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Mel Brooks hasn’t directed a movie since 1995’s Dracula: Dead and Loving It (which I explicably made my friends watch on my ninth birthday), but he’s kept busy by writing musicals, pranking Barack Obama and endorsing Joe Biden, and being an all-around wonderful person. Brooks is also overseeing a TV show based on History of the World, Part I called History of the World, Part II, and it stars basically everyone you like.

Previously-announced cast members Nick Kroll, Wanda Sykes, and Ike Barinholtz will be joined on the Hulu series by Pamela Adlon, Tim Baltz, Zazie Beetz, Jillian Bell, Quinta Brunson, Dove Cameron, D’Arcy Carden, Ronny Chieng, Rob Corddry, Danny DeVito, David Duchovny, Hannah Einbinder, Jay Ellis, Josh Gad, Kimiko Glenn, Brandon Kyle Goodman, Jake Johnson, Richard Kind, Johnny Knoxville, Lauren Lapkus…

I need a moment here to catch my breath. It’s a lot of names.

…Jenifer Lewis, Poppy Liu, Joe Lo Truglio, Jason Mantzoukas, Ken Marino, Jack McBrayer, Zahn McClarnon, Charles Melton, Kumail Nanjiani, Brock O’Hurn, Andrew Rannells, Emily Ratajkowski, Sam Richardson, Nick Robinson, Seth Rogen, Sarah Silverman, Timothy Simons, J.B. Smoove, David Wain, Taika Waititi, Reggie Watts, and Tyler James Williams.

With a cast like that, you would be making a “French Mistake” if you don’t watch History of the World, Part II. (Yes, I know that’s a Blazing Saddles reference. Back off, OK?)

History of the World, Part II premieres on Hulu on Monday, March 6, with two episodes. Two new episodes will drop daily, with the finale on Thursday, March 9.

When audiences sat through Marvel’s 2022 hit Spider-Man: No Way Home, Gen Xers, millennials, and zoomers alike were thrilled to hear De La Soul’s 3 Feet High And Rising song “The Magic Number” during the film’s closing credits. However, they were equally disappointed once they checked Spotify (or Apple Music or Tidal, depending on their individual preference) only to learn that De La’s catalog remained woefully out of circulation on DSPs (or Digital Streaming Platforms). This was, of course, due to a protracted legal battle with their former label, Tommy Boy Records, as well as the dozens — possibly hundreds — of potentially uncleared samples throughout their first six albums.

This year, though, those fans got the best news: De La Soul has not only retained their publishing for those albums, but they also sorted their sample issues, announcing that the catalog would be available for streaming this March. And today, fans got the first fruits of those efforts, fittingly, with the debut of “The Magic Number,” the group’s surprise 30-year-old hit, on DSPs. We embedded the YouTube up top, but you can check it out on the streamer of your choice.

Meanwhile, the rest of the catalog comes to streaming on 3/3/23, giving fans the chance to follow Pharrell’s advice about which two albums are must-listens (I argue that they all are).

The Phoenix Suns are going through this season without the services of veteran forward Jae Crowder. While Crowder is under contract, he’s found himself sitting at home waiting for the Suns to trade him elsewhere ever since the preseason. Fast forward to today and Phoenix finds itself in desperate need of reinforcements — the team is 21-22 and only one game away from falling out of the play-in tournament in the Western Conference — while Crowder is nowhere to be found.

On Friday, Chris Haynes of Bleacher Report published an interview with Crowder, who indicated that he believes the team pushed him “out the door” and expressed that he is “confused and hurt my coaches didn’t appreciate the things I brought to our team and organization.”

Via Bleacher Report:

“I’ve spoken to every player that I’ve played with on that team and they all have stressed how much they miss [me] and respect my decision, and I’m thankful for their understanding,” Crowder told B/R via text message. “This move of pushing me out the door was a blindsided hit to not only me but my teammates, as you can see from speaking to them and myself and the conversations we’ve had behind closed doors.

“I will continue to prepare myself daily for battle once the call is made and continue to be a leader on the court, locker room, as well as off the court. I am thankful my teammates appreciated my leadership. I’m confused and hurt my coaches didn’t appreciate the things I brought to our team and organization. And this has nothing to do with financial or contract differences.”

Crowder, who is 32, is slated to become an unrestricted free agent this summer.

Ezra Miller has been sentenced to one year of probation after the actor appeared in court on Friday to plead guilty to one charge of trespassing in Vermont. Earlier this week, The Flash star reached a plea deal with prosecutors that allowed Miller to duck felony burglary and larceny charges stemming from their arrest over the summer for allegedly breaking into a neighbor’s house and stealing alcohol.

As Miller appeared in court, the plea deal was approved by a judge who accepted the prosecutor’s conditions that Miller continue treatment for their mental health and submit to drug screenings. Via The Hollywood Reporter:

The prosecutor said in court Friday that this resolution protects his client’s privacy without having to go to trial and ensures compliance with conditions that would protect the victim and allows the defendant to continue employment with mental health treatment.

“I do find they strike the balance of both your rehabilitation — and continue to make sure that you’re a healthy citizen — and also a punishment factor here,” said Judge Kerry Ann McDonald-Cady of the deal terms. “So I do find this an appropriate sentence and in the interest of justice.” She added that the conditions are “about mental health, substance-free living” and no contact with the neighbor.

As part of Miller’s probation, the actor agreed to abstain from alcohol if “it interfered with their employment or interaction with others.” The Flash star also thanked the court for agreeing to the terms of the plea deal.

“Ezra would like to thank the court and the community for their trust and patience throughout this process, and would once again like to acknowledge the love and support they have received from their family and friends, who continue to be a vital presence in their ongoing mental health,” Miller’s attorney said in a statement.

(Via The Hollywood Reporter)

The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE – Please chill out

Television is pretty intense lately. There are dragons and demons and whodunnits and mysteries and so so so many tie-ins to existing intellectual property. Disney pretty much churns out a dozen Star Wars and Marvel things every couple months and makes things go boom in them a bunch. HBO is turning over its next couple of months of primo Sunday night airtime to The Last of Us, its new video game-inspired series starring Pedro Pascal in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. It’s a lot. Everything is very big and stressful out there. This is, for the most part, okay, kind of. Big events are fine. Television and movies have always depicted extraordinary people and/or extraordinary circumstances. The tricky thing is when it’s, like, all there is. Which is something we are teetering toward a bit.

There are reasons for this, of course, some having to do with a massive wave of programming hitting us every day and some having to do with this just kind of being the way things are when big money gets involved. Again, it’s fine. Kind of.

It does tend to squeeze out lots of other programming, though. The quieter, slower, more thoughtful stuff, mostly, but also the chill little shows about, like, a cool dude named Phil who lives in Key West and has a dog and they go on little adventures. It’s weird that we have 50 streaming outlets and almost literally millions of hours of content at our disposal and it still feels like there’s no room for that. Before, it was a matter of limited resources. Now, it’s a matter of needing big loud crashboompows to cut through the noise. It’s a bummer either way. And it makes me miss shows like Lodge 49. That show was a hoot. I’m sad about it again.

And so, to help, I will now present the three-part case for bringing back some chill little shows.

PART ONE — IT WOULD BE NICE

It would! Just relaxing on your couch and watching some show about… let’s keep going with “a guy named Phil”… going on harmless little adventures in his town, with no zombies or apocalyptic wastelands or mythical beasts hellbent on destroying humanity. I could watch four of those in a row some Friday night. What’s Phil up to this week? Well, his tropical fish is missing and he has to find it. Knock on some doors, meet some kooky neighbors, maybe get in the wrong Uber and end up on the wrong side of town. There. That’s an episode. And it turns out the fish was in the tank all along, just hiding behind the little treasure chest. Classic Phil.

PART TWO — PEOPLE WOULD LIKE IT

Things are stressful enough out there. All the technology we have created blasts information into our faces all day long in ways designed to make us angry at each other and/or ourselves. We just went through a pandemic. Every election results in otherwise sane(-ish) people sticking signs in their lawns and wearing buttons and hats and yelling at people in the supermarket. That’s too much. We need a break. A nice little show. Maybe Phil buys a go-kart in one episode and starts driving it around town instead of taking an Uber, especially after that mix-up the other week. Maybe he gets a little scooter with a sidecar that his dog rides in. Maybe he uses that to pick people up when he starts driving Uber himself. Oh, Phil, always running into characters. The point is that I can be flexible here. So can Phil.

PART THREE — WHY NOT?

Isn’t this the point? Isn’t this the whole reason to have all these options at our fingertips? To have a variety of choices? Yes, sure, dragon shows and shows where someone has a bomb in the future and people in the present have to figure it out with various puzzles and such, but also chill little shows about a guy named Phil going to the zoo for a week and maybe hitting it off with one of the trainers in the primate enclosure and a bunch of the monkeys getting a little jealous and doing pranks on him every time he tries to ask her out. That could be a show, too. There’s room for that. There should be, at least. Let guys like Phil thrive and flail a little. On television. With a dog. It could work.

ITEM NUMBER TWO – The thing about the Golden Globes

Award shows are silly. Mostly. That’s the main thing. The most attractive people in the world get together and put on outfits that cost as much as your car and then they all hand each other hunks of gold and talk about how important and challenging it is and then people at home watch it on television and develop opinions about everything. I don’t know. It’s weird. It’s even weirder when the award shows are kind of stuffy and pretentious about it, like at the Oscars. Think about it for a while some day. Or don’t. I’ve been thinking about it enough for both of us, apparently.

Anyway, this brings us to the Golden Globes, which aired this week after a year in purgatory due to various revelations about corruption and the blindingly white make-up of its organization. That wasn’t ideal. I was still kind of glad to have them back, though, if only because the Globes are the award show — of the biggies, at least — that seems to accept how silly it all is. Everyone sits at tables together. The champagne flows. The jokes are looser. Jennifer Coolidge gives speeches. It looks like everyone is at least having a decent time. I appreciate that.

Like, look at Mike White accepting his award for The White Lotus.

What’s the point of even winning an award if you can’t get up on stage in a tuxedo after a half dozen glasses of Moët and call out all of your enemies by name? Good for him. We should all be so lucky.

Look at Quinta Brunson, too.

God, I feel this one. Imagine you spend your whole life in a writer’s room grinding away and trying to get your break and then you finally do and you start to get recognition for it and they call your name at an award show and you get up there to give your big speech and you’re getting really into it and you look up for a second and freaking Brad Pitt is like 15 feet away just looking at you. I genuinely do not know if my brain could process it all. I might just go blank and freeze right there on stage in front of God and Seth Rogen and everyone. It would be so embarrassing. One of you monsters would probably turn it into a meme. I would deserve it given… well, everything I‘ve written online ever.

Best case scenario is I end up like Henry Winkler.

What a sweet man. Awards shows are still silly. But stuff like this can make it almost worth it. Let’s do it again next year. On a probationary period. I reserve the right to revoke all of this at a moment’s notice and deny I said any of it.

ITEM NUMBER THREE – Good for Frankie Muniz

Well, guess what: Frankie Muniz is a NASCAR driver now. That’s a sentence I sure did not expect to be typing back in like 2002 when I was watching Malcolm in the Middle, in part because it’s a wild collection of words to put in that order and in part because I don’t think I could have even conceived of this thing I’m doing right now being a real job that pays money. A lot of us are in very different places than we expected to be 20 years ago. Like Frankie Muniz. And me. And Bryan Cranston, who was a sitcom dad on that show and went on to become television’s most famous meth chef. Life is a journey.

But again, Frankie Muniz. Race cars. That’s a thing now.

“It’s with the utmost excitement, optimism and gratitude that I’m joining Rette Jones Racing for the full ARCA Menards Series schedule this year,” he said in a statement. “Ever since childhood, it’s been my dream to pursue racing in NASCAR, and it was important for me to partner with a team that aligned with my long-term objectives and vision, while providing every opportunity imaginable to grow mentally and physically as a full-time race car driver.”

I think this is pretty cool. Lots of child stars have a rough go of it as adults. They keep chasing that level of fame or acceptance or attention through whatever outlet they can. Things don’t always turn out too great. I don’t even need to tick off the names right now. You’re doing it in your head. It’s not a short list. So, like… cool. I’m glad Frankie Muniz has his own thing now. I hope he races those cars really good. Mostly, I hope he’s happy and doing well, but I feel like this is a decent start.

ITEM NUMBER FOUR – Look at Rob Lowe’s hair

So there’s this commercial for the Atkins diet that’s been airing during random sporting events lately. In my area, at least. Maybe you haven’t seen it yet. As far as commercials go, it’s not much. It’s just noted celebrity and longtime Atkins aficionado Rob Lowe looking into the camera and telling the world how great the Atkins diet is. Which is… fine. It’s fine. I googled “rob lowe atkins commercial” to find it and could only find screenshots and weird videos I couldn’t embed but I also learned this: Rob Lowe has done a lot of ads for Atkins. I did not know that. Maybe you didn’t either. Now, we both do. The world is funny like that.

The main thing I took away from the whole thing is… I mean, look at Rob Lowe’s hair in that screenshot. Look how thick and spiky it is. Rob Lowe is 58 years old. His hair should not look like that. It’s upsetting. The closest I’ve come to a solution so far is that he is a genetic marvel or that the Atkins diet is really just terrific for your hair. I’ll need to do more research. We’ll come back to this. Maybe we won’t. Either way, until then, look at Rob Lowe’s hair.

LOOK AT IT.

I DO KNOW WHY THIS IS STICKING WITH ME SO MUCH.

HE LOOKS KIND OF LIKE IF SYNDROME FROM THE INCREDIBLES HAD A COOL UNCLE WHO SURFED.

IT’S UPSETTING.

A LITTLE.

TO ME.

ITEM NUMBER FIVE – I am going to devote my life to robbing this dog

This is the trailer for an upcoming docuseries about a dog named Gunther who is very rich. There are three things I need you to know about Gunther:

• I did not know he existed until this week
• I clicked on this trailer expecting to enjoy it based on my long history or enjoying dogs with exceptional skills or traits, like Air Bud and Dog With a Blog and pretty much every other television dog
• I did not enjoy it

Look at this prick.

The dog’s lineage dates back decades to when Gunther III inherited a multimillion-dollar trust from late owner German countess Karlotta Liebenstein when she died in 1992. Since then, a group of handlers have helped maintain a jet-setting lifestyle for a succession of dogs. There are trips to the Milan and the Bahamas, where the latest Gunther recently dined out at restaurants every evening — his handlers like to make sure he’s well socialized.

A chef cooks his breakfast each morning made of the finest meat, fresh vegetables and rice. Sometimes he enjoys caviar, but there’s never any kibble in sight. He travels by private jet, works on obedience skills daily with his trainer and sleeps in a lavish round, red velvet bed overlooking the bay.

I hate it. I hate it so much. My new goal in life — my only goal, effective immediately — is to rob this dog. Millions of dollars of his stupid fortune. Full-on Ocean’s Eleven situation. You can help if you want. We can make a big fancy plan and follow through with it and maybe one of us can lower ourselves into a vault on some wires or do gymnastics through some lasers or maybe we can just whip a tennis ball really hard in the other direction and take all his stuff while he is chasing it. I’m open to suggestions. This dog has had it too good for too long. The important thing is that we take him down.

For the people.

But mostly for us.

But for the people, too.

READER MAIL

If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.

From Mikael:

The pure enjoyment you take celebrating fun stupidity in your twitter feed makes me happy; “Zoo”, fake names and/or ridiculous real names, the feud between The Rock and Vin Diesel, etc.

The only problem is that now I feel like we’re letting you down when something very much in your wheelhouse happens and we don’t see you reveling in it – like when that 82-year-old went on a burglary spree in NYC by pretending to live in upscale buildings and whenever he was close to getting caught would act all befuddled like he got his buildings mixed up and walk away. It didn’t make your list of top heists that year, nor did you mention it on twitter! We collectively failed to bring Brian a small amount of joy at that time.

And based on that, I felt I would be remiss if I didn’t forward this tweet by Jon Bershad glorying in the unadulterated stupidity of the title for this upcoming Gerard Butler movie.

You have curated your brand well

Okay, a few things. Three, probably.

THING NUMBER ONE: This is a very nice email. I did not post it only because it was a nice email, though. I’m not that starved for approval. Not quite, at least. But you are always welcome to send me nice emails. That is a standing offer from me to you. That I will accept your nice emails. You are very welcome.

THING NUMBER TWO: Regarding the thing about my very stupid brand. I made a decision a while ago that I was just not going to be angry on social media anymore. I found I just genuinely got nothing out of it. It didn’t make me feel better, it was a crappy rain cloud over everyone else, it was just bad vibes all around. I still get angry. I swear at my computer so much. If someone was bugging my apartment they would legitimately think I am unwell. But it’s been a lot better for me to just use Twitter to do stupid jokes about movie cliches and weird heists and that kind of stuff. I like it. And it’s made my experience with social media better, too. I was mostly offline with COVID a few days last week and every time I checked my mentions on Twitter it was just people sending me links to stupid news stories or ridiculous names people have or screenshots of characters telling each other they’re not so different. That was nice. This strategy might not work for everyone but it has worked for me and it has made what is almost objectively a terrible website kind of fun. This is, in a nutshell, what I am about.

THINK NUMBER THREE: I freaking cannot wait to see Plane this weekend. My colleague Mike Ryan saw it and loved it and said the kinds of things about it that make me want to buy tickets for back-to-back showings just in case I want to watch it twice. This is, in the same nutshell, also what I am about. It’s a snug fit inside that nutshell. Nice and cozy.

AND NOW, THE NEWS

To Wisconsin!

An industrial fire at a central Wisconsin dairy plant caused “significant” damage after it sent butter spreading throughout the building and into a nearby canal on Monday.

BUTTER FLOOD

Portage Fire Chief Troy Haase told local reporters that a layer of butter roughly 3 inches thick coated the steps to the building, slowing firefighters as they tried to enter the building. Butter coated the hose line, leaving crews unable to hold onto it any longer.

WAVES OF BUTTER AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE

FIREFIGHTERS SLIPPING ON IT

PASSERSBY SOPPING IT UP WITH BISCUITS

PROBABLY

After several hours with multiple agencies responding, the fire was contained and put out before it could spread past the firewalls and throughout the building.

The Portage Hazmat Team was also called to the scene to contain the butter runoff into the storm sewers and into the Portage Canal. The crews placed boom and other absorbents to control the runoff, according to the fire department.

I WAS JOKING ABOUT THE BISCUIT- SOPPING EARLIER BUT MAYBE IT WAS REAL

EMERGENCY SOPPING

BISCUITS THE SIZE OF TRUCK TIRES

Butter could still be seen floating in the canal on Tuesday.

BUTTER FLOOD

Tini is stepping into 2023 with new music. Last night (January 12), the Argentine pop star released the music video for “Muñecas” featuring Steve Aoki and La Joaqui.

“Muñecas” will be featured on Tini’s upcoming fourth studio album. The song is a Latina girl power moment between Tini and fellow Argentine singer La Joaqui. To push her music to the next level, their collaboration was produced by Aoki. He blended the cumbia beats that Tini is known for with an electronic edge. Tini and La Joaqui trade verses about living their best lives as single women on the dance floor. Tini comes through with an alluring club banger that shows there’s no limits to her sound.

“Muñecas” is the Spanish word for “dolls.” In the video, Tini and La Joaqui are shown in a dollhouse where they are serving fierce looks in every room. Tini translates the sensuality of her song into moves that will most likely inspire dance challenges on TikTok. Aoki also appears in the vibrant video.

Tini revealed that she will release her fourth album next month. The LP will include her global hits like “La Triple T” and “Miénteme” featuring María Becerra. Though Tini sings about being single in “Muñecas,” she’s actually in a relationship with World Cup winner Rodrigo De Paul. He appeared as a special guest during her concert in Buenos Aires last month.

Of the many, many things Kevin McCarthy could do to get back a scintilla of the dignity he lost — both in the eyes of the public, and his own party — during the 15 rounds of voting it took to name him Speaker of the House, condemning serial liar George Santos would be an easy one. However, as CNN reports, McCarthy has no plans to join the chorus of GOP voices calling for the newly elected New York congressman’s resignation. In fact, he says that Santos, who is currently under investigation for the bottomless cup of lies he has served up about himself during his candidacy, will receive committee assignments.

On Thursday, McCarthy held a news conference in which he discussed Santos’ future as a member of the House of Representatives. While he admitted that Santos has “a long way to go to earn trust,” he said that any complaints or calls for Santos’ head would be a matter for the House Ethics Committee to investigate (yes, the same House Ethics Committee that was all but gutted once McCarthy was put in charge — a move that Santos himself described as “fantastic”).

“The voters of his district have elected him,” McCarthy said of his decision to continue to have Santos’ back. “He is seated. He is part of the Republican conference.”

Back in Long Island, leaders of the Nassau County Republican Committee — in the district Santos represents — are also calling for the congressman’s resignation. Santos, who has lied about everything from his educational and professional background to his religion and volleyball prowess, gave a short and clear response to these calls for him to step down: “I will not.”

(Via CNN)

At the Golden Globes on Tuesday, January 11, Austin Butler accepted the award for best actor for his performance in Baz Lurhmann’s Elvis. In his speech, he sounded exactly like Elvis Presley. So much so that it felt like Butler intentionally accepted the award in character. But he wasn’t in character, and Butler claims that he is unaware that he sounds exactly like Elvis now.

“I don’t even think about it. I don’t think I sound like him still, but I guess I must because I hear it a lot,” he told reporters at the Globes, per The Hollywood Reporter. “I often liken it to when somebody lives in another country for a long time and I had three years where that was my only focus in life. So I’m sure that there’s just pieces of my DNA that will always be linked in that way.”

I didn’t do that well in science class but I agree that this is how DNA works. Elvis began production in early 2020 and picked back up later in the year, and hit theaters in June 2022 after premiering at Cannes in May. Although it’s been good two-ish years since Butler played Elvis, he is still very much in a place of Elvis. This has been going on for months now. Throughout the Elvis press tour, Butler sounded like Elvis. This was all in good fun and added to the film’s admirable chaos, but it’s also quite common: actors sometimes actors play up their roles a little bit while promoting a film, to sell their character more: Christian Bale spoke in an American accent while promoting his Batman films because he claims he is bad at accents, and because he didn’t think anyone would buy it if the actor portraying the character was British. Butler is, whether he knows it or not, taking this to an extreme by making the voice permanent. But this is, allegedly, out of Butler’s control, because he is unaware that he speaks like Elvis in an extremely obvious way.

A deep dive into Butler’s pre–pre-Elvis (before Elvis was on the horizon), pre-Elvis, circa 2019 when Elvis was on the horizon, and post-Elvis voices is a journey. In the pre-pre Elvis era, Butler spoke with no accent at all. His voice is deep but not definingly so. It’s soft and he draws out some words in an Elvis-y manner, but it’s not nearly as dramatic as what is to come.

At the Once Upon a Time in Hollywood premiere in 2019, when Butler, a California native, was amidst the audition process for Elvis, his voice got deeper and he developed a southern drawl, marking the Pre-pre Elvis stage of his voice. He was working on the character, and his voice is changing, perhaps permanently as a result. Then there’s the post-Elvis era, aka the present. Butler straight-up sounds like Elvis. There’s almost no distinguishable difference between the voices of Butler and Butler as Elvis. Maybe Austin Butler is Elvis, DNA, and all.

It’s entirely possible that Butler is just committing to a bit. Or maybe he’s a Robert Pattinson-level liar and became so obsessed with Elvis that he’s just sticking with it. But voices can and do change over time, especially when you train yourself to speak in a certain way like an actor does. Like how DNA works, Butler is also not wrong about your surroundings changing how you speak: after I am around my family from Chicago, I have a midwestern accent for a few weeks.

The best thing that could happen to me, the world, and Austin Butler, is if Austin Butler’s Elvis voice sticks with him for the rest of his acting career. Later this year, Butler will appear as the villain Feyd-Rautha in Denis Villeneuve’s Dune: Part II. It began shooting in the fall, which means it shot after Elvis, which means that the chance that Butler talks like Elvis in it is extremely high. Could you imagine a space desert Elvis speaking to Stellan Skarsgård’s wet blob emperor? To me, that is cinema. If Austin Butler talks like this in everything else he does, cinema could peak again. At this point, Austin Butler is living a life of camp, like Lady Gaga circa 2011 (remember that summer when she was an Italian man named Jo Calderone?)

Flo Rida is suing fitness drink company Celsius for over $30,000, claiming breach of contract, unpaid royalties, exclusion from stock options, and more. The lawsuit states, “Even Celsius’ top management publicly recognized that the partnership between Flo Rida and Celsius accelerated the introduction of the Celsius brand to millions around the world and allowed Celsius to finally succeed at new levels.”

The rapper is known for having a good time, and he has managed to bring that energy into the courtroom. As they played a snippet of his 2015 hit “My House,” he bobbed his head along to the rhythm. Afterward, he said, “I can perform better than I can talk,” prompting laughter from the room.

He couldn’t hold himself back when they played a clip of “Low” either. According to Miami New Times, some jurors were mouthing the words to the song.

The legal team for Celsius attempted to object to the playing of “Right Round.” The judge overruled them, and when asked about the popularity of the song, Flo Rida said that “just about everybody will know this record.” He bobbed his head some more, looking like he desperately wanted to start singing along. The video, of course, went viral on TikTok.

Through 22 minutes of play and three quarters of game action on Tuesday, Franz Wagner was staring at 14 points and 12 shot attempts. A frame later, he’d ended the night with 29 points on 20 shots to headline the Orlando Magic’s 109-106, wire-to-wire road victory over the Portland Trail Blazers.

During the first three periods, Wagner predominantly functioned off the ball and selectively identified his ball-handling chances, thriving on cuts and in transition with the occasional half-court creation rep. As the fourth quarter arrived, he morphed into Orlando’s crunch-time scorer, converting a trio of slithery drives and a pull-up triple. In typical fashion, he added a spot-up three and dashed inside off the ball for a bucket as well. All night, he showcased precisely the sort of duality that’s come to define his enticing offensive arsenal and enables him to succeed across any lineup configuration.

“He constantly understands his role in certain situations,” head coach Jahmal Mosley said.

The Magic are flooded by young dudes who warrant or require on-ball investment and are best with such usage, namely fellow starters, Paolo Banchero and Markelle Fultz. When they pilot possessions, Wagner can drift into an ancillary role and maintain substantial value. When Orlando needs him on the ball to stave off the late charging Blazers, he can seamlessly initiate ball-screens 25 feet from the rim and produce fruitful results.

According to Synergy, he ranks in the 71st percentile in points per possession as a pick-and-roll firestarter and 79th percentile on cuts. He’s also drilled 44 percent of his catch-and-shoot long balls. To the benefit of himself, his teammates, and Orlando’s schematic optionality, his scoring chart is a kaleidoscope of worthwhile usage.

“It helps the game flow because the ball doesn’t stick when it’s in his hands. He’s going to look to make the right play,” Mosley said. “His teammates trust him to make the right play in those situations, whether he’s coming off a ball screen, or whether you saw the back-cut to the basket, just being able to read and understand the defense.”

Wagner’s second year has been an emphatic encore to an All-Rookie First Team campaign. The 6’10 wing is averaging 20.2 points, 3.8 rebounds, and 3.4 assists on 59.4 percent true shooting (.490/.353/.860 split). His true shooting is 1.7 points above league average (improving on a minus-0.7 last season), despite assuming a significantly grander creation load. He’s playing like someone worthy of genuine All-Star consideration.

According to Cleaning The Glass, his usage has swelled from 20.8 percent to 24.7 percent, while his rate of unassisted makes has spiked from 41 percent to 52 percent. Most notably, he better applies his frame to play through physicality inside the arc and continues to expand his driving game, predicated on deft footwork and touch around the rim. Last year, he shot 60 percent at the hoop (24th percentile). This year, he’s shooting 67 percent (71st percentile). He loves Euro-steps and ambidextrous, sweeping hooks, will swirl shots around gangly rim protectors, and kisses finishes into the cup from funky angles off glass. There’s an elusive slipperiness to his slashing. His use and recognition of angles are economically precise.

“I just kind of look at the defender’s feet and hips. A lot of times I’m attacking a bigger defender and I’m trying to move them side to side,” Wagner said. “At the rim, I think just my length helps me a lot. And a lot of big guys aren’t used to contesting high layups from a taller guy like me. I think that helps me a lot finishing around the rim.”

Wagner possesses functional and rare flexibility for someone of his size. He can crouch low to shield the ball from pressure and wiggle through cramped areas. On multiple occasions pre-game Tuesday, while most Magic teammates were warming up with an array of jumpers, free throws and layups, he was in the background performing various stretching exercises.

At one point, he also sharpened his footwork, rapidly hopping on two feet front to back and side to side. A ball, nor the hoop, were near his reach. The intricacies of his game sat centerstage, revealing in part how he immediately entered the league primed to venture where he wishes as a ball-handler.

“For most guys, it takes a little learning period to understand how to manipulate the game, how to get to your spots, how to finish over bigger, stronger defenders,” Terrence Ross said. “He seems just to have that knowledge already with him. He’s been doing it out the gate since he got drafted.”

Orlando selected Wagner eighth overall in 2021, a pick it received from the Chicago Bulls as a component of the Nikola Vucevic deal. The other half of that return was Carter, who starred alongside Wagner on Tuesday with 20 points, 10 rebounds, three assists, and one block.

Dating back to the early days of Wagner’s rookie season, the duo promptly established an extensive, lethal two-man game that will serve as a bedrock of the Magic’s offense for years to come. Whether it’s flowing out of dribble handoffs, curling around ball-screen actions, or Carter diming up Wagner on his patented backdoor cuts, they’ve long enhanced one another offensively. Nobody’s assisted Carter more than Wagner (91 times) the last two seasons.

“Boogie is such a poised player. For him to be so young, it’s very surprising,” Carter said. “When he’s in those pressure moments, coming off of DHOs, coming off of pick-and-rolls, he doesn’t let the pressure dictate what he’s going to do. He’s great at seeing the floor. Even though things may be going fast, I feel like for him, things are really slow. That’s a very, very special trait to have.”

In the minutes following Wagner’s fourth-quarter scoring flurry, a reporter asked if he gravitates toward those types of pressurized opportunities. Wagner plays the sport for chances like that, he said. But his mind wandered elsewhere. He fixated on the “small, little things.” Sure, scoring is critical, yet it’s not what he singled out for Orlando’s victory.

That approach is evident in his on-court ethos, especially defensively. While Wagner’s star shone brightest because of his scoring, he amplified the Magic defense, which held Portland to a 109.3 offensive rating.

On the ball, he battled with all three of the Blazers’ 20-point scorers, Damian Lillard, Anfernee Simons, and Jerami Grant, for periods. Off the ball, he primarily roamed the weakside as a low man, properly pinging between tags on the interior and closing out against shooters.

His devotion to the “small, little things” announced itself, as it’s done for years. Wagner is a high-level, malleable defender. Fluid on the ball, he’s comfortable wrangling against a gamut of assignments. His body control and discipline on closeouts belie his 21-year-old status. He’s attentive and well-positioned in help. His utilization of angles extends to the defense. He’s constantly anticipating angles before ball-handlers can frequent them. The club of star two-way wings is eyeing another member.

When the Magic drafted Wagner, Ross watched his new teammate’s collegiate highlights. He saw a different player than the one who’s existed through 1.5 NBA seasons. Rather, he witnessed a spot-up shooter, cutter, and defender, not a go-to scorer. Ross didn’t deem Wagner incapable of such an outcome, he just didn’t see it on film.

“Even in Summer League, he didn’t really showcase that as much. But, man, right out of the gate, I was like, ‘Damn, that was a good move,’” Ross said, with an aura of bewildered admiration in his voice. “His footwork and understanding of how to get to his spots, his up-and-unders, and selling fakes, it’s really impressive. I was just like, ‘Where the hell did this come from?’ But then, he just builds on it.”

Nestled in the underbelly of the Moda Center are a pair of small locker rooms divided by a narrow hallway. To the left, opposing coaches and players conduct pre- and postgame interviews, as the Magic did Tuesday. To the right, a children’s art easel, decorated only by a few colorful scribbles, was stationed in the entryway that day.

One by one, Mosley, Wagner, and Carter filed into the room on the left. All of them, in some fashion, discussed Wagner’s performance. Mosley and Carter praised it, with an undercurrent of its gravity being augmented by his youth and long-term potential. Carter spoke last. He concluded his media appearance assessing Wagner’s year-to-year progression and punctuated it with an effusive truism: “The sky’s the limit for him.”

Then, he exited the quaint locker room and passed by that vacant easel, its own canvas a promise of possibilities, and headed toward his teammates, Wagner included.

“I’ve played with a lot of players, a lot of good guys,” Ross said. “There’s a sense sometimes where guys can score. But there’s only been like a few guys I felt comfortable enough like, ‘OK, give him the ball. Let him create.’ Franz is definitely one of those guys.”