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Fast food is an industry that feels the need to constantly innovate, even when… maybe it doesn’t always need to? Changing things up has become a bit of a double-edged sword for the consumer. One on hand, every few months we get a bunch of new food to snack on but on the other hand, a lot of times that food is straight up bad. Limited menu items are limited for a reason — they often don’t deserve a permanent spot on the menu. What’s worse is that sometimes in order to make room for these new “flavor innovations” means ditching someone’s favorite menu item to make space. We’ve seen it happen to the Mexican pizza, Wendy’s spicy nuggets, KFC’s potato wedges, and for awhile, the vanilla Frosty, only for fast food brands to later reverse course. It can be pretty frustrating.

What’s worse is, sometimes it seems brands are hellbent on not innovating for the sake of keeping things classic when a change or tweak seems like an obvious win. Why doesn’t Taco Bell have a plant-based taco? Why won’t In-N-Out add bacon to the menu? Why doesn’t McDonald’s change anything that isn’t a chicken sandwich? There is no winning!

To celebrate the worst mistake made at every single fast food restaurant, we decided to make a big list for all our fellow complainers out there. Got a fast food gripe of your own? Add it in the comments, we sincerely want fast food to be better, and sometimes the only way to do that is by making some noise. Let’s dive in!

Arby’s — Discontinuing The Diablo Chicken Sandwich

Where They Went Wrong:

I will never forgive Arby’s for giving us the hands-down spiciest chicken sandwich ever, only to take it away. The Diablo Chicken sandwich was introduced at the beginning of this year and featured multiple layers of spice courtesy of the ghost pepper jack cheese, spicy cayenne-dominated seasoning, grilled diced jalapeños, and spicy barbecue sauce.

The spicy notes on this sandwich were capable of taking your taste buds on a ride, beginning with the bright citrusy habanero-tinged barbecue sauce, bringing the fire with the ghost pepper cheese, and exploding with vegetal notes of freshly diced jalapeño. It was truly a feast for the senses, and one of the best chicken sandwiches on the market.

The Bottom Line:

Better than almost everything on Arby’s menu but sadly, it’s gone for the foreseeable future.

Find your nearest Arby’s here.

Burger King — Pretty Much The Whole Menu

Where They Went Wrong:

Look, I’ve been covering fast food extensively for two years now and, in that time, I’ve developed an intimate knowledge of each fast food chain’s menu. So I say this from a place of authority: Burger King’s menu is trash. The king does one thing well, the Ch’king sandwich, everything else on the menu, including BK’s flagship burger, the Whopper, could do with a good revamp.

Each of the burgers is incredibly bland and dry, the chicken is questionable, the shakes are watery, and the fries are so salty they’re almost inedible. What is going on at Burger King and how is it still in business? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to see Burger King fail, it’s the opposite — I want them to do better. I want them to revamp the burgers, like they did with their chicken sandwich, and give places like McDonald’s a run for their money.

Until then though, I’ll never stop criticizing this wack menu.

The Bottom Line:

You go to Burger King for the Ch’King sandwich, anything else just isn’t worth ordering.

Find your nearest Burger King here.

Carl’s Jr. — The Green Burrito Menu

Where They Went Wrong:

Some Carl’s Jr restaurants have a section of the menu referred to as “The Green Burrito,” and if you’re wondering what that’s all about we’re here to tell you. The Green Burrito originally started as a taqueria in the Southern California city of Hawaiian Gardens in the 1980s that sold Tex-Mex and Cal-Mex-inspired food. The success of the restaurant brought it to chain status throughout the Southland until it was acquired by Carl’s Jr. in 2001 and integrated into the menu.

These days it’s a lot harder to find Carl’s Jr. restaurants with the Green Burrito menu (the co-branding has all but disappeared) but they do still exist at certain Carl’s Jr. restaurants and it’s worth exploring if you find one.

I’m not mad at the Green Burrito menu but I think Carl’s Jr. hasn’t been utilizing it correctly. The menu consists of a wet green burrito, grilled burritos, crunchy tacos, taco salads, quesadillas, and taquitos, — if those menu items don’t sell it’s not because there isn’t an appetite for them. People in America love Mexican (and Mexican-inspired) food, but Carl’s Jr. isn’t doing a good enough job representing it. When you’re falling behind the marketing efforts of Taco Bell and Del Taco, you know you’ve got issues.

The Bottom Line:

The lack of Green Burrito’s presence on Carl’s Jr menus in 2022 isn’t a sign that Carl’s Jr should give up on Mexican food, it’s a sign that they should try harder.

Find your nearest Carl’s Jr. here.

Chick-fil-A — The Lack Of Spicy Nuggets

Where They Went Wrong:

Sometimes fast food chains make boneheaded decisions that just don’t make any f*cking sense. Everybody loves spicy nuggets, look no further than the popularity of the Wendy’s spicy nugget and the number of hot chicken chains that have opened in the last two years, and yet Chick-fil-A, one of the most successful chicken chains in the nation, weirdly hasn’t tried adding spicy nuggets to the menu.

Why? How?!

They have a spicy chicken sandwich, and it’s better than their non-spicy version (especially if you order the Spicy Deluxe), which is hand-battered in restaurant — so they have the ingredients! Why isn’t this a part of the menu yet? It’s guaranteed to sell, wouldn’t cost Chick-fil-A anything extra, and would expand Chick-fil-A’s simple menu in a logical way that wouldn’t challenge people’s expectations.

It’s not like we’re adding burgers to the menu, we just want nuggets with a kick! Is that too much to ask?

The Bottom Line:

There isn’t a single logical reason why Chick-fil-A doesn’t offer spicy nuggets when they have a spicy chicken sandwich. Maybe Chick-fil-A is doing so well that they don’t need to innovate, but if they did, they’d only make their already solid menu even better.

Find your nearest Chick-fil-A here.

Chipotle — Those Lime Ass Chips

Where They Went Wrong:

I get it, a fresh squeeze of lime on tortilla chips is delicious, who doesn’t love that? But what Chipotle does to its chips is practically abuse. Just how many f*cking limes does this place kill in order to season these things? Because they taste like pure lime juice and salt. I’ve never tasted a tortilla chip that tastes less like a tortilla. The seasoning is so overwhelming that the citrus flavor still dominates even after you dip them in guacamole, salsa, queso, or salsa.

That’s not normal.

I’m not asking Chipotle to get rid of the lime, like I said, I love lime on tortilla chips, I’m just asking Chipotle to chill out a little bit. Maybe use half the limes? Chipotle would be saving money and saving your taste buds from being burned off by citric acid. I swear I can feel the enamel stripping from my teeth every time I eat a side order of this stuff.

The Bottom Line:

Don’t ditch the lime, just chill the f*ck out Chipotle — stop covering up your bland food in sour lime, just use some real seasonings for Christ’s sake.

Find your nearest Chipotle here.

El Pollo Loco — Discontinuing the Fries

Where They Went Wrong:

El Pollo Loco used to have fries, and sure, it was weird that they tasted vaguely like churros (they were fried in the same oil) but they were a great addition to the menu. Throwing a few fries in a flour tortilla with beans and topping it with chicken and avocado salsa was my favorite build from this place, it was like some sort of delicious spin on the California burrito! Now, I can’t make it.

You could argue that the fries weren’t very “traditional” but what from El Pollo Loco is? They have mashed potatoes and gravy and Mac and cheese on the menu, so clearly anything goes here. What’s frustrating is that El Pollo Loco routinely brings back the fries as a promotional item. It’s like they’re playing with my heart.

Fries are the ultimate side, anywhere, and the El Pollo Loco menu is just a little weaker without them. I mean just imagine, birria pollo fries? Tell me that doesn’t sound amazing!

The Bottom Line:

I might be writing this one for an audience of one, but I really miss those El Pollo Loco fries!

Find your nearest El Pollo Loco here.

KFC — No Original Recipe Tenders/Popcorn Chicken

Where They Went Wrong:

If you’re eating at KFC it’s safe to say you’re coming here for that Original Recipe chicken. With a mix of 11 herbs and spices, the Original Recipe offers a flavor profile that no other chicken chain is attempting, bringing together herbal oregano, basil, and thyme notes together with black pepper, garlic, onion, paprika, ginger, and mustard powder, resulting in the most flavorful chicken breading on the market.

For whatever reason, that blend of herbs doesn’t result in very crispy chicken, but fried chicken doesn’t always have to be crunchy and craggily like Popeyes to be good. The Original Recipe is great, but KFC only offers its chicken tenders, popcorn chicken, and chicken sandwiches in the Extra Crispy batter — which is crunchier but way less flavorful. I believe they used to use a similar blend of spices on their potato wedges, but they replaced those with french fries. Why does KFC hate Original Recipe?!

If KFC had Original Recipe tenders, they’d be in the running for best tenders in all of fast food. Instead, they settle for mediocrity, which is why no one ever talks about their chicken sandwich or chicken tenders. This simple change could make all the difference.

The Bottom Line:

If KFC is looking for a way to bring back customers (and they are, look no further than the Jack Harlow meal) they don’t need a new chicken sandwich, or a side of Mac and cheese packed with chicken on top. They just need to show their Original Recipe more love and utilize what made them an icon in the first place.

Find your nearest KFC here.

In-N-Out — No Bacon

Where They Went Wrong:

I’m from California so I’m just geared to believe that In-N-Out makes one of the best burgers in all of fast food. You can disagree (you’d be wrong) but you can’t deny that for the money, no other fast food chain makes a burger this flavorful and high quality. A Double Double will cost you under $4, you can’t say the same for any burger from Shake Shack or Five Guys.

But I can’t for the life of me figure out why In-N-Out doesn’t have bacon on the menu. Can you imagine how much a bacon Double Double would slap?! I get that In-N-Out has a “classic” menu and their whole modus operandi is staying consistent, but if they can add the monstrosity that is Animal Style fries, and allow you to add chopped chilis on their burgers, or wrap them in lettuce as part of the secret menu, why the hell can’t we get some bacon too?

The Bottom Line:

If In-N-Out added bacon to the secret menu, they’d have one of the best bacon burgers in all of fast food. As of now, they’re not even on the list, and that just seems wrong.

Find your nearest In-N-Out here.

Jack in the Box — Discontinuing The Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges

Where They Went Wrong:

Like Taco Bell, Jack in the Box is beloved for its stoner-friendly menu. This is the sort of place you eat at when you’re not of a sober mind, it’s the whole reason they have the Munchie Meal, those weird mini tacos, curly fries (how do they get them curly man?), whatever the hell a Chick-N-Tater Melt is, and the Sriracha Curly Fry burger. JiB is at its best when it’s assaulting your tastebuds with madness, and the Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges, with their molten cheese sauce, crushed bacon, and crispy wedges, was a near-perfect encapsulation of that ethos.

Then they inexplicably ditched them this year. Without the Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges and Mozzarella Sticks (also discontinued) JiB has less options for cheeseheads, and that’s a true loss.

The Bottom Line:

If we can’t get the Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges back, at least give us the Mozzarella Sticks!

Find your nearest Jack in the Box here.

McDonald’s — The Stunning Lack Of Innovation

Where They Went Wrong:

I understand the argument that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, and clearly McDonald’s, with its 38,000 locations across the globe, isn’t broken, but the lack of innovation out of McDonald’s is shocking. Most of the new promotions out of McDonald’s are just remixes of what’s already on the menu.

The BTS, Travis Scott, and J Balvin meals all consisted of items already on the menu. It’s the same thing with the new adult Happy Meals made in collaboration with Cactus Plant Flea Market — don’t give me toys McDonald’s, give me new f*cking food! McDonald’s released a series of menu hacks this year, which seemed promising but then required you to assemble them yourself! It’s like McDonald’s is hell bent on never offering us anything new.

The Bottom Line:

McDonald’s menu is strong, but if they ever decide to add a new breakfast item, or a new burger build, we’ll be the first in line to try it!

Find your nearest McDonald’s here.

Popeyes — No Proper Spicy Chicken Sandwich

Where They Went Wrong:

This one is a bit like my gripe against KFC ignoring the Original Recipe. Popeyes makes the best fried chicken sandwich in all of fast food, clearly, but they could have an even better chicken sandwich if they breaded their boneless breast filet in the same cayenne-packed batter as their spicy-style chicken. Why don’t they? They have all the ingredients!

To be fair, Popeyes does have a spicy chicken sandwich on the menu but it’s made spicy by way of the sauce which is really sweeter and smokier than it is hot. It just doesn’t bring the heat. I know Popeyes is the GOAT and they don’t need to do anything to compete with what else is out there, they’ve already won, but they’d be wise to take a page out of Chick-fil-A’s playbook and offer a proper spicy chicken sandwich. Then they’d have that top spot on lock.

The Bottom Line:

Popeyes can make a great sandwich just a little bit better, but they seem to be holding this one in their back pocket. We’re ready for it Popeyes, bring it on!

Find your nearest Popeyes here.

Raising Cane’s — The Chicken Sandwich

Where They Went Wrong:

Raising Cane’s chicken sandwich is garbage. Seriously, Raising Cane’s sells the best chicken tenders in all of fast food, and the chain has accomplished that by focusing exclusively on the chicken tender. But a chicken sandwich with three tenders thrown haphazardly between two thick buns is just a stupid idea for a sandwich.

It’s impossible to eat this thing without it falling apart, you don’t even need to bite into it for a tender to come plopping out of the sandwich, gravity does that! If Cane’s doesn’t want to add a breast filet to their menu, I can live with that, but why not throw a single tender between two pieces of grilled Texas toast as a mini sandwich? They could easily do that and would save money by not buying this terrible dry sesame seed bun.

The Bottom Line:

One of the stupidest chicken sandwiches you’ll ever eat.

Find your nearest Raising Cane’s here.

Shake Shack — Those F*cking Crinkle Cut Fries

Where They Went Wrong:

Shake Shack sells gourmet Pat LaFrieda blend burgers, hand-breads fresh chicken in-house for their sandwiches, mixes up their own sauce, and yet their fry game is weaaaaaaaaaak. In-N-Out gets a lot of shit for their bland fries but I’ll take freshly peeled and fried potatoes over this frozen crinkle-cut bullshit any day.

The crazy thing is, Shake Shack knows they have shitty fries. At one point they even tried to go a more natural route until a bunch of Shack heads complained and they brought back these frozen travesties. They should’ve weathered that storm, and eventually, people would’ve gotten over it, and we’d all be better for it.

I love French fries and I also think Shake Shack makes one of the best burgers in all of fast food, but there have been many occasions where I’ve opted against going to the Shack just because I didn’t want to eat those shitty fries. That’s a true shame.

The Bottom Line:

All we’re asking is for some high-quality fries that match the rest of the Shake Shack menu. That isn’t too much to ask!

Find your nearest Shake Shack here.

Taco Bell — No Complaints [Except The Beef Mexi-Melt! – ED]

Where They Went Wrong:

Honestly, I don’t think Taco Bell has the best menu but they don’t really need to change anything. Taco Bell is doing its thing and that’s why people love it. Sure, you could complain about discontinuing the Mexican Pizza, or get frustrated over how often Taco Bell brings fries back onto the menu, and then ditches them (we count six since the launch of the Nacho Fries — make a damn decision, Taco Bell) but so long as Taco Bell has food like the classic taco, the Crunchwrap Supreme, and those grilled burritos, there is always something worth ordering.

And at least right now, the Mexican Pizza is back on the menu, so no… complaints!

Except… wait — my editors inform me that they love the Beef Mexi-Melt and I really whiffed this one and TACO BELL NEEDS TO BRING IT BACK IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE IT WAS CHEAP AND ALMOST MIND-BOGGLINGLY TASTY!

So… do that, Taco Bell. (Also, it’s a huge oversight that Taco Bell doesn’t have a plant-based taco on the menu yet, but they’re working on it, so I won’t hold that against them.)

The Bottom Line:

Taco Bell isn’t perfect, but they don’t need to be. They’re Taco Bell! (But seriously, my editors want that Mexi-Melt back asap.)

Find your nearest Taco Bell here.

Wendy’s —No All-Day Breakfast Menu

Where They Went Wrong:

Not every fast food chain has an all-day breakfast menu, I get how logistically that’s a tough one, but with Wendy’s it feels like a real loss because the breakfast menu is too damn good not to want all day. Potato wedges, Breakfast Baconators, Hot Honey Biscuit Chicken Sandwiches, and croissant sandwiches are just some of the gems on offer.

Look, it doesn’t have to be all day, I’ll settle for breakfast hours and late night (after 10 pm), but you shouldn’t have to roll up to a Wendy’s before 10:30 AM to enjoy food that is this good. If you’ve never experienced Wendy’s breakfast, just imagine McDonald’s breakfast menu, but amazing instead of just novel.

The Bottom Line:

Wendy’s has the greatest breakfast menu in all of fast food, I just wish there was another time of day you could order it.

Find your nearest Wendy’s here.

Ahead of The 1975’s next album, Being Funny In A Foreign Language, dropping this Friday, lead singer Matty Healy took to his Instagram stories to share… a few of his thoughts. While Healy usually posts random memes and is what the kids would call a sh*tposter, yesterday he included journalists in on the bit. “Hey Journalists,” the first (now-deleted) video was captioned, as Healy notes that everyone should give the band’s album a good review.

The following video found Healy working out at the gym. Between scenes of a punching bag and him doing pull-ups, it gave the implication that Healy was ready to fight if BFIAFL didn’t receive five stars.

Thankfully, Uproxx actually seems to be safe from Healy… for now. The singer posted a screenshot of our recent review, seeming pleased by critic Steven Hyden’s impression of it. “FINALLY!” he captioned, in exact full caps. Another publication, Gigwise, gave it a ten-star review, to which Healy replied, “GIVE ME STARRRRS!!!!”

Healy’s posts soon made the rounds online by fans and writers alike. However, those of us who follow and frequently watch his chaotic posting between Instagram and Twitter weren’t surprised — knowing it’s all (mostly, hopefully) in sarcastic, good fun.

Continue scrolling for a few internet reactions to Matty Healy’s messages to journalists.

I have a weird disconnect where I drink gin fairly often (mostly in martinis and gin and tonics; I also like it in a bloody mary, aka a bloody margaret) but, up until recently, don’t really pay much attention to actual brands. This is admittedly pretty weird, considering the amount of variation under the “gin” umbrella. And how much I geek out on the craft and flavors of other spirits.

Gin is generally a distilled, un-aged spirit (though you can age it, and there are a handful of barrel-aged gins out there) that’s steeped with botanicals (generally including juniper berries) and then redistilled. Unlike the rules on bourbon, which are pretty strict (stipulating grain, barrel type, country of origin), all a gin has to have in order to be called “gin” in the United States is 40% ABV and the flavor of juniper berries, with no real stipulations on what has to be in the mash or what botanicals or additives you can use, outside that juniper.

“London Dry gins” tend to be some of the most popular (Tanqueray, Bombay Sapphire, Beefeater), and refer to gins with no artificial flavors added (only those from the distilled botanicals) plus no added sweeteners. Those are traditionally juniper heavy, and many include citrus peels, while some other, newer varieties of gin have expanded to other botanicals and leaned towards different flavor profiles — Hendrick’s, for example, is a popular gin flavored with rose and cucumber.

One can get deep into the weeds of gin distinctions if one wants, but the point is there’s a lot of variety out there and it seems worth figuring out which style one prefers. The great thing about them is that even the fancier, craftier gins aren’t particularly expensive (especially relative to bourbon and scotch).

The Test:

The tough thing about tasting gin blind is that, like I said, I normally drink gin as a component of cocktails. But it’s hard to appreciate all of a gin’s particular qualities when it’s diluted with other things, and also, not only are there a lot of gin cocktails to account for, you’d have to account for all the different variations on those cocktails (the different vermouths for a martini, for example).

For this test, I opted to split the difference a little. I tasted all of these gins straight, BUT fresh from the freezer, because that’s generally where I store my gin (the better for making ice-cold martinis). I might miss some of the subtler qualities of the gin, but I figure why taste something warm if I’m never going to drink it that way?

Today’s Lineup:

For this blind, I tasted the handful of gins I already had on the bar against some samples of newer, craftier stuff I’ve tried before — to see if I could tell the difference, in either price or taste. They are:

• Tanqueray London dry gin
• Humboldt Distillery Hemp Seed Infused Vodka
• Glendalough Rose Gin
• Mulholland Gin
• The Botanist Islay Dry Gin
• Glendalough Wild Botanical Gin
• St. George Dry Rye Gin
• St. George Terroir Gin
• St. George Botanivore Gin

The Rankings

9. St. George Terroir Gin (Sample 8)

Price: $29.99 from Total Wine

The Gin:

St. George Spirits is a Bay Area craft distillery founded in 1982. The 45% ABV terroir was one of three St. George gins I received a sample of, and as they describe it: “Inspired by hiking the trails on California’s Mt. Tam, we created St. George Terroir Gin as an ode to the wild beauty of the Golden State. Made from a host of evocative botanicals, it’s an olfactory snapshot of the lush landscape surrounding the Bay Area.”

Original Notes:

This has a richer, buttery nose that I’m struggling to identify. Is that kettle corn? There’s something caramel-foward, sweet, maybe even with a hint of cinnamon about it. On the palate… Oh, this is very herbaceous and “grassy” — it’s overpowering. This absolutely has to be the hemp one.

Sadly I do not enjoy this flavor, it reminds me of swallowing the roach. If you want something that tastes like hemp, this will be great, but I feel like I’m drinking patchouli here.

Rating: 4/10

Bottom Line:

Probably I’m undermining my own authority but having my first entry be a gin that I totally misidentified the flavor of, but I swear if you tasted this one you would understand. This is a gin supposedly designed to express the terroir of Mt. Tam in Marin County (where I’ve spent a lot of time; I lived in San Francisco for almost 10 years). But it’s such an intense mix of pine, herb, and grass that, knowing one of these was hemp flavored, I assumed it was this one.

Anyway, this was just a LOT. I may try it in a G&T or a negroni to see if that pungency is an asset there, but as a stand-alone flavor, it was just too much for me.

8. St. George Dry Rye Gin (Sample 7)

Price: $28.49 at Total Wine.

The Gin:

St. George’s 45% ABV Dry Rye gin is distilled from 100% malted rye and flavored with lots of juniper, caraway, and black pepper.

Original Notes:

This is another that smells like a vaguely butterscotchy, vaguely corn-neutral spirit. This just tastes like young liquor to me. It’s not off-putting by any means, it just doesn’t give me much.

Rating: 5/10

Bottom Line

Even though they came from the same distillery, I disliked this for basically the opposite reasons as the last one — this one felt too mild and neutral whereas the other was a chaotic flavor bomb.

This one wasn’t bad and it drank fine, it just wasn’t super memorable compared to the other gins.

7. Humboldt Distillery “Humboldt’s Finest” Hemp Seed-Infused Vodka

Price: $24.99

The Gin, er, Vodka:

Humboldt Distillery bills this one as “a vodka that drinks like a gin,” which is to say that, just like gin, this consists of a distilled spirit flavored with botanicals. But since none of those botanicals are juniper in this case, it can’t be called a “gin.” Anyway, this vodka grew out of customers constantly asking Humboldt Distillery founder Abe Stevens why he hadn’t married his sugarcane-based organic vodka with Humboldt’s most famous export — cannabis.

The customer is always right, so, voila, this hemp seed-infused vodka (which also has “notes of pine, cucumber, green tea, lemongrass, and basil.”) at 40% ABV.

Original Notes:

I’m searching for anything other than alcohol on the nose here. On the palate… this must be the vodka? This one tastes like corn alcohol, though not in an unpleasant way. There aren’t any unpleasant notes here, it just feels very neutral to me.

Rating: 6/10

Bottom Line:

It seems this vodka drank more like a vodka. That being said, I think it’s probably a credit to Humboldt Distillery that their hemp seed vodka wasn’t overpoweringly hemp-y. It could’ve been a little more poweringly something though, maybe it could’ve used a higher ABV. This felt like it would’ve done much better in a vodka competition, but against gin it just doesn’t seem as flavorful by comparison.

6. St. George Botanivore Gin

Price: $29.99

The Gin:

The “most traditional” of St. George’s gins, the 45% ABV Botanivore is infused with 19 botanicals, from anjelica to cilantro. Oh hell, I’ll just list them: angelica root, bay laurel, bergamot peel, black peppercorn, caraway, cardamom, cilantro, cinnamon, citra hops, coriander, dill seed, fennel seed, ginger, lemon peel, lime peel, orris root, Seville orange peel, star anise.

Original Notes:

This one is sweet and briny on the nose, with a subtle butterscotch. Sort of bright and sweet on the palate with a subtler pineyness. It’s… fine.

Rating: 6.5/10

Bottom Line:

Supposedly the Dry Rye had more juniper than this one, but you could’ve fooled me. This one tasted like a fairly traditional gin, to my palate, and again, there wasn’t anything off-putting about it. On another day I could see having this higher, but it just didn’t seem that memorable compared to some of the others.

Very drinkable though.

5. Tanqueray London Dry Gin (Sample 1)

Price: $17.99

The Gin

It doesn’t get much more classic than this quadruple-distilled, London Dry Gin, created back in the 1830s by Charles Tanqueray. It comes in at a spicy 47.3% ABV, and is supposedly made from a wheat-based neutral spirit from the same source as Smirnoff.

Original Notes:

This smells exactly how I imagine gin smells. Clean, piney, lots of juniper. That’s about all I get on the nose, besides alcohol. On the palate, it comes on sweet and actually kind of briny. This reminds me of the sea. Surprisingly smooth, I thought this was going to make me shudder and it didn’t.

Rating: 7.5/10

Bottom Line:

I threw this in there as the baseline option, based on the fact that I happened to have one available, as many people do. It functioned exactly as I imagined, landing perfectly in the middle. I was more impressed with the taste than I imagined though — while it may lack the “flair” of some of the pricier and craftier stuff, it’s still solid and would make a fine martini, negroni, G&T, etc.

Gotta love that mod green bottle too. One thing I would note though, is whereas lots of “well” whiskey and bourbon labels come in at a fraction of the cost of the craftier stuff, with a lot of these gins the difference was only 10 or 12 bucks, so it’s not like this is a huge value decision.

4. Glendalough Rose Gin (Sample 3)

Price: $28.99

The Gin:

You may have noticed the lack of accent above the e in the name there, and that’s because this product of Glendalough, a sustainable distillery in Ireland, is made with roses, not rosé. It was supposedly made to honor the head distiller’s mother, Rose, who also grew roses (sheesh, confusing much?). “Carefully-tended flowers from her rose garden are slowly vapor distilled with wild roses and plants from the mountains around the distillery to make this an intensely floral gin.

After distilling, the gin is then further infused with even more roses to deepen the flavors and give it its lovely pink hue.” It comes in at 41% ABV.

Original Notes:

This one is pinkish in color. I forget what the pink one was, so this is still a fair blind. On the nose, this one is REALLY piney, not just the needles but the wood too. I feel like I’m inside a Christmas tree. On the palate, I get, expectedly, a really strong hit of Christmas tree, complete with the sap and pitch, which gets me right at the back of the throat. The sap is a lot. And yet… it’s not offputting as I would’ve imagined something so redolent of pine sap to be. The smell is strong, but there isn’t a huge bite, either from the pine or the alcohol.

It kind of comes on strong on the nose and then smoothes out. This is never going to be my favorite flavor, but it’s better than I thought. I could see this being great in a cocktail.

Rating: 7.5

Bottom Line:

Interestingly, I did not get “rose” vibes from the pink gin. This one just tasted intensely piney, like being inside a sawmill. In my head, that sounds like something I wouldn’t enjoy, but it wasn’t bad.

More “interesting” than “I love this,” but your mileage may vary.

3. The Botanist Islay Dry Gin (Sample 5)

Price: $33.99

The Gin

This 46% ABV product of the Bruichladdich Distillery in Scotland, which is otherwise better known for Scotch, is reportedly made with 22 locally foraged botanicals from the isle of Islay (plus nine other ones tossed in just for fun) including one called “yellow bedstraw,” “a yellow plant that was once used as bedding and has a distinctive Tonka-Bean like aroma of fresh, creamy hay.”

Original Notes:

This one just smells like alcohol on the nose. There’s like a sweet, butterscotch thing going on on the palate though it’s fairly washed out. These are more drinkable than I was imagining but harder to differentiate. This one has a nice mouthfeel but the other notes in it seem subdued compared to the others.

It’s very nice and drinkable though.

Rating: 7.75/10

Bottom Line

I’ve had this in my bar for awhile — after Zach rated it his top gin of 2020 — and I’ve even bought it for my father (a martini drinker) as a gift. He immediately asked me where to get more. So yeah, it’s a pretty solid bottle of gin (with a very handsome bottle). I think the subtlety of it that’s normally one of its best qualities may have hurt it a little in this blind.

2. Mulholland Distilling Gin (Sample 4)

Price: $27.99

The Gin:

Finally, a celebrity gin! This product of Walton Goggins‘ Mulholland Distilling is sourced in Missouri and bottled in Ukiah, way up in Northern California. It’s distilled six times from non-GMO corn and flavored with cucumber, lavender, and lime. 48% ABV.

Original Notes:

This is very neutral smelling, like craft vodka. I get maybe just a hint of yellow corn on the nose? On the palate, yep, this definitely tastes like corn liquor, with just a hint of… cucumber, right? I’m pretty sure that’s cucumber. The cucumber is just there, not overpoweringly strong, and with a bright, clean, slightly sweet finish.

Yes, this is very nice.

Rating: 9

Bottom Line:

It was extremely close between my top two today, and it really only comes down to whether you prefer an old-school juniper-heavy gin or a more contemporary cucumber one. I do enjoy these cucumber-flavored gins a lot, and this one may have benefited from being the only cucumber-flavored option in the mix to scratch that Hendrick’s itch.

I was a bit surprised considering I was not a big fan of Mulholland’s whiskey — but perhaps that shouldn’t be too surprising considering how much longer it takes to create an aged product than a distilled-and-flavored one.

1. Glendalough Wild Botanical Gin (Sample 6)

Price: $28.99

The Gin

This other product of Glendalough in Ireland is made with foraged botanicals from the Wicklow Mountains just south of Dublin, which “go fresh (not dried) into the still within hours of foraging.” It’s sort of the Ireland equivalent of The Botanist, with a host of unique, herbaceous and floral botanicals including watermint, “a weedy, hardy plant with a mint-like character that grows in damp marshes all across Europe.” 41% ABV.

Original Notes:

This one is very different. On the nose, it’s strongly herbaceous and grassy, maybe even slightly medicinal. It smells a little like chartreuse. On the palate, this one, as expected, comes on very herbaceous, but it finishes sweet with just a hint of brine. Wow, that wasn’t what I expected at all.

This one feels like a journey.

Rating: 9/10

Bottom Line

Like I said above, this really came down to whether you prefer an herbaceous, floral gin like this or the cucumber-heavy botanicals of the Mulholland. In the end, I think I chose this one simply because it was more surprising and more complex. There was just so much going on with this one and part of the surprise was that none of that complexity was offputting.

Halloween Ends is, as the title implies, Jamie Lee Curtis’ final Halloween movie. She’s been playing Laurie Strode on and off since 1978, but this is it. She’s 100 percent finished running away from Michael Myers, that ghost sheet-wearing goofball. The Everything Everywhere All at Once actress even signed a contract to make it official.

Curtis appeared on Tuesday’s episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live, where she was asked about Halloween Ends. “I care. I care too much,” she said. “I’m a weepfest. I’ve been weeping for about a month now, trying to figure out how to say goodbye to all this.” Host Jimmy Kimmel also made her sign a contract that confirms her goodbye is for real.

It reads, “I declare this is my last Halloween movie. I, Jamie Lee Curtis, Queen of scream, daughter of Janet Lee and Tony Curtis, mother of Lindsay Lohan. Hereby sweareth, under penalty of perjury, that Halloween Ends (2022) will be the last Halloween movie I will ever appear in. For all time, across all sequels and multiverses, enforceable by the Police Department of Haddonfield, Illinois. May god have mercy on us all.” The document, which Curtis signed, ends with a “Baba Booey,” so it’s legit.

You can watch the Kimmel clip above. Halloween Ends opens on October 14.

For months, it had been rumored that Lana Del Rey would be making an appearance on Taylor Swift’s upcoming album, Midnights. Last week, Swift finally confirmed that when she shared the album’s full tracklist. Now, Swift has spoken more about Del Rey in a video in which she talks about “Snow On The Beach” (their collaboration) and heaps praise on Del Rey.

Swift said:

“‘Snow On The Beach’ is about falling in love with someone at the same time as they’re falling in love with you, sort of in this cataclysmic, fated moment where you realize someone feels exactly the same way that you feel at the same moment. And you’re kind of looking around going, ‘Wait, is this real? Is this a dream? Is this for real? Is this happening? Is it really happening?’ Kind of like it would be if you were to see snow falling on a beach.

Lana Del Rey, in my opinion, is one of the best musical artists ever. The fact that I get to exist at the same time as her is an honor and a privilege, and the fact that she would be so generous as to collaborate with us on this song is something I’m gonna be grateful for for life. Absolutely love her, and really I hope you love this song as much as I do.”

Watch the video below.

Yesterday (October 11), Blink-182 made a major reveal: Tom DeLonge was back in the band and the classic lineup is now gearing up for a new album and tour. A single, “Edging,” is also set to drop in just a couple days. While that news was unveiled yesterday, things like these are in the works for some time, and all the while, Mark Hoppus had a hard time keeping the secret.

He spoke about DeLonge’s return on an episode of his Apple Music Hits show After School Radio yesterday, saying, “Man, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. That was a burden to carry that secret for so long.”

He continued:

“I was at the Dodgers game the other night, and a fan came up. It was a guy and his wife, probably late twenties, early thirties. And the guy’s like… we take our picture, and he’s like, ‘I love your band. Grew up on your band.’ He’s like, ‘Dude, is there any way, any way at all?’ And I’m like, ‘Any way for what?’ And he’s like, ‘Is there any chance of a Blink-182 reunion tour with Tom back in the band at all?’ And he had such hope and desperation in his eyes, and I just wanted to put my hand on his shoulder and say, ‘My friend, just you wait. Just wait three, four more days.’”

Hoppus also noted of the band, “It’s all good. Everyone’s on a good page. We’re all stoked, and lots of shows coming up.”

Blink-182 is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

The When We Were Young Festival hasn’t even kicked off its inaugural run, but the nostalgic emo-rock-centered festival is already planning a return for 2023. Among next year’s performers are Green Day and Blink-182, who will be headlining the day-long festival. Other performers include Joyce Manor, 30 Seconds To Mars, The Offspring, Bowling For Soup, 5 Seconds Of Summer, and more.

The 2023 festival will take place that Saturday, October 21 at the Las Vegas Festival Grounds.

The news of Blink-182’s participation in the festival arrives shortly after the announcement of a tour featuring the band’s original members, Mark Hoppus, Tom Delonge, and Travis Barker. Ahead of their tour, which kicks off March 11, 2023, in Tijuana, Mexico, the band will release a new single this Friday (October 14) called “Edging.”

Later this month, the inaugural When We Were Young festival will take place beginning October 22 and 23, and with a third and final date of October 29. This year’s line-up will feature My Chemical Romance, Paramore, Avril Lavigne, A Day To Remember, and many others.

Presales for the 2023 festival begin this Friday, October 14. Check out the full lineup for the 2023 iteration below.

Some of the artists mentioned are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

People have always been drawn to serial killers, but something about the somewhat awkwardly titled Dahmer – Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story has really struck a nerve. The latest from Ryan Murphy, it stars nice boy Evan Peters as one of the 20th century’s most notorious murderers, it started big, continued to stay big, and, well, now it’s already an all-timer for the streamer.

As per The Hollywood Reporter, Dahmer has been number one for TV for the third week in a row, which is impressive in itself. Even more impressive are the numbers. From Oct. 3rd through the 9th, it wrangled another 205.33 million hours of viewing, bringing its total to a whopping 701.37 million. For some perspective, Bridgerton brought in 656.26 million hours in its first 28 days. In other words, a show about a cannibal necrophiliac was able to pass everyone’s favorite progressive bodice ripper and with a week’s less time.

Also for some perspective: season four of Stranger Things pulled in a ginormous 1.35 billion hours in its first 28 days, which at its rate, Dahmer will not be able to surpass. Still, not bad for a 10-episode show with an unpleasant subject that’s been a magnet for controversy, from enraging the family of one of Dahmer’s victims to earning the disinterest of almost-soundalike sweetheart Joe Pera.

(Via THR)

House of the Dragon’s Daemon Targaryen is a tall, blonde weirdo, and a man of many haircuts. He’s usually up to no good, but at least when he’s up to no good (murdering his wife, seducing his niece) his hair looks good. Daemon’s hair defines his personality and his emotions.

Throughout the first season of the series, Daemon Targaryen, Bleach King, Mr. Haircut, Lords of the Sheers, and Protector of the Salon has had several hair journeys. Essentially, the only thing the clever time jumps on House of the Dragon have taken from us are Daemon hair transformation scenes. In the first seven episodes alone, Daemon has gone from long hair to short hair to shoulder-length hair. Sometimes it is sleek and straight, sometimes it is wavy and messy, but it is always as emotional as Daemon is.

Here, we ranked all of Daemon’s haircuts and styles for your reading/viewing pleasure.

7. Episode 1, The Heirs of The Dragon

When we first meet the incestual mystery that is Daemon Targaryen in the series premiere, his hair is regal. It’s smooth and sleek, and Daemon keeps his long white blonde hair out of his face with a little halfway updo. This is exactly how I wore my hair when I was a child. His hair is long, falling all the way to his chest, only several inches away from being horse girl hair.

6. Episode 5, “We Light the Way”

Daemon’s emo phase from episode four (more on that if you keep reading I beg you) didn’t last very long. By episode five, where he makes a big entrance at the feast to kick off Rhaenerya’s wedding festivities, he’s sick of hair getting in his face. Since his hair is still too short to wear his signature updo, he combs it back. Daemon Targaryen can do better than this.

5. Episode 2, “The Rogue Prince”

Daemon’s hairstyle remains about the same as it did in episode one, but it looks even better. Outside of the wretched King’s Landing, his hair texture is thriving.

4. Episode 6, “The Princess and the Queen”

Daemon grew out of his emo phase and as such, let his hair grow out. He’s back to wearing his signature halfway updo, but his moisturized, straight hair falls just past the shoulders now. Cute!

3. Episode 7, “Driftmark”

Although it was nearly impossible to see, Daemon’s hair in episode seven is the same as it was in episode six: the shoulder-length cut is worn halfway up. But the combination of the salty air at Driftmark and being in the presence of his niece and one true love (which is very gross no matter how hot Matt Smith is) gives Daemon’s hair more body and more shine than it’s ever had.

2. Episode 3, “Second of His Name”

In between episodes, Daemon may have gotten a trim but he definitely lost a hairbrush, which is a good thing. Fresh off riding his dragon, Daemon has beach hair: crunchy, low-effort waves created by the salty water and air. Every summer I try to achieve this look with sea salt spray. My version will never be as good as this.

1. Episode 4, “King of the Narrow Sea”

While we were going about our lives in between House of the Dragon episodes, Mr. Haircut over here walked into a Westerosi hair salon grasping a picture of a Young Leonardo DiCaprio. Daemon’s 90s heartthrob look works for him because it makes him more alluring and more menacing at the same time. Daemon lets his hair get into his face, indicating that he is counting down the days to the new Paramore album.

Bonus: The Hood

The hood hides Daemon Targaryen’s haircut, but it is, nonetheless, essential to the aesthetic of the prince’s head because whenever Daemon is up to no good (committing crimes such as murder, taking his niece out to finger bang her), he wears his menacing little crime hood.

The New York Yankees and Cleveland Guardians opened a five-game ALDS matchup on Tuesday evening. Cleveland struck first on a Steven Kwan home run against Gerrit Cole before New York countered with four runs in the middle innings to take control of the proceedings at Yankee Stadium. However, perhaps the wildest moment of the game did not include in-game action, but rather one of the most bizarre cross-promotional attempts in history.

TBS’s Lauren Shehadi was tasked with an on-camera report involving well-known HBO series House of the Dragon and the attempt was met was befuddlement.

Shehadi’s report included a reference to officials being “hopeful that the dragon won’t breathe fire during game play” before a pivot to a direct promo of House of the Dragon’s streaming placement on HBO Max. It should be noted that this is not Shehadi’s fault, and it is exceptionally unlikely that she had this idea on her own.

Of course, it is worth remembering that TBS and HBO Max are under the same umbrella through WarnerMedia, explaining the background on this particular sales attempt. Still, it was an instance in which a CGI dragon did not exactly feel authentic in the moment, and it will be fascinating to see if there are more embeds to come.