhelmed by any other emotion, does our entire face contort itself into a scrunched-up little ball and start leaking water and snot out of most of its holes? It’s especially embarrassing when there’s someone else there who is not crying. You start, like, apologizing and feeling sillier and crying more and it’s just a weird and annoying cycle.

But Rebecca does have a point here. It feels good once you get all of it out. It’s cathartic and a little freeing. I don’t want to sit here and wish a crying fit on any of you if you don’t have an honest one coming, but if you do, buddy, let it fly. Put on a Pixar movie or something and grab a box of tissues. It’s fine. You deserve it every now and then.

2. Jamie

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Jamie didn’t have a lot to do this week beyond wearing colorful puffy vests with fanny packs draped over them, which is still more than you can say for most characters on most television shows. But he should not be ranked this high. There was much more important business going on out there. I do not care. I am putting him at number two for three equally important reasons:

  • I like that he was the one who took Ted’s lesson about the sewer system to heart, which shows real strides for him as a leader of the team
  • I like that the word “poopy” in his accent comes out “poo-peh”
  • I am a child and find it very funny to put the poo-based entry at number two

Thank you.

1. Coach Beard

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Coach Beard is back at number one as always. He was always going to be number one. That’s just how things work here. But he did actually earn it this week when he did the silent little hand gesture in the screencap up there, the one where everyone saw Nate’s comments and got mad and Ted was going to say something but Beard saw Jamie getting ready to step up. That’s great assistant coaching. We could all use a Coach Beard in our lives to be a voice of reason and support.

He’s a good man. I missed him very much.

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Billie Eilish’s Nike Air Force 1 Low In White: Everything To Know Including The Release Date, Prices & More

Billie Eilish has dabbled in the fashion world, like when she worked with H&M and Urban Outfitters. She’s also been a frequent partner with Nike since 2021, creating two new Air Jordan designs that are also fully vegan. Some examples include the Nike X Billie Eilish Air Force 1 High ’07 Sequoia.

This month, she will be dropping a reworked version of her patchworked Air Force 1’s in a “Triple White” color. In an outdoor photoshoot, Eilish shared some shots of herself wearing the shoes on social media.

“The latest @billieeilish x Nike Air Force 1 Low combines the timeless white on white colorway with the familiar patchwork upper, creating a future favorite with infinite styling options,” Nike also posted in the caption.

“The rethought upper and cork sockliner balance Billie’s progressive and contemporary perspective with a heartfelt respect for the legendary shoe. The result — an unexpected and stylish twist on the AF1 that’s perfect for everyone,” Nike added through their web description.

Along with the upcoming drop, Hypebeast has reported that the pop star could be bringing back the Nike Air Alpha Force 88’s for an upcoming drop this year — although a specific release date for this one has yet to be confirmed.

Billie Eilish x Nike Air Force 1 Low “Triple White” will cost $130. The shoes are set to drop on March 22 through her official artist store here, before being made available on March 23 at 10 a.m. through the SNKRS app and in-person select retail stores.