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Yesterday, Lil Wayne unveiled the new track “Kant Nobody” with a posthumous feature from the late DMX. He’s also been busy getting his own character in NBA 2K23.

He’s living the life, so much so that it appears he hasn’t had fast food in literal decades. At least it seems like that’s what admitted in his new interview on Zane Lowe’s Apple Music.

“When I was 19 I moved to Miami and my mom is a chef and she was very happy for the move because New Orleans is crazy. One thing she really wanted me to do was get a personal chef,” he said. “So from the age of 19 to now, I’ve always had a personal chef. I haven’t eaten any fast food forever. I don’t know what McDonald’s smell like. Only Gyms I know is Jim Jones. I can’t lift a weight. I don’t do no workout.”

Meanwhile NLE Choppa recently sang Lil Wayne’s praises and gave him flowers. “I feel like accolades never define the artist,” he said to the iconic rapper. “Personally, I feel like you supposed to have way more accolades coming your way. You should be to a point in time to where you just receiving accolades. I think it was a few days ago, you won an award. So, I just wanted to present my own accolade, physically giving you flowers and a note to let you know how much you inspired me and impacted my life. I have a skateboard too that I signed. I know you like to skateboard.”

Listen to Wayne’s interview here.

Picking the best 20-year-old Scotch whisky off the shelf is a nervy task. You’re devoting serious money to one single bottle of whisky. And if you don’t dig it… well, you’re stuck with a bottle that set you back hundreds (maybe even thousands) of dollars. Ouch.

Point being, buying old and expensive Scotch whisky isn’t something to take lightly. You need to be informed about what you’re investing in. To help you navigate that thorny world, I’m going to blindly taste eight expensive expressions and rank each bottle. Hopefully, this info helps the next time you venture beyond the locked glass at the liquor store.

PART I — Methodology

I grabbed eight bottles of the good stuff off my shelf with one parameter: It had to be between 20 and 29 years old. No 19-year-old bottles sneaking it. No 30-year-old ringers. Just the 20s — the age where single malt Scotch whisky hits a serious sweet spot. That put the price range between $250 and (gulp) $1,000 per bottle — definitely a range where some expert opinion is necessary before you swipe that debit card at checkout.

Our lineup today is the following bottles:

• Bowmore Islay Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aston Martin Masters’ Selection Aged 22 Years
• The Glenlivet Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 21 Years
• Mortlach Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged for 20 Years
• Ardbeg 25 Years Old Islay Single Malt Scotch Whisky
• The GlenAllachie Speyside Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 21 Years
• Glenfiddich Grand Cru Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 23 Years
• The GlenDronach Grandeur Highland Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 28 Years
• Glengoyne Highland Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 21 Years

When it comes to ranking these bottles, I’m going to split some minuscule hairs and rank these based on the best flavor alone, because these are all well-made whiskies with deep pedigrees. When I say “best,” I mean what has the most depth, what takes me on a journey, and what is the most pleasant whisky experience. All of our palates are at different places, so read through those tasting notes and find something that feels right for you or that entices you to new heights. Then click those price links to see if you can get a bottle in your neighborhood.

• Johnnie Walker Vs. Chivas: Which Scotch Whisky Brand Will Win Our Blind Test?
• The 50 Best Scotch Whiskies Of 2022, Ranked
• The Best Speyside Single Malt Scotch Whiskies Under $100, Ranked
• World Class ‘Sipping’ Single Malt Whiskies Under $100, Ranked
• The Best Peated Single Malt Scotch Whisky, Blind Tasted And Ranked

Part 1: The Tasting

Taste 1

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Gently smoked cherries and smoked orange come through on the nose with a mild sense of smudging sage ash next to bourbon vanilla and apple fritters with a soft powdered sugar glaze.

Palate: That sweetness presents on the palate with a smoke chocolate powder vibe next to spiced malts, singed vanilla husks, and more of those smoked cherries but this time they have a twinge of tartness with a pinch of salt.

Finish: The finish combines the tart yet salty smoked cherries with the dark chocolate next to a deep sense of oak and spicy malts.

Initial Thoughts:

This is flashy and delicious. It’s almost daring you not to like it by pressing the peatiness toward burnt fruit but just pulling back and allowing the sweetness, tartness, and salinity to drive the nose and taste. In short, this is fun, engaging whisky.

Taste 2

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Leather and winter spices lead the way on the nose with a hint of saffron-stewed pears, ripe peaches, and lush eggnog next to boiled beans with a bay leaf.

Palate: The palate leans into the peaches and pears but puts them in a pie with plenty of cinnamon, clove, and nutmeg next to apricot jam and rum-raisin.

Finish: The mid-palate hits a pine resin note before descending toward brandied cherries and dark chocolate with fresh ginger sharpens and a dash of cinnamon-vanilla candy.

Initial Thoughts:

This is smooooooth. It’s like drinking Christmas with a side of orchard fruit (in the best way). There are no rough edges, which almost makes it too smooth as it kind of disappears as soon as you finish the sip.

Taste 3

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Freshly baked apple pie with cinnamon bark and nutmeg lead to black raisins, fatty walnuts, grilled pineapple, and sea-salt-infused dark cacao sauce with a hint of vanilla and pear on the nose.

Palate: The palate leans into the lard pie crust under that apple pie with a hint of powdered sugar icing next to mint chocolate chip, old vanilla pods, and banana’s foster with a smidge of clove and allspice thrown in.

Finish: There’s a light sense of caramel malts on the end that leads to a walnut cake full of raisins and cinnamon with a buttery vibe next to a savory note that’s part green herbs and part extra virgin olive oil.

Initial Thoughts:

This is mind-blowing. It’s so deep yet welcoming. It takes you on a journey. It almost feels like you’re looking at a masterpiece painting in liquid form that dances around your senses.

Taste 4

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Heavy cream, smoked toffee, lemon pith, and ashes from last night’s campfire open this one up on the nose before veering toward soft sea-filled air, a touch of muddy bog, and old shovel handles from a well-worked farm.

Palate: On the palate, there’s this deep sense of potting soil that’s still in the plastic from the garden shop next to uncooked smoked bacon rashers with plenty of black pepper and a slightly sour edge leading back to that heavy cream and smoked toffee by the mid-palate.

Finish: Finally, hefty/spicy packed tobacco chewiness brings about a full-on head buzz — it’s a wild sensation.

Initial Thoughts:

This is so far on the other side of the spectrum from the last sip. This grabs you by the scruff of your neck and throws you into the deep end of an inky sea full of falling burnt forests. It’s wild. It’s grandiose. And I kind of love it. But this is clearly not for everyone. The palate is like a 6’9″ bouncer intimidating people at the door to the coolest club in the town.

Taste 5

Tasting Notes:

Nose: There’s a note of tannic old oak and grapefruit pith when you nose this dram that leads towards honeyed chocolate truffles with a touch of cinnamon and orange.

Palate: The palate goes full Christmas cake with plenty of dried nuts, candied and dried fruits, rich wintry spice, and a touch of chocolate maltiness next to candied ginger, more orange, and a note of golden corn syrup.

Finish: That sweetness attaches to the fruit and spice to create a stewed plum vibe on the finish that luxuriates in mild spice, sweet and meaty stone fruit, and a touch more of that chocolate.

Initial Thoughts:

This feels old but not really all that much else. There’s a pretty nice (read: standard) flavor profile but it’s not leaping out at me.

Taste 6

Tasting Notes:

Nose: This is straight-up classic malt on the nose with stewed apples and pears with a slight tartness and floral impression over a buttery brioche with a hint of maple woodiness.

Palate: The palate is lush and supple with a vanilla foundation and layers of pear candy, old toffees, creamed honey, and orchard wood with a sweet side.

Finish: The end has a pear and apple skin ambiance leading to barks, cores, and stems with soft floral honey and a bit of proofing water.

Initial Thoughts:

This is smooth in all the right ways. It’s almost simple but so bright in every single soft note it plays that you just want more. This proves that less is so much more — when executed perfectly.

Taste 7

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The nose opens with a sense of black-tea-soaked dates blended with Saigon cinnamon and freshly ground nutmeg next to blackstrap molasses, walnut cake, old oak staves soaked in floral honey, moist marzipan laced with orange oils and dipped in salted dark chocolate, and a little twinge of bourbon vanilla cherries.

Palate: The palate pops with dark cherry cordial on the palate next to stewed plums with anise and clove, old leather tobacco pouches, and a touch of creamy espresso.

Finish: The end is a mix of dark chocolate and brandy-soaked cherries next to spent oolong tea leaves, walnut shells, and salted black licorice with a whisper of spiced caramel malts.

Initial Thoughts:

This is bold as a motherf*cker. It slaps you on the palate with dark, deep, and funky flavor notes that don’t let up. Then it goes soft and cuddly with a deepness that’s damn near unparalleled.

Taste 8

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The nose pops with butterscotch, red apples, and mild nuttiness next to spicy malts, sticky toffee pudding, and a hint of old oakiness.

Palate: Spiced raisin and nut cakes mingle with cinnamon bark and clove buds as a rich honey creaminess leads back to some creamy nuttiness and a hint of chocolate powder.

Finish: Rum-soaked raisins and spiced malts drive the finish toward more cinnamon bark and a fleeting sense of vanilla.

Initial Thoughts:

This was fine but felt a little middle of the road, especially compared to some of the big swings the blenders took with other expressions on this list.

Part 2: The Ranking

8. Glengoyne Highland Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 21 Years — Taste 8

ABV: 43%

Average Price: $226

The Whisky:

This whisky starts with air-dried unpeated barley. The mash then goes through the “slowest” still in Scotland. The hot juice from those stills is loaded into used sherry casks for a long rest before batching, proofing, and bottling.

Bottom Line:

When you’re talking about whisky at this price point, “fine” is never going to cut it. You can get “fine” Scotch whisky for $50.

7. The GlenAllachie Speyside Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 21 Years — Taste 5

ABV: 51.5%

Average Price: $265

The Whisky:

Glenallachie’s Master Distiller Billy Walker hand-selected just five casks for this release. The barrels were ex-Pedro Ximenez and Oloroso sherry puncheons (a large barrel that’s around 100 gallons, give or take). Those whiskies were vatted and bottled as-is.

=The Bottom Line:

This is a notch better than the last pick but only just. Again, there are better whiskies at a much lower price point.

6. The Glenlivet Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 21 Years — Taste 2

ABV: 43%

Average Price: $310

The Whisky:

This redesigned The Glenlivet is still a classic whisky. The hot juice is aged in a triple combination of first-fill Oloroso sherry, Troncais oak Cognac casks, and vintage Colheita Port casks. After 21 long years (at least), the barrels are vatted and proofed down before bottling.

Bottom Line:

This is a great whisky if you don’t want to be challenged at all. It’s perfectly balanced and so soft that it damn near disappears once you sip it.

5. Ardbeg 25 Years Old Islay Single Malt Scotch Whisky — Taste 4

ABV: 46%

Average Price: $899

The Whisky:

This expression from Ardbeg is also their oldest expression (as of their current lineup). The whisky is the epitome of peat on Islay. What makes this expression so special and extremely rare is that it was distilled and casked when Ardbeg was on its knees as a company, in the early 1990s. They simply weren’t making that much whisky back then and there’s hardly any of it left. That makes this a one-and-gone whisky with only 278 bottles, 90 of which were sent to the U.S.

Bottom Line:

This is the opposite side of that spectrum. This is the bottle that you buy when you want to be challenged on every level of your senses and palate. But the reward is so deep and grand that I think it’s worth it. Maybe try a dram at your local whisky bar before you commit to a whole bottle.

4. Glenfiddich Grand Cru Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 23 Years — Taste 6

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $359

The Whisky:

It’s all in the name of this yearly special release from Glenfiddich. The whisky in the bottle matures for over 23 years in both ex-bourbon and ex-sherry casks before it’s vatted and then filled into French Cuvée casks that held Champagne. That whisky is then cut down to proof and bottled just in time for the holiday season.

Bottom Line:

This is quintessential great Scotch whisky. It’s deep, engaging, and delicious through and through. There are zero faults. It’s just classic though and that’s why it’s a little lower on this list. I didn’t feel any excitement drinking this one, just satisfaction.

3. The GlenDronach Grandeur Highland Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 28 Years — Taste 7

ABV: 48.9%

Average Price: $800

The Whisky:

The GlenDronach Grandeur Batch 11 was created by Dr. Rachel Barrie (who also created the BenRiach above). Dr. Barrie hand-selected a tiny number of rare Pedro Ximénez and oloroso Sherry casks that were filled with The GlenDronach malt almost 30 years ago. Those barrels were vatted and bottled with a touch of water into just over 3,000 bottles.

Bottom Line:

This was exciting. It felt new and fresh with a hardcore depth that was fascinating and alluring. This is the bottle you buy and sip when you want to push your palate to new heights.

2. Bowmore Islay Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aston Martin Masters’ Selection Aged 22 Years — Taste 1

ABV: 51.5%

Average Price: $999

The Whisky:

This is the next step in the much-lauded high-end Aston Martin series from Bowmore. The whisky is batched from special barrels of Bowmore’s famed barely-peated whisky into a final product that’s refined and just kissed with that iconic Islay spring water.

Bottom Line:

This is a delicious whisky. It has a slight gimmick with the Aston Martin tie-in. But that’s washed away when you actually taste how good this stuff is. It’s a perfectly balanced low-peat malt that delivers on every level, making it a great whisky for any fan of Islay who doesn’t need a peat monster on their cart.

1. Mortlach Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged for 20 Years — Taste 3

ABV: 43.4%

Average Price: $240

The Whisky:

Dufftown’s Mortlach is one of those distilleries that may just make you fall in love with scotch. The mash is distilled 2.81 times, according to Mortlach’s unique distilling methods. That juice is then loaded in sherry casks and left to do its thing for 20 long years. The results are vatted, brought down to proof with that soft Speyside water, and bottled.

Bottom Line:

This whisky is next level in every way. It’s balanced yet nuanced; deep yet welcoming. This is the whisky you buy and enjoy to go from whisky fan to whisky expert.

Part 3: Final Thoughts

This was a hell of a lineup. The only two whiskies I’d skip on this list are the last two on the ranking. There are simply better whiskies at lower prices.

Glengoyne and The GlenAllachie fans right now…

The top six are all worth your time and money. If you want to up your peat game without overblowing your palate, then the Bowmore 22 is the play. If you simply want an amazing whisky that works on every level and will take you somewhere new, then you have to go with the Mortlach. It’s a perfect whisky (and not that expensive).

The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE – LOOK AT THIS

I’ll tell you who is doing great right now: Margo Martindale. She’s doing so great. She’s been doing great for a while, to be fair, and you can go ahead and rewatch The Americans and her season of Justified and her appearances as herself (Character Actress Margo Martindale) on BoJack Horseman if you need that refreshed or just, like, want to watch her do battle with Timothy Olyphant in a Kentucky holler. You don’t even need an excuse to do that. You can stay up all night tonight and binge it if you want. You have that option.

But she’s just suuuuper killing it now. Start with the most pressing: she’s in Cocaine Bear, the movie about a bear that goes on a murderous rampage after eating a bunch of cocaine. That’s cool. She seems legitimately excited about it, too, which is also cool. Here’s what she said about it to EW:

“I never thought at age 70 I would be doing an action movie, but I guess I did!” Martindale tells EW, with great glee.

In director Elizabeth Banks’ movie, the actress plays a forest ranger named Liz whose day takes a very unexpected turn when she crosses paths with a bear who has ingested a large quantity of cocaine.

I guess I only needed the first paragraph of the blockquote. That second paragraph is pretty fun, though. Go up to a stranger this weekend and say it to their face. Feel free to replace “the actress” with her name if you want. Or don’t. Get as weird as you want out there. You deserve to have a little fun.

Speaking of things that are fun, guess what else Margo Martindale is going to be in this year? Did you say “a limited television series about the Great Canadian Maple Syrup Heist”? Because that would have been a really good guess. Because she’s going to be in that, too. It’s called The Sticky and I am already obsessed with it, in large part because I have been obsessed with the Great Canadian Maple Syrup Heist for many years now. But this does look good on paper.

“The Sticky revolves around Ruth Clarke (Martindale), a tough, supremely competent middle-aged Canadian maple syrup farmer who’s had it with being hemmed in by the polite, bureaucratic conventions native to her country’s identity. Especially now that that very bureaucracy is threatening to take away everything she loves: Her farm, her comatose husband, and her right to freedom. With the help of Remy Bouchard, a local blockhead and Mike Byrne (Chris Diamantopoulos), a low-level mobster, Ruth changes her fate—and transforms the future of her community with the theft of millions of dollars’ worth of maple syrup.”

So, we’ve got a movie about a murderous bear on a coke-fueled rampage and a television series about a multimillion-dollar theft of maple syrup. That’s a great start. And it gets even better. Because she’s also going to be in a show from Leftovers creator Damon Lindelof where Betty Gilpin plays a nun who does battle against computers.

Mrs. Davis is described as an exploration of faith versus technology — an epic battle of biblical and binary proportions. Gilpin will play a nun who goes to battle against an all-powerful Artificial Intelligence.

I don’t think I even know what that means but I kind of love it. It reads almost like “what if The Matrix starred a nun played by Betty Gilpin,” which, in hindsight, is something we should have gotten to long before 2023. I am both proud of and disappointed in all of us.

Well, not all of us. Again, Margo Martindale is doing pretty great. Bears on cocaine, large-scale thefts of breakfast condiments, nuns battling the algorithm, just an incredible run of projects. Any actor would be lucky to hit a fun trifecta like that at any point in their career, but it’s even more impressive because there just are not that many juicy roles out there for actresses over 70. The degree of difficulty here was off the charts. I am really happy for Margo Martindale.

I’m happy for me, too, because I get to watch all of these soon.

I am happy for me and Margo Martindale.

ITEM NUMBER TWO – Hey, let’s check in with the cast of Successi-… oh my

Background first, briefly: You remember that New Yorker profile of Succession star Jeremy Strong from a few years ago, right? The one where he talked about his devotion to Method acting and staying in character off-screen? The one that made a lot of people, including some of his co-stars, roll their eyes a little bit? Click on a bunch of those links if you don’t. It’s a ride.

Anyway, it’s all still going. Succession is back next month — for a… gulp… final season — and the stars are out talking to various publications about various things. Brian Cox, who plays Roy family patriarch Logan and has never once bitten his tongue about anything, was profiled by Town & Country magazine for some reason, and after describing the process of Method acting as “annoying,” there was… well, this paragraph.

In the confessional scene, played out on a dusty Italian cul-de-sac, Kendall is a mess. Cox says he thinks Strong played the moment extremely well, but he was, again, surprised that he wouldn’t break out of character once it wrapped. “He’s still that guy, because he feels if he went somewhere else he’d lose it. But he won’t! Strong is talented. He’s fucking gifted. When you’ve got the gift, celebrate the gift. Go back to your trailer and have a hit of marijuana, you know?

This is great for a lot of reasons. It’s great because you can hear him saying it exactly like that in exactly his voice with very little effort. It’s great because I think he really thinks it was a compliment. But mostly it’s great because I don’t think anyone but Brian Cox and narcs from Saturday morning television shows in the 1990s have ever used the phrase “have a hit of marijuana.” I read it a few days ago and I just have not been able to get over it. “Have a hit of marijuana.” What are we doing here? Say it out loud right now. It doesn’t even feel like the words are supposed to go together.

Strong, for his part, seems to be taking this all in stride, or at least as much as one can take “your older and more cantankerous co-star thinks you need to chill out and is telling anyone with a microphone or notepad about it” in stride. Here’s what he said about the whole thing in his own profile this week.

“I also think Brian Cox, for example, he’s earned the right to say whatever the f**k he wants. There was no need to address that or do damage control… I feel a lot of love for my siblings and my father on the show. And it is like a family in the sense that — and I’m sure they would say this, too — you don’t always like the people that you love. I do always respect them.”

So… that set sounds like fun! I guess. I don’t know. I just hope my sweet boy Cousin Greg is happy. Yes, I know he is played by a real person with a real name. Maybe I’m a little Method in my process, too. Leave me alone.

ITEM NUMBER THREE – Here’s a good tweet about soup

Henry Winkler is a sweet man. Everyone knows this. It’s been the case forever. He was a sweet man when I talked to him a while ago and rambled at him about how I think he should do a fishing show. He does not have to be like this. He was The Fonz. He could be pompous or cranky or any number of things. But he’s not. He’s a delight. He’s that way on Twitter, too. Look at this freaking guy.

I love him so much. I can’t wait for him to go on his fishing trip this year. There’s really nothing quite like scrolling through mountains of negative and cynical tweets about the news of the day and then…

… BLAMMO.

HENRY WINKLER HAS A FISH.

It is legitimately one of my favorite things on the internet. I hope he starts posting pictures of himself with soup next. I promise I am not joking.

ITEM NUMBER FOUR – This is journalism to me

Here’s the short version: Ed Harris, the actor you know from about 100 different things but mostly for playing gruff military-types, appears to have had a quote misattributed to him by the New Jersey Hall of Fame. That’s already fun but it gets better when you see the quote, as discovered and investigated in thorough and delightful detail by Dan McQuade at Defector.

According to a quote that the New Jersey Hall of Fame attributed to Harris, which is printed on a pillar at the rest stop now named after Jon Bon Jovi, Harris says that acting is just like scoring a touchdown. I am not paraphrasing. The quote reads: “Acting is like scoring a touchdown.” The Parkway rest stop, formerly known as the Cheesequake Rest Area, is now one giant ad for the New Jersey Hall of Fame, and its members are celebrated on its walls. All of them have some sort of quote attributed to them. Harris’s is as simple as it is confounding.

Acting is like scoring a touchdown.

Read that again.

One more time.

Anyway, Dan figured out what happened. I really recommend you go read the whole thing. It turns out there are other misattributed and mangled quotes in there, too. You need to see the banners these quotes are printed on. It’s very, very funny. But yes, resolution.

I will spoil it: Ed Harris did not actually say, “Acting is like scoring a touchdown.” His publicist was incredibly helpful with my silly inquiry, and while Harris had been out of town, she got in touch with him. He confirmed that the quote was a mangling of his words.

“I said at one point, when I was deciding what to do with my life, having realized my athletic career was over with,” Harris told Defector via email, “and having seen a wonderful actor at the [Oklahoma University] summer theater and the people applauding and cheering for his performance, I thought to myself: ‘Maybe I could do that… acting—and have people applaud like when I scored touchdowns.’”

In a way, when something like this happens, for me at least, blogging is like scoring a touchdown, too. I just spiked my mouse.

ITEM NUMBER FIVE – Congrats to the collection of maniacs who paraded through Mardi Gras dressed like Jennifer Coolidge in The White Lotus

This is Mardi Gras week in New Orleans. Other places, too, I guess, but who cares? We focus on the important things here. Sometimes. Whatever. I just wanted to tell you about the collection of maniacs who dressed up as Jennifer Coolidge’s character from The White Lotus and then paraded around the French Quarter. My colleague Mike Redmond wrote up a blog about the local news story and I really must insist you keep clicking through until you see the video. But Mike explained it pretty well, too.

“We love Jennifer Coolidge and we know she’s like a local celebrity and we wanted to pay homage to our great success over the past few years,” a member of the Krewe told Robin. “This is just our way of saying, ‘We love you, Jennifer, and we wish you were out here with us.’ Happy Mardi Gras!”

“We just walk down to Bourbon Street and everyone loves the costumes and we just have a good time,” another Krewe member explained. “It’s Coolidge all the way.” From there, the interview was mostly lots of hooting, hollering, and uh, jiggling. These folks were having a good time, okay.

Okay, fine, I will post a TikTok of these maniacs.

This is just really very good. No notes from me. Moving along.

READER MAIL

If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.

From Kevin:

I saw your tweet about the Oscars “crisis team” and I need your opinion on two things right away.

One: Do you think Dominic Toretto and the Family could have stopped Will Smith from slapping Chris Rock?

Two: Oscar Crisis… good fake name?

Okay, a little context. The Oscars announced this week that they’ve put a “crisis team” in place for this year’s ceremony, which is really just like a public relations unit they put in place to put out fires even if it sounds like they’re training mercenaries in a warehouse with lots of ropes and weapons. And I, because I am an idiot, quote-tweeted the announcement with a picture of Vin Diesel, Jason Statham, and Tyrese from F9. We have fun.

Anyway, to answer these…

ONE: I do not think they would have been able to stop him but I do know — based on the history of the franchise and the fact that the picture I posted contains both Statham’s character and Vin Diesel’s character at a barbecue two movies after Statham tried to shoot Vin’s flying car out of the air with a bazooka — that this year’s ceremony would have opened with Chris Rock and Will Smith drinking Coronas with everyone in a backyard somewhere.

TWO: Yes.

Good email.

AND NOW, THE NEWS

To Canada!

For decades, wild pigs have been antagonizing flora and fauna in the US: gobbling up crops, spreading disease and even killing deer and elk.

Excited to see where this one is going.

Now, as fears over the potential of the pig impact in the US grow, North America is also facing a new swine-related threat, as a Canadian “super pig”, a giant, “incredibly intelligent, highly elusive” beast capable of surviving cold climates by tunneling under snow, is poised to infiltrate the north of the country.

INCREDIBLY INTELLIGENT

HIGHLY ELUSIVE

CANADIAN

SUPER PIG

“Wild pigs are easily the worst invasive large mammal on the planet,” said Ryan Brook.

I know this is serious and farmers in the northern states are going to have their hands full with it all. I get that it’s a real problem. But you can’t just give me a phrase like “Canadian super pig” and expect me to move right along. I’m going to need some time. To make jokes. And type with caps lock on. I’m only so strong.

“They’re incredibly intelligent. They’re highly elusive, and also when there’s any pressure on them, especially if people start hunting them, they become almost completely nocturnal, and they become very elusive – hiding in heavy forest cover, and they disappear into wetlands and they can be very hard to locate.”

Hold on.

Wait.

If they’re nocturnal…

Does that mean…

VAMPIRE CANADIAN SUPER PIG?????

Let it fight the cocaine bear, Godzilla vs. Kong-style. I’ll pay $50 for a ticket.

Gorillaz’s eighth studio album Cracker Island is officially out today (February 24). As fans bask in the glory of its release and rerun previously dropped singles, “Silent Running,” “Baby Queen,” and “Skinny Ape,” the legendary group’s leader Damon Albarn is already looking towards the future (and not their derailed movie deal with Netflix).

During an interview with The Sun’s Simon Cosyns, Albarn shared that the untimely passing of past collaborators Terry Hall (of The Specials) and Dave “Trugoy” Jolicoeur (of De La Soul) has forced him to think about the future of the group.

“I’ve lost two good friends who have really inspired me,” said Albarn. Although he didn’t explicitly state that their passing was the root of his thinking, he did detail how both deaths impacted him.

“I had no idea Terry was so ill. Otherwise, I’d have gone to see him,” then adding, “What he and Dave had in common was building bridges between cultures in a very meaningful way. For my development, both were hugely important. I’m just carrying their flames.”

Albarn then shared that he is open to the idea of Gorillaz continuing without him, saying, “I’d like to pass it on to another guy who’s a cartoonist and a musician. That would be amazing.”

The musician has been such a fixture in the band that it would be hard to imagine someone else at the helm.

Gorillaz is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

By the very nature of the American political system, there are at least two sides to any one argument. And while the current Republican party has been known to seemingly support all sorts of wild shenanigans (see: January 6), you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone to stand behind David Eastman. As the Associated Press reports, the Alaska congressman was censured by his state’s House following his comments that kids who die as a result of child abuse are “actually a benefit to society.”

On Monday, Trevor Storrs — president and CEO of the Alaska Children’s Trust, an NGO that works to “ensure all Alaskan children and youth have the tools and resources necessary to grow up safe and healthy” — was testifying during a committee hearing about adverse childhood experiences when Eastman made his now-infamous statement. The congressman wanted to know Storrs thoughts on “the argument that I have heard on occasion where, in the case where child abuse is fatal, obviously it’s not good for the child, but it’s actually a benefit to society.” Because — gulp — that child would no longer require the government services they might need if they had actually survived at the hand of their abuser(s).

It took Storrs, who was visibly taken aback (as you can see in the video above), a moment to actually process the comment. So much so that he asked him to repeat the question: “Did you say, ‘a benefit for society?’”

Eastman responded:

“Talking dollars… for victims of fatal child abuse, it gets argued periodically that it’s actually a cost savings because that child is not going to need any of those government services that they might otherwise be entitled to receive and need based on growing up in this type of environment.”

On Wednesday, two days after the hearing, Alaska’s House of Representatives voted to censure Eastman in a 35-1 vote. The one member who voted against censuring the congressman? Eastman himself.

The AP reports that it’s not Eastman’s first censure rodeo. In 2017, the controversial congressman was censured following his insistence that women in Alaska were doing their darndest to get pregnant in order to take advantage of a government-funded “free to the city” for an abortion.

Sounds like Sarah Palin may have soon some competition for being Alaska’s most notorious lawmaker.

(Via Associated Press)

Spring is nearly here. Yes, part of the country is covered in ice, but we’re all closer to spring break than we are to last Christmas. With that in mind, let’s shake up a great spring-has-sprung cocktail — the Bee’s Knees.

This cocktail is a throwback to the days of Prohibition. It’s also a medicinal throwback with honey and lemon in the mix as a reparative elixir with botanical gin. It feels like a sunbeam in a glass. You might actually see some leaves and flowers spring forth when drinking this delicious concoction.

The best part? It’s super easy to make. This is a basic sour shaker that has three core ingredients and takes about zero skills. If you can shake and measure, you can make this. That makes this a great cocktail to shake until the sun sets on Labor Day next September. Sound good? Let’s get shaking!

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Bee’s Knees

Ingredients:

• 2 oz. gin
• 0.5 oz. fresh lemon juice
• 0.5 oz. honey syrup
• Lemon peel
• Ice

Use good gin. That’s the key to this drink. I like the mild botanical vibes of Monkey 47. It’s a molasses-based gin with a mild array of botanicals that really play well with citrus and honey. Beyond that, you can find honey syrup at any decent liquor store and lemons at the grocery store.

What You’ll Need:

• Coupe, cocktail glass, or Nick and Nora (prechilled)
• Cocktail shaker
• Cocktail strainer
• Fine sieve strainer
• Paring knife
• Hand juicer
• Jigger

Method:

• Add the gin, honey syrup, and lemon juice to a cocktail shaker. Add a large handful of ice and then shake until very well-chilled (until the shaker is ice-cold to touch).
• Fetch the glass from the freezer and strain the cocktail into the glass with the cocktail strainer and through a fine sieve strainer (to aerate).
• Express the oils of the lemon peel over the cocktail and then rub the peel’s oils around the rim of the glass and stem. Discard the peel and serve.

Bottom Line:

This is like ginny lemon candy in a glass. The sweetness of the honey attaches to the sweeter edge of the gin to create that aforementioned ray of sunshine. The honey adds a creamy yet bright edge as well.

The botanical-ness of the gin is dialed back with a hint of red berries, mild bitter citrus, and a faint touch of pine coming through. All of that really works with the fresh lemon and honey — which leave you feeling lighter and brighter as you sip. This is so refreshing that you’ll be shaking up another before you know it.

After months of speculation, Succession creator Jesse Armstrong finally confirmed that the HBO series will end with Season 4, and let’s just say that fans were not prepared to learn that this upcoming season with the Roys would be their last. According to Armstrong, the decision was made back in November/December 2021, and no, it had nothing to do with Jeremy Strong’s method acting. At the end of the day, Armstrong just wanted to ended the series while it was still “muscular” and not drawn out by mini-seasons or just overstaying its welcome.

Via The New Yorker:

We could do a couple of short seasons, or two more seasons. Or we could go on for ages and turn the show into something rather different, and be a more rangy, freewheeling kind of fun show, where there would be good weeks and bad weeks. Or we could do something a bit more muscular and complete, and go out sort of strong. And that was definitely always my preference. I went into the writing room for Season 4 sort of saying, “I think this is what we’re doing, but let’s also keep it open.” I like operating the writing room by coming in with a sort of proposition, and then being genuinely open to alternative ways of going. And the decision to end solidified through the writing and even when we started filming: I said to the cast, “I’m not a hundred per cent sure, but I think this is it.” Because I didn’t want to bullshit them, either.

While fans will ultimately appreciate Succession going out on its own terms, that doesn’t mean they were ready to hear that Season 4 is the last ride with the wildly dysfunctional Roy family. Here are just some of the reactions pouring in:

To make things worse, a couple of fans did the math and it looks like Succession will be ending right around the same time that Ted Lasso could also be ending, and that started a whole new wave of Kendall crying reactions:

Succession Season 4 premieres March 26 on HBO.

(Via The New Yorker)

The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power proved that you don’t need Peter Jackson to make a successful show or movie set in Middle-Earth — but it sure helps. He directed all three films in the Oscar-winning The Lord of the Rings trilogy, as well as The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, and The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies. That was also the most recent film he directed, back in 2014. Will Jackson step behind the camera again for the just-announced new Lord of the Rings movies?

The short answer: no. The longer answer: kinda?

On Thursday, Warner Bros. Discovery revealed “multiple” films based on author J.R.R. Tolkien’s books are in early development. No plot details have been made public, but in a statement, Jackson, along with his writing partners Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens, said, “Warner Brothers and Embracer have kept us in the loop every step of the way. We look forward to speaking with them further to hear their vision for the franchise moving forward.”

Jackson is already more involved with the upcoming Lord of the Rings movies, whatever they end up being, than he is with The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power. That’s a promising sign, but hey, if he wants to return to his splatter-horror days instead of almost needing hypnotherapy again, that works, too.

(Via Deadline)

How do you mark the passage of a dozen years with a reboot/relaunch when part of the original’s charm is in how the characters were seemingly stuck in their nowhere jobs nursing fading aspirations while just trying to get by? That was the main question I had going into the long-awaited third season of Party Down (which returns tonight on Starz), a cult series/comedy nerd litmus test from the pre-stream era. Luckily, series creator John Enboom doesn’t make us wait too long, advancing the story immediately while also presenting the central go-nowhere cater-waiter jobs as a sort of magnet pulling those lucky enough to break free back into its orbit. But hey, misery loves company, right?

For Adam Scott, the show’s lead who went on to become part of one of TV’s most beloved pairs beside Amy Poehler on Parks And Rec before becoming a tortured office drone in Severance, it wasn’t hard to refind the unifying imposter syndrome that drove his performance as talented but burnt out Henry Pollard. It’s something we discussed when we spoke recently ahead of the show’s return, in addition to getting his thoughts on whether he ever gave up on the dream of a reunion, and why it wouldn’t have worked as the long-ago planned movie. Freed from being asked by people like me about when the show is coming back, however, we also honored the roles of TV journo and actor by gently touching on the mysterious Severance before getting the known and noted U2 pundit’s take on what hits him as the band’s most important song.

You’re not going to have people asking you about when Party Down is coming back anymore, big congratulations on that. I’m sure you’ve been asked that a thousand times.

That’s so true. Almost every interview since 2010, I get asked. And it’s great because it means people care, but you’re right. That’s so funny.

Did you ever think this wasn’t going to come back?

100%. Yeah, there was a chunk of years there where we just figured it was never going to happen because right after it ended in 2010, like 2011, 2012, we were pretty close to making the Party Down movie. And then that just ended up falling apart. And honestly, my gut feeling then was relief. Not because it wouldn’t have been cool. John (Enboom) wrote a terrific script. It was really good, really funny, and everything you would want in a Party Down movie. It just sort of occurred to us that maybe Party Down shouldn’t be a movie.

One of the great things about it is the central conceit of the show, the device of one party per episode, new circumstances, new environment, new cast of characters for our main people to deal with. That all just sort of goes out the window if it’s a movie. I mean, you could have three parties or two parties or whatever. But then it’s like, are you going to go to Casey’s apartment? Are you going to go to Henry’s place? Do you want to see their apartments? Do you want to see Kyle doing his laundry? Or do we just want to see them at the party with their pink bow ties on doing stupid stuff? So, then we were thinking maybe we’ll do some episodes. And it was pre-streaming, so it was challenging to think about how to do that. And so, then there was a period of years there where we just figured it was never going to happen, even though we all really wanted to (do it). But then we all did this Vulture reunion a few years ago. And it was just sort of magical. Being in a room together was super fun and that’s when we started seriously talking about figuring something out.

Was the urge to come back an unfinished business thing because of the way it ended (not entirely on your guys’ terms), or was it more just, it’s fun and you just wanted to keep the flame alight to work together again?

It ended prematurely, I think for all of us. I think we all felt like we would’ve kept doing it forever, I think. Every single one of us, we loved it so much. And I think part of it is that we all connected pretty directly with the circumstances that these characters were in with the idea of trying to achieve your dream in show business and success being just out of reach. I mean, we just all had our faces pressed up against the glass in 2008 when we made the show.

And we didn’t have any expectations about it being anything. We didn’t even think anyone would see it. We just loved doing it for each other, for ourselves. It was just fun. And we felt it was special. And John was writing these incredible scripts, so we all wanted to keep doing it. I think part of the need over the years to try and find a way to do it was chasing that feeling again.

Last time we spoke I asked you about when you got past that feeling of having your face pressed up against the glass and you mentioned the 2010-2012 Parks and Rec, Party Down, Step Brothers era. Now, you’re removed from that by 10 or so years, well-established. Is it hard to feel that (sense of struggle) and to still connect with this character as much?

No. And you would think it would be, but it’s really not. It’s always there right beneath the surface. No matter what, you still feel exactly the same. Just last night, I was shooting Severance. And I was in the middle of a scene just thinking, “What am I doing? I suck. This is ridiculous. When am I going to be found out?” And that just sort of never goes away. And so, it wasn’t hard to locate at all.

I think you all did a great job working around Lizzy Caplan’s absence. Can you tell me a little bit about that and bringing Jennifer Garner on?

Yeah, we were all bummed when Lizzy couldn’t do it, including her. But it just wasn’t possible schedule-wise. And this six weeks we had carved out was the only time we’d be able to make the show with everybody, with the entire cast, and didn’t know if we would get a chance again. So, when Lizzy couldn’t do it, John kind of went away for a weekend and figured out how to handle it. And I think, like you said, he came up with the perfect way to handle it, a perfect way for it to fit into the Party Down world and the ethos of the show.

And then for the character of Evie, we were always talking about someone like Jennifer Garner, like a Jennifer Garner type to play this really impressive woman, but never thinking that we would have a shot at actually getting Jennifer Garner to be on Party Down. But someone had the idea, “Let’s just try. Let’s just offer it to her.” And we just Hail Mary-ed it to her, figuring she’ll pass and then we’ll find the person to play Evie. And to all of our surprise, she actually wanted to do it, so it was great. And she just arrived on set, just ready to go and just so funny. And we all know what a great actor she is, but she is just hilarious, and if you watch some of her more comedic performances, you know how funny she is. So, it wasn’t a surprise. It was just a delight.

Shows that have a captivating central mystery to them — a Lost, Yellowjackets, and now Severance — I’m always curious if the outside voices get into the process, once they move from season one where you guys are in a vacuum to season two when it’s been out in the world. As you are all going through season two, is there any sense of that? Do you feel like anything has changed?

You mean as far as fan theories and stuff?

Fan theories and the influence of having everyone be focused on the mystery as opposed to when you guys were just creating it kind of off to the side. Is there any sense of pressure (with that much attention) now?

Yeah, of course. I think the main difference is that now everything has to be a secret, whereas before no one cared. Soon after the show came out, I remember Ben (Stiller) and I talking about how weird it is that we have to be so secretive. And people know what an innie and outie is. It’s just bizarre because like you said, we made it in a vacuum and no one cared. We were just making this weird little show. I would say that’s the main difference. I think everything else is pretty much going as planned.

Now someone’s off to the side with a blow dart in case you divulge too much, like a Marvel movie.

That’s right. That’s right.

Last time, I asked you about what the most important REM song was to you. This time I’d like to know what the most important U2 song is for you?

I think that “Miracle Drug” is still a favorite of mine (from How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb). And it was never a single or anything. It’s just, I always found it an emotionally resonant song. But it’s also catchy. It has this great hook to it.

And I really love “Red Hill Mining Town” and “In God’s Country” and “One Tree Hill” — those Joshua Tree songs. I love that run on side two, partly because it’s not as kind of worn out as the side one songs, which are also incredible, but we’ve just heard them much more.

‘Party Down’ season 3 makes its long-awaited return on Starz Friday, February 24.

The other week, Halsey announced that she would be releasing a fan-favorite demo of “Die 4 Me” that she’d been performing on tour over the summer. The song was originally a Post Malone collaboration, but this new version, officially out today (February 24), watches the singer step out on her own for the scathing track.

Her verse in the original “Die 4 Me” was ferocious, and this new version goes all-in. Her flows are impassioned and razor-sharp against the trap beat: “They say what the devil can’t do / He’s gonna send a woman to.” It’s packed with disses, frustrations, and regrets, but it’s empowering at the same time: “I sold forty million copies of our break-up note,” she gloats.

Upon the announcement of the song, Halsey made a thoughtful post. “Next Friday I’ve got a little surprise coming,” Halsey wrote on Instagram. “It’s been long known in my fanbase that there’s a demo of ‘Die For Me’ with just me on it. I performed my verse on the tour all summer long and since so many people have asked for it, I decided to put my full version out as ‘Die 4 Me.’ It’s dropping next week on 2/24 and I can’t wait for y’all to hear it. Big big thanks to @postmalone @louisbell and @future for having me on the original release and co-signing this version finally seeing daylight.”

Listen to the new version of “Die 4 Me” above.