It’s time for another roundup of goodness from around the internet, and this week we seem to have a theme. We love celebrating families here at Upworthy, our list this week highlights some delightful daddies, some fabulous fathers and some precious pop pops. Few things are as heartwarming as a good dad or grandpa moment, and we’ve got a sweet little handful of them for you.
We’ve also got a Disney princess making someone’s day, a guy who practically channels an iconic voice, some wickedly (and hilariously) talented animals and an expression of pure public joy.
We hope this collection brings as much happiness to your hearts as it does to ours. Enjoy!
1. When he kissed this newborn baby, he definitely didn’t expect this to happen.
u201cAwww, my heart just melted. ud83eudee0ud83eudd70u201d
Her little voice! His beaming smile when he heard it. And the way the woman making the announcement had to wait til she’d said her “Congratulations, Daddy!” and “I love you, Daddy!” Just so much mutual love.
And someday, that love may turn into adorable dad humor…
brought to you by my parents’ obsession with drag race
It started with one TikTok and has grown into a full-blown phenomenon. Jeff rocks these crocheted pieces and has a blast doing it. Read the full story here.
And someday, all of that love and support may go from fatherhood to grandfatherhood and be equally heartwarming…
5. Granddaughter surprises grandpa who had to miss her wedding and his reaction is so sweet.
When Princess Anna can sign and have a full conversation with my deaf child. 🥹 Zoe has never been able to chat with a princess without Jesse or myself interpreting. This was magical. Thank you Princess Anna for making our trip so special! #deafchildren #asl #americansignlanguage #BigInkEnergy #fyp #feelgood #inclusionmatters @Disney Parks @Disneyland California
“Zoe has never been able to chat with a princess without Jesse or myself interpreting. This was magical,” wrote the girl’s mom. “Thank you Princess Anna for making our trip so special!” Disney does its best to bring the magic to all of its visitors and it doesn’t go unnoticed. Read the full story here.
7. This guy’s first TikTok got 25 million views. When he opens his mouth you see why.
First post on tiktok let me know what you guys think! More videos coming soon feom mj to country to rock so yall be sure to stay tuned!#fyp #singer #usherchallenge @usher @tpain #letsgo #firstvideo
That’s quite the Michael Jackson impression, sir. The falsetto “he he” totally seals it.
8. This emu doing an interpretive dance is the definition of chaotic good.
Before Emmanuel Todd Lopez, there was Karen the obstinate emu whose aggressive antics are hilariously showcased on the Useless Farm TikTok channel. You can read about Karen here, but first watch that interpretive dance video of her and Stanley a few more times because how could you not???
And speaking of talented animals…
9. Who taught these adorable doggos how to jump rope? I need names.
u201cThere is so much to see in here. ud83eudd70nnCredit/Imguru201d
How do they even know what to do? The way they prep for the hops! Their impeccable timing! That dog just holding the rope in its mouth and watching the others have all the fun! The way they keep coming back for more! So much to appreciate here.
10. Let’s roll into the weekend like this guy joyfully cruising through town belting Taylor Swift.
In 2016, Danny Dubbaneh and his brother Jimmy started Z&Z, a Middle Eastern foods company just outside of Washington, D.C., to share the “bold flavors of za’atar with the rest of the world” as well as Middle Eastern culture and hospitality.
Za’atar is a spice mix that can be used as a rub for chicken, beef, lamb or fish. It’s also sprinkled over hummus, labneh or baba ganoush.
Danny created a YouTube channel Z&Z TV where his family shares the joys of Middle Eastern culture. On August 2, Danny released a popular video of himself and his father, affectionately known as Baba, explaining some popular Arabic idioms.
The video is great because it shows how when we learn new sayings they open up a new way of seeing the world that we may not have considered.
“My favorite parts of learning any language are idioms of what some people call sayings or proverbs,” Danny explains in the video. “Idioms can often give you quite a bit of insight into another culture, especially if they’re commonly used.”
Here are a few of their favorite sayings.
“Go tile the ocean” — It’s basically a way of saying “get lost.”
“Repetition teaches the donkey” — Donkeys aren’t the smartest animals, but even with some repetition, they can learn a thing or two.
“Stretch your legs only as far as your blanket extends” — Don’t overextend yourself, financially.
“Swallowed a radio” — Is a phrase to describe someone who won’t stop talking.
“Light blooded” — Someone who is fun and easy-going and who you enjoy being around.
There are few joys greater than curling up and reading a good book. The best books are the ones that are so engrossing you forget that you’re reading. Then, when you take a break, you look and see you’ve blown through 50 pages without realizing it.
However, there are a lot of us who wish that we read more often, but we watch TV instead because it takes less mental energy. But the benefits of reading seem to be far greater.
Reading keeps our brains sharper as we age and, according to research, people who read live longer than those who don’t.
A 2016 study published in the journal Social Science & Medicine asked 3,635 participants who were over 50 years old about their reading habits and monitored them over a 12-year period. The researchers split the participants into three categories: those who don’t read at all, those who read less than 3.5 hours a week and those who read more than 3.5 hours a week.
The results were astonishing.
People who read more than 3.5 hours a week were found to live 23 months longer than those who didn’t read at all.
“Compared to non-book readers, book readers had a 4-month survival advantage,” at the age when 20% of their peers passed away. “Book readers also experienced a 20% reduction in risk of mortality over the 12 years of follow up compared to non-book readers.”
Those who read less than 3.5 hours a week were 17% less likely to die than those who never crack open a book.
“People who report as little as a half-hour a day of book reading had a significant survival advantage over those who did not read,” the senior author, Becca R. Levy, a professor of epidemiology at Yale, said according to The New York Times. “And the survival advantage remained after adjusting for wealth, education, cognitive ability and many other variables.”
The researchers also noted that reading books will help you live longer than sticking to newspapers and magazines.
“Further, our analyses demonstrated that any level of book reading gave a significantly stronger survival advantage than reading periodicals,” the researchers wrote. “This is a novel finding, as previous studies did not compare types of reading material; it indicates that book reading rather than reading, in general, is driving a survival advantage.”
Why is it that those who read live longer than those who don’t?
The researchers at Yale speculate that there are two reasons why reading books has such a positive effect on longevity. The first is that books require “deep reading,” or the process of engaging with the book and understanding its internal context. The second is the emotional connection that books help us develop to empathize with characters and their stories.
Together, these two processes help us better understand the world and enhance our survival skills.
The great news about this study is that it shows that all it takes to live a significantly longer life is to read about 30 minutes a day. Plus, not only will you live longer, but you’ll also be happier as well.
Because there are few things that bring greater joy than reading a book and sharing someone else’s thoughts for a while.
In modern times we memorialize our loved ones by saving old photographs, holding onto their jewelry, or keeping their ashes in an urn. But, according to Artsy, before we had photographs of people to remember them by, people often saved their hair.
It was impossible to save someone’s rotting flesh before modern preservation techniques were developed, plus it’s pretty disgusting. So hair was the only part of the body that one could keep. Human hair can retain its color and texture for years after someone has passed, so it’s a durable material to turn into remembrance art.
“The keeping and saving of hair for future use in jewelry or other commemorative craft (such as wreaths) was common,” Karen Bachmann wrote, according to Artsy. The practice was common in Victorian England and it was brought across the pond to America’s frontier.
“The Victorians were also famously sentimental,” Joanna Ebenstein, founder of New York’s Morbid Anatomy Library and Gift Shop told Artsy. “Hair art, which could be used to commemorate the living or dead beloved, perfectly merges the fashion for mourning and sentimentality.”
TikTok user Christina Dyer, who runs The Dyer Ghoul House, which specializes in gothic content, went viral recently after a video she shared on the platform received more than 1.9 million views. The video shows her opening a book from the 1800s that she had purchased, only to find around eight folded pieces of paper with names and dates containing pieces of hair.
Question is what do i do with them? 🫣 #victorianhair #victorianmourning
A lot of people thought the hair was taken for nefarious reasons. “Me thinking it’s trophies from a serial killer in the 1800s,” ultraoldsoul commented.
However, multiple people remarked that it was a common practice for people to save their loved ones’ hair and turn it into a keepsake. “That was a common thing to do in that times, to preserve that person’s memory, or they gifted a piece of their hair as a sign of affection,” Jennifer Marie commented.
After the video went viral, Dyer shared another one showing what she planned to do with the hair. “I was drawn to a lock of the mother’s hair, so of course I framed it,” Dyer wrote. In the video, she shares a frame with “Mother 1862” written on it. “Now I need to decide what to do with the others,” she adds.
Replying to @she_horror Update! 🕊 #victorianmourning #victorianhair
After finding the hair, Dyer did some research and discovered the names of three of the people whose hair was in the book.
“Here are three of the people whose hair I found inside the antique book,” she wrote in a follow-up video. The good news was that they all lived long lives for the era. “Walter died aged 78, Constance 77, and Lawrence 57. If my sources are correct!” she wrote.
Replying to @elviratsquirrel Constance is a beauty. 🕊 #victorianmourning #victorianera #victorianhair
It’s tantalizing to wonder if the people whose hair she found have any idea where their last mortal remains turned up. However, they probably would have a really hard time understanding the internet and what it means to “go viral.”
The wonderful thing is that—although some may find it a bit morbid—Dyer is treating the hair with respect, just as the person who placed it in the book intended. Plus, it’s always wise to curry favor with the dead.
Back in 2018, we weren’t exactly living in a more innocent time, but it was arguably a more carefree time. Elon Musk hadn’t yet fathered *as* many children, nor had he tanked both Twitter and Tesla stock by waking up and wanting a new toy (which he since has attempted to abandon). Back in the day, though, Elon decided (seemingly on the spur of the moment) to smoke a blunt with Joe Rogan right there on the podcast.
This made for some excellent memes, but the move wasn’t without consequence. Given that Elon’s also the SpaceX CEO, and SpaceX is federally contracted, and weed is not federally legalized, this presented a bounty of issues. Long story short, Elon smoked that weed in California (which has legalized weed both recreationally and medically), but the feds still came for him on a drug-testing note. Here’s Elon discussing the subject on the Full Send Podcast, which tweeted this clip.
“The consequences for me and for SpaceX were actually not good. I had to have like random drug tests and stuff after that, to prove that I’m not like a drug addict,” Musk declared. “They drug tested me for everything, and randomly… I had like a whole year of random drug tests.”
Not only that, but Business Insider points out that those random tests extended to SpaceX employees, who were surely not thrilled to be peeing in cups when they’d done nothing to provoke the oversight. Elon also weighed in on how the U.S. is attempting to work out a prisoner exchange deal with Russia for Brittney Griner, who received a nine-year sentence on drug charges. As Musk put it, “If there are people in jail in America for the same stuff, shouldn’t we free them too?” The unofficial federal jury’s still out on how this will all work out for Griner, not to mention the consistency issue pointed out by Musk.
As you can see from the above video, the summertime vibes were set to high recently in New York City where WMX and White Claw teamed up to celebrate the beverage brand’s new REFRSHR line of drinks. The exclusive activation took over The Little Shop, a trend spot in the historic Seaport District just a stone’s throw away from the ocean, offering a lively sanctuary from the sweltering city heat outside.
Guests started the experience by walking through the seemingly ordinary neighborhood convenience store before being ushered through a secret sliding door in the back by fridges fully stocked with White Claw. There they were greeted by a popping party that combined surfer cool with streetwear culture, the inspiration for the REFRSHR can design. Inside, the fashionable crowd enjoyed wafts of cooled air from the freezers paired with fittingly revitalizing REFRSHR in ice-cold cans. The new flavors of iced teas and lemonades range from blood orange with a hint of black raspberry to limón with a hint of calamansi to more traditional offerings like strawberry.
On scene was a spectacular 300-pound ice sculpture wave that sat at a place of honor atop the bar. The mood and overall tone were set brilliantly by tunes provided by local DJ Ella Hu$$le from her booth. The song choices were on point with the room bouncing to bangers all night.
The attendees didn’t have to leave empty-handed either, as the event was also host to local streetwear customizers Zachariah of Thanks A Lot, Danica Pantic, and Johnny Skinz who were handcrafting specialty REFRSHR merch. Guests were walking out with hand-printed tees by Thanks A Lot and hand-painted hats by Skinz. So not only did the hyped crowd leave The Little Shop feeling refreshed but they also left looking fresh.
Last month, Omar Apollo announced Ivory (Marfil), the expanded version of his album Ivory from April of this year. Today, he’s back with a new single “Highlight,” as well as the announcement of the Prototype Tour.
The Prototype Tour will go through North America this fall kicking off in San Diego, California in October and ending in Toronto, Ontario in November. Check out the full dates below and watch the video for “Highlight” above.
10/21 — San Diego, CA @ Cal Coast Credit Union Open Air Theatre
10/22 — Tucson, AZ @ 191 Toole
10/25 — Tulsa, OK @ Cain’s Ballroom
10/26 — Houston, TX @ 713 Music Hall
10/27 — San Antonio, TX @ Aztec Theatre
10/29 — Boulder, CO @ Boulder Theater
11/01 — Los Angeles, CA @ The Greek Theater
11/02 — San Jose, CA @ San Jose Civic
11/03 — Oakland, CA @ Fox Theater
11/05 — Salt Lake City, UT @ The Complex
11/08 — St. Paul, MN @ Palace Theatre
11/10 — St. Louis, MO @ The Pageant
11/11 — Indianapolis, IN @ Egyptian Room at Old National Centre
11/13 — Richmond, VA @ The National
11/15 — Atlanta, GA @ The Eastern
11/17 — Washington, D.C. @ The Anthem
11/18 — Norfolk, VA @ The NorVa
11/19 — Charlotte, NC @ The Fillmore
11/20 — Raleigh, NC @ The Ritz
11/22 — Nashville, TN @ Ryman Auditorium
11/26 — Brooklyn, NY @ Kings Theatre
11/29 — Toronto, ON @ HISTORY
Ivory (Marfil) is out 8/5 via Warner Records. Pre-order it here.
Omar Apollo is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
On Thursday night, Tucker Carlson did that thing he does where he fancies himself quite the wit and attempts to attack one of his naysayers with a seemingly dead-serious segment, where he usually attacks the person’s physical appearance. Nancy Pelosi has been a favorite target of the Fox News host, who recently mocked a photo of her wearing a bathing suit at the beach (and looking fabulous at 82, by the way). Back in January, he got a few chuckles by pretending that Pelosi was Michael Jackson. But last night, Carlson went after one of his biggest critics when he took aim at Jon Stewart.
As many people know, the former Daily Show host would most accurately be described as an activist these days and is particularly passionate about America’s piss-poor treatment of veterans, who have risked their lives and health for this country, only to have the government shrug their shoulders and claim they’re not responsible for the harmful effects of toxic burn pits and other dangers to which our members of the military are regularly exposed. Rather than acknowledge that Stewart had a point, Carlson—who seems to not understand what it’s like to have empathy for other human beings—instead decided to mock Stewart’s passion about these issues, as The Daily Beast reported. Clearly, the only thing that has ever gotten Carlson that heated is his martini being too dry.
Carlson commented on photos of a clearly fired up Stewart, describing him as looking like “a homeless mental patient. He’s shrieking and disheveled,” Carlson continued. “And very short. Really short! Too short to date.” (We don’t think Stewart will be losing any sleep over knowing that Carlson doesn’t want to date him.)
“What happened?,” Carlson wanted to know. “Where’s he been the last seven years?!”
While we’re guessing that Tucker’s question was rhetorical, it might help Carlson to know that while he’s been sitting on his Fox News high horse spreading conspiracy theories, promoting testicle-tanning, and becoming absolutely obsessed with Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s swollen balls (hmmm… seems like a pattern), Stewart has had deals with HBO and Apple TV+, where he currently hosts and executive produces The Problem with Jon Stewart. He has also been fighting side-by-side for health care rights for 9/11 First Responders and America’s military.
When he’s not busy with those tasks, he also sometimes finds time to tweet:
Friends. Tonite I am sad. @TuckerCarlson believes me too short to date…and yet somehow, miraculously, I remain tall enough to not know what Victor Orban’s ass tastes like! Is it goulash Tucky? Seems like it would be goulash.
Of course, Tucker’s issues with Stewart go all the way back to at least 2004—when Carlson (who was still in his bow tie phase) was a co-host on CNN’s Crossfire. Stewart appeared on the program one night and verbally annihilated Carlson and his childish sartorial choices. You can watch the full segment below.
In 2018, Kanye West felt like a completely different person. It was difficult for many to grasp what the Graduation rapper had become, especially after proclaiming “George Bush doesn’t care about Black people” ten years earlier on national television. As a result, many fans and collaborators distanced themselves from the superproducer. One peer in particular, John Legend, recently spoke about how Ye’s political beliefs related to Donald Trump caused a chasm in their friendship.
CNN’s The Axe Files host David Axelrod spoke with the “All Of Me” artist and inquired as to the state of his relationship with West, Daily Mail reports. Legend replied, “We aren’t friends as much as we used to be because, I honestly think because we publicly disagreed on his running for office, his supporting Trump. I think it became, uh, too much for us to sustain our friendship, honestly.”
The R&B artist continued, sharing that the Yeezy founder took issue with his lack of support during Ye’s presidential campaign: “I wasn’t alone in that, but, you know, he was not happy about that. And we really haven’t been close since then.”
West and Legend previously worked together on “Selfish,” “Number One,” “They Say,” “Blame Game,” and many other records.
The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.
ITEM NUMBER ONE – I am so proud of everyone here
One of the things we do here at The Rundown is address trends. We’ve done it when one particular actor or actress pops up in a bunch of our favorite shows, we’ve done it when one of our favorite shows has a noticeable uptick in cute doggies on-screen, we did it for wiener hijinks, and we’re doing it again now for an equally important reason: Our favorite shows have been dropping surprise Home Alone cameos on us. I mean, it’s only two shows so far. And the second one wasn’t so much “a cameo” as it was a “hey, that’s the guy who was in the other thing,” but these are mere semantics. Also, I wanted to write about it. So… here we are. I feel great about it.
The first one happened a few months back on The Righteous Gemstones. Baby Billy Freeman — Walton Goggins in terrific sleazy televangelist makeup — travels to reconnect with the son he abandoned in a shopping mall decades earlier. He gets there and rings the doorbell and whooooaaaa it was Macaulay Culkin, right there, standing in front of him. I shouted a little bit. As I did again, later, when Baby Billy asked if there was any way to make things right and his son said he wanted to punch him square in the face and then, well…
HBO
It’s a good show. And that was a good piece of business. It could have very easily fallen into the trap of stunt casting without the surprisingly real heart that was in the scene. This is how you do it. It helps to end the scene with Kevin McAllister punching Boyd Crowder straight in the kisser. I did not ever expect to see that. It’s good to sit back and appreciate the finer things in life like this sometimes.
Also, and I swear I’ll move on in a second, Baby Billy said this to his estranged son early on in their awkward meeting and it has been living inside a nice little waterfront condo in my brain ever since, with no sign of moving out any time soon.
HBOHBO
Perfect. An excellent job by everyone. And if that had been the only Home Alone-related cameo we saw on television all year, then, like, fine. Worth it. But…
BUT
On the episode of Better Call Saul that aired this week, and I promise I’ll try to keep spoilers to a minimum, the following things happened:
Saul, now in the present day as Cinnabon Gene, was hanging with a drunk dude in a bar and singing karaoke and losing bets to him
This was also cool. Mostly because I like the part where the child actor who was famous for a small role in a massive movie is still working today and landing gigs in the pivotal closing episodes of one of our best television shows. Good for him. Good for all of us. But mostly good for him.
Anyway, I hope this trend continues. Just litter my favorite television shows with actors who also appeared in Home Alone. It’s probably better to go with some of the lesser-known options, just for the notability of it all, seeing as Catherine O’Hara and Joe Pesci have other roles they’re known for too now and wouldn’t be “Home Alone cameos,” I guess, at least not in the strictest sense of the phrase. Also, Joe Pesci is retired. Which further complicates that one.
Still, if that new Game of Thrones spinoff House of the Dragon can get him for a brief appearance in the premiere, maybe as a king who gets lit up with fire breath after cussing out a huge dragon for… oh, let’s say stepping on his fancy robe and getting it dirty, well… no complaints here.
ITEM NUMBER TWO – The disagreement between Sylvester Stallone and the producers of Rocky, explained, kind of
MGM/UA
Sylvester Stallone is angry. He is so angry. It’s kind of understandable, too. It turns out that he doesn’t own the vast majority of the rights to the Rocky films, the franchise that started with a script he wrote and led to an actual statue of the fictional boxer being displayed in Philadelphia for a few decades now because… well… that’s just how things go in Philadelphia sometimes. Go Birds.
The main subject of his rage is Irwin Winkler, the longtime producer who holds the rights and is working toward making some kind of Drago-related spinoff, which was set in motion by the events of Creed II. Wait until you see how mad Sly is. Look what he said on his Instagram page, per Variety:
“Another Heartbreaker… Just found this out… ONCE AGAIN , this PATHETIC 94 year old PRODUCER and HIS MORONIC USELESS VULTURE CHILDREN, Charles And David, are once again picking clean THE BONES of another wonderful character I created without even telling me,” Stallone wrote. “I APOLOGIZE to the FANS, I never wanted ROCKY characters to be exploited by these parasites.”
So three things here:
The posts — there were a few; again, he was mad — have since been deleted, which is kind of funny
Irwin Winkler is 91 years old, not 94, but whatever
I’m actually kind of impressed that he got both a “vultures” and a “parasites” in there
I’ll come back to this last thing in a second. But first, we press on.
Stallone also acknowledged his relationship with actor Dolph Lundgren, who portrays Soviet champion boxer Ivan Drago in “Rocky IV” and “Creed II.” It is unclear if Lundgren is set to reprise his role in the “Drago” spinoff.
“By the way, I have nothing but respect for Dolph but I wish HE had told me what was going on behind my back,” Stallone concluded. “Keep your REAL friends close.”
“I have nothing but respect for him but he’s a dirty dog who sneaks around behind people’s backs and I hope nothing good ever happens to him again.” It’s beautiful. Even better because Lundgren came out later and was legitimately confused by all of it, as he was barely more in the loop on most of it than Stallone. Really good stuff here, folks. Top to bottom.
Which brings me to my real point here: I just wanted to post my favorite old Stallone tweets. I post these all the time. I don’t even need a reason as good as this one. Or a reason at all. They’re so good. Remember how I said the thing about him getting vultures and parasites into the same rant? Well, here’s Sly going off on the haters and dropping another animal reference.
Did you ever wonder how haters must FEEL? I mean if they hate you for no reason they must really hate being trapped in their sad souls 4ever
I love that this is his move. I wonder what other animals he’s used to trash people. I like to picture him at various zoos and aquariums around the country asking very specific questions about which animals have the most nefarious traits. I would watch this as a reality show. I promise I am not joking.
Hey, wanna see some tweets from around the time The Expendables movies were casting where Sylvester Stallone repeatedly asserts that Ryan Seacrest could beat up Jet Li and/or Jean-Claude Van Damme? Let me go ahead and answer that one for you: Yes, you do.
Hey @_J_Higgs For the record RYAN SEACREST can kick JET LI butt,pal. Beware.
These tweets are over a decade old and the words “ask Steve Austin, he knows” still pop into my head every few weeks. If any of you know Steve Austin, please ask him about these tweets and report back. Send his exact quotes about it to me at [email protected]. This is as close as I’ll ever get to doing actual journalism.
In conclusion, here’s what I consider to be history’s greatest and most accurate tweet, one that I would put up there on an artistic hierarchy with the entirety of his work in the Rocky franchise and something no hater/parasite/cockroach/vulture can take away from him.
HELL is tweeting into a an a abysmal black hole ….
There was a big profile of Jennifer Coolidge over at Variety this week. That was cool, because Jennifer Coolidge is cool, and it’s cool to see her get some recognition for that. The profile is tied to the second season of The White Lotus, which is on the way and set in Italy, with her character as the only returning member of the cast, kind of like what Knives Out is doing with Daniel Craig, but sillier, which I respect. She’s been around doing great work for decades — Christopher Guest movies, playing Stifler’s mom in American Pie and single-handedly bringing the term “MILF” to the lexicon — but I like that she’s really getting to shine now.
I also like that she’s using basketball analogies to explain it all.
Now, at 60, Coolidge is close to the center of the frame, so much a part of the “White Lotus” phenomenon that she’s the only major cast member to make the jump from Season 1’s Hawaii resort to the show’s next location in Italy — no audition needed. Lodging at the first White Lotus to find comfort after her mother’s death, Tanya alternately sulks and rages, drawing a service worker (played by Natasha Rothwell) into the orbit of her narcissism. Coolidge may be a supporting player, but she’s nobody’s comic relief. Her majestically unhinged performance is like nothing she’s done before, and unlike any experience she’s had on set too. “I feel like the coach asked the other actors to let me dribble the ball more. Give the ball to Jennifer once in a while,” she says. “I get to shoot now.”
Good. Great. Let the Coolidge Era begin. Put her in everything. Get her in The Righteous Gemstones as a rival televangelist. Plop her into the Fast & Furious movies as the president. Have her show up on Hacks as Jean Smart’s long-lost sister. I do not care. Just do it.
Ask her to audition, though. Not because she needs to prove anything to you or me or anyone else, really, just because I want to see what’ll happen after she said this about being asked to audition for the Legally Blonde musical.
“I said to my agent, what do you mean, audition?” she recalls. “It’s not a straight offer?” He reiterated the request: Would she be willing to fly to London to try out for a part she’d already played? “My agent said, ‘I think they just want to see if you can sing and dance.’ Look, if I got up onstage and farted, and that’s all I did, it would still be the lady from the movie!”
The greatest.
ITEM NUMBER FOUR – Pizza chat
FX on Hulu
We can be quick about this one. It’s pretty straightforward. Jeremy Allen White, star of The Bear, the Hulu series that all your friends have been talking about all summer, the one where he plays a chef at a restaurant in Chicago, was interviewed by InStyle this week. The subject turned to food, as will happen when you star in a show about food or the interviewer is hungry, which led to this exchange about Chicago delicacies.
Chicago-style hotdog or deep-dish pizza? You have to choose one.
Deep-dish pizza is disgusting. That’s the easiest question I’ve ever been asked.
Spoken like a true New Yorker.
It doesn’t make any sense. It’s so doughy. Get it out here. I don’t need it.
So here’s my thing about this: Pizza is good. Almost all pizza is good. Thin crust, thick crust, triangle, square, all of it. Even most bad pizza is kind of good. I’ve pulled two-day-old pizza out of the fridge and eaten it cold as a snack and I would argue that it was better in the moment than what most of you had for dinner last night. Pizza is just good. Some pizza is less good than other pizza, but it’s still pizza. We should all try to remember that in these highly divisive times.
That said, I reserve the right to go on a 30-minute rant about why your local sandwich shop is not actually making a “Philly cheesesteak” correctly. That’s different.
I’m not a hypocrite.
No, YOU shut up.
ITEM NUMBER FIVE – I need everyone to think about this for a minute
A couple was hiking their way up a mountain in Europe with their dog recently when they heard a helicopter approach. They stopped and looked up, as one tends to do when one sees a helicopter approach. The helicopter landed and, yup, our stepped Tom Cruise, who told them he was about to launch himself off the side of that very mountain as part of an action sequence for the next Mission: Impossible movie. We pick up the action here, via The Sun.
But before launching himself from the Cumbrian fell, he paused to say sorry to Sarah and Jason Haygarth, from nearby Penrith, who had reached the 2,440ft summit by foot with their dog, Edward.
Tom, thought to be filming Mission: Impossible 7, yelled: “Sorry for disturbing your peaceful walk with all the noise — I like your dog.”
The thing I like about Tom Cruise is that he’s almost recklessly friendly. He’s a strange man, sure, quite possibly one of the 10 or 20 strangest people alive, but always so, so friendly. I guarantee you would like Tom Cruise if you met him. He would just knock you over with the sheer force of his charm. Guaranteed. Even if you don’t like him now. You can make all the tough claims you want, but you’d walk away going “Wow, what a nice dude.” I know this for certain.
Anyway.
Lettings agent Sarah, 48, replied: “Are you really going to jump off there?”
Smiling Tom nodded and began running towards the edge — shouting: “See you later, folks.”
Perfect. And even better because they had cameras in their telephones and could document all of it. Imagine telling your friend this story like 25 years ago before technology got to the point where everyone could record every second of their lives.
YOU: I met Tom Cruise yesterday.
FRIEND: Where?
YOU: On top of a mountain.
FRIEND: Shut up.
YOU: And he said my dog was cool.
FRIEND: Come on.
YOU: No, I’m serious.
FRIEND: Do you have any proof?
YOU: I couldn’t get any.
FRIEND: Why?
YOU: He jumped off the mountain first.
FRIEND: Okay, I’m leaving.
YOU: What?! It’s true!
Everyone would get so sick of you telling this story and no one would believe it for a second. You would probably lose friends over it. It would be a whole thing. It’s much easier to just snap a picture. The future is weird and scary in a lot of ways but it is nice that we have this. Something to think about over the weekend.
READER MAIL
If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.
From Nick:
Need some show recommendations, buddy. You’re my guy on this. You’ve rarely steered me wrong. But with Holey Moley over and Better Call Saul ending soon and most of my other shows on a break, I’m in a rut. Don’t make me sort through 700 options on all the streaming services. Just tell me what to watch. There’s only 30 minutes of What We Do in the Shadows every week. I need advice for couch time.
Hmm. A few things:
I love that the two shows you identified here are Holey Moley and Better Call Saul, because it says a lot about what an idiot I am that these two shows could not possibly be more different and yet I love them both equally
A lot of people loved Severance on Apple TV, but I tried to get into it three times and could not, which is a good reminder that it’s okay if a show everyone likes just isn’t for you and you don’t have to force it
Please do not yell at me
Okay, here are some shows I’ve been watching lately. They’re all half-hours and they’re mostly silly and fun. Part of that is because that’s the kind of mood I’ve been in lately, part is to offset the thing where I’ve been watching Saul and writing 2500 words about it every week, and part is because there are so many good half-hours right now. Away we go.
Harley Quinn (HBO Max) — Delightfully profane cartoon that just started its third season. I’ve written about it before but it is really just a blast, thanks in no small part to Bane being an insecure goof and Commissioner Gordon being a depressed sad sack who plays with the Bat Signal.
The Resort (Peacock) — So it’s a mystery series from the creators of Mr. Robot and Lodge 49 and it stars Cristin Milioti from Palm Springs and William Jackson Harper from The Good Place and it takes place at a fancy Mexican hotel and the whole thing hinges on an old Motorola RAZR that Milioti’s character finds after wiping out on a four-wheeler in the jungle. Good show.
Reservation Dogs (FX/Hulu) — A mostly perfect show that just started its second season and already featured a mild stabbing and opened the proceedings up with exactly this.
FX
That’s a good start. And What We Do in the Shadows has been incredible, but you’re already watching that. My favorite thing there has been adolescent Colin Robinson starting like half his sentences with “Hey Laszlo, guess what.” The accuracy is inspiring. I’ve also been watching a lot of old episodes of Hot Ones on YouTube. It’s nice to remember that’s an option if you need to kill 28 minutes. The one I watched this week featured Colin Farrell swearing at chicken wings a little bit. That was good television.
People in a southwestern Japanese city have come under attack from monkeys that are trying to snatch babies, biting and clawing at flesh, and sneaking into nursery schools.
The attacks — on 58 people since July 8 — are getting so bad Yamaguchi city hall hired a special unit to hunt the animals with tranquilizer guns.
Two things are true here:
This is terrifying
I need a half-hour comedy from Danny McBride where he and Walton Goggins hunt demon monkeys with tranquilizer guns and I need it by next weekend
Moving on.
The monkeys aren’t interested in food, so traps haven’t worked. They have targeted mostly children and the elderly.
Am I the only one seeing the obvious solution here? The one where the elite tranquilizer squad all dresses up like children and old women? How did everyone not jump immediately to that idea? Yes, sure, “have elite commando forces dress up like children and old women” is my solution for everything, but still. It works here.
Come on. Just once. For me.
A woman was assaulted by a monkey while hanging laundry on her veranda. Another victim showed bandaged toes. They were taken aback and frightened by how big and fat the monkeys were.
The monkeys terrorizing the community are Japanese macaque, the kind often pictured peacefully bathing in hot springs.
BIG FAT SPA MONKEYS ON THE WARPATH
DANNY MCBRIDE DRESSED LIKE A GOLDEN GIRL TAKING THEM OUT WITH A SEMI-AUTOMATIC TRANQ GUN
MAKE THE SHOW
MAKE IT
Although Japan is industrialized and urban, a fair portion of land in the archipelago is mountains and forests. Rare attacks on people by a bear, boars or other wildlife have occurred, but generally not by monkeys.
No one seems to know why the attacks have occurred, and where exactly the troop of monkeys came from remains unclear.
“I have never seen anything like this my entire life,” Saito said.
Let me circle back and reiterate the two points I opened with because they are even more relevant now:’
This is terrifying
I desperately need this television show
Thank you.
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