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Earlier this week, The National sent cryptic postcards to fans in the mail that seemed to tease a new album. Today, January 13, the band got even more mysterious by tweeting the link americanmary.com/lp9 — which we can probably assume means the next album is titled American Mary and is on its way.

The site is password-protected, but luckily, the password, “EVIL FOREBODINGS,” was shared by fans in the replies. It leads to a video of an open book that’s soundtracked by snippets of brief songs. The book reads “LETTER 1,” and it’s addressed to “Mrs. Bridgers, England.” There are also mentions of “Taylor” and “Uncle Sufjan.” It’s believed that Phoebe Bridgers, Sufjan Stevens, and Taylor Swift will be featured on the LP after a leaked tracklist with their names on it circulated. Bridgers will apparently appear on two tracks: “This Isn’t Helping” and “Your Mind Is Not Your Friend.”

Last year, The National debuted three songs live in Spain: “Tropic Morning News (Haversham),” “Grease In Your Hair (Birdie),” and “Bathwater (Mount Auburn).” The former two still remain unreleased, while “Bathwater (Mount Auburn)” ended up being unveiled as “Weird Goodbyes,” a collaboration with Bon Iver. It came out in August following promotional posters all over Brooklyn getting fans excited.

If you’re curious as to where Rudy Giuliani’s mind is at as we kick off 2023, and his unintelligible new year message didn’t give you a clue, try watching him interview a couple of camels:

If you’re still wondering whether the new year might bring a more stable mindset to the man once known as America’s Mayor, let us answer that for you in one word: no.

Rudy, who can regularly be heard complaining about how no networks want to have him on as a guest any more — and who has been known to show up for a deposition wearing two watches — actually got an invite to appear on Newsmax. And he made the most of the airtime while speaking with Jenn Pellegrino on Thursday’s “Prime News,” where he questioned the suspicious timing of the growing number of classified documents being found in all sorts of Joe Biden hidey-holes.

Whereas Trump is just outright ‘splaining that while he had the right to keep these documents (after he had declassified them using his mind, of course), Biden does not. Giuliani, meanwhile, seems to have another theory: that the documents were planted — by none other than Barack Obama.

“I think the Democrats are putting this out,” Giuliani said of his theory. “I think — and if I had to guess — Obama is calling the shots. They don’t want [Biden] on the ticket. I mean, first of all, this guy is in danger of falling apart at any minute, meaning the mouth could open and nothing will come out.”

This coming from a man who, just two weeks ago, opened his mouth and nothing actually came out. (And who also seemed confused by what year it was in the same video.)

While there would be far easier ways to convince Biden to not run again in 2024, Giuliani was on a tear; he even went so far as to compare Biden to a “mad dictator.” (This from a man, mind you, who has played sycophant to wannabe mad dictator Trump for decades):

The justification is the FBI is a law enforcement organization that is operated for the benefit of the Democrat Party and Joseph Biden. It’s state police. It’s, in the worst sense, no longer the FBI of old — not all the agents, but the ones at the top that have to do the bidding of a man who has become something closer to [a] mad dictator than president.”

You can watch the full clip here.

(Via Newsmax)

The Dallas Mavericks picked up a double overtime win in Los Angeles on Thursday night. Thanks to a 35-point triple-double by Luka Doncic, Dallas knocked off the Lakers, 119-115, although it did not come without some controversy. On the final play of regulation, Lakers guard Troy Brown Jr. pulled up from three and got blocked by Tim Hardaway Jr., although Hardaway made contact with Brown’s hand after he got the ball.

As you can see, LeBron James was not happy with the situation, as he immediately went over to the officials and lobbied for them to call a foul that would have sent Brown to the line with a chance to win the game.

“Hardaway Jr. gets a piece of the ball on the closeout and then does make some high-five contact, which is legal and that play was correctly no-called,” Josh Tiven, the crew chief working the game, told a pool reporter.

James, unsurprisingly, disagreed with this assessment. Brown was asked after the game about the no-call, and while he attempted to be a bit more diplomatic in his answer, James spoke up from where he was in the locker room to express his disappointment.

“No, it’s a f*cking foul,” James said. “It’s a foul. No matter what TB says, it’s a f*cking foul.”

James is not the only person who disagreed with the no-call, as Lakers coach Darvin Ham told reporters after the game, “I’m not one to blame the officiating, and I won’t start now. But it just looked clear as day like it was a foul. Maybe I can be wrong. But we were still watching it after the game, and it looked like a foul on his follow-through.”

Netflix really took its sweet time waiting to announce that its latest hit Wednesday would be getting a second season, but now that we know it’s happening, we can start to piece together what to expect from the quirky teen with an affinity for staring.

Wednesday follows Jenna Ortega as Wednesday Adams, the teen from a kooky family who deals with the trials and tribulations of being the weird girl at an even weirder school school. Growing up is hard! But it makes for some entertaining shows, which is why fans have watched nearly 16.8 billion minutes of the show. If you’re keeping track, that’s more than Ozark, but less than Stranger Things season four…for now.

As for what to expect from season two, we don’t have any plot info yet, but Ortega has expressed an interest in exploring the anti-hero narrative that follows the troubled teen. She told ET last year, “I kinda want [Wednesday] to be darker. I want her to get more in the nitty-gritty of things and not play things so safe,” she explained. “I want to continue down an anti-hero stream instead of that typical hero.” Season one found Wednesday trying to fit in with her peers, so there could definitely be some more self-reflection come season two.

The first season starred Ortega alongside Catherine Zeta-Jones, Luis Guzmán, Isaac Ordonez, Gwendoline Christie, Jamie McShane, Fred Armisen, and Christina Ricci. There have been no casting updates as of late, but it seems pretty likely that some new characters will enter the mix in the second season, especially now that this show has been watched by most of the world.

According to the castle where the Nevermore scenes were filmed, filming took about eight months, which means any sort of 2023 premiere for the upcoming season is pretty unlikely, so we are looking at maybe spring or summer 2024 for the next season. It seems like a long time, but hey, 2024 will be a great year for TV!

Since production hasn’t begun yet, we have no new footage and probably won’t for a while. But Netflix did put together a nice little season two announcement video, so hopefully, that will hold you over for a year or so. But at least we know it’s happening eventually!

Amy Winehouse’s biopic Back To Black will begin filming this month. Since we reported that a new film about the singer’s life was in the works back in July 2022, the public has only been privy to little details. Those details were simply the names of the technical crew behind its creation, including director Sam Taylor-Johnson (50 Shades Of Gray and Nowhere Boy), writer Matt Greenhalgh, and producers Studiocanal, Alison Owen, Debra Hayward, and Tracey Seaward.

However, now thanks to Variety, we can share that British actress Marisa Abela (Barbie and HBO’s series Industry) has been cast to play for Grammy-winning vocalist. While music superstar Adele has been highly vocal about Winehouse’s influence on her music, even attributing her massive success to the groundwork laid down by Winehouse in crossing over from London to the American music mark, the team behind the film decided that a non-musician lead would be best.

In the promotional image of Abela in the role, she embodies the late singer’s signature look, beehive hair, tattoos, and all.

Variety also revealed that the biopic has the “full support” of Winehouse’s former label and The Amy Winehouse Estate. So, music clearance won’t be a problem as the film is set to center around her early career before her tragic death after years of addiction, similar to the 2015 documentary Amy. Focus Features and Monumental Pictures are also now listed as partners in the project.

Mel Brooks hasn’t directed a movie since 1995’s Dracula: Dead and Loving It (which I explicably made my friends watch on my ninth birthday), but he’s kept busy by writing musicals, pranking Barack Obama and endorsing Joe Biden, and being an all-around wonderful person. Brooks is also overseeing a TV show based on History of the World, Part I called History of the World, Part II, and it stars basically everyone you like.

Previously-announced cast members Nick Kroll, Wanda Sykes, and Ike Barinholtz will be joined on the Hulu series by Pamela Adlon, Tim Baltz, Zazie Beetz, Jillian Bell, Quinta Brunson, Dove Cameron, D’Arcy Carden, Ronny Chieng, Rob Corddry, Danny DeVito, David Duchovny, Hannah Einbinder, Jay Ellis, Josh Gad, Kimiko Glenn, Brandon Kyle Goodman, Jake Johnson, Richard Kind, Johnny Knoxville, Lauren Lapkus…

I need a moment here to catch my breath. It’s a lot of names.

…Jenifer Lewis, Poppy Liu, Joe Lo Truglio, Jason Mantzoukas, Ken Marino, Jack McBrayer, Zahn McClarnon, Charles Melton, Kumail Nanjiani, Brock O’Hurn, Andrew Rannells, Emily Ratajkowski, Sam Richardson, Nick Robinson, Seth Rogen, Sarah Silverman, Timothy Simons, J.B. Smoove, David Wain, Taika Waititi, Reggie Watts, and Tyler James Williams.

With a cast like that, you would be making a “French Mistake” if you don’t watch History of the World, Part II. (Yes, I know that’s a Blazing Saddles reference. Back off, OK?)

History of the World, Part II premieres on Hulu on Monday, March 6, with two episodes. Two new episodes will drop daily, with the finale on Thursday, March 9.

When audiences sat through Marvel’s 2022 hit Spider-Man: No Way Home, Gen Xers, millennials, and zoomers alike were thrilled to hear De La Soul’s 3 Feet High And Rising song “The Magic Number” during the film’s closing credits. However, they were equally disappointed once they checked Spotify (or Apple Music or Tidal, depending on their individual preference) only to learn that De La’s catalog remained woefully out of circulation on DSPs (or Digital Streaming Platforms). This was, of course, due to a protracted legal battle with their former label, Tommy Boy Records, as well as the dozens — possibly hundreds — of potentially uncleared samples throughout their first six albums.

This year, though, those fans got the best news: De La Soul has not only retained their publishing for those albums, but they also sorted their sample issues, announcing that the catalog would be available for streaming this March. And today, fans got the first fruits of those efforts, fittingly, with the debut of “The Magic Number,” the group’s surprise 30-year-old hit, on DSPs. We embedded the YouTube up top, but you can check it out on the streamer of your choice.

Meanwhile, the rest of the catalog comes to streaming on 3/3/23, giving fans the chance to follow Pharrell’s advice about which two albums are must-listens (I argue that they all are).

The Phoenix Suns are going through this season without the services of veteran forward Jae Crowder. While Crowder is under contract, he’s found himself sitting at home waiting for the Suns to trade him elsewhere ever since the preseason. Fast forward to today and Phoenix finds itself in desperate need of reinforcements — the team is 21-22 and only one game away from falling out of the play-in tournament in the Western Conference — while Crowder is nowhere to be found.

On Friday, Chris Haynes of Bleacher Report published an interview with Crowder, who indicated that he believes the team pushed him “out the door” and expressed that he is “confused and hurt my coaches didn’t appreciate the things I brought to our team and organization.”

Via Bleacher Report:

“I’ve spoken to every player that I’ve played with on that team and they all have stressed how much they miss [me] and respect my decision, and I’m thankful for their understanding,” Crowder told B/R via text message. “This move of pushing me out the door was a blindsided hit to not only me but my teammates, as you can see from speaking to them and myself and the conversations we’ve had behind closed doors.

“I will continue to prepare myself daily for battle once the call is made and continue to be a leader on the court, locker room, as well as off the court. I am thankful my teammates appreciated my leadership. I’m confused and hurt my coaches didn’t appreciate the things I brought to our team and organization. And this has nothing to do with financial or contract differences.”

Crowder, who is 32, is slated to become an unrestricted free agent this summer.

Ezra Miller has been sentenced to one year of probation after the actor appeared in court on Friday to plead guilty to one charge of trespassing in Vermont. Earlier this week, The Flash star reached a plea deal with prosecutors that allowed Miller to duck felony burglary and larceny charges stemming from their arrest over the summer for allegedly breaking into a neighbor’s house and stealing alcohol.

As Miller appeared in court, the plea deal was approved by a judge who accepted the prosecutor’s conditions that Miller continue treatment for their mental health and submit to drug screenings. Via The Hollywood Reporter:

The prosecutor said in court Friday that this resolution protects his client’s privacy without having to go to trial and ensures compliance with conditions that would protect the victim and allows the defendant to continue employment with mental health treatment.

“I do find they strike the balance of both your rehabilitation — and continue to make sure that you’re a healthy citizen — and also a punishment factor here,” said Judge Kerry Ann McDonald-Cady of the deal terms. “So I do find this an appropriate sentence and in the interest of justice.” She added that the conditions are “about mental health, substance-free living” and no contact with the neighbor.

As part of Miller’s probation, the actor agreed to abstain from alcohol if “it interfered with their employment or interaction with others.” The Flash star also thanked the court for agreeing to the terms of the plea deal.

“Ezra would like to thank the court and the community for their trust and patience throughout this process, and would once again like to acknowledge the love and support they have received from their family and friends, who continue to be a vital presence in their ongoing mental health,” Miller’s attorney said in a statement.

(Via The Hollywood Reporter)

The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE – Please chill out

Television is pretty intense lately. There are dragons and demons and whodunnits and mysteries and so so so many tie-ins to existing intellectual property. Disney pretty much churns out a dozen Star Wars and Marvel things every couple months and makes things go boom in them a bunch. HBO is turning over its next couple of months of primo Sunday night airtime to The Last of Us, its new video game-inspired series starring Pedro Pascal in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. It’s a lot. Everything is very big and stressful out there. This is, for the most part, okay, kind of. Big events are fine. Television and movies have always depicted extraordinary people and/or extraordinary circumstances. The tricky thing is when it’s, like, all there is. Which is something we are teetering toward a bit.

There are reasons for this, of course, some having to do with a massive wave of programming hitting us every day and some having to do with this just kind of being the way things are when big money gets involved. Again, it’s fine. Kind of.

It does tend to squeeze out lots of other programming, though. The quieter, slower, more thoughtful stuff, mostly, but also the chill little shows about, like, a cool dude named Phil who lives in Key West and has a dog and they go on little adventures. It’s weird that we have 50 streaming outlets and almost literally millions of hours of content at our disposal and it still feels like there’s no room for that. Before, it was a matter of limited resources. Now, it’s a matter of needing big loud crashboompows to cut through the noise. It’s a bummer either way. And it makes me miss shows like Lodge 49. That show was a hoot. I’m sad about it again.

And so, to help, I will now present the three-part case for bringing back some chill little shows.

PART ONE — IT WOULD BE NICE

It would! Just relaxing on your couch and watching some show about… let’s keep going with “a guy named Phil”… going on harmless little adventures in his town, with no zombies or apocalyptic wastelands or mythical beasts hellbent on destroying humanity. I could watch four of those in a row some Friday night. What’s Phil up to this week? Well, his tropical fish is missing and he has to find it. Knock on some doors, meet some kooky neighbors, maybe get in the wrong Uber and end up on the wrong side of town. There. That’s an episode. And it turns out the fish was in the tank all along, just hiding behind the little treasure chest. Classic Phil.

PART TWO — PEOPLE WOULD LIKE IT

Things are stressful enough out there. All the technology we have created blasts information into our faces all day long in ways designed to make us angry at each other and/or ourselves. We just went through a pandemic. Every election results in otherwise sane(-ish) people sticking signs in their lawns and wearing buttons and hats and yelling at people in the supermarket. That’s too much. We need a break. A nice little show. Maybe Phil buys a go-kart in one episode and starts driving it around town instead of taking an Uber, especially after that mix-up the other week. Maybe he gets a little scooter with a sidecar that his dog rides in. Maybe he uses that to pick people up when he starts driving Uber himself. Oh, Phil, always running into characters. The point is that I can be flexible here. So can Phil.

PART THREE — WHY NOT?

Isn’t this the point? Isn’t this the whole reason to have all these options at our fingertips? To have a variety of choices? Yes, sure, dragon shows and shows where someone has a bomb in the future and people in the present have to figure it out with various puzzles and such, but also chill little shows about a guy named Phil going to the zoo for a week and maybe hitting it off with one of the trainers in the primate enclosure and a bunch of the monkeys getting a little jealous and doing pranks on him every time he tries to ask her out. That could be a show, too. There’s room for that. There should be, at least. Let guys like Phil thrive and flail a little. On television. With a dog. It could work.

ITEM NUMBER TWO – The thing about the Golden Globes

Award shows are silly. Mostly. That’s the main thing. The most attractive people in the world get together and put on outfits that cost as much as your car and then they all hand each other hunks of gold and talk about how important and challenging it is and then people at home watch it on television and develop opinions about everything. I don’t know. It’s weird. It’s even weirder when the award shows are kind of stuffy and pretentious about it, like at the Oscars. Think about it for a while some day. Or don’t. I’ve been thinking about it enough for both of us, apparently.

Anyway, this brings us to the Golden Globes, which aired this week after a year in purgatory due to various revelations about corruption and the blindingly white make-up of its organization. That wasn’t ideal. I was still kind of glad to have them back, though, if only because the Globes are the award show — of the biggies, at least — that seems to accept how silly it all is. Everyone sits at tables together. The champagne flows. The jokes are looser. Jennifer Coolidge gives speeches. It looks like everyone is at least having a decent time. I appreciate that.

Like, look at Mike White accepting his award for The White Lotus.

What’s the point of even winning an award if you can’t get up on stage in a tuxedo after a half dozen glasses of Moët and call out all of your enemies by name? Good for him. We should all be so lucky.

Look at Quinta Brunson, too.

God, I feel this one. Imagine you spend your whole life in a writer’s room grinding away and trying to get your break and then you finally do and you start to get recognition for it and they call your name at an award show and you get up there to give your big speech and you’re getting really into it and you look up for a second and freaking Brad Pitt is like 15 feet away just looking at you. I genuinely do not know if my brain could process it all. I might just go blank and freeze right there on stage in front of God and Seth Rogen and everyone. It would be so embarrassing. One of you monsters would probably turn it into a meme. I would deserve it given… well, everything I‘ve written online ever.

Best case scenario is I end up like Henry Winkler.

What a sweet man. Awards shows are still silly. But stuff like this can make it almost worth it. Let’s do it again next year. On a probationary period. I reserve the right to revoke all of this at a moment’s notice and deny I said any of it.

ITEM NUMBER THREE – Good for Frankie Muniz

Well, guess what: Frankie Muniz is a NASCAR driver now. That’s a sentence I sure did not expect to be typing back in like 2002 when I was watching Malcolm in the Middle, in part because it’s a wild collection of words to put in that order and in part because I don’t think I could have even conceived of this thing I’m doing right now being a real job that pays money. A lot of us are in very different places than we expected to be 20 years ago. Like Frankie Muniz. And me. And Bryan Cranston, who was a sitcom dad on that show and went on to become television’s most famous meth chef. Life is a journey.

But again, Frankie Muniz. Race cars. That’s a thing now.

“It’s with the utmost excitement, optimism and gratitude that I’m joining Rette Jones Racing for the full ARCA Menards Series schedule this year,” he said in a statement. “Ever since childhood, it’s been my dream to pursue racing in NASCAR, and it was important for me to partner with a team that aligned with my long-term objectives and vision, while providing every opportunity imaginable to grow mentally and physically as a full-time race car driver.”

I think this is pretty cool. Lots of child stars have a rough go of it as adults. They keep chasing that level of fame or acceptance or attention through whatever outlet they can. Things don’t always turn out too great. I don’t even need to tick off the names right now. You’re doing it in your head. It’s not a short list. So, like… cool. I’m glad Frankie Muniz has his own thing now. I hope he races those cars really good. Mostly, I hope he’s happy and doing well, but I feel like this is a decent start.

ITEM NUMBER FOUR – Look at Rob Lowe’s hair

So there’s this commercial for the Atkins diet that’s been airing during random sporting events lately. In my area, at least. Maybe you haven’t seen it yet. As far as commercials go, it’s not much. It’s just noted celebrity and longtime Atkins aficionado Rob Lowe looking into the camera and telling the world how great the Atkins diet is. Which is… fine. It’s fine. I googled “rob lowe atkins commercial” to find it and could only find screenshots and weird videos I couldn’t embed but I also learned this: Rob Lowe has done a lot of ads for Atkins. I did not know that. Maybe you didn’t either. Now, we both do. The world is funny like that.

The main thing I took away from the whole thing is… I mean, look at Rob Lowe’s hair in that screenshot. Look how thick and spiky it is. Rob Lowe is 58 years old. His hair should not look like that. It’s upsetting. The closest I’ve come to a solution so far is that he is a genetic marvel or that the Atkins diet is really just terrific for your hair. I’ll need to do more research. We’ll come back to this. Maybe we won’t. Either way, until then, look at Rob Lowe’s hair.

LOOK AT IT.

I DO KNOW WHY THIS IS STICKING WITH ME SO MUCH.

HE LOOKS KIND OF LIKE IF SYNDROME FROM THE INCREDIBLES HAD A COOL UNCLE WHO SURFED.

IT’S UPSETTING.

A LITTLE.

TO ME.

ITEM NUMBER FIVE – I am going to devote my life to robbing this dog

This is the trailer for an upcoming docuseries about a dog named Gunther who is very rich. There are three things I need you to know about Gunther:

• I did not know he existed until this week
• I clicked on this trailer expecting to enjoy it based on my long history or enjoying dogs with exceptional skills or traits, like Air Bud and Dog With a Blog and pretty much every other television dog
• I did not enjoy it

Look at this prick.

The dog’s lineage dates back decades to when Gunther III inherited a multimillion-dollar trust from late owner German countess Karlotta Liebenstein when she died in 1992. Since then, a group of handlers have helped maintain a jet-setting lifestyle for a succession of dogs. There are trips to the Milan and the Bahamas, where the latest Gunther recently dined out at restaurants every evening — his handlers like to make sure he’s well socialized.

A chef cooks his breakfast each morning made of the finest meat, fresh vegetables and rice. Sometimes he enjoys caviar, but there’s never any kibble in sight. He travels by private jet, works on obedience skills daily with his trainer and sleeps in a lavish round, red velvet bed overlooking the bay.

I hate it. I hate it so much. My new goal in life — my only goal, effective immediately — is to rob this dog. Millions of dollars of his stupid fortune. Full-on Ocean’s Eleven situation. You can help if you want. We can make a big fancy plan and follow through with it and maybe one of us can lower ourselves into a vault on some wires or do gymnastics through some lasers or maybe we can just whip a tennis ball really hard in the other direction and take all his stuff while he is chasing it. I’m open to suggestions. This dog has had it too good for too long. The important thing is that we take him down.

For the people.

But mostly for us.

But for the people, too.

READER MAIL

If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.

From Mikael:

The pure enjoyment you take celebrating fun stupidity in your twitter feed makes me happy; “Zoo”, fake names and/or ridiculous real names, the feud between The Rock and Vin Diesel, etc.

The only problem is that now I feel like we’re letting you down when something very much in your wheelhouse happens and we don’t see you reveling in it – like when that 82-year-old went on a burglary spree in NYC by pretending to live in upscale buildings and whenever he was close to getting caught would act all befuddled like he got his buildings mixed up and walk away. It didn’t make your list of top heists that year, nor did you mention it on twitter! We collectively failed to bring Brian a small amount of joy at that time.

And based on that, I felt I would be remiss if I didn’t forward this tweet by Jon Bershad glorying in the unadulterated stupidity of the title for this upcoming Gerard Butler movie.

You have curated your brand well

Okay, a few things. Three, probably.

THING NUMBER ONE: This is a very nice email. I did not post it only because it was a nice email, though. I’m not that starved for approval. Not quite, at least. But you are always welcome to send me nice emails. That is a standing offer from me to you. That I will accept your nice emails. You are very welcome.

THING NUMBER TWO: Regarding the thing about my very stupid brand. I made a decision a while ago that I was just not going to be angry on social media anymore. I found I just genuinely got nothing out of it. It didn’t make me feel better, it was a crappy rain cloud over everyone else, it was just bad vibes all around. I still get angry. I swear at my computer so much. If someone was bugging my apartment they would legitimately think I am unwell. But it’s been a lot better for me to just use Twitter to do stupid jokes about movie cliches and weird heists and that kind of stuff. I like it. And it’s made my experience with social media better, too. I was mostly offline with COVID a few days last week and every time I checked my mentions on Twitter it was just people sending me links to stupid news stories or ridiculous names people have or screenshots of characters telling each other they’re not so different. That was nice. This strategy might not work for everyone but it has worked for me and it has made what is almost objectively a terrible website kind of fun. This is, in a nutshell, what I am about.

THINK NUMBER THREE: I freaking cannot wait to see Plane this weekend. My colleague Mike Ryan saw it and loved it and said the kinds of things about it that make me want to buy tickets for back-to-back showings just in case I want to watch it twice. This is, in the same nutshell, also what I am about. It’s a snug fit inside that nutshell. Nice and cozy.

AND NOW, THE NEWS

To Wisconsin!

An industrial fire at a central Wisconsin dairy plant caused “significant” damage after it sent butter spreading throughout the building and into a nearby canal on Monday.

BUTTER FLOOD

Portage Fire Chief Troy Haase told local reporters that a layer of butter roughly 3 inches thick coated the steps to the building, slowing firefighters as they tried to enter the building. Butter coated the hose line, leaving crews unable to hold onto it any longer.

WAVES OF BUTTER AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE

FIREFIGHTERS SLIPPING ON IT

PASSERSBY SOPPING IT UP WITH BISCUITS

PROBABLY

After several hours with multiple agencies responding, the fire was contained and put out before it could spread past the firewalls and throughout the building.

The Portage Hazmat Team was also called to the scene to contain the butter runoff into the storm sewers and into the Portage Canal. The crews placed boom and other absorbents to control the runoff, according to the fire department.

I WAS JOKING ABOUT THE BISCUIT- SOPPING EARLIER BUT MAYBE IT WAS REAL

EMERGENCY SOPPING

BISCUITS THE SIZE OF TRUCK TIRES

Butter could still be seen floating in the canal on Tuesday.

BUTTER FLOOD