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Liam Neeson Stars In ‘Marlowe,’ A Neo-Noir, Thinking-Man’s ‘Taken’

This week, Liam Neeson picks up where Humphrey Bogart, Elliot Gould, Robert Mitchum, James Caan, and few others left off, playing one of the original hard-boiled noir detectives, Philip Marlowe. The pulp novelist Raymond Chandler created Marlowe back in the 1920s, but Neeson is playing him in Marlowe, an adaptation of The Black-Eyed Blonde, a nouveau Marlowe homage written in 2014 by John Banville under the pen name “Benjamin Black” (“noir” means “black,” get it?).

In bringing Neeson’s Taken baggage to an adaptation of Marlowe fan-fiction, in one sense, Marlowe is kind of a knockoff of a knockoff, pop culture simply metastasizing reflexively from era to era as it tends to do. Yet in another, and I imagine Marlowe director Neil Jordan (The Crying Game) knew what he was doing here, Marlowe is a weirdly perfect synthesis of American antiheroes.

If early 20th century fiction gave us the “hard-boiled detective,” as personified by Marlowe and a handful of other detectives, the aughts gave us “the shadowy (ex-)operator,” as personified by Jack Bauer, Jason Bourne, and arguably most of all, Liam Neeson. I write Liam Neeson here and not “Bryan Mills,” Neeson’s character in Taken, because the larger universe of ex-operator fiction encompassed far more movies, and was connected more by Neeson the actor than any character he was playing. Hence why Key & Peele never used “Bryan Mills” in their valet sketches (“Don’t even try and be Russian around Liam Neesons!”).

The popularity of these figures must say something about the culture that produces them, and in the thirties, we loved seeing a self-avowed “working stiff,” a functional alcoholic who was “just doing his job” get caught up in the various plots and schemes of rich folks, femmes fatale, and shadowy cabals (the 1930s being a particularly hot time for shadowy cabals). He generally listened more than he talked, was good with a quip, and didn’t shrink before the kinds of symbols and totems of wealth and power the wealthy and powerful generally expected people to.

During the War On Terror, that character just had to also be some kind of ex-special forces spook, a troop who was more than just a troop, now happily retired and focused more on his immaculate flower gardens or whatever. The fantasy here being, I suppose, that the covert warfighters we sent out to do our dirty business at the time were prodigies at carving order from chaos. A doomsday prepper who spent his days building immaculate dollhouse furniture from the comfort of his meticulously booby-trapped house was the ideal aughts anti-hero.

The private dick and the retired operator were probably more alike than they were different, however, both monk-like and secretly romantic behind the misanthropic, jaded and gruff exteriors, with a Victorian sense of morality and a soft spot for women. Naturally, they could also beat people up.

In Marlowe, Liam Neeson is probably a little old for a noir detective, but he’s the perfect age to play Liam Neeson, who is canonically always a little too old for any role he’s playing. Marlowe is in his office full of harsh shadows one day when in walks Clare Cavendish, played by Diane Kruger (Inglourious Basterds), who wants him to find her disappeared lover, Nico Peterson (Francois Arnaud). Peterson may or may not have been run over by a car in front of the private club where they met. Trying to find out the truth puts Marlowe on a collision course with the head of the club, played by the terminally theatrical Danny Huston (perfectly cast), a put-upon homicide detective played by Ian Hart, the city’s main mafia character played by Alan Cumming, and most of all, Clare’s ex-silent film superstar mother, Dorothy Cavendish, played by Jessica Lange.

In practice, Marlowe mostly drives from place to place having wry little dialogues with people and occasionally beating people up. Unlike Neeson’s Taken and post-Taken output, martial arts and fisticuffs aren’t really the point. Most of the interactions last only a few punches, which is a lot less straining on the viewer’s disbelief suppressor. The dialogue also seems more like the main attraction here, and while the verbose script (from screenwriter William Monahan) isn’t especially naturalistic, it is mostly enjoyable. Basically, instead of growling threats, Neeson mostly flirts with dangerous women and verbally spars with dangerous men, in between philosophizing with cops and fellow dicks while pushing his fedora forward and backward on his head, as the situation requires.

Think: a more genteel Taken with a literary bent and period costumes. The plot, involving drugs, a studio head-turned-ambassador, and a plaster mermaid smuggled from Mexico, isn’t exactly Chinatown, but it’s just interesting enough to keep watching even without 100% buy-in.

Marlowe is a little gorier than you imagine an original Chandler adaptation would’ve been, with a little more punching, and Marlowe has now been retconned as a veteran of the battle of the Somme. This manages to suit both our modern conception of the antihero as an ex-troop, and comes basically straight from Raymond Chandler’s own bio.

It would be overly generous to Marlowe, which I don’t envision being a smash hit, to call it a fitting capstone to the era of the post-Taken antihero, though that style has gotten a little stale and the mantle has mostly been taken over by Gerard Butler. Marlowe is largely a nostalgia play for noir lovers, though it does seem fitting that the updated version of Taken Liam Neeson is less special forces superman and more working stiff at the mercy of financially motivated forces beyond his control.

‘Marlowe’ is only in theaters, February 15th. Vince Mancini is on Twitter. You can read more of his reviews here.

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Marc Maron Tried His Hand At Being An Advice Columnist, And It Went Pretty Well, Actually

With a new comedy special to promote, comedian and prolific podcaster Marc Maron stepped in to field questions for the “Dear Prudence” advice column over at Slate. While he’s known for his acerbic comedy style, and can be a bit of a curmudgeon when the mood strikes, Maron actually did a pretty good job handling relationship queries, vehicular advice, and rude extended family members.

One particular question hit close to home when a woman asked how to handle an ex-husband who’s constantly bringing over books or DVDs and telling her that she has to read them. Turns out, Maron used to do something very similar until his ex-wife basically told him to knock it off. Via Slate:

I used to email my ex-wife once a year on a particular day for a particular reason. She would never respond. Eventually, she emailed back, “If I want to hear from you, I’ll let you know.” It was succinct and understood. I was the annoying guy. Granted, she hates me, but that’s not the point.

Your ex probably has no idea that he’s crossing a line. I think it’s totally correct for you to tell him that it makes you uncomfortable and you think it’s inappropriate. If he gets hurt, fine—makes it easier. You have to move on. It’s been long enough. It’s unfair for him to try to hold on to you like he is—which is exactly what he’s doing.

Maron also had some solid advice for a woman whose in-laws refused to respect her and husband’s rules about posting their daughter’s pictures on social media. You can read the justifiably blunt advice and others at Slate.

Marc Maron: From Bleak to Dark is now streaming on HBO Max.

(Via Slate)

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Report: The Heat Are Expected To Pursue Kevin Love After He’s Bought Out By The Cavs

The Kevin Love era with the Cleveland Cavaliers is reportedly coming to a close. According to Shams Charania and Jason Lloyd of The Athletic, Love and the Cavaliers are working towards a contract buyout that will see the veteran forward hit the free agent market.

The Athletic went on to report that there is already a team that’s expected to pursue Love with an eye on filling a hole in their rotation: the Miami Heat.

The Heat have an open roster spot and have canvassed the market recently for a big man, sources said. Miami could offer Love a reserve role with ample minutes behind All-Star Bam Adebayo. Miami is seventh in the East at 32-27, but only a half-game behind the sixth-place Knicks and 2 1/2 games behind the Nets.

Love is the final remaining member of the 2016 Cavaliers team that won an NBA title on the current roster. He’s been with the team ever since 2014, when they traded to acquire him from the Minnesota Timberwolves in a three-team deal that included the Philadelphia 76ers. The runner-up for the NBA’s Sixth Man of the Year award last season, Love has averaged 8.5 points, 6.8 rebounds, and 1.9 assists in 20 minutes per game this year while connecting on 35.4 percent of his attempts from behind the three-point line.

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Elizabeth Olsen Stars As The Second TV Version Of Accused Ax-Murderer Candy Montgomery In HBO’s ‘Love And Death’ Trailer

It’s not really a true crime phenomenon if there aren’t multiple streaming services trying to retell the same story, right? Last year, Jessica Biel starred in Candy, based on the real-life story of Candy Montgomery, a tale that involves an affair that later turns into an infamous murder case in 1980s Texas.

Of course, one reenactment wasn’t enough, so HBO Max had to pull out all the stops for their own series, Love and Death, based on the same case. Sure, Hulu’s adaptation had Justin Timberlake as a cop, but HBO’s take on the story has Elizabeth Olsen as Candy, along with Jesse Plemons, Lily Rabe, and Krysten Ritter if that’s more up your alley. We know that Olsen can play the disillusioned housewife role pretty well. As per the official synopsis:

This riveting drama, written by David E. Kelley and directed by Lesli Linka Glatter, tells the true story of Candy and Pat Montgomery and Betty and Allan Gore – two churchgoing couples enjoying their smalltown Texas life… until an extramarital affair leads somebody to pick up an axe.

Not only is there a stellar cast, but the vintage looks alone should be enough to convince you to tune in. Come for the murder, stay for the retro hairstyles and over-the-top wallpaper. Plus: Krysten Ritter!

Love and Death
HBO Max

The series will debut with the first three episodes on April 27th, then weekly through May 27th. Check out the trailer above.

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Not Even Rihanna’s Dancers Knew She Was Pregnant Ahead Of Her Super Bowl Performance

During her Super Bowl Halftime Show performance, Rihanna shocked the world with the reveal of her second pregnancy. It wasn’t just Super Bowl attendees and viewers at home who were caught by surprise, though; not even her fleet of dancers knew what was up before the big game.

In an interview with Entertainment Tonight, two of her dancers, Laila Hayes and Luhnyae Campbell, said that the cold weather during rehearsals allowed Rihanna to hide her baby bump. In fact, because they were too busy absolutely nailing their elaborate choreography, they didn’t even see it until they watched the televised replay later.

Hayes said, “We were all confused watching it during the real thing when she went up there and was showing her stomach. She wore the same outfit for one of the dress rehearsals but it was zippered up.” Cambell echoed, “I never saw a bump. Not even the day of. I had to rewatch the performance on YouTube to realize.”

@luhnyae

Replying to @koochiepotpie tried to answer most of the main questions with this one! And did we get paid? YESSS AHH #rihannahalftimeshow #fyp

♬ original sound – Luhnyae

The Loewe coat Rihanna wore onto the field — a nod to André Leon Talley — was large enough to cover up, but at the start of the performance, she opened it to reveal the custom molded breastplate that hugged her belly. Fans were left to speculate — and crack jokes — until a representative confirmed the pregnancy just a few minutes after the performance.

Since you’re already here, why not watch it again below?

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Spike Lee Isn’t Mad At Harry Styles But Called Beyoncé’s Album Of The Year Snub ‘Straight-Up Bullsh*t’

Beyoncé won Best Dance/Electronic Music Album with Renaissance at the 2023 Grammys on February 5. It marked 32nd career Grammy, making her the winningest artist of all time. That felt inevitable.

The surprise came at the end of the night when Harry Styles won Album Of The Year, and many were left flabbergasted that Renaissance became the latest album of Beyoncé’s four albums to be snubbed by the Recording Academy for Album Of The Year.

Jay-Z downplayed the snub, but leave it to Spike Lee to lay it all out there.

“I’m not the male president of the Beyhive, but I love and support Beyoncé,” Lee said in a wide-ranging interview with The Guardian. “Her album is amazing. I know she’s won multiple Grammys, but four times nominated for Album Of The Year, and she’s lost every time? No disrespect to those artists like Adele or Harry Styles who won. It’s not their fault, but that’s some straight-up bullsh*t.”

The transcendent filmmaker continued, “There’s a history of great Black artists who come up for these awards and don’t win. We all know their work is great because art speaks for itself. But then, it always comes down to this tricky territory of validation. Do Black artists say: ‘F*ck it,’ or seek white validation and chase awards? I just want to give a shoutout to my sister Beyoncé. We know what the deal is. It’s straight-up shenanigans, skulduggery, subterfuge. Or as the British say: It’s some poppycock!”

The Grammys are in Beyoncé’s rearview. She’s preparing to start her Renaissance World Tour this May in Sweden. The intensely sought-after tour will hit North America this summer, beginning in Toronto on July 8 and finishing in New Orleans on September 27.

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Missy Elliott Wants You To Know That ‘Women Have Played A Big Part In Hip-Hop’

Fresh off of the Grammys’ 50th-anniversary celebration of hip-hop and her Doritos Super Bowl ad with Jack Harlow, Missy Elliott wants more of her fellow female rap pioneers to be honored by the culture at large. In a new interview with Forbes, Missy implores the current wave of female rappers taking over hip-hop to research the acts who paved the way for them.

“Women have played a big part in what we call hip-hop — in this culture,” she says. “These women are my friends, and we don’t just come together when it’s time to perform; we speak on the phone and hang around each other, but I’m never in such a relaxed, comfortable space because I always think about how these are the same women that I looked up to and still do. They have kicked down the doors for all the women you see today in 2023. Even if the women that are out now may not be familiar with all of their records, they have to know that these women are the reason they’re able to be on many of these platforms.”

For example, she credits Salt-N-Pepa with inspiring her to rhyme. “It felt like they were the whole package,” she says. “They had the records, but they also made us want to dress like them. They were just smooth. They also danced and were the reason that I got into rapping.” Hopefully, she can pass that torch; she’s currently nominated for the 2023 class of the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame, so her blueprint is certainly worth following.

Missy Elliott is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

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Julius Randle Will Replace Anfernee Simons In The Three-Point Contest

Julius Randle will participate in All-Star Saturday night in Salt Lake City. According to Shams Charania of The Athletic, Randle is expected to be named to the Three-Point Contest this year after Portland Trail Blazers youngster Anfernee Simons suffered an injury that will prevent him from competing.

Shortly after Charnia reported the news, the NBA confirmed that Randle is in the event.

As Charania noted, the ankle injury that Simons suffered during Portland’s loss to the Washington Wizards earlier this week will require “further evaluation,” although the extent of the injury is still unclear.

Randle will already be in Salt Lake City for the All-Star festivities, as the New York Knicks standout was named to Sunday’s game for the second time in his career. Both of his appearances have come during Randle’s tenure as a member of the Knicks. Randle is averaging a career-best 24.8 points per game this year and is launching from three more than ever before — his 2.7 made triples and eight attempted threes per game are both the highest marks of his career, while his 33.8 percent clip from behind the arc is right around his career average.

Randle will join Tyrese Haliburton, Tyler Herro, Buddy Hield, Kevin Huerter, Damian Lillard, Lauri Markkanen, and Jayson Tatum as a participant in this year Three-Point Contest.

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Bruce Springsteen Accidentally Hit His Guitar Tech In The Head During His Tour With The E Street Band

Bruce Springsteen has more or less perfected musical performance over the last five-plus decades, but that doesn’t mean he’s immune to the occasional mishap. Last May, Springsteen and his famed E Street Band announced their first tour together since 2017. The international trek began stateside this month, and they tacked on 22 US dates for later this year.

On Tuesday, February 14, in Houston, Springsteen busted out “If I Was The Priest” for the first time on stage in 50 years — an early highlight from the tour. But this morning, February 16, a fan-taken video circulating from Springsteen’s February 3 show in Atlanta (as noted by NME) provided a clumsy, semi-funny lowlight.

The Boss nonchalantly tossed his guitar to Kevin Buell, Springsteen’s longtime guitar tech. Buell appeared to trip while trying to catch the airborne guitar, and it hit him in the head as he fell to the ground. Springsteen casually walked over to Buell to make sure he was OK, which he must have been because Springsteen quickly returned to the mic and jokingly yelled some version of “Man down!”

Springsteen and the E Street Band are scheduled to play at the Moody Center in Austin, Texas tonight before hitting Kansas City, Missouri’s T-Mobile Center on Saturday, February 18. This US leg will wrap at the Prudential Center in Newark, New Jersey on April 14, and then the international leg will begin in Barcelona on April 28.

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‘South Park’ Took Scathing Aim At Prince Harry, Meghan Markle, And ‘The Worldwide Privacy Tour’

The Royal Ruckus involving the Windsors vs. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle has been an ongoing doozy. People took sides and largely stuck with them, and the mudslinging from both sets of spectators has gotten ugly. And although it’s been incredibly easy to see Meghan and Harry’s side of things when commentators like Piers Morgan are pouring a lot of effort into their vitriol, it’s also been, well, a lot. Perhaps Harry and Meghan really should have taken a breather from public life, but then again, they have to earn a living, and then there’s the sense of fatigue out here.

Although Harry’s memoir did sell an absurd amount of copies, there was a point when overexposure became real. It’s pretty hard to claim an all-encompassing craving for privacy while launching a Netflix docuseries about their lives with Harry also discussing losing one’s virginity in a field and so on. That’s where South Park comes in with their “The Worldwide Privacy Tour” episode, which skewers the contradictions, arguably in an uncouth way that presents no real winners.

A set of characters, clearly Harry and Meghan but never explicitly named, arrive on the set of Good Morning Canada (to promote a memoir entitled, Waugh) while brandishing signs that read, “Stop looking at us!” and “We want our privacy!” From there, the situation devolves further into “Harry” declaring, “How dare you, sir! My Instagram loving b*tch wife has always wanted her privacy.” Below, the gang discusses the Royal duo in the cafeteria, where Kyle declares, “I’m sick of hearing about them! … They’re everywhere, in my f*cking face!” To which Cartman responds, “We don’t care about some dumb prince and his stupid wife.”

When Kyle and Cartman agree on a subject, that’s something. As of now, there’s been no public response from either the Windsors or the Sussexes, but something else can also be said: when you land on South Park, you know you’ve arrived.

Comedy Central’s South Park is streaming on Paramount+.