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I have to admit, getting an unsolicited DM from MSCHF — the Brooklyn-based conceptual art collective famous for pissing off Nike, the Catholic Church, Vans, and a whole bunch of other brands — asking if you’d like to sample their latest drop feels …kind of unnerving. This is a brand that released chips in the flavors of horse meat and maggot cheese, after all. By agreeing to try their newest drop, would I become part of the art itself?

But when I clicked on the link for their latest launch — out today at 8:00 am PST (move fast) — I was transported to a website looking like it was designed by Kelvin Gemstone, which advertised something called Sacred Seltzer, a hard seltzer made from actual holy water. The site featured the phrase “get crunk on Christ!” and I mean… c’mon! It’s not every day that I get the opportunity to drink an art piece that’s sure to piss off religionists everywhere.

So I passed my address over to the people at MSCHF, and in return, they sent me a case of Sacred Seltzer, a variety pack featuring six cans in three flavors. As far as hard seltzers go, the flavors aren’t anything out of the ordinary, we’ve got cherry, mango, and lime, which are probably the three most common flavors across the world of hard seltzers. Each can is also only 5% abv, so this isn’t going to get you any drunker than White Claw. Meaning the real draw here (aside from the fact that it’s a MSCHF collectible) is the other 95% of the liquid — which is Holy Water, blessed according to official Catholic procedure on March 31st, 2022 in LA county California.

As far as MSCHF products go — which have included toaster-shaped bath bombs and satanic shoes with blood in them — Sacred Seltzer is pretty wholesome. Drunkenness is a sin but drinking in moderation isn’t and Sacred Seltzer only has 5% ABV and is 95% holy water. There isn’t anything in the bible about drinking holy water being a sin; in fact, as Ephesians 5:18 states, “And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit.”

MSCHF products are collectibles, so if this is the sort of thing that appeals to you, you’re probably not going to actually open it up and drink it. But how could you not be tempted? So we drank it for you. Could we taste the holy spirit? Did we see visions of God herself? Did we, in fact, get crunk on Christ?

The Presentation

Right off the bat, we’ve got to give it to MSCHF, like all of their products these Sacred Seltzer cans are beautifully designed. The artwork is reminiscent of Renaissance painters like Michaelangelo, Raphael, and Leonardo da Vinci — turtle power — and the design of Zig-Zag rolling papers. Religious iconography and graphics of juicy and succulent fruit adorn each can, the images would honestly look beautiful in stained glass.

Each can matches the color of the associated fruit and I’ve got to say, as a person who has tasted all sorts of different hard seltzers, MSCHF’s cans are easily the coolest. These look pretty damn refreshing.

They aren’t though… they taste awful.

The Seltzer

This stuff doesn’t taste good and that shouldn’t really come as a surprise to anyone. As we mentioned before, MSCHF is an art collective — they aren’t in the business of actually producing the seltzer. The seltzer itself comes from a company called Eliq’s Brewing, a Santa Monica-based beverage company that specializes in all sorts of customized beverages.

If you visit Eliq’s website you’ll find that they offer customized seltzer in three flavors (guess which flavors) and each flavor tastes pretty generic. Not bad, but in no world “good.” Let’s drill down on each flavor just for the sake of satiating any curiosity you might have.

Cherry

Tasting Notes:

Oh boy. On the nose, this shit smells straight up unholy. It’s not crispy or refreshing in any way, and unlike White Claw and Truly, which have a light fizzy body and a candy-like flavor to them, Sacred Seltzer Cherry has a stronger malt liquor flavor. It’s blunt, bitter, and stains the palate in this really off-putting way that will make you want to wash it down with a better-tasting drink.

The Bottom Line:

So bad, it’s not even fit for the Judas in your life.

Mango

Tasting Notes:

Things take a slight step up with Mango. The flavors here aren’t quite as blunt and bitter as the Cherry, instead, you get some round and pleasing tropical notes with a sweet mango body, but again, the flavor finishes off with this really off-putting dirty after taste that just makes this not very enjoyable to drink.

The Bottom Line:

Better but still far from good.

Lime

Tasting Notes:

Maybe it’s because I was already two Sacred Seltzers deep, but this is far and above the best flavor. It still has that dull and dirty aftertaste, but the Lime seltzer was noticeably zesty, with strong citrus notes that dare I say, came across as refreshing. I like it! I’ll never drink it again, but I finished the whole can gladly. I might’ve added some gin and a sprig of mint, but… finished is finished!

The Bottom Line:

It’s an MSCHF product! It doesn’t taste good, but we’re not completely sure it’s actually supposed to. So why would MSCHF make a hard seltzer in the first place? We’re pretty sure the collective is the sort of place that is more likely to ask “why not?” than “why?”

That’s why we love MSCHF, it’s not just the shoes with human blood in them or the Chanel Number 5 bottles filled with Axe Body Spray or giving us the chance to get crunk off Christ that we find ourselves intrigued by. It’s that MSCHF is the only brand that feels like it’s for everyone and for no one at the same time.

Pick up Sacred Seltzer exclusively on the MSCHF app.

This fall, a new docuseries about Tupac Shakur and his mother, Afeni Shakur, is coming to FX and Hulu. Dear Mama offers “an intimate wide-angle portrait of the most inspiring and dangerous mother-son duo in American history, whose unified message of freedom, equality, persecution, and justice are more relevant today than ever.” The series is directed by Allen Hughes and will air on FX and appear on Hulu the next day. Since yesterday was Mother’s Day, FX shared a teaser from the show featuring Afeni explaining her unique parenting style.

“It was my responsibility to teach Tupac how to survive his reality,” she says in voiceover, as black-and-white photos of Afeni with a baby Tupac appear on the screen. “So, Tupac do something wrong: ‘Take your little sorry self in that corner, get the New York Times, and let’s have a debate about it. Not a discussion, a debate. Let me hear what your idea is, stand up, defend it.’” Naturally, Tupac’s seminal 1995 single “Dear Mama” plays over the title card.

Afeni Shakur was a former member of the Black Panther Party and later, after her Rock And Roll Hall Of Famer son’s death, founded the Tupac Amaru Shakur Foundation while running a media company also named after him. She was also the executor of his estate until her death in 2016.

Watch the Dear Mama teaser above.

After a decade-long wait, the sequel to the highest-grossing movie of all-time is finally coming out. The first Avatar: The Way of Water teaser premiered before screenings of Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (along with numerous other Disney-adjacent trailers), and it’s now been released online. Say what you will about the “Dances with Wolves in space” plot, but Avatar was a dazzling, world-building spectacle, and Avatar: The Way of Water looks even more stunning. Will it make you “sh*t yourself with your mouth wide open”? TBD, but prepare to get wet (not like that, come on).

Here’s the official plot summary:

Set more than a decade after the events of the first film, Avatar: The Way of Water begins to tell the story of the Sully family (Jake, Neytiri, and their kids), the trouble that follows them, the lengths they go to keep each other safe, the battles they fight to stay alive, and the tragedies they endure

James Cameron’s Avatar: The Way of Water, which has a freaking stacked cast, including Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver, Stephen Lang, Cliff Curtis, Joel David Moore, CCH Pounder, Edie Falco, Jemaine Clement, and Kate Winslet (and, uh, also Sam Worthington), finally opens on December 16.

Blended Scotch whisky is a broad and diverse category, encompassing some seriously amazing blended Scotch, while also being the category most rife with clunkers from the bottom shelf up. To put it bluntly, a lot of blended whisky is where big companies hide the barrels that didn’t make the cut for better blends and single malts. That means that when you do find a killer, cheap, blended scotch, it’s kind of a miracle and worth talking about. To that end, I’ve compiled a list of all the double-gold-winning blended Scotch whiskies from this year’s San Francisco World Spirits Competition (SFWSC).

Basically, the blend scotch division at the SFWSC breaks down into four categories: Blended Malt Scotch Whisky; Blended Scotch – No Age Statement; Blended Scotch – Up to 15 Years; and Blended Scotch – 16 Years and Older. There were dozens of blended scotches entered this year, but only 11 took home the coveted double gold medal, which means that every judge at the table anonymously yet unanimously gave that bottle a gold medal. Translation: the whisky was good enough not only to stand out but to grab the judge’s attention.

For this list, I’m listing each bottle and adding tasting notes where I can. While I was a judge this year, I wasn’t on a blended scotch panel, so in places where I wasn’t able to taste, I’ve pulled in notes from the bottler, blender, or distiller where necessary. Let’s get into it!

Also Read: The Top 5 UPROXX Scotch Whisky Posts of The Last Six Months

• The 50 Best Scotch Whiskies Of 2021, Ranked
• The 100 Best Whiskeys Our Head Drinks Writer Tasted In 2021
• The Best Scotch Whiskies Under $50, Ranked
• Every Scotch Whisky Brand From Diageo’s Massive Portfolio, Ranked
• The Best Value-Per-Dollar Scotch Whiskies, Ranked

Blackhound Blended Malt

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $42

The Whisky:

This blended malt is made for the Australian market. There’s not a whole lot of information about it other than it’s a blend of the “finest” Highland malts.

Tasting Notes (from the bottler):

“This whisky is approachable and accessible — fruity and framed by a great balance of spice and vanilla and finishes with a subtle smoky aroma.”

Bottom Line:

Well, the next time that I’m in Oz, I’ll keep an eye out for this one.

Dewar’s 18 Years Old Blended Scotch

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $80

The Whisky:

The heart of Dewar’s is Aberfeldy whisky. This blend is a testament to Master Blender Stephanie MacLeod’s prowess in bringing good whiskies together to make great whisky. The juices are aged for 18 long years in American oak before they’re vatted into a large oak tun and allowed to rest before proofing and bottling.

Tasting Notes:

There’s that signature Aberfeldy honey on the nose with hints of almonds, stone fruits, and red berries. The palate dials all of that in, with a marzipan vibe next to more honey, bruised apricot skins, and dark chocolate-covered red berries. The end is soft, silky, and brings a final bite of sweet oak with a slight tobacco chew.

Bottom Line:

I keep this around for a nice end-of-the-day, on-the-rocks pour. It’s easy drinking, sweet and nutty, and really has a nice softness on the palate. This is easy to see as a winner.

Dewar’s Double Double 32 Blended Scotch

ABV: 46%

Average Price: $170 (half bottle)

The Whisky:

Master Blender Stephanie MacLeod really hits it out of the park with these blends. This one starts with 32-year-old barrels of both single malt and single grain whiskies. Then all the single malts are blended and re-barreled in an “exhausted” barrel (meaning the barrel has aged its last whisky and would otherwise be repurposed). MacLeod does the same with the grain whiskies. Those grain and malt whiskies are then blended and put into another exhausted barrel for a spell. Finally, those barrels are blended and filled into an ex-Pedro Ximenez sherry barrel for a final maturation.

Tasting Notes:

The nose opens with a rich sticky toffee pudding full of black-tea-soaked dates, sharp cinnamon, nutmeg, buttery toffee sauce, and vanilla ice cream with hints of orange zest, wicker, and an old leather tobacco pouch. The palate largely delivers on the nose’s profile with meaty dates, figs, and prunes countered by woody spice, dark fruit leather, and a touch of honey barrel staves. The finish is shorter than expected with all that dark and dried fruit leaving you with a sweetened and wintry vibe.

Bottom Line:

Yeah, this is delicious. A single rock or a few drops of water really open this one up to deeper wintery vibes with creamy eggnog, pumpkin pie, and a hint of savory herbs lurking behind that honey.

Dewar’s Double Double 36 Blended Malt

ABV: 46%

Average Price: $1,800 (Asia-Pacific Duty Free Only)

The Whisky:

This whisky goes through a similar process as the 32 above. In this case, all the 36-year-old whiskies are single malts from Speyside, Highlands, and Islay which are then blended and re-barreled twice before the final maturation in ex-Madeira barrels, creating a Speyside and HIghland/Islay hybrid of sorts.

Tasting Notes (from the blender):

“This voluptuous blend features notes of vanilla, coconut oil, and ripe peaches.”

Bottom Line:

I’ve yet to get my hands on this one but am pretty excited to give it a shot, though the price is a little intimidating.

Johnnie Walker Green Label Blended Malted

ABV: 43%

Average Price: $63

The Whisky:

This whisky was actually taken off the market in 2012 and people lost their shit. Diageo came to its senses and brought it back by 2016. The juice is a blend of single malts only, making it a “pure malt” and not a “blended scotch whisky” (that’s blended malts and grain whiskies). The juice primarily comes from Speyside, Highland, Lowland, and Island malts with a focus on a minimum of 15-year-old Talisker, Caol Ila, Cragganmore, and Linkwood.

Tasting Notes:

Cedar boxes full of sweet fruits lead the nose toward black peppercorns and vanilla pods with an underlayer of sweet green grass. That soft cedar leads the taste with support from grilled tropical fruits, dried roses, spiced malts, and chewy apple tobacco. The mid-palate sweetens with a honeycomb vibe as earthy smoke, singed cedar bark, dark cacao nibs, dry reeds, and an echo of sea spray round out the finish.

Bottom Line:

This is one of my all-time favorite Scotch whiskies. It’s damn near perfect (for its category), especially on a rock or two.

Naked Grouse Malt

ABV: 43%

Average Price: $30

The Whisky:

This whisky from the very popular Famous Grouse is a dialed-in expression. The juice in the bottle is a blend of sherry-cask-finished whiskies from The Macallan and Highland Park. The whisky is then cut down to a very accessible 80 proof and then bottled in a nicely understated bottle.

Tasting Notes:

There’s a sweet malt buried under a buttery scone dripping with raspberry jam with a touch of light spice lurking in the background. The sherry really kicks in on the palate with big notes of dates soaked in black tea next to creamy caramel, vanilla cake, and a touch of dry raisins. The end doesn’t overstay its welcome and leaves you with a lovely note of chocolate-covered cherries with a sweet/dry vibe.

Bottom Line:

I really dig mixing with this. It’s a great cocktail base. You can make a pretty dope old fashioned with this or go full Rob Roy with a little sweet vermouth and bitters.

Clansman Blended Scotch

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $13

The Whisky:

This blended scotch from Loch Lomond is as bottom shelf as you can get in the U.S. That said, this blend takes barrels of grain and malt whiskies from the famed Loch Lomond distillery and leans them towards a fruity and sweet nature before proofing and blending.

Tasting Notes:

A slight note of bourbon vanilla shines through on the nose with hints of citrus, almonds, and watered down honey — kind of like stirring honey into a tepid glass of tap water. The palate has a mix of dried fruits — raisins, prunes, and maybe dates — with more watered down honey syrup, a touch of Almond Joy, and a hint of mulled wine. The end leans into the dried fruit and mulled wine spices with a final note of what feels like smoked honey.

Bottom Line:

This isn’t great, but it’s amazing for a $13 bottle of whisky. Everything is relative, right? The key to this blend is that there’s very little astringency. It’s easy drinking, albeit a little watered down for my palate.

Hankey Bannister Heritage Blend Scotch

ABV: 46%

Average Price: $36

The Whisky:

This blend is a throwback of sorts to 1920s blended whiskies. The juice is a blend of sweeter malts and grain whiskies with a touch of peated malt to add that small layer of smoke under the fruit orchards.

Tasting Notes (from the distiller):

“NOSE: Sweet smoke, with traces of burnt orange and green apple, spicy notes of vanilla and caramel. TASTE: Full-bodied with hints of honey and butterscotch, with a long complex finish.”

Bottom Line:

This sounds pretty interesting. I might have to pick up a bottle and put it up against Johnnie Green to see how it stands up.

Pure Scot Midnight Peat

ABV: 44.5%

Average Price: $80

The Whisky:

This is another Scotch whisky that’s blended and bottled for the Australian whisky market. The malt and grain whiskies are blended and then finished in barrels that held spice and peat-forward whiskies. That whisky is then blended, proofed down, and bottled as-is.

Tasting Notes (from the bottler):

“NOSE: Creamy toffee, floral with citrus apples. PALATE: Rich campfire smoke with toffee apples, honey, and custard. FINISH: Medium with spicy, sweet mouthfeel and tingle from the campfire smoke.”

Bottom Line:

This is another label I’ll keep an eye out for the next time I’m Down Under. At the very least it’s a cool bottle.

Barrowman’s 12-Year Superior Scotch

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $32

The Whisky:

This blend is a marriage of 14 grain and malt whiskies aged in American and European oak. Those barrels are blended and proofed way down with local water before bottling.

Tasting Notes:

There’s a pretty distinct nose full of bourbon vanilla, roasted almonds, almost burnt toffee, and wintry spices. The palate is basic but leans into the nose’s profile with hints of butterscotch, vanilla cookies, malted oat milk, and a hint of dry wicker. The end is pretty short with dark spices mingling with toffee, nuts, and a hint of dark chocolate.

Bottom Line:

For an 80-proof blended whisky, this isn’t bad. I’d only really use it for mixing highballs, but that’s fine for what it is.

Old Parr 12 Year Old Blended Scotch

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $33

The Whisky:

This old-school blend is built around Cragganmore and Glendullan single malts. The whiskies mellow for 12 years before they’re vatted and proofed for this bottling.

Tasting Notes:

There’s cinnamon apple cookies on the nose with a touch of honey, nuts, and dry malt. The taste is very malty with a touch of cedar, tobacco spice, and more honey/apple/cinnamon. The end is warm, malty, and slightly sweet thanks to the honey.

Bottom Line:

This is another great highball candidate. Other than that, I don’t really see this as a sipper unless you have a lot of rocks in the glass — or maybe taking as a shot with a beer.

Kanye West’s love for his mother is very well-documented, but he will always take any moment to pay more homage to Ms. Donda. This time, he did so through the sentimental “Life Of The Party” video which debuted on the evening of Mother’s Day. The two-minute, 39-second visual functions more as a photo album, showing photos of young Kanye in school or with his family. Instead of static photos, each shows a different iteration of the Chicago artist rapping along to the lyrics of the record via deepfake technology.

Andre 3000 and his verse are noticeably absent, perhaps due to the drama surrounding “Life Of The Party” when the world first heard it on OVO Sound Radio. While that version of the song featured a heartfelt verse from one half of Outkast, West took the opportunity to throw more jabs at his formal rival Drake.

The “Life Of The Party” video is also set to appear in the first TV commercial for Yeezy Gap Engineered by Balenciaga. According to a press release, new products from the collaboration will be shown in the commercial before being made available to purchase on May 25 through the Yeezy Gap website, as well as Farfetch, Mytheresa, and Luisa Via Roma.

John Oliver went to town on a viral story bouncing around the Philippines that claims former president Ferdinand Marcos once met and fed a young Michael Jordan in North Carolina. In the tall tale that apparently started as a joke before becoming a propaganda tool (Marcos oversaw a brutal and corrupt regime), the late president came across a skinny, malnourished young boy in a park. Marcos gave the boy a box of Philippine bread called Nutribun and told the boy, “Bring this with you child, someday you will grow up to be someone important.” In a Paul Harvey-esque twist, that child grew up to be Michael Jordan.

“That is the single dumbest story involving a young Michael Jordan I have ever heard, and I have seen Space Jam,” Oliver said before debunking the viral story during Sunday night’s episode of Last Week Tonight. Via Yahoo!:

“To be clear, in this story, President Marcos was walking through a park holding bread, specifically Nutribun, a bread mainly sold in the Philippines, meaning Marcos flew to the United States with Nutribun because he was like, ‘What if we get to Wilmington, North Carolina, my favorite holiday destination, and they don’t have any bread there?’” Oliver said. “Then he went to the park and passed, like, 10 other kids, thinking, ‘None of you are gonna grow up to be important so you’re not getting any of my park bread.’ Then he saw Michael Jordan and was like, ‘Wait, I’m pretty sure that you are gonna be important. So here, have this bread that I brought with me from the other side of the world.’”

Oliver then went to town on why the heck the former Philippines president would be in Jordan’s hometown for Christmas 1969. “Because if you’re a billionaire from the other side of the world and you want to celebrate the holidays in America, there’s only one place that you’re going, and that’s Wilmington, North Carolina,” the late night host said with a laugh.

(Via Yahoo!)

Bad Bunny just released the massive, highly anticipated LP Un Verano Sin Ti. Through cinematic music videos and a themed Airbnb, the star has been successfully garnering as much attention as possible and rising as one of the most popular musicians right now. On Friday, the day of the album release, Spotify announced that he broke two records, with Un Verano Sin Ti becoming the most-streamed album in 2022 and Bad Bunny becoming the most-streamed artist globally in one day.

This isn’t too surprising. Last year, the Puerto Rican rapper received the most streams on Spotify out of any other artist around the world. According to Spotify’s data, he was streamed 9.1 billion times globally this year, an impressive feat for an artist who didn’t even release an album in 2021. Following behind Bad Bunny in worldwide streaming numbers is Taylor Swift at No. 2, BTS at No. 3, Drake at No. 4, and Justin Bieber at No. 5.

Last month, Sony announced that Bad Bunny is going to star in El Muerto, a Spider-Man spinoff. The movie was introduced by Sony Motion Picture Group president Sanford Panitch at CinemaCon and it’s set to be released in theaters on January 12, 2024. This role will make Bad Bunny Marvel’s first live-action Latino lead.

Millions of people play Wordle to forget, however briefly, about the bitch of living. (Spring Awakening is very in right now.) But after the original answer for Monday’s puzzle was deemed too close to a “major recent news event,” it was quickly withdrawn.

“The New York Times has removed the word ‘fetus’ from its Wordle answers to keep the game ‘distinct from the news,’ a move apparently related to last week’s leaked Roe v Wade supreme court draft ruling,” the Guardian reports. “The change caused confusion as it was only implemented for some of the game’s players.” The Times, which purchased the popular five-letter-word puzzle game last year for low-seven figures, also released a statement about the Wordle Drama (#WordleDrama):

At New York Times Games, we take our role seriously as a place to entertain and escape, and we want Wordle to remain distinct from the news. But because of the current Wordle technology, it can be difficult to change words that have already been loaded into the game. When we discovered last week that this word would be featured today, we switched it for as many solvers as possible.

“Fetus” was apparently loaded into Wordle last year. If only the Times had… pulled out sooner. (The jokes practically write themselves.)

(Via Guardian and New York Times)

Peated whisky has a way of separating drinkers into immediate objectors or lifelong devotees. There’s really no getting around its inherent divisiveness. But thinking that “peated” whisky is just one thing — smoky! — is pretty reductive. Peated whisky has as many flavor nuances and variances as any good whisky out there, and one of the best ways to parse all those variations is to taste them blind. Which notes stand out amongst the earthiness, Band-Aids, and smokiness? Which did you enjoy most?

For today’s test, I’m picking eight peated whiskies — all from Scotland — and tasting them blind. I did pick whiskies with a pretty big range of phenols (peated intensity of the malt), ages, and finishes. There are a couple of blends in there with the single malts too. Mostly, I want to see what stands out among the style but also whether the special bottles are really that much more unique in flavor than your everyday pours.

Today’s lineup is:

• Oban 12 Tale of Two Foxes
• Bowmore Aston Martin 21
• Johnnie Walker Green Label
• BenRiach The Smoke 10
• Lagavulin 12 The Lion’s Fire
• Laphroaig Cairdeas PX Cask Finish
• Compass Box Glasgow Blend
• Talisker 8 The Rogue Seafury

Let’s dive in!

Also Read: The Top 5 UPROXX Scotch Whisky Posts of The Last Six Months

• The 50 Best Scotch Whiskies Of 2021, Ranked
• The 100 Best Whiskeys Our Head Drinks Writer Tasted In 2021
• The Best Scotch Whiskies Under $50, Ranked
• Every Scotch Whisky Brand From Diageo’s Massive Portfolio, Ranked
• The Best Value-Per-Dollar Scotch Whiskies, Ranked

The Ranking

8. Compass Box Glasgow Blend –Taste 7

ABV: 43%

Average Price: $40

The Whisky:

This expression is a marrying of whiskies from all over Scotland. 65% of the juice comes from single malts from a “distillery near the town of Aberlour,” Laphroaig, and Clynelish. The rest is part Highland malt blend (from the Glen Moray, Tomatin, and Balmenach distilleries) and a grain whisky from Cameronbridge distillery. Those whiskies were barreled in sherry and bourbon casks with a French oak barrel thrown in too.

Blind Tasting Notes:

Smoked prunes mingle with a hint of nutmeg and a little bit of ripe red cherry with a hint of the cherry tree that leads toward a smoked beef fat. That smoky fat drives the palate while earthy malts mix with dry straw, almond shells, and a plummy mid-palate. That sweetness fades as a cold fireplace and wet charcoal bring the peated vibes and almost leather prunes and dates round out the kind of thin finish.

Bottom Line:

This almost had me until the water kicked in on the end and sort of washed away the rest of the palate. That’s fine, this is a mixing scotch after all, and this will bring some good layers into a nice cocktail.

7. Benriach The Smoky 10 — Taste 4

ABV: 46%

Average Price: $64

The Whisky:

This whisky is made with unpeated malt and peated malt from the Highlands. That juice is aged in a combo of ex-bourbon, ex-Jamaican rum, and new, freshly toasted oak casks before it’s masterfully blended by Dr. Rachel Barrie and proofed down with Speyside springwater.

Blind Tasting Notes:

Thin notes of apple cider and smoked honey create a creamy nose with singed cedar bark, fresh pine boughs, and fatty smoked pork belly. The creaminess drives the palate with a foundation of vanilla cookies while smoked apple chips and saffron stewed pears mingle with dark dried fruits and winter spice on the somewhat thin end.

Bottom Line:

So that’s where all that creamy vanilla comes from — new toasted oak. Anyway, this was fine. It didn’t wow on this tasting but I can see pouring this into a cocktail jug and mixing something good and lightly smoked.

6. Laphroaig Càirdeas 2021 Pedro Ximénez Casks — Taste 6

ABV: 58.9%

Average Price: $124

The Whisky:

Laphroaig is always innovating. 2021’s Càirdeas is a triple-matured, cask-strength whisky. The whisky first mellowed in ex-bourbon casks before being moved to quarter casks and, finally, finished in Pedro Ximénez sherry casks. That whisky was then bottled as is.

Blind Tasting Notes:

Band-Aids and rosewater counter marzipan and Nutella on the nose with a good dose of iodine and old ashtrays (hello, Laphroaig) as a hint of cherry tobacco, spicy apple pie filling, and vanilla tobacco round things out. That iodine and fresh bandage continue on the palate as really fatty and smoky bacon mixed with salted licorice, smoked apple chips, and fennel. The mid-palate leans into the funk with a nori-and-bacon-wrapped cedar box that’s been soaked in seawater for years and then filled with Red Hots dominates the finish.

Bottom Line:

I think I really have to be in the right mood to enjoy this. The last time I had it was a couple of months ago at the distillery and I thought it slapped. Today, I was more “meh” to “it’s nice enough.” One thing is for sure, this is far more distinct and unique than the last two entries.

5. Johnnie Walker Green Label — Taste 3

ABV: 43%

Average Price: $72

The Whisky:

This whisky was actually taken off the market in 2012 and people lost their shit. Diageo came to its senses and brought it back by 2016. The juice is a blend of single malts only, making it a “pure malt” and not a “blended scotch whisky” (that blends malt and grain whiskies). The juice primarily comes from Speyside, Highland, Lowland, and Island malts with a focus on a minimum of 15-year-old Talisker, Caol Ila, Cragganmore, and Linkwood.

Blind Tasting Notes:

Cedar boxes full of sweet apples draw you in on the nose as hints of black peppercorns and vanilla pods lead to underlying wet sweetgrass that’s been lit on fire and is just starting to smolder. Soft notes of tropical fruits — think subtle pineapple and star fruit — counter dried roses, sweet apple tobacco, fresh honey, varnished pine. The mid-palate has a slight winter spice vibe that leads back to now smoldering cedar and vanilla with dark and dried berries mixing with dark chocolate sauce and old and dry wicker that sat in the sun too long.

Bottom Line:

I was kind of surprised to see this ranked so low. This is a pretty freaking good whisky, but I guess a blended malt couldn’t quite beat out the special single malts below.

4. Talisker 8 The Rogue Seafury — Taste 8

ABV: 59.7%

Average Price: $256

The Whisky:

This year’s Talisker sticks with the classic age statement of eight years while leaning into the smokier side of the island whisky. The build on this expression is a marrying of the “Smokiest Reserves” from the Talisker warehouse. That juice is then vatted and bottled at cask strength.

Blind Tasting Notes:

Smoked plums and apricots lead the way on the nose with mild whispers of sea spray, wet green moss, oyster shell, and a smoldering evergreen forest after a fire and rain with this line of candied malt running underneath. The palate starts with pink sea salt and dried roses and veers into a green bell pepper and old tree bark before a speck of sandy dirt arrives. The mid-palate sweetens with smoked prunes and dates before a big note of dried Ancho chili firework bursts on the end.

Bottom Line:

This is the part of the ranking where I’m splitting some very tiny hairs. This is stellar whisky. I really couldn’t find any faults and basically ranked this and the next three randomly so they all weren’t tied for first place.

4. Oban 12 The Tale of Twin Foxes — Taste 1

ABV: 56.2%

Average Price: $320

The Whisky:

Oban’s location on the Scottish coast, next to both the Islands and Highlands, allows it to harness the best of both regions when making its whisky. This year’s 12-year release is built on the backs of both ex-bourbon casks and refill bourbon casks, allowing the stronger notes of those new bourbon casks to get a light mellowing from the refill wood. The results are bottled at cask strength.

Blind Tasting Notes:

Brine and nori crackers subtly move through the nose with old wood planks from a well-worn dock as tart-yet-sweet dried cranberries mix with a hint of sardine oil, cracked black pepper, and smoked cod. The palate builds from a sweet and malty base toward orange oils, soft and sweet red berries, and a hint of creamy vanilla cream soda on the mid-palate. The finish leans into old cedar humidors before a big rush of dried chili peppers and more of the white smoked fish fade back towards the creamy vanilla and soft berries and malt.

Bottom Line:

This is fantastic and could have been number one (it certainly would’ve been had I seen the label, since I’m ride or die for Oban) but it’s number three today. What are you gonna do? This is why blind taste tests are so interesting.

2. Lagavulin 12 The Lion’s Fire — Taste 5

ABV: 56.5%

Average Price: $321

The Whisky:

This is the younger of two special releases from Diageo last year. The whisky is built from juice aged in refill bourbon casks, meaning that the casks had already aged bourbon and then aged single malts at least once before this whisky was filled into them and left for 12 years. That whisky was then vatted and bottled at cask strength.

Blind Tasting Notes:

Salted sushi rice with a hint of apple cider vinegar mingles with green tea, damp potpourri, salted pork belly, and wet grey beach sand on the nose. The palate gently puffs a line of smoke from a distant beach campfire toward your senses as dark and almost waxy cacao nibs mix with creamy vanilla, sheets of nori, toffee candy wax wrappers, and some more of that green tea — this time it’s a little over-steeped. The mid-palate sweetens that tea a little with what feels like floral honey that’s immediately cut off by a wet driftwood beach fire, into which someone just threw a bag of dried chili peppers.

Bottom Line:

What an intense end and truly beautiful dram. There’s just so much going on that I want to go back and live in this whisky for a while. There’s certainly so much more to find in that nose and flavor profile and that makes this one kind of exciting to revisit again and again.

1. Bowmore Aston Martin 21 — Taste 2

ABV: 51.8%

Average Price: $640

The Whisky:

This collaboration between Islay’s Bowmore and Aston Martin is about luxury. The blend of this single malt follows the golden ratio to create an aesthetically pleasing vibe. The base is 61.8% 21-year-old single malt aged in first-fill Pedro Ximenez and Oloroso sherry casks. The rest of the blend is equal parts of Bowmore’s other casks that are at least 21 years old ranging up to 35 years old.

Blind Tasting Notes:

Creamy yet floral honey draws you in on the nose with fresh Grade-A maple syrup that has a little of the tree bark in it, alongside hints of peanut brittle, creamy Nutella, and fresh boot leather (almost creamy boot wax). Soft mulled wine spices and sugars open the palate as savory fruit — mostly papaya and gala melon — mix with vanilla lattes dusted with dark cacao, cherry bark, and toasted coconut. The mid-palate sweetness and creaminess give way to spicy woody tobacco, dark fruit leather, and a distant whisper of burnt marshmallows over a smoky backyard firepit.

Bottom Line:

This new drop (released in January 2022) is one hell of a whisky. It’s just f*cking delicious from top to bottom. I could drink this stuff for the rest of my life and kind of be okay with it.

Final Thoughts

Well I suppose it’s no surprise that the most refined and uniquely made whisky won the day. That Bowmore Aston Martin 21 is just phenomenal. It was phenomenal when I first tried some in Bowmore next to the sea on Islay and it was maybe even more so today in my kitchen. That’s rare, especially since another bottle on this list didn’t pull that off.

Overall, great, well-aged, and limited whisky won the day. Again, no big surprise there. That said, all of these whiskies have their place. I wouldn’t kick Compass Box Glasgow Blend off any shopping list just because it came in eighth today — it was up against super rare whiskies and is a great mixing scotch. That said, the top four are all really what you want to focus on if you’re looking for something truly special the next time you’re at the liquor store.

A few days ago, Arcade Fire followed 2017’s Everything Now with We, making it their first new album in nearly five years. After dropping the album, they went ahead and performed some of it as musical guests on Saturday Night Live this past weekend.

One of the tunes they brought to the show was “Unconditional I (Lookout Kid),” for which they’ve released a new video today. The clip predominantly features those things that, thanks to Family Guy, have come to be known as “wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tubemen.”

As for the song itself, Will Butler previously said of it, “There’s nothing saccharine about unconditional love in a world that is coming apart at the seams. WE need each other, in all of our imperfection. ‘Lookout Kid’ is a reminder, a lullaby for the end times, sung to my son, but for everyone… Trust your heart, trust your mind, trust your body, trust your soul. Sh*t is going to get worse before it gets better, but it always gets better, and no one’s perfect. Let me say it again. No one’s perfect.”

Watch the “Unconditional I (Lookout Kid)” video above.

We is out now via Columbia. Get it here.