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The NBA may be winding up its 75th season soon, but basketball never stops. Summer hoops are an annual tradition, with the AAU season and summer pro-am leagues and tournaments kicking off even now (come on down to LA’s Drew League, where some of the best players in the world compete in the longest-running pro-am in America). A new name is about to join that illustrious collective, and it’s one that already has a longstanding tradition of its own of combining hip-hop and hoops: J. Cole’s Dreamville.

Dreamville is partnering with Wilson Sporting Goods Co. to announce the Dreamville Chi-League, a four-week tournament running throughout the month of August at the University of Illinois Chicago. The league will be co-sponsored by Gatorade and will pit eight teams of pro players, from NBA stars to overseas standouts, and local legends against each other for summer hoops glory. There will be men’s and women’s divisions, too, giving an equal opportunity to shine to all.

Wilson will be dropping limited-edition Dreamville products throughout August while hosting youth basketball clinics alongside the YMCA. Former NBA star Antoine Walker, who coached in a springtime iteration of the tournament, said in a statement, “Last season was the best pro-am I’ve been a part of, and I couldn’t be more excited to see what’s in store for this season. The history of this league is something to be celebrated and I’m proud to see its continued success.”

It remains to be seen whether Cole himself will lace up to participate in the league after playing out his contract for the Canadian Elite Basketball League’s Scarborough Shooting Stars, but it wouldn’t be a surprise, given how much he loves to play. I guess the only way to find out is to show up! You can find more information at dreamvillechileague.com.

Face/Off, much like Con Air, is one of those movies that is impossible to turn off whenever you stumble upon it while searching for something to watch. While both movies star Nicolas Cage and contain classic Cage quotes (see: “Put the bunny back in the box”), watching Cage give one of his most unhinged performances (which is saying a lot) while John Travolta attempts to do his best Cage impersonation gives Face/Off the edge in the guilty pleasure department. So it’s hardly surprising that director Adam Wingard, who is currently working on Face/Off 2, is dying to have Cage return for the movie’s sequel.

In a new interview with Empire, Wingard shared that he and regular collaborator Simon Barrett are still finishing the script for the highly anticipated sequel. And as they tried to figure out how to best make it work, they determined that “an absolute sequel” was the way to go—meaning bringing back all the key players, including Cage, despite the fact that—SPOILER!—he died in the first movie. But when has a little thing like a character no longer breathing ever stopped a truly determined filmmaker?

“He’s just having such a moment,” Wingard told Empire of Cage’s current big-screen cachet. “Even before Pig came out, we saw this as a Nicolas Cage movie. That’s become totally the obvious way to go now. A couple of years ago, the studio maybe would have wanted a hot, young, up-and-coming actor or something. Now, Nicolas Cage is one of the hottest actors in Hollywood again.”

“Devising a belated sequel to one of the most beloved, ridiculously-plotted movies ever, starring one of Hollywood’s most eccentric and prolific leading men, isn’t an easy task,” Sophie Butcher wrote for Empire. “But Wingard is confident that he and Barrett are ‘the perfect team’ for the job.”

Wingard, who previously directed The Guest and Godzilla vs. Kong, admits that Face/Off 2 “has been probably the most challenging script we’ve ever worked on, for a lot of reasons. There’s so much pressure in wanting to make sure that it lives up to the legacy of that project. But every draft you have these things that just click in, and you’re like, ‘A-ha! That’s really what Face/Off is!’”

Cage has not officially signed on for the sequel, as the script is not yet ready. But Wingard says it will be in the Oscar winner’s hot little hands before long. “We’re really honing in on it,” Wingard said. “We’re not going to share it until everybody’s like, ‘This is the one.’”

(Via Empire)

Reasonable arguments can be made by reasonable people that my two favorite things in the entire universe are the game of basketball and the collected films of the Fast & Furious franchise. This might seem odd to you. It might seem unhealthy. I can understand that. I can even accept it. But, like, Ludacris and Tyrese went to outer space in a NoS-powered Pontiac, you know? I’m helpless in the face of that kind of cinematic spectacle. I feel okay about it.

And so, what I am going to do here, for a number of very good reasons that I don’t have to explain to any of you, is rank most of the major characters in the franchise based on how good at basketball I think they are or might be. That’s all. There’s nothing else happening here. Please read this paragraph again to be sure you know what you’re getting into.

A few preliminary notes:

• I am kind of an idiot
• This is my list
• Make your own stupid list if you’re so great

Away we go.

26. Queenie Shaw

I think it’s really cool that these silly car-racing movies just up and added freaking Dame Helen Mirren something like 15-20 years after the first one debuted and I think it is extremely cool that they let her drive a car in F9 after she basically shamed them into it in the press while promoting Fate of the Furious.

But sadly for Mirren, Fast 8 won’t feature her behind the steering wheel. “I wanted to be driving, but unfortunately, I’m not,” she says, shrugging. “Maybe that will come in the future, in Fast and Furious 12.” She pauses. “I’m probably one of the few people on the set who know how to drive a gear shift car. I doubt the Rock knows,” she jokes. “But I do. I know how to double declutch.”

That said, I cannot see any situation where a character played by Helen Mirren is good at basketball. I say this with nothing but admiration and respect. Also, I kind of wanted to write about her first. So, there we are.

25. Mia Toretto

Hmm. Nope. Can’t see it.

24. Owen Shaw
23. Deckard Shaw

This might be unfair. The Shaw brothers are criminal masterminds and appear to be reasonably athletic. At the very least, one could assume they would know how to cheat their way to success on a basketball court. But my ranking of them reflects three important factors:

• I feel like they would have grown up playing soccer
• I cannot for the life of me picture Jason Statham shooting a basketball
• It’s pretty funny to me to put them below, like, Roman

So that’s settled.

22. Tego
21. Rico

These are the guys played by Tego Calderon and Don Omar who show up and bicker and fight like children. I love them very much. Part of me wants them to get their own spinoff television series. Maybe an animated one. I would watch it while eating cereal.

They are not good at basketball.

20. Sean Boswell
19. Elena Neves

Sean (the main character of Tokyo Drift who was looped into the main cast for F9) and Elena (the cop from Fast Five who popped up here and there, sometimes with blonder hair) both strike me as limited players. Like, I suspect Sean can shoot but has no lateral quickness and can’t play defense. Elena, on the other hand, strikes me as a scrappy on-ball defender with a limited game on offense.

If you could combine them, you would have a solid player. Which is a fair note to make because we absolutely cannot rule out these movies introducing some sort of science machine that mashes characters together to create superpowered eight-limbed crime fighters. You know I’m right.

18. Roman Pearce

Picture this…

A pickup basketball game on an outdoor court. Roman is talking trash. So much trash. He made one jump shot 20 minutes ago and is still reminding people about it. But then someone makes a move and comes flying down the lane. And Roman doesn’t see him. And just as Roman turns around BLAMMO he gets dunked on something vicious. Then he whines a lot. And goes home.

This happens every time.

17. Giselle Yashar

Ranked ahead of Roman for three important reasons:

• I believe in Gal Gadot
• I could see her as a kind of stretch-four who makes threes and blocks shots
• I believe, based on nothing but vibes, that she could execute a decent Eurostep

Moving on.

16. Dominic Toretto
15. Luke Hobbs

Am I putting these two together just to use that picture? Maybe. Do I think it’s extremely funny to slot The Rock in one spot ahead of Vin Diesel? I do. Would I pay something like $100 for a video of the two of them playing a game of one-on-one in an otherwise empty gymnasium? Yes. I’ll go higher if I have to.

Dominic Toretto was the toughest ranking on the board for me. By far. On one hand, I do not believe Vin Diesel can play basketball, not at all, not even a little. On the other hand, I know for certain that if a basketball scene gets written into one of these movies, he will, in defiance of all logic and good sense, rain threes on his opponents and maybe catch an alley-oop and dunk it with such force that it shatters the backboard. Even if the backboard is metal.

Vin Diesel is a fascinating man.

14. Ramsey
13. Monica Fuentes
12. Twinkie

Let’s knock these out quick:

• Ramsey (Nathalie Emmanuel) is a nerdy hacker who has probably never played basketball but I’m ranking her this high because I feel like she could pick it up fast
• Monica (Eva Mendes) definitely played point guard in high school and led her team into the second round of state playoffs
• Twinkie (Bow Wow) should not be ranked this high, probably, but I’ve seen Like Mike and that’s clouding my judgment so here we are

I somehow stand by all of this and none of it.

11. Letty Ortiz

Huge Draymond Green vibes from Letty. Like, she puts up horrible stats. Averages of like 7 points, 8 rebounds, 6 assists every game, but her +/- is somehow a +34. Strong defense. Takes no crap from anyone. Might cheat a little when the ref isn’t looking. Makes everyone else on the court better by a factor of three.

Just a winner.

10. Johnny Tran

Johnny Tran, the villain in the first movie something like 20 years ago now, absolutely grew up watching bootleg copies of the And 1 Mixtape VHS tapes and spent hours practicing Hot Sauce’s moves in his driveway.

You will never convince me otherwise.

9. Hattie Shaw
8. Brixton Lore

Two characters from Hobbs and Shaw. Both British. Both ranked higher than you’d expect them to be given my rankings of the other members of the Shaw family and my stance that they probably grew up watching soccer instead of basketball. All that said, I have them in my top ten for two reasons:

• Brixton (Idris Elba) was literally fueled with some sort of glowing cyber things that made him a little superhuman, and I bet he could do a lot of sick dunks
• I think it would be funny if Hattie (Vanessa Kirby) could just destroy both of her brothers at basketball

Not up for debate.

7. Han Lue

Han, dribbling at the top of the key with one hand while holding a bag of Flamin Hot Cheetos in the other, does a casual little left-right faint with his upper body to get his defender off-balance, dribbles twice to his right, and then pulls up off his left leg for a running right-handed floater that slips through the basket so smoothly that it barely moves the net.

He admires it briefly and then pops another Cheeto into his mouth.

6. Jakob Toretto
5. D.K.

Jakob Toretto is played by John Cena and is Dominic Toretto’s evil secret brother, which is something that’s a lot of fun to type and say to people. I know because I do it a lot. I like to picture him playing basketball alone in his driveway as a teen in the late-’90s, listening to Eminem and wearing nylon shorts that are so huge he can’t dribble between his legs without getting the ball stuck in the fabric.

D.K., the villain from Tokyo Drift, can dunk, and nothing you can possibly say will change my stance on this.

4. Mr. Nobody

Mr. Nobody is played by Kurt Russell and is older than everyone on this list other than Helen Mirren’s character, who I ranked in last place. Still. We know so little about him. He’s mysterious and appears to be good at a lot of things and I would not be entirely surprised if he called everyone in one day and was just casually shooting hoops while explaining a situation to them and made like 46 straight free throws during his speech.

Kind of the opposite of this scene from Bad Boys.

Hmm. It’s almost like I did all of this just so I could post that scene in here. Again. Almost like it’s my favorite scene in any movie ever. Almost like I occasionally mumble “ You’re him, I don’t wanna hear it, you’re him. And you, you’re you, you be you, but not in front of her. You’re him, you’re you” to no one while heating up leftovers in the microwave.

Almost.

3. Cipher

I would not be surprised even a little if the next movie in this deranged franchise opens with her spinning a basketball on her finger while laying out a new plan for world domination. Possibly doing that thing where you move the spinning ball from finger to finger without interrupting its rotation. Maybe with a giant fish tank full of sharks behind her.

I hope she has a Mohawk this time.

2. Tej Parker

What I believe:

• Tej (Ludacris) can do lots of sick dribbling tricks
• Tej can bomb threes like a madman
• Tej is basically Steph Curry

Do not take this from me.

1. Brian O’Conner

Brian O’Conner scored 2,000 points as a high school basketball player. Brian O’Conner was offered a number of Division I basketball scholarships. Brian O’Conner was set to accept one of them (I’m going to guess it was UCLA), but then he blew out his knee playing pickup basketball the night of high school graduation. Brian O’Conner was never quite the same athletically after that, at least not consistently. Brian O’Conner gave up on his basketball dreams eventually and signed up for the police academy and one thing led to another and now we’re here.

But still, even today, many years later, if the weather is nice and the air pressure isn’t making his knee feel a little clicky and tight, Brian O’Conner could drop 40 points in a rec league game without breaking a sweat.

I am as sure about every statement in this section as I am that Ludacris and Tyrese went to outer space in a NoS-powered Pontiac.

Martha Stewart‘s social media engagement reached its peak with her vile-looking food photos (or maybe her thirst trap), but she came close to matching the lunacy of “iceberg wedge with homemade Russian dressing” with her latest recipe.

Over on Instagram, Snoop Dogg’s co-partner shared her recipe for fish stew, and unlike… whatever this is, it looks pretty good. But it’s Stewart’s description of the meal that has led to confused replies from her followers. “Kids are sure to spoon this stew up,” she wrote, because if there’s one thing children love, it’s fish stew. Stewart continued:

“It’s packed with chunks of potatoes, flaky salmon, and ears of fresh corn cut into rounds. A light broth is made with heavy cream and clam juice, and fresh basil is added at the end for extra flavor. For easier, less messy eating, we recommend slicing the kernels off the cob and adding them back into the soup for your little ones.”

The top reply to her post: “Have you met children?”

And another: “I’m quite doubtful kids will be stoked to eat this.”

And one more: “Martha’s been smoking too much doobie- what child would ever eat this fish soup with corn.”

OK, now one more: “My kid wouldn’t go within 40 feet of that and he eats dirt.”

Give that dirt-eating kid his own cooking show. Also, I must respectfully disagree with putting corn cobs in soup. That’s a recipe for disaster, literally.

It would seem we’re currently somewhere around the halfway mark of the year of Jack White, both in terms of White’s expected output and due to the fact that it’s June right now. In April, White released a new album, Fear Of The Dawn, which was initially announced at the same time as the album that would follow it, Entering Heaven Alive. The latter LP is set for release on July 22, so now that’s where White is focusing his promotional efforts.

The album’s first single actually dropped back in January, with “Love Is Selfish.” Now, he’s back with another track from the album, “If I Die Tomorrow,” a Led Zeppelin-esque tune in the vein of their more folk-leaning songs. The song also arrives with a Brantley Gutierrez-directed video that sees White dragging a casket on a journey, only to find himself in the grave at the end.

The song, which lacks a traditional chorus, starts with White setting the table for the song’s narrative: “If I die tomorrow / Could you find it in your heart to sing / If my mother cries in sorrow? / Will you help her with the many things / That she needs from time to time and day to day?”

Watch the “If I Die Tomorrow” video above.

Entering Heaven Alive is out 7/22 via Third Man Records. Pre-order it here.

Maite Rodriguez was only 10 years old when she was senselessly murdered during the mass school shooting in Uvalde, Texas, that made national headlines last month. The Robb Elementary School student was passionate about nature. So much so that every day she wore the same pair of green Converse shoes with a tiny heart etched in ink on the toe of the right shoe.

Those now iconic shoes were the only reliable piece of evidence in identifying her body after Rodriguez was gunned down by the AR-15 style rifle that killed her and 18 of her fellow classmates.

Actor Matthew McConaughey used that horrifying and unforgettable image during an appearance at the White House, where he advocated for gun safety measures in light of the shooting that has rocked his home town of Uvalde and the nation at large. McConaughey’s remarks immediately went viral across social media, with a short, 40-second clip amassing more than 7 million views in less than 24 hours.

“How can we make the loss of these lives matter?” McConaughey asked. “You could feel the pain, the denial, the disillusion, anger, blame, sadness, loss of lives, dreams halted,” he added, when describing his visit to Uvalde after the shooting.

McConaughey’s call for action is fairly modest. In an op-ed published in the Austin American-Statesman, the Oscar-winning actor called for commonsense reforms including expanded background checks.

“I believe that responsible, law-abiding Americans have a Second Amendment right, enshrined by our founders, to bear arms,” he wrote in the op-ed. “I also believe we have a cultural obligation to take steps toward slowing down the senseless killing of our children. The debate about gun control has delivered nothing but status quo. It’s time we talk about gun responsibility.”

“Wow, this McConaughey speech”

u201cWow, this McConaughey speechu201d

— Acyn (@Acyn)
1654627013

But it is this 40-second clip that has spread like wildfire across social media in which a tearful McConaughey asks his wife Camila Alves to hold up the pair of Converse worn by Rodriguez.

“Maite wore green Converse with a heart hand-drawn on the right toe,” McConaughey says in the clip, voice cracking with grief, “because they represented her love of nature. Camila’s got these shoes, can you show these shoes, please?”

Alves, herself visibly shaken with grief, holds up the shoes with her head held down.

“Wore these every day. Green Converse with a heart on the right toe. Because it was the same green Converse on her feet that turned out to be the only clear evidence that could identify her at the shooting,” McConaughey says.

The actor angrily slammed his fist on the White House podium, audibly moaning and muttering, “How about that,” as the clip ends.

McConaughey and Alves spent the day on Capitol Hill meeting with lawmakers from both parties. The actor and activist has used his stardom to advocate for middle-ground commonsense solutions to the nation’s problems, including gun safety. In both his op-ed and in comments at the White House, McConaughey acknowledged the unique reality of America’s Second Amendment and relationship with firearms. Rather than shaming the concept of gun ownership, McConaughey stressed the need for workable solutions and for political leaders to put principle ahead of fundraising and reelection concerns, saying, “We can’t truly be leaders if we are only living for reelection.”

“We need to invest in mental health care. We need safer schools,” McConaughey added. “We need to restrain sensationalized media coverage. We need to restore our family values. We need to restore our American values. And we need responsible gun ownership.”

With the potential for modest but meaningful gun safety legislation making progress in Congress, it’s all the more important to have voices like McConaughey’s as part of the conversation, to both remind us of the urgency of the moment and that there is a way forward with consensus on bipartisan solutions to a problem that should be a priority for every parent and every voter in the nation.

While some NBA Draft classes arrive with a consensus No. 1 player, the 2022 group instead has a consensus top four. Purdue guard Jaden Ivey, Gonzaga big man Chet Holmgren, Auburn forward Jabari Smith Jr., and Duke forward Paolo Banchero could conceivably slot into any order at the top of the class, and each brings a different skillset to the table that could be appetizing for NBA organizations.

As such, the 2022 NBA Draft could bring a bit of chaos in the opening minutes, even with weeks for teams like the Orlando Magic, with the No. 1 overall pick, to get their ducks in a row. In this space, we’ll take a glance at the cases for and against each player when it comes to the top overall selection, broadly acknowledging that beauty is in the eye of the beholder on these prospects to a very significant extent.

Paolo Banchero

The case for

Banchero already possesses an NBA body and he uses it effectively. At 6’10, he is one of the best passers in the entire draft, with hundreds and hundreds of reps as a shot creator for himself and others. He is exceptionally fast from end-to-end for a player with his measurements, and Banchero has polish as a scorer, even against the highest levels of college competition as the focal point of every opposing defense. He is comfortable as a pull-up shooter already, and Banchero has the ceiling of a legitimate No. 1 scorer in the NBA if everything breaks in his direction.

Add that to the physical stature and basketball IQ to be an impact defender and you have a potential star. That appeals to Orlando at No. 1 overall, especially with the Magic lacking that sort of individual force on the current roster.

The case against

Banchero has the size of a small-ball center, but his defense is a work in progress. He will need to solidify many things on that end of the floor and, in the increasingly position-less NBA, it is possible he is a negative defender. Banchero was also only a 33.8 percent three-point shooter at the college level, and to reach his highest ceiling, he will need to be an above-average perimeter shooter. He isn’t a hyper-twitchy athlete either, and Banchero’s projection could be more as a No. 2 or No. 3 guy on offense, rather than as an undisputed No. 1 option. While that wouldn’t be the worst outcome for the Magic, Banchero’s shooting could be an issue alongside the rest of Orlando’s core.

Chet Holmgren

The case for

Holmgren’s overall and advanced numbers at the college level were mind-boggling. He was an utterly dominant rim protector at the college level, preventing opponents from even attempting shots in the paint and rejecting them when they tried. Holmgren is also agile and intelligent as a positional defender, with the ability to function on the perimeter and command a defense. On the other end, he is already a willing passer with the skills to face up from the perimeter, knock down three-pointers, and also put pressure on the rim. His rebounding numbers are also elite, even when playing with another traditional big for almost every minute of his college career. Ultimately, Holmgren is the evolutionary version of the uber-length and defense prospects Orlando tends to enjoy, and he brings an offensive skillset that none of the organization’s previous investments can match.

The case against

If you consume any level of NBA Draft coverage, it is safe to assume that you have heard about Holmgren’s frame. He is projected to weigh less than 200 pounds as a seven-footer, and there are concerns about his ability to stay healthy and handle the physical pounding of stronger, thicker NBA players. That creates some skepticism that he could be a full-time center and, at the 4, his offensive skill package projects to be more ordinary. Holmgren may also have a lower offensive ceiling than his top prospect counterparts, and he is also a bit older than a typical one-and-done prospect. Orlando is already heavily invested in frontcourt options like Wendell Carter Jr. and Jonathan Isaac, with the recent pick of Mo Bamba and a lengthy history of relative misfires looming over this selection. Would they have the stomach to go for yet another big man?

Jaden Ivey

The case for

Ivey is perhaps the best athlete in the entire class and, if viewed through the lens of a lead guard, he brings tremendous size and physicality to the table. In a league that is increasing pushing to the perimeter, Ivey can attack the rim at any point and he is an improved shooter with more room to grow. Defensively, he has the tools needed to become a highly disruptive and productive player, and his athleticism and length project the potential for switchability. For Orlando, Ivey would bring a higher potential offensive ceiling than any player on the roster and, provided his jumper continues to progress, he could fit nicely alongside Jalen Suggs. Ultimately, effective shot creation is at the top of any list of important traits, and Ivey has the ceiling of a legitimate perimeter star.

The case against

While Ivey’s athleticism is undeniable, his size becomes more ordinary if he is not capable of handling lead/point guard duties on a full-time basis. In addition, Ivey does not have the longest track record of success as a shooter, with merely average free throw shooting, a largely barren mid-range game, and a very shaky freshman season from long distance. He also does not have the cleanest shooting form with a set shot, and Ivey is not a transcendent passer when compared to lead creation prospects.

On defense, his potential is real, but it is also theoretical, at least on the ball. He does have intriguing off-ball tape on defense, but there are questions as to whether Ivey can translate his tools into actual production on the defensive side. When it comes to the Magic, the fit might not be the cleanest either, as Orlando does have perimeter shooting questions and the pairing with Suggs is far less snug if Ivey’s mid-range offerings and passing do not improve.

Jabari Smith Jr.

The case for

Smith’s combination of size and shooting is tremendous. At 6’10, he shot 42 percent from three-point range on 7.7 attempts per 40 minutes, and his volume could’ve been higher if not for a lack of guard help at Auburn. He can already create his own shot in the mid-range, and his length makes that shot virtually unguardable, even against NBA competition. Smith is a very smart defender with great size to play both forward spots, and he has the tools to be quite good on that end of the floor. He’s also a willing passer who can make teammates better and fit into any scheme on either end. If he hits, Orlando would be adding a dynamic shooter and a snug forward partner for Franz Wagner that could wreak havoc for years.

The case against

Perhaps the biggest knock against Smith is that he lacks elite athleticism. He is a good athlete, which provides a high floor, but some of his high-end defensive outcomes and shot creation upside could be limited against better competition. At present, Smith is also a pedestrian ball-handler, at least when compared to NBA perimeter creators. That shouldn’t change his ability to shoot over the competition, but if he’s the No. 1 pick, it could be a while before he is getting to the rim with effectiveness and regularity. It is possible to envision Smith simply becoming a very good No. 3 option, rather than a transcendent star, and the Magic are certainly in the market for that star given their lottery luck this season.

Everyone knows government hearings are a non-stop thrill ride. A laugh fest. A damn good time. But when you pair waggy fingered politicians, evasive witnesses, and the circus of the obstinate that will be trying to claw back the narrative by shouting about gas prices and border drug seizures (aren’t seizures a good thing?), well, the Jan 6 hearings (and everything surrounding them) have the potential to be special. And by special, I mean brain vibratingly frustrating. Can Stephen Colbert make it all better? Can’t hurt!

On last night’s episode of The Late Show, Colbert announced that his show will go live (in its usual 11:35PM timeslot) following the Thursday kickoff of the primetime Jan 6 hearings, no doubt amplifying the most jaw-dropping moments for an audience that never let go of the thought that treason is the pits.

In showing up live, Colbert is leaning into tradition following past live shows around Presidential debates and elections, which underlines the importance of these hearings, which he compared (in the above clip) to the Watergate hearings, the moon landing, and (jokingly) “the time Walter Cronkite was swallowed by a python.” It also indicates that we’ll be getting something closer to reality and news from a late-night chat show than we will from Fox News. As has been widely reported, the official news channel of my dentist’s office is choosing to refrain from showing the hearings in favor of broadcasting its usual cacophony of Karen screams and dog whistles as a part of a distance and distractathon. Again, tradition!

Right now, Simu Liu (Shang-Chi) is listed as Colbert’s guest, but you have to imagine a few friends will stop by to help Colbert try to make sense of the day’s reveals and mine laughs from the slow choke out of political norms by apathy and bad actors. Should be fun.

‘The Late Show with Stephen Colbert’ airs weeknight at 11:35PM ET on CBS.

Following the school shooting in Uvalde, Texas, the state of New York went to work passing sweeping gun laws that completely caught The Daily Show host, Trevor Noah, by surprise. After expecting nothing to happen this time around, or sensible gun measures to be “narrow defeated at the last minute” like always, Noah couldn’t believe that New York actually stepped up and did something to curb gun violence. After playing a news clip of the sweeping gun laws that elicited cheers and applause from the audience, The Daily Show host couldn’t contain his disbelief.

“Wow. This is so weird. A mass shooting happened, and then politicians did something. I didn’t even know that that was possible,” Noah said on Tuesday night’s episode. “It’s like I showed up to McDonald’s, and the McFlurry machine is working. I don’t even know how to react to this. Do I clap? Am I supposed to tip? What’s a good tip for passing gun laws, ten percent? I’m sure it’s ten percent.”

After joking that the situation felt like when you’re getting ready to argue with a partner, but they apologize before you can even say anything, Noah added a few suggestions of his own to New York’s new gun laws:

“It’s raising the minimum age on semi-automatic rifles, which seems like common sense to me,” Noah said. “Although, in my opinion, instead of 21, I feel like it should be 21 and four days. Yeah, ’cause I don’t want someone buying a gun on the same night they’re slamming ten shots of Jäger. Just spread it out, you know?”

The Daily Show host also tried to use the new law on banning body armor to get rid of a different type of armor, but mostly for the sake of his eyes.

“New York is also gonna be banning body armor, and that makes sense, right? In fact, this is the first state in the country to do it, which is a great idea,” Noah said. “In fact, they should also ban Under Armour while they’re at it. It’s not about the shootings. I’m just tired of seeing people’s nipples on the train. I get it. You work out.”

(Via The Daily Show on Twitter)

When members of Congress tweets about movies, things rarely go well. A good go-to example of this would be Ted Cruz, who was chased into his Cancun-loving hole while trying to be cute about Fight Club, and now, it’s rootin’ tootin’ Lauren Boebert’s turn at the cringeworthy mic. The topic of choice here would be Boebert’s love of guns, and she vociferously defends her right to an AR-15 and sure was triggered when SNL dared to take aim at her Second Amendment obsession.

As expected, Bobert was disgusted after Ulvade native Matthew McConaughey dared to appear during a White House press briefing. He paid painstaking and heartwrenching tribute to the 19 slain children of the recent Texas school shooting. His emphasis, as well, was to discuss gun reform in terms of gun responsibility, rather than gun control, and his speech was widely praised (even by Fox News hosts) for its relatable and bi-partisan approach. Yet Boebert was not impressed and fired off a snarky tweet.

“The White House is so devoid of credible surrogates they’ve had to drag Matthew McConaughey off the set of yet another Magic Mike sequel to drone on about gun control,” the Rifle Republican tweeted. “Not alright, not alright, not alright!”

So, she tossed some Dazed and Confused into a slam on the Magic Mike franchise. Not cool! Also, one wonders if she’s actually seen these movies. There are only two so far (although a third is on the way, and there’s an HBO Max reality competition show), and McConaughey’s only in the first movie (as Dallas) and has demonstrated no interest in picking back up with Channing Tatum and the scantily clad dude gang. Yet Boebert had to slam the whole franchise on the way to trashing the White House for hosting this speech, which Boebert also may not have watched.

Comeuppance came quickly, given that the GED-wielding Boebert seemed offended that McConaughey (again, an Ulvade native whose mother taught in the school system) was deemed qualified to speak at the White House. “Alright, alright , alright, dumbass” kicks off the unimpressed responses to the stubbornly divisive Boebert.

Just gonna leave this here for Lauren Boebert. (Maybe it will put her in a kinder mood?)