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Summer is about to disappear like a dandelion puff in the wind. It’s still here, mind you… but it will soon be gone. Meaning you need to grab onto as much summer excitement in the next few weeks as you possibly can because you’re going to be taking your heavy winter coats out of storage before you know it.

While there are many things left to accomplish this summer, all we really want to do is kick our feet up and drink some crisp, refreshing lagers. Specifically light lagers.

For those unaware, a light lager is (as the name suggests) a light version of the classic lager. While it doesn’t necessarily have the word “light” on the packaging, it’s usually a crisp, refreshing, sessionable lager in the 3-5% ABV range. These beers are flavorful but not overly malty and are undeniably crushable on a hot summer (or early fall) day.

To help you squeeze the most out of the remaining summer days and nights, we’ve taken the step of listing eight of our favorite light lagers below. We also ranked them, so you know exactly which light lagers to fill your cooler with as you enjoy the few remaining summer evenings ahead. Keep scrolling to see where your favorites landed!

8) Spiteful Lager

ABV: 4.7%

Average Price: $10.99 for a six-pack

The Beer:

This pale lager is as no-frills as summery lagers come. Brewed with Pilsner malts and German Grüngeist hops, it’s light, drinkable, crisp, and highly crushable. It’s not trying to be anything different, though — the brewery didn’t even bother to come up with a unique name for it.

Tasting Notes:

A dull nose of lemon zest and cracker-like malts greet your nose. There’s really nothing else remotely discernable. The palate has a few notes of cereal grains, lemon, light pepper, and some more cracker malts. But that’s it.

This beer is extremely boring and… that’s probably the point.

Bottom Line:

One sip of this beer and you’ll realize that it wasn’t crafted to wow anyone with bold flavors. It’s watery, slightly crisp, and more akin to seltzer water than beer. Refreshing on a hot day but that’s about it.

7) Jack’s Abby Post Shift Pilsner

ABV: 4.7%

Average Price: $9.50 for a four-pack of 16-ounce cans

The Beer:

This year-rounder beer was created to be just as the name suggests. It’s a light, easy-drinking beer to be enjoyed after a long day of work. It’s 4.7% ABV, crushable, crisp, and exactly what you need after a long, stressful workday.

Tasting Notes:

Notes of freshly baked bread, dry grass, and lemon zest are the only aromas found on the nose. The palate is surprisingly earthy and herbal with more grass and lemon zest. There’s a little bit of sweet malt presence, but overall, it’s fairly muted in general. The finish is a little more bitter than expected ending this fairly unexciting taste experience.

Bottom Line:

Post Shift Pilsner isn’t the most exciting beer and that’s likely by design. It’s supposed to be a crushable beer for after work and that’s exactly what it is. Nothing more.

6) Ballast Point Longfin Lager

ABV: 4.5%

Average Price: $10.99 for a six-pack

The Beer:

If you’re a beer drinker, you’re probably well aware of Ballast Point Sculpin IPA. But you might not be as well versed with the brewery’s other beers. If you’re not an IPA fan, the San Diego-based brewery also makes a Pilsner malt-driven German-style Helles lager created to be imbibed on hot summer days.

Tasting Notes:

Notes of bready malts, fruit juice, and some light piney hops are found on the nose. But otherwise, it’s fairly uninspired. Sipping it revealed more freshly-baked bread, some sweet cereal grains, and not much else. The finish is dry and lightly bitter. All in all, a crisp, easy drinking brew… but also fairly boring beer.

Bottom Line:

Continuing the trend of easy-drinking, fairly flavorless beers is Ballast Point Longfin Lager. It’s fine for what it’s supposed to be. You can drink it fast and you’ll enjoy it. You just probably won’t be talking about it the next day.

5) Sierra Nevada Sierraveza

ABV: 5%

Average Price: $10.99 for a six-pack

The Beer:

This beer has “gimmick” written all over it. From the label to the name. But that still doesn’t stop it from being a good example of a light and easy-drinking, session lager. It even has the words “easy drinking” written on the can. This Sterling hop-based lager was created to pay homage to the light, summery lagers crafted in Mexico.

Tasting Notes:

Earthy, slightly herbal, wet grass, and light fruit. These are the notable aromas that draw you in on the nose. The palate is more of the same with some freshly cut grass, sweet wheat, and more light citrus fruit. It’s undeniably crisp, crushable, and easy to drink. It doesn’t hurt that it has at least a little bit of flavor as well.

Bottom Line:

While the flavor profile won’t knock your proverbial socks off, it manages to have a few light flavors that make it more than simply a watery, fizzy, light lager.

4) Narragansett Lager

ABV: 5%

Average Price: $6.99 for a six-pack of 16-ounce cans

The Beer:

Brewed since 1890, this award-winning, classic lager was not only the first alcohol to partner with a professional sports team when it was a sponsor of the Boston Red Sox from the 40s to the 70s, but it’s also the beer “crushed” by Quint in the 1975 summer classic Jaws. It’s still just as crisp and easy to drink today.

Tasting Notes:

Complex aromas of sweet honey, lemongrass, cereal grains, caramel malts, and light floral hops greet your nose before the first sip. While the palate is a little lighter than the nose, that’s okay. There are more sweet cereal grains, light fruity notes, honey, and a nice, malty, sweet, barely bitter finish that leaves you craving more.

Bottom Line:

There’s a reason this award-winning beer has been a summer staple for generations. It’s light, easy to drink, but also full of flavor and has little to no bitterness.

3) Green Bench Bench Life

ABV: 4.6%

Average Price: $10.99 for a six-pack

The Beer:

This light, crisp, easy-drinking lager was brewed with flaked corn for sweetness, malted barley for body, and Mount Hood hops to give it a little floral, piney zing. It’s simple and highly drinkable on a hot summer day, yet surprisingly balanced for a light lager.

Tasting Notes:

Strong fragrances of sweet corn, cereal grains, bready malts, caramel, lemon, and light floral hops greet your nose before your first sip. Drinking it brings forth flavors of cracker-like malts, lemongrass, hay, caramel, and a dry, slightly sweet slightly bitter finish that makes you want to crack one more open.

Bottom Line:

This is the kind of light lager that you’ll go back to again and again. It’s light and refreshing, but well-balanced with a smattering of malts, hops, and flaked corn sweetness.

2) Night Shift Nite Lite

ABV: 4.3%

Average Price: $8.99 for a four-pack of 16-ounce cans

The Beer:

This 4.3% ABV light lager might be light in calories (120) and alcohol content, but it’s definitely not light in flavor with a nice mix of cereal sweetness, citrus peel, and bready malts to create a highly drinkable, memorable lager to drink as the summer winds down.

Tasting Notes:

Freshly cut grass, earthy hay, cereal grains, and light lemon zest are prevalent on the nose. The palate is highlighted by more cracker malts, sweet caramel corn, honey, lemongrass, and light, resinous, piney hops at the finish. For a light lager, it’s the rare beer that bridges the gap between low alcohol and high flavor.

Bottom Line:

You might see a name like “Nite Lite” and assume you’re in for a watery beer. Well, you’re not. It’s light and effervescent and has a nice malt backbone, gentle sweetness, and just the right amount of bitterness at the finish.

1) Burial Innertube

ABV: 3.5%

Average Price: $11 for a six-pack

The Beer:

When it comes to summery activities, there are few things more carefree and relaxing than a nice day spent tubing on a river, pond, or lake. Imagine this activity in beer form and you have Burial Innertube. This old school-style lager was brewed with corn, rice, and North American barley.

Tasting Notes:

The nose is loaded with bready malts, light citrus, sweet rice, corn, and light floral hops. It’s simple and fresh and leaves you ready to dive in and take a sip. The palate continues this trend. It’s light, fresh, crisp, and highly refreshing with notes of sweet corn, rice, bready malts, and earthy, grassy hops. All in all, it’s a thirst-quencher with surprisingly full flavor.

Bottom Line:

This is a great beer to wind down the summer with. It’s really low in alcohol, crisp, and full-flavored. It’s sessionable and perfect for an afternoon of tubing or simply sitting on a back porch and watching the world go by.

Orcas are among the smartest animals in the world, and their combo of intelligence and social behavior can make for some interesting surprises.

Adolescent orcas have been causing headaches for boaters off the coasts of Europe with some seemingly aggressive behavior toward boat rudders, repeatedly ramming into and biting them, causing major damage. Most of these rudder encounters, which have reportedly been happening for just over two years, have taken place near Portugal and Spain.

However, as NPR reports, the same kind of boat attack recently took place off the coast of France. Ester Kristine Storkson shared that she was violently awakened on her father’s 37-foot sailboat by several orcas ramming into the vessel. “They [hit] us repeatedly … giving us the impression that it was a coordinated attack,” she told NPR. After about 15 minutes, they swam away, leaving the boat’s rudder destroyed.

The location of this particular encounter has surprised orca experts, as it’s nowhere near where the other rudder incidents have occurred. Renaud de Stephanis, president and coordinator at cetacean research group CIRCE Conservación Information and Research, told NPR that the Spain and Portugal encounters are thought to have been from a small group of adolescent male orcas from the same pod, but the coast of France isn’t in their home range.

“I really don’t understand what happened there,” he said. “It’s too far away. I mean, I don’t think that [the orcas] would go up there for a couple of days and then come back.”

u201cOrcas have been ambushing boats along the Spain and Portugal coast, destroying rudders and sinking two vessels in the worst-known encounter. Scientists speculate the animals might be playing a game.nhttps://t.co/6ktRgXe78bu201d

— NPR (@NPR)
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The reason for the rudder destruction is unknown, but scientists have a few theories. One is that the young orcas like the way the water feels when a boat’s propeller is on, and ramming the rudder is a way of saying, “Hey, turn it on, man!” It could just be curiosity about the moving parts of a boat or frustration with the propellers not moving. It’s also possible that it’s simply a fun game for them, according to de Stephanis. “When they … have their own adult life, it will probably stop,” he told NPR.

In other words, typical teenage hooliganism.

u201cPaul informed me this morning that 1) there are a couple teenage orcas in Europe who are knocking the rudders off sailboats. 2) This isnu2019t weird because teenage orcas go through weird trends/phases 3) that a few years ago the trend was to kill a fish AND WEAR IT ON THEIR HEAD.u201d

— Heidi Heidi (@Heidi Heidi)
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According to LiveScience, orca societies actually have fads that come and go and this rudder-ramming behavior might be one. A 2004 paper published in Biological Conservation described how one female orca in the Puget Sound off of Washington State had started a trend of wearing dead salmon like a hat. Others followed her lead and the “fashion” trend even spread to two other pods. The “dead-salmon-wearing” fad lasted about six weeks. A few orcas apparently tried to bring it back the following summer, but it didn’t catch on again.

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— Quad Finn (@Quad Finn)
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Jared Towers, the director of Bay Cetology in British Columbia, studies a population of orcas in the Pacific and says “games” like the rudder ramming come and go in orca societies. We have juvenile males who … often interact with prawn and crab traps,” he says. “That’s just been a fad for a few years.”

While we wait for the rudder ramming fad to fade, it’s good to remember that orcas are not aggressive towards humans. There is no recorded death from an orca attack in the wild, and very few reports of any kind of attacks on humans at all. Though these boat encounters are certainly frightening and potentially dangerous—at least one boat has sunk from the rudder destruction—they do not appear to be aggressive attacks directed at people.

Maybe there’s a deeper message we can’t understand in these shenanigans? Or maybe these youngsters just need an after-school program to productively channel their youthful energy.

For some reason mimicking British accents poorly is a fun thing for people to do. I’d say it was just a weird American thing but I follow quite a few Canadians on social media that slip in and out of a bad British accent in the course of a sixty second TikTok video.

It’s probably safe to say that toddlers who watch practically illegal amounts of “Peppa Pig” have a better grasp of the true accent. But professor David Ley has mastered the transition of different dialects of the British accent and he teaches you how to do it in a 3 minute video from 2013.

Ley teaches drama and is a voice and dialect coach at the University of Alberta in Canada and his method of teaching the different British dialects is fascinatingly simple. But don’t think you’ll walk away after a three minute clip being a master at the accent. It takes practice and since his methods are so simple, you can practice them at home without having to get a drama degree or moving to Britain. Not that we wouldn’t immediately sign up for that!

In the video he demonstrates at amazing speed how to go between a posh British accent to that of a working class British accent just by adjusting the way he sits in his chair. Ley then talks about adjusting your mouth to form vowels properly by placing your fingers outside of your cheeks and pushing inward slightly. To practice further he says you can use a hard candy to flatten the tongue. And let’s be honest, candy might actually motivate people to give this exercise a try.

If nothing else, it’s certainly an amazing thing to watch as he effortlessly switches back and forth between accents. It’s easy to forget he’s not actually British. Check it out in the video below.

Megan Thee Stallion has been at odds with her label 1501 Certified Entertainment, led by former MLB outfielder Carl Crawford, since early 2020. The two have been engaged in an ongoing back-and-forth over contract issues, with the Traumazine artist claiming her music was being withheld from release and that she wasn’t being paid. Crawford, meanwhile, alleged that she was given a generous contract and he has been funding her shows. The situation heated up even more back in March 2022, when the legal discourse became personal and claims of alcoholism and drug use came into play.

In a March 21 Instagram post, Carl Crawford accused the Houston artist of lying and hiding behind her management, Roc Nation. The “Plan B” artist responded, writing, “Carl I don’t wanna be signed to yo pill popping ass! You talking abt I ain’t paid for a show and you sound slow. Im the artist I don’t pay you directly maybe fight with THE MAN YOU SIGNED TO AND YOU MIGHT SEE SOME MONEY YOU F*CKING POWDER HEAD! You hiding behind JPRINCE”

As the situation continued, Crawford followed up with a denial of Megan’s claims before escalating the situation even further. “This all Coming from a Bonafide Alcoholic who f*cked the whole industry including her best friend n****.” With Traumazine out now and the contract issues rearing their head once again, Megan Thee Stallion has been very vocal on Twitter. J Prince has also thrown his opinion into the mix with a lengthy Instagram post about Megan breaching her contract.

In short, it’s all very messy and it’s unclear who is in the right.

Check out the March back and forth above.

Megan Thee Stallion is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Cafuné have been on a roll lately. The NYC-based duo of singer/songwriter Sedona Schat and writer/producer Noah Yoo have been making music together since their NYU days in the mid-2010s. But it wasn’t until they released their 2021 debut album Running that Cafuné found major success. Their moody and swooning track “Tek It” went viral on TikTok and has been used in over 200,000 videos and counting on the app. But that’s not Cafuné’s only recent win. They secured a record deal with acclaimed label Elektra and shortly thereafter kicked off a tour opening for CHVRCHES, growing their already sizeable following day-by-day.

While Running‘s “Tek It” is their most popular song by far, the album as a whole is overflowing with dreamy, mesmerizing bedroom pop. Songs like the vibey “High” and house-leaning “Empty Tracks” exude alt-pop dynamism that displays the duo’s tight-knit friendship and music-producing chops. To celebrate their success and take a break from their busy tour schedule, Schat sat down with Uproxx to talk legacy, Korean BBQ, and expertly pouring wine in our latest Q&A.

What are four words you would use to describe your music?

Tender, sincere, blue, imperfect.

It’s 2050 and the world hasn’t ended and people are still listening to your music. How would you like it to be remembered?

Noah may have a different take on this, but I personally am not somebody who focuses much on legacy or how things will be remembered, because I don’t feel like I really have much understanding of how people perceive our music, even in the present. The fact that people are genuinely connecting to the earnestness and emotional nature of the songs is what touches me and I hope that continues into the future.

What’s your favorite city in the world to perform?

So many cities we have yet to play! Our two most recent hometown shows were really wonderful, but we had some amazing shows in the South as well! We can’t wait to go to Brazil and South Korea.

Who’s the person who has most inspired your work, and why?

Maybe jointly it’s somebody like Thom Yorke. I’m really inspired by him vocally and we both just really respect the songwriting and musical exploration that he’s done, as well as the longevity of his creative career. I think Ryuichi Sakamoto is a huge influence on Noah in particular as well.

Where did you eat the best meal of your life?

I’m sort of obsessed with food but we had a Korean BBQ feast with the band the night we got back from tour that was absolutely glorious.

What album do you know every word to?

Currents by Tame Impala, Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix by Phoenix, or the Killers’ first album Hot Fuss.

What was the best concert you’ve ever attended?

I saw Paul McCartney at Outside Lands a couple years ago and was blown away that he still had so much energy. That or the Skepta show at Palisades in 2015 (RIP to that venue) or the King Krule gig at China Chalet (RIP to that place too).

What is the best outfit for performing and why?

Something that is comfortable and moveable but also makes me feel cute and sexy. I just got these matching shirt and pants from Hyein Seo that are perfect for that.

Who’s your favorite person to follow on Twitter and/or Instagram?

La Meme Young

What’s your most frequently played song in the van on tour?

We went through a LOT of different music in the van, but when we were getting ready to play we had “More Than a Woman” by the Bee Gee’s and “Right Here Right Now” by Fatboy Slim in the rotation.

What’s the last thing you Googled?

Calendula Flowers.

What album makes for the perfect gift?

What’s Going On by Marvin Gaye — I feel like you’re not gonna find anyone that wouldn’t be happy to receive that album.

Where’s the weirdest place you’ve ever crashed while on tour?

We just went on our first tour and are honestly quite lucky to have been able to stay in pretty decent/nice hotels. However, we did stay in this hotel for a radio show in Annapolis where the dude at the front desk pretty explicitly was like, “Yeah this place is haunted, anyways have a nice night!” That was fun.

What’s the story behind your first or favorite tattoo?

My favorite tattoo is a pomegranate on my right leg. I’ve always just loved pomegranates — their connection to the Persephone story, the fact that they’re in season in the winter, associated with death. The process of eating and taking them apart is downright gory. They’re almost alien in their construction in this way that makes me feel connected to divine design. I’m just… really into them!

What artists keep you from flipping the channel on the radio?

Red Hot Chili Peppers.

What’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?

Noah did the Heimlich maneuver on me once when I was choking and saved my life, that was nice I guess.

What’s one piece of advice you’d go back in time to give to your 18-year-old self?

Don’t let that editor voice in your head prevent you from being open and creative! It’s okay if it isn’t good right away and not every song you write will be good.

What’s the last show you went to?

We got to see CHVRCHES’ set many times throughout our most recent tour.

What movie can you not resist watching when it’s on TV?

Mean Girls.

What’s one of your hidden talents?

I’m pretty good at pouring liquid generally…. The direct result of pouring wine for a living for years.

Running is out now via Elektra/Aurelians Club. Get it here.

Cafuné is a Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Disney still has a ways to go until they’ve made live-action redos of all their animated films, but on the docket is Hercules, their 1997 take on the Greek/Roman myth he-man. Guy Ritchie, who semi-improbably handled the Aladdin one, is back, and it’s unknown who will play who, but they’ll have a hard time topping Danny DeVito, who voiced the satyr Philoctetes, usually just called “Phil.” But DeVito has an idea: Why not cast him again?

In a new chat with Wired, in which he has to answer “the web’s most searched questions,” DeVito was asked about the new Hercules. And he had (profane) thoughts.

“If they don’t put me in that, they don’t have a hair on their ass,” DeVito responded. Or maybe he meant playing the lead, not Phil. “I am the live-action Hercules!”

Why not! After all, DeVito has long been a diminutive badass. It was he who had one of the most explosive (and succinct) responses to the out-of-control, Trump-appointed Supreme Court going Medieval on the country early in the summer. And it was he who managed to get another onscreen Hercules — that would be Hercules Goes Bananas star Arnold Schwarzenegger — high as a prank. The live-action Disney remakes are more often slavish remakes. Why not think outside the box and cast the erstwhile Louie De Palma as the strongman who captured Cerberus.

You can watch DeVito’s Wired chat in the video below.

(Via Collider)

Are you ready to return to Gilead? And for the next season of The Handmaid’s Tale?

That’s a little gallows humor as we head into the fifth season of the Hulu show, and its first in a post-Roe world. It’s inevitable that this season will hit different.

[Spoilers ahead, but you knew that because you’re watching the trailer for the fifth season of a show.]

At the end of the fourth season, Fred (Joseph Fiennes) went from “I’m a man! I have rights!” to having no skull to keep his brains inside. It shifted the entire premise of the show from one where June (Elisabeth Moss) wanted to escape to safety and family reunions in Canada. Now, she’s chosen to dig two graves, and the trailer for the fifth season promises that Serena Joy (Yvonne Strahovski) won’t let the husband she apathetically deigns to Zoom with die in vain. June is an insult to her way of life — looking perfect as a family unit on the outside while rotting from within. June is also an existential threat to Gilead itself because she’s fighting back, and if there’s one thing the bullying, fascist bastards dislike, it’s people who fight back.

Even in this brief glimpse, the acting work from Moss and Strahovski looks outstanding. It fell off the Emmy watchlist last year, but it might be undeniable this time around.

The fifth season of The Handmaid’s Tale hits Hulu September 14th, topical as ever.

Trader Joe’s is well-known for branding its own products — frozen pizzas, wine, beer, and, yes, whiskey are all in play. They’re pretty damn good at it too, while also being famous for keeping prices fairly low. Since the prices on the various Trader Joe’s whiskeys also fall into that “affordable” category, one we love so much (so so so much), I knew it was time to taste a few to see how they measure up in the grand pantheon of cheap/affordable brown juice.

I headed out to my local Trader Joe’s and found a liquor aisle with a surprisingly good selection of bourbon at decent prices. There was also a fair amount of Scotch whisky on the shelf with a few other regions represented. It wasn’t as vast as a good liquor store, but it was a very solid selection of booze. I decided to grab three bottles from three regions: Kentucky, Tennessee, and Scotland. I figured this was a good entry-point to the world of Trader Joe’s branded whiskey.

Bottles in play for this tasting are:

• Trader Joe’s Kentucky Bourbon Straight Whiskey
• Trader Joe’s Speyside Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 8 Years
• Tennessee Sour Mash Bourbon Whiskey

Trader Joe’s whiskeys — like most in-store branded hooch — are contract bottled and labeled by an independent bottler. Generally speaking, the bottler sources barrels or ready-to-bottle whisk(e)y from each region. They then finish the whiskey, if needed, in-house, bottle it, label it, and ship it out to Trader Joe’s warehouses. Point being: Trader Joe’s is not making this whiskey.

As for the ranking/tasting, this is based on taste alone. I tasted knowing what the bottles are. There’s no point in blindly tasting three whiskeys from three regions that are extremely obvious from the nose. That said, these three bottles were massively divergent. So the ranking was super obvious once I dug in. Let’s dive right in and see which bottle of TJ’s whiskey is worth your time (and money).

Also Read: The Top 5 UPROXX Bourbon Posts Of The Last Six Months

• We Blind Tasted A Whole Bunch Of $30-60 Bourbons To See If Any Could Beat Weller
• We Blind Tasted Classic Bourbons And Were Shocked By The Winner
• The Best Ten-Year-Old Bourbon Whiskeys, Tasted Blind And Ranked
• We Tasted Bourbon Whiskeys ‘Double-Blind’ And Tried To Guess Each Bottle
• All The Double Gold-Winning Straight Bourbons From This Year’s San Francisco World Spirits Competition

Part 1: The Tasting/Ranking

3. Tennessee Sour Mash Bourbon Whiskey — Taste 3

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $15

The Whiskey:

This whiskey is made in Tennessee (from an unnamed distiller) with the famed “Lincoln County Process” where the hot juice off the still is filtered through sugar maple charcoal before going into the barrel. The juice is then aged for … *grimace* … six months.

For context, the cheapest whiskey is usually aged at least two years with four to six years being closer to the norm. Those sourced barrels are then sent to a bottler in Texas where it’s proofed all the way down (likely to hide that minimal aging and the taste) before bottling for Trader Joe’s.

Tasting Notes:

The nose is lawn grass and white chalk with a good dose of ethanol (basically vodka) and diacetyl (fake popcorn butter) — it’s kind of like a cheap hand sanitizer. The palate is very watery with a vanilla chalk edge and more of that cheap hand sanitizer with maybe a hint of caramel and cherry lurking somewhere under all that water and ethanol.

This is offensive.

Bottom Line:

This is the first whiskey I’ve ever tasted that kind of made me mad. If I were from Tennessee, I’d be pretty pissed off. This isn’t just “bad but you can shoot it.” It’s “pour this shit down the drain because it’s besmirching the good name of Tennessee whiskey.” Seriously, this is the sort of whiskey people try and then think they “don’t like whiskey” for the rest of their lives.

If you don’t believe me, my wife’s two-sentence review was, “Hideous. This is why people hate whiskey.”

2. Trader Joe’s Speyside Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 8 Years — Taste 2

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $21

The Whiskey:

This Speyside whisky is sourced for Trader Joe’s and bottled before being shipped over to the U.S. The juice in the bottle is a standard single malt aged for eight years before blending, filtering, and proofing.

Tasting Notes:

This is a butterscotch boom on the nose with a hint of malted vanilla and bran muffins. The palate is lightly malted with a very watery opening next to orchard fruits and a light sense of “wood” that’s just touched with winter spices. A hint of honey and maybe some apple sneak in a late with a slightly woody but mostly watery finish.

Bottom Line:

This was fine. There was nothing really offensive about it but there wasn’t much there in the first place. It’d work perfectly fine with Coke and ginger ale but that’s about it.

1. Trader Joe’s Kentucky Bourbon Straight Whiskey — Taste 1

ABV: 45%

Average Price: $15

The Whiskey:

This sourced whiskey is from an unknown Kentucky distillery (some say it comes from Barton 1792, like Costco’s whiskey but there’s no real proof backing that up). The juice is aged for five years before it’s blended, filtered, and proofed down for bottling.

Tasting Notes:

The nose opens with a light sense of sour cherry, dried red chili, Red Hots, and a bit of cellar must. The palate is sweet with plenty of caramel, vanilla pudding, and a bit of heat that builds towards a sense of “wood” and leather. The end peters out a bit as the warmth overtakes the wood and fades away, leaving a sweet cherry/vanilla note.

Bottom Line:

This was… perfectly fine. It was cheap bourbon for $15. I wouldn’t make an extra trip to Trader Joe’s to buy this but I would pick up a bottle if it was on sale to use for whiskey and Cokes or… more likely cooking, tbh.

Part 2: Final Thoughts

Ugh. I taste a lot of whiskeys and these all fell to the bottom. The Scotch whisky was fine for what it is — a $20 bottle of young whisky. There was nothing offensive about it (though the nose was a little too butterscotch). Otherwise, it was a perfectly fine mixer for highballs with a lot of bold flavors in the mix.

The bourbon was also fine. I don’t really see the point of going out of your way to get this bottle when you can get a cheaper and better Jim Beam or Evan Williams pretty much everywhere. That said, there was nothing offensive about this bourbon. It was drinkable and easy-going.

Then there was the Tennessee whiskey. It’s an abomination. Avoid at all costs. I’m still kind of mad about it. Seriously.

Nick Cannon wastes no time. Surely we could’ve expected this from the man who very recently said he was “f*cking like crazy” and that he practices “consensual non-monogamy.” But while Cannon is currently expecting baby #9 with model Abby De La Rosa, he is also now officially expecting baby #10 with model Brittany Bell. De La Rosa is due on October 25th and a new video of Cannon posing with Bell shows that she’s pretty far along herself.

“Time Stopped and This Happened…,” Cannon wrote on Instagram. In the video, Cannon poses with Bell for maternity photos and her belly looks large enough to perhaps beat De La Rosa to the delivery room. Pretty impressive of Cannon & co. to keep this one under wraps. A quick look at Bell’s Instagram page, shows that she hasn’t posted any photos that could show a pregnant belly for months. Very sly!

This will mark Cannon’s 10th time being a father. Including his upcoming baby with De La Rosa, there are twins Monroe Cannon and Moroccan Scott Cannon (with Mariah Carey), Golden Cannon, Legendary Love Cannon, Zen S. Cannon, — who tragically passed away last December at five months old — Zion Mixolydian Cannon, Zillion Heir Cannon, and Powerful Queen Cannon.

And with now two more kids on the way, the internet — of course — has jokes.

Joe Biden didn’t have the best first year-and-a-half in office. He got a lot done, but he was also hampered by forces outside his control: quisling Democrats; an out-of-control Supreme Court; fellow party leadership that seemed under-motivated. By mid-summer, he’d suddenly found his mojo, and it’s been one bold move after another — all while his predecessor finally, belatedly seemed to (maybe) get his comeuppance.

On Wednesday, he added another success story: He offered (modest) student loan forgiveness to millions and millions of Americans. It could have been better; it wasn’t a total erasure, as some had hoped. But it was enough to aggravate all the right people, namely those on the right, some of whom themselves had even larger PPP debts forgiven. But when pressed on his not-that-controversial decision, Biden wasn’t backing down

After addressing the forgiveness plan, which won’t take effect until later this year, Biden was heading for the door when ABC News correspondent Karen Travers asked if it was “unfair to people who paid their student loans or chose not to take out loans.”

But Biden was ready. “Is it fair to people who, in fact, do not own multi-billion-dollar businesses if they see one of these guys getting all the tax breaks? Is that fair?” he asked rhetorically. “What do you think?”

Biden’s quick response had people, some of whom had been underwhelmed by his presidency thus far, calling it straight-up badass.

Others used it to slam his critics, including those who have hypocritically accepted loan forgiveness themselves.

And so Biden had another “Dark Brandon” win, referring to the epithet he’s since managed to spin as a win. Lets go Dark Brandon.