For years now, if Phoebe Bridgers has made a public appearance, odds are she’s done it in the same skeleton costume she’s really taken to wearing virtually all the time. Sometimes, though, she’ll mix it up, like she did with her fancy Thom Browne skeleton dress at the 2021 Grammys (that dress actually partially inspired the whole skeleton thing for Bridgers, by the way).
She switched things up again on The Tonight Show, where she performed “Sidelines.” This time, Bridgers donned a football uniform, complete with bulky pads, and stripped the song down, singing over delicate piano and strings for this Jimmy Fallon rendition.
The new costume might remind fans of Bridgers’ 2020 video for “I Know The End,” which ends with Bridgers, in her traditional skeleton outfit, performing the song in a football stadium.
It was previously indicated that “Sidelines” would be Bridgers’ only new song of 2022, but since then, she has decided to not rule out the possibility of more fresh music this year: In an interview from April, Bridgers was asked if “Sidelines” actually will be her sole output of the year and she responded, “Uh, who knows, actually. I try to do things that are exciting, so I never really know what I’m gonna do.”
Move over, Kim Kardashian: there’s a new Marilyn Monroe in town.
Netflix has released the first teaser trailer for Blonde, Andrew Dominik’s NC-17-rated biopic of Monroe starring Ana de Armas as the legendary actress. You can watch it above.
Dominik has describedBlonde as “a movie for all the unloved children of the world. It’s like Citizen Kane and Raging Bull had a baby daughter,” and that it’s “an NC-17 movie about Marilyn Monroe, it’s kind of what you want, right? I want to go and see the NC-17 version of the Marilyn Monroe story.” This ain’t your dad’s Marilyn Monroe biopic.
“Andrew’s ambitions were very clear from the start: to present a version of Marilyn Monroe’s life through her lens,” de Armas, who was great in Knives Out and the best part about No Time to Die, told Netflix Queue about the movie. “He wanted the world to experience what it actually felt like to not only be Marilyn, but also Norma Jeane. I found that to be the most daring, unapologetic, and feminist take on her story I had ever seen.”
She continued:
“We worked on this film for hours, every single day for almost a year. I read [author Joyce Carol Oates’] novel, studied hundreds of photographs, videos, audio recordings, films — anything I could get my hands on. Every scene is inspired by an existing photograph. We’d pore over every detail in the photo and debate what was happening in it. The first question was always, ‘What was Norma Jeane feeling here?’ We wanted to tell the human side of her story. Fame is what made Marilyn the most visible person in the world, but it also made Norma the most invisible.”
Vladimir Putin’s war on Ukraine is not going as easily as planned, and (over 100 days into the invasion) troops’ wives are incensed over their mystery whereabouts. It’s a sad addendum to news that Putin’s crumbling army is losing officers like crazy (including a top commander, “The Executioner,” who got whacked by a Ukrainian sniper). Things are also very much not great at home for Putin with rumors of ill health and assassination attempts swirling, prompting his inner circle to allegedly plot to insert a successor while Putin’s political future appears to be in jeopardy for various reasons.
On the battlefield, troops have already been reported to have had enough with the Kremlin’s ill-advised, shoddy plans. Putin seems to have expected Ukraine to immediately fold, which didn’t happen (President Volodymyr Zelensky’s digging in his feet, as are his people), and leaked audio revealed how troops threatened to blow up their general. Back to the homefront, though, wives of some of those troops are demanding answers after their husbands were due back on June 6 but never materialized. And the Kremlin has ignored their pleas for information.
As Newsweek reports (while posting sensitive video footage), these emotional wives are marching in the streets after their husbands were ordered into battle in eastern Ukraine, and four months later, no one will say where they are:
“From their 121st regiment, only the 4th company (battalion) made it here,” the woman said, adding that the military unit “refuses” to tell them where their husbands are and that nobody is giving them any information.
“Where are our husbands? This is how they mobilized our husbands, took them from their jobs–they haven’t been home even for a day,” the woman said. “We don’t know what’s happening to them now, whether they are alive or not, no one can give us an answer to that. How is this possible? Two hundred people, is that a needle in a haystack? Answer us, to whom should we appeal?”
It’s a sobering reminder that, after the world delighted at Putin’s botched invasion and endless reports of fired and/or missing commanders, plenty of troops are falling by the wayside (or simply missing or lost) as well. And it appears that the Kremlin isn’t even letting their families know what’s happening to their loved ones (husbands, fathers, and sons) from this region, the Donetsk People’s Republic (DPR), where all men were involuntarily mobilized into this ongoing cluster of a war.
Virginia isn’t the first place that comes to mind when you think of a musical hotbed. Those are places like NYC, LA, Nashville, Atlanta, and Miami. But Virginia native Pharrell Williams has been trying to change that perception for years, outrightly so with his Something In The Water Festival. Back in 2019, Pharrell described his vision for it, noting that it wasn’t just to bring artists together, but for corporations, the NCAA, and the world to understand that Virginia is here, “open for business,” and deserving its flowers for its outsized yet lesser-known impact on popular music.
To fully grasp that outsized impact, one maybe does need to quickly look back at history. Virginia, with its colonial blend of English, Scots-Irish, and African influences, was a launching pad for old-time music — the foundation for blues, bluegrass, country music, and more. Many of America’s most iconic performers, from Patsy Cline to Ella Fitzgerald, hailed from the state and drew influence from that unique sonic landscape. Popular music today, from jazz to blues to hip-hop, is a reflection of a poly-cultural makeup — and Virginia was one of the first places where those diverse perspectives and styles began to manifest into tangible works of art.
Fast-forward to more recent history, and the state’s impact on the music world is undeniable, yet still seems to fly under the radar. All one needs to do is have a look at Pharrell and his production partner, Chad Hugo, who formed The Neptunes in 1990 from their hometown of Virginia Beach, VA. The iconic duo gave the world hits like “Milkshake” by Kelis, “Beautiful” by Snoop Dogg, and “Hollaback Girl” by Gwen Stefani, with the two eventually being named the second most influential production duo of the 21st Century, only behind pop savant Max Martin. Of course, that’s not the last the world has seen of Pharrell. The multi-hyphenate musician gave us the now divisive, yet still monstrously successful “Happy” (which he himself seems to be sick of), and has contributed to recent work from Kendrick Lamar, Jack Harlow, Kehlani, ROSALÍA, Omar Apollo, Ashnikko, and Snoh Aalegra — just to name a few. He also just dropped this jam with 21 Savage and Tyler The Creator.
He’s not alone though. Surrounding Pharrell is a vortex of other successful artists and producers who also call Virginia Beach and the surrounding Hampton Roads area home, from Pharrell’s cousin Timbaland and his long-time collaborator Missy Elliott to Pusha T and his brother No Malice, otherwise known as Clipse. Each act came up together at the same time in the exact same town — a puzzling revelation that sparks a lot of intrigue. This is where the diverse cultural makeup of Virginia meets with a somewhat surprising facilitator for its melting pot feel — the US Navy. Newport News, where Missy, Pharrell, and those other VA players come from, is home to a large number of naval bases that over the years have brought families from all over the country to the region. That raises the question: could it be that all those disparate influences and regional styles made the area an easy-bake oven for totally fresh yet immediately recognizable and universally resonant music?
Other Virginian artists, from Dave Grohl and D’Angelo to Kali Uchis and Dave Matthews, may not come from Newport News specifically but their varied musical styles embody the state’s broad sensibilities. Their music showcases distinct regional flair and speaks to hotspots just outside the state’s borders, from the country twang of Tennessee to the punk rock and urban flair of Washington D.C. D.C., for instance, is where Grohl cut his teeth in the punk scene, loading him up with influences that he’d take to Seattle in the late ’80s before joining Nirvana with their mix of fast-slow-fast melodic heaviness. The end result was a mix that has made the Foo Fighters an all-time band around the world.
DC’s influence on Virginia’s music shouldn’t be understated with the Nation’s Capital housing so many different artists, from the aforementioned Kali Uchis to rapper Wale, plus a multitude of venues in such a concentrated area. Catering to all sentiments — the heart of the establishment, the spirit of rebellion — Virginia’s neighbor to the north reflects the same diverse cultural personality and output, something that could again easily be attributed to the area’s military and government outposts. As that city welcomes a refreshed version of Pharrell’s Something In The Water Festival this week, music lovers will be given a chance to re-embrace Virginia and its surrounding area’s lasting impact on culture while rejoicing in the art coming out of every under-the-radar city, state, and country across the world.
Some of the artists here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
In the season one finale post-credits scene (the MCU-ification of reality programming) of the Hulu series, Kim is seen talking to someone off-camera about the show’s audio producer Erin Paxton, a.k.a. Paxy. “You have to meet Paxy. Paxy has worked with me as audio 14 years from Keeping Up With the Kardashians. She knows everything about me. She’s probably seen my vagina,” she said. Then, we hear a familiar voice:
hulu
“More than me?” the former-SNL cast member wondered. “Not more than you,” Kim answered. “But she’s probably seen it.” Paxy, in fact, hasn’t seen Kim’s vagina, at least not in person. “You haven’t seen my vagina? We’ll get there. It takes time to warm up to seeing my vagina,” a surprised Kim said. “But you could look on the Internet.”
And that’s a wrap on season one of The Kardashians, folks.
Davidson (who shared his first kiss with his very famous girlfriend on SNL) has been a frequent off-screen presence during The Kardashians this season, but “I have not filmed with him,” Kim told Variety ahead of the premiere. “I’m not opposed to it. It’s just not what he does. But if there was an event happening and he was there, he wouldn’t tell the cameras to get away.” He will, however, have a larger presence in season two. “I think I might film something really exciting coming, but it wouldn’t be for this season,” she said.
A movie about Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian where Michael Cera and Snooki play them
A few days ago, Beyonce removed the profile pictures from her social media accounts, which many took as a sign that some major news, perhaps of a long-awaited follow-up to 2016’s Lemonade, was on the way. Indeed, fans are getting what they hoped for: Late last night, Tidal announced Renaissance, a new album from Beyonce.
The image Tidal shared indicates that “Act I” of Renaissance is coming on July 29. Beyonce’s social media profiles have also been updated to indicate the release date. Two possibilities here are that either Beyonce plans to release additional installments of or sequels to Renaissance after the initial drop, or that the project is being split into multiple parts, so just one part of it is coming out on the 29th.
Pre-orders for multiple editions of a box set for the album are available now, but they do not show the album art or tracklist, nor has that information been shared elsewhere.
In an August 2021 interview, Beyonce said (and even used the word “renaissance”) of working on new music, “With all the isolation and injustice over the past year, I think we are all ready to escape, travel, love, and laugh again. I feel a renaissance emerging, and I want to be part of nurturing that escape in any way possible. I’ve been in the studio for a year and a half. Sometimes it takes a year for me to personally search through thousands of sounds to find just the right kick or snare. One chorus can have up to 200 stacked harmonies. Still, there’s nothing like the amount of love, passion, and healing that I feel in the recording studio. After 31 years, it feels just as exciting as it did when I was nine years old. Yes, the music is coming!”
The best way to celebrate the start of summer is to take yourself on a well-deserved beach getaway. While tropical islands and international trips are great, you don’t need to go too far to bask in the goodness of a classic beach vacation. The U.S. offers a plethora of coastal gems that can make you feel like you’re worlds away.
To help you find the absolute best beaches to visit this season, we asked 10 travel writers and influencers to share their all-time favorite U.S. beaches. From classic California hotspots to a lakeside oasis to unexpected, rocky coastlines, the beaches below will inspire your summer travel itinerary.
EDITOR’S PICK: STEVE BRAMUCCI (@steve_bramucci) — LAGUNA BEACH, CALIFORNIA
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Is it a homer pick for me to vote for Laguna Beach — having lived there on and off for quite some time now? Or did I choose to live in Laguna because it’s the best beach in the nation? All I know is this: As far as beach destinations go, I’ve never seen a mix of weather, waves, and scenery inside the United States quite like Laguna Beach. And I’ve been to 45 states and territories with beaches always on my mind.
What’s so great about Laguna Beach? It’s the cliffs.
See, unlike Newport to the north or San Clemente to the south, Laguna is cut into segments by sandstone cliffs that often push into the sea, thereby creating a series of coves. Some of these many coves are well known. Others are not. If you pressed me, I could show you a beach in Laguna that you can share with maybe a handful of other people on the freaking 4th of July. No joke — beaches like Totuava in the south of town and Shaw’s Cove in the north are legitimately never crowded.
For my money, you can’t beat the famed Thalia Street Beach — Laguna’s most well-known longboarding surf spot and a favorite among… just about everyone. Not to veer into cliche but this beach is seriously vibey. You’ve got the surfers sharing “party waves,” the families playing along the shoreline, and the teenagers camped out next to the lifeguard tower. It feels like a scene out of another, more idyllic time where everyone is surfing and laughing and flirting.
Best of all, thanks to some very vigilant locals, Laguna’s beaches are clean — nearly devoid of trash. That’s such a pleasure and adds to the experience tremendously. Whether you’re hanging at Treasure Island Beach with the movie stars staying at The Montage or getting “body whomped” by the shore break waves at Crescent Bay, please help us keep it up when you visit next!
You gotta go to Tampa. I will pack a bikini in my carry-on. So that as soon as I get off my flight, I take a car service to my hotel which is always right on the beach. Then walk from my room in a bikini to the pool and then to the beach. I’m in the water in just a few steps. The water is a crystal clear, gorgeous turquoise blue. It is so calm, peaceful, and warm.
There are beautiful little crabs that dance up and down the beach, and the sand is super soft. It’s so expansive. No matter if there are so many people on the beach, you always feel like you have so much space. I can feel like I’m in my own oasis even if I’m clearly on a beach with lots of people who are also staying at their own glamorous hotels.
My favorite time is to go in the morning right after sunrise and just dance on the beach. It’s so cool still in the morning in Florida. So before it gets really humid and sticky hot, I’m out there dancing in the waves. That’s my favorite thing. It’s definitely going to Tampa, whether that’s St. Petersburg Beach or Clearwater Beach. You can only do things right in Tampa. Everyone should definitely book a flight to Tampa and book a gorgeous hotel on the coastline.
Neptune Beach is as barebones as they come. While the beaches of northern Oregon are popular escapes for weekend crowds coming out of the cities, crowds start to thin further south. Three hours from Portland, a blip on the map gives road trippers the perfect place to unplug.
Little more than a pullout on the side of the 101, this stretch of Oregon sand is a natural playground. Low tide delivers access to a labyrinth of tide pools filled with starfish, sea urchins, and crabs beneath coastal cliffs. A freshwater creek cuts through the beach that often hosts harbor seals and passing whales—and it’s all located just minutes from seaside coffee stands that dot the small towns up and down the Oregon Coast.
EMILY HART (@emilyventures) — JACKSON LAKE SWIM BEACH, WYOMING
When I visualize the perfect summer beach day, I don’t often think of a sandy coastline. While I love a traditional tropical vibe, my favorite beach could not be more different. Its coastline is rocky, the water is often frigid, and I would choose it over any other any day.
Jackson Lake Swim Beach is a stretch of rocky shore on Jackson Lake in Grand Teton National Park. Located within the Colter Bay area of the park, it is the perfect place to take a dip, read a book, or get in some sunbathing. Bring a chair or a thick blanket for comfort, and some water shoes if you’re getting in.
The view over the lake is truly unreal. The glacially carved canyons tower above you in a way that I haven’t experienced anywhere else. There are no foothills here, the peaks just jut out magically above. It is a beach experience I hope everyone can have one day.
To access, you’ll need to enter the Colter Bay area of Grand Teton National Park. You can pick up food or drinks at the general store then turn to the right on Cottonwood Way when you get to the water. There is parking along the lakeside — I recommend parking at the far end of the road where it turns around. If the water is too cold, head to the marina to rent a kayak or boat. And spend your beach day enjoying the view.
JARED RANAHAN (@jaredranahan) — OUTER BANKS, NORTH CAROLINA
Jared Ranahan
It’s a pretty tough decision, but my ultimate favorite beach has to be the entire Outer Banks shoreline. I’ve been coming here on family vacation for the past decade and a half, I have a massive extended family so we get a beach house that fits about 20 people and just hang out for the week, it’s a really beloved tradition for us. But aside from the nostalgia factor, the beaches across the Outer Banks are gorgeous, with soft sand and a lot of potential for bodyboarding.
Also, the Outer Banks coast has one pretty incredible feature that few beaches around the world are able to match. As a writer who focuses on wildlife and ecotourism, the wild beach horses are so incredible to see in person. No one is sure exactly how they arrived in the area—it’s possible that they were tossed overboard by Spanish ships to reduce weight and they swam to shore and survived, which is a pretty fascinating origin story. They’ve actually adapted quite well to survive in the area — they dig trenches in the sand to find potable water underground, they’re really incredible creatures. There are a couple of tour operators in the area that give ample insight into the history of the horses, I’ve personally had a great experience with Wild Horse Adventure Tours.
Beyond the horses, there’s a lot more to love about the Outer Banks. History-wise, the Wright Brothers’ first successful flight took place in Kitty Hawk, and the famed pirate Edward Teach—better known as Blackbeard—used to prowl the nearby shores for loot, and even met his demise on the Outer Banks coast. For modern-day visitors, I recommend checking out the local brewery scene (I’m a big fan of Northern Outer Banks Brewing Company, they have great lagers), sampling some of the local seafood restaurants, checking out the Roanoke Aquarium, and—speaking as a serious fan of birdwatching—going on a birding expedition around Cape Hatteras National Seashore.
I’ll be heading back to the Outer Banks this August and I can’t wait to see them again!
When it comes to US Beaches I have to say I am definitely a Florida girl. From the North Beaches in Destin all the way down to the Florida Keys, I’ve had the opportunity to see my fair share of Florida beaches and I have yet to be disappointed!
For a long time, Destin was definitely my favorite, up until recently when my family and I took a family vacation to Siesta Key, and I have to say that it’s definitely the front runner now!
From the white-sand beaches to the most charming little town filled with the cutest shops, bars, and restaurants, everything about Siesta Key makes for a perfect beach vacation!!
ESTHER SUSAG (@estherelsewhere) — TANGUISSON BEACH, GUAM (U.S. Territory)
Esther Susag
I wish I had been better at photography when I was in Guam to properly showcase how insanely beautiful this beach is. But, Tanguisson is the prettiest beach I have been to in the U.S. (even if it is “just” a territory). This beach is the absolute best at sunset. Get yourself a friend or significant other, grab a bottle of wine, and go enjoy one of the most beautiful picnics you’ll ever have. I had heard that this beach was pretty, but until I saw it with my own eyes, I had no idea just how beautiful it was.
I genuinely think it’s one of the prettiest parts of Guam. Not to mention, it’s a little off the beaten path a bit and around a 20-minute drive from the main city on Guam, so it’s not very crowded. Also, if you are into star gazing, this place is absolutely insane for watching the stars at night.
CHLOE CALDWELL (@chloeicaldwell) — VENTURA BEACH, CALIFORNIA
I grew up about 45 minutes from Ventura Beach, so maybe the nostalgia of spending many summer days of my childhood and adolescence there makes me biased. But to me, Ventura is an underrated beach destination that’s well worth a visit. Tucked on the coastline between LA and Santa Barbara, Ventura offers a more low-key, laidback beachside getaway.
You’ll find wide stretches of sand, sunset views from the Ventura Pier, boutique shopping and diverse dining on Main Street, outdoor sports like paddleboarding, surfing, and biking, and pretty much anything else you’d imagine a quintessential Southern California beach town to feature. You’ll never get bored during a weekend spent in Ventura.
While the water is chilly year-round and the beach gets crowded during summer, it’s not nearly as packed as the tourist-infested beaches of LA like Santa Monica and Venice (although these are still some of my favorite beaches, too). You’re able to enjoy your time in the sun without fighting for a spot in the sand or waiting an hour to eat at a nearby lunch spot. Whenever I need to get away from the city and relax, Ventura is my go-to staycation destination.
If you’re driving south on the Pacific Coast Highway in Oregon, there’s a fantastic pullout after the Sea Lion Caves on the way to Florence, which offers a stunning view of Baker Beach and a trail through sand dunes will take you to the water. The lookout is perfect for a moment of wellness and the pristine sand is just begging to be walked on.
I’m Aussie, so I have high standards when it comes to beaches but with the pristine coastline and wild surf, Baker Beach gives Australian beaches a run for their money!
I grew up in Illinois, so there will always be a place in my heart for a midwestern beach. There is something different about a day spent along the coast of the Great Lakes. And just like the midwest itself — it’s not pretentious or trying to be anything that it’s not. Luckily, what it is is pretty great.
Some of my favorite beaches are actually just over 30 miles outside Chicago — at Indiana Dunes National and State Parks. Indiana Dunes is one of the United States’ newest National Parks — changing designation from a National Lakeshore to a National Park in 2019. The park covers about 20 miles of the southern Lake Michigan coastline that is so vast and powerful you might forget you are in the middle of the country.
There are nine beaches within Indiana Dunes — with eight inside the National Park and one inside the State Park. West Beach is probably the most popular in the National Park, with the largest parking area, concessions, and a bathhouse. It’s the Westernmost beach (as you might have guessed) and can fill up on warm days.
Another option I love is the Indiana Dunes State Park Beach – although they are separate entities with separate entrance fees ($15 for the National Park and $12 for the State Park). The State Park beach has dunes and is also where you can access the 3 Dune Challenge – a hike that takes you up over the three tallest sand dunes in the park. At only 1.5 miles, but with 552 vertical gain on sand, trust me when I say you’ll want to jump in the water immediately after your attempt.
COLLETTE STOHLER (@roamaroo) — HERMOSA BEACH, CALIFORNIA
@roamaroo
Hermosa Beach is the sweetheart of SoCal. Best known for its volleyball culture, great surf, and lively apres-beach cocktail scene, this quintessential California beach town has nearly two miles of soft sand beach that hugs the Pacific Ocean. When visiting Hermosa Beach, make sure to play volleyball (or take a lesson from a pro), grab coffee at Two Guns Espresso, dine on breakfast burritos at Brothers Burritos, rent bikes and bike along The Strand, and end the day with margaritas at Palmilla Cocina Y Tequila.
The spirits awards are rolling in fast these days. This week, the John Barleycorn Awards — what a name! — announced their Best of Spring 2022 winners. The award announcement cut straight to the chase and didn’t tease out the best of the best with separate double gold and finalists announcements. We got them all at the same time.
Naturally, I thought it wise to share all the John Barleycorn Awards Best of Spring 2022 whisk(e)y winners (they’ll announce a Best of Fall 2022 later in the year). But before we dive in a little context. The John Barleycorn awards were created by journalists and industry pros (marketers mostly) who wanted a deeper look at the spirits world. If the San Francisco World Spirits Competition is like the Oscars of the award circuit, the John Barleycorn Awards are the Critics’ Choice Awards since they’re founded and led by writers and critics mostly. That lean into creativity comes through in the name as well, which is a nod to the “John Barleycorn” of myth who was the metaphorical representation of the farmer/distiller/folk hero associated with making and drinking spirits.
Okay, all of that aside, the list of whiskeys below represents a wide range of great whisk(e)y from around the world. I’m going to provide my own tasting notes where I can and the judge’s notes from the awards where I can’t. Hopefully, you’ll find a whisk(e)y to add to your home bar cart. Let’s dive in!
Also Read: The Top 5 UPROXX Bourbon Posts Of The Last Six Months
As mentioned above, this is a vatted from 40 total barrels from three different states. While the team at Pursuit United doesn’t release the Tennessee distillery name, we know the juices from Kentucky and New York are from Bardstown Bourbon Company and Finger Lakes Distilling, respectively. This final release of 2021 from Pursuit United put 9,342 bottles on the market in six states (Colorado, Georgia, Illinois, Tennessee, Texas, and Kentucky) and is available online via Seelbachs.com.
Tasting Notes:
The nose opens with a rush of cedar next to Christmas spices steeped in sweet red wine. That sweetness tends to lean into fresh honey with a touch of caramel and maybe a little dark chocolate on the end. The taste holds onto the honeyed sweetness with burnt sugars, light cedar, chocolate tobacco leaves, and a hint of orange oils. That orange is what builds and powers the finish to its silken end, concluding with an orange-choco vibe and a very soft landing.
This was first introduced in 1997. The juice is hand-selected from barrels on the upper floors of Jack’s vast rickhouses. The whisky is bottled at a slightly higher proof to allow the nuance of the juice to shine.
Tasting Notes:
The classic Jack banana notes are drawn way back here and replaced by a clear sense of toasted oak. That oak is the underpinning for notes of caramel corn, mild spice, and plenty of oily vanilla beans. The sweet banana fruit is there and marries well to a peppery spice, cherry gum, and mulled wine that amps up as the end draws near with plenty of that toasted wood lingering the longest.
Bottom Line:
This is a modern classic. The whole single barrel program at Jack Daniel’s has been instrumental in reintroducing the brand to a whole new generation and this bottle is at the forefront.
Best Luxury Whiskey — Old Fitzgerald Bottled-in-Bond Spring 2022
This whiskey was distilled and laid down in barrels back in 2004. The barrels were vatted after 17 years and proofed down to the bottled-in-bond standard of 100 proof and then bottled in the iconic Old Fitz decanter for a Spring 2022 release.
Tasting Notes:
A hint of woodiness comes through on the nose via cherry tree bark with the faintest echo of dried rose next to soft vanilla oil, a hint of cedar, a distant thought of old leather, and a touch of burnt orange peels. The palate starts off softly with a lush vanilla cream that builds towards a winter spice matrix of nutmeg, allspice, and clove with a touch of cherrywood that sweetens toward dried cherries. That mid-palate builds on the cherry with spices (nutmeg and allspice) and sticky tobacco vibes as the finish arrives next to a super creamy dark cherry in vanilla cream feel with a dusting of dark chocolate and more of that dry cherry tree bark.
Bottom Line:
This is just straight up one of the best whiskeys of 2022. If it’s not in my top ten at the end of the year, I’ll be shocked.
Best American Single Malt — Cedar Ridge Distillery The QuintEssential
This whiskey is all about a grain-to-glass experience. The juice is made with 100 percent 2-Row Pale Malted Barley (the same stuff used in some of the biggest craft beers) from up in Saskatchewan. The whiskey is then matured in ex-bourbon barrels for an undisclosed term. That whiskey is then finished in a combination of brandy, rum, wine, port, and sherry barrels before it’s vatted. The whiskey’s blend is finally made using the solera method — where the vat is never fully emptied before the next barrel is added.
Tasting Notes:
The nose is full of bright fruit with a peach and pear vibe that leans into a malty banana bread with plenty of butter, cinnamon, and walnut next to a touch of Almond Joy (but the good ones from a high-end shop). The palate is soft and subtle with hints of spiced malted gingersnaps, light cream soda vibes (maybe a light sasparilla), and a mellow and creamy base of chocolate that’s not dark but not milky either. The mid-palate has a nice sweetness that’s slightly apple adjacent with an apricot hint that mellows into a final note of chewy toffees with rum-raisin lurking on the very backend.
The Bottle:
I really enjoyed this American single malt. It’s a great example of the huge potential for the style. It’s also a damn fine sipper.
Best Rye Whiskey — BLACKENED X Willett Kentucky Straight Rye Whiskey Finished In Madeira Casks
This new release from Metallica’s BLACKENED is a masterful collaboration with Willett. The rye is a blend of whiskeys that were aged around six or seven years (with one barrel up to eight years old) that are vatted and then finished in Madeira casks. After an undisclosed amount of time mellowing in those casks, the whiskey is then bottled as-is at cask strength.
Tasting Notes:
This is a berry bomb on the nose with raspberries mingling with Bing cherries, blackberry, and maybe even some tart red currants while this strawberry-mint vibe veers the nose towards a hint of burnt spices. The taste leans into fruit with a strawberry-rhubarb cobbler feel next to plenty of vanilla, bitter cacao nibs, cherry-kissed oak, and a hint of, I want to say, Chardonnay. The savory and tart end of the fruits really kicks in late with figs and more rhubarb leading the charge towards a subtly sweet and spicy end that’s like a spicy plum pudding wrapped in a cherry tobacco leaf.
Bottom Line:
This is a delicious whiskey. I do prefer it over a single rock to help bring out all that dark fruit, but it’s perfectly fine neat.
Best Single Barrel Rye — 291 Colorado Whiskey Finished with Aspen Staves, Barrel Proof Single Barrel
291 uses a quick aging process. For this single barrel expression of rye whiskey, they added Aspen wood staves into the barrels to accelerate the aging process while adding depth to the spirit. Once those barrels hit just the right flavor profile, they were bottled as a single barrel expression with no fussing, filtering, or cutting.
“Rich caramel is braced by a medley of sweet and herbal spice. This high octane offering is built sturdy and is packed with flavor. A few drops of water tames the beast!”
Bottom Line:
291 always hits it out of the park with their single barrel program. Their single barrel bourbons are stellar — so it makes sense that this would be too.
Best World Whiskey — Single Malts of India Neidhal
This Peated Indian single malt whisky is from the famed Amrut Distillery. The juice is a special release of 12,000 bottles that highlight the “Neidhal” or coastal region and the tropical vibes of Southern India.
“This is a light and smoky peated whisky, with a cooling, inviting peat character. A big, robust nose that gets the mouth-watering, and on the palate it doesn’t disappoint.”
Bottom Line:
Coastal peated single malt is my jam. I’m looking forward to tracking this one down and diving in.
While Uncle Nearest is distilling their own juice these days, this is still the work of Master Blender Victoria Eady Butler with carefully sourced Tennessee whiskey barrels. In this case, Eady Bulter hand-selected the best-of-the-best from their inventory to create the perfect whiskey to exemplify the brand and Tennesee whiskey traditions.
Tasting Notes:
This draws you in with a piping hot fresh batch of cinnamon rolls with plenty of white sauce frosting, cinnamon and brown sugar filling, a touch of nutmeg, pecans, firewood bark, and a hint of pipe tobacco. The palate delivers on the bigger notes of the nose with pecan shells, cinnamon sticks dipped in cherry syrup, wet corn husks, old leather gloves that have worked in dirt and firewood, and mild yet spiced cherry tobacco. That mild cherry sweetness drives the mid-palate toward a hint of maple syrup that leans woody as firewood piled in black dirt rounding out the finish with an echo more of that peppery tobacco.
Bottom Line:
This is quality juice. It’s also a great example of the heights ahead for Uncle Nearest as a brand.
This blended whisky is a mash-up of corn and rye whiskies, which equate to a mash bill of 80 percent corn, 19 percent rye, and a mere one percent malted barley. Those whiskies are sourced from barrels that are between 21 and 25 years old. Once vatted, the whisky is bottled as-is with no water, filtering, or coloring.
This Carolina whiskey uses wood and spice to create its flavor profile. Oak chips and cinnamon sticks are added to the barrel during aging to create a cinnamon underbelly. The whiskey is then cut down to 85 proof with no added sugars, artificial flavors, or colors.
“Cinnamon on the nose translates to great ground cinnamon texture and taste on the palate. Full of flavor and not oversweet.”
Bottom Line:
Okay, you had me at “not oversweet.” I generally stay far away from these whiskeys due to way too much sugar usually being involved. This is intriguing. I might chase a bottle down.
The expression from Speyside’s Aberlour also uses old bourbon for its primary maturation and ex-sherry for its finishing maturation. Finally, it’s proofed down with soft Speyside water and bottled as-is.
Tasting Notes:
You’re drawn in with a note of hard butterscotch candies next to a touch of chinotto (bittersweet Italian orange), butter toffee, and the slightest wisp of peach pits. The taste builds out from that peach pit layer with a note of ripe peach flesh and fuzzy skin while jammy blackberry leads towards a soft cedar. The finish really takes its time and leaves you with a silken texture next to a honeyed sweetness and a final roundness of vanilla cream.
Bottom Line:
This is a stellar single malt. Pour it over a single rock to let it bloom and take your time enjoying this one.
Waterford is an interesting experiment in whiskey, in general. This expression utilizes the distillery’s many single-farm-origin whiskeys to create something heightened. The whiskey is a blend of those single farm whiskeys that highlight the terroir from all around Ireland, along with Waterford’s high-level skills.
Tasting Notes:
Red apple peels and rye crust open the nose before soft soil and green grass takes over. The palate is all about the butterscotch candies, with light florals, oat cookies, orange peels, and fresh mint acting as support. The mid-palate has a clove candy vibe that leads to white pepper, grapefruit peel, dark chocolate and cherry tobacco, and a final note of poppyseed cake.
Bottom Line:
This is interesting whiskey. It’s light yet deep while having a malty backbone that still feels familiar. It’s a damn nice pour, especially with a little water or a rock.
Tom Hanks won two Best Actor Oscars in a row. One of them, 1994’s Forrest Gump, he recently defended against the backlash it beat Pulp Fiction for Best Picture. But when discussing the other, 1993’s Philadelphia, with The New York Times Magazine, he had a more mixed response. He didn’t think the movie was bad. He simply thought he personally could not do it today.
In Philadelphia, Hanks played a high-ranking lawyer who is gay and who is slowly succumbing to AIDS. He has concealed both facts from the rest of his firm. When they find out, they fire him, and he sues them for wrongful dismissal, with the help of a homophobic attorney (Denzel Washington) who slowly comes to change his ways.
“Could a straight man do what I did in Philadelphia now? No, and rightly so,” Hanks told the publication. “The whole point of Philadelphia was, ‘Don’t be afraid.’ One of the reasons people weren’t afraid of that movie is that I was playing a gay man. We’re beyond that now, and I don’t think people would accept the inauthenticity of a straight guy playing a gay guy. It’s not a crime, it’s not boohoo, that someone would say we are going to demand more of a movie in the modern realm of authenticity. Do I sound like I’m preaching? I don’t mean to.”
Representation has become a major concern in Hollywood, with actors coming under fire for taking, for instance, minority roles that could go to minority performers. Scarlett Johansson, for instance, backed out of playing a trans character as recently in 2018 after public backlash, later calling her taking the role “tone deaf.”
Meanwhile, Hanks will soon hit nationwide screens in Baz Luhrmann’s epic biopic Elvis, in which Hanks once again does one of his outrageous accents.
I am not afraid to call myself the foremost global expert on boxed mac & cheese. Not like that’s some incredible thing to brag about, but still… I’m the guy. It’s me.
Here’s my reasoning:
I actually like boxed mac & cheese. A lot. I’ve had boxed mac meals that I’ll remember longer than certain middling pasta dishes in Italy.
I still eat boxed mac. Some might say too often. Probably at least five times a month. And I generally like it more than the fancier versions at restaurants where the chef has a butchery chart tattooed on his forearm.
I can place it in a very broad context. I get to taste some incredibly elevated dishes as a food writer and have traveled to 50+ countries as a travel writer. So when I talk about this dish, I’m able to reflect on it both globally and on the massive food spectrum from “mass-produced slop” to “haute cuisine” — I will now wedgie myself for typing all of that.
I care enough about the dish to brag about my authority on it. Who the hell else would do that? What a dork! But I stand by my dorky brag.
Anyway, don’t expect any expert quotes here. I’ll be relying on myself as a resource and you should be damned glad to have me. Because I have some serious thoughts about what makes a good boxed mac & cheese:
Noodles that stay al dente AF. Boxed mac is cheap. Sometimes that means that the noodles are terrible. I have no idea how much money a brand can save by ditching cheap-but-good noodles for slightly-cheaper-but-trash noodles but I guarantee that the purchasing agents at some of these brands know. And they occasionally opt for slightly-cheaper-but-trash.
Cheese that hits you in the sharp cheddar pleasure centers. Aged, sharp cheddar should have pieces of calcium lactate in it. Those “flavor crystals” ignite your salivary glands in a way that few foods can. Good mac and cheese can have a similar effect — it sounds crazy, but it’s true. That’s the goal, to hit the salivary glands like a proper sharp cheddar.
It can’t have a bunch of mess-ups in the name of cost. Remember that for a box of mac to sell at your grocer for $1.75, it has to wholesale at around $0.88. This means it probably gets made for a raw materials cost of $0.44 (grocery markups are usually 100% up and down the supply chain). The result of this cheapness is that (at least) one wrong decision is often made in the name of price.
It can’t have a bunch of mess-ups in the name of being the new, cool kids of mac. We’re in the midst of a Consumer Packaged Goods (CPG) revolution. Barriers to entry are lower than ever and brands can advertise on social media. It’s a boom that mac & cheese has very much been part of, as chefs who grew up with Kraft think “Maybe this is a category that I can improve and profit off of!” The problem is that trying to overthink boxed mac often makes it worse.
If you read all of that and you’re still interested, well, you’re in the right place. Because I bought up every dang box of mac & cheese I could find on the grocery store shelves and prepared them all to the exact specifications outlined on each respective box. Note: That means a ton of butter and milk and a generally soupy mac in many cases. In reality, I think the right preparation is probably something like Cliff Booth does it in Once Upon A Time In Hollywood— pasta water, maybe a little butter, and the cheese packet. (Add a little bulk powdered cheese and a white cheddar cube if you want to overload it.)
Holy hell, this is poison. I mean literal death. And I love Kraft. Spoiler, it ranks very highly here. And yet… yuck. Pasta is not meant to be microwaved and…
How much do I have to write? It’s gross. A slurry of mealy-yet-soggy noodles in a cheese sludge. No more explanation needed — I feel like if I go on any longer I’m going to just use the word “sludge” over and over, which is dull.
The Bottom Line:
Seriously, do not buy this under any circumstance. When the end of the world comes and we all storm 7-11 for food, take the gum first. Grab the frozen burritos. Eat cigarettes. These are not meant to enter a human body under any circumstance.
What a f*cking mess. Whatever method they used to add protein to this was the wrong one. A little packet of toasted walnuts to sprinkle on top would have been waaaayyy better. Also, how desperate are you to get 12g of protein in your body if you need your mac & cheese to deliver it? Buy some pistachios!
Okay, the taste — yeeeech. You know that line from “Rapper’s Delight” where he says “the macaroni’s soggy, the peas are mush, and the chicken tastes like wood”? No? Well, I queued it up for you.
This mac fits all three of those descriptors — soggy, mush, and tastes like wood. Yes, I cooked it right. It’s HARD to mess up noodles with gluten in them, but Annies did it!
The Bottom Line:
This mac & cheese fails the number one rule of transforming non-healthy foods into semi-healthy foods: IT STILL HAS TO TASTE GOOD.
This is wretched. Again, there have to be better ways to consume kale quickly. Like, considering the amount of actual kale, maybe… just freaking bite a piece of kale? One leaf should do it. And then eat your regular mac and cheese, y’know? Doesn’t that make more sense than dumping chlorophyll-infused cheese powder on noodles and having the whole thing look vaguely green in an off-putting way and tasting of strange health food powder made from seaweed?
Look, I often add kale to my boxed mac. All the time. Mac & cheese & kale is pretty much standard at hipster restaurants. But making the kale into a powder is the wrong call. It just doesn’t even come close to working.
The Bottom Line:
Someone should have stopped this somewhere along the way to say, “Team, this just doesn’t work — flavor-wise — so let’s go back to the drawing board.”
If we’re being honest, this should be filed under “unranked” — it’s so far outside the parameters of what we’re trying to do here. Still, I like being complete, so here goes:
From my — clearly anguished — tasting notes:
“Here I am, taking boxed macaroni & cheese incredibly seriously. A man in the middle of his career intellectualizing food that he’s been eating since he was six. And then into the mix we throw this… neon pink mac & cheese that tastes exactly like a neon red snack it’s made from. But this is meant to be a meal and is therefore far more embarrassing than even a bag of flaming hot Cheetos, which is already a relatively embarrassing snack for an adult human to eat.”
“Am I supposed to review this? How? It is precisely what it promises. There is no cheese flavor anymore, it just tastes ‘flamin’,’ which is the worst type of spice — more acrid and scalding than any sort of chili pepper flavor. To be more precise, it tastes of spice conveyed via chemicals that are not particularly fit for human consumption, with a slight overtone of instant ramen — a flavor note I have always gotten from Flamin’ Hot Cheetos products. As if there is perhaps a little bit of chicken seasoning inside the whole mix to give it a false sort of heartiness.
I could go on, but that would be futile. The packaging is truthful here and tells you what you need to know.
The Bottom Line:
These are for the person who looks at the grocery store shelf, sees Cheeto Flamin’ Hot Mac & Cheese, and says, “Yes, I want to eat that.” If you are that person, you will not be disappointed. The rest of us should stay miles away.
I’ve never eaten at a Cracker Barrel but it sounds like a place that would be absolutely overloaded with salt. So I was precisely 0.00% surprised when I discovered that this is overly salty. It does have more of true white cheddar taste than Kraft or Velveeta — which I like — but really… the flavor here is 99% just salt.
I feel like even these noodles and the box are probably made out of salt — the way Catherine Zeta-Jone’s character made trinkets out of cocaine in Traffic. It’s silky and smooth and the noodles are al dente but what reasonable human would prefer this salt bomb when there are so many options on the market?
The Bottom Line:
From my tasting notes: “Salt. Salt. Salt. Salt.” Clearly, I’m a food reviewing talent to be reckoned with.
Considering that this is a pretty straightforward entry and the straightforward entries do well in this ranking, there’s actually so much about this brand that I don’t like. The powder is sort of grainy and the cheese tastes faker than most of them. Yes, I realize that this effect could be some sort of switcheroo and that my palate is calibrated to something more fake so an un-fake product seems to taste fake but… whatever. I don’t like the cheese.
Fake or real, what cheesiness there is gets delivered with a whole lot of salt. The noodles are fine and springy in a way that I enjoy but that graininess is hard to get over upon multiple bites. It might seem small but it’s definitely something that would make me specifically avoid this brand, which is saying a fair bit in a genre where almost every product is at least “passable.”
The Bottom Line:
Eating this is like voluntarily getting sand in your teeth. Though, feel free to take that with a grain of salt… Of which this brand contains waaaaay too many.
This mac is like the “Seven-minute abs” convo from Something About Mary. The competition is doing three-cheese? We’ll do four!
But the four cheeses are the wrong ones. It’s too funky and just generally un-harmonious. It’s a nice concept but it’s not working — in part because mac & cheese really only needs one cheese: sharp cheddar. Anyway, this is odd on the palate, it’s confusing and muddled and the gorgonzola notes push it in the wrong direction.
The Bottom Line:
A mildly good idea with a specifically bad execution.
Another really interesting idea with sloppy execution. I often dice up jalapenos or serranos in my boxed mac. But powder-fying them takes away everything about the peppers that is green and bright except the color itself, which is the one part that you don’t want.
Anyway, I’m happy to see rotini getting some shine (my favorite noodle!) and they stay al dente, but the spice and cheese and color don’t quite work. Copy this with a better mac and real jalapenos and you’re in for a treat.
The Bottom Line:
Solid idea made bad because of the limits of factory-produced food.
These noodles beg to get soggy. This is wild because all the other organic noodles I’ve ever tasted in my life do a great job staying al dente. But these… well, you need to track them with a 10-digit timer to make sure you get them cooked right. I haven’t messed up noodles in decades and I messed these up.
Even if you didn’t make that mistake, the powder is too fine. Rather than clumping in a way that makes them feel extra cheesy like Kraft, this powder feels like it’s trying to polish your teeth. The cheese taste doesn’t taste chemical-y, but it doesn’t have any piquancy or sharpness either. It’s bland.
The Bottom Line:
This mac & cheese is trash. You had GLUTEN to work with! You had DAIRY! How could you possibly mess these up this bad?
The Bottom Line:
It’s so hard to get me to say “meh” about mac, but I said it here.
I guess what I have to say here is that these taste exactly like Cheetos and what I have to say about that is that Cheetos probably should not be turned into an entrée. It is a lot of Cheeto-ness, which is distinctly different from “cheesiness.” This cheese actually tastes like Cheeto dust. That tastes a lot better on a puffed corn tube than it does on rotini.
The Bottom Line:
Cheetos are the right form factor for Cheetos cheese. Not pasta.
THE LONG, UNINSPIRED MIDDLE
21. FULL CIRCLE — Cheddar (Gluten Free)
Steve Bramucci
Price:
Tasting Notes:
These are pretty “fine.” The noodles aren’t the best gluten-free entry on this list, but they’re not terrible. The cheese is a little too powdery. The flavor is just okay. Not much more to say — with such a saturated market, there’s literally no reason you can’t do better.
The Bottom Line:
This product is not offensively bad but nothing should compel you to purchase it.
All of my complaints about “sauce” mac & cheese vs. “powder” are evident here, so I might as well lay them out once, so I can re-reference them:
Liquid sauce macs always read a bit too salty to me. You get some of that classic Kraft boxed dinner taste but you also get some really strong sodium.
While I like the creaminess of fake cheese, it’s almost a bridge too far — you taste the fakeness more because the cheese is too silky.
The noodles are the wrong size. Mac & cheese should be coated with sauce (with a tight noodle that’s almost like bucatini) not filled with sauce, which happens when you use a broader noodle. It throws off the golden ratio.
The Bottom Line:
Not terrible. But I am definitely confused by people who buy this over traditional boxed Kraft boxed mac. It’s worse in literally every way.
19. WALMART GREAT VALUE — Shells & Cheese (Three Cheese)
As I was leaving on an international trip, I raced to Walmart because some cornball on OTHER SITE REDACTED who copied our blind tasting format named this brand the best. As a person who actually writes about food, I’m here to tell you — it is not. Not even particularly close. Even considering the absurdly low price.
The noodles stay al dente, which is nice, but there’s a general fakeness and cheapness that permeates every part of this product. It has some residual cardboard taste. The cheese is grainy in an offputting way. It’s mac & cheese that’s been pushed way too hard to be cheap.
The Bottom Line:
Not trash. Just too cheap — with small but noticeable flaws (to the refined palate!) that signal as much.
18. CRACKER BARREL — Sharp Cheddar Mac & Cheese Dinner
It’s not as bad as the Cracker Barrel “Pure Salt” flavor but it’s still overly salty and the silkiness is still weird and chemical-feeling to me. You’d have to really like Cracker Barrel to seek this out. Do people stan that brand hard? Hard enough to want to but this with 17 better options on the market?
The Bottom Line:
Not putrid. But still salty with an overly broad noodle and fake smoothness.
This is the first brand that truly feels like it was made for small children. It’s just so mild. So delicate on the palate.
WHAT IS THIS, MAC & CHEESE FOR ANTS?!?!?
There’s not much wrong with it in any technical sense. The noodles are fine but overall everything is just too light and the flavors are faint. The cheese doesn’t really have any punch. That’s probably because TJ’s didn’t use some cool weird chemical that’s horrible for me but nevertheless — it doesn’t taste the best.
I like Velveeta. I make sloppy joes with Velveeta singles twice or three times a year and Velveeta nachos once a year when I’m ready to indulge. But, once again, these “cheese sauce” macs are uniformly oversalted. And this is coming from someone who has lived and worked in the food industry (where we all blow our palates out with salt) and who definitely enjoys salt in the right measure.
This is the highest-ranked of the liquid cheese bunch simply because Velveeta is comfort food for me and ignites a sense memory. It’s creamy, sure, but these cheese sauce macs have a type of creaminess that hits the uncanny valley — they approximate creaminess with chemicals but the texture reads more “space-age polymers” than “tasty food I like eating.”
The Bottom Line:
The best of the “cheese sauce” macs. But that’s not saying much.
The two major problems with gluten-free pasta are 1) they don’t taste like anything gluten and 2) they don’t stay al dente. For those of us who love pasta and particularly love gluten, those are big hurdles. For what it’s worth, I think the latter is a bigger problem than the former. This pasta doesn’t taste strictly like flour-and-egg-based pasta, but it definitely stays al dente. Impressively so. And once you have the cheese mixed in, you’re really not missing much.
It’s less salty than most of its competitors and still has that sharp cheesy flavor that hits you in the back corners of your mouth. I’m declaring it right now: this is ar GF brand that can box it out with the gluten brands.
The Bottom Line:
I really like this one a lot. It’s not going to hit anyone’s number one but it’s definitely one to grab if you’re staying away from gluten. Very functional.
As I try to veer a (tiny little bit) away from consuming 13 pounds of gluten every day, I’ve gotten very into this brand. The cheese is — mysteriously — better than the non-GF version by TJs and the rice noodles definitely stay al dente. (Note: they will get soggy and start to melt together, so you have to keep them really al dente, which I don’t mind.)
There’s actually a mysterious thing that happens in that the noodles sort of… give off a rice liquid in the pot. So when they’re hot and you add butter and cheese and milk, they all congeal and the sauce is incredibly silky. It’s a weird — and welcome — feature. That said, this pasta does carry some “rice” flavor to it. It’s not going to fool you into thinking it’s regular pasta.
The Bottom Line:
A very solid gluten-free product with an incredibly silky sauce. That said, it’s definitely made with rice and you do taste that.
White cheddar is an interesting conceit in mac & cheese. Typically, white cheddar is aged longer and therefore sharper. But in this case, it means that there’s an absence of cheddar flavor and instead leans more into other white hard cheeses, like Parmesan or Asiago.
Also, while the powder is a little finer in this cheese, it actually dissolves less readily — so you can get a little bit of grainy mouthfeel. On top of that, shells aren’t really the right form for boxed mac & cheese — they take longer to cook and they can be a little stiff. Overall, this is more of an Italian dish than true ‘merican mac & cheese.
The Bottom Line:
Fine for what it is, but the white cheddar obsession in the mac & cheese market, if well-intentioned, is misguided.
Goodles is an upstart brand big on IG and co-owned by Gal Gadot and this is their “three cheese” or “white cheddar” flavor. It features two hard cheeses — asiago and parmesan. As such, it’s a very good version of the product (which has become a very established mac & cheese subcategory). So good, in fact, that it’s practically not mac & cheese. It pretty much veers into being an instant Italian meal.
(In fact, Goodles, which — spoiler — fared very well in this ranking, also has a cacio e pepe flavor that I’m not reviewing because it’s fully an Italian dish and not what American diners know as mac & cheese at all.)
All of that said, this tastes really good and wisely uses spirals. Whatever is good for us about these (that’s the conceit of Googles — like Freak Flag and other brands) isn’t something you can taste. The flavor actually is rich with hard Italian cheeses, which is — again — really tasty.
Alas, I’m a cheddar cheese loyalist when it comes to mac and cheese. If I want parmesan with noodles, I’ll make it myself.
The Bottom Line:
Great for what it is. But the product is sort of tangential to what we know as “boxed mac & cheese.”
I’m not exactly sure what market segment this is trying to fill. It tastes mostly like the regular Kraft mac & cheese, although it’s done with a shell which is kinda-fine but certainly not better. I find it endlessly fascinating that they called this “three cheese” but make absolutely no mention of what three kinds of cheese there are. Not on the box, not on the website.
These cheeses are known only as cheese one, cheese two, and cheese three. Do they think salt is a cheese? That’s my bet.
The Bottom Line:
This is fine but if you’re going with Kraft I don’t think this is any more cheesy or flavorful than the OG. Unless you are a zebra and spend your days at the salt licks of the Sahara and therefore need a little more salt in your life in order to taste something. In that case… maybe.
What’s different from this and the main Annie’s flavor? The idea that it’s aged? Shells? Are there people who really look for shells? I don’t like them as a mac & cheese form factor (have I said that yet? Should I mention it a few more times?). Part of the shell often stays overly al dente.
Besides that gripe, these are pretty solid — the cheese flavor is good and I like that they just zeroed in on cheddar.
The Bottom Line:
Solid but also pretty forgettable, especially with so many Annie’s varieties on the market.
This brand is… sort of idiotic in its marketing? It calls itself “plant-based” to mean that the noodles are gluten-free and made with some interesting veggies. Carrots, for example. But… wheat is also a plant, fam. Also, two apostrophes is too many for mac & cheese. Who does your packaging?
That said: This tastes an awful lot like Kraft while still being “healthy.” It’s the best gluten-free brand I’ve found and, as you can see, I’ve tried them all. My partner and I have probably about 10 arguments per year about how often I make mac & cheese and I feel like this is going to be the brand that helps me win the war.
There’s some slight graininess to the cheese, but this definitely doesn’t need a consolation contest to compete. The noodles still fall apart a little bit but it’s something a true Italian might notice, definitely not your kids or your drunk friends at the kicker. The cheddar taste is nice and strong and unlike Trader Joe’s GF option — which is also really good — it doesn’t taste quite so strong of its alternate products used to make the noodle.
The Bottom Line:
The best gluten-free mac & cheese on the market.
8) ANNIE’S — Mac & [EXTREME] cheese (shells & white cheddar)
You have to respect Annie‘s for taking a Kraft Macaroni & Cheese marketing scheme from the 80s, “Kraft cheese and macaroni!” — which was deemed too decadent for them — and applying it to a wholesome organic foods brand.
This is exactly the same as the other Annie’s white cheddar flavor but with more cheese. It’s EXTREME. But in lowercase, because it’s Annie’s and super polite. Jabs aside, it’s really tasty and does a better job approximating white cheddar than any other brand except Goodles.
The Bottom Line:
More cheese is, generally speaking, better. If there’s a saturation point, Annie’s hasn’t found it yet.
7) GOODLES — “Shella Good” Aged White Cheddar And Shells
As I referenced before, I think the people who make macaroni and cheese are confused about the true difference between white cheddar and orange cheddar, which is really just dye. But even on store shelves, white cheddar is usually aged more and therefore sharper; orange cheddar is more basic, for the mainstream palate.
So you would think that white cheddar flavors would have a sharper cheddar taste, right?
Wrong. Instead, they taste like hard cheeses — parm, asiago, pecorino — but the cheddary-ness is lost, This flavor, in particular, really resembles more of an Italian grana padano than it does any sort of cheddar. Still, some of the qualities that Goodles gets right are in evidence here. The noodles are high quality, as is the cheese. And the flavor balance is on point.
If I want “white cheddar” mac & cheese, I’ll order the superb Hoosier Hill Farm white cheddar powder. But if I can’t have that, this is a solid second option.
The Bottom Line:
A quality product that doesn’t seem to fully savvy what the hell white cheddar actually is.
As the person who has probably eaten the most boxes of Kraft macaroni & cheese (“Kraft Dinner” in Canada) currently alive, I can say with authority that you’d have to be a little bit insane to make this to the specifications on the box. Four tablespoons is just way too much butter for the amount of noodles and a whole cup of milk turns it into soup. I would go with about two tablespoons of butter and no milk or just a capful — that gives you the cheesiness that hits you in the back of your taste buds. If you’re going to use the specified level of butter, find a non-salted butter because again this becomes too much salt.
What works here is the cheesiness. It’s sharp and distinct and its own flavor. Whereas the powder from many brands in the field tastes dusty or grainy, this cheese clumps a little, which is actually good. It’s sort of like how we don’t notice pepper in our food but if we forgot to wash our spinach right, we’d notice the grain of the residual dirt no matter how many other ingredients were added (obviously this has happened to me). The fineness of the grain matters. Not sure if that all makes sense but the way this powder can clump if not mixed is really tasty to me.
As for the noodles, they are fine but warning — they go from al dente to soggy fast. I boil these for about five minutes. Eight, which the box recommends, sounds literally terrifying but I am aware that this is a food mostly consumed by kids.
The Bottom Line:
Incredible cheesiness and the recipe that defined the genre, but to experience it at its best you should modify it from the instructions on the box.
Kraft was stupid to ditch its extra cheese plan from the “Kraft CHEESE and macaroni”-era. Cheese tastes good and more cheese tastes better. Considering that most of these cheese products are made out of whey protein and dried milk solid, it’s not exactly like they increase the calories a ton. The noodles are al dente and there’s a taste of sharp cheddar and the sort of overload of cheese that you want from a totally indulgent boxed product meant to hit some comfort notes.
The Bottom Line:
These are great. Macaroni instead of shells would have been even better.
4) BACK TO NATURE — Organic Crazy Bugs Macaroni & Cheese Dinner
This brand seems to have some serious distribution problems. That’s a shame because it’s incredibly tasty. The website boasts a mac version of this product but I’ve never seen it and even this one I had to get online. Maybe the brand is defunct? Or were they part of some mysterious class-action lawsuit that also killed the very similar tasting Kraft Organic? (The now defunct Kraft Organic — like Back to Nature — paired organic noodles with non-organic cheese, which seems to present a tricky marketing conundrum.)
Anyyyyway, this is really good. Those shapes hold cheese beautifully and stay al dente nicely. They even have some true Italian spring to them. And the cheese is excellent product that isn’t powdery and has some bite.
I had a real Kraft Spirals phase when I was about ten. Whereas I think shells are the wrong form for powdered cheese, spirals work great. The noodles are better at staying al dente and the cheese is classic Kraft — it’s comfort food for kids who grew up in the ’80s.
From my tasting notes after 20-some boxes: “I have a feeling this is going to be ranked pretty high — it’s not as good as that mythical Kraft Organic that disappeared from stores, but it’s pretty close.”
The Bottom Line:
This beats the OG Kraft simply because there’s more margin for error when cooking the noodles.
As we’ve seen, Annie’s has way too many flavors. That said, the OGs are fantastic. I sort of hate to say that something is “better than the Kraft” — I have a lot of loyalty there! — but… this is better. The macaroni stays al dente longer and the flavor is not quite as salty. It actually has more calories but less sodium than Kraft, which is more or less in line with what I expected from the taste.
As hinted at above, there was a time when Kraft had an organic noodle paired with non-organic cheese but they didn’t clarify that on the box and the product probably got them in some trouble before disappearing altogether. For years, I could get it from Canada on Amazon and then for a while on eBay. Now it’s gone — everywhere. Anyway, that was the best mac & cheese I’d tasted for decades. It would’ve done really well in this ranking.
This is reasonable facsimile of that. It’s like Kraft but slightly less artificial in ways that won’t bother someone who is fine with artificial stuff but will please someone looking for something more natural.
The Bottom Line:
Silky and cheesy and al dente and a little bit sharp — this is a sterling product and I’d happily give it #1, if I hadn’t found…
Our winner shocked me for a whole bunch of reasons. Not the least of which is that they apparently use the same iridescent food packet supplier as the guy I get my psilocybin gummies from. More to the point, every other mac on this list that has tried to “sneak” healthiness into the dish has failed miserably. Those are some of the lowest-ranked boxes, and then here we are with a “healthy mac” at number one. What a world!
To be clear, the reason I usually hate foods that sneak vitamins in is not that I don’t like vitamins. In fact, sneaking vitamins into beloved foods is one of my own favorite cooking tricks. The problem is that with CPG foods, it’s done so clumsily that you taste the healthy stuff and the food almost separately, as if someone crumbled a multivitamin over French fries or ground up a fiber caplet on top of a nacho. But somehow it works here! The noodles taste ever so slightly of chlorophyll — because they have broccoli and kale snuck into them (way smarter than putting it in the powder) — but it’s not overly noticeable. It’s more like if someone boiled some spinach and kale in the same water they used to boil the noodles. I could care less about how healthy they are (I can’t imagine they’re all that good for you) but that added flavor layer actually works.
The cheese powder is incredibly cheesy. Like Kraft cheesy. Hit’s you hard on the sides of your tongue and not overly powdery. The noodles stay al dente. I could go on but I don’t have to, beyond saying this with complete certainty…
The Bottom Line:
This is the best boxed macaroni and cheese on the market right now. Period. End of discussion. Trust me.
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| solo travel (@emilyventures)
