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As loving pet owners, we do our best to become highly skilled animal translators. We know that not all meows are created equal. We can sense the difference between a happy tail wag and an anxious one. But still, what if we could just have a conversation with our beloved beasties? What would they say? And what would we ask them?

“Why are they looking at us like that? I know we’re cute and all, but…”

Photo by Louis-Philippe Poitras on Unsplash

In a since-deleted Reddit post, someone posed this very question. The Reddit user asked:

“You’re gifted 24 straight hours where you and your pet are suddenly able to understand each other…What would you want to tell them?”

There were hundreds of responses. Some were lighthearted, like kindly asking to not throw up on the carpet or requesting explanation for [insert odd behavior here]. Others seemed eager to reassure their pets that yes, the vet really is a safe place to be, and no, leaving the house doesn’t mean they’ll be gone forever.

Despite the myriad answers, one theme prevailed: love. For the most part, pet owners have immense fondness for their fur babies, and really do want to provide the best life possible for them. We might not be able to use actual words (doesn’t stop us from using the baby voice though) but we humans will never stop finding different ways to thank our animals for filling our hearts with so much joy.

Enjoy 14 of the funniest, most heartwarming and all around smile-inducing answers:

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“I would tell our cat how much we love him and how lovable he is. I would tell him that I value every second with him. I would tell him that we don’t let him outside because he has a medical condition not because we choose not to let him outside. I would tell him that we disappear all day, most days, because we have to to earn our keep not because we want to…I would ask him if he is okay and happy, whether he feels well, whether he’s in pain at all, what we could do to make him happier. I would stroke and cuddle him the whole time.” -@fishfingerchipbean

“I would reassure my dog that the people walking in the street aren’t going to hurt us. Delivery drivers are not evil. The people at the vet are very nice and will never hurt you. They help keep you healthy.” -@FluffySharkBird

“I would profusely apologize for ever stomping on their tails and swear on my mother’s life it was always an accident.” -@gudbote

“Talk about dog life and how it’s like…what do they do when left unsupervised, and maybe go on a walk and talk about anything and everything.” -@SecurityCrisis141

“I would love to know what they dream about.” -@Dry-Explanation-9464

“I think my cat would absolutely ROAST me first for 24 hours.” -@StraberryBob69

“Please let me know how to be a better friend to you because you deserve everything.” -@boywithtwoarms

“I’d ask him about what his life was like before he was picked up by the shelter (he was a stray when they found him). I’d also tell him how proud I am of him learning new things. I’d reassure him that he doesn’t need to feel anxious or afraid when he sees other dogs on our walk (he’s leash reactive, we’re working on it).” -@makuniverse

“I’d ask them for their preferences on literally everything. What do they want to eat? What litter do they like? What toys, if any, do they actually enjoy playing with, and how can I make playtime with them more enjoyable? Which nap space is the best? Is the water fountain ever going to get used again, or should I just stick to cups of water laid out on the kitchen floor for them to pick from? Do they enjoy cuddle time at all (or, maybe for my own selfish sake, can i at least get SOME on occasion)?” -@in_the_low_life

“Why do you beg for treats, then sometimes don’t even eat them but line them up on your bed in a certain order? And did you really eat that whole chicken, bones and all?” -@Lucinnda

“What’s up with the food thing? Today you love chicken pate and tomorrow it’s poison? WTF?” -Expensive_Ferret-339

“If you need to throw up please get off the bed. Better yet, get on the tile. Love you. Thanks for never scratching the kids when they’re being crazy.” -@Likeomgitscrystal

“I love you so much and I would literally die for you, Oh and why do you get zoomies everyday and bite me everytime!!!!!” -@curator_557

“Tbh I would just love to hear her tell stories of her favorite memories from her point of view. Maybe I’d tell her mine too. I really would just like to catch up like old friends lol. Also I would want to tell her that even though we go away on vacation sometimes I hope she knows that we’ll always come back because we love her and we miss her lots while we’re away.” -@Vanilla_Chinchilla96

Technically, Kurt Russell and his son Wyatt have acted together before. When he was a kid in the ‘90s, Wyatt appeared in two of his dad’s vehicles, Escape from L.A. and 198’s Soldier. But ever since Wyatt became an actor in his own right (and a faux-Captain America), he hasn’t appeared on screen alongside his old man. That changes now.

As per The Hollywood Reporter, the Russell boys are finally teaming up. The project that brought them together? Apple TV+’s show about Godzilla, which moves Hollywood’s latest rebooted take on the Japanese franchise, known as the Monsterverse, to the small screen. The show will take place after the climax of 2014’s Godzilla, which ended with the big guy vanquishing the Titans (that is, other, even more aggressive kaiju) in spectacular fashion. The as-yet-untitled show will, as per THR, follow a “family’s journey to uncover its buried secrets and a legacy linking them to the secret organization known as Monarch.”

But you know who’s even more interesting than giant, rampaging kaiju? The erstwhile Snake Plissken and his pretty cool-seeming son, who inherited not his pop’s acting chops but also his ability to grow out handsome long locks.

For Old Man Russell, this is a kind of homecoming. Apart from a vocal appearance on Marvel’s show What if…?, he hasn’t acted on television since the mid-‘70s, back when he was still trying to break out of his live-action Disney mold. His last show appearance was a 1976 episode of Hawaii Five-0, though his last big TV gig was as the King in the 1979 miniseries Elvis — the first time he worked with his future good bud John Carpenter, who would soon cast him in Escape from New York. Of course, it’s only fitting that the guy from The Thing would only return to the small screen if he’d get to act alongside giant monsters.

(Via THR)

Earlier this month, Joe Biden mentioned the story of a 10-year old girl who was raped and impregnated, and was forced to travel from her home in Ohio to the state of Indiana in order to obtain an abortion. It was just one example of the kind of strife that child-bearing individuals of all ages will face in the wake of the Supreme Court’s tyrannical decision to overturn Roe v Wade. Rather than defend their position, conservatives quickly claimed that the story was clearly a lie… until a man was arrested for the crime and admitted to raping the child on at least two occasions.

Upon learning the truth of the matter, Indiana attorney general Todd Rokita acted abominably and attempted to refocus the story on Dr. Caitlin Bernard, the Indianapolis-based OB-GYN and assistant professor at Indiana University’s School of Medicine, the doctor who performed the operation. While chatting up Fox News’ resident imbecile Jesse Watters, Rokita stated that he was gathering evidence on Dr. Bernard, whom he described as an “abortion activist acting as a doctor.” Now Bernard, who did not ask to be thrust into the public spotlight, is hitting back.

According to the Indianapolis Star, Dr. Bernard has filed a claim for damages against Rokita, which could be the first step in a defamation suit. Bernard’s lawyer, Kathleen DeLaney, filed a tort claim notice on Tuesday, which stated:

Mr. Rokita’s false and misleading statements about alleged misconduct by Dr. Bernard in her profession constitute defamation per se. The statements have been and continue to be published by or on behalf of Mr. Rokita and the Office of the Attorney General. To the extent that these statements exceed the general scope of Mr. Rokita’s authority as Indiana’s Attorney General, the statement forms the basis of an actionable defamation claim against Mr. Rokita individually.

During his Fox News appearance, Rokita claimed that Bernard had “a history of failing to report” cases of child abuse and/or abortions she had performed, neither of which turned out to be true (nor did Rokita offer any evidence for this claim). According to the Indianapolis Star, Bernard—whose photo was onscreen throughout Watters and Rokita’s conversation, which put the doctor’s life in danger—is “seeking unspecified damages for security costs, legal fees, reputational harm, and emotional distress. The tort claim triggers a 90-day period for Rokita to investigate or settle the claim. After that, Bernard can file a lawsuit.”

For his part, Rokita—unsurprisingly—claims that he did nothing wrong. A spokesperson for Rokita said Bernard’s claims were “part of a divisive narrative and an attempt to distract from the important work of the office, including the duty to determine whether practitioners have violated the standards of practice in his or her profession, as well as federal and state laws. We will defend against baseless claims.”

(Via Indianapolis Star)

Beyonce’s Renaissance is set to arrive on Friday, July 29th. Today, the singer posted the tracklist to her Instagram stories in a sneaky little video. The list of tracks was set to the already released single “Break My Soul” and the track titles moved rhythmically and flashed like a disco ball. Fitting, and perhaps a hint at more dance floor ready bops like “Break My Soul” to come?

Of the album’s 15 tracks, “Break My Soul’ appears as the sixth cut. Looking through the tracklist titles, “America Has A Problem” stands out as a song where Beyonce is likely making a statement about the troubling times in the country. The song “Thique,” seems destined to coin a number of memes in our cultural lexicon, in the same way that the “surboart/surfboard” mention did back on “Drunk In Love.”

Bey shared the album cover for Renaissance last month, which features the pop star nearly nude on top of a digital horse. And while the Renaissance tracklist is out in the world, still no word yet on whether there are any notable guest features. Judging from Beyonce’s previous releases however, these details will surely emerge before next Friday.

Check out the tracklist for Renaissance below.

1. “I’m That Girl”
2. “Cozy”
3. “Alien Superstar”
4. “Cuff It”
5. “Energy”
6. “Break My Soul”
7. “Church Girl”
8. “Plastic Off The Sofa”
9. “Virgo’s Groove”
10. “Move”
11. “Heated”
12. “Thique”
13. “All Up In Your Mind”
14. “America Has A Problem”
15. “Pure/Honey”

Renaissance is out on 07/29 via Parkwood/Columbia. Pre-Order it here.

Henry Cavill quickly started to trend on Wednesday following a report that the actor could announce his return as Superman at the first San Diego Comic-Con event since the pandemic. News of Cavill’s possible appearance was mentioned in passing in a Deadline report on what to expect at the fan convention this weekend, but that was all that it took for Twitter to run wild:

Dwayne Johnson and the Warner Bros theatrical session will serve as [DC Comic’s] opening act earlier in the day, with Black Adam and Shazam: Fury of the Gods getting their much-deserved closeups on the Hall H stage. There’s also buzz that Henry Cavill will put in a surprise appearance to talk up more Superman.

Granted, fans have been down this road many times before, sometimes to Cavill’s (slight) frustration, but that didn’t stop the frenzy from kicking into high gear. Lending credence to the chance of Cavill’s Superman return is the fact that he currently shares an agent with The Rock who has been pushing for a showdown between Black Adam and the Man of Steel for years. With the former about to become a key piece in the DC Comics’ film slate, The Rock has even more leverage than ever.

In addition to The Rock’s dreams of a superhero rumble, there have been reports that executives at the newly formed Warner Bros. Discovery have been less than thrilled that a marquee character like Superman has been sitting on the bench. If Cavill truly is making a Comic-Con appearance, it would seem that the studio isn’t wasting any time remedying that mistake.

You can see some of the fan reactions below:

Of course, there has been a contingent of fans who don’t want Cavill to return as Superman unless it’s to star in a Man of Steel 2 directed by Zack Snyder. However, there seems to be even further bad blood between the director and Warner Bros. following a recent report that the studio issued an investigation into an alleged bot campaign that may have inflated the “Release The Snyder Cut” business. There was already a sizable rift between the two parties following the release of Snyder’s director’s cut, and it doesn’t look like that relationship will be mended anytime soon.

(Via Deadline)

The cinematic event of the year, Magic Mike’s Last Dance, won’t get a cinematic release after all. Probably.

Director Steven Soderbergh confirmed that the movie would be released on HBO Max. While a release date has not been set, the option to have it be released in theaters is still on the table, according to Soderbergh. “It’s certainly hard to argue that this isn’t a movie that’s best seen in a theater, because we have the data. People, primarily women, were going in packs, in large groups, to see the Magic Mike movies,” the director confirmed to Variety. There is truly nothing quite like a “pack of women” dreamily looking at Channing Tatum on the screen to bring movie theaters back in business!

While the details of the movie are still pretty slim, Soderbergh gave a sneak peek into what fans can expect from the third installment in the franchise, which stars Tatum alongside Salma Hayek. “The movie is sort of a fictionalized procedural on how Mike comes up with the idea of a show — and then the obstacles, of which there are many, to trying to realize his vision of what this new thing could be.” Soderbergh explained, adding “It’s a variation on All That Jazz.” If anything, this means it should be in more movie theaters.

While this is the third and final movie in the series, Soderbergh is open to more content in the future. “There are stories that can be told that have the same sort of ethos and are tackling the same subjects that still involve dance but don’t have Mike Lane in them,” Soderbergh adds.

Perhaps there will be an HBO prequel series a la Euphoria that stars Channing Tatum as his former high school self learning to dance? Just an idea.

(Via Variety)

On Wednesday night, ESPN will host its annual awards celebration for the world of sports, the ESPYs, but the event will not feature a few prominent figures from the world of women’s sports.

Among the awards that were given out on Tuesday night’s preview show was “Best College Athlete, Women’s Sports,” with Oklahoma softball star Jocelyn Alo taking home those honors over a field that included South Carolina basketball star and Naismith Player of the Year, Aliyah Boston. Earlier in the week, Boston’s coach, Dawn Staley, took to Twitter to offer her frustration that the star wasn’t getting an invite to go to the awards ceremony in person, as ESPN cited COVID restrictions and a smaller venue — the 3,400 seat Dolby Theater in L.A. — as the reason they weren’t inviting the nominees from categories that weren’t being televised.

Considering ESPN will air a feature on the 50th anniversary of Title IX during the ESPYs, one would think they probably would’ve thought to include the “Best College Athlete, Women’s Sports” category on the telecast. The network found itself getting blasted by the women’s hoops world and beyond, and attempted to change course, offering a belated invitation to Boston to come to L.A. for the festivities. On Wednesday afternoon, Boston offered a public statement declining that late invite, explaining the hurt of the category not being televised (when it was a year prior) and calling them out for only changing course due to the social media outrage, saying it wasn’t surprising but is just the latest example of Black Women getting disrespected only for it to be brushed aside as a “mistake.”

Boston received tons of support for her powerful statement from around the sports world.

Beach Bunny have saved the best for last. Ahead of Friday’s release of their new album, Emotional Creature, the Chicago quartet have completed their outer space trilogy of music videos with the show-stopping “Weeds.”

It’s not just that “Weeds” might be the best single from the handful of super catchy pop-punk anthems that Beach Bunny have now released off of Emotional Creature. But the “Star Team” intergalactic pop punk video trilogy was seriously as fun to follow along with as their music is to listen to.

In the “Weeds” clip, singer Lili Trifilio rescues Star Agent Zero in the finale of the Star Wars-esque caper that she wrote. And as triumphant as the accomplished mission was (originally tasked by Bob Odenkirk no less!) it’s the song that shines so bright here, especially Trifilio’s lyrics. “‘Weeds’ felt like I was taking ownership of my emotions instead of letting my emotions drive me into despair,” Trifilio said in a statement. And she captures that so well singing:

“Like nothing matters after
Natural disaster
And I wonder
Where’s my happy ever after?
I’m obsessed, depressed, can’t seem to find no closure
What’s the point in getting dressed
If the two of us are over?”

Do yourself a favor and dig into Beach Bunny’s “Weeds” video above and check out all of the others and the some here.

Emotional Creature is out 7/22 via Mom+Pop Music. Pre-order it here.

Tonight, Pearl Jam was supposed to perform in Vienna, Austria. However, their previous performance, at Lollapalooza Paris on July 17, left Eddie Vedder worse for wear, which the band revealed today while canceling the Vienna show.

In their message, the band notes that smoke from a massive wildfire in France, along with heat and dust, was detrimental to Vedder’s voice, writing, “To all those who were anticipating a great Pearl Jam show tonight in Vienna, we were too. However, due to the extreme circumstances at the last outdoor site outside of Paris (heat, dust, and smoke from the fires) our singer Ed Vedder’s throat was left damaged. He has seen doctors and had treatment but as of yet, his vocal cords have not recovered.”

The post goes on to note, “This is brutal news and horrible timing…for everyone involved. Those who work so hard to put on the shows as well as those who give their precious time and energies to attend…. As a band, we are deeply sorry and have tried to find options to still play. And Ed wants to play. There’s just no throat available at this time…”

So far, the band has not canceled any other upcoming concerts beyond the Vienna concert.

The R. Kelly fan who was arrested last month for making threats against court officials during the singer’s trial has pled “not guilty” to a charge of making threats involving serious bodily injury or death, according to Billboard. The man, Christopher Gunn, posted YouTube videos in which he said he and unidentified others were “going to storm they office” as he flashed an image of the US Attorney’s Office in Brooklyn and named three prosecutors in the case. “[I]f you ain’t got the stomach for the sh-t we bout to do, I’m asking that you just bail out,” he says in the video.

Gunn also allegedly accepted payment for ammunition via CashApp, with users tagging their transactions with captions such as “30 rounds.. free R kelly.”

R. Kelly’s trial last September ended with the disgraced singer convicted of racketeering and sex trafficking. He was sentenced last month to 30 years in prison, as well as extensive stipulations overseeing his release. He’s due to go back on trial next month, this time in his home state, Illinois, on child pornography charges. He was put on suicide watch shortly after the sentencing, but was later removed after he sued the Brooklyn jail in which he’s currently incarcerated.