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We’re Ranking All The Trader Joe’s Frozen Pizzas So You Don’t Waste Cash

Pizza, it’s one of the easiest and tastiest dishes you can put together. And yet… it seems we’ll do almost anything to make sure we don’t have to make it ourselves. That includes everything from grabbing a slice from your favorite corner mom and pop pie shop to ordering delivery from the big chains to resorting to the frozen stuff. And you know what, the right frozen pizza gets the job done.

The quality of frozen pizza ranges from slices that taste like cardboard with cheese melted on top (if it melts at all — the really bad brands just burn) to slices so good they could fool you in a blind taste test. And Trader Joe’s has some of the best on the market.

Since you can’t buy all the TJ’s pies (you could, but think of the valuable freezer space that would eat up), let’s separate the truly great from the “just good.” That’s right, we’re ranking all nine frozen Trader Joe’s pizzas — paying special attention to the quality of crust, the presentation of the pie, and the execution of the flavors.

Let’s eat!

9. Vegan Meatless Meat Eaters Pizza

Pizza Frozen
Dane Rivera

Presentation:

Depressing. I’ve never looked at a slice of pizza that made me sad until I laid eyes on this… thing. But I get it, it’s a vegan pizza — vegan cheese is never going to melt like the real thing.

All that matters are the flavors here.

Tasting Notes:

Pizza Rank
Dane Rivera

The flavors come on really strong. Everything feels over-seasoned, it’s very zesty and smokey. The “meat” is incredibly chewy — I’d suggest skipping it but it’s what packs all the flavor.

The sauce doesn’t have any flavor, it’s just wet, and the bread is too soft.

The Bottom Line:

It’s not great. If you’re not vegan there is absolutely no reason to buy this. If you are vegan… there is absolutely no reason to buy this.

8. Pizza Margherita

Pizza Frozen
Dane Rivera

Appearance:

Terrible. What happened here, Joe? This pizza wins the award for looking least like the advertised picture on the box. This is practically a different pizza. I followed the directions closely, I placed this on a center rack and still needed to bake it three minutes longer to get the cheese to start melting. Expectations shouldn’t be high for a frozen margherita, but you never expect the results to be this bad.

The sauce has an off-putting chunky appearance to it, like some kind of strange tomato smoothie.

Tasting Notes:

Pizza Rank
Dane Rivera

Trader Joe’s Margherita Pizza markets itself as being handmade before being cooked in woodburning ovens in Italy. That’s great, but none of that effort translates in appearance or taste. Where Margherita Pizza is typically light and fresh this just comes across as sickeningly sweet.

The cheese is gummy and sticks to your teeth and the crust tastes flavored with artificial cheese powder, like a goldfish cracker.

The Bottom Line:

It’s like ordering a Margherita Pizza from Chuck E. Cheese. Skip it.

7. Wood Fired Naples Style Uncured Pepperoni Pizza

Pizza Frozen
Dane Rivera

Presentation:

Fair. There isn’t nearly enough cheese here, you can see some of the sauce through it, which is a bad sign in my book. The cheese that is here is unevenly melted, or burnt and crispy. It looks pretty low quality, like you imagine a frozen pizza to look.

Tasting Notes:

Pizza Rank
Dane Rivera

Zesty bright tomato sauce-forward flavor on a flavorless dry crust with weirdly chemical-tasting pepperonis. The cheese provides only a mouthfeel, no flavor and the pepperonis are overly chewy. If you like pepperonis that crisp up on the edges, you’re going to be disappointed.

The Bottom Line:

The whole thing has a sharp artificial taste to it, nothing tastes very high quality or well-sourced. No single component of this pizza can be described as good. If you want a pepperoni pizza made easy, pick up TJ’s fresh dough, a jar of Rao’s pizza sauce, mozzarella, and some pepperonis and you’d have something eight thousand times better tasting.

It’ll take a bit more effort, but it’ll be worth it. This is a waste of money.

6. Brie Cheese And Tomato Flatbread

Pizza Frozen
Dane Rivera

Presentation:

Trader Joe’s cook times on all of their pizzas are off. I cooked this for an additional two minutes and it still looked severely underdone. Appearance isn’t everything, but the lack of color definitely makes this come across as less appetizing.

The picture on the box shows a very appetizing and colorful pie, but this just looks flavorless and a bit soggy.

Tasting Notes:

Pizza
Dane Rivera

Light and buttery with the occasional burst of bright flavor from the sweet cherry tomato and a bitter and herbaceous parsley-backed finish. The braided crust looks cool, and it’s crispy on the outside but once you chew through it gets really gummy and soft. If this retained its crispiness, we’d be willing to rank it higher.

The Bottom Line:

Light, refreshing, and crispy. This is something you should serve as an appetizer to a full meal. By itself, even a full pie would leave you wanting for something more.

5. Organic Roasted Vegetable

Pizza Frozen
Dane Rivera

Presentation:

Beautiful, bright, and colorful veggies are haphazardly spread across a perfectly melted cheese base. The pizza even has a few air bubbles, which always make for an appetizing pie.

Tasting Notes:

Pizza Rank
Dane Rivera

Very delicious and fresh, the vegetables in attendance are sweet yellow bell peppers, spicy red onions, and salty eggplant, with chunks of tomato and zucchini providing juicy sweet, and vegetal bursts of flavor.

This is a very clean-tasting pie, what it lacks in savory notes it makes up for in its variety of vegetal flavors.

The Bottom Line:

A great all veggie pie. In a pinch, It’ll get the job done, but picking up fresh dough and a few veggies would result in a much superior result.

4. Mushroom & Cheese Flatbread

Pizza Frozen
Dane Rivera

Presentation:

Another France imported pizza flatbread. But unlike the previous flatbread, the chunks of white and oyster mushrooms make this pizza a lot more appetizing to the eye. The cheese is also melty-er here, but the crust still looks a little too pale to be described as appetizing.

Work on that, TJ!

Tasting Notes:

Pizza Rank
Dane Rivera

Each bite is delicious, the cheese base is a sweet, salty, and nutty blend of Parmigiano Reggiano and Emmenthal cheese with small bite-sized chunks of umami-packed mushrooms. This is the savoriest meat-free pizza I’ve ever eaten.

The Bottom Line:

Light and crispy with rich savory flavors that keep this tiny thin-crust flatbread pie satisfying. There are a lot of great flavors to savor here, but a drizzle of pesto would take it up a notch. Add your own to transform the experience to something that surpasses your local delivery.

3. Pizza Parlanno

Pizza Ranking
Dane Rivera

Presentation:

It’s beautiful. It’s pretty much the same as the Organic Roasted Vegetable Pizza but the ingredients are more evenly spread and abundant and there is some meat thrown across the top, making for a heartier slice.

There is also much more cheese here than on any of the pies, providing a great melt across and underneath the toppings.

Tasting Notes:

Pizza Rank
Dane Rivera

This pizza build features Italian sausage, pepperoni, two different types of roasted peppers, and roasted onions and each bite is a delicious bouquet of flavors of fresh flavors with a smokey and savory aftertaste that makes the overall experience much more satisfying than what the roasted veggie pie offers. The veggies are still roasted here, bringing a charred fire flavor that pairs well with the smokey and zesty pepperoni and sausage.

There is nothing to dislike here, this is one of Trader Joe’s finest pies, and the best tasting more traditional combination of flavors.

The Bottom Line:

It’s Trader Joe’s version of a Supreme pizza. All the best vegetables and meats on one very delicious pie.

2. BBQ Chicken Pizza

Pizza Frozen
Dane Rivera

Presentation:

Easily the most appetizing-looking pizza sold at Trader Joe’s. Not only is this piled high with white meat chicken, and roasted onions but it’s also smothered in barbecue sauce with flecks of beautiful peppery cilantro throughout.

Tasting Notes:

Pizza Rank
Dane Rivera

It’s delicious before you even take your first bite. The flavors just leap off the pizza as it gives off this intoxicating aroma that makes the mouth water. The sauce is brown sugar sweet and smokey leading to sweet bites of chicken and a savory onion tinge on the aftertaste. Earthy cilantro adds a nice fresh peppery kick to the whole experience and keeps it from tasting too smokey.

Each bite is worth savoring — you’re not going to want this one to end.

The Bottom Line:

Sweet, smokey, savory, fresh-tasting, and incredibly filling. This rivals most of the big chain pies. Still, Trader Joe’s has one pie that’s even better.

1. Roasted Garlic & Pesto Pizza

Pizza Frozen
Dane Rivera

Presentation:

It looks great! Flecks of roasted garlic peppered across a blend of melted cheese with dabs of pesto spread throughout. It’s not quite as much pesto as you want to see, but flavor-wise — it delivers.

When I took this out of the oven it had risen to a giant dough ball. I’m not entirely sure why that happened, but it deflated to a regular flat state once I took it out of the oven.

Tasting Notes:

Pizza Rank
Dane Rivera

A buttery roasted explosion of flavor in every bite, with nutty, grassy pesto notes on the backend. The sweet caramelized garlic is the perfect flavor to pair with this pizza’s four-cheese blend, which combines creamy mozzarella with provolone, nutty Parmigiano Reggiano, and rich and milky burrata. The pizza also features a deep-fried crust, which makes it a bit more oily than we want it to be but once you experience the crispy crunch it provides, it’s hard to hate on the decision.

Each bite starts off crunchy and crispy before settling into something more chewy and savory as you work through it.

The Bottom Line:

Trader Joe’s best pie — the cheese melts evenly across the pie, the crust is crispy, crunchy, and wonderfully chewy. The flavors are on point. This tastes so good you might find yourself opting for this over a fresh pie from the big chains. Often.

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Post Malone Has A Wholesome Day Drinking Session With Seth Meyers

Post Malone just released his new album Twelve Carat Toothache, and that title in itself proves his charming wit that pulls people in. So naturally he happily joined Seth Meyers for a day drinking session to both promote that LP and have a great time.

The most memorable part of the video is Post’s infectious, wholesome laughter, but there are a lot of great moments with the pair: Post gives Meyers face tattoos with a Sharpie, Meyers makes Post drink a beverage full of hot sauce and vinegar, Post talks about his brand of rosé. The video brings out Post’s charismatic, down-to-earth energy that fans love.

A similar Post Malone moment was when he recently said he was excited to be a DILF when speaking with Apple Music’s Zane Lowe. The rapper was sharing stories of carrying a baby doll when he was a child and said, “I would take him around everywhere. And I don’t know how long that lasted. But my mom still has it. And I guess, Zane, I’m so pumped up. I’m going to be a hot dad.”

Watch Post Malone and Seth Meyers drink way too much and have lots of fun in the video above.

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Kid Cud Announces The First Single From His Upcoming Album ‘Entergalactic’

For the better part of three years, Kid Cudi has been teasing the release of Entergalactic, a multimedia project set to accompany the rollout of his next album. Back in 2019, Cudi revealed that he was working on an animated Netflix series that was based on the concept, but since then, he’d been pretty tight-lipped about the project. At the end of 2020, he instead released his seventh album Man On The Moon III: The Chosen, but at the top of this year, he returned to teasing Entergalactic. At long last, it appears that the project will arrive sooner than later as Cudi announced the title and release date for its lead single.

In a post on social media, Cudi revealed that the upcoming single is titled “Do What I Want.” The song will arrive this Friday, June 10 and feature production from the duo Take A Daytrip, who is best known for their recent work with Lil Nas X among other acts. “DO WHAT I WANT’ Friday,” Cudi wrote in the first of two tweets. “Its all happening… the beginning.” In the second, he added, “Do What I Want was the first song I did w Day Trip and I locked in w them heavy shortly after to make MOTM3. Im really happy ull finally get to hear it.”

Cudi’s announcement comes after he called Entergalactic “the greatest piece of art Ive ever made” back in January. He added, “I am so sooo f*ckin proud of this show. U have no idea what ur in for. 3 years in the making. Id say watch the show first then consume the album.”

You can view Cudi’s tweets about “Do What I Want” above.

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Lil Nas X Says ‘F*ck BET’ In An Unreleased Song After He Was Snubbed From The Upcoming Award Show

When the BET Awards unveiled the nominations for their upcoming 2022 award show, there were names that fans expected to appear on it. For example, Doja led the way with six nominations while Ari Lennox and Drake were tied for second with four nominations each. With that being said, there were also names that did not appear on the nomination list that fans hoped to see. One of those was Lil Nas X who did not receive a nomination, while Jack Harlow, who earned his first No. 1 song as a feature on Lil Nas’ “Industry Baby,” was nominated.

Along with fans, Lil Nas shared his frustrations about receiving “an outstanding zero nominations” in a pair of tweets that he shared afterward. Now, he’s taking things a bit further by dissing BET in an unreleased song that he previewed on social media. He begins the snippet by saying “f*ck BET” four times before the song’s beat drops. He also raps, “Look at how I top sh*t / I just put like three in the top ten / And I don’t need nobody.” This is a reference to Lil Nas’ three 2021 songs that appeared in the top ten of the Billboard Hot 100, those being “Industry Baby,” “Montero (Call Me By My Name),” and “That’s What I Want.”

Later on in the snippet, it appeared that rapper YoungBoy Never Broke Again arrived with backing vocals on the unreleased track. In a later post, Lil Nas confirmed that YoungBoy is featured on the track as he teased his collaborator’s verse with the caption “YB BETTER.”

Lil Nas later explained that the song was about more than just BET. “This not over no BET award,” he wrote in a tweet. “This is about the bigger problem of homophobia in the black community. Y’all can sit and pretend all u want but imma risk it all for us.” When a fan questioned his reaction, noting that he has a Grammy award, Lil Nas took a moment to address them.

“This is my point exactly,” he replied. “How can i get acknowledged by the most acclaimed award show in the world and then not even [have] just one nomination from my own people? is that not crazy? am i really tripping?”

You can watch the videos and see Lil Nas’ tweets in the posts above.

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DDG Was Arrested In Los Angeles For Carrying A Concealed Firearm In A Vehicle

According to The Shade Room, rapper DDG was arrested in Los Angeles, California on a felony charge for carrying a concealed firearm in a vehicle. He was then released after posting a $35,000 bond. As per his file, he was taken into custody on Tuesday at 9:21 p.m. PT. He’s expected to be in court on June 28 in Van Nuys.

The 24-year-old, TMZ reported, was caught driving recklessly in his Lamborghini and was subsequently pulled over. His car was searched, and police found a weapon, which led to this charge.

For Uproxx Studios’ How I Blew Up segment, the rapper discussed his video for his hit “Elon Musk” featuring Gunna, as well as manifestation. “That’s the only way you can make stuff come true. If you truly believe in yourself, you gotta manifest it. You’ve gotta give yourself a goal that you know you’re gonna reach,” he said. He also recounted how he got higher than he’d ever been by underestimating a weed gummy and explained how Gunna went from being a work acquaintance to a genuine friend. “The whole hook I freestyled,” DDG brags. “I just went down a rabbit hole of Elon Musk and SpaceX and it just inspired the thought.”

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‘Chrisley Knows Best’ Stars Todd And Julie May Spend Decades In Prison After Being Convicted Of Fraud And Tax Evasion

While the Johnny Depp-Amber Heard trial (and its potentially troubling aftermath) consumed most of people’s attention, another, more low-key but still shocking one was unfurling in its shadow. According to The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, reality stars Todd and Julie Chrisley — stars of the longtime hit reality show Chrisley Knows Best — have been found guilty on multiple counts of fraud and tax evasion. The USA Network names face up to three decades in prison.

As per the AJC:

Federal prosecutors, who indicted the “Chrisley Knows Best” couple in 2019, said the Chrisleys deliberately “swindled” at least $30 million from community banks from 2007 to 2012 by inflating their net worth to get loans, purposely targeting smaller banks that did less due diligence than larger ones. Then Todd Chrisley filed for bankruptcy in 2012, erasing $20 million in loan debt.

Prosecuting attorney Annalise Peters alleged they then actively hid millions they made from the reality show, which began in 2014, as well as $500,000 in taxes Todd owed in 2009. They alleged that the couple actively evaded taxes going back to 2009.

During the trial, the Chrisleys blamed a former business partner, Mark Braddock, who oversaw their company, alleging that he performed all the defrauding without their knowledge. They fired him in 2012. Late last month, Braddock claimed that Todd had cheated on his wife with him before their professional falling out a decade back. Todd’s attorney argued that Braddock was “obsessed” with him but that nothing happened between the sheets.

Meanwhile, Chrisley Knows Best was recently renewed for a 10th season. Todd and Julie face up to 30 years in prison. They plan to appeal the decision.

(Via The Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

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Grant Williams On Draymond Green Avoiding A Second Technical Foul In Game 2: ‘All We Want To See Is Consistency’

One of the biggest stories to come out of Game 2 of the 2022 NBA Finals revolved around comments made by former referee Steve Javie. At one point in the game, Green fouled a Jaylen Brown jumper and the two got tangled up in an incident that got reviewed, which led to Javie — who works as an analyst for ESPN — saying, “You have to consider one player has, definitely, a technical foul. Is this enough to call a double-T and eject the one player? Personally, I would say nothing and I would let it just defuse as that.”

While plenty of basketball fans have long suspected this, hearing Javie be this explicit about how high the bar is for some players to get a second technical raised some eyebrows. And in an interview with Chris Haynes of Yahoo Sports, Boston Celtics forward Grant Williams expressed some frustration with the whole thing, saying that “as players, all we want to see is consistency.”

“If the refs are taking into consideration that a player — a key player — already has a technical and then they decide for whatever reason that a similar incident doesn’t warrant a second technical, that’s fine as long as there is consistency. The problem is there is no consistency,” Williams said. “As players, we just want to know how the game is going to be officiated and then we’ll adjust. I personally believe you have to understand the magnitude of the game and how an ejection can impact the game. No one wants to see the game impacted by an ejection. But either all techs are the same or you consider the situation when [contemplating] a second tech. We just want the rules to be enforced straight forward and consistently.”

Williams stressed that Green avoiding a second technical in that situation didn’t surprise the team, but despite that, “we just hope that grace is extended for everyone.” Green went on to play a game-high 35 minutes and made his presence felt on both ends of the court in Golden State’s 107-88 Game 2 win.

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The ‘Joker’ Sequel Has A Fancy Working Title And Even A Script, According To Director Todd Phillips

Last weekend, Jared Leto got in on the jokey Morbius meme action: He posted a video of him reading the script for a sequel to the two-time comic book movie bomb, complete with a patently absurd title. Jump a few days and there’s what appears to be a serious version of the same thing, featuring another onscreen version of the Batman baddie.

In an Instagram post, director Todd Phillips showed two pictures: one of a bound script for the sequel to Joker, followed by a pic of star Joaquin Phoenix presumably reading it, sunglasses on, cigarette in his mouth. There’s even a working title (which could wind up being the official title, unless social media hates it): Joker: Folie à Deux.

That subtitle might be a clue to what Phillips and returning co-writer Scott Silver have in store. A folie à deux means a delusion shared by two people. Think about couples who lose it together, or even lovers on the lam, like Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow. Could the follow-up to Joker find Phoenix’s mentally ill failed stand-up teaming up with someone he meets in prison? Maybe going on some kind of spree? Who knows! We don’t have access to the script as Joaquin Phoenix does!

Phillips’ post got a lot of attention, including from Simon Rex, the old MTV VJ given a mighty career renaissance after his singular turn in last year’s Red Rocket. “I zoomed in on the script and I see my cameo you wrote me,” he wrote in the comments. “Thanks man. I’ll see if I’m avail.”

Even after Joker made over a billion dollars worldwide in 2019, it wasn’t clear if it would get a sequel. Wayne family connection aside, it felt relatively self-contained, not hob-nobbing much with other parts of the DCEU. (Meanwhile, Robert Pattinson’s Caped Crusader now has his own wing of the universe, independent of the Justice League-ers.) Both Phoenix and Phillips seemed to be on the fence about a sequel until they decided to go ahead. And now here we are, with a script and a fancy title.

(Via The Hollywood Reporter)

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Kevin Durant Is ‘Locked In’ On ‘First Take’ Now That Stephen A. Smith ‘Can’t Beat Up On Max Kellerman’

On Tuesday morning, ESPN’s First Take drew headlines with a viral segment featuring Stephen A. Smith, J.J. Redick, and CJ McCollum. At the center of the fracas was an opinion from Smith about Russell Westbrook’s presence at Darvin Ham’s introductory press conference with the Lakers, and both Redick and McCollum were having none of it in amusing and pointed fashion.

If nothing else, Smith certainly met his match during this particular portion of the program. On Tuesday evening, longtime Smith critic Kevin Durant weighed in to express that he is now “locked in” on First Take because of how it has guys like Redick and McCollum as Smith’s foils.

Durant takes a bit of a shot at both Max Kellerman and Chris “Mad Dog” Russo in the process, and it wouldn’t be Durant if he wasn’t having a bit of fun on Twitter. Still, this is both funny and notable in that this is not a segment that you would always see on First Take, particularly with Smith as the clear dominant voice on that program.

It has to be said that Durant very clearly is not alone in appreciating what happened here, and perhaps ESPN will take solace in that when it comes to future programming choices. It will also be interesting to see if Durant is truly dialed in moving forward, if for no reason other than KD live-tweeting First Take would be extremely entertaining.

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J-Hope From BTS Has Been Announced As The New Headliner For Lollapalooza’s 2022 Chicago Festival

Back in March, Lollapalooza unveiled its jam-packed lineup for the Chicago iteration of its festival after the showcase was brought to other countries like Brazil, Argentina, and Stockholm. The 2022 Chicago show was set to be headlined by Dua Lipa, J. Cole, Metallica, Green Day, Doja Cat, Machine Gun Kelly, Lil Baby, and Kygo. However, as we now know, Doja Cat will not be able to perform for the foreseeable future as she underwent tonsil surgery that will keep her off the performance stage for the time being. A couple of weeks after Doja’s announcement, Lollapalooza has announced her replacement for the upcoming show: J-Hope from BTS.

With the announcement, it marks the first time that a “South Korean artist will headline a main stage at a major U.S. music festival” according to Lollapalooza. The news arrives after J-Hope, along with the rest of the BTS collective, stopped by The White House to discuss anti-Asian hate and Asian representation with President Joe Biden. BTS also broke Apple Music’s record for 2022’s biggest radio show.

In addition to performances from the aforementioned names at Lollapalooza’s 2022 Chicago show, which goes down July 28-31, attendees will also see sets from Glass Animals, Big Sean, Jazmine Sullivan, Don Toliver, Charli XCX, Denzel Curry, Blxst, Willow, Cordae, Caroline Polachek, PinkPanthress, Audrey Nuna, Wet Leg, Larry June, Coi Leray, and more.

You can view the new announcement from Lollapalooza above.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.