In 2013, I found out I was pregnant with triplets.
Image via iStock.
My husband and I were in shock but thrilled at the news after dealing with infertility for years. And it didn’t take long for the comments to begin. When people found out, the usual remarks followed: “Triplets?! What are you going to do? Three kids at once?! Glad it’s not me!”
After mastering my response (and an evil look reserved for the rudest comments), I figured that was the worst of it. But little did I know I would be facing far worse comments after two of my triplets passed away.
On June 23, 2013, I gave birth to my triplets, more than four months premature.
My daughter, Abigail, passed away that same day; my son, Parker, died just shy of 2 months old. Before then, I didn’t know much about child loss; it was uncharted territory. Like most people, I wouldn’t know how to respond or what to say if a friend’s child passed away.
Image via iStock.
But two years later, I have found that some things are better left unsaid. These comments come from a good place, and I know people mean well, but they sure do sting.
Here are my top five things not to say to a grieving parent — and the thing I love to hear instead.
1. “Everything happens for a reason.”
It’s a cringeworthy comment for those of us who have lost a child. Sometimes, there is no rhyme or reason for why things happen in life. A parent should not outlive their child. I don’t know why my body couldn’t handle my pregnancy or why I went into labor at 22 weeks.
This phrase goes along with another I often hear: “God only gives us what we can handle.” I remember talking with my childhood rabbi the night before my son passed away, and I asked her, “Why me?” Her response is something I now live by every single day. She said, “God doesn’t give us only what we can handle. He helps us handle what we’ve been given.”
2. “They are in a better place.”
Instead of comforting, this is a phrase that makes me feel down in the dumps. I longed to be a parent for so many years. And children are meant to be in the loving arms of their parents.
I think I speak for every grieving mother and father when I say, we would give anything to hold our babies again.
3. “At least you have one survivor. Count your blessings.”
I like to think of myself as a positive person. But even two years later, my heart still aches for Parker and Abby. And on the most difficult, dark days of grief, it’s hard to “count my blessings.”
Yes, I am blessed. I have a gorgeous miracle child who is the light of my life. But Peyton should be playing with her brother and sister in our home, not just waving to their pictures and blowing kisses to heaven.
4. “You are still young. You can have more children.”
It doesn’t matter whether or not our biological clock is ticking. Many people have no idea what couples go through to have a child: Some can’t have children of their own; others may face years of infertility or miscarriages. And for people like me, trying for more children may be something too scary to even think about. I came close to death after delivering my children — that’s enough to scar me for life.
5. “I don’t know how you do it. I couldn’t imagine losing two children.”
Some days I don’t know how I do it either. But we learn how to live with it. We learn a “new normal,” and in those tough moments, we celebrate that we survived the day. This comment is a difficult reminder of our grief and the children who were sent to heaven.
So, what should you say to a grieving parent?
There are no words to take the pain away, of course, but simply letting that person know you are there for them is more than enough.
For me, the best thing someone can do is to talk about my angels. Say Parker and Abby by name, and don’t be afraid to ask questions about them.
While they were only here for a short time, they left a huge imprint on this world. I love talking about my angels, and simply hearing someone else mention them by name is enough to wipe away the grief and warm my heart for days.
The Hollywood Reporter shared that a live-action Pac-Man movie is in the works. Based on a video game that debuted in 1980, the movie will apparently revolve around an endlessly hungry yellow sphere that will somehow be filmed with real live humans. As the report notes, a pair of TV shows have been made about Pac-Man over the years, and the gaming franchise is legendary. But those were cartoons, which certainly fit the concept of the game itself a bit better considering its main character is a vaguely anthropomorphic sphere.
Retro games have had an interesting history at the cinema, and it’s hard to get more retro than Pac-Man. Which is sort of why a live-action adaptation of pixelated ghosts chasing after pixelated circles seems so odd. The Hollywood Reporter story did include an intriguing note about the project: it will be an “original” idea from someone who has previously worked on the Sonic films.
The project will be based on an original idea from Chuck Williams (Sonic the Hedgehog) of Lightbeam Entertainment. Baldoni, Manu Gargi and Andrew Calof will produce on behalf of Wayfarer Studios; Williams and Tim Kwok will produce on behalf of Lightbeam.
Whether that means a truly Pac-Man-based origin story for the film or something more like Pixels or Free Guy — i.e. movies set in video game-line universes but not necessarily adherent to any particular game-specific plot points — seems up in the air right now. As is who will play any Pac people or the vibrantly colored ghosts.
There was a three-year gap between seasons 3 and 4 of Stranger Things, a delay caused by the pandemic. You might have heard about it. That break allowed the Duffer Brothers and the rest of the writers for the record-breaking Netflix series to fine-tune the scripts, and it gave the VFX team more time to conceive the Upside-Down.
They needed it. One scene, in particular, took nearly two years to perfect.
“There’s a fun fact, we started before the pandemic on this show, we started to work on it more than two years ago. We actually started to develop a few looks, started to work on the assets before the pandemic. And when it stopped, we kept working on one or two shots,” VFX supervisor Julien Hery told Collider. One of the scenes was the red-and-black Upside-Down flyover through Hawkins, Indiana, where Stranger Things is set.
He continued, “To follow the bats over Hawkins, and then you land onto the Creel House. And this shot took us almost a year and half or two years of making it happen, changing the animation, and there was plenty of time, so we took like such a long time to develop that shot. So it was pretty cool.”
Ogi actually had no plan to be a full-time singer. That’s the most shocking part about the Chicago-born Nigerian-American singer. Prior to everything that’s occurred for her over the last four years, Ogi had plans to pursue a career in law as a student at Northwestern. However, all it took was one cover she shared on Instagram to change everything for her. “It was just something that I did for fun on the side,” she tells Uproxx over a Zoom call. “It all really came to a head senior year, like this doesn’t make any sense. To this day I’m still confused.”
Amid the slight confusion and reality shock that Ogi is still sorting through, the young singer has been putting out great music. She received co-signs form PJ Morton and No I.D. while also signing a deal to the latter’s Atrium Recordings imprint, a place that Snoh Aalegra and Jhene Aiko also call home. This past spring, Ogi released her debut EP Monologues and it struck as a beautifully constructed project carried by her rich vocals and textured production.
Monologues earned her plenty of attention from the music industry. She performed at Pharrell’s Something In The Water Festival as well as at the 2022 BET Awards. Ogi has toured with The Marias and Snoh Aalegra, and now, she’s getting ready to hit the road again, this time with British singer Mahalia.
Before things pick up again for Ogi, she took a moment to speak with Uproxx about Monologues, her rise towards success, her Nigerian background, and what she wants to do next.
I’m really drawn to your music because of how rich, textured, and just full it is. As a Nigerian born and raised in the Midwest, what influences did you have growing up that helped you make the kind of music you make today?
I think it came from a lot of things, but primarily, it started from my parents — I mean, that’s how it starts with everybody. They had the aux cord, so to speak, for my childhood. My mom played a lot of Nigerian hymns growing up [and] a lot of gospel. She introduced me to people like BeBe & CeCe Winans, John P. Kee, J. Moss, Smokie Norful, people like that. My dad played a lot of reggae, a lot of Highlife right? So it was people like Cardinal Rex Lawson. My dad is Igbo, so he played that Highlife from that tribe and a lot of reggae, a lot of Fela Kuti. I think all of that kind of culminated into what I listened to. Once I got old enough, I started listening to hip-hop and rap. My sister introduced me to like 106 & Park, so all the R&B of that time. I think that plays a role in my cadences, a little bit, and the way that I write lyrics. But yeah, my parents influenced the way that I create the sound, but lyrically, I think 106 & Park [and] things a little bit more recent influenced how I speak.
Pursuing a career in music or art altogether isn’t the first thing our parents want to hear. What were those early discussions like, and how did the level of support change or grow as time went on?
So, I had the conversation with my mom first and she was obviously like, not about it at all. She’s like, “This is nonsense, you’re wasting your time.” I was in my senior year, I was right there, it felt like a distraction there. It wasn’t until one of the people who were interested in me flew us out to LA. He took me and my mother to LA and really showed off what being in this industry can do [and] the money. I think that was the moment she was like, “Okay, there’s security here, she could maybe do well.” Then, she realized it was a business. My mom is a very shrewd businesswoman, she’s very on it. Once she realized that perspective, I think she was a little bit more about it.
My dad, I think he’s just realizing what’s going on. When I told him that the music stuff was happening, he wasn’t as upset, but I think he didn’t take it as seriously. He was like, “Okay, this is your passion project, you’ve been in school. Go ahead, just do it, and like a year later, you’re gonna go to law school as we planned.” I think he’s now realizing that that’s not what’s happening. So he’s been kind of looking back on my life to wonder how did we get to this point. He’ll say, “I got a piano for the house, and you would play it, but I didn’t think it would become this,” that kind of thing. Now he’s kind of onboard. He realizes that I’m good at what I do and he wants me to do a jazz song, things like that. So I think the parents are onboard.
Now that we’re a bit removed from its release, what would you say you’re most proud about Monologues?
I’m proud of the response in the sense of like, I’ve seen people do covers of the songs on the EP. Which is like… That gets me because [that means] you found something that you felt enough like you that you wanted to take it and then use those words as your own sort of expression, like something resonated in that. The first time I saw someone do a cover of my song, it made me cry, that’s huge. I mean, that’s how I came up, that’s the only reason why I’m here. I did PJ Morton’s “Alright,” which is a song that I would sing to myself when I was studying LSAT books. I was comforting myself and singing that song, so to see somebody else do that, felt like a real full circle moment.
Aside from the success Monolouges has brought you, what would you say the EP has personally helped you with?
I think it’s been a positive affirmation of vulnerability is power. Being afraid of something that would alienate you, like in music, is actually the thing that brings people towards you. The song “Bitter” is about me being like, “Dammit, nobody wants me. What’s going on?” Having that moment, which in other contexts would be like, “Ew, you want people to know that about you?” people use those words as something that they understand and feel. It’s encouraged me to be even more vulnerable in the way that I express myself, and just to dig deeper. I think the things that resonate the most are the things that people don’t think other people are going through. To show that I’m going through it too, I think that’s what brings people together.
You’ve toured with The Marinas and Snoh Aalegra, and now you’re hitting the road with Mahalia. What excites you the most about these next string of performances?
I’m really interested in just meeting because her EP is so dope. I mean, to talk about vulnerability, like the story of her EP is about her trying to save another girl from the mistake that she made in being within with a guy that is also pursuing her. That’s a big thing to do, you know? I’m curious to see what that story is gonna look like onstage. I listened to it, and I’m a fan. I’m also excited about my growth as a performer. I strive to be better and better each time and I look at this as another opportunity to grow in my craft. I want to be more energetic and more expressive. I have the opportunity to perform my whole EP now, so I want to create a story with that, like what can I do next? So I think that’s what I’m excited about.
Looking back, what about your heritage and/or childhood do you think contributed the most to your success now?
My name honestly. I’m from Wisconsin, so there weren’t a lot of people that had a name like mine. There used to be times when I was kind of ashamed of it. I would tell people that it translates to Michelle… like no it doesn’t, it never did. I would just lean into it, but like, I’ve been Ogi since I was three years old. Now, it’s contributed to what my name is as an artist and it points to my heritage, who I am, and the things that made me who I am. I’m very proud of my name, I like it when people ask me, “Is that your real name?” and I get to say yes, that is my name. The thing that I felt alienated me, fills me with pride now.
When would you say that you started to embrace everything about your culture?
It was always a kind of love/hate relationship because I always loved it when my mom would come and wear her dresses, and everyone would be like, “Oh wow!” you know what I mean? I think it was in high school and college when I finally kind of claimed it for myself. That’s when I started seeing people like me. College was the first time that I refused to start straightening my hair all the time. Stylistically you can do whatever you want, but for me, it was tied to “my hair isn’t beautiful unless it’s straight.” I just started accepting my blackness and looking at myself and being like, “I’m African and I love it.” That’s also gonna make its way into my music eventually. I mean, it’s still there in terms of Highlife influences, but I think I want to lean into that part of my identity in the future.
Looking ahead, what’s something else you’d like to accomplish within the next 12 months?
I’d like to release some more music for sure. I just want to travel, I want to go to different places through tours and shows, just to see where I am. One thing that I regret from college is never studying abroad, and I feel like this is my moment to go wherever I want — or I guess wherever people want me. So I guess that means I just gotta work hard. I’m trying to go to Tokyo and Seoul and I want to go to Lagos for sure, I gotta go. Rio de Janeiro would be so dope. I want to go to South America, Africa, and Asia. I’ve been to places in Europe because I have aunts and uncles that live out there, but yeah.
Monologues is out now via Artium Entertainment LLC/Atlantic. You can stream it here.
Ogi is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
As Hollywood continues to churn out bloated superhero movies (and cancel others without warning) it seems like audiences are a little burnt out when it comes to their favorite powerful beings. That, and the fact that several VFX artists have been speaking out about being overworked, seems to signify a shift in how we look at the superhero industry. So now would be the best time to create a satirical workplace comedy about the people who are actually making these franchises, right?
HBO has ordered a new series from the mind of Armando Ianucci, the creator of Veepand the less-loved but still fun Avenue 5. Director Sam Mendes, known for 1917, Skyfall, and once being married to Kate Winslet, will direct and executive produce the series. The Franchise will follow a crew who makes superhero movies and the subsequent obstacles they are forced to face when millions of dedicated fans are breathing down their necks to over-analyze every shot. The plot description, according to Variety:
The half-hour project takes a wry look at superhero movie-making. It follows a hopeful crew trapped inside the dysfunctional, nonsensical, joyous hellscape of franchise superhero movie-making. If and when they finally make the day, the question they must face — is this Hollywood’s new dawn or cinema’s last stand? Is this a dream factory or a chemical plant?
Iannucci is also a noted superhero fan, making his comic debut earlier this year with an issue of Spider-Man, so he likely knows the ins and outs of the superhero game. Mendes on the other hand was originally asked to direct The Avengers but never got around to it (he’s a busy guy). Now is his chance to get into the industry!
To this point, we hadn’t heard much about the specifics of Durant’s frustration with the Nets — although it was assumed to be partially related to the lack of an extension agreement being reached with his friend and co-star Kyrie Irving — as Durant has been unusually tight-lipped about his situation on social media and his own podcast. However, on Monday, word broke from Shams Charania that Durant and Nets owner Joe Tsai met again in London, with the future Hall of Famer once again making clear that he wanted a trade away from Brooklyn, but with a very interesting subplot.
Apparently, Durant told Tsai to choose between him or the team’s GM-coach combo of Sean Marks and Steve Nash.
In a face-to-face meeting with Brooklyn Nets owner Joe Tsai over the weekend, All-NBA star Kevin Durant reiterated his trade request and informed Tsai that he needs to choose between Durant or the pairing of general manager Sean Marks and coach Steve Nash, sources tell The Athletic.
Durant stated he does not have faith in the team’s direction, sources said.
It’s a rather incredible move by KD, made all the more interesting considering Nash was hired in part because of his relationship with Durant from their days in Golden State when Nash was a player development coach — and because Durant and Irving wanted Kenny Atkinson fired for a more star-friendly coach. One would think that if it was just about Nash, that move would’ve been made immediately and this whole thing would be handled, but Tsai has given Marks the keys to the franchise and allowed him to wield an incredible amount of power over the basketball side of things.
Charania also notes that Tsai and the Nets have been fully detailed of Durant’s reasoning for the request, with Shams simply noting the star wants “a change of scenery,” so it seems that this might go a bit beyond the leadership of the basketball operations department. There will be plenty of people who think it’s not a hard decision to pick KD over a first-time coach who has not exactly excelled in the role and the GM, but Marks is highly respected around the league and the Nets would be hard-pressed to get a top executive to join their team if it’s clear that the star of the team has hiring and firing power over executives.
This adds just another fascinating layer to the Nets saga, and if anything it only puts more pressure on Marks to get this right because now if the trade goes through the story becomes Brooklyn choosing him over KD. If that’s the case, it’s incumbent on him to succeed in the post-KD/Kyrie/Harden rebuild and reward that decision with at least a conference finals run, which would top the furthest this group has gone with their stars.
Aside from their recent stretch of four titles in eight seasons, arguably the Golden State Warriors’ most iconic run of the past 40 years was spearheaded by Tim Hardaway Sr., Chris Mullin, and Mitch Richmond during the early 1990s, when they made the playoff three times in four seasons and nabbed a Western Conference Semifinals appearance in 1990-91.
To honor the franchise’s Run TMC Era, the Warriors debuted throwback uniforms for the upcoming season on Monday with help from Mullin himself. From 1988-89 through 1992-93, Mullin made five consecutive All-Star teams and four All-NBA berths with the Warriors and was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 2010.
The Warriors have some pretty rad jerseys throughout their history and these are near the top. That center court logo is absolutely sick and the nostalgia associated with Run TMC’s electric play-style affords these retro jerseys quite the positive connotation.
Among the Los Angeles Lakers simplifying their looks a few years back, the Phoenix Suns‘ gorgeous “The Valley” jerseys, and Golden State’s Run TMC look, the Pacific Division is crushing the jersey game. Let’s just get the Sacramento Kings to bring back their early 2000s jerseys and we’ll really be cooking with gas.
The Bear‘s a food-fueled frenzy that captured the loins of the internet to transform the Hulu show into a breakout hit. Jeremy Allen White’s now moving far beyond Lip on Shameless, and that’s the case even though he hates Chicago pizza. Still, there’s the music and the question of whether Carmy will get down anytime in the near future.
Yet while you consider those very important issues, there’s a new The Bear parody to deliver the same mess with none of the great taste. Over on Twitter, avid comedian Tommy Bayer showed off his new PB&J (with water)-focused parody. It’s not quite as stressful as the original, but when a one-faced sandwich ends up in the wrong place during a freakout, you’ll maybe imagine how the O.G. show would never. Still! It’s fun.
The show “The Bear” but the restaurant only serves peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and water pic.twitter.com/NDtSG6jYwS
These Chefs probably won’t receive the ultimate compliment of an actual Chef’s kiss, but I can admire their dedication to their cause. We could probably stand to see a mean Joel McHale berating someone in the corner with peanut butter at some point in the second season, and man, this parody is evidence that The Bear‘s long tail won’t quit anytime soon.
What do we know about Season 2, so far? Zilch, but surely, FX and Hulu will want to strike while that kitchen is hot. Hopefully, we’ll hear some concrete production news before too long.
The song, up from No. 6 on last week’s chart, is Beyoncé’s eighth No. 1 solo single and first without a featured artist since “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)” in 2008. (Worth noting is that the Beyoncé-featuring remix of Megan Thee Stallion’s “Savage” was No. 1 in 2020, while Ed Sheeran and Beyoncé’s duet version of “Perfect” topped the charts in 2017.) It is now Beyoncé’s third No. 1 without a featured artist, following “Single Ladies” and 2006’s “Irreplaceable.”
“Break My Soul” is just the second 2022 song by a solo female artist to go No. 1, after Lizzo’s “About Damn Time,” which was on top for the previous two weeks.
This is the 43rd total week Beyoncé has had a No. 1 song, which is the seventh-most of all time. She’s currently behind Mariah Carey (87 weeks), Rihanna (60), The Beatles (59), Drake (54), Boyz II Men (50), and Usher (47).
Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
Generally speaking, crashing the stage at a concert is a bad idea. Security guards tend to get pretty jumpy whenever a fan climbs into an artist’s space uninvited — and for good reason, considering all the shenanigans that can happen up there (even the performing act isn’t always safe). But, every so often, drunk and/or overconfident showgoers emerge unscathed with triumphant stories to tell their friends — if they can remember anything the next day — and, even more occasionally, a great souvenir or two for the road.
That was the case during Lil Uzi Vert’s set at Outside Lands this past weekend, where a young man found his way onstage just as Uzi was set to perform their verse from Playboi Carti’s “Wokeuplikethis.” Although security acted quickly to surround the intruder, Uzi paused the show, asking the guards to wait one second, asking the fan for his phone, and offering to take a selfie with him. Security then directed him safely off the stage so Uzi could get back to performing. It looked like it could have been a tense situation, but ultimately, everything turned out okay.
Now, please do not take this as a license to go jumping on just any stage, even Uzi’s. Just because the Philly rapper was nice this time doesn’t mean they want their safety taken for granted or their kindness abused. And with anyone else… well, if you play stupid games, you win painful prizes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
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