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The inexplicably popular Fox News program Gutfeld! has a bit where a monkey doctor named Dr. Monkey gives press conference to clear up misconceptions, like how CDC doesn’t stand for “Container of Dead Chimps” and that “moneypox” is an offensive term.

We live in a society.

I bring up Dr. Monkey not because I’m suggesting that you watch the videos (“Stop the Planet of the Apes. I Want to Get Off!” is much better monkey-based entertainment), but because trying to make sense of right-wing comedy is a losing battle.

Take Lauren Boebert, for instance. When she’s not threatening lawsuits, she’s telling the same fart joke she’s told multiple times. Actually, make that “FART” joke, as in the Floor Action Response Team. The acronym dates back to at least December 2021, when the alleged former-escort was speaking to her rootin’ tootin’ far-right supporters.

“How many of you know that there is substantial legislation that passes the house of representatives without a single member ever voting on it? How many of you know that that happens? It’s unanimous consent, and they try to pass it really quickly — unless there is someone there to object, a whole slew of bills will pass by unanimous consent. And so we have members who monitor the floor. Now listen carefully, we’re called the Floor Action Response Team. Very congressional, right?” she said to scattered applause and muted laughs, adding, “We make things really smelly for them.”

Boebert recently tried again with basically the same joke:

This time, the kicker is, “We like to stink things up in there.” And in that video.

(Via Patriot Takes)

Tom Cruise is, in a word, intense. So it’s no surprise that basically any story coming from the set of Top Gun: Maverick has framed the enigmatic actor as laser-focused and maybe, uh, a little weird.

The latest story comes from Maverick co-star Miles Teller, who appeared on Late Night With Seth Meyers on Wednesday night. As was well-documented, Cruise had very specific guidelines for the filming of Top Gun and insisted that actors got in the cockpits themselves to make movie magic happen. But for Teller, that resulted in him getting very sick.

As he detailed to Meyers, Teller actually broke out in hives and went to see doctors after falling ill during filming of the long-awaited sequel to the 1986 military propaganda classic.

“I’m just like, ‘I’m not feeling too good,’” Teller said on Wednesday. “And I was really hot and I just started itching like crazy. So I get out of the jet, and I’m just covered in hives, like, head to toe.”

Doctors took a look at Teller, and even got his blood tested. Which is when they realized he was having an allergic reaction to the jet fuel powering the multi-million dollar planes.

“My bloodwork comes back,” Teller said. “And I have flame-retardant, pesticides, and jet fuel in my blood.” Teller said. Thankfully production didn’t suffer too much, as Teller got treatment and was allowed to return to filming. And when he got back to set and told Cruise about his illness, well, he didn’t get much sympathy from the original film’s star.

“I go to set the next day, and Tom’s like, ‘So, how did it go, Miles what did they find?’” Teller said. “I was like, ‘Well, Tom: it turns out I have jet fuel in my blood.’ And without even skipping a beat, Tom just goes, ‘Yeah, I was born with it, kid.’”

It’s a pretty great line from Cruise, who I’m sure was actually worried about his film’s co-star falling ill, at least for a little bit. But it certainly adds to the lore of the film, and is yet another example of just how weirdly intense Cruise can be when it comes to stunts, fast cars and even faster airplanes.

Adam Sandler‘s acting career stretches all the way back to the ’80s (Remember when he was Theo’s friend on The Cosby Show?) but the actor/comedian will never forget his biggest break and the “coolest night” of his life: Appearing in his first episode on Saturday Night Live. While promoting his new Netflix movie, Hustle, Sandler stopped by IMDb where he fielded questions about the early days of his career and revealed how Tom Hanks played a major part in his SNL debut.

“First time I appeared on screen, I think it was Tom Hanks,” Sandler said and received a “Ding!” for getting the answer right. “Yes! I remember gasping for air, that I was so scared, and that I was going to faint. And I remember loving Edie Brickell that night. Man, that was just probably the coolest night of my life with just saying, “It’s official, I’m on Saturday Night Live.” Because I was on air.”

Sandler was also tested on the box office receipts for his classic ’90s comedy as well as the first time he performed one of his songs on SNL. He didn’t exactly nail that last one though. Via IMDb:

Which was the first of your films to reach $100 million at the box office?
Waterboy. [DING] I remember The Wedding Singer for like eighty. And then we were like, we got to get in a hundred, man. That’s be fun. We got the phone call. We had a big opening. We did like forty million and we were like, what? Jumping up and down, cranking songs, laughing, and having a good time. I had a very loose night that night…

What was your first song credit on “SNL”?
The first song, was it the Turkey Song? Thanksgiving Song? [BUZZER] Red hooded sweatshirt? [BUZZER] Jason Priestley was a great guy, great guy on that show. I think all of us sang. I don’t really remember how it goes, though.

Sandler was also asked how many movie credits he shares with Rob Schneider, which is honestly, a tough one. Although, Sandler did offer a pretty believable answer. “I would say two hundred.” (It’s actually 23, but 200 didn’t sound too far off, did it?)

(Via IMDb)

After years of speculation as to when she might finally hang it up, Seattle Storm point guard Sue Bird announced on social media on Thursday that the 2022 season will be her last in the WNBA.

Bird, who is 41, is in her 19th season and has been one of women’s basketball’s pioneering players dating all the way back to her days at the University of Connecticut in the late 1990s. In a post on Twitter and Instagram, Bird wrote “I have loved every single minute, and still do, so gonna play my last year, just like this little girl played her first.”

Few have achieved as much in a basketball career as Bird. She is a two-time NCAA champion, a four-time WNBA champion, and has five Olympic gold medals, as she along with her close friend Diana Taurasi set the record for most golds by one basketball player in the history of the Olympic Games.

Throughout her time in basketball, Bird has played with Hall of Famers that span the history of the women’s game, from Taurasi, Ashja Jones and Swin Cash at UConn to Lauren Jackson, Jewell Loyd and Breanna Stewart in Seattle. It’s no exaggeration to say Bird played next to just about every great Team USA women’s basketball great over the past two decades.

Bird will retire No. 1 in WNBA history in career games and minutes played, No. 1 in total assists, top 10 in points scored, and top five in total steals.

In recent years, as Bird has neared the end of her illustrious career and questions about her career multiplied, Bird has often made a point of noting that her time as a high-schooler coincided with the creation of the WNBA. As a young athlete, Bird didn’t really know what her future could be in women’s basketball. As she got older and gained notoriety out of Syosset, New York, an hour or two outside of Manhattan, Bird began to set her sights on a professional career. Once she got to the W, she realized the possibilities of the burgeoning lead to the absolute fullest.

Off the court, Bird has been a key part of the WNBA players’ union, an outspoken advocate for the LGBTQ+ community alongside her girlfriend Megan Rapinoe, and a key voice in the league’s push for progressive leadership in the U.S. government and beyond. When she entered the WNBA, it was unclear whether the league would survive and what it would mean to be a professional women’s basketball player in the U.S. And while players continue to push for higher salaries, equitable treatment in their workplace, and a greater voice in this country’s sports ecosystem, Bird helped drive the league to the impressive status it has today by using her platform to amplify the work of her colleagues — and take on causes of her own.

It’s no surprise, then, that Bird would strike a nostalgic, joyful tone as she finishes that prolific career. This final year will be about having fun, relishing the small, competitive moments that she has seemingly always cherished. What’s left for her to achieve on the court? Nothing.

Do you have 11 spare seconds to terrify yourself today? Don’t Worry Darling is over three months away from its release date, but it has somehow been the film of the year for… years. That’s probably because of its hot (visually and professionally) cast including Harry Styles, Florence Pugh, bearded king Chris Pine, Gemma Chan, and Olivia Wilde, who is also the director. All posters and trailers so far have delivered an enticing premise, but also kept the story very under wraps. The trailer teased some steamy sex scenes as well as a utopia horror vibe that’s reminiscent of The Stepford Wives.

On Thursday, June 16, Wilde shared an ominous teaser consisting of the most unsettling 11 seconds I have seen in some time. “Welcome to Victory. Only in theaters. 9 • 23 • 22 #dontworrydarling,” Wilde wrote in the caption. The teaser depicts a picture-perfect Palm Springs home. A plane is falling in a clear sky while a romantic but creepy song is playing (the same song featured in the trailer). The video goes out of focus and flips upside down a couple of times. I would go into more detail but I honestly don’t want to watch it again.

Don’t Worry Darling, which was written by Katie Silberman based on a story by Silberman and Carey Van Dyke & Shane Van Dyke, opens on September 23.

Here’s the film’s official plot synopsis:

While the husbands spend every day inside the Victory Project Headquarters, working on the “development of progressive materials,” their wives, including Frank’s elegant partner, Shelley, get to spend their time enjoying the beauty, luxury and debauchery of their community. Life is perfect, with every resident’s needs met by the company. All they ask in return is discretion and unquestioning commitment to the Victory cause.

But when cracks in their idyllic life begin to appear, exposing flashes of something much more sinister lurking beneath the attractive façade, Alice can’t help questioning exactly what they’re doing in Victory, and why. Just how much is Alice willing to lose to expose what’s really going on in this paradise?

Conan Gray is set to release his sophomore album Superache next week, following his 2020 debut Kid Krow. The “Heather” singer has just announced that he’ll be bringing those songs to fans on a worldwide tour.

The trek will kick off in Louisville, Kentucky in September and end in Melbourne, Australia in November. Tickets will go on sale next Friday, the day of the album release.

Check out the full list of Gray’s upcoming tour dates below.

09/16 — Louisville, KY @ The Louisville Palace Theater
09/17 — Atlanta, GA @ Music Midtown
09/18 — St. Augustine, FL @ The Saint Augustine Amphitheatre
09/20 — Orlando, FL @ House of Blues Orlando
09/22 — Pittsburgh, PA @ UPMC Event Center
09/24 — Cleveland, OH @ Jacobs Pavilion at Nautica
09/25 — Dover, DE @ Firefly
09/28 — Chicago, IL @ Huntington Bank Pavilion at Northerly Island
09/30 — Columbus, OH @ KEMBA Live!
10/10 — Bloomington, IN @ Indiana University Auditorium
10/03 — Chesterfield, MO @ The Factory
10/05 — Oklahoma City, OK @ The Criterion
10/08 — Austin, TX @ Austin City Limits
10/09 — El Paso, TX @ The Plaza Theatre – Kendall Kidd Performance Hall
10/14 — Austin, TX @ Austin City Limits
10/17 — Salt Lake City, UT @ The Union
10/19 — Los Angeles, CA @ Greek Theatre
10/22 — San Diego, CA @ SOMA
10/25 — Las Vegas, NV @ Brooklyn Bowl
11/13 — Auckland, NZ @ Spark Arena
11/15 — Brisbane, AU @ Fortitude Music Hall
11/18 — Sydney, AU @ Hordern Pavilion
11/19 — Melbourne, AU @ Margaret Court Arena

Superache is out 6/24 via Republic Records. Pre-order it here.

The man with the best rap voice in the business, Meechy Darko of Flatbush Zombies, has announced his solo debut album, Gothic Luxury, is coming on August 26. He launches the first salvo today with the release of the intense, trippy video for the defiant lead single, “Kill Us All.” Over a suitably menacing backdrop, Meechy ruminates on America’s seemingly endless campaign of terror of Black American citizens, from derailing the Black Panther movement of the 1960s to the media framing Blaming people as inherently violent. He isn’t saying much we don’t know but the passion behind his bars makes them all the more poignant.

Gothic Luxury is executive produced by Dot Da Genius and was recorded in the wake of Meechy’s father being killed by Miami police in 2020. “I had no choice but to make this the most personal thing I’ve ever done because fortunately or unfortunately, I’m in an extremely soul-stirring part of my life right now,” Meechy explained in a statement. “Who I was yesterday may not be who I am tomorrow. I’m not who I was last week. There’s no telling who I’ll be next year or the year after, so it’s very important to capture this while I can still feel.”

Meechy is the second member of Flatbush to announce a solo album after Erick The Architect. We’re waiting on you, Juice!

Watch the “Kill Us All” video above and pre-save Gothic Luxury, out 8/26 via Loma Vista Recordings, here.

Ambulance is a blast. That’s the first thing we need to establish. The movie is classic Michael Bay, all the way through, frenetic action piled on top of frenetic action, starting immediately and not ending until the credits, with beautiful people doing ridiculous and/or dramatic things and people shouting and shooting and speeding, occasionally captured on a camera that is below them and spinning around to make them look like a statue of a Greek god. It’s so much fun. It’s basically like Speed but if we replaced the speeding bus with a speeding emergency vehicle that the crazed villain was actually inside as it barreled through Los Angeles. This is, to be clear, very good storytelling.

It also gets me to the thing about the crazed villain. Specifically, it gets me to Jake Gyllenhaal as the crazed villain. Jake Gyllenhaal is… he is just so freaking good in Ambulance. Not “good” like “win an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor” good, because that’s a different thing entirely. It’s more like “good” as in “understood exactly what this movie was and needed from him and gave it exactly that, wild eyes and shooting a gun at helicopters while leaning out the window of a stolen ambulance and all of it.” It is my position that this kind of performance is as challenging and important as the other ones. There should be a specific award just for that.

Examples will help. Buddy, do I ever have examples. Here’s one from the beginning of the movie where his character, Danny, a criminal and bank robber who also supervises a warehouse full of high-end cars and sometimes plastic flamingos for some reason, explains that the multimillion-dollar bank robbery he is roping his adopted brother (Yahya Abdul-Mateen) into is actually, in a way, a favor and/or act of charity.

Look at his eyes. Look at his entire face. He is telling us everything we need to know about this character right here, in one line, with one delivery. He’s a madman. It’s the closest thing to a late 1990s Nicolas Cage performance, which feels right, given that Michael Bay also directed Nicolas Cage in The Rock. Jake Gyllenhaal doesn’t need to do this. We’ve seen him do smaller roles, more dramatic and nuanced roles. He has those arrows in his quiver. He’s doing this for us. For us to enjoy this movie. He is, in a way, giving us the world, too.

This isn’t even the most crazed look he gives in the movie. It might not even be in the top three. We can differ on the exact order of them as long as we can agree this one is at the top.

Three things are worth noting here:

• EYES
• EYES
• EYES

He knows he looks crazy here. He knows he looks silly. Jake Gyllenhaal is a smart man. He also knows that throwing himself into all of this lunacy will make the even wilder stuff later in the movie feel more real. You hear so much about actors playing roles where they depict a disability or someone with a difficult personality. You rarely hear about actors who are willing to let themselves look this silly to sell a performance. I would argue this is at least impressive as the first thing. Maybe more, just because of the potential for embarrassment.

I am being serious here. Look…

See, this is what I’m talking about. You need those kinds of manic-eyes scenes early on to really drive home a scene like this. A scene where, to make sure we’re all on the same page here, he is dangling an EMT out of the back of a speeding ambulance that is carrying a police officer who is dying of a bullet wound, while a) holding an automatic weapon in his other hand, and b) being chased by half of the LAPD.

This is some primo villainous stuff here. This is Face/Off levels of deranged. I half-expected five white doves to fly out of the ambulance while it was happening, as though they’d been in a container in the back of it for never-specified medical reasons. I know I already made the Nicolas Cage parallel once, but Jake Gyllenhaal is going full Castor Troy in this scene. I have no higher compliment to give.

And it’s not even my favorite thing he does in the movie. That honor goes to these next two pieces of dialogue, both delivered screaming and furious and self-righteous, both objectively hilarious given the context of the movie, which, again, is about a bank robbery going sideways and two of the robbers leading police on a high-speed chase through Los Angeles in an ambulance that contains a wounded cop and the most attractive EMT in the entire world.

Look at a master at work.

I kind of don’t even want to lay out the context here. I kind of want to let these two screencaps stand on their own as little pieces of art. But I think I need to. Hmm. Let’s do this:

• The first thing was said while screaming down a highway and was about an unrelated shipment of plastic flamingos, all of which was so unnecessary and perfect
• The second thing happened after the EMT (Eiza Gonzalez) sprayed him with a fire extinguisher to try to escape and I really insist you watch or rewatch this movie very soon just to hear Jake Gyllenhaal’s delivery of “IT’S CASHMERE”

At other points in the movie, he compared their vehicle to a shark and a locomotive, both times because “we don’t stop,” and if you think I don’t now want to see a movie where Jake Gyllenhaal plays the conductor of a train that is shaped like a shark, you are sorely, deeply mistaken. Madness. Beautiful madness.

This is a little thing but I love it. You know how I said this movie is a lot like Speed, what with the breakneck pacing and the racing through Los Angeles and all of it? Well, there’s another similarity here, too. You see how Jake Gyllenhaal is holding the phone here? Using his opposite arm to reach across his face and hold it up to the ear on the other side of his head? That’s… weird. People don’t talk on the phone like that. In fact, there’s only been one other time I’ve seen someone hold a phone that way…

Do I think Jake Gyllenhaal did this on purpose? Do I think he held the phone like this as a deliberate homage to Dennis Hopper’s character in Speed, another madman responsible for a runaway vehicle that is funded with taxpayers’ money?

I…

I don’t know.

I really don’t.

But I want this to be the case very badly, to the point that if you ever hear Jake Gyllenhaal definitively state that he was not doing this, just, like, don’t tell me. Let me have this one. It’s too fun to ruin with the truth.

Let’s go ahead and close things out with this.

I share this GIF here for two equally important reasons:

• I mentioned way back at the beginning of this that there’s a scene where Jake Gyllenhaal leans out the window of a speeding ambulance to fire an automatic weapon at two low-flying helicopters and I didn’t want you to think I was kidding
• If we can’t figure out a way to give people a prestigious award for doing exactly this kind of thing, and for building a performance that makes it a believable thing for their character to do in the moment, then… I mean, what are any of us doing?

Please fix this. Please recognize greatness. Please recognize that Jake Gyllenhaal did something special here. It’s time.

The teen-idol-to-A24-star pipeline is strong these days and getting stronger with the addition of former Disney Channel royalty-turned-Netflix star Zac Efron. Efron is set to star in a sports new drama from writer-director Sean Durkin.

Deadline reports that The Iron Claw will follow the infamous Von Erich family, a dynasty of pro-wrestlers who gained popularity in the 1970s and 80s, with a tragic backstory that some believe is actually a curse. Efron’s casting details are still unknown, but he will likely play one of the six sons in the family, who each have their own haunting story. The movie will follow the family from the 1960s to present day.

Efron is on a roll lately, recently starring in an adaptation of Stephen King’s Firestarter, as well as his charming Netflix travel show, Down To Earth. Next up, the High School Musical star will reunite with former co-star Nicole Kidman and Joey King for a romantic comedy also heading to Netflix. A lot has been going on since he graduated from East High School!

A24 will produce The Iron Claw, which will be written and directed by Durkin. Durkin is known for his slightly disturbing yet beautiful films, including Martha Marcy May Marlene starring everybody’s favorite avenger, Elizabeth Olsen, and The Nest with Jude Law.

(Via Deadline)

After sending tens of thousands of Russians and allied forces to their deaths to fight against Ukraine, Vladimir Putin seems to be preparing for his own demise—or at least that’s the way it looks, literally. The Russian president has never made a secret of the fact that he thinks he’s pretty hot stuff, as countless shirtless photos of him indicate. War or no war, the murderous dictator seems intent on keeping his youthful glow (!?!) by having so much Botox injected into his body that he looks downright corpse-like.

While Putin is always surrounded by a small team of doctors, Michael Clarke, a visiting professor in the department of war studies at King’s College London, told Metro that there’s “no convincing evidence” that there’s anything actually wrong with Vlad. The man just really loves his fillers. “I always say that he is trying to embalm himself while he’s still alive,” Clarke said, noting that “he does take a lot of Botox.”

“There’s known to be a little team of doctors who are never far away, and it’s said that he leaves meetings at frequent intervals to go and consult with somebody,” Clarke added. “I suspect that he’s only a hypochondriac, to be honest.” Or maybe he’s just a fan of The Real Housewives?

Whatever the case, Putin—who will turn 70 years old in October—seems eerily obsessed with maintaining his vim and vigor. In the past, he has been known to consume and bathe in the blood of Siberian red deer, which some whackos believe stops the aging process. As for why he’s reportedly pooping in a suitcase now? Your guess is as good as ours. But it’s only a matter of time before someone slips up and calls him President Poopin.

(Via Metro)